Latest / The soulnotskin Podcast with Jen SluMac / Kristin Crockett - Founder of Courageous Destiny

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Kristin Crockett - Founder of Courageous Destiny · The soulnotskin Podcast with Jen SluMac

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I had this newfound power where I was like, oh my gosh, it doesn't have to be this way in the future.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to go through hating my body, you know, or hating my results or beating myself up anymore.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do that anymore.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I could really just move forward and keep creating, and if I mess up, just get back on the saddle and keep going.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like there didn't have to be any drama anymore about it.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's really interesting because it's almost like our subconscious is, if it were a person, it's in the room with us arguing constantly.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Soul Knot Skin Podcast, a virtual living room, a safe, welcoming place to land where you can telephone share and share stories straight from the heart.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Jen Splumack, or as my scientists like to call me, Miss Jen.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about the real human experience, the hard stuff, the wonderful stuff, and the messy everyday growth that shapes who we become.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Real stories, real people, real insight, becoming who we are.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Settle in, and let's dive into today's episode.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: I am very excited today to share with you a woman that I met some time ago, um, many years back, and we've been sort of uh on and off distance in touch through the years, and both of us have had quite a journey during that time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm very much looking forward to seeing where we're at today.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: What I can tell you is that uh Kristen Crockett is a CEO and founder of Courageous Destiny.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: She has triplets.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when that happened.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: And she's a change maker who believes in creating impact through authenticity and through love, which that's my jam.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna invite you, Kristen, to introduce yourself.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And if you would just tell us a little about your journey that has brought you to where you are today and why you do what you do.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, Jen, thank you so much for having me on your show.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is so fun.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when we met, you know, back in our 20s, who knew that we would have pods.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Someone's out there doing the math now.
• 2:22
  unknown: That's true.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, go ahead.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, it's interesting.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: When I had triplets, is really where a lot of my journey began because things in life were pretty easy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, I had a really great career.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was in sales, um, my marriage was doing really well, and then we got pregnant with triplets.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it's it's really interesting that that would be my first my first time really being not just pushed but catapulted outside of my comfort zone.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um but a lot of things changed after we had triplets, you know, a lot of the ways that you can cope when you're not in your comfort, you know, when you're in your comfort zone.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then trying to find time for yourself and and you know, navigate a relationship and all the things once you have triplets is is an interesting thing for sure.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um new baby is enough, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: But three at once.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a lot, mom.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I was the mom that worked, you know.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So here I was, you know, we had triplets.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, this is great.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'll take three months off for maternity leave, and then I'll be back to work, and everything will be great.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then what happened wasn't exactly that.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I could have used three years, um, not three months.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have the opportunity not to go back to work.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I went back to work and I had I would say that I was in what I called my one, two, three days, where everything was one, two, three, you know, change the diaper, one, two, three, feed the baby, one, two, three.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I see.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Everything was like, everything was like had to be done quickly and efficiently, you know.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We just we just had to have have have uh, you know, I can't remember what I'm trying to operations for everything.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: There had to be a strategy for everything.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Everything you did you had to do thrice.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I remember it was funny because I remember having a friend of some friends of ours over, people would come over because we couldn't really go anywhere.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So people would come over, and I remember making the bottles, and we had 48 Dr.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Brown bottles, and then we would make the bottles, and then we had another 48 that we would wash the bottles.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we would make the bottles, and then we would wash the bottles, and we made these big, huge things full of similac, and it was just it was crazy, but it was like we were talking the whole time like this was a normal thing to be done, like have this incredible you know, dairy factory going on right inside of your home.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: You had 48 bottles?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: 48, yes, because they had eight bottles a day times three.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted to get about two days worth of bottles in, and then we had to have enough bottles so that we could change them out so that we weren't making bottles all the time.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it it was just it was different, you know.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like you could sit with each one of the babies and look at their beautiful faces and and see their reactions and their cooling and like have this experience that I hear about some moms having.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have that.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I had one, two, three.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't regret it.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love my kids, I'm grateful every day for my kids.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and when they were five years old, I had an awakening because the one, two, three had stopped.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: They had turned into these little people, um, they were out of diapers, and I didn't know who the heck I was anymore.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea who the heck I was anymore.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that I had been drinking too much.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that I um was very unhappy in my job.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, once an incredible salesperson, loved it, had so much fun doing it.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I became very resentful because all I wanted to do was be at home with my babies and my children at that point.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And dare I say, I don't know, have a nap.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I just never had any of that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: You weren't a nap?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Wanted a nap.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Sister needs some sleep.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I needed some sleep.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I remember I was quite a bit overweight at the time, but it wasn't just the the extra weight.