Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 204: The Scapegoat's Path to Healing: Breaking Generational Cycles Guest: Emma Lyons

Transcript

E 204: The Scapegoat's Path to Healing: Breaking Generational Cycles Guest: Emma Lyons · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  good
• 0:47
  morning
• 0:47
  everybody,
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:48
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:51
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:52
  we
• 0:52
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:53
  Emma
• 0:53
  Lyons.
• 0:54
  She's
• 0:54
  a
• 0:54
  trauma
• 0:55
  informed
• 0:55
  healer,
• 0:56
  subconscious
• 0:56
  programming
• 0:57
  guide,
• 0:57
  and
• 0:58
  someone
• 0:58
  who
• 0:58
  had
• 0:58
  to
• 0:59
  completely
• 0:59
  dismantle
• 1:00
  the
• 1:01
  role
• 1:01
  she
• 1:01
  was
• 1:01
  cast
• 1:02
  in
• 1:02
  to
• 1:02
  reclaim
• 1:03
  her
• 1:03
  life.
• 1:03
  I
• 1:03
  absolutely
• 1:04
  love
• 1:04
  that.
• 1:04
  Actually,
• 1:04
  I,
• 1:05
  I
• 1:05
  didn't
• 1:06
  take
• 1:06
  that
• 1:06
  from
• 1:06
  your
• 1:06
  bio.
• 1:07
  I
• 1:07
  took
• 1:07
  it
• 1:07
  from
• 1:07
  somewhere
• 1:08
  else.
• 1:08
  But
• 1:08
  I'm
• 1:09
  just
• 1:09
  gonna.
• 1:09
  We're
• 1:09
  just
• 1:09
  gonna
• 1:10
  jump
• 1:10
  right
• 1:10
  in
• 1:10
  because
• 1:11
  one
• 1:11
  of
• 1:11
  the
• 1:11
  comments
• 1:12
  Emma
• 1:13
  made
• 1:13
  in
• 1:13
  our
• 1:14
  talk
• 1:15
  was
• 1:15
  about
• 1:15
  going
• 1:16
  no
• 1:16
  contact
• 1:17
  with
• 1:17
  her
• 1:17
  mother.
• 1:18
  And
• 1:18
  so
• 1:18
  we
• 1:18
  got
• 1:18
  into
• 1:19
  this
• 1:19
  conversation
• 1:19
  and
• 1:20
  it
• 1:20
  literally.
• 1:22
  This
• 1:22
  is
• 1:23
  a
• 1:23
  very
• 1:23
  common
• 1:23
  theme
• 1:24
  for
• 1:24
  people
• 1:24
  because
• 1:25
  trauma
• 1:25
  doesn't
• 1:26
  just
• 1:26
  start
• 1:27
  right
• 1:27
  here.
• 1:28
  It
• 1:28
  usually
• 1:29
  starts
• 1:29
  generation
• 1:30
  after
• 1:30
  generation
• 1:31
  after
• 1:31
  generation,
• 1:32
  way,
• 1:32
  way
• 1:32
  back
• 1:33
  when.
• 1:33
  So
• 1:33
  that
• 1:34
  is
• 1:34
  really
• 1:34
  a
• 1:34
  lot
• 1:34
  of
• 1:35
  what
• 1:35
  we're
• 1:35
  going
• 1:35
  to
• 1:35
  be
• 1:35
  talking
• 1:36
  about
• 1:36
  today.
• 1:36
  But
• 1:37
  I
• 1:37
  just
• 1:37
  want
• 1:37
  to
• 1:37
  welcome
• 1:37
  you,
• 1:38
  Emma.
• 1:38
  How
• 1:38
  are
• 1:38
  you
• 1:38
  doing
• 1:39
  today?
• 1:40
  Great.
• 1:40
  Thank
• 1:40
  you
• 1:41
  so
• 1:41
  much
• 1:41
  for
• 1:41
  having
• 1:41
  me.
• 1:42
  Yes,
• 1:42
  absolutely.
• 1:43
  So,
• 1:43
  yeah,
• 1:44
  no,
• 1:44
  I
• 1:44
  totally
• 1:44
  get
• 1:45
  it
• 1:45
  because
• 1:45
  it
• 1:45
  wasn't
• 1:45
  until,
• 1:47
  especially
• 1:47
  when
• 1:47
  you
• 1:47
  talk
• 1:47
  about
• 1:48
  the
• 1:48
  intergenerational
• 1:48
  thing
• 1:49
  or
• 1:49
  the
• 1:49
  generational
• 1:50
  trauma,
• 1:50
  it
• 1:50
  wasn't
• 1:51
  until
• 1:51
  I
• 1:51
  could
• 1:52
  really
• 1:52
  look
• 1:53
  back
• 1:53
  at
• 1:53
  my
• 1:53
  parents
• 1:54
  as
• 1:55
  having
• 1:55
  the
• 1:56
  same
• 1:56
  wounds
• 1:57
  or
• 1:57
  similar
• 1:57
  wounds
• 1:58
  that
• 1:58
  I
• 1:58
  did
• 1:59
  and
• 1:59
  realized
• 2:00
  that
• 2:00
  that
• 2:00
  was
• 2:00
  the
• 2:00
  cause
• 2:01
  of
• 2:01
  why
• 2:01
  they
• 2:02
  did
• 2:02
  what
• 2:02
  they
• 2:02
  did
• 2:02
  to
• 2:03
  me,
• 2:03
  that
• 2:03
  I
• 2:04
  could
• 2:04
  really
• 2:04
  look
• 2:04
  at
• 2:04
  it
• 2:05
  from
• 2:05
  a
• 2:06
  generational
• 2:06
  perspective.
• 2:07
  And
• 2:07
  the
• 2:08
  fact
• 2:08
  that
• 2:08
  we
• 2:09
  all
• 2:09
  have
• 2:09
  these
• 2:09
  wounds
• 2:10
  that
• 2:10
  we
• 2:10
  carry
• 2:10
  and
• 2:11
  if
• 2:11
  we
• 2:11
  don't
• 2:11
  break
• 2:11
  that
• 2:12
  cycle,
• 2:12
  they're
• 2:12
  going
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  continue
• 2:13
  forever
• 2:14
  and
• 2:14
  ever.
• 2:14
  And
• 2:15
  my
• 2:15
  parents
• 2:15
  were
• 2:15
  just
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  byproduct
• 2:16
  of
• 2:17
  their
• 2:17
  parents
• 2:17
  wounds.
• 2:18
  So
• 2:19
  yes,
• 2:19
  100.
• 2:21
  And
• 2:21
  there's
• 2:22
  a
• 2:22
  tendency
• 2:22
  like
• 2:23
  in
• 2:23
  older
• 2:24
  generations
• 2:24
  to
• 2:25
  minimize
• 2:25
  the
• 2:25
  damage.
• 2:26
  Like
• 2:27
  I
• 2:28
  think
• 2:28
  my
• 2:28
  grandmother,
• 2:29
  my
• 2:29
  mother's
• 2:29
  mother
• 2:30
  was
• 2:31
  some
• 2:31
  narcissist
• 2:32
  probably.
• 2:32
  She
• 2:32
  was
• 2:33
  very
• 2:33
  toxic.
• 2:34
  But
• 2:34
  when
• 2:35
  I
• 2:35
  talk
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  my
• 2:35
  aunt
• 2:36
  and
• 2:36
  my
• 2:36
  mother
• 2:36
  about
• 2:36
  it,
• 2:37
  they're
• 2:37
  like,
• 2:37
  oh,
• 2:37
  she
• 2:37
  was
• 2:37
  just
• 2:38
  a
• 2:38
  bit
• 2:38
  anxious,
• 2:38
  you
• 2:39
  know,
• 2:39
  she
• 2:40
  just
• 2:40
  had
• 2:40
  some
• 2:41
  problems.
• 2:41
  But
• 2:41
  I
• 2:41
  mean,
• 2:41
  I've
• 2:42
  recently
• 2:42
  discovered
• 2:42
  that
• 2:43
  she
• 2:43
  was
• 2:43
  sexually
• 2:43
  abusing
• 2:44
  my
• 2:44
  uncle.
• 2:45
  So
• 2:45
  you
• 2:45
  know,
• 2:45
  these
• 2:46
  are.
• 2:46
  This
• 2:46
  is
• 2:47
  not
• 2:47
  just
• 2:47
  someone
• 2:47
  who
• 2:47
  had
• 2:48
  a
• 2:48
  bit
• 2:48
  of
• 2:48
  anxiety,
• 2:49
  Effy.
• 2:49
  Exactly.
• 2:51
  And,
• 2:51
  and
• 2:51
  it
• 2:52
  travels
• 2:52
  down.
• 2:53
  So
• 2:53
  all
• 2:53
  of
• 2:54
  the
• 2:54
  things
• 2:54
  that.
• 2:54
  All
• 2:55
  the
• 2:55
  reactions,
• 2:55
  all
• 2:55
  the
• 2:55
  trauma,
• 2:56
  all
• 2:56
  the
• 2:56
  everything.
• 2:57
  So
• 2:57
  then
• 2:57
  you
• 2:58
  were
• 2:58
  treated
• 2:58
  like
• 2:59
  that.
• 3:00
  Yes.
• 3:01
  So
• 3:02
  talk
• 3:02
  a
• 3:02
  little
• 3:02
  bit
• 3:02
  about
• 3:03
  what
• 3:03
  led
• 3:04
  up
• 3:04
  to
• 3:04
  the
• 3:04
  going
• 3:04
  no
• 3:05
  contact.
• 3:07
  Well,
• 3:07
  I
• 3:08
  mean,
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  had
• 3:09
  been
• 3:09
  kind
• 3:09
  of
• 3:09
  aware
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  I
• 3:10
  was,
• 3:10
  I
• 3:11
  moved
• 3:11
  was
• 3:11
  in
• 3:12
  Mexico
• 3:12
  and
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  had
• 3:13
  had
• 3:13
  this
• 3:14
  accident
• 3:14
  and
• 3:14
  I
• 3:14
  was
• 3:15
  noticing
• 3:15
  that
• 3:15
  my
• 3:15
  mom
• 3:16
  was
• 3:16
  being
• 3:17
  quite
• 3:17
  controlling.
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  was
• 3:18
  trying
• 3:18
  to
• 3:18
  like
• 3:19
  lay
• 3:19
  down
• 3:19
  some
• 3:19
  boundaries
• 3:20
  and
• 3:20
  say
• 3:20
  that
• 3:20
  I
• 3:21
  need
• 3:21
  some
• 3:21
  space.
• 3:22
  And
• 3:22
  she
• 3:22
  would
• 3:23
  continuously
• 3:24
  like
• 3:24
  insist
• 3:24
  That
• 3:25
  I
• 3:25
  have
• 3:25
  a
• 3:25
  call,
• 3:26
  even
• 3:26
  though
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  said
• 3:26
  I
• 3:27
  need
• 3:27
  some
• 3:27
  space,
• 3:27
  I'm
• 3:28
  going
• 3:28
  through
• 3:28
  some
• 3:29
  things.
• 3:29
  I'm
• 3:30
  going
• 3:30
  through
• 3:30
  a
• 3:30
  difficult
• 3:30
  time.
• 3:31
  And
• 3:31
  she
• 3:31
  would
• 3:31
  never
• 3:32
  like
• 3:32
  ask,
• 3:33
  oh,
• 3:33
  how
• 3:33
  are
• 3:33
  you?
• 3:34
  She
• 3:34
  just
• 3:34
  wants
• 3:35
  to
• 3:35
  know
• 3:35
  where
• 3:35
  I
• 3:36
  am.
• 3:36
  She
• 3:37
  wants
• 3:37
  to
• 3:37
  have
• 3:37
  this
• 3:38
  phone
• 3:38
  call
• 3:38
  and
• 3:39
  that
• 3:39
  is
• 3:39
  her
• 3:39
  focus
• 3:39
  and
• 3:40
  then
• 3:40
  back
• 3:40
  on
• 3:40
  herself
• 3:41
  and
• 3:41
  what
• 3:42
  she's
• 3:42
  going
• 3:42
  through.
• 3:43
  And
• 3:43
  I
• 3:43
  noticed
• 3:44
  that
• 3:44
  that's
• 3:45
  very
• 3:45
  much
• 3:45
  a
• 3:45
  pattern.
• 3:46
  This
• 3:46
  isn't
• 3:46
  just
• 3:46
  a
• 3:46
  one
• 3:47
  off
• 3:47
  thing.
• 3:47
  I
• 3:47
  had
• 3:48
  been
• 3:48
  kind
• 3:48
  of
• 3:48
  feeling
• 3:49
  uncomfortable
• 3:50
  about
• 3:50
  these
• 3:50
  interactions
• 3:51
  for
• 3:51
  a
• 3:52
  long
• 3:52
  time,
• 3:52
  but
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  hadn't
• 3:53
  been
• 3:53
  really
• 3:53
  able
• 3:53
  to
• 3:54
  identify
• 3:55
  clearly
• 3:56
  because
• 3:56
  this
• 3:56
  kind
• 3:57
  of
• 3:57
  abuse,
• 3:57
  covert,
• 3:58
  narcissistic
• 3:59
  abuse,
• 3:59
  it's
• 4:00
  so
• 4:00
  subtle
• 4:01
  that
• 4:01
  it's,
• 4:02
  it
• 4:02
  can
• 4:02
  be
• 4:03
  invisible.
• 4:03
  And
• 4:04
  this
• 4:04
  is
• 4:04
  why
• 4:04
  it's
• 4:04
  so
• 4:05
  insidious
• 4:05
  and
• 4:05
  dangerous.
• 4:06
  Because
• 4:06
  people
• 4:07
  like
• 4:07
  myself,
• 4:08
  the
• 4:08
  scapegoat,
• 4:09
  we
• 4:09
  just
• 4:09
  totally
• 4:10
  internalize
• 4:11
  it
• 4:11
  and
• 4:11
  make
• 4:11
  it
• 4:11
  my
• 4:12
  fault.
• 4:12
  And
• 4:13
  that's
• 4:13
  part
• 4:13
  of
• 4:13
  the
• 4:13
  role
• 4:14
  that
• 4:14
  we're
• 4:14
  playing
• 4:14
  in
• 4:15
  these
• 4:15
  family
• 4:15
  systems
• 4:16
  to
• 4:17
  kind
• 4:17
  of
• 4:17
  hold
• 4:17
  up
• 4:17
  this
• 4:18
  toxicity
• 4:19
  within
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  family
• 4:19
  that
• 4:20
  everyone
• 4:20
  else
• 4:20
  is
• 4:20
  just
• 4:21
  ignoring.
• 4:22
  Absolutely.
• 4:22
  And
• 4:23
  we
• 4:23
  do
• 4:23
  all
• 4:23
  take
• 4:23
  a
• 4:23
  role.
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  think
• 4:24
  in
• 4:24
  the
• 4:24
  last
• 4:24
  episode
• 4:25
  I
• 4:25
  did,
• 4:25
  we
• 4:25
  were
• 4:25
  just
• 4:26
  talking
• 4:26
  about
• 4:26
  all
• 4:26
  the
• 4:26
  different
• 4:27
  roles
• 4:27
  people
• 4:28
  play.
• 4:28
  So
• 4:28
  for
• 4:29
  the
• 4:29
  listeners,
• 4:29
  can
• 4:29
  you
• 4:29
  explain
• 4:30
  the
• 4:30
  scapegoat?
• 4:32
  Yeah.
• 4:32
  The
• 4:32
  scapegoat
• 4:33
  is
• 4:33
  often
• 4:34
  the
• 4:34
  most
• 4:34
  sensitive
• 4:35
  one
• 4:35
  in
• 4:36
  the
• 4:36
  family.
• 4:36
  The
• 4:37
  most.
• 4:37
  The
• 4:37
  weird
• 4:38
  one.
• 4:38
  I
• 4:38
  was
• 4:38
  the
• 4:39
  weird
• 4:39
  one,
• 4:39
  the
• 4:40
  sensitive
• 4:40
  one.
• 4:40
  I
• 4:40
  was
• 4:41
  told
• 4:41
  that
• 4:41
  I
• 4:41
  was
• 4:42
  too
• 4:42
  sensitive,
• 4:43
  that
• 4:43
  I
• 4:43
  was
• 4:43
  self
• 4:44
  absorbed
• 4:44
  if
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  was
• 4:45
  upset.
• 4:46
  And
• 4:47
  basically
• 4:48
  you're
• 4:48
  the
• 4:48
  landfill
• 4:49
  for
• 4:49
  the
• 4:49
  family's
• 4:50
  trauma,
• 4:51
  even
• 4:51
  if
• 4:51
  they
• 4:51
  don't
• 4:51
  blame
• 4:52
  you
• 4:52
  overtly
• 4:53
  they
• 4:53
  might
• 4:53
  do.
• 4:53
  They
• 4:54
  might
• 4:54
  say,
• 4:54
  oh,
• 4:54
  it's
• 4:54
  your
• 4:54
  fault
• 4:55
  and
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  can't
• 4:55
  do
• 4:56
  anything
• 4:56
  right.
• 4:56
  But
• 4:57
  also
• 4:57
  it
• 4:57
  can
• 4:57
  be
• 4:57
  very
• 4:58
  energetic
• 4:58
  and
• 4:59
  just
• 4:59
  kind
• 4:59
  of
• 4:59
  dumping
• 5:00
  their
• 5:00
  trauma
• 5:01
  on
• 5:01
  you.
