Latest / 4-Freedom Podcast / 76. Interview with Sean Perron - Help for your marriage.

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76. Interview with Sean Perron - Help for your marriage. · 4-Freedom Podcast

0:01
Well quick, 445 cat, this is James safe for your host all's.
0:05
Well as John hollifield here and we are excited about our
0:09
interview that we've got today, John before we get with that how
0:12
is the life in the hollifield realm in Tennessee?
0:17
We've been fighting a seasonal as seasonal cold or allergies,
0:21
whatever it is. But it just like hit you.
0:23
And I don't know, just sort of makes you feel rough but then
0:28
also, you know, This junk in your throat but yeah, that's why
0:32
I was in that been been doing great.
0:37
Yeah, we have the same thing going through our house.
0:39
Last week Hudson was sick, I was in the yard with film and then
0:42
my wife was sick this weekend, Brody was sick and so I'm hoping
0:46
that me and Jade don't get it but it's just going to the
0:49
house. Brody had strep and my youngest
0:52
by my baby he had a he had a cold, just crud is what they
0:56
called it. So it's that time of the year,
0:58
but with everyone harvesting around, where we're at and the
1:03
seasonal, however, juice it is stuff.
1:06
So, Yeah, with a lot going on, John couple of things, we are
1:10
just about a month away from our big RFP meet up, camp meeting in
1:17
Danville Virginia there at Hope Church with Brian Edwards and we
1:21
hope that you can be there, John one of those dates that is
1:25
November 4th and 5th. And Danville Virginia said for
1:33
the sake of the Gospel Conference and looking forward
1:36
to that, we're going to have Nathan cravat.
1:41
JC Groves, Brian Edwards, Justin Wilson, no Jared Wilson sorry,
1:48
Jared Wilson and Mark, milley, Oni and Craig Edwards were we'll
1:54
all be speaking and we're going to have some wonderful worship.
1:59
Take and just an awesome time. Looking forward to seeing
2:03
everybody out there and hope everybody has a chance to be
2:07
able to come registrations $50. So make you raise out there the
2:10
other things going on. In the thin, the RFP Community
2:13
is the Israel trip coming up to Israel trip.
2:16
Is in January, I think there's maybe a spot or two left.
2:22
I don't know. One of those spots has been
2:24
taken, come on, because Big James is going to Israel.
2:28
Yours truly is jumping on a plane with the boys and we are
2:31
heading to Israel, man. I'm excited.
2:35
There's a group chat John that I didn't know about that is a
2:39
private just for the ones only Israel.
2:42
And so everyone that's on there. And so it's been fun to see
2:45
those things and to be able to talk with them but great group
2:49
of guys are going some guys I didn't know that was going to be
2:51
going, it's going to be there and so that's going to be great.
2:55
I'm excited about friend of ours, Jake.
2:59
Allow shout out to Jake. He's going to be going with us
3:01
and so me and him hopefully gonna be rooming together and
3:04
it's gonna be a great time. I'm so excited, I've always
3:07
wanted to go to Israel. I've always said it would be a
3:09
great time to go to Israel. Love the experience that
3:13
everybody that has been said, they'll do it just changes your
3:16
life and so I'm excited. I never thought I'd be able to
3:19
go, but this is a great opportunity and I'm church.
3:21
I met is they said, they're paying 100% of it.
3:24
So, we just a blessing there. Thank them for that.
3:28
But just excited about being able to be really educational
3:32
trip, just to be able to learn more about where we're at.
3:35
So, but John, we've got an interview today.
3:37
We need to get on board with this interview.
3:40
We've got lined up with us. Sean pero, John's not going to
3:44
be on this interview, he had some some scheduling things that
3:47
happened and so I had the opportunity of interviewing Sean
3:51
myself shown, he's the you guys our age and he's down in Florida
3:56
and he's going to give us some intro who he is.
3:59
But just a great interview he works, he's a family.
4:02
Pastor and a children's Pastor works with counseling, children
4:05
a lot and so we're looking to have him come on again for
4:09
another episode on how to care for children and how to counsel
4:13
children. And so, just a great asset of
4:16
wisdom that he's got down there in Florida.
4:18
And so, we hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope that we'll
4:21
see you in just a couple of weeks.
4:23
Sean's wrote three books letters to a romantic on dating.
4:29
Letters to a romantic on engagement and letters to a
4:32
romantic on the first years of marriage and all three of these
4:37
books are for the early stages of a relationship between the
4:42
dating period to the first few years of marriage and just given
4:47
some biblical wisdom to navigate those things.
