Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Conquer Imposter Syndrome: Confidence Strategies for Women

Transcript

Conquer Imposter Syndrome: Confidence Strategies for Women · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

0:03
Hello, everyone.
0:04
Welcome to another episode of Chatting with the Experts TV show hosted by me,
0:10
Paula Okonneh, where I bring women to you.
0:14
Women who are from Africa, from the Caribbean, and in the diaspora.
0:19
These women are professionals and/or successful business owners,
0:25
entrepreneurs, and their mission they share with me is that we inspire, we
0:32
educate, and we empower women globally.
0:37
I sometimes have men, but 99.
0:40
9 percent of the time, my guests are women.
0:44
So today, the title of our show is Confidence The Game Changer, and
0:52
we're going to be talking about having confidence as a gateway to
0:57
achieving your goals and making money, who doesn't like that, and
1:01
living the life that you deserve.
1:04
With me to do that will be, Constance Howard, and she is a successful
1:10
executive coach that's dedicated to empowering professional women to
1:16
overcome limiting beliefs and self doubt, and she helps them write the
1:21
next great chapter of their life.
1:27
And now that I've given you a snippet of her bio, why don't I
1:31
welcome Constance to the show.
1:34
Hi Constance.
1:37
Hi, how are you?
1:38
It's good to be here.
1:40
It's good to have you here.
1:42
And as you heard me say, I just gave a snippet of your bio.
1:45
So can you just share with us a little bit about you before
1:48
we go into the full interview.
1:51
Well, I'm originally from upstate New York, a small town in upstate New York.
1:56
You know, everybody thinks New York is New York City and has a whole
2:00
vast, you know, upstate New York area.
2:04
And that's where I'm from.
2:05
So I was from a small town.
2:07
And all I ever wanted to do was to shake the dust of that small town off.
2:11
You know, I wanted to be any place other than upstate New York.
2:15
And so I went to college and I, you know, I often say I got bit by the
2:19
TV bug because from that moment on, I wanted to do nothing else but TV news.
2:26
And that really was the gateway to my life.
2:30
You know, to opening up doors in my life that, you know, a small
2:34
town kid could never imagine.
2:37
And then, you know, and it was great.
2:39
I loved it.
2:40
I worked all over the country, you know, I did all kinds of stories and
2:44
it was great until it wasn't great.
2:46
And then I wanted to get out and I struggled with how to do that and who
2:51
was I, if I wasn't a TV news executive.
2:54
I mean, you know, who would pay attention to me ? And so when I decided to go into
3:01
coaching, it was because I know what it's like to feel a lack of confidence.
3:08
And I know what it's like to think, the best is behind me,
3:13
and there's nothing ahead of me.
3:15
And so what do you do?
3:18
And so what do you do?
3:20
And that's a feeling that a lot of women have.
3:22
Mm-hmm.
3:24
Yes, professional women, you know, as well as, you know, women who are in
3:28
other positions in life where they're actually professional, but they don't
3:31
think what I'm doing is worthwhile.
3:33
Absolutely.
3:34
It's a little bit of the imposter syndrome, you know, where you think
3:38
like everybody else around you is smarter and more talented and you're
3:41
just you, you know, and that was me.
3:44
I'd walk into a room and I think, wow, everybody looks smarter.
3:49
And now the key word here is looks, you know, because I
3:52
had nothing to base that on.
3:54
And, but that was my feeling.
3:56
I felt like everybody else was smarter and more talented and you know, who am I?
4:02
I mean, and listen, I have won four Emmys and countless other awards.
4:06
So I had validation that I was very talented and very gifted
4:12
in the TV news business, but inside I didn't feel that way.
4:17
And I think, you know, a lot of women suffer with the imposter syndrome.
4:21
It's something that happens to men and women, but women tend
4:25
to suffer with it more than men.
4:27
And I think it's partly because of the insidious messages that we get every
4:33
single day that you're not enough.
4:35
Yes.
4:36
You know, despite all of your work and, you know, you're just not enough,
4:41
you know, I think about the recent US election, you know, that was a big,
4:48
you're just not enough, you're not ready.
4:50
There's, you know, it doesn't matter all of the things that you do accomplish,
4:57
you know, represent, it's not enough.
5:00
And so women take that to heart.
5:01
And so when it's time for us to, you know, look around and to make a transition
5:06
into something else we're clueless.
5:08
We are totally clueless.