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was I had high blood pressure, I was high anxiety, I was on Prozac, I was drinking too much, I was all the things that you know I was trying to do to feel better, and I wasn't feeling any better.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had talked to, I had a friend of mine, and she's like, you know, you know, and I complained to her, I complained to her about everything.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And she was one of those people you don't complain to because man, that that woman had her stuff together.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she was somebody I really looked up to.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: She was a handy woman, she had her airplane license, she was a yoga instructor, she had, I mean, like all the things.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was complaining to her, and she said, you know, my brother's a coach.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you should meet him.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I was really ticked off that she would even insinuate that I would need such a thing.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like a life coach?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like a life coach.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, who needs that?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to do.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or you could just listen.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I just need someone to listen.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I just want to trabo bot and dump all over you.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let me go.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: So she comes back at you with, I've got someone who might be able to help you fix your life.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you what, two weeks later, I started thinking about it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And two weeks later, this one girl at work, I don't know, she just said something that threw me over the top.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: She had commented about how I wouldn't fit into the side, you know, the t-shirts that came in for a company barbecue.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like so offended, and it should, and then I'm like, why is this offending me so much?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: This shouldn't be offending me so much.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, it was a little offensive, but I was like took it to the next level.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I could feel my nervous system kicked in and going, oh my gosh, I'm in like fight or flight mode.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I looked at my friend who had the brother who was the coach, and I asked him, I asked her for his information.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really where this part of courageous destiny all started for me.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I never thought I could be any different or live a different life.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think that there was any opportunity for me to do anything other than take care of kids and you know, work in corporate America until, you know, probably they graduated from high school and moved on, and this was gonna be it for me for right now.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was gonna have to really just deal with what I was dealing with.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I realized though, in talking to my coach the first time, he had said to me, you know, he listened to me and he listened to me complain.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And he he really changed he really changed my life in that first conversation because he said after I complained to him all that time, he goes, you know, what if the people that you love in life the most are the thing are the people, how are you gonna feel about them being the ones that hold you back?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is that really fair?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I just didn't think that a mom of triplets really had any choices.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that I I get it.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of people would get that.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of moms of one baby or maybe two, you know, start to feel that way to some degree, you know?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I am the I'm the food source, I'm the you know, diaper changer, I'm the, you know, we just become these other beings to care for the young, right?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I also knew that I didn't want them to have the example.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like in that moment, I knew that I didn't want them to have the example of somebody that just kind of like, okay, that's it, you know.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember him after I had done all that complaining, he changed he said the sentence that really changed my life forever, which was you get in life what your unconscious mind believes you deserve.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what that meant to me in that moment was there was some super secret part of my brain that was convinced there wasn't it couldn't be any different.
• 11:37
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that I didn't believe I had deserved some of the things that I wanted enough to actually try to change things up a bit.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Kristen, that's really powerful.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I remember talking to you uh back when you first met this gentleman, and we talked about some of these things about the subconscious, and I had been teaching some of this in um in the classes that I taught, uh helping people sort of recreate their lives from addiction or incarceration.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had some familiarity with this, but probably what the biggest difference between uh you and I at that time is that you uh you were learning it and it was new, and I sort of knew it, so I kind of didn't think there was anything that I could learn.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, now I can see um that there's so much more that I could learn um in terms of application.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's application, yes.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's what you have sort of learned how to do.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I have to some degree now, but back then I just didn't.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it was really interesting because I I realized I wasn't taking actions on some of the things that I wanted.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things that I really wanted was to feel awake, right?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And to have energy and have a healthy body.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of the things that I wanted when I started working with my coach.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and another thing I wanted was of course, I wanted to have the career.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wanted to somehow enjoy this whole thing, you know.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I like like somehow I just want to enjoy this whole thing, so I don't have to spend the next 20 years aiming my life.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I didn't want to, I didn't want them to have that example either.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: My kids, like I just didn't want them to have that example.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So he had worked me through a process to uncover some of those things that I believed about myself, you know, about who I was and the way the world worked.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of those decisions that I had about who I was and the way the world worked didn't really line up with somebody who took actions generating the results that I wanted.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: What built this subconscious that was self-defeating?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think that a few things happened.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, I believed a lot when I became a mom, whatever I believed a mom did, and whatever persona a mom would have, I automatically became the day I became a mom.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't you don't question it.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: You just do it like somehow I'm supposed to be the mom that comes home with the toll house cookies smelling in the house, you know, and I'm gonna be a PTA mom, and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do that, and I don't know, be the mom that makes all the little cool crafts and things like that.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't me.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: That was not me at all.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not me at all.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Especially not one, two, three version.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was more like the the where's the wine?