4:50
And so I'm sure you're going to be enriched by this interview.
4:53
The James kills was shot on parole.
4:55
And so without further delay, here it is.
4:59
I do not mean to be mean, I do mean to be mad.
5:04
Those that criticize this kind of preaching.
5:06
They don't like a thorn. If you ain't got the King James,
5:10
you ain't got a, you don't have a King James, you don't have a
5:13
Bible. And it be surprised.
5:18
Then don't go to sleep. Well, I'm talking.
5:19
Hey, hey, hey, don't, don't don't you lay your head but I'm
5:23
I'm important. I'm somebody.
5:25
I love you. You know, I love you.
5:26
And I convince you, I love you. You better said, you better?
5:30
Not your hideous or still working?
5:33
You listen to me. I still believed to be a cold
5:39
day in Hell. Before I get back down the door
5:41
woman, I'm a preacher. When you got dressed today, you
5:55
dressed deity. This is the for Freedom podcast,
6:02
a podcast. That is part of the RFP Network
6:05
that seeks to bring freedom in Christ from the spiritual abuse
6:08
of legalism. Now, here are your hosts, John
6:11
hollifield and James Secret And so fundamentalism is designed to
6:20
unpack the ID of authority from scripture.
6:23
The problem with that is that that's not the defining
6:25
principle in Scripture. It is a part of the defining
6:29
principle in scripture is love. And I'm not saying that I'm
6:59
drawn to that sort of teacher. I don't want to give people just
7:13
a list of things they can start doing differently until they
7:16
have a heart out of which they're going to be doing those
7:19
things differently. I think bitterness is different
7:29
from her. I would say that hurt or even
7:32
abuse does not have to result in bitterness.
7:39
Welcome back to the for Freedom podcast.
7:41
I'm your host James. And unfortunately John is not
7:44
able to be with us here today. He's had some scheduling
7:47
complications and so we are doing a good.
7:50
Do an interview with Sean Perot. And he, I think I'm saying last
7:54
name, right? Sean right.
7:55
Pero pero? No, yeah, Rome.
7:57
Okay, I didn't know if the endless was silent or not inside
8:00
his biographical info here is he is a graduate of Southeast
8:05
Southern Baptist. Seminary, he serves as the
8:07
associate pastor at First Baptist Church Jacksonville.
8:10
Florida is a CBC certified. Counselor with a specialization
8:14
in marriage, counseling is author of three books.
8:16
Is what you'll be talking about today specifically letters to
8:19
the Romantic on dating letters to romantic on marriage and
8:22
letters to the Romantic on the first years, he is currently
8:26
pursuing a doctorate in applied theology.
8:28
Theology, with an emphasis of biblical counseling from mid
8:31
Western Theological, Seminary. Sean has been married to Jenny
8:34
for 10 years and they have two children.
8:36
He is the most, his most passionate about his work of
8:39
Pastoral Ministry, his family and hot tea.
8:42
He is blessed by the sincere Christians.
8:45
First Baptist Church and their passion for the Bible.
8:49
Shown welcome to the show. I'm a huge fan of yours and
8:51
enjoy your work with a CBC and following you over these last
8:56
couple of years, I've been to several conferences, been able
8:58
to hear you. And the last time I heard you
9:02
spoke on counseling, children hurting children, and I've used
9:05
that stuff that I learned there helped other pastors.
9:09
And Our County just being able to help a lot of people.
9:12
And so it's been a great tremendous blessing for me.
9:15
And so, welcome to the show, glad to have you here today.
9:20
Thanks, James, and praise the Lord.
9:21
I'm very, very thankful to be on the show with you together and
9:24
I'm glad to talk about the important issues at hand.
9:27
Yeah. Well, why don't you go ahead?
9:29
Introduce yourself to our listeners.
9:32
And if some of our listeners might know, we are talking about
9:35
First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, Florida, this is
9:38
where heat Lambert's at. And I think He's going to give
9:40
us a quick update on how he's doing some of you may know, he
9:42
had a brain surgery, just see a couple of days ago, weeks ago
9:46
and so introduce who you are to our listeners and if you don't
9:49
mind giving us an update there. Yeah, I would love to so.
9:53
So, my name is Sean prone and I'm the associate pastor at
9:56
First Baptist and Heath Lambert. Is the senior pastor here, and
10:03
there have been a series of brain surgeries that he has gone
10:08
through. It's now actually he's had for
10:11
now and two of them were in the past month.
10:15
So it's been pretty intense, very intense actually for him
10:21
and his family. And the, basically, the last
10:27
procedure really seems to have been very helpful.