5:11
You hit the nail on the head.
5:13
We're totally clueless.
5:16
And so that's where you come into play, you know, helping women, you
5:20
know, identify and boost and know that there's every reason to be confident.
5:28
Absolutely.
5:29
And sometimes, you know, our lives are the result of the stories we tell ourselves.
5:34
And so when we tell ourselves that we're not enough and that we, when
5:37
we co-sign that story, you know, then we wonder why we lack confidence,
5:42
but it's really, it's because of the story that we tell ourselves.
5:46
You know, I spent 40 years in TV news and I told myself I wasn't a
5:50
good writer and I was critiquing the writing of reporters and producers.
5:55
And, you know, it had to go through me before it could get on air.
6:00
And yet I told myself I wasn't a good writer and it wasn't until I
6:04
stopped and I listed my limiting beliefs and that was one of them.
6:09
I listed my limiting belief and I sat back and I thought,
6:14
well, what is the truth here?
6:16
This is one of the exercise I take women through.
6:18
They list their limiting beliefs and then they have to realize what the truth is.
6:23
The truth is I spent 40 years in the industry based on my writing.
6:27
Right.
6:27
I bought four Emmys and countless other awards based on my writing.
6:33
You know what I mean?
6:34
You go through what is the real truth here?
6:36
Okay.
6:36
And at some point you have to say to yourself, wow, I've
6:39
been telling myself a lie.
6:42
And I've been telling myself a lie for a very long time.
6:45
And so we slowly start to turn it around.
6:51
So how do you, okay.
6:53
You said like for yourself, you know, some of your clients, you
6:56
make them write down all the things that they're telling themselves.
7:01
How do you actually, after that, help them see the importance of having confidence,
7:07
importance of looking at that list and see what's the lie and what's the truth.
7:13
Well, the one thing that I hit him with right off the bat is your lack of
7:17
confidence affects your bottom line.
7:21
When women feel like they're not enough.
7:24
Right.
7:25
They go into performance reviews thinking I'm not enough.
7:29
I'm just going to take whatever they offer me and just be happy with that
7:33
because I don't want to rock the boat.
7:35
And what if they, you know, maybe they're thinking about layoffs and
7:37
maybe I'm all part of the layoffs.
7:39
So I'm not going to ask for more money.
7:42
You know, I'm just going to take what they give me and I'll complain about
7:45
it, but I'm not going to say anything.
7:47
That's what we do.
7:48
And so we walk away and we leave money on the table because
7:53
we think we're not enough.
7:54
We stay in positions that we've outgrown for years because we
7:59
think we're not enough because we don't have the confidence to go for
8:02
another job, you know, we settle.
8:06
We simply settle and doing that we lose ourselves, you know, I've talked
8:11
with women who after years in a position, you know, and after years
8:15
of raising their children, typically what happens is their children grow
8:20
up and they don't need them anymore.
8:22
They're off to college and they're off to starting their lives.
8:25
And so the last thing they want is for mom to be dragging behind them at college,
8:30
you know, it's like, no, mom, I don't want you to do my laundry, you know?
8:35
And so women, you know, that's a wake up call, you know, right there because
8:39
you were this child's everything.
8:42
And now they're like, Bye, you know, deuces.
8:45
I'm out.
8:46
And and you look over so many of them look over and they're
8:50
like, who's that man over there?
8:52
Yes.
8:53
Who am I?
8:54
Yeah.
8:55
And who am I?
8:56
And so that's a wake up call.
8:58
And that sense of, I don't know who I am can weigh heavy on a woman, you
9:03
know, weighs heavy on anyone, but for women, then we, you know, we go
9:07
into a depression because we think.
9:09
Where did it all go?
9:10
And what happened?
9:11
It seems like in the twinkling of an eye, it all goes away.
9:15
You know, this happened to my sister.
9:16
She was a football mom and she arranged for the football parties and she did
9:22
all that kind of stuff like that.
9:24
You know, if there was going to be a party for the team, she was the one to do it.
9:28
And then my nephew went off to college and she was like, yeah, I remember
9:33
her saying to me, I used to be fun.
9:36
I used to be a fun person.
9:38
Who am I?
9:39
You know?
9:40
And so, and I think a lot of women go through that.
9:42
It's like, well, who am I now?
9:44
And then some women are addicted to the paycheck.
9:49
You know, it's not easy to walk away from that paycheck.