• 15:12
  unknown: They're sleeping.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna get me, you know.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's hilarious.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was just just a wild time.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so there was a lot of application that I wanted to do things differently than I was doing them because I wasn't having the results that I wanted.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it helped for me to start to see that, you know, one of the biggest things I can share with you that I was doing was I had accepted that I would be late everywhere that I went because I had triplets.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so we had the triplets in um Missouri Senate Lutheran School when they were in pre-K.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we were late over like a hundred and some odd times.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's probably the amount of school days that there was so far and three-quarters of the way through the school year.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: So like we were late almost every single day.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: At least you were consistent.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So but I I remember going in and I would bring them in.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would be imagine being like your nervous system starting that way every day, like you know, there was like this pass off, and then I would get in the car and I'd go to work, and then I'd be five minutes late to work every day.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then we had the the woman at the front desk that's like, oh, hi, nice of you to join us, you know, and then I would go sit down, and I was going through like I was always feeling like I was just less than and a big mess up all the time, despite the fact that I was running around with triplets all the time.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a lot to apply, and one of the first things that I had to apply was I that I show up early, right?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm like, oh my gosh, how do I show up early?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right, and then I started to understand that there were things that I was creating myself to be as a mom that didn't really line up with the person that wanted the success, right?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: The healthy body, the I wanted to be a great mom.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be a great employee too, like all of it.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to do a great job, but I didn't feel that way at all.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So unconsciously, I was kind of generating this kind of hot mess scenario.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was exuding hot mess.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, everywhere I went.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and everybody would give it to me.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like nobody was mad about it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, oh, you have triplets.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you have triplets.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we get it.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody ever even questioned it.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's a lot of where I started.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when I started to see something like hot mess, or uh, well, I don't have any discipline, and and some of those decisions that I had made, I remember my coach going, Well, wait a minute, let's take a look at that, shall we?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what I could see were things like, he's like, You don't have any discipline?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Well, are all your kids fed?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Are you fed?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Do they have clean clothes when they go to school?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Yeah, they all have clean clothes when they go to school.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes they don't have matching socks, but they have clean clothes and you know, stuff like that.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And and he's like, So you do have discipline?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, and aren't weren't you the top salesperson?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was the top salesperson for years and years and years in my company.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't see it.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't see it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: All I saw was hot mess.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to learn how to observe my own behavior and then start to question it, going, well, wait, is this just an automatic response?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And when I did that, I could start to interrupt certain behaviors that lined up with things like the hot mess, and I could start doing things a little differently.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really the the very beginning part of my coaching, because in the first three months of kind of questioning some of my own belief system and and turning some things around, I was able to have way different results.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I lost my first 30 pounds, I tripled my sales, and I went holy, you know what?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have to help people do this because if I can turn around where I was going with triplets and all this other stuff, then why can't I help others do the same thing?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me just pause you there because this is really it really is quite a journey.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said at the beginning, um, we've sort of been in and out of each other's lives over the course of time.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: But one of the beautiful things about when we established our friendship is no matter when we pick up again, it feels pretty natural, right?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I saw from a distance, you know, I'd talk to some of our mutual friends and be like, oh, Kristen is doing this now, or Kristen is doing that.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I know that somewhere between you getting this coach and you becoming the success that you are at the moment, you were forced out of your comfort zone a handful of more times.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um I wonder if we could talk about that for a minute.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, you made me think of something with your coach saying, uh, you don't have any discipline, are you fed?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: And all that stuff.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really wonderful to have somebody to be that mirror for you, right?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: There was a woman who did a lot of this work.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't remember her.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, um, Byron Katie did this work where she would sit with folks and she would do it live on stage.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, she would she would ask people their thoughts about themselves or something.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And sorry, Byron Katie, if I'm butchering this, but but after they sort of said what they believed, then she would just sit there and she would say, Is that true?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then they would um, you know, say something else and she'd say, Is that true?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: And she would just keep asking them to reconsider, you know, and it sounds like what your coach was doing because this unconscious part of ourselves that likes to drive our lives, we don't see them, we don't know them, we are just driven by them, right?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so we have to stop the process that goes on about the old ideas that we tell ourselves repeatedly.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and we have to have somebody say, Is that true?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have discipline.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I see you, you have close.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: On and your children are fed.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: What is discipline if it's not that, right?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because we can't see ourselves.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's really powerful.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: It really is.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think of when you want to have something really different in life.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: So today people hire me because they want a big giant leap forward from where they're at.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and we don't have the belief system a lot of times that lines up with that.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: We haven't created ourselves to believe that we can have those things.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So what happens is we're we're unconsciously self-sabotaging ourselves.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: And usually it just shows up very, very, I'm gonna say insidiously and just not starting.