Latest / Resilience and Relationships (R&R) / The Power of a Small Gesture - Resilience in Life and Leadership Episode 059
Transcript
- 0:00Stephanie Olson: Welcome to resilience in life and leadership with your host, Stephanie Olson, CEO speaker, author and sexual violence and addiction expert, we're glad you're here. Hi, I'm Stephanie Olson, so glad to be here with you today. I want to talk about something that really struck me the other day, that sometimes we get so busy and so in our own head that we don't notice the little things, and sometimes it's the little things that can make a huge difference in someone's life, and that someone could be us at any given point.
- 0:44Stephanie Olson: I was walking into a restaurant the other day. I was meeting my mom for breakfast, and and I was running late as usual, and so she and a friend were already there, and as I walked in, this older gentleman was walking out at the same time, and he looked a little discouraged. He looked a little, I don't know, not not upset, but just just discouraged. And so I said, Hi, how are you now? I would have normally done that, and I'm I'm normally a pretty friendly person I like to think, and that sounds weird to say, as I say it out loud, because hopefully most of us are nice. Hello, now and then is not a lot of work. But he looked at me and actually said, you know, I'm not doing okay today. I don't feel very good. I'm I'm just not having the best day. And you know what?
- 1:47Stephanie Olson: I'm 95 years old, and that actually took me back a little bit, because he didn't look 95 and I made a shocked face. I don't know what a shocked face looks like, but I made a shocked face. And he said, Wow. Well, the fact that you are surprised by that actually makes me feel good. And I said, it should, and you should also feel great, because you're amazing. I have in this short amount of time that I've gotten to know you, which isn't a lot, granted, I think you're a great person, and I am just thankful that you are here. I know that sounds weird, but it felt right at the time, and he thanked me profusely and said he was so glad he ran into me and that he was going to have a good day. Now I want to tell you. I'm not telling you this because I want a pat on the back or I did anything that great.
- 2:53Stephanie Olson: I'm saying it because I think sometimes we can do things that are extremely profound in someone's life, and we don't even recognize that we made a difference, but you did. We can make a difference in somebody's life simply by smiling, simply by saying hello. It does not take a lot of effort to be a kind person, to be a friendly person. And I don't know if you've ever watched and Anna, I'm not recommending them, but if you've ever watched any of those, what they call the Karen videos, or crazy Karen videos. I hate that, because I know amazing Karens, and so I just want to go on the record and say all of the Karens I know are incredible, but they have these videos that show these people just getting unhinged about the littlest things. And I think, wow, that's got to be so painful. It. It's got to be so painful to not be able to go somewhere and just see the good in things or, or to be able to smile at somebody or or let something roll off your your back, because you know what?
- 4:21Stephanie Olson: Somebody might be having a bad day. Now, I'm not perfect at it, and I will tell you firsthand that I have had my share of of not being kind and not being nice and not being the one who can lend encouragement. I think we have all been there, but that day was really profound to me, because not only could I tell he was discouraged, but then. He told me he was and my little interaction with him tiny made him feel better. And that's that's a really cool thing. I do have this goal, and again, I'm not always good at this, but I want people, when they leave my presence, to feel better about themselves when they enter my presence, I will tell you I used to be a pretty miserable person, and that is just the truth. I was not a happy person with myself. I was I had no faith to speak of, which I think, and I only say that to say that has enhanced my ability to have joy in my life, but I wanted people to feel crappy because I felt crappy. And I know that's a thing. I know that other people have have experienced that have felt that, and what I will tell you is that is a miserable way to live. I've seen people consumed by bitterness. I have seen people consumed by wanting to get revenge. It is literally life sucking and it kills you. I mean, truly it does. And so I would just encourage you to reflect on the amazing things that you have. And you know, I guess that would be like a gratitude list. I'm not even asking you to do a gratitude list, but I think sometimes being able to reflect on the things that, well, we're grateful for. Okay, that might be a gratitude list, but reflecting on those things and saying, Yeah, I'm just so grateful for this and the this might be, I'm grateful I woke up this morning that this might be I'm grateful I have milk in my fridge, albeit almond milk, and I'm grateful I'm grateful for the people that love and support me. So what are you grateful for? What can you do to make someone's day. You may not know that you did. It may not be as obvious as this gentleman who told me that that he felt better because of an encounter with me.
