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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Humility of Handling Insults 3.24.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  4:55 And another example. That means the greatest example
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  of where your character and your humility really plays out in the
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  following way. Hajela Kashini was Cibila Tel de
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  Bonot able to handle insults. The ability to handle insults
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  does not show and prove tough skin as people believe.
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  It doesn't prove, you know, basic strong will of character
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  alone, what it proves more than anything else to be able to
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  handle something that comes your way.
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  It proves humility because insults are usually people who
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  who get embarrassed and do not respond, right?
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  They get embarrassed and they don't embarrass in return.
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  They don't respond. Those are the people as we'll
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  get to those are considered the highest level of character in
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  the world. Literally Hashem says the entire
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  world is hanging on their actions and their actions their
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  their lack of reaction. Another level of applying
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  immunity is second category is being able to be so well so
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  they'll means to handle to handle insults.
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  By the way, what's the reward? Who does Hashem lift up the
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  punishment from the Miche avera Pesha, someone who Avera Pesha
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  Avera pesha means he overlooks someone hurting him.
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  He overlooks in his, which means the vice is sitting strong to
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  you and nasty and insulting and you just continue on your way.
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  You are the person and Hashem says about you, and if you're
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  going to continue on your way for my mistake, for a man of
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  mistake, and God will continue on his way, so to speak and
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  ignore your mistake. God will lift up your sinners if
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  it doesn't exist and lift it and disconnect it from you and make
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  it as if it's completely not a problem.
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  Why? Because you did the same thing
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  for somebody else. What's the other way?
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  I shouldn't replies everywhere as you mentioned, ramu old
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  hanela vim venam or vim, If someone gets embarrassed, it
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  does not respond with embarrassment.
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  Shamim Hepatan Venami Shim, they hear their disgrace.
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  Here's someone really, you know, be very strong against them and
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  they don't return. They don't respond.
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  So in America they'd say you're you're someone who's allowing
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  abuse. He's someone who's being taken
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  advantage of. He love to say that concept and
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  it's somewhat at times true, but not oaks all I am, I got to a
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  man. These are the people Hashem
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  loves, kids, sick, Hashemish, a shamble with the exact English.
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  They who love him shall be the sun going forth in his might.
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  They're going to have and all this blessing.
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  And then we'll see certain examples.
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  Now let's understand this. Why is this considered such a
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  beautiful thing? Why is it considered a display
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  of humility? It's good character.
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  How is the humility? The only way it's humility is
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  the following way, because when an insult comes your way, it's
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  considered a punch of your image.
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  It's considered a punch and what you believe you are.
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  And someone says you know, you're slow, you're you're not
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  really that good at business. Or they say you know, you're not
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  as smart as you think you are. You're not as witty as you think
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  you are. You sense your humor is weak,
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  not that funny. Whatever the examples are, you
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  know that's a big deal. These are all shots at your self
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  perceived image as they are. And a person who is arrogant, a
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  person who believes is a big deal.
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  Now, does he have his image? He has the image that he
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  believes others see him as. And now when you're being told
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  as somebody else, an embarrassing line, a shot, a
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  punch, so to speak, your entire image of being knocked out, how
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  do you avoid this? The humility a person has says
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  to himself, I don't, I don't really know what I'm considered.
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  I don't really know what I consider myself.
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  In that sense, I have a great confidence, but I don't know
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  what I consider my image. I'm fine.
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  My image is not built or shattered by people's comments.
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  And by the way, a very important point, the only way you can
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  reach this point of not being overly insulted by things is not
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  waiting the compliments. Even if you're so dependent on
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  people's rezuk, you're also going to be hurt by people's
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  knocks. If you don't really go, you
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  don't you know, you don't swing like the wind, you don't wait so
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  much of people's compliments and he's able don't get so hurt.
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  If he was insults, you're in a steadier balance.
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  As he was said before, a very healthy zone.
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  But the key of that zone is actually humility.
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  And the humility is I don't have a whole self-image.
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  I don't think that there's a whole persona about what people
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  say about my name. I'm not reading with others are
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  saying about me and therefore if something comes along the wire
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  that is not positive doesn't destroy my world because my
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  world wasn't built on their positive, it wasn't built on
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  their reflection. It doesn't.