• 5:02
  And
• 5:02
  often
• 5:02
  it's
• 5:03
  fused
• 5:03
  with
• 5:03
  the
• 5:03
  invisible
• 5:04
  child
• 5:04
  as
• 5:04
  well.
• 5:05
  That
• 5:05
  was
• 5:05
  my
• 5:05
  case.
• 5:06
  I
• 5:06
  was
• 5:06
  also
• 5:06
  the
• 5:07
  invisible
• 5:07
  child.
• 5:08
  Kind
• 5:08
  of
• 5:08
  off.
• 5:09
  Everyone
• 5:09
  just
• 5:10
  assumed
• 5:10
  that
• 5:10
  I
• 5:10
  was
• 5:10
  okay
• 5:12
  even
• 5:12
  though
• 5:12
  I
• 5:12
  wasn't.
• 5:13
  They
• 5:13
  never
• 5:13
  really
• 5:14
  checked
• 5:14
  in
• 5:14
  to
• 5:14
  see
• 5:15
  how
• 5:15
  I
• 5:15
  was.
• 5:15
  They
• 5:16
  just
• 5:16
  went
• 5:17
  on
• 5:17
  about
• 5:17
  their
• 5:17
  business.
• 5:18
  So
• 5:19
  the
• 5:19
  scapegoat
• 5:20
  is
• 5:20
  the.
• 5:20
  Is
• 5:21
  the
• 5:21
  role
• 5:21
  that
• 5:22
  kind
• 5:22
  of,
• 5:22
  is
• 5:22
  most,
• 5:23
  most
• 5:23
  damaged
• 5:24
  by
• 5:24
  this
• 5:24
  toxic
• 5:25
  family
• 5:25
  system
• 5:26
  and
• 5:27
  can
• 5:27
  go
• 5:28
  on
• 5:29
  if
• 5:29
  they.
• 5:29
  If
• 5:29
  you
• 5:30
  work
• 5:30
  through
• 5:30
  your
• 5:30
  trauma
• 5:31
  to
• 5:31
  become
• 5:31
  the
• 5:31
  truth
• 5:32
  teller
• 5:32
  of
• 5:32
  the
• 5:32
  family
• 5:33
  and
• 5:34
  to
• 5:34
  kind
• 5:34
  of
• 5:34
  burn
• 5:35
  it
• 5:35
  out
• 5:35
  and
• 5:35
  break
• 5:36
  down
• 5:36
  those.
• 5:36
  That
• 5:37
  toxicity
• 5:37
  for
• 5:38
  everyone
• 5:38
  else.
• 5:39
  Absolutely.
• 5:40
  And
• 5:40
  it's,
• 5:40
  you
• 5:41
  know,
• 5:41
  it's
• 5:41
  funny
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  roles
• 5:42
  when
• 5:42
  you
• 5:42
  say
• 5:42
  you
• 5:42
  were
• 5:43
  this
• 5:43
  and
• 5:43
  that
• 5:44
  because
• 5:44
  so
• 5:45
  many
• 5:45
  times
• 5:45
  people
• 5:45
  have
• 5:45
  said
• 5:46
  to
• 5:46
  me,
• 5:46
  well,
• 5:46
  that
• 5:46
  doesn't
• 5:46
  really
• 5:47
  fit
• 5:47
  into
• 5:47
  me
• 5:47
  at
• 5:48
  all
• 5:48
  times
• 5:48
  of
• 5:48
  my
• 5:48
  life.
• 5:49
  And
• 5:49
  I'm
• 5:49
  like,
• 5:49
  well,
• 5:49
  it
• 5:50
  can
• 5:50
  definitely
• 5:50
  change.
• 5:51
  You
• 5:51
  can,
• 5:52
  you
• 5:53
  know,
• 5:53
  if
• 5:53
  you
• 5:53
  all
• 5:53
  of
• 5:53
  a
• 5:53
  sudden
• 5:54
  have
• 5:54
  a
• 5:54
  brother
• 5:54
  who's
• 5:55
  acting
• 5:55
  like
• 5:55
  the
• 5:55
  hero
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  then
• 5:56
  all
• 5:56
  of
• 5:56
  a
• 5:56
  sudden
• 5:57
  he
• 5:57
  starts
• 5:58
  acting
• 5:58
  out
• 5:58
  and
• 5:59
  being
• 5:59
  the
• 6:00
  one
• 6:00
  that
• 6:00
  takes
• 6:00
  the
• 6:00
  attention
• 6:01
  off
• 6:01
  the
• 6:01
  rest
• 6:01
  of
• 6:01
  the
• 6:02
  family
• 6:02
  by
• 6:02
  getting
• 6:02
  in
• 6:03
  trouble,
• 6:03
  going
• 6:03
  to
• 6:04
  jail,
• 6:04
  and
• 6:04
  all
• 6:04
  of
• 6:04
  a
• 6:04
  sudden
• 6:04
  now
• 6:05
  you
• 6:05
  step
• 6:05
  in
• 6:05
  and
• 6:05
  you're
• 6:06
  the
• 6:06
  caretaker
• 6:06
  and
• 6:07
  you're
• 6:07
  the
• 6:07
  parentified
• 6:08
  one.
• 6:08
  And
• 6:08
  me,
• 6:08
  your
• 6:09
  roles
• 6:09
  change
• 6:09
  constantly
• 6:10
  throughout
• 6:11
  your
• 6:11
  life.
• 6:12
  They
• 6:12
  absolutely
• 6:13
  can
• 6:13
  do.
• 6:13
  My
• 6:14
  sister,
• 6:14
  I
• 6:14
  think
• 6:14
  she
• 6:15
  flirted
• 6:15
  with
• 6:15
  the
• 6:16
  scapegoat
• 6:16
  roll
• 6:17
  my,
• 6:17
  my
• 6:17
  younger
• 6:18
  sister.
• 6:18
  But
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  think
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  was
• 6:20
  the,
• 6:20
  the
• 6:20
  long
• 6:21
  term
• 6:21
  stand
• 6:21
  in
• 6:22
  for
• 6:22
  that.
• 6:23
  Yeah,
• 6:24
  there's
• 6:24
  always
• 6:24
  one,
• 6:25
  right?
• 6:25
  Are
• 6:25
  we,
• 6:26
  you
• 6:26
  know,
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  was
• 6:27
  the
• 6:27
  middle
• 6:28
  child.
• 6:28
  So
• 6:28
  the
• 6:29
  middle
• 6:29
  child
• 6:29
  often
• 6:29
  gets
• 6:30
  ignored
• 6:30
  anyway
• 6:30
  because
• 6:31
  the
• 6:31
  parents
• 6:32
  have
• 6:32
  this.
• 6:32
  And
• 6:32
  that's
• 6:32
  what
• 6:32
  I
• 6:33
  thought
• 6:33
  it
• 6:33
  was.
• 6:33
  Because
• 6:33
  all
• 6:34
  my
• 6:34
  life
• 6:34
  I've
• 6:34
  been
• 6:34
  like,
• 6:35
  why
• 6:35
  am
• 6:35
  I
• 6:35
  like
• 6:36
  this?
• 6:36
  Why
• 6:36
  do
• 6:36
  I
• 6:36
  have
• 6:37
  all
• 6:37
  these
• 6:37
  really
• 6:37
  deeply
• 6:38
  ingrained,
• 6:39
  negative,
• 6:39
  toxic,
• 6:40
  negative
• 6:41
  belief
• 6:41
  systems?
• 6:42
  And
• 6:42
  I
• 6:43
  thought
• 6:43
  it
• 6:43
  was
• 6:43
  emotional
• 6:44
  neglect
• 6:44
  first
• 6:45
  of
• 6:45
  all,
• 6:46
  but
• 6:46
  because
• 6:46
  the
• 6:47
  middle
• 6:47
  child
• 6:47
  and
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  know,
• 6:48
  the
• 6:48
  parents
• 6:48
  trying
• 6:48
  to,
• 6:49
  kind
• 6:49
  of
• 6:49
  trying
• 6:49
  to
• 6:50
  look
• 6:50
  after
• 6:50
  someone
• 6:50
  who's
• 6:51
  up
• 6:51
  climbing,
• 6:52
  you
• 6:52
  know,
• 6:52
  doing
• 6:53
  the
• 6:54
  older
• 6:54
  daughter
• 6:54
  and
• 6:55
  the
• 6:55
  younger
• 6:55
  one,
• 6:56
  who
• 6:56
  are
• 6:56
  they
• 6:56
  both.
• 6:57
  And
• 6:57
  then
• 6:57
  the
• 6:57
  middle
• 6:58
  one
• 6:58
  kind
• 6:58
  of
• 6:58
  gets
• 6:58
  ignored.
• 6:59
  But
• 6:59
  in
• 6:59
  my
• 7:00
  case,
• 7:00
  it
• 7:00
  was
• 7:00
  actually
• 7:00
  even
• 7:01
  more
• 7:01
  than
• 7:01
  that.
• 7:02
  Oh,
• 7:03
  okay,
• 7:04
  so
• 7:04
  tell
• 7:05
  me,
• 7:05
  so
• 7:06
  you're
• 7:06
  talking
• 7:07
  at
• 7:07
  what
• 7:07
  age?
• 7:07
  I
• 7:07
  guess
• 7:08
  you're
• 7:08
  using
• 7:08
  a
• 7:08
  lot
• 7:08
  of
• 7:08
  words
• 7:09
  that
• 7:09
  clearly
• 7:09
  you've
• 7:10
  been
• 7:10
  in
• 7:10
  help,
• 7:11
  you're
• 7:11
  getting
• 7:11
  help,
• 7:12
  you're
• 7:12
  healing,
• 7:12
  you're
• 7:12
  going
• 7:13
  through
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  process.
• 7:14
  At
• 7:14
  what
• 7:14
  age
• 7:15
  did
• 7:15
  you
• 7:15
  realize
• 7:16
  all
• 7:16
  of
• 7:16
  this
• 7:16
  was
• 7:17
  going
• 7:17
  on?
• 7:17
  Was
• 7:17
  there
• 7:18
  like
• 7:18
  an
• 7:18
  aha
• 7:18
  moment?
• 7:20
  Well,
• 7:20
  I
• 7:20
  mean,
• 7:20
  it
• 7:21
  was
• 7:21
  actually,
• 7:21
  was
• 7:22
  actually
• 7:22
  quite
• 7:22
  recently.
• 7:23
  Was
• 7:23
  it
• 7:23
  all.
• 7:23
  Because
• 7:23
  all
• 7:24
  my
• 7:24
  life
• 7:24
  I've
• 7:25
  kind
• 7:25
  of,
• 7:26
  I've
• 7:26
  recognized
• 7:27
  that
• 7:27
  I
• 7:27
  internalized
• 7:28
  these
• 7:28
  things.
• 7:28
  And
• 7:29
  I
• 7:29
  was
• 7:29
  asking,
• 7:30
  why
• 7:30
  do
• 7:30
  I
• 7:30
  have
• 7:30
  all
• 7:30
  these
• 7:31
  belief
• 7:31
  systems,
• 7:31
  like
• 7:32
  someone
• 7:32
  who's
• 7:32
  been
• 7:32
  sexually
• 7:33
  abused
• 7:33
  or
• 7:33
  something?
• 7:34
  And
• 7:34
  I
• 7:34
  couldn't
• 7:35
  figure
• 7:35
  out
• 7:35
  what
• 7:36
  was
• 7:36
  wrong
• 7:36
  with
• 7:36
  me
• 7:37
  until,
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  know,
• 7:38
  fairly
• 7:39
  recently
• 7:39
  when
• 7:40
  kind
• 7:40
  of
• 7:41
  I
• 7:41
  encountered
• 7:41
  someone
• 7:42
  who
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  recognized
• 7:43
  was
• 7:44
  likely
• 7:44
  covert
• 7:45
  narcissist.
• 7:45
  And
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  recognized
• 7:46
  she
• 7:46
  was
• 7:46
  an
• 7:46
  echo
• 7:47
  for
• 7:47
  my
• 7:47
  mother.
• 7:48
  And
• 7:48
  then
• 7:48
  I
• 7:48
  also
• 7:49
  had
• 7:49
  a
• 7:49
  dream
• 7:49
  which
• 7:50
  kind
• 7:50
  of
• 7:50
  brought
• 7:50
  it
• 7:51
  to
• 7:51
  my
• 7:51
  attention.
• 7:51
  So
• 7:52
  this
• 7:53
  is
• 7:53
  quite
• 7:53
  new,
• 7:54
  like
• 7:54
  the
• 7:55
  label,
• 7:55
  the
• 7:55
  COVID
• 7:56
  narcissist
• 7:56
  role,
• 7:58
  which
• 7:58
  kind
• 7:58
  of
• 7:58
  puts
• 7:59
  it
• 7:59
  on
• 7:59
  a
• 7:59
  new
• 7:59
  level
• 8:00
  of
• 8:00
  gravity
• 8:01
  and
• 8:01
  also
• 8:02
  definitely
• 8:03
  affected
• 8:03
  me
• 8:03
  in
• 8:03
  a
• 8:04
  deeper
• 8:04
  way
• 8:04
  than
• 8:04
  just
• 8:05
  saying,
• 8:05
  oh,
• 8:06
  she's
• 8:06
  a
• 8:06
  little
• 8:06
  bit
• 8:06
  manipulative
• 8:07
  or,
• 8:07
  you
• 8:08
  know,
• 8:08
  it's,
• 8:08
  it's,
• 8:09
  it's
• 8:09
  another
• 8:10
  level
• 8:10
  of
• 8:10
  something
• 8:10
  to
• 8:11
  cope
• 8:11
  with.
• 8:11
  But
• 8:11
  I
• 8:11
  think
• 8:12
  that's
• 8:12
  an
• 8:12
  important
• 8:13
  stage
• 8:13
  in
• 8:14
  recovering
• 8:14
  from
• 8:14
  it,
• 8:14
  recognizing
• 8:15
  that
• 8:15
  the
• 8:15
  damage
• 8:16
  was
• 8:16
  done.
• 8:17
  And
• 8:17
  what
• 8:17
  exactly
• 8:18
  happened?
• 8:19
  Oh
• 8:19
  yeah,
• 8:19
  And
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  remember,
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  mean,
• 8:21
  I
• 8:21
  was,
• 8:21
  I
• 8:21
  was
• 8:21
  going
• 8:22
  to
• 8:22
  therapy
• 8:22
  and
• 8:22
  it
• 8:22
  was
• 8:22
  a
• 8:23
  while
• 8:23
  and
• 8:23
  finally
• 8:23
  one
• 8:24
  day
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  was
• 8:24
  like,
• 8:25
  why
• 8:25
  did
• 8:26
  nobody
• 8:26
  tell
• 8:26
  me
• 8:27
  my
• 8:27
  mother
• 8:27
  was
• 8:27
  a
• 8:27
  narcissist?
• 8:28
  Like,
• 8:28
  why
• 8:28
  didn't,
• 8:28
  why
• 8:29
  have
• 8:29
  you
• 8:29
  never.
• 8:29
  I
• 8:30
  finally
• 8:30
  was
• 8:30
  like,
• 8:30
  why
• 8:30
  have
• 8:30
  you
• 8:31
  never
• 8:31
  used
• 8:31
  those
• 8:31
  words?
• 8:32
  Because
• 8:32
  somebody
• 8:32
  else
• 8:33
  was
• 8:33
  like,
• 8:33
  my
• 8:33
  gosh,
• 8:33
  your
• 8:33
  mom
• 8:34
  was
• 8:34
  completely
• 8:35
  narcissistic
• 8:36
  and
• 8:36
  started
• 8:37
  giving,
• 8:37
  like,
• 8:37
  gave
• 8:38
  me
• 8:38
  books
• 8:38
  and
• 8:38
  things
• 8:38
  to
• 8:39
  read.
• 8:39
  And
• 8:39
  I
• 8:39
  was
• 8:39
  like,
• 8:39
  oh
• 8:39
  my
• 8:40
  God.
• 8:40
  Like,
• 8:40
  when
• 8:40
  it
• 8:40
  finally
• 8:41
  made
• 8:41
  sense,
• 8:41
  the
• 8:42
  level
• 8:42
  of
• 8:42
  manipulation,
• 8:44
  like
• 8:45
  you
• 8:45
  said,
• 8:45
  it
• 8:45
  took
• 8:45
  it
• 8:45
  to
• 8:46
  a
• 8:46
  whole
• 8:46
  nother
• 8:46
  level.
• 8:47
  Yeah.
• 8:48
  And
• 8:48
  the
• 8:48
  thing
• 8:49
  is
• 8:49
  like,
• 8:49
  my
• 8:49
  mother
• 8:50
  is
• 8:50
  kind
• 8:50
  of
• 8:50
  COVID
• 8:51
  narcissist.
• 8:51
  So
• 8:52
  it's
• 8:52
  much,
• 8:53
  I
• 8:53
  mean,
• 8:53
  with
• 8:53
  people
• 8:54
  like
• 8:54
  Donald
• 8:54
  Trump
• 8:54
  and
• 8:55
  et
• 8:55
  al,
• 8:55
  you
• 8:56
  know,
• 8:56
  it's
• 8:56
  very
• 8:56
  obvious.
• 8:57
  But
• 8:57
  with
• 8:58
  COVID
• 8:58
  narcissist,
• 8:59
  it's
• 8:59
  much
• 8:59
  more
• 9:00
  subtle
• 9:00
  and
• 9:01
  you
• 9:01
  know,
• 9:01
  other
• 9:01
  people
• 9:02
  won't,
• 9:02
  won't
• 9:02
  even
• 9:03
  see
• 9:03
  it.
