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Some tips to make the season more enjoyable · Head Shrink Inc.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, it's me.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Holidays are coming up.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about it.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Hedge Drink Inc.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your answers to life, relationships, and daily living.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello again.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you what, right now, it is gloomy outside.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um we have like uh it's I think it's called something like a uh river storm or something.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's been raining buckets non-stop.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Supposedly it's supposed to be six inches.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're thinking about moving to the northwest, that's why you don't want to move to the northwest because of weather like today.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in my office and it just is so gloomy outside.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And gloomy is no fun, and it's cold, right?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, well, hey there.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Haven't spoken to you for a bit.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: No excuses, I just haven't done it.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, been working and all of that stuff, so I'm here now.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the things that's coming up that a lot of people dread, a lot of people love, um, are holidays.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think Thanksgiving is about two and a half weeks away, three weeks away, one of those two.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then after that, um, Christmas is coming up.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so people that love it are probably already decorating, um, thinking, making plans.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: In my house, my wife has several things that she's doing with um a lot of the a lot of other family members.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Luckily, I work, so I don't have to go to Victoria Christmas, Victorian Christmas, or things like that, or Nutcracker Sweets Ballet.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: On that, we both agree that we are not interested in going, but now is the time of year for that, and some people love it.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, family traditions kind of start showing up for people.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Other people um will say, I hate this time of year, I don't want to get around family and etc.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: etc.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then some other people are kind of in between.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to talk today, just give some ideas on the way that you can if you don't enjoy the holiday seasons right now, um, if you're one of those people, um, I wanted to talk about ways that you can make it more manageable because ultimately, if you have kids or if you have family that want to see your kids, um, or you are an older young adult and kind of conflicted about who you're gonna spend time with, or you come from a divorced family and it creates a lot of drama.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I I want to share some ideas that maybe you can find useful to yourself.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so let's let's go through these.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the things that I think is uh that's easy to create havoc in people's lives is during the holiday seasons, um, there's like a rush, a rushing, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I gotta go to this, I gotta do this, I gotta go to this party, oh, I gotta get these presents for these people, I gotta go over here to this thing and do this thing.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so, one of the things that I have found to be useful is as much as possible, maintain your regular routine.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so if that means you go to work at eight and you get off work at five, or whatever it means, you pick up kids at three, or you drop kids off at eight in the morning.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's keeping that as regular as you can.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you exercise at a certain time, keep maintain your exercise routine, um, go to meetings like you normally go to, make phone calls with friends, interact with friends like you normally do.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's gonna be a little bit, there could be a little bit of variation to that, but but ultimately if you can uh keep your routine as regular as possible, that would be um ideal.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um another topic, another tip is you may be from a family that um has certain individuals in it that love the holidays, and so they'll they get really elaborate with their decorations inside and out.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And or you're in a neighborhood where there's like lots of people that put up decorations and things like that, and so there could be this pressure on you.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and my encouragement would be to just be realistic because uh you may not have the ability to fight, you may not have the ability time-wise, and you may not have the ability financially to be able to spend a lot of money and time on like outrageous decorations like your neighbor does.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I think there's a societal pressure that starts to come into play.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta be like my neighbor down the street, I gotta be like my my sister who loves this and who celebrates it big.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't celebrate it big, don't let the pressure of other people celebrating it big get to you.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Be realistic.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Try not to expect the ideal perfect holiday.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um some people get disappointed every year because things don't match up like they think they should match up.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I guess the solution I have to that is be realistic about things because it's it's a season, it's not a day.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um life is still happening for people, people are still getting upset, people are still having depression, etc.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: etc.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so try to be as realistic as possible.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's only been recently that I've actually really come to enjoy the holidays.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Before, for me, it was very, oh great, I gotta go find a Christmas tree.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, now I gotta take this Christmas tree down and put all the decorations away.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And as my kids have gotten older, I've really kind of dug into just in leaned into the idea of enjoying Christmas and enjoying being around family and all of the all of the stuff.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: But that's me being realistic, like recognizing there is work related to it, but I my enjoyment has increased, so the work isn't that big of a deal for me.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um another big one that happens around this time of year for a lot of people is guilt.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um so when when guilt shows up on the scene, we often will put really an unfair amount of pressure on ourselves to be happy because someone else because we think someone else is expecting that of us.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then when if we don't do it enough, we start to feel guilty, like, oh no, I'm doing something wrong.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And usually when I hear someone talking about guilt, my my next kind of my next comment is like, well, guilt implies that you're doing something wrong, so what are you doing wrong?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And generally people say, Well, I'm not doing anything wrong.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, That's right, so there should not be guilt.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so the guilt is usually created by someone else.