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  It's not. It's not to be or end all what
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  they say about me. If you have a certain degree of
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  a steady healthy balance, humility and you will not care
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  as much if people throw shots at you.
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  And this is the reality. Insults are based on arrogance.
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  Feeling the insult is based on our own arrogance.
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  And the less we are busy with our self-image, the more we're
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  able to handle, the more it's like water off my back.
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  It's not a big deal. It doesn't exist.
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  It rolls right off. It's awesome where it's coming
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  from. Yeah, somewhat.
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  But even that's even if let's say why?
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  Why does that make sense? Because if something's coming
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  from an important person, it hurts more.
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  It only hurt, not an insult. Maybe it's like, OK, that's you
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  too, but balls race. It could be, you know you can't,
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  though, you can't always take everything as an insult.
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  Sometimes, you know, you got to be men, you know, with right
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  based thetics for sure, for sure.
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  But if it's coming from a higher place, a lot of times it's very
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  hurtful. And the reason that's the case
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  is because if they don't be sending me something, they're
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  they're important people and they don't they don't value me.
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  I'm really worth nothing. If you start off before I get
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  started and say to yourself, I am not focused on myself worth
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  to the public eye that even if an important person could
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  shamble and say something about you, it's it's hurt, it's more
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  hurtful, but it won't hurt and sting as much as it should
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  because it's really not on your radar.
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  There is no radar in my eyes of public worth.
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  If I diminish that factor and I get rid of that category, a
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  safer place to that's the idea, right is the overall thing.
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  Now they're going to give you examples.
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  Go ready for these examples that shock Mr. Blue Migo del Alva
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  torso Baba Vebuta. The Gemara gives us an example
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  of the humility of a certain rabbi.
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  The bottom line of 455 about the Turner page.
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  Zilla's showing up who barred by Ville is a leak lady to sell.
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  There's a Babylonian person who moved to Israel, moved there to
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  sell, and they see each time he married his wife.
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  All right, he married his wife and he and his wife spoke a
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  different language. That's a great marriage, Amarla,
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  he told her. Bashiri Lee, can you cook a
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  certain food for me? OK, I have to look at this in
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  the English here to clear. He told her.
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  Cook me lentos odd Zili TV atone Arista Baba, right.
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  What happened was he kept asking her for things that she made
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  different things. It was a problem and then they
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  asked her for Zili Tiviaton. Arrecia de Baba, can you can you
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  make 2 lemons? This is in Hebrew.
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  And she bought 2 lamps. OK, what happened?
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  He says take those lamps, you messed up.
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  He got upset her take those lamps.
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  The thousand told his wife break it and go break it.
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  Arrecia de Baba de Baba can mean in Aramaic, it can mean on the
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  doorway. Well, there was a rabbi whose
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  name was Baba and Rasha means the head.
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  She took the lamps Javi ativ Baba Bouziat to break up, break
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  it on the rabbi. He's.
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  Giving me the court case Azarat utvarat yaton arasha.
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  She takes the lamps and breaks it on the rabbi's head to follow
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  our husband's orders. Amarla, the rabbi tells her.
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  What ma de la tat what you just do.
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  I'm Ali, she tells him. Cock sibani Bali.
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  My husband told me to break the land.
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  Break it on your head. Can you imagine in America the.
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  The lawsuits, The thing, Amar. As he said, that's what my
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  husband want. I see it's sore ballet, she
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  said. This is what my husband said,
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  the rabbi said. Well, you listen to your husband
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  Hamakom Karl. You'd see me meh.
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  She bless you with two children who are rabbis like Baba and
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  bhuta like myself. And he lives sneh balin Ki baa
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  Bhuta and Jihad. Yeah, get it?
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  She had two children. No, like Baba Bhuta only.
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  Down in 2 minutes. A minute, all right, We know
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  what's going on there. Are you OK?
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  OK, go go pick up Sam and call me and I'm going to meet you,
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  OK? What does this mean?
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  Who's downstairs? Where does this mean the rabbi
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  got hit? Or the lamp over his head.