• 9:04
  Yeah.
• 9:04
  So
• 9:05
  I
• 9:05
  think
• 9:05
  that's,
• 9:05
  that,
• 9:05
  that
• 9:06
  adds
• 9:06
  another
• 9:06
  level
• 9:06
  because
• 9:07
  you
• 9:07
  kind
• 9:07
  of
• 9:07
  gaslight
• 9:08
  yourself
• 9:08
  and
• 9:09
  say,
• 9:09
  oh,
• 9:09
  what
• 9:10
  was
• 9:10
  wrong?
• 9:10
  Something
• 9:10
  was
• 9:10
  wrong
• 9:11
  with
• 9:11
  me
• 9:11
  obviously,
• 9:12
  because
• 9:12
  my
• 9:12
  family
• 9:12
  was
• 9:13
  normal.
• 9:14
  Yeah.
• 9:15
  And
• 9:15
  you
• 9:16
  talk
• 9:16
  about
• 9:16
  gaslighting
• 9:17
  and
• 9:17
  that's
• 9:17
  what
• 9:17
  was
• 9:17
  actually
• 9:17
  going
• 9:18
  through
• 9:18
  my
• 9:18
  head
• 9:18
  when
• 9:18
  you
• 9:18
  said
• 9:18
  that
• 9:19
  because
• 9:19
  I
• 9:20
  was
• 9:20
  like,
• 9:20
  it's
• 9:20
  so
• 9:21
  crazy
• 9:21
  when
• 9:21
  you
• 9:22
  have
• 9:22
  those
• 9:22
  narcissists
• 9:23
  and
• 9:23
  people
• 9:24
  out
• 9:24
  there
• 9:24
  can
• 9:24
  probably
• 9:24
  relate
• 9:25
  to
• 9:25
  this.
• 9:25
  It's.
• 9:26
  And
• 9:26
  it
• 9:26
  leads
• 9:27
  into
• 9:27
  that
• 9:27
  people
• 9:28
  pleasing
• 9:28
  and
• 9:28
  that
• 9:29
  lack
• 9:29
  of
• 9:29
  identity
• 9:30
  and
• 9:30
  everything
• 9:30
  else.
• 9:30
  Because
• 9:31
  it's
• 9:31
  literally
• 9:31
  like
• 9:31
  you
• 9:32
  can
• 9:32
  know
• 9:32
  a
• 9:33
  hundred
• 9:33
  percent
• 9:33
  you're
• 9:33
  right
• 9:34
  about
• 9:34
  something.
• 9:35
  And
• 9:35
  by
• 9:35
  the,
• 9:35
  of
• 9:35
  the
• 9:36
  conversation,
• 9:36
  you're
• 9:36
  apologizing
• 9:37
  for
• 9:37
  it.
• 9:38
  You're.
• 9:38
  And
• 9:39
  it's
• 9:40
  like,
• 9:40
  how
• 9:40
  does
• 9:40
  that
• 9:41
  even
• 9:41
  happen?
• 9:41
  Like.
• 9:44
  Yeah,
• 9:44
  I
• 9:45
  think
• 9:45
  this
• 9:45
  is
• 9:45
  the
• 9:45
  internalized
• 9:46
  shame
• 9:47
  that
• 9:47
  we
• 9:47
  take
• 9:48
  on,
• 9:48
  especially
• 9:48
  as
• 9:48
  the
• 9:49
  scapegoat.
• 9:50
  We,
• 9:50
  we
• 9:50
  kind
• 9:50
  of
• 9:50
  internalize
• 9:51
  all
• 9:51
  that
• 9:51
  shame.
• 9:52
  And
• 9:52
  it
• 9:52
  makes
• 9:53
  total
• 9:53
  sense.
• 9:53
  I
• 9:53
  mean,
• 9:53
  I
• 9:54
  was
• 9:54
  been
• 9:54
  reading
• 9:54
  about
• 9:55
  the
• 9:55
  scapegoat
• 9:55
  and
• 9:56
  scapegoats
• 9:57
  internalize
• 9:57
  these
• 9:57
  roles.
• 9:58
  I'm
• 9:58
  ugly,
• 9:59
  I'm
• 9:59
  defective.
• 10:00
  There's
• 10:00
  something
• 10:00
  wrong
• 10:01
  with
• 10:01
  me
• 10:01
  in
• 10:01
  order
• 10:02
  to
• 10:02
  cope.
• 10:02
  And
• 10:02
  that's
• 10:03
  exactly,
• 10:03
  exactly
• 10:03
  what
• 10:03
  I
• 10:03
  did.
• 10:04
  You
• 10:04
  know,
• 10:05
  I,
• 10:05
  I
• 10:05
  have,
• 10:05
  I
• 10:06
  check
• 10:06
  all
• 10:06
  the
• 10:06
  boxes
• 10:07
  for
• 10:07
  the
• 10:07
  scapegoat.
• 10:09
  So
• 10:09
  it's
• 10:09
  really,
• 10:10
  it's
• 10:10
  really
• 10:10
  interesting
• 10:11
  to
• 10:11
  see
• 10:11
  that
• 10:12
  that
• 10:12
  was
• 10:12
  a
• 10:13
  kind
• 10:13
  of
• 10:13
  way
• 10:13
  of
• 10:14
  coping
• 10:14
  because
• 10:14
  the,
• 10:15
  we
• 10:15
  have
• 10:15
  to
• 10:15
  see
• 10:16
  our
• 10:16
  parents
• 10:16
  as
• 10:16
  kind
• 10:17
  of
• 10:17
  there
• 10:17
  they
• 10:17
  can
• 10:17
  do
• 10:18
  no
• 10:18
  wrong.
• 10:18
  So
• 10:18
  the
• 10:19
  problem
• 10:19
  must
• 10:19
  be
• 10:19
  me,
• 10:20
  right?
• 10:21
  Yep.
• 10:22
  And
• 10:22
  even
• 10:22
  when
• 10:22
  you
• 10:22
  go
• 10:23
  to
• 10:23
  therapists,
• 10:23
  they
• 10:23
  don't
• 10:24
  see
• 10:24
  it.
• 10:24
  A
• 10:24
  lot
• 10:24
  of
• 10:24
  the
• 10:25
  Time
• 10:25
  therapists
• 10:25
  won't.
• 10:26
  Won't
• 10:26
  see
• 10:26
  the
• 10:26
  pattern.
• 10:27
  It's
• 10:27
  invisible
• 10:28
  to
• 10:28
  people
• 10:28
  who
• 10:29
  don't
• 10:30
  know
• 10:30
  about
• 10:30
  these
• 10:30
  things.
• 10:30
  And
• 10:31
  especially
• 10:31
  when
• 10:32
  it's.
• 10:32
  When
• 10:32
  it's
• 10:32
  happening
• 10:33
  in
• 10:33
  a
• 10:33
  subtle
• 10:34
  form,
• 10:34
  like
• 10:34
  in
• 10:35
  covert
• 10:35
  forms.
• 10:36
  Right.
• 10:36
  And
• 10:37
  not
• 10:37
  only
• 10:37
  that,
• 10:37
  but
• 10:38
  as
• 10:38
  a
• 10:38
  therapist,
• 10:38
  legally,
• 10:39
  she's
• 10:39
  like,
• 10:39
  I
• 10:39
  never
• 10:40
  met
• 10:40
  your
• 10:40
  mother.
• 10:40
  I
• 10:40
  can't
• 10:41
  diagnose
• 10:41
  your
• 10:41
  mother.
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  can't
• 10:42
  say
• 10:43
  that,
• 10:43
  you
• 10:43
  know,
• 10:43
  But
• 10:44
  I'm
• 10:44
  like,
• 10:44
  well,
• 10:44
  you
• 10:44
  could
• 10:44
  have
• 10:45
  clued
• 10:45
  me
• 10:45
  in.
• 10:45
  Like,
• 10:46
  he
• 10:46
  could
• 10:46
  have
• 10:46
  been
• 10:46
  like,
• 10:46
  hey,
• 10:47
  you
• 10:47
  ought
• 10:47
  to
• 10:47
  go
• 10:47
  read
• 10:47
  some
• 10:47
  books
• 10:48
  on
• 10:48
  narcissistic
• 10:49
  parents.
• 10:49
  Or,
• 10:49
  you
• 10:50
  know
• 10:50
  what
• 10:50
  I
• 10:50
  mean?
• 10:50
  Like,
• 10:50
  you
• 10:50
  could.
• 10:51
  Because
• 10:53
  never.
• 10:54
  And
• 10:55
  my
• 10:55
  mother.
• 10:55
  And
• 10:56
  it
• 10:56
  was
• 10:56
  funny
• 10:56
  because
• 10:56
  my
• 10:56
  mother
• 10:57
  was
• 10:57
  a
• 10:57
  child
• 10:57
  psychiatrist.
• 10:59
  So
• 11:00
  I
• 11:01
  said.
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  said
• 11:02
  I
• 11:02
  was
• 11:02
  literally
• 11:02
  manipulated
• 11:03
  by
• 11:03
  the
• 11:03
  best.
• 11:06
  Oh,
• 11:06
  my
• 11:06
  God.
• 11:06
  Wow.
• 11:07
  I'm
• 11:08
  like,
• 11:08
  she
• 11:08
  had
• 11:08
  the
• 11:08
  power.
• 11:09
  She
• 11:09
  knew
• 11:09
  what
• 11:09
  was
• 11:10
  going
• 11:10
  on
• 11:10
  with
• 11:10
  our
• 11:10
  brains.
• 11:11
  Like,
• 11:11
  how
• 11:11
  you
• 11:12
  do
• 11:12
  that
• 11:12
  to
• 11:12
  a
• 11:12
  child,
• 11:12
  I
• 11:13
  have
• 11:13
  no
• 11:13
  idea.
• 11:13
  But.
• 11:15
  But
• 11:15
  yeah.
• 11:15
  So
• 11:15
  what
• 11:16
  did
• 11:16
  you
• 11:16
  talk
• 11:16
  about
• 11:17
  what
• 11:17
  you
• 11:17
  did
• 11:17
  and
• 11:18
  how
• 11:18
  you
• 11:18
  kind
• 11:18
  of
• 11:18
  got
• 11:18
  started?
• 11:19
  Like,
• 11:19
  did
• 11:20
  you
• 11:20
  have
• 11:20
  an
• 11:20
  aha
• 11:21
  moment?
• 11:21
  Where
• 11:21
  all
• 11:21
  of
• 11:21
  a
• 11:21
  sudden
• 11:22
  you
• 11:22
  were
• 11:22
  like,
• 11:22
  wow.
• 11:22
  I'm
• 11:23
  just
• 11:23
  like,
• 11:23
  what
• 11:23
  was
• 11:23
  your
• 11:24
  breaking
• 11:24
  point?
• 11:24
  Because
• 11:24
  I
• 11:25
  know,
• 11:25
  like,
• 11:25
  with
• 11:25
  me,
• 11:25
  I
• 11:25
  was
• 11:25
  like,
• 11:26
  it
• 11:27
  was
• 11:27
  with
• 11:27
  my
• 11:27
  first
• 11:27
  husband.
• 11:28
  And
• 11:28
  people
• 11:28
  would
• 11:28
  say,
• 11:28
  you
• 11:29
  know,
• 11:29
  it's
• 11:29
  not
• 11:29
  right
• 11:30
  that
• 11:30
  he
• 11:30
  talked
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  you
• 11:31
  that
• 11:31
  way.
• 11:31
  People
• 11:31
  shouldn't
• 11:32
  talk
• 11:32
  to
• 11:32
  you
• 11:32
  that
• 11:32
  way.
• 11:32
  And
• 11:33
  you're
• 11:33
  allowed
• 11:33
  to
• 11:33
  stick
• 11:34
  up
• 11:34
  for
• 11:34
  yourself,
• 11:34
  and
• 11:35
  you're
• 11:35
  allowed
• 11:35
  to
• 11:35
  have
• 11:35
  your
• 11:36
  own
• 11:36
  ideas
• 11:36
  and
• 11:37
  thoughts
• 11:37
  and
• 11:37
  values.
• 11:38
  And
• 11:38
  that
• 11:39
  was
• 11:39
  really
• 11:39
  my
• 11:39
  wake
• 11:40
  up
• 11:40
  call,
• 11:40
  was
• 11:40
  when
• 11:41
  I
• 11:41
  realized
• 11:41
  I
• 11:42
  was
• 11:42
  more
• 11:42
  of,
• 11:42
  like,
• 11:42
  just
• 11:43
  going
• 11:43
  through
• 11:44
  the
• 11:44
  motions
• 11:44
  of
• 11:45
  life.
• 11:46
  So
• 11:47
  you
• 11:47
  were
• 11:47
  kind
• 11:47
  of
• 11:47
  stuck
• 11:47
  in
• 11:48
  fawning
• 11:48
  mode
• 11:48
  and
• 11:49
  just
• 11:49
  letting
• 11:49
  people
• 11:50
  and.
• 11:52
  Well,
• 11:52
  among
• 11:52
  other
• 11:52
  things,
• 11:53
  you
• 11:53
  know,
• 11:53
  I
• 11:53
  had
• 11:53
  a
• 11:54
  lot
• 11:54
  when.
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  mean,
• 11:55
  I've
• 11:55
  been
• 11:55
  working
• 11:55
  on
• 11:56
  this
• 11:56
  whole
• 11:56
  thing
• 11:56
  for
• 11:56
  30
• 11:57
  years.
• 11:57
  So
• 11:58
  I,
• 11:58
  you
• 11:59
  know,
• 11:59
  there
• 11:59
  was
• 11:59
  a
• 11:59
  lot
• 12:00
  of
• 12:00
  stuff
• 12:00
  going
• 12:00
  on,
• 12:00
  but
• 12:01
  that
• 12:01
  was
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  biggest
• 12:01
  one,
• 12:02
  is
• 12:02
  that
• 12:02
  I
• 12:02
  just,
• 12:03
  you
• 12:03
  know,
• 12:03
  complete
• 12:04
  and
• 12:04
  total
• 12:04
  lack
• 12:04
  of
• 12:05
  boundaries.
• 12:05
  Complete
• 12:06
  and
• 12:06
  total
• 12:06
  lack
• 12:06
  of
• 12:07
  self.
• 12:07
  Really?
• 12:08
  Yeah,
• 12:09
  you
• 12:09
  definitely
• 12:10
  lose
• 12:10
  yourself
• 12:11
  in
• 12:11
  that
• 12:11
  role.
• 12:11
  I
• 12:12
  mean,
• 12:12
  the
• 12:12
  aha
• 12:12
  moment
• 12:13
  for
• 12:13
  me
• 12:14
  when
• 12:14
  the
• 12:14
  penny
• 12:14
  really
• 12:15
  dropped,
• 12:15
  I
• 12:15
  had
• 12:15
  a
• 12:16
  dream,
• 12:17
  and
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  dream
• 12:18
  was
• 12:18
  really
• 12:18
  interesting.
• 12:19
  It
• 12:19
  was.
• 12:21
  In
• 12:21
  this
• 12:21
  dream,
• 12:21
  I
• 12:21
  was
• 12:21
  someone
• 12:22
  else.
• 12:22
  I
• 12:22
  was
• 12:23
  like
• 12:23
  a
• 12:23
  boy.
• 12:23
  And
• 12:24
  it
• 12:24
  was
• 12:24
  kind
• 12:24
  of
• 12:24
  like
• 12:24
  this
• 12:25
  white
• 12:25
  lotus
• 12:25
  type
• 12:26
  family.
• 12:26
  So
• 12:26
  kind
• 12:27
  of
• 12:27
  a
• 12:27
  narcissistic
• 12:27
  mother.
• 12:28
  And
• 12:28
  we
• 12:28
  were
• 12:28
  in
• 12:28
  this
• 12:28
  restaurant,
• 12:29
  and
• 12:30
  I
• 12:30
  had
• 12:30
  a
• 12:30
  tray.
• 12:31
  There
• 12:31
  was
• 12:31
  no
• 12:31
  one
• 12:31
  else
• 12:32
  there.
• 12:32
  I
• 12:32
  dropped
• 12:32
  the
• 12:32
  tray.
• 12:33
  And
• 12:33
  the
• 12:33
  mother
• 12:33
  was
• 12:33
  like,
• 12:34
  how
• 12:34
  dare
• 12:35
  you?
• 12:35
  What's
• 12:35
  everyone
• 12:35
  gonna
• 12:36
  think?
• 12:36
  How
• 12:37
  can
• 12:37
  you
• 12:37
  do
• 12:37
  this?
• 12:37
  And
• 12:37
  then
• 12:38
  I
• 12:38
  woke
• 12:38
  up
• 12:38
  and
• 12:39
  I
• 12:39
  Didn't
• 12:39
  know
• 12:39
  who
• 12:39
  I
• 12:40
  was.
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  didn't
• 12:40
  know
• 12:41
  where
• 12:41
  I
• 12:41
  was.
• 12:42
  It
• 12:42
  was
• 12:42
  complete
• 12:42
  disorientation.
• 12:44
  And
• 12:44
  I've
• 12:44
  never
• 12:45
  ever
• 12:45
  had
• 12:45
  that
• 12:45
  before.
• 12:46
  Were
• 12:46
  in
• 12:46
  a
• 12:46
  dream
• 12:46
  that
• 12:47
  I
• 12:47
  can
• 12:47
  recall.
• 12:48
  And
• 12:49
  that
• 12:49
  from
• 12:49
  that
• 12:50
  point
• 12:50
  I
• 12:50
  just.