- 7:56Stephanie Olson: You may not know that ever, but I bet it does, and I know when somebody smiles at me, it makes my day, or at least it makes my moment. It makes me feel good in the moment when somebody smiles at me, when somebody is genuine, when they tell me to have a good day when somebody says something to to uplift me. And I think it can be as simple. I was thinking about this the other day too. Do you tell the people around you that you love them, or that they're doing a good job, that they're special to you, or they mean something to you, that they have value worth. If you're an employer, do you tell your employees, great job now, I mean, maybe if they didn't you, you know, don't say it in that moment. But are we? Are we stingy with our compliments?
- 9:07Stephanie Olson: People really do want to be accepted, they want to feel good. They want to know they've done something well. So share.
- 9:16Stephanie Olson: Be generous with your compliments. Be generous with the things that you give I know I am totally rambling right now, but this is just what is on my heart, that if you see someone who looks amazing, tell them if, if you heard an incredible speaker, let them know that they're a great speaker. If if you hear somebody do something talented, play the piano, sing or dance or whatever, don't hesitate to let them know that you thought they were amazing. I think sometimes we hold back compliments. Because we think they know they already know they're amazing, or else they wouldn't be doing it. That's not always true, and so people need to hear when they've done something well, or when you appreciate them. People need to know that they're important to you. So those are my ramblings.
- 10:22Stephanie Olson: All started with a guy in a restaurant who looked discouraged, who happened to be 95 years old and needed a little pick me up. My challenge to you is this week, find something good in as many people as you can, and then tell them, tell them what's good. I want to read a story to you, and I think it's a really important one, and I'm going to put on my really cool glasses that I love, but they give me the ring lights, so I did take them off so you wouldn't have to be distracted if you're watching and not just listening. But here we go. Let me read this story. One day when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle, and it looked like he was carrying all of his books. And I thought to myself, why would anyone bring home all of his books on a Friday? He must be a nerd. I had quite a weekend planned parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon, so I shrugged my Stolt shoulders and went on as I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him, and they ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him. So he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about 10 feet in front of him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes, and my heart went out to him, so I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses. I saw a tear in his eye as I handed him his glasses. I said, those guys are jerks, and they should really get lives. He looked at me and said, hey, thanks. There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived, and as it turned out, he lived near me. So I asked him why I'd never seen him before, and he had said he had gone to a private school before.
- 12:32Stephanie Olson: Now, I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends, and he said, Yes. We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came and there was a there was Kyle with a huge stack of books. Again. I stopped him and said, boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day. And he just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends, and when we were seniors, we began to think about college.
- 13:18Stephanie Olson: Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke and I knew that we would always be friends and that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
- 13:43Stephanie Olson: Graduation day, I saw Kyle, and he looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses, and he had more dates than I had, and all the girls loved him. Boys, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, Hey, big guy, you'll be great. He looked at me with one of those looks, the really grateful one, and smiled, thanks. He said, as he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began, graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years, your parents, your teachers, your siblings may be a coach, but mostly your friends.
- 14:31Stephanie Olson: And I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I'm going to tell you a story. I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to take his life over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. Thankfully I was. Saved my friend, saved me from doing the unspeakable. I heard the Gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
- 15:11Stephanie Olson: I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
- 15:20Stephanie Olson: Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person's life. So my challenge to you today is, be that person, be that kindness, be that great interrupter and change a person's life. Now you may never know, like in this story, that you did change somebody's life, but I guarantee if you do it enough times, you will thanks for hanging out with me. We'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. We hope you enjoyed it. Please share freely. You.