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  To talk to Sydney. That's it.
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  Babe, I didn't come in and Rabbi.
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  Gave me a lamp over his head and he says.
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  To this woman, I'm in the middle.
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  What are you doing? I'm going to be back.
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  What are you doing? Tell this woman.
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  OK. Yeah, yeah.
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  Yeah, I'll tell you by the way. OK, You started me in there.
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  OK. Got an extension, He says.
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  All right, what are you doing? I'm doing my husband's will.
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  Therefore what? What in?
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  Good, great. No job, no problem now.
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  No problem. I bless you because you're doing
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  the right thing that you should have children that are similar
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  to great Rapids. Now, one second, let's go
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  through the soy. It's one thing to to be OK with
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  it. It's one thing to say, OK, I
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  hear you. To bless her wonder world.
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  This is the fundamental key. It's unbelievable.
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  And only through humility will you be able to notice this.
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  And that is people. So often some people have like a
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  flag that's up in the air that's basically catching all the winds
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  of insults. Anything anyone says to them,
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  they react, they jump. A lot of times people are saying
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  things that are half, half lines, not really meant to mean
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  anything. Maybe they were too strong,
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  maybe they were too hurtful. But you, you have you your flag
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  up there in the wind and it's picking up all winds, literally
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  trying to detect you now, like in Yankee Stadium, they could
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  tell you where the winds going. Some people have those winds.
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  They could tell you exactly is the wind and that comments
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  coming on my side or is it going somebody else?
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  And there's so, so, so much hearing and feeling those winds
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  in the insults all the time. You know what the people have to
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  realize 99% of the time is not really geared at you, even when
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  it's said to you is not geared at you.
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  Literally a lamp was broken over the rabbi's head and he had
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  enough, you know, strength within itself and enough of mine
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  to identify where this is coming from and to unpack it and to
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  realize it was never a geared at him.
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  She didn't need anything bad, didn't know she even was doing a
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  good thing. She deserves to be fleshed with
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  rabbis as children. How does a woman married to have
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  ghidolin takes a lamp or breaks over a rabbi's hand?
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  What in the world? The answer is a rabbi had the
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  ability and they will to recognize it wasn't meant at
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  him. It wasn't attempted at him, it
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  was attempted at somebody else. This for us is one of the
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  greatest sources of Shalom a person can have and that is so
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  often lamp over his head. So Shalom ready.
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  So often comments are said to you.
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  They're not meant to come out where they did.
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  They're not meant to hurt the way they did.
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  Even if they're said by a person who is trying to say something
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  strong to you, you know what it's coming from unpack.
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  It's kind of for someone who's insecure, it's kind of for some
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  of his life is a mess. It's kind of from someone who's
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  trying to figure about themselves.
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  It's kind of for someone who's just trying to, you know, not
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  allow you to be the most awesome person in the room.
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  It's kind of for somebody who's just tried to say comment, some
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  are trying to be funny, it's not funny.
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  Trying to be cute, not cute. Someone doesn't really know what
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  they're saying. 1,000,000 1/2 examples.
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  And you never get a chance to notice this because we're so
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  sensitive. The world today is a super
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  sensitive world, which is a great thing.
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  The world today is super sensitive world, which is a
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  terrible thing. Sensitive to give people hugs,
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  look beautiful. Sensitive to be insulted by
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  everything that goes in your direction.
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  It's terrible. So many, so many fights that
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  exist today are made-up that don't really exist.
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  They were based on comments that weren't really geared at you.
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  And even if they were geared at you, like the lamp over the
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  head, they were coming from some other place.
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  Like this woman from my husband, or a person who had a bad day or
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  a person who got insulted. I know I was doing this.
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  I recently was very strong and I can identify in a second they
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  had a bad day. It's irrelevant what they're
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  saying. Wait for it to pass, let it go.
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  And you don't get that chance unless you have the ability to
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  allow the water to roll off. That's just telling you the main
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  core, the Shalom, the main ability to be strong and
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  actually confident eventually is to be humble.
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  Because when you're humble enough to allow things to just
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  go, you are eventually have the ability to remain the same.