• 12:50
  I
• 12:51
  realized
• 12:51
  that
• 12:51
  this
• 12:52
  is
• 12:53
  like
• 12:53
  a
• 12:53
  metaphor
• 12:54
  of
• 12:55
  my
• 12:55
  subconscious.
• 12:56
  And
• 12:56
  there
• 12:56
  were
• 12:56
  other
• 12:56
  dreams
• 12:57
  as
• 12:57
  well.
• 12:57
  Obviously
• 12:57
  this
• 12:57
  wasn't
• 12:58
  the
• 12:58
  first
• 12:58
  one,
• 12:59
  but
• 12:59
  that
• 13:00
  was
• 13:00
  really
• 13:00
  where
• 13:00
  the
• 13:00
  penny
• 13:01
  dropped.
• 13:01
  And
• 13:01
  I
• 13:02
  was
• 13:02
  like,
• 13:02
  oh,
• 13:02
  my
• 13:03
  God.
• 13:03
  This
• 13:03
  is
• 13:03
  like
• 13:04
  waking
• 13:04
  up
• 13:04
  within
• 13:05
  narcissistic.
• 13:05
  Narcissistic
• 13:06
  system
• 13:07
  not
• 13:07
  knowing
• 13:07
  who
• 13:07
  you
• 13:07
  are
• 13:08
  because
• 13:09
  you've
• 13:09
  been
• 13:09
  gaslit
• 13:10
  and
• 13:10
  controlled
• 13:11
  all
• 13:11
  your
• 13:11
  life.
• 13:12
  Yeah.
• 13:12
  And
• 13:13
  that
• 13:13
  was
• 13:13
  what
• 13:14
  my
• 13:14
  subconscious
• 13:14
  was
• 13:15
  telling
• 13:15
  me.
• 13:16
  So
• 13:16
  it
• 13:17
  was.
• 13:17
  It
• 13:17
  was
• 13:17
  pretty
• 13:17
  dramatic,
• 13:18
  you
• 13:18
  know,
• 13:18
  and
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  wake
• 13:19
  up
• 13:19
  from
• 13:20
  a
• 13:20
  dream
• 13:20
  and
• 13:21
  not
• 13:21
  to
• 13:21
  know
• 13:21
  who
• 13:21
  you
• 13:22
  are,
• 13:22
  where
• 13:22
  you
• 13:22
  are,
• 13:23
  is.
• 13:24
  Is
• 13:24
  something
• 13:24
  else.
• 13:25
  And
• 13:25
  it
• 13:25
  probably
• 13:25
  felt
• 13:26
  so
• 13:26
  real.
• 13:26
  So
• 13:27
  it
• 13:27
  probably
• 13:27
  felt
• 13:27
  so
• 13:28
  familiar.
• 13:28
  It
• 13:29
  probably
• 13:29
  scared
• 13:29
  you.
• 13:30
  Yeah,
• 13:30
  it
• 13:31
  was.
• 13:31
  It
• 13:31
  was
• 13:31
  scary.
• 13:32
  It's
• 13:32
  terrifying
• 13:33
  to
• 13:33
  not
• 13:33
  know
• 13:33
  who
• 13:34
  you
• 13:34
  are.
• 13:34
  Yeah.
• 13:35
  Or
• 13:35
  to
• 13:35
  not
• 13:35
  know
• 13:35
  who
• 13:36
  you
• 13:36
  think
• 13:36
  you
• 13:36
  are.
• 13:37
  Right,
• 13:37
  right.
• 13:38
  And
• 13:38
  yeah.
• 13:39
  I
• 13:39
  was
• 13:39
  just
• 13:39
  talking
• 13:40
  to
• 13:40
  someone
• 13:40
  the
• 13:40
  other
• 13:40
  day
• 13:41
  and
• 13:41
  I.
• 13:42
  We
• 13:42
  got
• 13:42
  into
• 13:42
  that
• 13:43
  conversation
• 13:43
  about
• 13:44
  really,
• 13:44
  at
• 13:44
  some
• 13:44
  point
• 13:45
  you
• 13:45
  don't.
• 13:46
  You
• 13:46
  do
• 13:46
  lose
• 13:47
  who
• 13:47
  you
• 13:47
  are
• 13:47
  because
• 13:48
  you're
• 13:48
  so
• 13:48
  busy
• 13:49
  just
• 13:49
  doing.
• 13:50
  Saying
• 13:50
  and
• 13:50
  being
• 13:50
  what
• 13:51
  everybody
• 13:51
  else
• 13:51
  wants
• 13:52
  you
• 13:52
  to
• 13:52
  be.
• 13:52
  It's
• 13:52
  like
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  make
• 13:53
  the
• 13:53
  peace
• 13:54
  or
• 13:54
  like
• 13:54
  as
• 13:54
  the
• 13:55
  scapegoat,
• 13:55
  you
• 13:55
  know,
• 13:55
  or
• 13:56
  as
• 13:56
  the.
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  was
• 13:56
  always
• 13:57
  more
• 13:57
  of
• 13:57
  like
• 13:57
  the
• 13:57
  hero
• 13:58
  type
• 13:59
  where
• 13:59
  I
• 13:59
  had
• 13:59
  to
• 14:00
  just
• 14:00
  make
• 14:01
  everything
• 14:01
  good.
• 14:01
  Everything.
• 14:02
  As
• 14:02
  long
• 14:02
  as
• 14:02
  everything
• 14:03
  was
• 14:03
  perfect
• 14:03
  in
• 14:04
  the
• 14:04
  house,
• 14:04
  I
• 14:04
  could.
• 14:05
  The
• 14:05
  house
• 14:05
  would
• 14:06
  function
• 14:06
  somewhat
• 14:07
  okay.
• 14:08
  So
• 14:09
  I
• 14:09
  was,
• 14:10
  you
• 14:10
  know,
• 14:10
  always
• 14:10
  the.
• 14:11
  The
• 14:11
  straight
• 14:11
  A
• 14:11
  student,
• 14:12
  the
• 14:12
  being
• 14:12
  the
• 14:13
  best
• 14:13
  at
• 14:13
  everything,
• 14:13
  because
• 14:14
  I
• 14:14
  figured,
• 14:14
  well,
• 14:14
  that
• 14:15
  would
• 14:15
  take
• 14:15
  the
• 14:15
  attention
• 14:16
  off
• 14:16
  everything
• 14:16
  else
• 14:16
  if
• 14:17
  I
• 14:17
  could
• 14:17
  get.
• 14:17
  Get
• 14:17
  a
• 14:18
  little
• 14:18
  bit
• 14:18
  of
• 14:18
  that
• 14:19
  attention
• 14:19
  over
• 14:20
  here.
• 14:20
  And
• 14:21
  of
• 14:21
  course,
• 14:21
  that
• 14:21
  didn't
• 14:22
  work.
• 14:22
  It
• 14:22
  was
• 14:22
  like,
• 14:22
  so
• 14:23
  superficial
• 14:23
  and
• 14:23
  everything
• 14:24
  else.
• 14:24
  But
• 14:25
  you
• 14:25
  do.
• 14:26
  You
• 14:26
  don't.
• 14:26
  You
• 14:27
  forget
• 14:27
  who
• 14:27
  you
• 14:27
  are.
• 14:28
  You
• 14:28
  really.
• 14:28
  Because
• 14:28
  I
• 14:29
  can.
• 14:29
  I
• 14:29
  remember
• 14:29
  a
• 14:30
  therapist
• 14:30
  saying
• 14:30
  to
• 14:30
  me
• 14:31
  one
• 14:31
  time,
• 14:31
  well,
• 14:31
  who
• 14:31
  are
• 14:31
  you?
• 14:32
  And
• 14:32
  I'm
• 14:32
  like,
• 14:32
  it
• 14:32
  depends
• 14:32
  on
• 14:32
  what
• 14:33
  you
• 14:33
  need
• 14:33
  me
• 14:33
  to
• 14:33
  be.
• 14:35
  Wow.
• 14:36
  Wow.
• 14:37
  You
• 14:37
  know,
• 14:38
  you
• 14:38
  turn
• 14:38
  into
• 14:39
  like
• 14:39
  a
• 14:39
  chameleon,
• 14:39
  I
• 14:40
  guess
• 14:40
  is
• 14:40
  the
• 14:40
  best
• 14:40
  way
• 14:40
  to
• 14:40
  put
• 14:41
  it.
• 14:42
  Yeah,
• 14:42
  absolutely.
• 14:43
  You're
• 14:43
  trying
• 14:43
  to
• 14:44
  please
• 14:44
  people
• 14:44
  all
• 14:45
  the
• 14:45
  time.
• 14:46
  I
• 14:46
  think
• 14:47
  with
• 14:47
  the.
• 14:47
  Proving
• 14:48
  was
• 14:48
  what
• 14:48
  I
• 14:48
  had.
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  was
• 14:49
  constantly
• 14:49
  trying
• 14:49
  to
• 14:50
  prove
• 14:50
  that
• 14:50
  I
• 14:50
  was
• 14:50
  good
• 14:51
  enough
• 14:52
  to
• 14:52
  my
• 14:52
  mother,
• 14:52
  to
• 14:53
  my
• 14:53
  family,
• 14:53
  and
• 14:54
  most
• 14:54
  of
• 14:54
  all
• 14:54
  to
• 14:54
  myself
• 14:55
  because
• 14:55
  of
• 14:55
  this
• 14:55
  internal
• 14:56
  belief
• 14:56
  that
• 14:56
  I'd
• 14:56
  internalize
• 14:57
  that
• 14:57
  there
• 14:58
  is
• 14:58
  something
• 14:59
  inherently
• 14:59
  defective
• 15:00
  about
• 15:00
  me.
• 15:00
  And
• 15:00
  obviously
• 15:01
  that's.
• 15:01
  That's
• 15:02
  an
• 15:02
  impossible.
• 15:03
  Because
• 15:03
  if
• 15:03
  you
• 15:03
  believe
• 15:03
  yourself
• 15:04
  to
• 15:04
  be
• 15:04
  defective.
• 15:05
  You
• 15:05
  obviously
• 15:06
  are
• 15:06
  to
• 15:06
  keep
• 15:06
  proving
• 15:07
  that
• 15:07
  by
• 15:07
  everything
• 15:08
  that
• 15:08
  you
• 15:08
  do.
• 15:09
  Right.
• 15:09
  You're
• 15:09
  going
• 15:09
  to
• 15:10
  keep.
• 15:10
  Yeah,
• 15:11
  you're
• 15:11
  going
• 15:11
  to
• 15:11
  keep
• 15:11
  proving
• 15:12
  that
• 15:12
  theory
• 15:12
  to
• 15:12
  yourself
• 15:13
  over
• 15:13
  and
• 15:13
  over
• 15:13
  again
• 15:15
  every
• 15:15
  time.
• 15:15
  Yeah,
• 15:16
  and
• 15:16
  that's
• 15:16
  exactly
• 15:16
  what
• 15:17
  I
• 15:17
  did.
• 15:18
  Nice.
• 15:18
  So
• 15:18
  you
• 15:19
  got
• 15:19
  into
• 15:19
  so
• 15:19
  with
• 15:19
  that.
• 15:20
  I
• 15:20
  mean,
• 15:20
  being
• 15:20
  such
• 15:21
  a,
• 15:21
  I
• 15:21
  mean
• 15:21
  a
• 15:22
  dream
• 15:22
  is
• 15:22
  so,
• 15:23
  is
• 15:23
  so
• 15:23
  deep
• 15:24
  into
• 15:24
  your
• 15:24
  subconscious.
• 15:25
  That's
• 15:26
  what
• 15:26
  triggered
• 15:26
  you
• 15:26
  probably
• 15:27
  to
• 15:27
  go
• 15:27
  into
• 15:27
  the
• 15:28
  subconscious
• 15:28
  work
• 15:28
  and
• 15:29
  working
• 15:29
  with
• 15:30
  the
• 15:30
  reframing
• 15:30
  and
• 15:31
  the,
• 15:31
  the
• 15:31
  subconscious
• 15:32
  work
• 15:32
  that
• 15:32
  you
• 15:32
  do
• 15:33
  now,
• 15:33
  I'm
• 15:33
  assuming.
• 15:34
  Yeah,
• 15:35
  well,
• 15:35
  I
• 15:35
  mean
• 15:35
  I've
• 15:36
  been,
• 15:36
  I've
• 15:36
  been
• 15:36
  doing
• 15:36
  this
• 15:37
  healing
• 15:37
  work
• 15:38
  for
• 15:38
  a
• 15:38
  long
• 15:38
  time
• 15:39
  and
• 15:39
  the
• 15:40
  problem
• 15:40
  that
• 15:40
  I've,
• 15:40
  that
• 15:41
  I
• 15:41
  have
• 15:41
  now
• 15:41
  with
• 15:42
  kind
• 15:42
  of
• 15:42
  healing
• 15:43
  circles
• 15:44
  is
• 15:44
  they
• 15:44
  often,
• 15:45
  and
• 15:45
  you
• 15:45
  know,
• 15:45
  I
• 15:45
  think
• 15:46
  I've
• 15:46
  been
• 15:46
  guilty
• 15:46
  of
• 15:46
  this
• 15:47
  myself.
• 15:47
  They
• 15:48
  often
• 15:48
  have
• 15:48
  a
• 15:48
  very
• 15:48
  superficial
• 15:49
  kind
• 15:49
  of
• 15:50
  lay.
• 15:50
  Lay
• 15:51
  of
• 15:51
  layout
• 15:51
  of
• 15:51
  what's,
• 15:52
  what's
• 15:52
  wrong
• 15:52
  if
• 15:53
  things
• 15:53
  aren't
• 15:53
  working
• 15:53
  for
• 15:54
  you.
• 15:54
  It's
• 15:54
  just
• 15:54
  your
• 15:54
  belief
• 15:55
  systems,
• 15:55
  you
• 15:55
  know,
• 15:56
  it's
• 15:56
  just
• 15:56
  because
• 15:56
  you
• 15:57
  believe
• 15:57
  rich
• 15:57
  people
• 15:57
  are
• 15:58
  bad
• 15:58
  or
• 15:58
  something
• 15:58
  like
• 15:59
  that.
• 15:59
  But
• 15:59
  that,
• 16:00
  that
• 16:00
  totally,
• 16:01
  that's,
• 16:02
  that's
• 16:02
  a
• 16:02
  very
• 16:03
  superficial
• 16:04
  kind
• 16:04
  of
• 16:04
  cast
• 16:04
  on
• 16:05
  the
• 16:05
  whole
• 16:05
  thing
• 16:05
  when
• 16:06
  you're,
• 16:06
  because
• 16:06
  if
• 16:06
  you're,
• 16:07
  if
• 16:07
  you're
• 16:07
  operating
• 16:08
  on
• 16:08
  an,
• 16:08
  on
• 16:08
  an
• 16:09
  operating
• 16:09
  system
• 16:10
  that,
• 16:11
  where
• 16:11
  you're
• 16:11
  playing
• 16:11
  a
• 16:12
  role
• 16:12
  of
• 16:12
  scapegoat
• 16:13
  or
• 16:13
  something
• 16:13
  else
• 16:13
  within
• 16:14
  this,
• 16:14
  this
• 16:15
  toxic
• 16:15
  system
• 16:16
  that
• 16:16
  we're
• 16:16
  living
• 16:16
  in
• 16:17
  you,
• 16:18
  that,
• 16:18
  that
• 16:18
  is,
• 16:19
  that
• 16:19
  is
• 16:19
  fundamental.
• 16:20
  That's
• 16:20
  like
• 16:20
  the
• 16:20
  groundwork
• 16:21
  and
• 16:21
  the
• 16:21
  beliefs
• 16:22
  are
• 16:22
  kind
• 16:23
  of
• 16:23
  additional
• 16:23
  to
• 16:24
  that.
• 16:24
  So
• 16:25
  for
• 16:25
  years
• 16:25
  I've
• 16:25
  been
• 16:25
  doing
• 16:26
  this
• 16:26
  belief
• 16:26
  work
• 16:27
  and
• 16:27
  you
• 16:27
  know,
• 16:27
  changing
• 16:28
  my
• 16:28
  beliefs
• 16:28
  and
• 16:28
  work.
• 16:29
  But,
• 16:29
  but
• 16:29
  really
• 16:29
  I
• 16:30
  was
• 16:30
  just
• 16:30
  moving
• 16:30
  the,
• 16:31
  doing
• 16:31
  feng
• 16:31
  shui,
• 16:32
  the
• 16:32
  furniture
• 16:32
  and
• 16:32
  the
• 16:33
  house
• 16:33
  was
• 16:33
  on
• 16:33
  fire,
• 16:34
  you
• 16:34
  know,
• 16:34
  so
• 16:35
  obviously
• 16:35
  nothing
• 16:36
  was
• 16:36
  going
• 16:36
  to
• 16:36
  work.
• 16:36
  And
• 16:36
  I
• 16:37
  see
• 16:37
  that
• 16:37
  a
• 16:37
  lot
• 16:37
  with
• 16:38
  other
• 16:38
  people.
• 16:38
  You
• 16:39
  know,
• 16:39
  that's
• 16:39
  what
• 16:39
  they're,
• 16:39
  that's
• 16:40
  what
• 16:40
  they're
• 16:40
  doing.
• 16:40
  That's
• 16:40
  what
• 16:40
  I
• 16:41
  did,
• 16:41
  you
• 16:41
  know,
• 16:41
  like,
• 16:42
  so
• 16:42
  I
• 16:42
  can
• 16:42
  see
• 16:42
  it
• 16:42
  very
• 16:43
  clearly
• 16:43
  with
• 16:43
  other
• 16:43
  people
• 16:44
  and
• 16:44
  other
• 16:44
  healers
• 16:45
  and
• 16:45
  other
• 16:45
  coaches.