10:31
So he was having a hemifacial spasm on, on one side of his
10:37
face and on one side of his body.
10:39
And there was a nerve that they needed to go in and put padding
10:44
in between the nerve and an artery and that it seems to have
10:49
been successful after the fourth surgery thus far, and in God's
10:54
kindness, he's no longer having pain with his spasms and he lost
10:59
his hearing. After the third surgery, and
11:02
after the fourth surgery, his hearing has returned.
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It's it's quite miraculous actually, they said that that
11:07
was not going to happen. They said that was there's no
11:10
medical expectation. That is hearing would return but
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our church is praying and we're praying and God is kind of has
11:16
done that. And so after being it's been two
11:20
months since he had been in the pulpit and one month, just
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strictly under watch care from the doctor and he preached this
11:31
last Sunday. And so it was very very exciting
11:34
to have him back and he's still taking it easy, still easing
11:37
things back in. He's still Has some dizziness
11:40
but it's good to have him back and we're very, very thankful
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for the Lord's kindness in that regard.
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Well that's great. I have.
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How long have you been serving under Pastor heat there?
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Yeah, so I've been at First Baptist now since 2017.
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So a little just about five years and I worked with teeth
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previously at a CBC and I was director of operations at while
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he was executive director at a CBC and We've been doing
12:12
Ministry together for around a decade now.
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And I'm very very thankful to be a part of it.
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That's great. And you've got two children
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where their ages. Yeah, so Chandler, he's our
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oldest son. He's four years old, and Cosette
12:27
is our youngest and she's 18 months.
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Ran that they are very happy, very fun and Squishy to.
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We like to squeeze Cosette a lot.
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I agree. I've got, I've got one that same
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age and it's a blessing to have those young kids and to be able
12:42
to influence their lives, hopefully, for the gospels sake.
12:45
And so, that's a great thing. So, as we get started today and
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Shawn's got several things on his calendar.
12:51
So we won't be a long interview, but we want to discuss some
12:54
things. But we want to talk or initially
12:57
of what made you decide to, even go into biblical counseling.
13:00
You were at Southeastern. I'm sorry, Southern if, and
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you've got your m.div there and then it says, you became a CBC
13:08
certified. What was this?
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What was the draw to become a certified?
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Uncle counselor. Yeah so I first went to Bible
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College. I went to Boise college and I
13:18
went very committed to be a preacher.
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Very committed to be a pastor and my view of pastoring was
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primarily you love the Bible, you study the Bible, you preach
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the Bible and then you know you do weddings and funerals and
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that kind of thing on the side. And that's what I thought when I
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was wanting to go into Ministry in high school and then in Bible
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College, and then I got to Bible College, and I realized that
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Ministry was a lot broader than just, I Get Up In a Pulpit for
13:55
an hour every Sunday, or if you're at a church, that does is
13:58
it two, three times a week, three hours a week and that you
14:03
had to do something other than studied during the week of, for
14:06
those times and that that involved an aspect of Personal
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Ministry of the word and it was a really a paradigm shift for me
14:14
and thinking about ministry as a whole.
14:18
But then to understand that the Bible isn't just sufficient for
14:24
Doctrine but is sufficient for life and godliness and so I
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wound up actually interning at the church.
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I was at under Heath Lambert and he said have you ever thought
14:35
about doing counseling and my answer was no, I never never.
14:39
Thought about it. Never was interested and he
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said, hey well I have a counseling case I'm involved in.
14:45
Would you want to watch me? And I was like yeah I'm I'm an
14:49
intern here at the church. I'd love to do that and it was
14:51
this married couple. I was not married at the time
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and I was like, okay well I've got a lot to learn here and this
14:58
marry a couple came in and they were church members and they
15:01
started telling Heath all their problems and I'm telling you it
15:07
was an unbelievably complex case.
15:09
I mean, it was every problem that I never even thought you
15:13
could have, I was like whoa and they talked and shared other
15:19
problems for about 30, 45 minutes.
15:21
And I remember the time in the conversation where it was Heath
15:25
turn to speak and there's like this pause and I thought to
15:29
myself, I literally have nothing to say to this couple and this
15:36
is shameful, but I had the thought I was like, there's no
15:38
hope for them. I think this this, this is over,
15:41
this is toast. There's no, this is this is
15:44
going nowhere fast. And he opened his Bible and he
15:51
read a passage and he said I want you to know that every
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single thing you said God can help you with and everything.
16:00
You said, the Bible has answers to every problem.
