Latest / Heartbeat of The Home / 11 - What Is Your True Identity? Not Losing Yourself in Motherhood - With Shelly Van Eps

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11 - What Is Your True Identity? Not Losing Yourself in Motherhood - With Shelly Van Eps · Heartbeat of The Home

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm on a I'm on a podcast.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: There's a microphone.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: There was a microphone.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_03: Super fun.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so glad that you're here.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad to be here.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_03: Kind of a backstory of how we met was through church.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: And you have just been kind of a mentor of mine for over the past few years.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm just so thankful for you.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: And just different.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like even I'm thinking, oh my gosh, it was just so many seasons that I was going through in life and business and marriage and then pregnancy and then having a kid.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: You've just been there for me and John through so many things and just the sounding board and encourager.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so I'm so thankful that you're here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm grateful to be here.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I was as I was driving over here, I was thinking about all those same things too.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so proud of you.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I have seen you like, yeah, and you've just been so proactive in seasons to reach out and share and be vulnerable and be open to having a sounding board.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And not everybody always does that.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just proud of you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's been genuinely an honor to see you walk through things in your marriage, in your business.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like you were you wanted to start this like camera rental thing and you you freaking did it.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So awesome.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you held me.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, when are you doing it?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was I'm just like, you go do stuff, and I'm so proud of you.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're a mom and you've walked through challenges, and now you created this podcast to help other people because being a mom is hard.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Becoming a mom is really hard.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm so proud of you and um excited to to hang out, Chen.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about yourself, your family, who you are, me.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I okay.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm Shelly.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a mom and a wife.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: I uh have been married to Tyler, I call him Ty, uh for 15 years, which feels like a really long time.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: It is, that's exciting.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It is so exciting.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We could be getting older.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're growing old together.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and we have four kids, uh, three daughters and a son.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: So Kylie is 13.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: I have a teenager, and that's crazy, and I'm feeling it.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: I it's good.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have a teenager, Kylie, and she's just she's uh an amazing kid.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then we have uh twin daughters, Kinsey and Maya, who are both 10.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: They're in fifth grade, and they are a lot of fun.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's a story for another time that maybe we'll we'll hit on another episode, but um yeah, I was never expecting to have twins, but uh, we just can't imagine our family without them and without them having been wommates, you know, born together.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then we have our son, Brooks, who is seven, and he's like the joy of my heart.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: I love, I love all my, I say I love all my kids equally, um, but he's my favorite son for sure.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, he was kind of a fun surprise when we had three girls, two of them at the same time when we got pregnant with our fourth, we would just joke like we make girls.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: This is what we're like pros at it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so when we found out we were having Brooks when he was a boy, it was like I had not even let myself hope to have a son.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was pretty overwhelming and wonderful in that sense.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's our family.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're kind of uh a sports family.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: So all of our daughters and our son now is playing basketball.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm the annoying mom on the sidelines, trying not to be like corrected by the refs.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Ty does a lot of coaching and we have a lot of fun with that.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: We love the local church, we're really involved.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, the church that we're at right now, yeah, doing our best to follow Jesus and to raise our kids to do the same and to love people and and be kingdom, kingdom people.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So oh, I want to know a fun fact that my kids love to make fun of me about.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is a weird thing about me, but in the like, I think when you get older, you like people say you start to like birds, but I have I'm not a bird man yet.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't think it was going there.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't think I really like ducks.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, like a year ago, I just dis I saw ducks swimming and I was like, these are the most peaceful, wonderful creatures.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Is it mallars that walk?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: Those are so cute.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like when you go on a yeah, when you just go on a walk in a park and they're just like they're so cute, just swimming along together.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: They're so peaceful and so cute.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: They mind their own business, they have the cutest little babies, they like water.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: What's their nuts to love?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: They're so cute.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: So anyway, love that little fun fact.