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just not starting or putting things on pause, you know, those kinds of things.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how a lot of times we have those different, you know, results, right?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: We we're in that pattern, in that loop.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: In the loop, yeah.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if we want to break out of the loop, we gotta break out of our comfort zone, like you were saying.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and that that's a lot of what I'm doing today is helping people to really observe their behavior so they can break out of their current patterns.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's hard to do just by picking up a book or a self-help book.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you to your point, you really do need a mirror in order to be able to see what you're doing or not doing.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not just a mirror, but but you know, a coach, like what you're saying, has the not only usually experience of having gone through the process, so to speak, but also a skill set that allows you to take a look at the things that are showing up as patterns that the person may not be aware of.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that's really the power of this.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what I know from personal experience is that recovery or transformation is not a straight line.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's not from A to B.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: We want it to be.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: Boy, do we want it to be.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: So so I get this coach, and he tells me uh that I am, in fact, uh disciplined.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then I started my own business and I uh never drank again, and I am happy, and my kids are growing it in college.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how it went?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: What happened?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: I thought he gave her the key.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it actually goes was like this.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: And for those of you who can't see, she's uh basically drawing squiggles all over the place with her finger uh on the camera.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the big mess.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: Life is a is a messy, messy project.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us how it did go.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it really how it did go was once I had those results and I and I started seeing my own patterns, and then I started to understand how to bust through my patterns.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: All I wanted to do was help other people bust through their patterns because I had had a lifetime of frustration trying to be healthy, right?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just trying to be a healthier version of myself, and I would go through these ups and downs and all arounds, and a lot of it just had to do with the way I was seeing myself, yeah, and the way I was relating to myself, and once I realized I could change that and I could kind of bring my unconscious mind on board with the things in life that I wanted, I had this newfound power where I was like, oh my gosh, it doesn't have to be this way in in the future.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to go through hating my body, you know, or hating my results or beating myself up anymore.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do that anymore.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I could really just move forward and keep creating, and if I mess up, just get back on the saddle and keep going.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like there didn't have to be any drama anymore about it.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's really interesting because it's almost like our subconscious is if it were a person, it's in the room with us arguing constantly, right?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe not arguing, but just being really passive aggressive.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, when I pick up a tool to change my future, it knocks it out of my hand.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: But once you get to know your patterns and you can sort of uh disempower your subconscious, um you know, sabotage how do you what do you say, saboteur?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, your saboteur or what I really like to how I like to refer to it as is my uh ego.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's fair.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like my ego, you know, my ego is there to help me to survive.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the way it's programmed is to help me to survive.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: So my ego doesn't want me to go out of my comfort zone and you know, take a leap out of corporate America and start building my own business and become a coach and be it would it, I would, it would cease to exist, right?
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: To the way that my ego knows me to be.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if I never do any unconscious work, I don't have a lot of freedom to be able to recreate my life how I want it.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you befriend it, now you have, if it were a person, you've got one of your biggest cheerleaders.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot more that can be accomplished.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you're in alignment with yourself.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't know you can't, if you don't know you can train it, then you just believe it.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's right.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're absolutely right.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I saw.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I saw all these people just believing their egos and never really questioning themselves, and then they would get results they didn't want, and they were angry and frustrated, and living feeling, you know, helpless and blah blah blah, and you know, not not being happy.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go on a courageous destiny and and still go up, down, and all around because success isn't linear.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can still do that, but you can also be happy and content while you're doing the whole thing.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be, you know, come from a place of anger or frustration or disappointment or guilt or any of those different kinds of emotions.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: It can actually come from love, excitement, it can come from a sense of adventure, it can come from grace.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: And today, that's what I truly love to help people with is that you just have to start taking actions in that direction and then learn how to train your ego that you can actually have fun doing this whole thing.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be bad.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, Kristen, what happened for you and what happens for your clients when you start to get to know what you call your ego and you're able to align it with yourself?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: What shifts that you're able to then enjoy when you supposedly air quote fail?
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you're able to sort of perceive that experience differently so that you can continue with your forward momentum.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: You can actually enjoy the journey very um versus poo-pooing it or feeling frustrated or depressed, or you know what I mean?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to change my my relationship with my ego.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you know that it is your ego that's stopping you from taking action, and I like to, you know, I like to like I'll call my ego my little Lulu, right?
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: My inner child.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: My little Lulu.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh happy today.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she doesn't want to do that thing, right?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have that awareness, and so it's a lot like I just put my ego in the backseat.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: It can still tell me what direction to go, but I don't have to listen to it like it's the truth.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's it doesn't have to be the truth and stop me from taking action.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, I I kind of look at the ego too like you're on a playground.
• 30:38
  unknown: Right?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there's that person on the playground that's like, hey, let's play over here.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's play.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't want to.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go over here.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to listen to you.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: I listened to you last week, and it was no fun just sitting in line the whole time.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't do anything cool.