• 16:46
  They,
• 16:47
  they,
• 16:48
  they
• 16:48
  just
• 16:48
  simplify
• 16:49
  it
• 16:49
  and
• 16:50
  without,
• 16:50
  with,
• 16:51
  they're
• 16:51
  going
• 16:51
  to
• 16:51
  have
• 16:51
  this
• 16:52
  whole
• 16:52
  layer
• 16:52
  of
• 16:52
  people
• 16:54
  that,
• 16:54
  that
• 16:54
  it's
• 16:54
  not
• 16:54
  going
• 16:55
  to
• 16:55
  work
• 16:55
  for.
• 16:55
  And
• 16:56
  it's
• 16:56
  not
• 16:56
  because
• 16:56
  it
• 16:57
  can't
• 16:57
  work
• 16:57
  for
• 16:58
  them.
• 16:58
  It's
• 16:58
  because
• 16:59
  they're
• 16:59
  stuck
• 17:00
  in
• 17:00
  this
• 17:00
  operating
• 17:01
  system
• 17:01
  that
• 17:01
  hasn't
• 17:02
  been
• 17:02
  addressed
• 17:02
  by
• 17:03
  this
• 17:03
  kind
• 17:03
  of
• 17:03
  top
• 17:04
  layer
• 17:04
  work.
• 17:05
  Right.
• 17:06
  And
• 17:06
  you
• 17:06
  know,
• 17:06
  I
• 17:07
  was
• 17:07
  saying
• 17:07
  yesterday
• 17:08
  to
• 17:08
  someone,
• 17:08
  we
• 17:08
  were
• 17:08
  talking
• 17:08
  about
• 17:09
  it
• 17:09
  and
• 17:09
  she
• 17:09
  was
• 17:09
  talking
• 17:09
  about,
• 17:10
  you
• 17:10
  know,
• 17:11
  like
• 17:11
  affirmations
• 17:12
  when
• 17:12
  you
• 17:12
  are
• 17:13
  like
• 17:13
  severely
• 17:14
  depressed
• 17:14
  and
• 17:15
  stuff.
• 17:15
  And
• 17:15
  I'm
• 17:15
  like
• 17:15
  You
• 17:15
  can't
• 17:16
  think
• 17:16
  your
• 17:16
  way
• 17:16
  out
• 17:17
  of
• 17:17
  depression.
• 17:18
  Absolutely
• 17:19
  not.
• 17:19
  You
• 17:19
  know,
• 17:20
  it's
• 17:20
  just
• 17:20
  not
• 17:21
  possible.
• 17:21
  I
• 17:22
  mean,
• 17:22
  and
• 17:22
  it's
• 17:22
  almost
• 17:23
  more
• 17:24
  detrimental
• 17:24
  because
• 17:24
  it
• 17:25
  just,
• 17:25
  you
• 17:25
  know,
• 17:25
  especially
• 17:25
  when
• 17:26
  you're
• 17:26
  in,
• 17:26
  like,
• 17:26
  a
• 17:26
  crisis
• 17:27
  state,
• 17:27
  it.
• 17:28
  It
• 17:28
  makes
• 17:28
  you
• 17:29
  angry,
• 17:29
  and
• 17:29
  then
• 17:30
  it's
• 17:30
  like.
• 17:30
  It's
• 17:30
  a
• 17:31
  snowball
• 17:31
  effect.
• 17:31
  And
• 17:32
  I'm
• 17:32
  like,
• 17:32
  you
• 17:32
  can't
• 17:33
  just,
• 17:34
  you
• 17:34
  know,
• 17:34
  when
• 17:35
  you're
• 17:35
  in
• 17:35
  a
• 17:35
  deep
• 17:35
  depression,
• 17:36
  you
• 17:36
  cannot
• 17:37
  just
• 17:37
  think
• 17:37
  your
• 17:37
  way
• 17:37
  out
• 17:37
  of
• 17:38
  it.
• 17:38
  And
• 17:38
  people
• 17:38
  are
• 17:38
  like,
• 17:38
  just
• 17:38
  be
• 17:39
  happy.
• 17:40
  If,
• 17:41
  obviously,
• 17:41
  if
• 17:41
  we
• 17:41
  could
• 17:41
  just
• 17:42
  be.
• 17:42
  You
• 17:42
  know,
• 17:42
  if
• 17:42
  someone
• 17:42
  could
• 17:43
  just
• 17:43
  be
• 17:43
  happy
• 17:43
  when
• 17:43
  they
• 17:44
  were
• 17:44
  depressed,
• 17:44
  they
• 17:44
  would
• 17:45
  just
• 17:45
  be
• 17:45
  happy.
• 17:46
  My
• 17:46
  mother
• 17:46
  would
• 17:47
  just.
• 17:47
  Would
• 17:47
  just
• 17:47
  tell
• 17:48
  me
• 17:48
  to
• 17:48
  just
• 17:48
  cheer
• 17:49
  up,
• 17:49
  you
• 17:49
  know,
• 17:50
  Just
• 17:50
  cheer
• 17:50
  up.
• 17:52
  Yeah.
• 17:52
  And
• 17:52
  it's.
• 17:52
  It's.
• 17:53
  It's
• 17:53
  just
• 17:54
  so
• 17:54
  dismissive,
• 17:55
  really.
• 17:56
  It's
• 17:56
  so
• 17:56
  dismissive.
• 17:57
  It's
• 17:57
  so
• 17:58
  invalidating
• 17:58
  of
• 17:59
  your
• 17:59
  pain.
• 17:59
  And
• 18:00
  that's
• 18:00
  the
• 18:00
  other
• 18:00
  thing.
• 18:00
  When
• 18:01
  you're
• 18:01
  going
• 18:01
  through
• 18:01
  this
• 18:02
  process
• 18:02
  and
• 18:02
  going
• 18:02
  through
• 18:03
  all
• 18:03
  the
• 18:03
  grief,
• 18:05
  people.
• 18:05
  Other
• 18:06
  people,
• 18:06
  they
• 18:06
  don't
• 18:06
  know
• 18:07
  how
• 18:07
  to
• 18:07
  deal
• 18:07
  with
• 18:07
  that,
• 18:07
  and
• 18:08
  they.
• 18:09
  They
• 18:09
  feel
• 18:10
  uncomfortable,
• 18:10
  and
• 18:11
  they
• 18:11
  project
• 18:11
  that
• 18:11
  discomfort
• 18:12
  on
• 18:12
  you.
• 18:13
  They
• 18:13
  say,
• 18:13
  oh,
• 18:14
  you're
• 18:14
  triggered.
• 18:16
  There's
• 18:16
  something
• 18:16
  wrong
• 18:17
  with
• 18:17
  you.
• 18:17
  You
• 18:17
  need
• 18:17
  to
• 18:18
  deal
• 18:18
  with
• 18:18
  this.
• 18:18
  You
• 18:19
  know,
• 18:19
  but
• 18:19
  you're
• 18:19
  just
• 18:19
  expressing
• 18:20
  your
• 18:20
  feelings,
• 18:21
  and
• 18:21
  this
• 18:21
  makes
• 18:21
  people
• 18:22
  uncomfortable.
• 18:23
  And
• 18:23
  this
• 18:23
  is
• 18:23
  the.
• 18:24
  This
• 18:24
  is
• 18:24
  the
• 18:24
  result
• 18:25
  of
• 18:25
  living
• 18:26
  in
• 18:26
  a
• 18:26
  narcissistic
• 18:27
  world.
• 18:27
  Because
• 18:28
  these
• 18:28
  narcissistic
• 18:29
  systems
• 18:30
  aren't
• 18:30
  just
• 18:30
  within
• 18:30
  our
• 18:31
  family.
• 18:31
  They
• 18:32
  are.
• 18:32
  It's
• 18:32
  like
• 18:32
  fractals.
• 18:33
  It's
• 18:34
  like.
• 18:34
  They
• 18:34
  are.
• 18:34
  There
• 18:35
  are
• 18:35
  templates
• 18:35
  for
• 18:36
  every
• 18:36
  single
• 18:37
  space
• 18:37
  out
• 18:37
  there
• 18:37
  in
• 18:38
  the
• 18:38
  world,
• 18:38
  from
• 18:38
  the.
• 18:39
  From
• 18:39
  the
• 18:39
  corporations
• 18:40
  to
• 18:40
  the
• 18:40
  states
• 18:41
  to
• 18:41
  the
• 18:41
  interstate
• 18:42
  system.
• 18:42
  And
• 18:43
  you
• 18:43
  could
• 18:43
  see
• 18:43
  it
• 18:43
  everywhere.
• 18:44
  And
• 18:44
  how
• 18:44
  these
• 18:45
  countries
• 18:45
  and
• 18:46
  people
• 18:46
  all
• 18:46
  play
• 18:47
  these
• 18:47
  different
• 18:47
  roles.
• 18:48
  And
• 18:48
  like
• 18:48
  we
• 18:48
  talked
• 18:48
  about
• 18:49
  earlier,
• 18:49
  Tommy,
• 18:50
  sometimes
• 18:50
  the
• 18:50
  roles
• 18:51
  change.
• 18:51
  Like
• 18:51
  the.
• 18:52
  The.
• 18:52
  The
• 18:53
  narcissistic
• 18:54
  autocrat
• 18:55
  might
• 18:55
  become
• 18:55
  the
• 18:55
  victim,
• 18:56
  and
• 18:56
  vice
• 18:56
  versa.
• 18:57
  You
• 18:57
  know,
• 18:57
  there's
• 18:58
  moving
• 18:58
  around
• 18:58
  there,
• 18:59
  but
• 19:00
  until
• 19:01
  we
• 19:01
  address
• 19:01
  the
• 19:01
  underlying
• 19:02
  system,
• 19:03
  we're
• 19:03
  just.
• 19:04
  We're
• 19:04
  just.
• 19:04
  We're
• 19:04
  not.
• 19:05
  It's
• 19:05
  going
• 19:05
  to
• 19:05
  keep
• 19:05
  repeating
• 19:06
  itself
• 19:06
  as
• 19:07
  it
• 19:07
  has
• 19:07
  throughout
• 19:08
  all
• 19:08
  human
• 19:08
  history.
• 19:09
  Oh,
• 19:09
  absolutely.
• 19:10
  And
• 19:11
  everything,
• 19:12
  you
• 19:12
  know,
• 19:12
  you.
• 19:12
  I
• 19:13
  always
• 19:13
  say,
• 19:13
  like,
• 19:14
  you
• 19:14
  are
• 19:14
  a
• 19:14
  byproduct
• 19:15
  of
• 19:15
  your
• 19:15
  mom's
• 19:15
  trauma.
• 19:16
  There's
• 19:16
  just.
• 19:17
  You.
• 19:18
  Absolutely.
• 19:18
  Until
• 19:18
  you
• 19:19
  do
• 19:19
  it.
• 19:19
  Like
• 19:19
  you
• 19:19
  were
• 19:19
  saying
• 19:19
  about
• 19:20
  the
• 19:20
  generational
• 19:20
  trauma.
• 19:21
  So
• 19:21
  what
• 19:21
  kind
• 19:22
  of
• 19:22
  work
• 19:22
  did
• 19:22
  you
• 19:23
  dove
• 19:23
  into
• 19:23
  to
• 19:24
  really
• 19:24
  go
• 19:24
  deep?
• 19:25
  What
• 19:25
  did
• 19:25
  you.
• 19:25
  What
• 19:25
  worked
• 19:26
  for
• 19:26
  you?
• 19:28
  Well,
• 19:28
  it's
• 19:28
  really
• 19:28
  about
• 19:29
  feeling
• 19:29
  the
• 19:29
  feelings.
• 19:30
  And
• 19:30
  also,
• 19:30
  I
• 19:31
  think
• 19:31
  it's
• 19:31
  somatic.
• 19:32
  Work
• 19:33
  is
• 19:33
  really
• 19:33
  important,
• 19:34
  like
• 19:34
  releasing
• 19:34
  things
• 19:35
  through
• 19:35
  your
• 19:35
  body,
• 19:36
  because
• 19:36
  there's
• 19:36
  this
• 19:36
  idea
• 19:37
  that
• 19:37
  it's
• 19:37
  Just
• 19:37
  in
• 19:38
  your
• 19:38
  mind.
• 19:38
  And
• 19:39
  I
• 19:39
  think
• 19:39
  that
• 19:39
  that's
• 19:39
  also
• 19:40
  very
• 19:40
  limited.
• 19:41
  It's
• 19:41
  actually
• 19:41
  in
• 19:42
  your
• 19:42
  body.
• 19:42
  Your
• 19:43
  body
• 19:43
  responds.
• 19:44
  You
• 19:44
  know,
• 19:44
  my
• 19:45
  body
• 19:45
  knew
• 19:46
  these
• 19:46
  messages
• 19:46
  from
• 19:47
  my
• 19:47
  mother
• 19:47
  were
• 19:47
  uncomfortable
• 19:48
  before
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  did,
• 19:49
  before
• 19:49
  I
• 19:50
  realized
• 19:50
  what
• 19:50
  was
• 19:50
  going
• 19:51
  on.
• 19:51
  You
• 19:51
  know,
• 19:51
  I
• 19:51
  was
• 19:52
  having,
• 19:52
  I'd
• 19:52
  fall
• 19:53
  asleep
• 19:53
  and
• 19:53
  have
• 19:53
  a
• 19:54
  dream
• 19:54
  about,
• 19:54
  you
• 19:54
  know,
• 19:54
  some
• 19:55
  kind
• 19:55
  of
• 19:55
  toxic
• 19:55
  reaction
• 19:56
  from
• 19:56
  my
• 19:56
  mother
• 19:57
  without
• 19:58
  just,
• 19:58
  I
• 19:58
  felt
• 19:59
  uncomfortable,
• 19:59
  but
• 19:59
  I
• 20:00
  didn't
• 20:00
  know
• 20:00
  why,
• 20:00
  but
• 20:01
  my
• 20:01
  body
• 20:01
  did.
• 20:02
  So
• 20:02
  you've
• 20:02
  got
• 20:02
  to
• 20:03
  work
• 20:03
  with
• 20:03
  the
• 20:03
  body.
• 20:04
  The
• 20:04
  body,
• 20:04
  it's
• 20:05
  like
• 20:05
  an
• 20:05
  animal.
• 20:05
  It's
• 20:06
  stuck
• 20:06
  in
• 20:06
  survival
• 20:06
  mode.
• 20:07
  And
• 20:07
  like
• 20:07
  you
• 20:08
  said,
• 20:08
  you
• 20:08
  can't
• 20:08
  think
• 20:08
  your
• 20:09
  way
• 20:09
  out
• 20:09
  of
• 20:09
  it.
• 20:09
  You've
• 20:09
  got
• 20:09
  to,
• 20:10
  we've
• 20:10
  got
• 20:10
  to
• 20:10
  release
• 20:10
  that
• 20:11
  trauma.
• 20:12
  So
• 20:12
  I
• 20:12
  think
• 20:12
  it's
• 20:13
  about,
• 20:13
  it's,
• 20:13
  it's
• 20:14
  about
• 20:14
  feeling
• 20:14
  it.
• 20:15
  It's
• 20:15
  about
• 20:15
  talking
• 20:16
  to
• 20:16
  people
• 20:16
  who
• 20:17
  understand
• 20:18
  and
• 20:18
  not
• 20:18
  talking
• 20:19
  to
• 20:19
  people
• 20:19
  who
• 20:19
  are
• 20:19
  going
• 20:19
  to
• 20:20
  invalidate
• 20:20
  you
• 20:21
  and
• 20:21
  say
• 20:21
  that
• 20:21
  it
• 20:21
  didn't
• 20:22
  happen
• 20:22
  or
• 20:22
  that
• 20:22
  it
• 20:23
  wasn't
• 20:23
  that
• 20:23
  bad.
• 20:24
  Because,
• 20:24
  you
• 20:25
  know,
• 20:25
  God
• 20:25
  knows
• 20:25
  we,
• 20:25
  we
• 20:26
  gaslight
• 20:26
  ourselves
• 20:27
  enough.
• 20:27
  Right.
• 20:28
  You
• 20:28
  know
• 20:28
  where.
• 20:29
  Yeah,
• 20:29
  find,
• 20:30
  find
• 20:30
  people
• 20:31
  who,
• 20:31
  who
• 20:32
  understand
• 20:32
  and
• 20:33
  talk
• 20:33
  to
• 20:33
  them.
• 20:33
  Create
• 20:33
  a
• 20:34
  community
• 20:34
  and
• 20:35
  work.
• 20:35
  What's
• 20:36
  worked
• 20:36
  for
• 20:36
  me
• 20:36
  is
• 20:37
  really
• 20:37
  understanding,
• 20:39
  understanding
• 20:39
  where
• 20:39
  it
• 20:39
  comes
• 20:40
  from
• 20:40
  and
• 20:41
  kind
• 20:41
  of
• 20:41
  seeing
• 20:42
  the
• 20:42
  systemic
• 20:42
  nature.
• 20:43
  But
• 20:43
  that's
• 20:43
  helped
• 20:44
  me
• 20:44
  a
• 20:44
  bit.