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Fun fact I'm not expecting you to say birds or ducks.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Birds, birds or ducks.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I had no idea where that was.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not old enough to be a bird lady yet.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Probably getting there.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Not yet.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: But when I drive by a pond.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: So then what was your what was your experience becoming a mom?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I became a mom 13 years ago.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Kylie was born.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: We uh Ty and I were actually we worked for Youth with a Mission.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: We were missionaries, and we were living in Colorado Springs at the time.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was pregnant with her, we thought we were gonna be there more long term.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so she was born out there, and um six weeks after she was born, we decided to move back to Minnesota.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So we both grew up in Minnesota and um are from the Twin Cities area, and in that season, God was kind of stirring some things in Tyler's heart that he wanted to start.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there were some opportunities back here.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: So we moved back, and I I know we're gonna we're gonna be talking about identity in this podcast, so I'll just maybe like get into it.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: For me, when I was pregnant, I kind of pictured becoming a mom being this like pinnacle moment of my identity and who I'm becoming, and it was gonna feel a certain way and be a certain way.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And the it just wasn't what I was expecting at all.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so um we moved, but Kylie was born.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I immediately like loved her more than I ever knew I could love anything, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we had a lot of transition.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: We moved home six weeks after she was born.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: We lived with Tyler's family for a few weeks in their basement, um, and trying to learn how to like with a new be a mom and like how to nurse and breastfeed and like my father-in-law and mother-in-law are around.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was just kind of chaotic those first few weeks moving back.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then we moved into a really, really tiny apartment in northeast Minneapolis.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I, for the first time in my life, was just a mom.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that's like how I really started to feel.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I up to that point.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was always involved in something kind of ministry related.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so in college, I was led worship.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then after college, I was like a youth pastor for years.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then we went and did YWAM and we got married and we traveled and did missions and all this stuff.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think over the course of like high school, college, and then my the those early adult years and early years in my marriage had found so much um identity and value and self-worth and things that I think got that were really good, right?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: But it felt like I had been like, okay, I was an RA in college and I led worship and I've then I volunteered at my church, like all these little identity blocks of things I was building, you know.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then we got married.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I married a good guy, right?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then we went and did why wham together and we did missions and da-da-da-da-da.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And uh if I'm honest, like I would I would look at myself and I was like, Jesus, look at this structure that is Shelly, like it's pretty good, Lord.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm pretty sure you're proud of who I've become, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I didn't feel that arrogant.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: I felt humble, but I think do you know what I mean?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: But about workspace.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're like, I'm doing great because of everything I'm doing.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: And like no, I'm not taking it as arrogance either.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's just kind of, yeah.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm doing all these things.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it was really important to do.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I should be fine.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Type of a thing.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've I'm becoming who God wants me to become.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's truth in that.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: But when I became a mom, when I had Kylie, all of a sudden I'm in this apartment.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: I remember we had um like this little kitchen and then this little living room and one couch in it.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I just remember Tyler was like out starting his thing, this ministry thing and doing stuff.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, we had lost a lot of our community because we had been gone for some time.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was super lonely.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like nursing her on this couch.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: The apartment's messy, and I can't keep up with stuff.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I just feel like I don't have my crap together.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I just remember feeling like, is this it?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Is this who I am now?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it felt like that person that I had built and that I'd become.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was like somebody just took that and whoosh, wiped it off the table.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And there was just like this one little tiny baby piece of who I was that was like mom, right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it just felt empty and lonely and saddened a little bit frustrating, I think, to be like certainly I'm more than this, right?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Surely I have more to show for myself than um keeping this baby who I love alive in this apartment somewhat clean, but not really.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um and it was it was in that season that God used that season to really open my eyes to the reality that I had built my identity on things that were good, but that can change and be taken.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so once I had that reality, um that that reality kind of hit me, I was like, okay, Lord, you need to rebuild me because clearly I don't know who I am.