• 30:55
  unknown: I know.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: We followed the rules.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's no fun.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: No fun at all.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about um I don't know if this is okay, but are you able to just maybe share one of the client journeys with us in a general way without any identifying anything?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: Just colour is kind of the type of things that um that that manifest in people's lives as a result of doing this work.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I I would love to share.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll sh I can share a couple.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, one of um I love to help people move forward their timelines.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so I've worked with many different practitioners, functional medicine doctors, people who have, you know, solopreneurs.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I love to work with entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, people who don't have a lot of red tape.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Break it down, sister.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: When there's red tape, I get into it.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, I was not built for corporate.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was in corporate for so long and I was not built for that.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, let's break the rule off.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God, I'm the same way, girl.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: I hate it.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hate it.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I love to a lot of times people are just building a business and they haven't a preconceived notion of what the timelines will look like because they think success is linear.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: There is actions that can be taken.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can learn how to do things like love business development and find ways, even if you've never done sales before, or you've never done business development before, there's a way to monetize things in order to create a strong foundation quickly.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to take a lot of time.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of us believe right that it will take a lot of time, or that all of our ducks have to be in a row before we can even start.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, they're always going to be out of a row, they are never in a row.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're just there, I always say there's always one a-hole duck.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: So now we have now we have little Lulu and a hole duck.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love, I love uh stories.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: And analogies.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's the framework of my business or venture or solopreneurity, is that's not a word, but I made it up and I kind of like it.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, is story, the value of story for connection.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I had so one of the practitioners that I was coaching, she came on, she was working as an associate, you know, and um that doctor, it was a very toxic environment.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he had her convinced that it had to go this way.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And through our work, she started to see all these different beliefs that she had about the direction it had to go.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: And when you just put enough of a question mark in front of them, you start to go, well, maybe I could try this instead, or I could try this instead.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: And she did that.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: And one day she called me, she's like, I quit.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing this thing, I'm gonna create my own practice.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that was on her, I believe it was her five or her 10-year plan, and that ended up becoming her year and a half plan.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she's doing very, very well for herself now.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had another client that wanted to, you know, her and her husband had their own company, and they really wanted to be home with their boys.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: They did have a special needs son, and it was she's like, I have to make this work.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to figure out a way how to navigate, you know, all the things.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what ended up, and she also wanted community and she wanted friendship, and it was really interesting because we've been working together about six months.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: She went from um about five thousand dollars a month in revenue to thirteen thousand dollars a month in revenue in six months.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: Very, very happy family, they're doing really, really well, and she's no longer lonely, and she has those kinds of friends that are in her life that are meaningful relationships for her.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the kinds of things that happen, they're just not happening because we don't believe we can bring them in because we have so many limits placed before us, so many obstacles that we don't even realize.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think um that's really powerful.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I sort of I was listening and I sort of wandered into uh my heart space for the world, and that is uh I tend to share stories about folks who have had a really rough go of it, right?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: Who maybe have had um you know really highly traumatized childhoods or um have been in communities without much in the way of options for econom working economy or whatever, and found themselves incarcerated.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and I just think about the the multitudes of layers of I don't believe that I can that exist on some of these folks.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and how much somebody like you or somebody like me or somebody who is sort of above the fray finally or now can just pour into these people, yeah, and and just you know, let them know that they're seen, let them know that they're valuable, and help them to start questioning that um broken belief system, right?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because if people can get past the little Lulu inside of themselves, um, but sometimes the little Lulu is buried deeper than others, right?
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and so the work that you're talking about doing, Kristen, is um it's really important.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I imagine uh a good amount of it is to succeed in business.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think that the same, the same principles and the same work could be used to help people sort of uh just you know betray their their little Lulu so that they can start off and be a little more productive in whatever it is that they choose to do.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you how do you find people to work with?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: And what are the kinds of goals that people have as a result of doing this work?
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: You said freedom.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: What does that look like?