9:52
You know, it's like, you know, every two weeks or once a month or however way it's
9:57
configured, you kind of get a dopamine hit, you know, like, okay, this is great.
10:03
I'm going to get, you know, X amount of money.
10:05
And so I'll shop away my feelings or I'll mani pedi away my feelings.
10:12
And you know, we'll do that kind of thing.
10:15
And also this justifies whatever, you know, I'm going throughout work,
10:20
what I may not agree with, but I'm just keeping quiet just to go along.
10:24
This justifies it.
10:25
So, you know.
10:26
Absolutely.
10:27
And so for a lot of women they take, you know, stock of where
10:31
they are and what they want.
10:33
And they decide to do the really brave work of figuring out the
10:37
next chapter of their life.
10:40
So, that's difficult.
10:43
That's very difficult.
10:44
And so they decide to do the tough work of figuring out what their next chapter is.
10:51
And it's hard work.
10:52
I'm not going to say it's not it's not hard.
10:55
It is hard because you're confronting some feelings that
11:00
you've been burying for a long time.
11:03
Yes.
11:04
And anything that's stuffed down after a point, you know, you got to
11:08
rock bottom and it can't go any, you know, you can't squish it anymore.
11:11
It's going to come back up.
11:12
And it's usually something small.
11:15
You know, I it was a snowstorm in Washington, D.
11:17
C.
11:18
And you know, I was having trouble with the crew, you know, sending them wherever
11:23
they needed to be for the snow storm.
11:25
Snow storms, and TV news is like the NFL, you know, because everybody's
11:29
going to be at home and, you know, you want to make sure your crews are where
11:32
they, you know, where they can get the pictures and talk to people who are stuck
11:37
and all that kind of stuff like that.
11:39
And the crew went to a dark road.
11:42
And I said, you know, can we relocate to, you know, a convenience store where
11:47
there's going to be more activity?
11:50
And they said, well, you didn't tell us that.
11:52
And I thought, I'm in , you know, one of the major markets in America.
11:57
And we shouldn't, you know, a seasoned journalist should know I'm
12:01
not going to go to a road that's not going to have any activity to it.
12:04
And in that moment, I thought, enough, enough.
12:11
And I wrote my letter of resignation.
12:15
Wow.
12:15
It took me two years to figure it out, but that was like my breaking point.
12:21
You know, that was the point when I said, enough I don't have to do this.
12:27
Anything is better than the stress of what I'm going through right now.
12:35
I can only imagine because I mean, It's a day where you thought
12:41
they'd take the initiative.
12:42
You didn't have to micromanage and that's an additional stress being put on you.
12:50
Right.
12:51
Yeah.
12:52
So, two years later,
12:55
Looking at the news and that.
13:01
Oh boy.
13:03
So I wrote the resignation letter.
13:05
And it's funny because the letter was like, dear, my boss's name dear,
13:11
whoever I've enjoyed my time here.
13:16
Thank you so much for the opportunities, blah, blah, blah.
13:19
I will be doing blank because I had no idea.
13:23
I had no idea.
13:28
Hmmm, and that's a big one.
13:30
When you know what you're stepping away from, but you don't know
13:33
what you're stepping into.
13:34
Absolutely.
13:36
Absolutely.
13:37
Scary.
13:37
So when I figured it out, you know, there's a whole, you know,
13:41
transition that you have to do.
13:43
You know, I coach women in that.
13:44
And how do I make this It's monumental change in my life.
13:48
And you know, it really starts with you going back to what your core values are,
13:54
what you want your life to look like.
13:57
And I think what happens to...
14:00
what happens to all of us, but you know, I deal mainly with women because we're
14:04
always affected by this more than men.
14:06
What happens to us is that we are handed a manual on success and the manual
14:13
says, here's what success is for you.
14:15
You're going to get married.
14:16
You're going to have kids.
14:17
You're going to, you know, you're going to work and blah,
14:20
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
14:21
That's what success looks like for you.
14:26
And women buy it, you know, I bought it, you know, I bought it, you know,
14:31
success was having a big house.
14:33
Success was having money coming in.
14:35
Success was I can, you know, go to a store and buy whatever I want.
14:40
Success was I can travel wherever I wanted to go.
14:43
Success was having a title.
14:45
You know, all of those things meant something to me, especially a small town
14:50
kid, you know, who was only wanted to shake the dust of this small town off.
14:57
I just wanted to get it off of me.
14:59
And so that was success.