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, not the midlife crisis, maybe the quarter life crisis of identity crisis.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who am I really?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: What is important about me?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I matter?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: What's my purpose?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was really becoming a mom was the thing that shook me in a really painful but necessary way for God to start to rebuild.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: So that was a little long.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's great.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's okay.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: That's good, it leads into what we will leads us.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: So then how does your identity impact how you show up as a mom and how you started to like become a mom?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I think after the like shaking, I would say, I think there was a rebuilding, a rebuilding process that I had to go through.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe I'll share a little bit about that because had I not gone through that, and I think I think the gr one of the greatest gifts that we can give our kids, no matter how old they are, is being willing to grow and let God transform us and change us and help us to continue to become.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was really like, and I just think identity and discovering who God is and who we are is like it's a lifelong, probably eternal thing, right?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but for me, I really discovered what kind of became the pillars of who I am, the way that I was just said, okay, Lord, um, well, actually, maybe I didn't say, but God said, like, this is how you need to choose to think about yourself, choose to believe about yourself, choose to see as the most important things about who I am, because everything else I had built on, being, you know, somebody in ministry or a worship leader, a youth pastor, whatever.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um when you build your identity on, you know, your accomplishments or titles or names or the things that you have or the things that you do, all of that can change.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: So you're really just building yourself, your understanding of yourself on um something that can crumble.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think God wants us to be people who crumble, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't make us for that.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, really, what the Lord showed me, I think in the 10 years after I had Kylie and beyond, um, is that our identity needs to be built on the on things that can't change, like the foundations of who we are.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so, as believers, there's five things that I I for me, they're like, these are the things that Shelly is built on.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's things about me that are really unique that are part of my identity, uh, like maybe loving ducks.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't asked God about that.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how you created me?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Am I a lover of ducks?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but for every believer, things that are foundational that we have to have understanding of that I think God wants to reveal to us in a way that's not just like, I went to Sunday school and found this out, but deeply give us revelation that is meaningful for us personally.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so those things for me, when if somebody were to ask me what's the most important thing about you, Shelly, I would say is that I'm I'm loved by God.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know the love of God because, well, He died for me.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And because God is love, I am loved.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was really the core thing God showed me in that season of shaking, is that I get to be, I get to have a relationship and be somebody who is secure in the one who never changes.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: So who am I because of who God is?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Those need to be the most important things about me because they can't change.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's like the firmest foundation we can stand on.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so the love of God, I think, through Jesus and what he did for us, he made a way for us to relate to God and understand and understand God in different relational ways.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm loved by God.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's number one.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if you poured the room full of cement, what do I like to stick the other pillars of who I am?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: And the love of God like holds it all together.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: But then the other four are that because God is my creator, I'm a masterpiece.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And there's scriptures that I have for all of these, and they're these are themes you see throughout scripture, you know, things that um it's not just one verse, but they're really core pieces of parts of who we are as believers.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: So God is the creator, he created everything.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: We are his masterpieces, we're his creation.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: So that's number two.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: God is a father and I'm his daughter.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: We've been adopted into the family of God, and I've been like majorly geeking out on adoption lately.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've been studying the book of Matthew, and I won't get into it, but it's like when we have these little nuggets of things to think about, like God's a father, and I'm his child.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's like when you're reading scripture, you can kind of geek out on these different things and like get curious about them.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so that that was kind of my experience.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's summer two.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: He's a father and I'm his daughter.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: The third is that he God is a king, Jesus is king, and I get to be an ambassador of the king.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And also because I'm in the family, I'm royalty.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like princess, I I hate saying this, but it's just true.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: Princess Shelley, right?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like there's when you really know, when you really believe that Jesus is a king who calls you part of his family and says you're actually an ambassador, like your royalty that represents me, and you really believe it, like deep down, or God's revealed it to you in a way, it helps you walk with um like a sway or like I think even authority came to mind.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like because you have authority in Christ, like as his daughter, as a princess.