16:03
You mentioned there is no surprise here, there's nothing
16:05
too hard but the scriptures and the Lord cannot address and I
16:09
That we can help you immensely and get your marriage right on
16:13
track and it was a smack in my face.
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I was like, you know, what does the total opposite of luminous
16:19
head? And so shortly thereafter I was
16:23
like you know what, I really want to invest in this and learn
16:28
and grow and so right now I'm deep into the woods and biblical
16:33
counseling and I'm very thankful and don't regret it for a second
16:36
and I'm even though I'm not full time as a Counselor.
16:39
I'm I preach periodically here at the church and I love that
16:43
too. So I have the best of both
16:44
worlds, I'm very grateful. Yeah, Moss great.
16:47
I love it and I can sense the same thing in my life and
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talking to other guys. In that same way of just being
16:54
able to help, just seeing the, just seeing God's word, be able
16:58
to penetrate someone's heart and be able to see that change its
17:01
amazing on that one-on-one sessions so quick, as we, as we
17:06
continue on, you've written three books and that's what
17:08
we're here to talk. But today is your three books
17:12
letters to the Romantic on dating on marriage and through
17:15
the years. Why?
17:17
Well as I was even thinking through this thought, came to my
17:19
mind, there's probably a million books out there on marriage,
17:23
okay, on dating and how to have a lose, have a destroy your
17:28
dating life. And I mean, I was, I was even
17:30
looking to my books in my office.
17:32
I'm thinking, man, there's hundreds of books that I have on
17:35
dating and marriage. And while write another book,
17:38
all right, another Other books on marriage.
17:41
I mean what was the reason behind this?
17:44
Yes. Yeah.
17:44
Great question. So the question that my
17:46
publisher really wanted to know to so a few things so so my bad
17:53
one of my best friends Spencer Harmon he's actually an another
17:57
Pastor here on staff at First Baptist now and we were looking
18:03
at the Evangelical landscape. This was back.
18:09
And 2010 and we were looking at. Okay, what does, what does the
18:17
Evangelical Church have to say about dating in particular and
18:21
everyone no matter where you turn talks about Ike is Dating
18:25
Goodbye? Josh Harris.
18:27
I mean that was you can't have a conversation in the Christian
18:30
world without referencing Josh. Harris is work.
18:33
And what we, what we wanted to do was we wanted wanted to write
18:40
a book that was practical or relevant and did not fall into
18:48
the ditch of legalism but also did not fall into the ditch of
18:54
License to where, hey, anything goes.
18:56
And so we truly tried to strike a balance and or what we think
19:03
is a Biblical take of not saying, hey if you call it
19:08
dating, It's a saint or on the other end.
19:11
Hey datings, fine Bible. Doesn't have anything to say
19:14
about dating, do whatever you want.
19:16
And we want to say, okay, what does the bible actually say
19:18
about this thing that we call dating?
19:20
And because we're committed to the sufficiency of scripture and
19:24
because we're committed biblical counseling, we saw a need to
19:27
say, okay, how does this efficiency of scripture impact
19:31
this strange phenomenon in Western culture that we can call
19:34
dating? How do we, how do we think about
19:36
it? So that was the first book.
19:39
I wound up being two bucks, one part on dating, one part focused
19:42
on engagement and there's I don't know of hardly any books
19:48
written on the specific topic of Engagement.
19:51
And so that's also a unique season that we wanted to bring
19:54
the sufficiency of scripture to bear on.
19:57
And then after after, those are published for came back and
19:59
said, hey, would you be interested in in a third book
20:04
and the third book? Because there's so many great
20:08
books on Urge to your point, you got momentary mirrored by Piper.
20:12
You got you have countless books when Center say I do.
20:18
You got way next books. I mean, you name it.
20:21
Why would you have the audacity as someone who's been barely
20:24
married 10 years to, to do this? And the thought was, okay, we're
20:28
going to focus on the first five years, the first five years, and
20:32
we're going to, we're going to focus on it, not as people who
20:35
are reflecting on 60 years of marriage.
20:37
But as people who have just Gone through the first five years and
20:41
done. So in a community of older
20:44
Saints and the community of people who are richly immersed
20:47
in the scriptures and the reason why is there is a lot of
20:52
material that there's a there's a lot of material that's out
20:55
there. That is wonderful and good but
20:57
it feels a little disconnected from the problems that you first
20:59
encounter just because there's so many years removed from the
21:03
people that are writing. And also quite frankly, there's
21:08
a lot of the chapters that we We did that.
21:10
We had to go and search everywhere for resources on.
21:14
So there are several chapters on sexual intimacy and we thought
21:19
that there was a few things that we could contribute in
21:21
particular that needed to be said to the church that we had
21:24
not been able to find easily accessible.