15:00
And then 40 years later, I woke up and thought, wow, I
15:06
was sold the bill of goods.
15:09
I was sold the bill of goods that there is a cost to however way you define success,
15:15
there's a cost associated with it.
15:17
Now, midpoint in my career, I would have said to you, I'm willing to pay that
15:21
cost because I'm loving this, you know, But there comes a point where you go,
15:25
wait a second, is this the life I want?
15:29
Is this the cost I want to pay for the life that I want?
15:34
And you know, I decided, no, I don't want that stress.
15:38
I don't want to live with that pressure every single day of what are the ratings?
15:44
How's the show?
15:45
How are the crews?
15:46
I didn't want to live like that anymore.
15:48
So I was willing to give up something in order to get something.
15:55
When you wrote that letter of resignation, you said, I am going
15:59
to do, and there was a blank.
16:05
Listening to you say that about two minutes ago, I'm still coming back to it.
16:09
I could just imagine the butterflies in your stomach.
16:12
Butterflies in my stomach, but weights lifted off my shoulders.
16:16
That's a good one.
16:17
Because no one had power over me.
16:23
So you see, my boss could say, Connie, I want you to arrange for, you know,
16:31
Mickey and Minnie to come on the set and, you know, do whatever, you know, he
16:37
couldn't make any outrageous demand of me.
16:40
He could request, you know, whatever for the show, right?
16:44
And for me, that was, okay, I'm going to go and do it because I'm going to
16:48
prove that I'm worthy of this position.
16:51
So I'm going to make any, even outrageous request.
16:55
I'm going to try and make that happen.
16:59
Once I decided that this was not my life and that I was going to move on, right?
17:06
Ooh, I'm free.
17:10
I am free.
17:12
I don't have to jump those hoops.
17:13
You don't have the threat of you're going to get a bad review or the threat
17:18
of you're going to not win the ratings war, the threat of you're going to be
17:23
fired, the threat of whatever, right?
17:26
No longer hung over my head.
17:29
And I was able to be more realistic about what I was doing.
17:35
So, you know, let me just back over here a second.
17:37
I was in charge of the morning newscast which is the moneymaker for
17:42
many stations because people are not staying up late to watch TV news.
17:47
They're not staying up late to watch the evening news.
17:52
They tend to get up early because they got to get their kids up and you know, so
17:55
that's where a lot of stations make money.
17:58
And that's where this station that I worked for made a lot of money.
18:05
So the ratings were critically important.
18:09
Being first and all that was critically important.
18:12
The morning show started at 4 a.
18:16
m., which means everybody's working overnight.
18:22
Yes.
18:23
So I got in at 1 a.
18:25
m, but to get in at 1 a.
18:29
m, you know, I would get up at 10 p.
18:31
m.
18:33
the night before and I do go through my routine.
18:36
I do prayer meditation.
18:38
Then I'd watch the 11 o'clock news and I make my lunch and I live
18:42
about an hour away from the station.
18:43
So I had to factor all that in.
18:45
So 10 p.
18:46
m.
18:48
I started work at 1 a.
18:50
m.
18:52
The show started at four a.
18:54
m.
18:54
It was over at seven, but then you have to get ready for the next day.
19:00
Everybody else comes in at nine o'clock fresh as a daisy, right?
19:05
They're in at nine o'clock thinking your day just started too.
19:09
No, my day started at 10 p.m.
19:12
The day before.
19:14
So it was not unusual for my day to go from 1 a.m.
19:20
To 12 noon.
19:25
That's almost 24 hours.
19:27
12 hours.
19:27
11 hours.
19:28
It's more.
19:29
Yeah.
19:30
Yeah.
19:31
So that's my day.
19:32
It's going into noon.
19:34
It could go into one o'clock and hopefully there'll be no major news
19:39
story or anything that I'd really have to kind of like start over for the day.
19:43
Wow.
19:44
Then I'd get home at two.
19:45
So sleep patterns are totally off.
19:48
Off.
19:49
Because then when you hit Friday, you want to be a normal person, so you'd
19:52
stay up late to, you know, do whatever, and then you'd crash, and then Sunday
19:56
afternoon, you have to go to bed at 2, 2 or 3, so you can get back up at 10.
20:01
At 10.
20:03
And you did that for how many years?
20:05
5.
20:05
And it seemed normal to me.
20:07
Until I stopped and realized this is not normal.
20:13
This is not normal for me.