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not, but it's not like arrogant, no, it's just like holy buckets, me, Lord, like you chose me to love me, to make me your kid, to create me in a way that you would call a masterpiece.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then I get to represent you like I have a responsibility and authority, so it's like both and right, and I I love that.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like the king of kings, the one who made the universe, wants to use me.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why would you do that?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: But also, that's awesome.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then the last one.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: So a loved creator, he's the creator, he's the father, he's the king.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last is that he's a friend.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: And we are called, like Jesus calls us.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: He says, I no longer call you slaves, but I call you friends.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I just feel like the Emmanuel God with us part of who Jesus is, entering into our humanity, being human himself, understanding every struggle that we'll we'll we could have as humans.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's what a friend is like, you know, somebody who can empathize and get you and show up for you and be with you.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, I say loved and then creator, father, king, friend, those parts of who God is are where I find my identity and they can't change because it's just who he is, right?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think beyond that, like I lived that out and I like would discover things in prayer and stuff.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Can I share a story?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I feel like I'm rambling, but that's maybe what you do on this.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, all this.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sitting here like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I need to be hearing right now.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: So okay, let's get get we'll chat.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's awesome.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: With uh the father heart of God.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: When I was pregnant with Kylie, so it's funny because I I think the Lord is so good that like all these different parts of our life, He can use the timeline.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like goes back and forth, right?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm pregnant with Kylie, and um we were in YWAM in Colorado Springs, and we actually we lived in this hotel room, but we built a you don't need to know this, but I'm gonna tell you we built like a porch, like a loft in the hotel room, and that was our bedroom.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, I'm laying in this, like, yeah, I'm laying in this loft.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: There's like not much space from the ceiling, and I'm you know, you just daydream.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: Tyler's snoring because he falls asleep way faster than I do.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just sitting there, I'm like probably four, three or four weeks from having Kylie.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm larger, you know.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm ready.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let's just say that.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: We're to that point of pregnancy where I'm like, I am ready to have this child.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden, I start kind of daydreaming, and I don't know if I'd call it a vision or whatever, it just felt like a daydream.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm in the hospital bed in this daydream, and I'm holding Kylie, and I'm just full of joy.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: And some and she's like, you know, all bundled up in her like, you know, baby self.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: And somebody walks in the room.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't, I just knew it was a visitor in the daydream.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I hand her to this visitor and I go, This is my daughter, and I hand her to whoever.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then the daydream stops, and it hits me like I've never, I knew her name was Kylie.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: I obviously knew she was gonna be a girl and my daughter, but I had never said, even in my mind, like, this is my daughter.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, I started weeping in bed.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, not weeping, but I'm like teared up because of the love I have just calling her.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Her, mine, my daughter.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: And like the Holy Spirit's so smooth, you know.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I'm having this thought, and I just sense Holy Spirit's like, Shelly, when I introduce you to people, that is how I feel when I call you my daughter.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Kristen, waterworks.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you know, crying, really weeping.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I snack Tyler, like, Ty.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: God just told me something.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Wake up.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, oh my gosh, what?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I will never forget that.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: And that was before I had this identity crisis, right?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so after, it's like when God's trying to, when I'm trying to focus, like, Lord, rebuild me.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: It was like, remember, like, remember what I told you about being my daughter.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Remember what it felt like to feel that for Kylie.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's what's most important about you.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's it's not just something you learned in Sunday school.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I am a child of God, you know?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus loves me.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus loves me.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Jesus.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're God's children.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it just feels like that sometimes when you've grown up in the church.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, and I think sometimes it makes it hard for us who've maybe been raised in that to really be open to God, giving us this like aha moment reality of how amazing and significant it really is to be for him to call us a daughter and for what he did for us in order to make that possible, right?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just share that story to say uh it wasn't like this overnight thing where I had this identity crisis, and then all of a sudden God was like beep bop boop.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: It was literally years of in prayer, moments like that happening, right?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or reading a book or whatever it might be, where or reading a part of scripture, learning about Jesus and being like, wait, he's the king.