21:27
And so we wanted to have a fresh take from people who had just
21:30
gone on the other side of it and then strike a few crucial topics
21:35
that we thought were in need. So yeah, that's great.
21:39
In of, you know, that that first five years, how y'all just going
21:42
through it, how did that really, as you guys were right now, how
21:45
did that impact? Because you wrote it with a
21:48
friend right now? It was a co-authorship.
21:50
Yeah. How did that, how did that
21:52
really impact? You know, putting some things
21:54
down that y'all would just recently went through.
21:57
Maybe some some conflicts that maybe you and your wife had went
22:00
through maybe him and his wife and went through.
22:01
How does that help as writing that down and help out?
22:05
You know, just authoring it. Yeah.
22:07
So It's it's the personally when when you're writing about things
22:14
that are fresh writing makes your thoughts clear.
22:18
So it helps be able to give concrete sentences to the things
22:26
that you've experienced and in particular.
22:29
What was so crucial in a few of the chapters is, we had received
22:34
help from people in our church that was so valuable.
22:39
And So meaningful to us that we want to take those same things
22:43
that we were helped by and then disseminate them to people that
22:48
the people that we spoke to wouldn't be able to reach or
22:51
wouldn't read any other book in particular but they would for
22:54
whatever reason. Pick up ours.
22:56
So in in reality it was we've received help.
23:02
And so now how can we articulate the help?
23:04
We received to make it been available to other counselors or
23:08
pastors. Or newly engaged or early years,
23:12
the marriage couples, so that they can also be helped as well.
23:15
So there's very little that we would ever claim to be original
23:21
in the book. In fact, I don't know if there's
23:22
anything original actually broadest, because if it was
23:26
would probably be scary. So we're very, very thankful for
23:29
the investment that people may not our lives.
23:32
Yeah. You mentioned one thing.
23:33
As you begin talking through, on the first point of trying to
23:37
help out couples who had come through, Legalism had, you
23:40
didn't want it to be legalistic in that mindset and an are a lot
23:43
of our audience is coming out of a legalistic mindset.
23:48
How would you help a couple out that in marriage, who's coming
23:52
out of this legalistic mindset? I gave an example of, you know,
23:56
maybe they both came from a very strict home and they were just,
24:00
you know, both had impressive parents just, you know, in that
24:03
legalistic mindset, one has sort of swung away until you do, I'm
24:06
gonna do everything opposite. My parents did The one has sort
24:09
of like, you know, I see value in that I see value in the, in
24:13
the discipline, I see value in the rules in the structure, but
24:17
I'm just trying to, you know, maybe a couple who's just
24:19
struggling butting heads on, that's wanting to just have this
24:23
Carefree life and raise their kids to do whatever they want.
24:26
The new term I think is is gentle parenting where you just
24:30
let your kids do whatever and you have to ask permission to
24:33
even, you know, do something to them.
24:35
Where the other side of it is, you know, you're going to listen
24:37
to me and I'm the They're just this hard-nosed set of.
24:41
How would you help a parrot? Help a couple out the saying,
24:45
you know what? We're struggling in our marriage
24:46
were struggling in our intimacy, because we're clashing on this
24:49
area, we're trying to raise our kids and as we're raising our
24:53
kids and something happens. All of a sudden we butt heads on
24:56
the way were even trying to do something and that's hurting our
25:00
physical life is hurting our emotional life, and we're just
25:03
having problems. Yeah, yeah.
25:06
Oh yeah. That's it's super important
25:07
issue. So a few things, First off, it's
25:10
super important that is crucial, actually that the husband and
25:14
wife be on the same page on this issue and if they're not on the
25:19
same page that's okay as long as everyone recognizes it and wants
25:24
to move to get on the same page. So you know, you don't need to
25:29
freak out and say, oh my goodness, my marriage is
25:30
terrible and awful too. Because we have we're coming at
25:32
this from a different perspective.
25:34
Well, there's all kinds of things that you come at it from
25:35
different perspectives. And as long as you're moving in,
25:38
as long as, You're talking about these things and moving towards
25:41
a biblical biblical framework. That's where we want it.
25:44
That's what we want to land. So a few things if there's
25:48
disagreement or questions or wondering I would really
25:51
encourage the couple to read together on their own, the book
25:56
of First John so slowly. Maybe it's one verse a night.