• 20:44
  But
• 20:45
  obviously
• 20:45
  there's
• 20:46
  still
• 20:46
  grief
• 20:46
  and
• 20:46
  I'm
• 20:47
  still,
• 20:47
  I'm
• 20:47
  still
• 20:47
  in
• 20:47
  the
• 20:48
  process,
• 20:48
  and
• 20:48
  I
• 20:48
  expect
• 20:49
  to
• 20:49
  be
• 20:49
  still
• 20:49
  in
• 20:49
  the
• 20:49
  process
• 20:50
  for
• 20:50
  a
• 20:50
  lot,
• 20:50
  for
• 20:50
  a
• 20:51
  long
• 20:51
  time.
• 20:51
  Because
• 20:51
  this
• 20:51
  is
• 20:52
  not
• 20:52
  a
• 20:52
  one
• 20:52
  and
• 20:52
  done,
• 20:53
  no
• 20:53
  type
• 20:54
  thing.
• 20:54
  This
• 20:55
  is,
• 20:55
  it's
• 20:55
  like
• 20:55
  a
• 20:56
  spiral,
• 20:56
  you
• 20:57
  know,
• 20:57
  it's
• 20:59
  not
• 20:59
  linear.
• 21:00
  And
• 21:00
  I've
• 21:01
  had
• 21:01
  people
• 21:01
  say,
• 21:01
  you
• 21:01
  know,
• 21:02
  I,
• 21:02
  I,
• 21:02
  he,
• 21:03
  I
• 21:03
  heal
• 21:03
  my
• 21:04
  clients
• 21:04
  in
• 21:04
  one
• 21:05
  session.
• 21:05
  And
• 21:05
  I'm
• 21:06
  like,
• 21:06
  people
• 21:06
  are
• 21:07
  such
• 21:07
  complicated
• 21:08
  layers
• 21:08
  and
• 21:10
  you're
• 21:10
  just
• 21:10
  going
• 21:10
  to
• 21:11
  unravel
• 21:11
  another
• 21:11
  layer.
• 21:13
  Yeah,
• 21:13
  exactly.
• 21:13
  Yeah.
• 21:14
  You
• 21:14
  can
• 21:14
  heal
• 21:15
  one
• 21:15
  layer
• 21:16
  and
• 21:16
  more
• 21:17
  will
• 21:17
  be
• 21:17
  revealed.
• 21:18
  Yep,
• 21:19
  yep.
• 21:19
  And
• 21:20
  I
• 21:20
  like
• 21:20
  to
• 21:20
  believe
• 21:21
  that
• 21:21
  I
• 21:21
  am
• 21:21
  given
• 21:22
  the
• 21:22
  layers
• 21:23
  of
• 21:23
  unpeeling
• 21:24
  as
• 21:24
  I'm
• 21:24
  able
• 21:24
  to
• 21:25
  handle
• 21:25
  them.
• 21:26
  Because
• 21:26
  if
• 21:26
  all
• 21:26
  of
• 21:27
  your
• 21:27
  layers
• 21:27
  unraveled
• 21:28
  at
• 21:28
  one
• 21:28
  time,
• 21:28
  you
• 21:29
  would
• 21:29
  never
• 21:29
  be
• 21:29
  able
• 21:30
  to
• 21:30
  handle
• 21:30
  that
• 21:31
  mentally.
• 21:32
  Yes.
• 21:32
  Yeah.
• 21:33
  It
• 21:33
  would
• 21:33
  be
• 21:33
  too
• 21:33
  much.
• 21:34
  Yeah,
• 21:35
  too
• 21:35
  much
• 21:35
  emotionally
• 21:36
  and
• 21:36
  energetically
• 21:37
  and
• 21:37
  everything.
• 21:38
  Yeah,
• 21:40
  go
• 21:40
  ahead.
• 21:41
  No,
• 21:41
  go
• 21:41
  ahead.
• 21:43
  Yeah,
• 21:43
  just
• 21:44
  like
• 21:44
  somatic
• 21:45
  work,
• 21:45
  working
• 21:45
  with
• 21:46
  the
• 21:46
  body.
• 21:46
  Talking
• 21:47
  about
• 21:47
  it,
• 21:47
  I
• 21:47
  think
• 21:48
  is
• 21:48
  really
• 21:48
  important.
• 21:49
  So
• 21:49
  all
• 21:49
  of,
• 21:49
  all
• 21:50
  of
• 21:50
  those
• 21:50
  things,
• 21:51
  talking
• 21:52
  about
• 21:52
  it
• 21:52
  is
• 21:53
  so
• 21:53
  crucial
• 21:53
  to
• 21:53
  breaking
• 21:54
  the
• 21:54
  shame.
• 21:55
  Because
• 21:55
  the
• 21:55
  shame
• 21:56
  says,
• 21:56
  don't
• 21:57
  talk
• 21:57
  about
• 21:57
  it.
• 21:57
  Keep
• 21:58
  the
• 21:58
  secret,
• 21:59
  don't
• 21:59
  share.
• 22:00
  So
• 22:01
  when
• 22:01
  you,
• 22:01
  when
• 22:02
  you
• 22:02
  share
• 22:02
  about
• 22:02
  it,
• 22:03
  even
• 22:03
  with
• 22:04
  friends
• 22:04
  or
• 22:04
  publicly,
• 22:05
  if
• 22:05
  you
• 22:05
  feel
• 22:06
  that
• 22:06
  way
• 22:06
  inclined,
• 22:07
  you
• 22:07
  are
• 22:07
  literally
• 22:07
  breaking
• 22:08
  that
• 22:08
  spell.
• 22:09
  Yep.
• 22:10
  And
• 22:10
  you're
• 22:10
  getting
• 22:10
  it
• 22:11
  out
• 22:11
  of
• 22:11
  your.
• 22:11
  Like,
• 22:11
  you
• 22:11
  said
• 22:11
  you're
• 22:12
  getting
• 22:12
  it
• 22:12
  out
• 22:12
  of
• 22:12
  your
• 22:12
  body
• 22:13
  because.
• 22:13
  Yeah.
• 22:15
  I
• 22:15
  mean,
• 22:15
  I
• 22:15
  don't
• 22:16
  know
• 22:16
  what
• 22:16
  your.
• 22:16
  What
• 22:16
  physical
• 22:17
  symptoms
• 22:18
  manifested
• 22:18
  for
• 22:18
  you,
• 22:19
  but,
• 22:19
  like,
• 22:19
  for
• 22:19
  me,
• 22:20
  it
• 22:20
  was
• 22:21
  like
• 22:21
  bleeding
• 22:22
  ulcers
• 22:22
  at
• 22:22
  18,
• 22:23
  like,
• 22:24
  with
• 22:25
  wow,
• 22:26
  no
• 22:26
  reason.
• 22:27
  Like,
• 22:27
  and
• 22:27
  it
• 22:27
  wasn't,
• 22:28
  you
• 22:28
  know,
• 22:28
  what's
• 22:28
  your
• 22:28
  home
• 22:29
  life
• 22:29
  like,
• 22:29
  what's
• 22:30
  going
• 22:30
  on
• 22:30
  in
• 22:30
  your
• 22:30
  world?
• 22:31
  It
• 22:31
  was
• 22:31
  just,
• 22:31
  here's
• 22:32
  Tagamet,
• 22:33
  two
• 22:33
  of
• 22:33
  these,
• 22:33
  and
• 22:34
  if
• 22:34
  it
• 22:34
  gets
• 22:34
  any
• 22:34
  worse,
• 22:35
  we'll
• 22:35
  have
• 22:35
  to
• 22:35
  do
• 22:35
  surgery.
• 22:36
  Like,
• 22:37
  that's
• 22:37
  clearly
• 22:38
  not
• 22:38
  the
• 22:38
  answer,
• 22:40
  you
• 22:41
  know,
• 22:42
  but
• 22:42
  we.
• 22:43
  We
• 22:43
  talk
• 22:43
  about
• 22:44
  dealing
• 22:45
  with
• 22:45
  symptoms,
• 22:45
  not.
• 22:46
  Not
• 22:46
  addressing
• 22:47
  the
• 22:47
  root
• 22:47
  cause.
• 22:47
  Then
• 22:48
  nobody
• 22:48
  wants
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  see
• 22:49
  where
• 22:49
  this
• 22:49
  is
• 22:49
  coming
• 22:49
  from
• 22:50
  because
• 22:50
  it's
• 22:50
  such
• 22:50
  a
• 22:51
  big
• 22:51
  issue.
• 22:52
  Oh,
• 22:52
  yeah.
• 22:52
  People
• 22:53
  terrified.
• 22:54
  Oh,
• 22:55
  yeah,
• 22:55
  definitely.
• 22:56
  I
• 22:56
  mean,
• 22:56
  what
• 22:57
  did
• 22:57
  you
• 22:57
  have
• 22:57
  physical
• 22:58
  symptoms
• 22:58
  as
• 22:58
  well
• 22:58
  as.
• 22:59
  I
• 23:00
  had
• 23:00
  depression,
• 23:01
  like,
• 23:01
  lifelong
• 23:02
  depression,
• 23:03
  and
• 23:04
  my
• 23:04
  family
• 23:04
  never
• 23:05
  noticed.
• 23:06
  And,
• 23:07
  you
• 23:07
  know,
• 23:08
  that
• 23:09
  was
• 23:09
  painful
• 23:09
  in
• 23:09
  itself,
• 23:10
  like,
• 23:10
  and
• 23:10
  I
• 23:10
  was
• 23:10
  in.
• 23:11
  I
• 23:11
  was
• 23:11
  recently,
• 23:11
  like
• 23:12
  a
• 23:12
  couple
• 23:12
  of
• 23:12
  years
• 23:13
  ago,
• 23:13
  I
• 23:13
  was
• 23:13
  at
• 23:13
  home
• 23:13
  with
• 23:13
  my
• 23:14
  mother
• 23:14
  and
• 23:14
  I
• 23:14
  was
• 23:14
  depressed
• 23:15
  and
• 23:16
  it
• 23:16
  was
• 23:17
  quite
• 23:17
  obvious,
• 23:17
  I
• 23:17
  think.
• 23:17
  And
• 23:18
  my
• 23:18
  mother
• 23:18
  came
• 23:18
  up.
• 23:19
  Came
• 23:19
  up
• 23:19
  and
• 23:19
  said,
• 23:19
  oh,
• 23:20
  you're
• 23:20
  like
• 23:20
  a
• 23:20
  lady
• 23:20
  of
• 23:21
  leisure,
• 23:21
  you
• 23:21
  know,
• 23:21
  at
• 23:22
  the
• 23:22
  moment.
• 23:22
  So
• 23:23
  quite
• 23:23
  like
• 23:23
  dismissive
• 23:24
  and
• 23:26
  invalidating
• 23:27
  and
• 23:27
  cruel
• 23:28
  outright.
• 23:29
  Yeah,
• 23:30
  like,
• 23:30
  it
• 23:30
  didn't
• 23:30
  even
• 23:30
  matter.
• 23:32
  No,
• 23:32
  she
• 23:33
  didn't.
• 23:33
  She
• 23:33
  didn't
• 23:33
  even
• 23:34
  see
• 23:34
  me.
• 23:35
  But.
• 23:35
  But
• 23:35
  it
• 23:35
  was
• 23:35
  actually
• 23:36
  like
• 23:36
  a
• 23:36
  knife
• 23:36
  in
• 23:37
  the
• 23:37
  back.
• 23:37
  It
• 23:38
  was.
• 23:38
  It
• 23:38
  was
• 23:39
  conscious
• 23:39
  thing.
• 23:40
  She
• 23:40
  didn't
• 23:40
  often
• 23:41
  do
• 23:41
  that,
• 23:41
  but
• 23:43
  that
• 23:43
  was
• 23:44
  one
• 23:44
  of
• 23:44
  the
• 23:44
  strategies
• 23:45
  that
• 23:45
  she
• 23:45
  would
• 23:46
  occasionally
• 23:47
  use.
• 23:48
  She's
• 23:48
  not
• 23:48
  a
• 23:48
  malignant
• 23:49
  narcissist,
• 23:49
  a
• 23:50
  more
• 23:50
  covert
• 23:50
  type.
• 23:51
  So
• 23:51
  these
• 23:51
  things
• 23:52
  were
• 23:52
  kind
• 23:52
  of
• 23:52
  rare
• 23:53
  and
• 23:54
  very
• 23:54
  painful,
• 23:54
  especially
• 23:55
  I'm
• 23:55
  very
• 23:56
  sensitive
• 23:56
  person,
• 23:57
  but
• 23:57
  she
• 23:57
  never
• 23:58
  saw
• 23:58
  me.
• 23:58
  I
• 23:58
  could
• 23:58
  be
• 23:59
  like,
• 23:59
  right
• 23:59
  beside
• 24:00
  her
• 24:00
  or
• 24:00
  I
• 24:01
  could
• 24:01
  be
• 24:01
  in
• 24:01
  Timbuktu
• 24:02
  and
• 24:03
  she
• 24:04
  would
• 24:04
  not
• 24:04
  really
• 24:04
  see
• 24:04
  me
• 24:05
  because
• 24:05
  she
• 24:05
  did
• 24:05
  not
• 24:05
  want
• 24:06
  to
• 24:06
  see
• 24:06
  me.
• 24:06
  She
• 24:07
  does
• 24:07
  not
• 24:07
  never
• 24:08
  want
• 24:08
  to
• 24:08
  know
• 24:08
  me
• 24:11
  for
• 24:11
  who
• 24:11
  I
• 24:11
  really
• 24:11
  was.
• 24:13
  Now,
• 24:13
  do
• 24:13
  you
• 24:13
  know
• 24:14
  her?
• 24:14
  I
• 24:14
  mean,
• 24:14
  I
• 24:15
  don't
• 24:15
  know
• 24:15
  how
• 24:15
  much
• 24:15
  you
• 24:15
  want
• 24:15
  to
• 24:15
  talk
• 24:16
  about
• 24:16
  your
• 24:16
  mother,
• 24:16
  but
• 24:16
  did
• 24:17
  you
• 24:17
  know
• 24:17
  her
• 24:17
  history
• 24:18
  as
• 24:18
  to
• 24:18
  what.
• 24:19
  What
• 24:20
  could
• 24:20
  have
• 24:20
  possibly.
• 24:21
  Why
• 24:21
  she
• 24:21
  was
• 24:21
  like
• 24:22
  that?
• 24:23
  Well,
• 24:23
  yeah,
• 24:23
  I
• 24:24
  mean,
• 24:24
  her.
• 24:24
  Her
• 24:25
  mother
• 24:25
  was
• 24:25
  a
• 24:25
  real
• 24:25
  battle
• 24:26
  axe.
• 24:26
  Probably
• 24:26
  some
• 24:27
  kind
• 24:27
  of
• 24:27
  malignant
• 24:28
  narcissist.
• 24:29
  I
• 24:29
  don't
• 24:29
  know.
• 24:29
  And
• 24:29
  I
• 24:30
  think
• 24:30
  I
• 24:31
  mentioned
• 24:31
  I
• 24:32
  found
• 24:32
  out
• 24:32
  recently
• 24:32
  that
• 24:33
  she
• 24:33
  was
• 24:33
  sexually
• 24:34
  abusing
• 24:34
  my
• 24:34
  uncle.
• 24:35
  My.
• 24:35
  My
• 24:36
  mother's.
• 24:36
  And
• 24:37
  my
• 24:37
  mother
• 24:37
  would
• 24:38
  say,
• 24:38
  oh,
• 24:38
  she
• 24:38
  just
• 24:38
  wasn't
• 24:39
  a
• 24:39
  very
• 24:39
  happy
• 24:39
  woman,
• 24:40
  you
• 24:40
  know,
• 24:40
  when
• 24:40
  she's
• 24:40
  talking
• 24:41
  about
• 24:41
  her
• 24:41
  mother.
• 24:41
  But
• 24:41
  her
• 24:42
  mother
• 24:42
  was,
• 24:43
  you
• 24:43
  know,
• 24:44
  malignant.
• 24:44
  I
• 24:44
  never
• 24:45
  liked
• 24:45
  her
• 24:45
  as
• 24:45
  a
• 24:45
  child
• 24:46
  myself.
• 24:46
  She
• 24:46
  was
• 24:46
  aggressive.
• 24:47
  I
• 24:47
  remember
• 24:47
  once
• 24:48
  grabbing
• 24:48
  me
• 24:49
  and
• 24:49
  forcing
• 24:49
  me
• 24:50
  to
• 24:50
  go
• 24:50
  with
• 24:50
  her
• 24:50
  to
• 24:50
  the
• 24:51
  market.
• 24:52
  And
• 24:53
  now
• 24:53
  I
• 24:53
  don't.
• 24:53
  I
• 24:53
  don't
• 24:53
  know
• 24:54
  what
• 24:54
  she
• 24:54
  did
• 24:54
  to
• 24:54
  my
• 24:55
  mother
• 24:55
  or
• 24:55
  what,
• 24:55
  but,
• 24:56
  I
• 24:56
  mean,
• 24:56
  she
• 24:56
  was
• 24:57
  not
• 24:57
  able
• 24:57
  to
• 24:57
  give
• 24:58
  them
• 24:58
  love.
• 24:58
  She
• 24:59
  provided
• 24:59
  them
• 24:59
  with
• 25:00
  all
• 25:00
  the
• 25:00
  kind
• 25:00
  of
• 25:01
  what
• 25:01
  their
• 25:01
  food
• 25:02
  and
• 25:02
  their
• 25:02
  clothing,
• 25:03
  and
• 25:03
  they
• 25:03
  were.