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  Stable first. Now, what do you mean I'm being
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  abused? I mean taken advantage of.
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  I mean, this another thing. Yeah, you're right.
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  If it's a situation that they're abusing and they're taking
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  advantage of, you have to address it.
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  Sure. But if it's conversation with
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  random people, or it's once in a while, or it's a wife on a bad
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  day, or it's a parent who's in a bad mood, whatever it may be,
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  you just let it go and then you keep the Shalom how you let it
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  go. It doesn't really meant at me.
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  It wasn't really meant for this. I can't tell my times.
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  I've been told comments, and so you're probably more than me,
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  everyone, how many comments you've been told and they
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  weren't really anything. But if you let it sit, it could
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  destroy you, can react, it can bother you, it could burn you
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  up. But I really just go by saying
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  no, I'm this perfect person. I'm not a Sadiq that can handle
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  anything. I can tell it wasn't really
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  meant at me. Have you absorbed that enough?
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  It wasn't really meant at my core.
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  It was meant because they're insecure.
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  They have those self esteems, they have their own problems.
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  They're struggling with the same topics.
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  So they tried to make fun of me about it, whatever it may be.
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  How many times talk to people who are weak in a certain area
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  and they therefore try to make you seem weak in that same area.
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  Why? Because they can't handle the
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  fact that you're strong and that weak.
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  Let it go. Let them have their problems.
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  And this is something that's so, so common and so noticeable.
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  And the stronger we are, the better we are at this point, the
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  better we're off. Now it does provide unbelievable
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  reward to good at this game. Why does it provide unbelievable
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  work? Because it's hard to get here.
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  It's very hard to get to this point.
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  Even though we say it's very clear, it's based on confidence,
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  it's based on humility, understood.
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  It's still, it's hard to get to this because you have so many
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  layers and so many red flags that go up in your mind and so
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  many buttons are pushed. You don't get a chance to really
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  think and say where's the current from and why is the
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  current from and who am I and who is she?
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  Whatever else. You never get that chance.
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  So because of that, you really never get to be able to control
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  yourself. But if you have a system in
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  place and the system in place is, wait, identify that missile,
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  is it meant at me or not? It better speed in a sense in
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  Israel today, I don't shoot down every missile.
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  And they can see that the missiles going into empty area,
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  they'll let it go. All right, If you can tell that
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  an insult is not really meant, that you let it go, you have to
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  shoot back once in a while. But you don't need to shoot
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  back. It was not meant to you.
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  If it's not meant to your core, If they weren't really talking
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  to you, they're just reflecting their own anger and their own
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  frustration, own sadness, known bitterness.
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  If you can read this figured this game.
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  I had one case I saw got the guy Hassan doesn't matter with the
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  name what it is. Sure.
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  He came to pray and there's somebody else.
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  I'm What are you? What are you?
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  Praying who they told. You.
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  What do you think you are all? These things to say.
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  The guy you know, in front of everybody, making the guy a guy.
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  He kept his mouth cut. He didn't answer him.
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  He didn't say nothing. I saw him.
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  I said that. How can you a lot of?
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  People all. They yelled at him.
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  They yelled. At him in front of me.
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  Who the hell you are? Wow, you, you are, I told them
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  there. You go.
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  You know, it's unbelievable. And they have these, that's a
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  classic story. They have these cases where
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  people were childless, people had problems and they went
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  through a high Kanansky, classic cases.
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  And he said find someone who is embarrassed, find someone who is
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  ashamed and get them for a blessing for them.
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  Don't go to a big rabbi. Go to them and they'll bless
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  you. And there's a classic story.
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  You've read the story before, but someone was in a wedding and
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  they got shambled and someone else runs over them and this
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  isn't it. They're about to read and find
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  all the can you bless me that have a child and they were
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  blessed and that a child. These cases have happened and
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  that happened pretty strong pretty frequently.
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  It's a real thing because they are the people that have the
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  strongest source of shahina inside of them because Hashem
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  says I bless such people. The deeper point is these people
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  are very similar to Hashem in a sense.
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  They're following me, daughter Hashem.
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  This is God's way God handles a lot, right?