26:01
Even if you got if you're strapped for time and you need
26:06
to you need to read through the book of First John Together as a
26:10
couple and what you'll see in first John is you'll see this
26:14
beautiful balance of what the gospel does and how it impacts
26:20
the Christian Life and Jesus defies all the human categories
26:27
that we like to fall into. So Jesus comes in and he targets
26:32
the heart. He transforms the heart, he
26:35
gives New Birth new life. So John 3 is new born again,
26:40
John for talks about the woman at the well, and you move on
26:44
throughout the whole Gospel of John and you see how Jesus hits
26:48
at the heart. But then that heart always
26:50
manifest itself in fruitfulness, that heart always manifest
26:54
itself in a changed life. So, she gone 15 talks about
26:57
bearing fruit abide in me, and my words abide in you, and you
27:00
bear my true. Jesus tells the lame man, that
27:05
healed. And John 5, go and sin no more.
27:08
He tells a little Woman the same thing.
27:10
So you have this pattern of Jesus, impacting the heart, and
27:14
then the heart manifesting itself in actual real tangible
27:19
change. And so that balance that Jesus
27:22
brings as the wonderful counselor is manifested in this
27:27
short book of First John where you see there's a heart
27:31
transformation. There's there's a change of
27:34
affections, there's a change of desires and yet there's also a
27:38
change Change in physical Behavior, like external
27:42
Behavior. So I would frame the
27:43
conversation in terms of there's internal and external.
27:47
So there's a heart and that internal change leads to
27:51
external change. So, how can this manifest itself
27:53
in, in marriage? And a lot of different ways you
27:59
mentioned coming from a background of a strict
28:00
discipline. So, if a couple is trying to
28:03
parent their kids, you need to do both, you need to emphasize
28:08
the And faith and repentance, and you also need to emphasize
28:14
external obedience. So if you genes for children
28:19
honor, your father and mother for this is the first
28:21
commandment with a promise. Well, honoring is comes from an
28:25
attitude of the heart, it comes from the heart, you have to
28:28
honor them, you have to respect them.
28:29
So, this were Ted trips book shepherding.
28:32
The child's heart is very helpful because you get at the
28:35
heart of it, but at the same time, it says obey your parents.
28:39
For this is right. So it's not a very deep
28:43
argument. Its hey, this is right, this is
28:44
God's world. That's how we ordered it.
28:46
It's the right way and if you do this you'll receive blessing if
28:48
you don't. You'll receive kersting and so
28:51
Obey from the heart and that involves not just what's going
28:56
on your heart. But also, you actually need to
28:58
physically about. You don't need to yell at your
29:00
sister. You don't need to throw toys,
29:02
you don't need to fuss. You don't need to drop your cup.
29:04
Wherever we tell you, not to drop your cup and and if you get
29:07
it in that order of dressing the First.
29:09
And then the externals, the right order is crucial, and
29:13
having a culture in your home, the deals with the most
29:15
important thing first, which is not the outward Behavior, but
29:19
which is the n-word Behavior. So, that's one example it can,
29:22
it can impact a couple and a thousand ways, it can impact
29:25
your movie choices. Your heart is important.
29:29
And what you are watching are not watching and at the same
29:31
time, your heart is going to manifest itself in physical
29:35
choices that you choose on. What shows you're going to
29:36
watch. So both are connected.
29:39
It's not an either/or. It's a it's two wings of a
29:42
plane. You need both wings and both are
29:45
crucial. Yeah.
29:47
And I think that, you know, and we me and John we've talked
29:49
about this with several other people and even personally just
29:53
a couple days ago and we had a, just a talk of just the thought
29:58
of when you are going through this process of parenting and
30:03
being in a marriage relationship, rules are not bad.
30:08
Rules are not Wrong. It's just what is the heart
30:11
mindset behind it? How are we internalize eating
30:15
this? And is it am I just doing this?
30:17
Because I have always done this in.
30:20
Someone's told me to do it or is it affecting like you said the
30:23
heart and the issue of the heart?
30:25
And that's really what we've got to get to is the heart of the
30:27
matter and we interviewed Brad big me many episodes ago.
30:32
Just yeah 91 Old phenomenal time though.
30:34
The Gospel Treason book and just a great time of Talking through,
30:39
where is our heart at and our heart is not a factory.
30:43
It's something that is going to destroy us.
30:44
If we don't control it, if our body, if we don't allow the
30:48
gospel to penetrate that in our lives, and so great, great.
30:51
Thoughts there on our heart. Last thing we want to give our
30:55
listeners and you can spend as much or as little time on this
30:59
as you want. Just some practical tips for
31:01
healthy marriage. You've written three books now,
31:04
dating marriage, and the first years, what are some things that
31:08
you would give someone Just some three practical tips to say, you
31:11
know, not saying that you're going to.