20:14
Now, I'm not knocking the position.
20:16
Listen, I love TV news.
20:18
I loved it.
20:19
As I told you in the beginning, it opened doors for me.
20:23
But at 40 years in,
20:28
It was not for you.
20:29
Was not for this stage.
20:30
Yeah.
20:32
Wow.
20:33
So, you know, but coming to that realization is almost the opposite
20:38
of imposter syndrome because now you realize who you were and what
20:43
you wanted and what you didn't want.
20:45
Whereas with imposter syndrome, you're like, why am I here?
20:48
Why am I here?
20:49
Yeah.
20:50
Yes.
20:50
And imposter syndrome, you develop working behaviors that are just are not normal
20:59
procrastination, you know, you gotta be the expert on everything, you know?
21:06
Yeah.
21:06
You work around the clock, you know, you're the superwoman.
21:12
Those are all little indicators that you're not thinking about your
21:16
true worth and you're not thinking about what you bring to the table.
21:23
So how do you help women to fight that?
21:27
As I said, it goes back to what are your core values?
21:30
Let's get back in touch with who you are and what you
21:33
want, what's important to you.
21:35
You know, let's start with what's important to you.
21:38
And so we walk through a couple of exercises like that and you know,
21:42
we go through some soul searching and talking about that and then you
21:45
go through your limiting beliefs and then you design your life.
21:49
If you could live any life, what kind of life would you lead?
21:54
What would you do?
21:55
Let What kinds of things make you happy?
21:58
What's your passion?
21:59
What's your joy?
22:01
And then let's build your life from there.
22:04
Let's start there.
22:06
It's key that you define what success is, because I think a lot of women
22:11
will say, it's no longer the money.
22:13
I can't get another pair of Louis Vuittons.
22:17
I don't want another Chanel bag.
22:20
I don't need those things.
22:22
You know, I don't need those things.
22:25
So you've just freed yourself from, you know, what it is that
22:30
you thought you needed, you thought gave you worth and value.
22:36
You realize that, wow, it doesn't give me any worth or value.
22:40
And the freedom that comes with that is, you know, It's just amazing.
22:47
Right.
22:47
It's amazing.
22:48
You tend to value things differently.
22:52
I remember I was having a conversation with my nephew and
22:54
he's the only child in the family.
22:57
And, you know, I was among the first African-American news directors.
23:02
Those are the people who run the department in the country, you know,
23:07
and so, I thought it was a big deal that I was in TV news and let's
23:11
go to the station and those people you see on TV, I work with them.
23:15
As a matter of fact, I'm their boss, you know, and so I'm just chatting with him.
23:19
And he says to me.
23:22
I don't even know how old he was.
23:23
He wasn't he was maybe like five or six.
23:26
He said, I'm going to get a good job when I grow up.
23:29
So, you know, me confident that he was going to say I had a good job.
23:35
I said, really do you think I have a good job?
23:38
And he said, no.
23:40
And I was like, Well, that's a gut punch.
23:45
He said, no.
23:47
He said, you work all the time, and you're always tired, and
23:53
you don't really have time.
23:57
Wow.
23:58
That's out of the mouth of babes.
24:00
Yes.
24:01
That was a gut punch.
24:03
And how long after hearing that did you now start thinking, Hmm
24:10
mm-Hmm.
24:11
. It was like another seed in the back of my another seat.
24:16
Yeah.
24:16
Yeah.
24:18
You know, I'm loving this conversation.
24:22
Yeah.
24:23
Because, you know, I'm at the age now where I have a lot of friends,
24:27
acquaintances, or you know, people that my kids went to school with, their
24:31
parents, and so many things are changing.
24:35
In so many ways, you know.
24:39
So many ways.
24:42
Yeah.
24:44
And sometimes, you know, I have some clients where the situation
24:47
is forced on them, you know, like you said, things change.
24:51
And, you know, and so they have to go find something else to do.
24:57
Yes.
24:58
And you realize that you gave a lot to a company that isn't
25:07
going to give back to you.
25:10
And you realize too that, you know, you are dispensable.
25:16
It's a position and they fill it with somebody else.
25:21
But you know that takes time.
25:23
Sometimes you're much older before you realize that.
25:25
Yes.
25:26
Because when you get that job, you're like, right, as you said at the
25:28
beginning, I identify myself with my job, my salary or whatever, the
25:32
trappings that go along with it.
25:34
Yes.