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Often it's a parent that is telling you how sad they are that you're not coming over to see them, and especially in divorced families, this happens where, well, you're spending time with them, you need to come spend time with me, and then it gets overwhelming to the person because they don't want to uh create ill will, and so they're trying to really change their life to make themselves available for these two sides of the family, and if they don't do it in an adequate way, they start to feel guilty.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And um, my my suggestion to you is that when you start feeling guilty about something, um, chances are you're probably not actually doing something wrong.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Chances are it's someone else has been hurt, and instead of addressing this hurt in themselves, they're trying to put that onto you, and I think guilt is then created.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, my suggestion is just to throw your guilt out the window and live your life in a reasonable way.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you know, if you if you're in a divorced family, this is where it happens a lot more in in divorced families.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're in divorced families, um try to be as e equal as you can, or if if you want to, right?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't want to, um you're a grown adult, you get to choose what you want to do.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's that is another tip.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're a grown adult, you can choose to do what you want to do.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: So that means if you don't want to go to someone's house for a Christmas party, you don't have to.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um if you only want to stay two hours at a family's home, you only have to stay two hours.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't want your if you don't want to exchange presents, don't exchange presents.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um like there's boundaries that you can put up because you're you are a hopefully a competent adult who can make good choices for yourself.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um another tip is um I mean it goes back to the idea of boundaries, like just say no, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: If some of you out there are people pleasers, and um if you're a people pleaser, you struggle with this idea of saying no.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I would submit if you struggle with the idea of saying no, you also struggle with boundaries, most likely, and you are worth more than you realize.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so you should start practicing saying no if you don't want to do something.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you say yes and when you're kind of like that classic people pleaser, guilt takes over your life, you overcommit to things, and then ultimately you get overwhelmed and you find that you don't have time for yourself, and often for your own kids and your own family and friends, and so that gets to be problematic as well.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then a big one that I would encourage you to consider during the holiday seasons is self-care.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you sit back and you think, okay, Thanksgiving's coming up, uh, Christmas is coming up, what do I want to do?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: What do I value?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: What do I enjoy?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now the problem is like we're talking I, I, I, and some people will say, that's so selfish.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I would disagree with you.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think that on some level there's got to be self-care around the holidays.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: So if you um want to go to a Christmas party, if you want to have a Christmas party, go to a Christmas party and have a Christmas party.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to sit at home and sip on your apple cider or your hot cocoa, sip on your apple cider or your hot cocoa.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't want to do anything related to the holidays and you don't want to exchange presents, don't do anything for the holidays and don't exchange presents.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to make someone feel very special by giving them a handmade gift, give them a handmade gift.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to get your nails done, go get your nails done.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: So the point of what I'm trying to express here is self-care is super important.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it's I'm just talking to a client today that she is very clear, she she's in a dating relationship and she's very clear with this person that she's newly dating of what she needs for self-care.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't mean that she dislikes this person.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: What it means is that if she doesn't get this self-care, she's going to have behavior that's not going to be great for their relationship.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And the more you and I can recognize what we need and what we don't need in our life, the better relationships we can actually have.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so perhaps what that is going to mean is like if you're an introvert and you recognize that if you're around people a lot, you get kind of cranky and annoying and irritable.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Don't be around people.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um take a break if you need to.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: If there's three parties that you've been invited to, choose to only go to one.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, will you hurt people's feelings?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Possibly.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but if those people know you and if they care about you, it's not going to be this long-lasting hurt that breaks a relationship.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if it does break a relationship, perhaps not that's not even a relationship that you should be in, uh honestly.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but ultimately, so so these are just tips for you.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: But ultimately, enjoy as much as you can the season.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I would say if you are against the season, that's fine.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: You can be.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: But but don't be a downer to other people.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like if there's people that love to celebrate it, good for them.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let them let them celebrate it.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: If there's people that don't like to celebrate it, don't condemn them for not wanting to celebrate it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, who knows what issues they have going on that's that that created that.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so ultimately, I guess a l live and let live perspective, um, and the older I get, the more I'm thinking live and let live is like a good kind of mantra to introduce into your life.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there's some pro tips for your upcoming holiday functions.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if I didn't specifically address something that you really want to know an answer to, um send me an email at headshrinkinc at gmail.com.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's headshrinkinkinc at gmail.com, and uh I can put that into the topic of my next podcast.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Which if I get one before Christmas, I probably will do one.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: But if I don't get one before Christmas, it's kind of iffy on whether I'll find the time to do one.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: So um thanks for still listening.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know I've been absent for a bit, but I am still alive and kicking, um, and would love to hear from you if you have comments or questions.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: All right, take care, have a great weekend.