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is what he's like, this is what I'm supposed to represent, and this is a foundational piece.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is most important about me.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's taken years to kind of establish all those pillars and like truly know and believe them.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_03: Was there anything that more recently, or you said books or things like scripture that you were reading?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Was there anything specific that really kind of catapulted this or helped you really truly understand your identity in God and kind of solidify that?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's um as far as like those foundational things.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: When I was working at the church we were at together, I kind of like I would speak on this at our mom's group and stuff, and I kind of got to be known a little bit as like, oh yeah, you're that chick that's like really into identity stuff, which is phenomenal, which is fun.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's fun.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: But I did always kind of feel like, okay, Lord, but you made us uniquely.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: I I want to always find so much value in these foundational things, these like kingdom parts of who each believer is and who we get to be.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's awesome.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: So a few years ago, I think it was like two and a half years ago, I started reading the book Living Fearless.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you've read the you've read the book.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: We've kind of done some smog groups.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, and because we got coffee one time.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, okay.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_03: And that friend had just told me about this book.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: And she was like, Kristen, you need to listen to it.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: Here's some podcast episodes, like, listen to it, read it.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: You need it.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: And then we got coffee, and I was like, Oh, I should tell Shelly about this book.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like you were like, I was I just started reading this book.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: Like, have you heard?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, I have.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's happened in so like so many different places, probably for YouTuber.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, oh yeah, that book.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: People are just like, yeah, Living Fearless.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I won't tell the whole story of how I got like I I just I made it.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, if you don't want to, you don't have to, but okay.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I was leaving substance, staff, and I knew that that was gonna be a really big transition.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't really know what was next, so it was really scary.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: Part of me was worried I'm gonna have another midlife closer, much closer to midlife now, um, identity crisis.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, no, Lord, I know I'm standing on these pillars, right?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: And Pastor Carolyn had sent me a podcast by Jamie Winship, and I listened to it and I was like, holy buckets, I need to learn more about this.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: Got his book, and um I this is so random, and I promise I'm going somewhere with this.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was on like chapter two or three of his book, and uh I was going to see a new hairstylist who does hair out of her house.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: I knew nothing about her.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Her name's Jen, and I'm driving out there and I'm praying, and I'm like, Lord, I'm going to this random person's house.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: I do have a friend who knows them, so I'm probably gonna survive this haircut.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be fine.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but knew nothing about her.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I get out there, we start chatting.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's as like cool and chill as like anybody you could ever meet.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: And we start chatting, and she's like lots of similar background in youth ministry and church ministry.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're just sharing and catching up.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about my transition and um yeah, things I'm afraid of or hopeful for or whatever.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, oh, but I'm reading this, like, I'm reading this great book right now.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, shut up.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: I know what book it is, Living Fearless.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so then she starts telling me about Jamie Winship and their ministry identity exchange.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know anything like that existed.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and she starts telling me about the different kinds of courses they have and stuff like that.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: And she had already been through it.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: So she was like a year ahead of me in their things.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I just left that haircut.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, it looked great.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: She's a really good stylist.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, wow, Lord, you did a lot in an hour.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I I just like cried on the way home because I just sometimes I think God knows when we just need like a word from him.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, because on my way, I forgot about this part, Kristen.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: On my way out, when I was driving out there, there's a part in the book that talks about confession and being honest, truth telling, right?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Telling God what we're really afraid of.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I just said out loud in the car, God, I'm afraid you have nothing left for me.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's nothing good ahead, and I'm gonna feel lost.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then she's like bing, bing, boom, you know, and I'm like, I I just cried on the way home because he I made the confession and he so quickly like revealed himself like you're not alone, like and you're not gonna be left.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: So much for you.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's kind of how I got introduced to identity exchange stuff.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: I ended up doing their intensive, which goes through this through this this slowdown shell.