25:35
And then you get sometimes to a certain age and as you came to the realization
25:41
that I no longer want to do this.
25:43
No, right.
25:44
And you see that they can find somebody else.
25:47
Absolutely.
25:48
And they will find someone else.
25:50
And they will find somebody else.
25:51
Yeah.
25:52
They will find somebody else.
25:53
And I think one of the things that we struggle with is you
25:58
know, shoulda, woulda, coulda.
26:01
And even after women leave, sometimes they're, you know,
26:06
they're hooked to the past.
26:08
You know, they think about things that happened, you
26:12
know, I should have said this.
26:13
I could have said, you know what I mean?
26:15
You play that game.
26:16
Like I really should have told him off years ago.
26:19
You know, it's almost like talking about your ex-boyfriend.
26:21
Like I really should have dumped him years ago, but you know what?
26:26
Everybody has their journey and every journey has its, you know, its season.
26:32
Things, jobs have a season, people sometimes have a season,
26:36
and we have to realize that.
26:38
And take it for what it is.
26:41
You know, your job is not meant to be where you find your, you know,
26:47
love and compassion and all those things, you know, that you get from
26:50
your significant relationships.
26:52
And I think a lot of times we think that.
26:55
We go into positions and we think that's our family.
26:59
You know, we say things like, wow, they're just like family.
27:02
Well, the key words here are just like, right.
27:05
Just like, you know, so.
27:09
We have to remember that as women, when we go into positions, you know,
27:14
and some women go from a position into another position, you know,
27:18
and if that's what they want, then, you know, I'm very happy for them.
27:22
I'm not saying that, you know, most women quit and go create their own
27:27
business if that's not their thing.
27:29
But typically by the time they, you know, are in a position for a long time and they
27:34
go into another position, they're able to know their worth, know their value a
27:39
little bit better, and they're better able to establish boundaries, you know, and
27:44
they're better able to enforce boundaries.
27:48
And that's really key.
27:50
That is key.
27:50
It's almost like you're hitting the reset button.
27:53
So as you say, you come into the table with a lot more than
27:57
when you started originally.
27:58
Yeah.
28:00
Constance, as I said, minutes goes by very fast.
28:03
But there's one thing that I would love you to touch on.
28:07
If you were to I would say, speak to your younger self.
28:10
Well, let's say, let's speak to young ladies, because we are talking about
28:13
women, you push professional women, which means that they've had, I mean, they're
28:18
older than 20, they've had some years.
28:20
Yeah.
28:21
So if you were to say to a young woman, because we're speaking primarily to women.
28:26
A young woman who's graduating from college, she's probably going to go
28:30
get her a second degree or whatever.
28:32
And of course, she's looking at the job market.
28:35
How would you tell her it's best to position herself so that 20, 30 years
28:41
later, she's not at the point where the women that you're speaking to are.
28:46
I would say, don't lose yourself.
28:49
Don't lose yourself in a position, you know, always have boundaries,
28:56
you know, don't go into a position thinking that you're going to
29:00
give it everything that you have.
29:02
Right.
29:03
You need to know, constantly remind yourself of your worth.
29:09
And, you know, I mean, I have clients now who are kind of building
29:14
their career and you know, my thing with them is know your worth.
29:20
Every day, remind yourself of who you are, the skills that you bring to the table,
29:25
the strength that you have, and make sure that in the course of your day, when
29:31
you're dealing with your supervisor, you know, make sure that you have boundaries.
29:36
Make sure that they can't talk to you, you know, just any kind of way.
29:40
They can't just disregard how you feel.
29:43
When you are on a job or when you're going for a job, know
29:46
that it is a two-way street.
29:49
It's a two-way street.
29:50
You give and they give.
29:53
You can't give everything you have and then they don't have anything
29:57
for you at the end of that.
29:58
They've gotta, you know, indicate what is the promotion path here.
30:02
How do I build my career here?
30:05
How do I build who I am as a person here?
30:09
And if that path isn't available to you, then you need to know that, you
30:13
know, maybe this is a great move for you, but it's not your final move.
30:18
Always be thinking strategically.
30:21
Don't go in there and lose your heart.
30:23
You got to go into it strategically and you got to know, okay, I'm here
30:27
for X period and I'm going to get ABC.
30:31
And when I get ABC, if they don't have a path for me,
30:36
then I'm going someplace else.
30:38
I just want to tell you this quick story.
30:40
I was working in Raleigh, North Carolina, and I was a producer.