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people will hire me because they want to train, you know, there's a few through few different avatars that I have.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: One could be somebody who's in corporate America and they want to transition to their own thing, they've got a passion-based business, they want to bring it into reality.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: But if their mindset doesn't think like an entrepreneur, or their mindset is stuck in corporate and all the different rules and regulations and the corporate speaking and all of those different kinds of things, then we have a trajectory that we have to hit, you know.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: And they've got like that that operating system, right, right.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: A good thing that I can help them with is to transition over to their own thing into their own passion-based businesses.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll help a lot of I've helped artists go from, oh, like think of an artist, right?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, I've got to be broke, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a broke artist.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I helped one who is couch surfing get into six figures.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, it's yeah, it's in your mindset.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't, it doesn't matter what you want, you can grow for it if you're willing to take a look at those things.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't feel that great to take a look at.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: They don't take a they don't feel good to look at some of these things because we were like built to judge things in our mind, and sometimes it it makes us feel crazy because we're looking at past versions of ourselves that created these decisions, like when we were eight.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: So now you're looking at you know, you're looking at like one of my big decisions, and I'll never forget this because it'll tie into what you had just shared.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: One of my decisions about who I was and the way the world worked was that I'm a bad girl.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was a bad girl because I ate a penny.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: I ate a penny, and then I, you know, my mom had to dig through my excrement in order to be able to take it out, right?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then she had to clean it off and she made it into a craft and hung it out of my wall in childhood.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but I remember the excrement or the penny.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: The penny.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: She cleaned it off, she sterilized it.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: But still, you knew where that penny was, right?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was like reinforced.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a bad girl.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I went to I went to a seminar, and there was this woman that I met, and she wasn't there necessarily.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: She was there to, you know, for different reasons than I was.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: I use a lot of the tools that I use is to help people build success in their life.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: But certainly it can be used for therapy as well, and and other, you know, other modalities.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she had the decision that she was a bad girl.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Only her came hers came from molestation.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so here we were, and it was really imp it was really interesting because as we were talking, it was impacting her in the same way it was impacting me.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: Only mine came from a penny, and hers came from something a lot more serious.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I've gotta believe, you know, she might have had a deeper trauma response to that, of course, right?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there's different things that she needed to get through, but that was one of the the decisions that I made was I I had to do this work because it didn't matter.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: That decision kept us from taking the same actions.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: Once she noticed that it was a decision, she's then she has choice.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: Once I noticed that it was a decision, I'm like, that's the most ridiculous thing in the world.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mom of triplets, and I've never never really been in trouble with the law except for public urination when I was in college.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: That'd go.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well done.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you're gonna have something on your record, that's the one to do.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: Makes you very relatable, Kristen.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's like my my big thing, you know?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I got in trouble with the law.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean, it's like, and that was the bacon bits from Southern Illinois.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, We'll do another episode on that, everyone.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let's change the world.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, probably not.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, go ahead.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: But it just it it just was really it was a real eye-opener to me that you know people really do can have similar decisions that stop them.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the programming is the same, and the impact can be the same.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so incredible to me that once I found this work, I could not stop.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I heard it everywhere, I heard what stopped people everywhere.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I have to deliver, you know, some sometimes I have to deliver what I call like the snowball between the eyes because you know, it wakes people up when we can see some of these things, but you can see how if you have that belief system, and then if you change your belief, all of a sudden you're you could see where it would impact your results.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I became a good girl, I didn't have to have all this anxiety about doing the wrong things anymore.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know how much that freed me up and how much freer I became?
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the freedom comes in.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: What about victim language?
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Did you have any victim language to overcome?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean by that?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: Can you give me an example?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: Are you willing to go there?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can go there.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can go there.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that is some of the most profoundly ingrained uh Um, you know, subconscious stuff that folks battle and don't even know it's there.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: They don't they have no idea.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um I remember years ago, so I remember years ago, one of my ways of getting out of things, like one of the ways little Lulu got out of things, is she sat on a pity pot and she got sad.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when she got sad, she didn't have to do anything, and she could go out and eat pizza and drink wine and do the things that would make her feel better because she was sad.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a big a big part of my personal, you know, is my pity pot and realizing when I'm sitting on my pity pot, I wasn't ever getting anything done.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: But yet with a flip of a switch, a shift in perspective, I could be off my pity pot like that.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so go ahead.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: When I think of victim language, right?
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think of my pity pot for me personally.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um I did a program years ago called Courageous Destiny Rebirth.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: You get to choose victim or victor.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I did a lot of work to go, when am I a victim?
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: When am I powerless?
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: When is it out of my control?
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: And when how can I take back my power?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: How can I shift my perspective?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: Can I hit an override button that I create in my mind?
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and sometimes I actually do this.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: Override.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for those of you who can't see, she's literally got her hand in the air and she's like uh dropping it on a big button.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's a game show, like the buzzer, you know.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that's her override button.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to get to know when I was powerless.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, victim language to me is like I can't do it.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: It can never be anyway.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: Woe is me.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: I have to do this, this, and this before I can get that, and this, this, and this is gonna be so terrible, there's no way.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes victim language comes from real trauma.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Of course it c it does.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: And but even then, right?