• 25:03
  Well,
• 25:04
  they're
• 25:04
  well
• 25:04
  off
• 25:05
  relatively,
• 25:06
  but
• 25:06
  in
• 25:06
  terms
• 25:06
  of
• 25:07
  love
• 25:07
  and
• 25:07
  emotional
• 25:08
  support,
• 25:08
  like
• 25:09
  nothing.
• 25:09
  I
• 25:09
  don't
• 25:09
  think
• 25:09
  she
• 25:10
  would
• 25:10
  have
• 25:10
  been
• 25:10
  capable
• 25:10
  of
• 25:11
  that
• 25:11
  at
• 25:11
  all.
• 25:12
  And
• 25:12
  my
• 25:12
  mother
• 25:13
  similarly,
• 25:13
  but
• 25:14
  it
• 25:14
  was
• 25:14
  just
• 25:14
  in
• 25:14
  a
• 25:15
  more.
• 25:15
  In
• 25:16
  a
• 25:16
  less
• 25:16
  visible
• 25:17
  format.
• 25:18
  Right,
• 25:19
  so
• 25:19
  you
• 25:19
  went
• 25:20
  no
• 25:20
  contact
• 25:20
  with
• 25:20
  your
• 25:21
  mother.
• 25:21
  Are
• 25:21
  you
• 25:21
  still
• 25:21
  no
• 25:22
  contact
• 25:22
  with
• 25:22
  her?
• 25:23
  Yes.
• 25:23
  Yeah.
• 25:24
  I
• 25:25
  have
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  detox.
• 25:26
  I
• 25:26
  have
• 25:26
  to
• 25:26
  detox.
• 25:27
  So
• 25:28
  now
• 25:28
  talk
• 25:29
  about
• 25:29
  that
• 25:29
  for
• 25:29
  the
• 25:29
  listeners,
• 25:30
  because
• 25:30
  I
• 25:30
  know
• 25:30
  a
• 25:30
  lot
• 25:30
  of
• 25:31
  listeners
• 25:31
  are
• 25:31
  like,
• 25:31
  it's.
• 25:32
  They're
• 25:32
  so
• 25:33
  tired
• 25:33
  of
• 25:33
  hearing,
• 25:33
  it's
• 25:34
  your
• 25:34
  mother.
• 25:34
  How
• 25:35
  do
• 25:35
  you
• 25:35
  do
• 25:35
  that?
• 25:35
  Why
• 25:36
  would
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  do
• 25:36
  that?
• 25:37
  Explain
• 25:37
  your
• 25:38
  rationalization
• 25:38
  as
• 25:39
  to
• 25:39
  the
• 25:39
  point
• 25:39
  where
• 25:39
  you
• 25:40
  finally
• 25:40
  were
• 25:40
  like,
• 25:40
  enough
• 25:41
  is
• 25:41
  enough
• 25:42
  to.
• 25:42
  Because
• 25:42
  you
• 25:43
  have
• 25:43
  to
• 25:43
  give
• 25:43
  yourself
• 25:43
  some
• 25:43
  grace
• 25:44
  with
• 25:44
  that.
• 25:44
  Because
• 25:45
  all
• 25:45
  your
• 25:45
  life,
• 25:46
  that's
• 25:46
  what
• 25:46
  I
• 25:46
  heard.
• 25:47
  Like,
• 25:47
  you
• 25:47
  can't
• 25:48
  be
• 25:48
  mad
• 25:48
  at
• 25:48
  your
• 25:48
  mother.
• 25:49
  She's
• 25:49
  your
• 25:49
  mother.
• 25:49
  Like,
• 25:50
  didn't
• 25:50
  matter
• 25:50
  what
• 25:50
  she
• 25:51
  did.
• 25:52
  And
• 25:52
  people
• 25:52
  excuse
• 25:53
  the
• 25:53
  mother.
• 25:53
  They're
• 25:54
  like,
• 25:54
  oh,
• 25:54
  you
• 25:54
  can't.
• 25:54
  You
• 25:55
  can't
• 25:55
  complain
• 25:55
  about
• 25:56
  your
• 25:56
  mother.
• 25:56
  Your
• 25:56
  mother
• 25:57
  is
• 25:57
  kind
• 25:57
  of
• 25:57
  deified.
• 25:58
  In
• 25:58
  our
• 25:58
  society,
• 25:59
  in
• 25:59
  our
• 25:59
  culture,
• 26:00
  the
• 26:01
  mother
• 26:01
  can
• 26:01
  do
• 26:01
  no
• 26:02
  wrong.
• 26:02
  You
• 26:02
  can't
• 26:02
  criticize
• 26:03
  your
• 26:03
  mother.
• 26:04
  But
• 26:04
  mothers
• 26:05
  are
• 26:05
  human,
• 26:06
  you
• 26:06
  know,
• 26:07
  mothers
• 26:07
  are
• 26:08
  traumatized,
• 26:09
  you
• 26:09
  know,
• 26:09
  obviously,
• 26:10
  and
• 26:11
  they're
• 26:11
  going
• 26:11
  to
• 26:11
  pass
• 26:11
  that
• 26:12
  on.
• 26:13
  So
• 26:13
  for
• 26:14
  me,
• 26:14
  it
• 26:14
  was
• 26:15
  like
• 26:15
  she
• 26:15
  wasn't
• 26:15
  respecting
• 26:16
  my
• 26:16
  boundaries.
• 26:17
  I'd
• 26:17
  keep
• 26:17
  asking
• 26:17
  for
• 26:18
  space
• 26:18
  and
• 26:19
  she'd
• 26:19
  keep
• 26:19
  trying
• 26:20
  to
• 26:20
  contact
• 26:20
  me
• 26:21
  and
• 26:21
  then,
• 26:22
  like,
• 26:22
  send
• 26:22
  me
• 26:22
  a
• 26:23
  text
• 26:23
  message
• 26:23
  on
• 26:23
  different
• 26:24
  number
• 26:24
  and
• 26:24
  stuff.
• 26:25
  And
• 26:25
  I
• 26:25
  mean,
• 26:25
  I.
• 26:25
  I
• 26:25
  just
• 26:26
  had
• 26:26
  to
• 26:26
  block
• 26:26
  her.
• 26:27
  And
• 26:27
  then
• 26:27
  eventually
• 26:28
  I
• 26:28
  just
• 26:28
  unblocked
• 26:29
  her
• 26:29
  and
• 26:29
  said,
• 26:29
  look,
• 26:29
  I
• 26:30
  need
• 26:30
  some
• 26:30
  space.
• 26:30
  I'll
• 26:31
  be
• 26:31
  in
• 26:31
  touch
• 26:31
  if
• 26:31
  and
• 26:32
  when
• 26:32
  I
• 26:32
  can.
• 26:35
  And
• 26:35
  talk
• 26:35
  about
• 26:35
  how
• 26:36
  that
• 26:36
  felt
• 26:36
  after
• 26:37
  you
• 26:37
  did
• 26:37
  that,
• 26:37
  once
• 26:38
  you
• 26:38
  got
• 26:38
  past
• 26:38
  the
• 26:38
  initial
• 26:39
  shock
• 26:40
  of,
• 26:40
  I
• 26:40
  can't
• 26:40
  believe
• 26:40
  I
• 26:40
  just
• 26:41
  did
• 26:41
  that.
• 26:43
  Yeah,
• 26:43
  there's.
• 26:44
  There's
• 26:44
  a
• 26:44
  constant,
• 26:44
  am
• 26:45
  I
• 26:45
  doing
• 26:45
  the
• 26:45
  right
• 26:45
  thing?
• 26:46
  Am
• 26:46
  I
• 26:46
  overreacting?
• 26:48
  But
• 26:49
  I
• 26:49
  need
• 26:49
  to
• 26:50
  prioritize
• 26:50
  my
• 26:50
  peace
• 26:51
  for
• 26:51
  once.
• 26:51
  And
• 26:52
  this
• 26:52
  is
• 26:52
  what
• 26:52
  I
• 26:53
  need
• 26:53
  to.
• 26:53
  To
• 26:53
  reclaim
• 26:54
  my
• 26:54
  peace.
• 26:54
  Because
• 26:55
  she
• 26:55
  doesn't
• 26:55
  respect
• 26:55
  my
• 26:56
  peace.
• 26:57
  She
• 26:58
  only
• 26:58
  cares
• 26:58
  about
• 26:59
  me
• 27:01
  in.
• 27:01
  In
• 27:01
  so
• 27:01
  much
• 27:01
  as
• 27:02
  it
• 27:02
  soothes
• 27:02
  her.
• 27:02
  That's
• 27:03
  why
• 27:03
  she
• 27:03
  wants
• 27:03
  to
• 27:03
  know
• 27:04
  where
• 27:04
  I
• 27:04
  am.
• 27:05
  She
• 27:05
  doesn't
• 27:06
  care
• 27:06
  how
• 27:07
  I
• 27:07
  am.
• 27:07
  Internally,
• 27:08
  she
• 27:08
  just
• 27:08
  wants
• 27:08
  to
• 27:09
  be
• 27:09
  able
• 27:09
  to
• 27:09
  say,
• 27:10
  Emma
• 27:10
  is
• 27:11
  here,
• 27:11
  Emma
• 27:11
  is
• 27:12
  there,
• 27:12
  you
• 27:12
  know,
• 27:12
  so
• 27:13
  that
• 27:13
  she
• 27:13
  can
• 27:13
  soothe
• 27:14
  her
• 27:14
  own
• 27:14
  anxiety.
• 27:15
  And
• 27:15
  that's
• 27:16
  not
• 27:16
  enough
• 27:16
  for
• 27:16
  me.
• 27:17
  And
• 27:17
  this
• 27:17
  is
• 27:17
  not
• 27:18
  one
• 27:18
  once.
• 27:19
  This
• 27:19
  has
• 27:19
  been
• 27:19
  my
• 27:20
  whole
• 27:20
  life
• 27:21
  and
• 27:22
  I've.
• 27:22
  I've.
• 27:23
  All
• 27:23
  my
• 27:23
  life.
• 27:23
  I
• 27:23
  felt
• 27:24
  obligated
• 27:24
  to
• 27:25
  talk
• 27:25
  to
• 27:25
  her
• 27:25
  when
• 27:25
  she,
• 27:26
  when
• 27:26
  I
• 27:26
  had
• 27:26
  nothing
• 27:26
  to
• 27:27
  say
• 27:27
  to
• 27:27
  her
• 27:28
  just
• 27:28
  because
• 27:28
  she
• 27:29
  insisted
• 27:30
  in
• 27:30
  speaking
• 27:30
  to
• 27:31
  me.
• 27:31
  And
• 27:32
  I'm
• 27:32
  not,
• 27:32
  I'm
• 27:32
  not
• 27:33
  going
• 27:33
  to
• 27:33
  do
• 27:33
  that
• 27:33
  to
• 27:33
  myself
• 27:34
  anymore.
• 27:35
  I'm
• 27:35
  not
• 27:35
  going
• 27:35
  to
• 27:36
  have
• 27:36
  a
• 27:36
  conversation
• 27:36
  about
• 27:37
  the
• 27:37
  weather
• 27:37
  just
• 27:37
  so
• 27:38
  that
• 27:38
  she
• 27:38
  can
• 27:38
  feel
• 27:38
  sued.
• 27:40
  Right.
• 27:40
  If
• 27:40
  it
• 27:40
  makes
• 27:41
  me
• 27:41
  feel
• 27:41
  uncomfortable.
• 27:42
  No.
• 27:43
  So
• 27:43
  she's.
• 27:44
  Her
• 27:44
  time.
• 27:45
  Right.
• 27:46
  So
• 27:46
  would
• 27:47
  you
• 27:47
  say
• 27:47
  again,
• 27:48
  like,
• 27:48
  I
• 27:48
  know
• 27:49
  there's
• 27:49
  a
• 27:49
  lot
• 27:49
  of
• 27:49
  people
• 27:49
  out
• 27:49
  there
• 27:50
  that
• 27:50
  are
• 27:50
  struggling
• 27:50
  with
• 27:51
  this.
• 27:51
  I've
• 27:51
  talked
• 27:51
  to
• 27:51
  three
• 27:52
  or
• 27:52
  four
• 27:52
  just
• 27:52
  this
• 27:53
  week
• 27:53
  about
• 27:54
  wanting
• 27:54
  to
• 27:54
  go.
• 27:55
  No
• 27:55
  contact.
• 27:55
  Would
• 27:56
  you
• 27:56
  say
• 27:56
  it
• 27:56
  was
• 27:56
  liberating
• 27:57
  once
• 27:57
  you
• 27:57
  got
• 27:57
  past
• 27:58
  the
• 27:58
  initial
• 27:58
  shock
• 27:59
  of
• 27:59
  it?
• 27:59
  It.
• 28:00
  Yeah.
• 28:01
  I
• 28:01
  think
• 28:01
  you've
• 28:01
  got
• 28:02
  to
• 28:02
  just
• 28:02
  make
• 28:02
  that
• 28:03
  decision
• 28:04
  and
• 28:04
  send
• 28:05
  them.
• 28:05
  Send
• 28:05
  the
• 28:05
  final
• 28:06
  message
• 28:07
  about
• 28:07
  what
• 28:07
  you're
• 28:08
  doing,
• 28:08
  why
• 28:08
  you're
• 28:08
  doing
• 28:09
  it,
• 28:09
  and
• 28:09
  then
• 28:10
  like,
• 28:10
  block.
• 28:11
  Block
• 28:11
  them.
• 28:11
  Change
• 28:12
  your
• 28:12
  number.
• 28:12
  You
• 28:13
  know,
• 28:13
  you're
• 28:13
  an
• 28:13
  adult.
• 28:14
  You're
• 28:14
  not
• 28:14
  a
• 28:14
  child
• 28:14
  anymore.
• 28:15
  You're
• 28:16
  not,
• 28:17
  you're
• 28:17
  not
• 28:17
  beneath
• 28:17
  this
• 28:18
  person.
• 28:18
  They
• 28:18
  don't,
• 28:19
  they
• 28:19
  can't
• 28:19
  control
• 28:20
  you
• 28:20
  anymore
• 28:21
  unless
• 28:21
  you
• 28:22
  give
• 28:22
  them
• 28:22
  that,
• 28:23
  that,
• 28:23
  that
• 28:23
  leash.
• 28:24
  And
• 28:25
  you
• 28:25
  could
• 28:25
  take
• 28:25
  that,
• 28:26
  take
• 28:26
  that
• 28:26
  leash
• 28:26
  off.
• 28:28
  And
• 28:28
  you
• 28:28
  know,
• 28:28
  you,
• 28:29
  you
• 28:29
  don't
• 28:29
  have,
• 28:29
  you
• 28:29
  don't
• 28:30
  owe
• 28:30
  your
• 28:30
  mother
• 28:31
  or
• 28:31
  whoever
• 28:31
  it
• 28:31
  is
• 28:32
  any
• 28:32
  explanation.
• 28:32
  You're
• 28:33
  an
• 28:33
  adult.
• 28:34
  When
• 28:34
  you're
• 28:34
  a
• 28:34
  child,
• 28:35
  you.
• 28:36
  It's.
• 28:36
  It's
• 28:36
  really
• 28:37
  hard
• 28:37
  to
• 28:37
  say
• 28:37
  to
• 28:37
  a
• 28:37
  child,
• 28:38
  you
• 28:38
  know,
• 28:39
  the
• 28:39
  child,
• 28:39
  the
• 28:40
  child
• 28:40
  is
• 28:40
  helpless.
• 28:41
  Exactly.
• 28:42
  There's
• 28:42
  nothing
• 28:42
  they
• 28:42
  can
• 28:43
  do.
• 28:43
  But
• 28:43
  as
• 28:43
  an
• 28:44
  adult,
• 28:44
  you
• 28:44
  could
• 28:44
  take
• 28:44
  back
• 28:45
  your
• 28:45
  power
• 28:45
  and
• 28:45
  you're
• 28:46
  allowed,
• 28:46
  like,
• 28:46
  if
• 28:47
  somebody,
• 28:47
  if,
• 28:47
  if
• 28:47
  your
• 28:48
  friend
• 28:48
  is
• 28:48
  being
• 28:49
  toxic
• 28:49
  and
• 28:49
  dismissive
• 28:50
  of
• 28:50
  you,
• 28:51
  you
• 28:51
  take
• 28:51
  your
• 28:52
  space
• 28:52
  back.
• 28:53
  And
• 28:53
  so
• 28:53
  you,
• 28:54
  you
• 28:54
  do
• 28:54
  that
• 28:54
  with
• 28:54
  your
• 28:54
  family.
• 28:55
  Just
• 28:55
  because
• 28:55
  your
• 28:56
  blood
• 28:56
  related
• 28:56
  to
• 28:57
  the
• 28:57
  person
• 28:57
  doesn't
• 28:57
  give
• 28:58
  them
• 28:58
  rights
• 28:58
  to
• 28:58
  invalidate
• 28:59
  and
• 29:00
  abuse
• 29:00
  you.
• 29:01
  No.
• 29:01
  Yeah.
• 29:02
  I
• 29:02
  mean,
• 29:02
  seriously,
• 29:03
  once
• 29:03
  you're
• 29:03
  an
• 29:03
  adult.
• 29:04
  I
• 29:04
  said
• 29:04
  that
• 29:04
  to
• 29:04
  someone
• 29:04
  the
• 29:04
  other
• 29:05
  day.
• 29:05
  I
• 29:05
  was
• 29:05
  like,
• 29:05
  if
• 29:06
  they
• 29:06
  were
• 29:06
  not
• 29:06
  your
• 29:06
  brother,
• 29:07
  would
• 29:07
  they
• 29:07
  be
• 29:07
  in
• 29:08
  your
• 29:08
  life?