30:45
There were no black producers at the time, and I was producing a newscast.
30:49
And I asked, this is going to date me, I asked for like $36,000.
30:54
And they said no, there's no way we could pay you $36,000.
30:59
And I went home and I called my mom and I was like, and they said this and
31:04
they're not going to pay me the money.
31:06
And my mother was just like, she was like, uh huh.
31:08
Uh huh.
31:08
Uh huh.
31:09
And she said, well, Connie, they have the right to pay you
31:12
whatever they think you're worth.
31:16
That's their prerogative.
31:18
You have the right to work for what you think you are worth.
31:22
Now, what are you going to do?
31:24
And, you know, that was like cold water in my face.
31:28
Cause I was like, now, wait a minute.
31:29
I called to cry some more.
31:32
I called.
31:32
So, you know, you, I didn't expect that slap in the face, but it woke me up.
31:37
And then within two weeks, because there were no, as I said, no black producers.
31:40
Within two weeks, I got a job for Atlanta, Georgia.
31:44
And I came in and I said you know, I'm leaving because they're
31:48
willing to pay me what I want.
31:50
And they did a 180.
31:52
They said, wait a minute, wait a minute.
31:53
We didn't say we wouldn't, you know, they backpedaled.
31:57
And not only did they pay me the money, but they said, we're going
32:00
to put you on a career path.
32:02
And you will go from, I started there as a reporter, I became a producer.
32:08
Then I became an executive producer and then I became a news director and
32:13
that's how that was my path because I came and said just because my mom threw
32:17
that cold water in my face and said they could pay you let them do whatever
32:21
they want to do You have the right to work for what you think you are worth.
32:26
Never forget that That's what I would tell a young woman.
32:29
You never forget that don't settle.
32:33
Don't Settle.
32:35
Yes.
32:35
Oh my god.
32:36
That was such wisdom from your mouth, you know.
32:41
Yeah.
32:42
Kudos to moms.
32:43
Yes.
32:44
She was fearless and you know, I'll never forget that.
32:48
For 36, 000 and they tap danced all around it and ended up giving me that and more.
32:53
That more.
32:54
Look at that.
32:56
Yeah.
32:56
I think we'll end on that.
32:58
No, it didn't say young women don't settle, don't settle.
33:03
Don't settle, and that goes for any age group, area of your life.
33:07
Yes.
33:07
So if you're looking over at, you know, Ray Ray and you're thinking,
33:12
okay, well, I guess I'll marry him.
33:15
Don't settle.
33:16
Don't settle.
33:18
That's a good one.
33:20
So, I mean, we know that we have a live audience who are going to be asking
33:24
you questions, but for those who are not going to be in the audience and
33:27
who will be looking at this later on, how can people contact you online?
33:32
Cause I love that.
33:33
Don't settle.
33:35
I'm going to send everybody to my website because that has all my contact
33:38
information and if they want to make an appointment you know, I allow people to
33:43
do a 15 minute, I call it a discovery, you know, where we talk about what it
33:47
is that's challenging you and see if we're a good fit, that sort of thing.
33:51
You can find me at constancehowardllc.com.
33:56
And that take you right to my website and it has videos that I've done.
34:00
You can get to my YouTube channel and all kinds of things there.
34:03
So cconstancehowardllc.com..
34:07
Awesome.
34:08
Awesome.
34:09
And I always say to those in the audience and those who are going to listen to
34:13
this, or look at this later, if you'd love to be a guest, just like Constance
34:18
is and has been visit my website.
34:22
Yes.
34:23
And you will be able to contact me there or you can contact me on LinkedIn.
34:27
For the most part, I answer.
34:28
I'm more active on LinkedIn than any other social media platforms, but I'm also
34:33
on Instagram and my handle there is at chat_experts_podcast, and I'm on Facebook.
34:42
As we said at the beginning, this show is to inspire, empower,
34:46
and educate women globally.
34:48
And Constance has done exactly that.
34:53
Oh, thank you so much.
34:54
I've enjoyed my visit.
34:56
Thank you so much.
34:57
And of course to the live audience, please stick around so that you
35:01
can speak with Constance directly.
35:04
And you know, just as her mom said, don't settle.
35:07
And that was a slap on her face and she woke her up.
35:10
Constance will tell you something else that you need to hear and wake you
35:13
up so that you can be the best you.
35:16
Yes.
35:17
Thank you.