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: Our the our inner victim is never gonna get the kinds of things that we want.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: But we somehow wanna you know, there's there's a lot of what I see out there in the world is there is an opportunity to l shift perspectives and look at things different.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to really create myself today as the hero in my story.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like tell me, like I yeah, like I'm the hero in my story, and I get to today I get to give myself credit for things.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_00: So there's lots of ways to get past our victim.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how long we have on the podcast, but yeah, right.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was thinking too, like, you know, sometimes as women we think, well, that's not available to me, like it or not, my voice at the table.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I get to say what I think, but it's really, really considered.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't have enough money, or I don't have enough clout, or um, you know, my parents were uh not around, or I didn't get what I, you know, all the stuff.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it takes a lot of work to get over that, but my God, if you can stand on its shoulders instead of beneath its feet, exactly you can become a whole different person.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: A big part of what I coach is to observe it.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: Observe it.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can acknowledge it, doesn't mean that you have to get down with it.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like anger or like a feeling or something?
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: How do you mean so like if today I'm feeling powerless about something and I don't think I can do something, I can go, that is the most fascinating thing in the world.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: That is so interesting.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I think I can't do that?
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then usually when I start picking it apart, then I'm like, oh, well, why don't I just try this instead?
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm off to the races running again versus sitting there staring at something that I can't have, getting resentful, getting angry.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think negativity is a deconstructor, and positivity is um, you know, a pathway to life.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it just is.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: I had um a guest on the other day, I haven't put his episode out yet, but he's also very much into uh some of what you're talking about, Kristen, about the just like strengthening the mind, right?
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: And overcoming um the parts of mind that sort of defeat you.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: And he was talking about some of the self-talk that he has created for himself, right?
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I used it the other day.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: So he said, um, sometimes when he's not feeling it or doesn't want to do something, whatever, he'll ask himself, what would an average person do here?
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_01: What would the average Joe do here?
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: And they would probably stop.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: He said, So that will keep me going, right?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was on my bicycle the other day, and I haven't been riding my bike or doing much of anything.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm noticing a difference in my ability to take long rides.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: And there's this part by my house where it starts to go on an incline, and I saw it coming, and I was like, oh Lord, I'm like, I can do it because I wanted to come down the other side, right?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Come down and just do that breeze in my hair.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: I got to the incline, girl, and I was just like, I'm done.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it, I'm not gonna make it up there.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then I heard him and I said, What would the average person do here if they were feeling taxed out?
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, they would stop.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I went up that little hill.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: It sucked, I'm not gonna lie.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_01: It was horrible.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I got to the next uh site, and then I got to enjoy some of that going down.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: But it really is that's sort of the override button that you're talking about, right?
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly it.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what mechanisms can we put in place to sort of let the old voice, you know, be in the room because it's not going anywhere.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's trapped in my skin with me.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: But uh what can we do to sort of be the parent in the situation, like you said, driving in the front seat while it's in the back seat, you know, making its little noise and chaos?
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think that for what I do, like clarity on where you want to go, like the results you want to create, what are the actions that create those results?
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: And once you know, because I always say I'm daring somebody to live their courageous destiny, which means to design what it is, align action, and then rewire.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not, if it's if if you're not taking those actions, there's an opportunity to rewire.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: When you do and you get your unconscious mind on board, now actions can become natural and intuitive versus full of resistance and all those things that stop us a lot of the time from taking action and then to expand.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I look at that, if I'm not if I'm not clear on where I'm going, then I don't know what the actions are that I'm supposed to be taking.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: Once I know what the actions are that I'm supposed to be taking, now I can hit the override button.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now I can hit it.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: But if I don't know where I'm going and what I'm doing, sure, and I don't have that consciousness, right, then I don't know to hit the override button.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know that I can shift my perspective and keep going.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_01: So a huge piece of this is awareness of the way that the human being is built and the way that our minds work, the operating system, um, and that it's really very, very challenging, if not impossible, to sort of rewire, unwire, reconstruct by ourselves.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't know if you've ever heard of Jahari's window, but it's this neat idea that, you know, I can't see me.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: I can see other things, but I need somebody else to see me.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and so people like you or people like uh us in our different worlds trying to pour into people, trying to help people find themselves to be the best that they can be.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the work you're doing is so important.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I've watched your journey and I've watched your growth, and I've watched your uh mindset uh create courage for you in places in your life that I think would have had a lot of people get sad, find pizza, and drink wine, which I'm not saying is bad, right?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: People, it's okay to drink wine and have pizza, those are good things.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, as you said, as a default, right?