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: I get really excited, Kristen.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's get pumped, get pumped, let's go.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um this course called Becoming What You Believe.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: I do some coaching and stuff with it.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then I ended up doing a program that they have called Catalyst, which is uh like an identity coaching course, but it's really about how to facilitate and lead people in like inner healing prayer, which was so awesome and so good.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so through that experience of reading his book and being um reading his book and some other books they recommend, uh, and then going through kind of some of their stuff, I was like, holy bucket, it's like God, yes, we're all these, all of these truths about who we are as like kingdom people, these foundational things are so significant.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I still believe they're at the foundation of who we are, but then God goes, but I made Kristen, you know, and I made Shelly, and nobody else is like you.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you, who you are, who I am, is a gift to the world, the unique way that God has made us.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I feel like when we understand our kingdom identity, like we all share this, we like really love that about who we are.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: It really sets us up to receive this unique true identity of who we are uniquely in God's kingdom.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we can receive it in a humble way.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: We can receive it in a way where it's set on his like our kingdom identity.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so I feel like that holds us, right?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: It holds us more secure.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that's how I think about it.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so through that process, I received these true identities, these like who Shelly is, my at my essence is cultivator of joy.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I was reading this book called The Other Half of Church, and just like so good.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: If you if you're a reader, read it.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: But it has this chapter on joy and it being this thing that in communities, it's like helps the soil and helps people grow and it helps people become because they feel safe and they feel loved and they feel happy that like joy is um when he makes his face to shine upon us, it's his delight and join us.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's like this invitation to be safe enough to grow, you know, you're loved enough to do the hard work of growth.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: So a cultivator of joy, the other one is champion because a false identity that I've had for a long time is just like second best.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: You're just not gonna be quite good enough to be like the best friend of somebody, or not quite good enough to like, I don't know, be be chosen to do whatever thing it was.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: It was kind of this false identity that I walked in, and God like set me free from that and said, No, I call you champion, not and it wasn't really in the your first place, you're number one, rah-rah.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe kind of like he loves me that much, but to champion others, really, you know, to see who people are and to say, go start that camera thing.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember what you called it, you know, like go do it, go do the thing to champion people.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like in me, I think.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: So those are what I would call my uh outward identities.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really what people kind of experience when they're with Shelly, right?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: And what just happens when I show up and I don't really have to try.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then what's the other one?
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Outward identity, inward identity.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: Your inward identity is something that you receive from the Lord that nobody might, nobody else might know about.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: They might not experience about you, but it's really, really meaningful.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was reading in Isaiah, Isaiah 62.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is God speaking, because I love Zion, I will not keep still.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: My heart yearns for Jerusalem.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot remain silent, I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: The nations will see your righteousness, world leaders will be blinded by your glory.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the part I love.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you're reading through scripture and you're like, oh my gosh, God's speaking to me right now.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: So this is the part.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you will be given a new name by the Lord's own mouth.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: The Lord will hold you in his hand for all to see, a splendid crown in the hand of God.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: Never again will you be called the forsaken city or the desolate land.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: Your new name will be the city of God's delight.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: And another version says, You'll be named my delight is in her.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I read that and the words crown of delight, this splendid crown of delight is like this inward identity.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: That it's it's just a gift from God to me.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I know that when he sees me, it's like when he showed me, you know, handing Kylie over.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: That was the feeling, like just pure delight in somebody.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's uh my inward identity.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that I've rambled is kind of like no, you haven't, that 15 years of God just continuing to, it's really him revealing himself because I I'm only a cultivator of joy still because he is he's the cultivator of joy, right?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like the the uh our true identity, those unique things that only we are, that God created us to be, um, are still a reflection.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're still his image bearer, and we get to be those things because he is that first.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: So that's that's been the journey.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: Which is so cool because those identities are so you.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_03: You think so?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, a hundred percent.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like whenever people discover them and then they share them, I feel like the most common reaction is oh yeah, yeah, that's so you.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_03: And we're like, isn't it fun?