31:13
If you do these three things you're going to have a
31:14
successful marriage and everything's going to be great.
31:17
But in the years that you've helped people in the years that
31:20
you've been involved in Ministry, what are some three
31:23
main things that are foundational truths?
31:26
That are going to allow your marriage to be healthy.
31:29
Yeah so that's a fun question so Three tips.
31:34
Okay? So, top three, I should say and
31:37
first would be and if you're a good Baptist and you have some
31:39
points, that's fine as well. But you know I'll see if I can
31:43
make them all iterated over here you go.
31:46
So no. So first one it would be read
31:50
the Bible together so this is someone blessed is the man who
31:56
walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of
31:59
Sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers, but his Delight is in
32:02
the law. Of the Lord.
32:03
And on his law, he meditates day and night, he will be like a
32:06
tree planted by streams of water and he will bear fruit in due
32:10
season. The wicked are not.
32:12
So the wicked art. And so they're like, chaff that
32:15
is driven away and they will not stand in the day of the
32:19
righteous, they will not stand at the day of judgment.
32:21
So I say that to say, it's not just the blessed man, it said
32:25
the Blessed couple, right? So, if you are a married couple,
32:30
you need to be reading the Bible together.
32:32
Whether that is a wonderful thing you can do and you need to
32:36
be the lighting and that's the heart, the it's not just reading
32:40
the Bible like a checklist. It's not you Delight in the law
32:44
of the Lord and you meditate on it day and night.
32:46
It's the heart that's bursting with affection, bursting with
32:50
faith, bursting with treasuring, bursting with joy.
32:53
As you read the word. And in order to have that heart
32:56
you have to repent and you have to ask Jesus for forgiveness for
32:59
not delighting in his word. So Meditating on the word
33:03
together. So if you're just married you
33:06
don't have kids. Deuteronomy 6, talks about how
33:09
you supposed to walk with your kids and talk with them about
33:11
the Bible. Do that with your spouse, the
33:13
starting out, maybe you don't have kids and maybe you need to
33:16
be talking with your spouse. Hey, would you read the Bible
33:19
today? Hey, I saw that you were reading
33:21
the Bible early in the morning. So like my wife and I, we read
33:24
the Bible at night, that's the best time that we do it.
33:26
And we read separately, and then we come together and we talk
33:29
about it. And then we read just a little
33:31
bit before bed not much. Much.
33:33
And what I would say would be, don't don't try to bite off more
33:35
than you can chew. So it gets this is a sub point.
33:39
We're not, we're not going for giant chunks of reading, if you
33:44
have the time to do that, that's wonderful.
33:46
But we're thinking one small step for man one giant leap for
33:49
your home. So we're just one plod, one
33:53
thing at a time and that will transform everything in your
33:57
marriage to the glory of God and for your good.
33:59
So they'll be the first tip. And The second thing I would say
34:04
we would be this one is harder. Okay?
34:07
So this was kind of brutal, but you've got to do it, all right,
34:12
so if you're if you're married, you need to go to your spouse
34:19
and you should say, honey or maybe your Snickerdoodle or
34:23
whatever you call them, that's what is one thing.
34:30
Just one? What's one area that I I need to
34:33
grow in in our marriage and when you tell me, I'm going to
34:37
receive it with joy and I'm not going to argue about it, and I
34:40
just want to hear it, and I will receive it humbly.
34:44
If you do that, if you do that, you can go to your spouse and
34:46
say, I want you to tell me. If tell me one area, you can't
34:49
say that. There's nothing I'm against
34:50
everything. I'm doing is great because
34:51
that's not true. You give me one area.
34:53
Tell me that one and I will I will really hear you.
34:57
That can be a transformative moment in your marriage and is a
35:01
very good habit to And so I think you should as a tip go to
35:05
your spouse and say hey look everyone to know, I want to
35:07
grow, tell me what's one area. I want to be want to be honest
35:11
with me, and I will receive it. So be tip number 2, third one, I
35:18
will combine to stop going to school.
35:20
I'm going to cheat and I'm going to squeeze, squeeze.
35:24
I think. If you want to have a wonderful
35:27
marriage, you have to prioritize communication and physical
35:34
intimacy. So communication and sexual
35:36
intimacy, I'm sneaking that in because those two are related.
35:41
If you're not good at communicating, you're not going
35:44
to have a good sexual intimacy. If if Communicating, but you're
35:48
never having sexual intimacy. Something's misfiring.
35:50
It's not working as it should. So and I say, prioritized this
35:56
has to be a priority in your marriage.