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not feeling good about myself, so let me drown it in things that are not the solution.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let me escape my problem.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let me escape.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I was a big escape artist.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and we have our our sobriety journeys are you know, of course they look different, but you know, for me, once I realized that I was using wine as a crutch, that was different than and it wasn't a very good one.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well then I could transform it and be willing to, but there was a lot of stuff I talk about having decisions about not being able to live without that.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was there was a lot of decisions.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now that truly is another show we could do.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: Say that again, sorry, what did you say?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: I said there was a lot of decisions that were automatic between me and living a sober life, and yet it was possible.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just remember going out there to find out that I was an alcoholic.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I remember that.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: I went out to Barrington, there was all of these beautiful cars in the parking lot, there's a lot of beautiful cars, and those people were the most real people I've ever met.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was actually really grateful to be home.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the first time I really felt like I was home with people because I didn't feel like they were fake or phony.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: These were people in a recovery meeting.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I see.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because the pretense is gone.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and they were like one guy is like, Yeah, I remember living out of my car.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and then the car that he got into, you know, the people who really work it, the people who are willing to take a look at the warts of themselves, you know.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, really.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_00: The bad bits just and and then love the bad bits just as much as you love the good bits.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't have to not love yourself.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: Love the bad bits as much as you love the good bits.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_01: I love that, Chris.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and that's how you get to really be authentic.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can't you can't pick and choose who you are, you know.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_01: But we all do, right?
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: One of the most common things, I think, uh uh across humanity is that we develop some level, some sort of uh chameleon, right?
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_01: Where we sort of uh become what the uh the space needs us to be in that space.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a real victory is when we learn to become the same me in all the places.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um supposing that we are in various kinds of environments, right?
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes we just we build an echo chamber around ourselves, and so the person that we are doesn't have to change because everybody around me agrees with me, right?
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think the real challenge is to figure out who I am in a world of different environments and continue to be her.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's the hard part, right?
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's the hard part, and not force it, like just be her.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's scary and it's vulnerable, man.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, you know, you really gotta heal those, would you say the ugly bits, did you say?
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_01: The bad bits, the bad bits, yeah.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta learn how to brace them just like you do the good bits, because if you don't, then you're just living a version of yourself, you're manipulating yourself.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so manipulative.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so manipulative of myself.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's so freaking.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's not uncommon, right?
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been I've been doing a lot of digging into my inner people pleaser this year.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: Really a lot of digging.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's like my that's how I hide from people, is I'm like, oh, well, what can I do for you?
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: How can I make you feel better about yourself?
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: How can how can how can I get you to like me?
• 58:28
  unknown: Right?
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I get it.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: And and it it's it's it's been really confronting because I've run into a lot of places where I felt plastic, like I felt fake in certain situations, or like I became like I'm performing like a show pony.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's one of the reasons like I am a I'm a keynote speaker and I do speaking engagements, but I hate having any kind of PowerPoint.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I do, I won't dig deep and connect with the audience anymore.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's and that's scary to do.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_01: No, it is, it is, but I would say um I actually went through that when I was teaching, and what I ended up learning is um more or less scriptless is how I connect.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but the PowerPoint can serve in terms of having visuals for folks and maybe bullet points of the main stuff that we're talking about.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I can't be held to a script like that.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'll start with it, but I'm gonna go off.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go where the room leads me.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna look in the eyes of somebody and go, this isn't the conversation they need.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, that's right.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly right.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like our heart, like I think that a lot of times people are trying to figure out with their head the job of their heart.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_00: All the time.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: See, girl, come on now, shine.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_01: Shine, Miss Crackett.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that truly is another show we could do talking about the different journeys to sobriety.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, we're about at time.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've loved this conversation, and I just love to watch you shine.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_01: That people who are gonna listen to this won't be able to see you shining, but I will put uh video clips online so people can see you shine.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what else would you say?
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_01: What else do you want people to know just about um anything?
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now's your time.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_01: Go.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want people to know that they can grow for it.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, and that then I would love to see people open up their mind about what's possible in their life.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, just because your life has been the way it's been doesn't mean you can't completely transform it into something else if you're not happy.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't that the point of why we're here to evolve?
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so don't stay stuck just because of a word like stuck.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do you know how many people are like, well, I'm stuck?
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Well, no, you're not really, but I I get that your mind's saying that.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and we can really create and generate the kind of life that we want.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_00: So dare to dream.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_01: Dare to dream, sister.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_01: I so appreciate you, and um so happy for you for your success and for your journey and and for uh learning that outside of the comfort zone lie all the blessings, right?
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_01: Truly, truly.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, your website will be a link to our website will be in the show notes, Courageous Destiny.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_01: And this is Kristen Crockett, and I'm thrilled to have you as a friend and to have you as a colleague in the world of uh growing and helping others grow.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I just might want to have you back again for another talk.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll talk soon, and um, thank you so much for your time.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_01: My honor, my honor.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: If this conversation sparked something for you, or if you want to dive deeper, head over to soulnotskin.com and take a look around.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: Grab a copy of the book, Soulknot Skin, free resources, or get on the wait list for our next workshop.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you'll pull up a chair next time to hang out with us again.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're figuring out this world and ourselves at the same exact time, growing as we listen to the stories of others.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let's keep getting to know each other.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_01: After all, we are in this together.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_01: See you next time.