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  We insult brothers, we insult God all day long.
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  We do every time say is a person says no talks in the middle of a
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  mignon or a person doesn't he roll, or a person doesn't learn
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  or doesn't pray, whatever else you are insulting God, He's
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  trying to provide for you. Try to provide for me and I'm
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  not giving you back in return. And yet Hashem says it's not
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  that, it's his children, he's tired, he had a bad day.
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  All the different excuses on our behalf, not to let it go, but to
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  take away the sting of our sin. So as Sham does that for us,
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  this person who can handle an insult is doing that as well.
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  And the result? They're blessed.
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  They have the shahina rest right in them, the same way the
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  shahina arrests on the lowest mountain.
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  So he not arrest on an individual who is like God in
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  this level of humility and they're blessed beyond belief.
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  If you want blessing in your life, this right here is your
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  greatest. Take it to blessing way more and
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  traveling the world to pray way more than getting any better
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  call from any person right here. This concept of blowing in our
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  lives is a source of blessing. I don't remember the exact
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  story. I have to do a little more
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  searching. I can't ask my wife.
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  I had this incident recently with this happen and my wife
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  told me to not respond and I remember, I remember exactly
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  what it was, but very soon after I didn't respond and something
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  great came out of it. OK, she told me this story, this
• 20:54
  concert, something great. Story was be made here that the
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  woman went to. She didn't came home on that
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  Shabbat. Yeah.
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  Everybody's waiting for her, the husband, every other kids, She
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  said where you go, He says I went to be my ear.
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  I think it's be my ear trashed the ass out to to the Sperry.
• 21:13
  I like you went to him go spit in his eyes.
• 21:16
  Yeah, space. She there she went well, she
• 21:20
  went to hell with me told her what the what are you doing?
• 21:23
  What are you doing? She told them her husband told
• 21:26
  me he said it's OK, I have something in my eye here they
• 21:30
  were spit. I'm trying making this and you
• 21:33
  can do it. Don't worry about it and.
• 21:36
  The rabbi told her to do it, so I'm about that.
• 21:38
  The husband spit it in my. Eye.
• 21:43
  And these are two classic crazy cases of women listen to the
• 21:46
  husband and the rabbi's having his strength.
• 21:49
  They say it's not going from a bad place, not going from the
• 21:53
  wrong place, it's coming with their own issue.
• 21:55
  The more you absorb this and the less struggles we have, it's
• 22:00
  pretty much most of the time we're dealing with the sane
• 22:04
  regular people of like minded situations.
• 22:07
  Be able to undo those fights and really, really dissolve any sort
• 22:12
  of tension by realizing that any situation I have dealt with
• 22:16
  these, I don't know what schul type things.
• 22:19
  I've gone to the guy privately spoken to him, and then it goes
• 22:22
  away almost every time. All the person needs is little
• 22:26
  respect. All the person needs is to be
• 22:28
  valued, is to be, you know, validated.
• 22:31
  And that's this reflection of the same concept, which means
• 22:33
  it's not about that comment. It's never about that comment.
• 22:36
  It's all about the feelings or something else.
• 22:39
  And the more an individual can handle can't identify this and
• 22:43
  better off they'll be and more will have a freedom to be
• 22:48
  studied. That's not be wavering.
• 22:50
  The problem with the sensitivity of the modern day is that
• 22:53
  people's days are never stayed. And on when all those people
• 22:57
  that they do like this. Right, they don't exist.
• 23:00
  The problem with the modern day is based on the sensitivity.
• 23:03
  People are up and down, in a good mood, bad mood, hurt,
• 23:07
  angry, frustrated. You know you can get.
• 23:10
  If you have this MIDA, guaranteed your mood will never
• 23:14
  change. Maybe it'll be tired once in a
• 23:16
  while, but this kind of mood will never change because no one
• 23:19
  can diminish your existence. No one can make you feel small.
• 23:22
  There is no small I am why I am. It's not possible.
• 23:25
  That's the strength, and that's the medial first wants to get
• 23:28
  to. We'll see.
• 23:29
  Hello. But that's the Strength tomorrow
• 23:30
  and many more examples of this concept.