35:59
It just has to be when couples get busy.
36:03
We were told this by the Lambert's, the Lambert's did a
36:05
pre-marriage counseling. They told us the first two
36:07
things to go communication and sex and that's that's generally
36:12
true for most couples and you have to fight.
36:15
You have to be intentional to Uh, Kate to talk to one another,
36:19
how are you doing? What's going on?
36:21
What are your fears? What are your loves, where your
36:23
pressures, what? Your tension going on your life?
36:26
Let's talk. I want to know what's going on
36:28
during your day and and then also prioritize, sex, sex is not
36:37
not going to make a great marriage.
36:38
But a great marriage will have wonderful, exciting, joyful
36:42
sexed and of the Song of Solomon is is a rich wonderful book that
36:48
A couple's Delight in God's good gift.
36:50
And if you're too busy, you need to plan it.
36:52
You plan vacations, you need to plan sex.
36:54
You, if you're too swamped, you've got to make this
36:56
priority. If you're eating food, you got
36:58
to make this a priority, so it'd be better if you had peanut
37:01
butter sandwiches for lunch and you were able to come together
37:04
and enjoy one another in bed than to have a gourmet meal
37:07
every night. So, you got to, you got to make
37:09
this a priority and that's crucial.
37:10
So those would be my 3.5 tips about get a spray tan.
37:17
You know, I'm not for that second point.
37:19
I thought I'll number 8, but that second Point really, if a
37:23
marriage is struggling, like we talked about previously with
37:27
legalism and struggle and strife, and their heart isn't
37:30
right in their heart isn't in the right mindset.
37:33
When you ask that question, one growth point, if you're asking
37:37
it from a sense of, you know, resentment or whatever, maybe,
37:43
and you're not in the right heart moment, you're going to
37:46
take it wrong. And you're going to now.
37:48
Now you're gonna have a fight moment, you're going to us,
37:51
right, you're going to blow each other.
37:52
So it really, it begins to build back and say, okay, where we at,
37:56
where's my heart at. And if you can't, if you can't
37:59
ask that in a good spirit, don't ask that question.
38:02
That's right. Yeah, you got to humble yourself
38:04
first? Yeah, yeah.
38:05
Because the, you may hear something.
38:07
You want. Don't want to hear.
38:08
I think that's good. I've been there as a husband.
38:10
That's a dad. And my wife has told me many
38:12
times, hey, you're, you don't need to do that.
38:15
And she told me that when I wasn't in the right, Right
38:17
moment in the right heart set and it was an argument time and
38:21
so it's really making sure. And we're not perfect, were
38:26
humans as well. And so it's making sure we're in
38:28
the right mindset where the right heart set when these
38:31
questions and things arise in our life.
38:34
So I think it's perfect, it's awesome.
38:36
And any closing things from you today, Sean, anything that you
38:40
want to add our listeners or anything could be helpful.
38:42
I'll link your your books in the show notes where they can
38:45
purchase them at But you could be any closing, thoughts from
38:48
you. Yeah.
38:50
One final thing I would say especially, we're talking about
38:53
legalism here. Oh my goodness.
38:55
A legalistic heart is a nun, joyful heart, it's lacking
39:01
happiness. It's like enjoy.
39:03
And the god of the Bible is a happy happy God.
39:06
And marriage is meant to be happy.
39:09
It's meant to be filled with joy from the heart as a good gift to
39:13
God. And so I would just say the
39:16
fruit of the Spirit is joy and that if you don't have joy,
39:22
that's because something is misfiring in your heart.
39:25
And if you're focused on legalism and rules, again rules
39:28
aren't bad, rules are not bad, but if your joy comes from your
39:33
obedience to to a specific framework or specific task or
39:38
whatever it is, and your joy is not fundamentally rooted in God
39:41
and his word and you're missing out.
39:43
You're missing out on, you're missing out on the greatest gift
39:46
of life, which is knowing our Very Happy Garden.
39:48
So I would say, I'm super thankful for the conversation.
39:50
I'm super thankful for the opportunity to talk about it and
39:54
I'm really grateful that you had me on on your show.
39:56
James, I appreciate it. Yeah thanks for being here today
39:59
and thank you for our listeners for tuning into this short
40:02
interview interview. I think it was so impactful help
40:05
me out. And like I said, I've enjoyed
40:07
listening and reading after shown and so I hope you will as
40:09
well. And until next time to God, not
40:13
the pastor, be the glory. Thanks for listening to the for
40:19
Freedom podcast to find more content like this.
40:22
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40:28
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