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but it's just kind of like you said, of the false identity that you've always believed is like your second best.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_03: Because like, no, you're a champion, right?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_03: Even the culture, everything that you listed off of for the cultivator of joy and just like champion for others is just how you've shown up for me in so many ways, but also just when you were at church, you know, and in a role that you had that was so you just like championing everyone, encouraging everyone, you got to know everyone, and just I feel like even I was thinking because you've shared these with me before, but I couldn't remember.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I really couldn't remember what they were, but I remember I was thinking, it's like one of them has to be something with joy because that is just you, and you walk into the room, and it's just like joy enters the room, and just the conversations you start and you end, and just how you interact with anyone, even just in passing, just brings joy.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: I I I do think that's the gift of we can go through our life and be this thing, right?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: But when we hear God call us that, and then we notice ourselves like being that in places, it's like, oh my gosh, it's like really fun.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: I really am this, and so now I'm in this new like career path and like finance and like the generosity space, and I'm like showing up and getting to cultivate joy in new in new places and just be that, and and it's awesome.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: But okay, what are what is God like share with us, Kristen?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: What does God call you?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_03: So creator, okay, love it, and so I feel like that's something which is actually really interesting because I had I've just been journaling a lot the past few years, just through healing, highly recommend journaling.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not a journaler, but once I started therapy and processing stuff, journaling is just working phenomenal.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I uh we had moved and I could not find I've been looking for one and I finally found it and I was like, you know what?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_03: I just kind of want to read through it.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: And it's actually I started it like two years ago.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_03: I definitely give myself grace with journals because sometimes I'm really good at it and sometimes it's been a year.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: So you know, I feel you.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_03: I feel but one of the things I think I was reading through, and it was I it was actually when I did this prayer and like had started reading the book, and one of them was like the live like I'm not creative, which wow, I feel like part of me, I think now hearing creator, it's like, well, yeah, I like went to school for art, like I do design, I'm a photographer, like I've been in the creative realm, so it's like, well, that makes sense, sure.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_03: But then when I really was reading about it, it's not just like art, yeah.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's even one of them was like creating a story or like creating a space or creating space for people, and um, and so at the time I got two at the same time, I got creator and cheerleader.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_03: Cool, and so I think at first I was like, really cheerleader, you're like pom pomies, not what I was like excited to get, but then I started and it was just kind of like encourager was kind of the one that stood out of like encourager, a cheerleader is someone who like sees the potential and like pushes the team quote unquote forward, yeah, and it's just like there to like walk alongside someone and cheer them on in the journey that they're going through.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_03: And so, um, so I feel like that was even encouraging even the like creator and cheerleader of how can I yeah, like show up for people and create a space that they feel yeah, encouraged in, or how can I walk alongside people and encourage them in the season?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you are doing that obviously in this podcast, but I feel that from you being invited to do this, like you created the space and you're like you have good things to share, Shelly.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I feel so cheered on.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for cheerleading me, Kristen.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're awesome.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh thanks for sharing that.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's good.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, actually, I just also received a new one recently.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_03: That I'm like, hmm.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, let's hear it.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_03: Not that I'm rejecting it, because obviously I just feel like I don't know exactly what it is.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's laborer.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's some good digging to do with that one.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: So this is what I think the beautiful thing is when we hear from the Lord.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think the wrestling is good.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: I I think sometimes he doesn't just give it all to us because there's something awesome about the discovery process and the prayer and the like aha of I didn't think of it like that.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think even with joy, so like I'm Enneagram seven and you know, the enthusiast and whatever.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've I've always known there's like something with joy, but I think part of me almost has felt like, oh, Joy's just the one who's happy and uh lives on a rainbow and has like the positive, can see the silver lining, and it just felt superficial.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like it didn't, I'm like, it's not just and so when I what happened when I was reading that book, the other half of church, uh that chapter on joy, I was like, whoa, it it like it was that discovery process, like you're starting on with labor, right?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_01: Where I'm reading this.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't trying to read about joy, Kristen.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to read about this book about your brain and prayer and stuff.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a whole chapter on joy.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the Holy Spirit was like, see, it's not superficial.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: Joy is an absolutely necessary ingredient in any community if you want people to be open to, and there's more to it, and I'm not gonna do like a speech on joy, deep joy.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: We'll save that for another podcast, maybe.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: But it was one of those moments where I just felt so seen and known by the Lord.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not just happy, whatever, Shelly.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I have something that I bring that um is necessary in the soil of community for people to grow.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'll be praying for you, laborer.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's gonna be so many good things.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: You you you're gonna text me, I think, in the next however many months, and you're gonna be like, okay, I heard, I heard something on it, and it'll be meaningful, right?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_03: But I do think even how you said of is beautiful the process of discovering it, because I think sometimes for some things, like in that season, I needed to hear cheerleader and creator, you know, and I needed to, I actually got creator while I was pregnant, and so even they were my other was like, that's like you're a creator and you're literally creating life right now.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not simple.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_03: But I think I needed that and then to dive into it, and even if at first I was like cheerleader, it was still something I received.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_03: Where I think sometimes if he re were to just reveal something to us, I think we might receive it and then move on, right?
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_03: And not actually like, what what the heck does this mean?
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what this means, and like I'm kind of like, why is why did I hear this?
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_03: And so then you kind of want to figure out like have a solution of like, okay, I need to figure this out because it doesn't make sense.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, whereas sometimes we need to just receive it and he just wants to give it to us because that's what we need in that season and he knows that.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_03: And other times he's like, You're not gonna receive it if I like reveal it all to you right now.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that's why he's so cool and is just so gentle and kind of meeting us.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_03: If we just need the encouragement, he's gonna give it to us.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, he's like, Hey, you actually need to fully understand why I call you this, it's in his timing.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 43:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: Cool.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_03: Now that you've found your true identity and discovered who God calls you, how has that impacted or how has that helped you help your kids find their true identity?
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's been a really fun process.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think first you kind of get to learn and see how how do I cultivate joy in my own family?
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, how does that show up and how do I be that?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: How do I champion my kids?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: How does delight kind of fill our home?
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: And how do I let my kids watch me when how do they see me dealing with a lie or struggling with something?
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: How do I let them see me when I'm discouraged or whatever?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: Do I share when I what I've given to God in prayer, what I've confessed, what I've told the truth about?
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think we are our kids' best models.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I've found that with my own kids, when I'm honest and vulnerable, like appropriately vulnerable with them, they're just so much more receptive to the the coaching, you know, like the parenting of like, well, what if we what if we invite Jesus into this?
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: What do what if we tell Jesus about this?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so with Kylie, my my 13-year-old, you know, she's and and my twins who are 10, they're really stepping into those seasons of like they're they're middle school, right?
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot, I I mean, those were like the worst years of my life, Kristen, right?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm still to meet somebody who's like, middle school was the best years of my life.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: Why did it have to end?
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think having walked through some of this stuff myself and learning, hey, when is there like a fall?
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: When have what false identities have I faced?
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: What lies pop up?
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: What things do I wanna find my identity?
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm a people pleaser.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, what do they think about me?
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like when you've walked through that, you've let God transform you, and then you're continually, it's it doesn't end.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not like I'm still a people pleaser, right?
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: I just like know that and I I've learned how to bring it to to God.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_03: Which I feel like is also something good to mention too, because I think a lot of the times when you hear that someone's God has given them their identity, they've heard their identity, and it's like, okay, then I can just walk in my identity as like I'm a cheerleader, I'm a creator.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_03: So like we're free forever.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, no, but that's where there's been false identities before that that the enemy is going to continually tell me, and I'm going, unfortunately, going to reverse back to a few times.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_03: Even though I know that God calls me a creator and a cheerleader, even though he you know he calls me a cultivator of joy, we're still right, we're human.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's just like a good point to mention, too, that it's not a okay, you have it, and now you can just walk freely.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like I hope that's the hope and the goal.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think that's like what relationship is, right?
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like relationship with God.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just like why would we need him if he was like, here's who you are, go be it.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what?
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_01: Good, good, we're good.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: We're done.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we're supposed to like be with him, right?
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_01: We're supposed to need him and abide.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the vulnerability to tell God the truth of I'm scared to death to step into this thing.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: For me, uh, in the last year, I've started a new career.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: What the heck am I doing here?
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like the Lord opened the door, but I'm like, what am I doing here?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just have walked in, have done so many things afraid, but I've had so much more closeness with the Lord.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've needed him, and he's continued to show me, you know, no, you are.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_01: You are who I told you you are.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_01: So you're you're totally right.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's not just a one and done thing, but I think it's intentional because then we still need our relationship with him.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so you know what I mean?
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: In parenting, I try to let my kids see some of that process.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: And for my daughters, um, there's things, you know, with friendships that come up and feeling like they're not enough or they're too much, just those classic, you know, those classic two that the enemy hits us with, or wanting to achieve things and feeling, and what does that mean about me?
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think the listening prayer thing has been incredible.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like being able to sit down with do it with your family.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we've we've done it.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's utterly ridiculous.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was with Jesus on a killer whale was you know, like my kids see, like we do this favorite place exercise.