• 29:09
  And
• 29:09
  she
• 29:09
  said,
• 29:10
  absolutely
• 29:10
  not.
• 29:10
  I
• 29:11
  said,
• 29:11
  then
• 29:11
  get
• 29:11
  them
• 29:11
  out.
• 29:12
  Get
• 29:13
  them
• 29:13
  out.
• 29:13
  I
• 29:13
  know
• 29:13
  it's
• 29:14
  blood,
• 29:14
  but
• 29:15
  if
• 29:15
  it's
• 29:15
  toxic,
• 29:16
  it
• 29:16
  needs
• 29:16
  to
• 29:17
  go
• 29:17
  for
• 29:17
  your
• 29:17
  own
• 29:18
  mental
• 29:18
  health,
• 29:18
  you
• 29:19
  know,
• 29:20
  for
• 29:20
  your
• 29:20
  own.
• 29:21
  And,
• 29:21
  and
• 29:21
  it's
• 29:21
  a
• 29:22
  long
• 29:22
  time.
• 29:22
  I
• 29:22
  mean,
• 29:22
  you
• 29:23
  went
• 29:23
  no
• 29:23
  contact.
• 29:23
  How.
• 29:24
  I
• 29:24
  don't
• 29:24
  know
• 29:24
  how
• 29:24
  old
• 29:24
  you
• 29:24
  are,
• 29:25
  but
• 29:25
  you
• 29:25
  went
• 29:25
  no
• 29:25
  contact.
• 29:26
  After
• 29:26
  decades
• 29:27
  of
• 29:27
  this.
• 29:28
  Oh,
• 29:29
  yeah,
• 29:29
  yeah.
• 29:29
  Decades
• 29:30
  of
• 29:30
  this.
• 29:31
  Yeah.
• 29:31
  So
• 29:32
  this
• 29:32
  is.
• 29:32
  This
• 29:33
  is
• 29:33
  like
• 29:33
  I've
• 29:34
  given
• 29:34
  her.
• 29:34
  She's
• 29:35
  taken
• 29:35
  my
• 29:35
  Blood,
• 29:35
  sweat,
• 29:36
  tears.
• 29:37
  She's
• 29:37
  taken
• 29:38
  my.
• 29:38
  And
• 29:39
  I
• 29:39
  just,
• 29:39
  like,
• 29:39
  what,
• 29:40
  in
• 29:40
  the
• 29:40
  grief
• 29:40
  that
• 29:41
  I
• 29:41
  was
• 29:41
  experiencing,
• 29:41
  wrote
• 29:42
  a
• 29:42
  poem.
• 29:42
  Like,
• 29:42
  it's
• 29:42
  about,
• 29:43
  like,
• 29:44
  the
• 29:44
  lost
• 29:44
  childhood,
• 29:45
  the
• 29:45
  lost
• 29:45
  life,
• 29:45
  the
• 29:46
  life
• 29:46
  that
• 29:46
  couldn't
• 29:46
  have
• 29:47
  been,
• 29:47
  that
• 29:47
  you'll
• 29:47
  never
• 29:48
  remember,
• 29:48
  that
• 29:48
  never
• 29:49
  was.
• 29:49
  You
• 29:49
  know,
• 29:49
  so
• 29:50
  there's
• 29:50
  all
• 29:50
  this
• 29:50
  grie.
• 29:51
  That
• 29:51
  needs
• 29:51
  to
• 29:51
  happen,
• 29:52
  and
• 29:53
  it's
• 29:53
  because
• 29:53
  someone
• 29:54
  else
• 29:54
  was
• 29:54
  controlling
• 29:55
  and
• 29:56
  limiting
• 29:56
  you,
• 29:57
  and
• 29:57
  basically
• 29:58
  you
• 29:58
  bought
• 29:58
  into
• 29:59
  that.
• 30:00
  So
• 30:00
  because
• 30:00
  it
• 30:00
  was
• 30:01
  your
• 30:01
  mother
• 30:01
  or
• 30:01
  your
• 30:02
  family,
• 30:02
  your
• 30:02
  father
• 30:03
  that
• 30:03
  told
• 30:03
  you
• 30:03
  these
• 30:04
  things
• 30:04
  or
• 30:04
  that
• 30:04
  energetically
• 30:06
  dumped
• 30:06
  on
• 30:06
  you
• 30:07
  that
• 30:07
  you.
• 30:08
  You
• 30:08
  believed
• 30:08
  it
• 30:09
  all.
• 30:09
  And,
• 30:10
  you
• 30:10
  know,
• 30:10
  especially
• 30:10
  if
• 30:11
  you
• 30:11
  were
• 30:11
  the
• 30:11
  scapegoat,
• 30:12
  like,
• 30:12
  you're
• 30:12
  going
• 30:13
  to
• 30:13
  be
• 30:13
  very
• 30:13
  damaged
• 30:14
  from
• 30:14
  this.
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  mean,
• 30:17
  all
• 30:17
  the
• 30:17
  roles.
• 30:17
  But
• 30:17
  especially
• 30:18
  like
• 30:18
  the
• 30:18
  golden
• 30:19
  child.
• 30:19
  Even
• 30:19
  the
• 30:19
  golden
• 30:20
  child
• 30:20
  isn't
• 30:21
  allowed
• 30:21
  to
• 30:21
  have
• 30:21
  their
• 30:22
  own
• 30:22
  identity.
• 30:22
  They
• 30:23
  basically
• 30:23
  just
• 30:23
  step
• 30:23
  into
• 30:24
  the
• 30:24
  narcissist.
• 30:25
  You
• 30:25
  know,
• 30:26
  they.
• 30:26
  They
• 30:26
  play
• 30:26
  it
• 30:27
  out
• 30:27
  again.
• 30:28
  But
• 30:28
  we've
• 30:29
  got
• 30:29
  to.
• 30:29
  We've
• 30:29
  got
• 30:29
  to
• 30:29
  break
• 30:30
  the
• 30:30
  cycle.
• 30:31
  And
• 30:31
  the
• 30:31
  way
• 30:31
  we
• 30:32
  break
• 30:32
  the
• 30:32
  cycle
• 30:32
  is
• 30:33
  by
• 30:33
  speaking
• 30:33
  about
• 30:33
  it.
• 30:34
  Yep.
• 30:34
  And,
• 30:35
  you
• 30:35
  know,
• 30:35
  taking
• 30:36
  back
• 30:36
  our
• 30:36
  power,
• 30:36
  and
• 30:37
  that
• 30:37
  might
• 30:37
  mean.
• 30:38
  That
• 30:38
  probably
• 30:39
  likely
• 30:39
  does
• 30:39
  mean,
• 30:40
  you
• 30:40
  know,
• 30:41
  taking
• 30:41
  some
• 30:41
  time.
• 30:42
  You're
• 30:42
  allowed
• 30:42
  to
• 30:43
  take
• 30:43
  some
• 30:43
  time
• 30:43
  to
• 30:44
  recover.
• 30:45
  You
• 30:45
  know,
• 30:45
  you
• 30:45
  can't
• 30:45
  recover.
• 30:46
  And
• 30:46
  if
• 30:46
  you're
• 30:46
  sitting
• 30:47
  in
• 30:47
  a
• 30:47
  toxic
• 30:47
  field
• 30:48
  and
• 30:49
  if
• 30:49
  you're
• 30:49
  in
• 30:49
  the.
• 30:50
  In
• 30:50
  the
• 30:50
  field
• 30:50
  of
• 30:50
  the
• 30:51
  narcissist,
• 30:51
  that
• 30:51
  field
• 30:52
  is
• 30:52
  toxic.
• 30:52
  You
• 30:52
  can't
• 30:53
  recover
• 30:53
  there.
• 30:55
  No,
• 30:55
  I
• 30:55
  say
• 30:56
  that
• 30:56
  anytime.
• 30:56
  Whether
• 30:57
  it's
• 30:57
  addiction
• 30:58
  or
• 30:58
  whatever
• 30:58
  it
• 30:58
  is,
• 30:59
  if
• 30:59
  you
• 30:59
  go
• 30:59
  right
• 30:59
  back
• 31:00
  into
• 31:00
  the
• 31:00
  toxic
• 31:00
  environment
• 31:01
  that
• 31:01
  put
• 31:01
  you
• 31:01
  there
• 31:01
  in
• 31:02
  the
• 31:02
  first
• 31:02
  place,
• 31:02
  it's
• 31:03
  never,
• 31:03
  never,
• 31:03
  never
• 31:04
  going
• 31:04
  to
• 31:04
  work.
• 31:05
  No,
• 31:06
  never.
• 31:07
  And
• 31:07
  unfortunate.
• 31:07
  And
• 31:08
  it's
• 31:08
  unfortunate.
• 31:08
  But,
• 31:09
  you
• 31:09
  know,
• 31:09
  that's.
• 31:09
  That's
• 31:10
  life.
• 31:10
  I
• 31:10
  tell
• 31:11
  people.
• 31:11
  That's
• 31:11
  life.
• 31:12
  That's
• 31:12
  cyclical.
• 31:12
  Like,
• 31:13
  people
• 31:13
  change.
• 31:13
  People
• 31:14
  go
• 31:14
  in
• 31:14
  and
• 31:14
  out
• 31:15
  of
• 31:15
  relationships.
• 31:15
  They're
• 31:16
  put
• 31:16
  there
• 31:16
  for
• 31:16
  reasons
• 31:17
  like,
• 31:18
  you
• 31:18
  know,
• 31:18
  learn
• 31:18
  from
• 31:19
  every
• 31:19
  experience
• 31:20
  and
• 31:21
  know
• 31:21
  that
• 31:21
  not
• 31:21
  every
• 31:22
  relationship
• 31:22
  and
• 31:23
  every
• 31:23
  experience
• 31:23
  is
• 31:24
  going
• 31:24
  to
• 31:24
  stay.
• 31:24
  I
• 31:24
  mean,
• 31:24
  it's
• 31:25
  just.
• 31:25
  That's
• 31:25
  how
• 31:26
  life
• 31:26
  works.
• 31:27
  Just
• 31:28
  learn
• 31:28
  from
• 31:28
  them.
• 31:29
  But,
• 31:30
  yeah,
• 31:31
  yeah,
• 31:32
  well,
• 31:32
  it's
• 31:33
  so
• 31:34
  trying
• 31:34
  to
• 31:34
  change
• 31:34
  them.
• 31:35
  They're
• 31:35
  not
• 31:35
  going
• 31:35
  to
• 31:35
  change.
• 31:35
  A
• 31:36
  narcissistic,
• 31:37
  dysfunctional
• 31:37
  family,
• 31:38
  they're
• 31:38
  not
• 31:39
  going
• 31:39
  to
• 31:39
  recognize.
• 31:40
  But
• 31:40
  even
• 31:40
  if
• 31:40
  you.
• 31:41
  If
• 31:41
  you
• 31:41
  try
• 31:41
  to
• 31:41
  tell
• 31:41
  them,
• 31:42
  point
• 31:42
  to
• 31:42
  their
• 31:43
  dysfunction,
• 31:43
  they're
• 31:43
  going
• 31:44
  to.
• 31:44
  They're
• 31:44
  going
• 31:45
  to
• 31:45
  gaslight
• 31:45
  you
• 31:45
  and
• 31:45
  project
• 31:46
  it
• 31:46
  back
• 31:46
  on
• 31:46
  you.
• 31:47
  So
• 31:47
  that's
• 31:47
  a
• 31:48
  waste
• 31:48
  of
• 31:48
  time.
• 31:49
  And
• 31:49
  if
• 31:49
  you
• 31:49
  Stay
• 31:50
  in
• 31:50
  the
• 31:50
  field.
• 31:50
  You
• 31:51
  might
• 31:51
  be
• 31:51
  tempted
• 31:51
  to
• 31:51
  do
• 31:52
  something
• 31:52
  like
• 31:52
  that.
• 31:53
  So
• 31:54
  take
• 31:55
  back
• 31:55
  your
• 31:55
  power,
• 31:55
  take
• 31:56
  your
• 31:56
  space,
• 31:56
  and
• 31:57
  let.
• 31:57
  Give
• 31:58
  yourself
• 31:58
  the
• 31:58
  time
• 31:58
  to
• 31:59
  recover.
• 32:00
  Yep.
• 32:01
  And
• 32:01
  I,
• 32:01
  I
• 32:01
  agree
• 32:02
  with.
• 32:02
  You
• 32:02
  know,
• 32:03
  when
• 32:03
  we
• 32:03
  always
• 32:03
  think
• 32:04
  we
• 32:04
  can
• 32:04
  change
• 32:04
  people
• 32:04
  or
• 32:05
  we
• 32:05
  can
• 32:05
  be
• 32:05
  good
• 32:05
  enough
• 32:06
  that
• 32:06
  they're
• 32:06
  going
• 32:06
  to
• 32:06
  want
• 32:06
  to
• 32:06
  change.
• 32:07
  And
• 32:07
  especially
• 32:07
  when
• 32:08
  you're
• 32:08
  dealing
• 32:08
  with
• 32:09
  a
• 32:09
  narcissist.
• 32:10
  Oh,
• 32:10
  I
• 32:10
  love
• 32:10
  your
• 32:10
  cat.
• 32:11
  Especially
• 32:12
  when
• 32:12
  you're
• 32:12
  dealing
• 32:12
  with
• 32:12
  that,
• 32:13
  you
• 32:13
  know,
• 32:15
  you
• 32:15
  can't
• 32:15
  even
• 32:15
  hardly.
• 32:16
  I
• 32:16
  had
• 32:16
  one
• 32:16
  girl
• 32:16
  that
• 32:17
  was
• 32:17
  like,
• 32:17
  well,
• 32:17
  I'm
• 32:17
  gonna
• 32:17
  get
• 32:17
  him
• 32:17
  to
• 32:17
  go
• 32:18
  to
• 32:18
  therapy.
• 32:18
  I
• 32:18
  was
• 32:18
  like,
• 32:19
  it's.
• 32:19
  He
• 32:20
  will
• 32:20
  never
• 32:20
  admit
• 32:21
  that
• 32:21
  part
• 32:21
  of
• 32:21
  the
• 32:21
  problem
• 32:21
  could
• 32:22
  possibly
• 32:22
  be
• 32:22
  him.
• 32:23
  Like,
• 32:23
  that's
• 32:23
  the
• 32:23
  whole
• 32:24
  thing.
• 32:24
  Like,
• 32:24
  it
• 32:24
  will,
• 32:25
  you
• 32:25
  know,
• 32:25
  he
• 32:25
  won't,
• 32:26
  he
• 32:26
  won't
• 32:26
  go.
• 32:27
  And
• 32:28
  somehow
• 32:28
  it's
• 32:28
  gonna
• 32:29
  turn
• 32:29
  around
• 32:29
  and
• 32:29
  you're
• 32:30
  not
• 32:30
  gonna
• 32:30
  like
• 32:30
  what
• 32:30
  you
• 32:31
  find.
• 32:31
  Like
• 32:31
  when
• 32:32
  it
• 32:32
  flips
• 32:32
  and
• 32:33
  eventually
• 32:34
  she's
• 32:34
  like,
• 32:34
  you
• 32:34
  know,
• 32:34
  you're
• 32:35
  right.
• 32:35
  You
• 32:35
  can't
• 32:36
  change
• 32:36
  someone.
• 32:36
  That's
• 32:37
  who
• 32:37
  he
• 32:37
  is.
• 32:37
  And
• 32:37
  I'm
• 32:38
  like,
• 32:38
  absolutely
• 32:38
  not.
• 32:39
  And
• 32:39
  for
• 32:39
  your
• 32:40
  own
• 32:40
  peace
• 32:40
  of
• 32:40
  mind,
• 32:40
  don't
• 32:41
  try
• 32:41
  to
• 32:41
  change
• 32:41
  someone.
• 32:42
  Change
• 32:42
  yourself.
• 32:43
  Grow
• 32:43
  and
• 32:44
  do
• 32:45
  what
• 32:45
  you
• 32:45
  got
• 32:45
  to
• 32:45
  do
• 32:45
  to
• 32:46
  be
• 32:46
  happy.
• 32:47
  Yes.
• 32:48
  Yeah.
• 32:48
  Yeah.
• 32:49
  So
• 32:49
  I
• 32:50
  love
• 32:50
  what
• 32:50
  you
• 32:50
  do.
• 32:50
  I
• 32:51
  love.
• 32:51
  So
• 32:51
  how
• 32:52
  do
• 32:52
  you
• 32:52
  work
• 32:52
  with
• 32:52
  people?
• 32:53
  I
• 32:54
  mean.
• 32:54
  Well,
• 32:55
  yeah,
• 32:55
  yeah,
• 32:56
  I
• 32:56
  mean,
• 32:56
  I
• 32:56
  do,
• 32:56
  I
• 32:57
  do
• 32:57
  energy
• 32:57
  work
• 32:57
  with
• 32:58
  people.
• 32:59
  And
• 32:59
  I
• 33:00
  mean,
• 33:00
  I'm
• 33:00
  kind
• 33:00
  of,
• 33:00
  I'm,
• 33:01
  I'm
• 33:01
  in
• 33:01
  the
• 33:01
  process
• 33:02
  of
• 33:02
  transitioning
• 33:03
  to
• 33:03
  bigger
• 33:03
  kind
• 33:04
  of.
• 33:04
  Because
• 33:04
  I've
• 33:04
  been
• 33:04
  getting
• 33:05
  all
• 33:05
  these
• 33:05
  downloads
• 33:06
  about
• 33:06
  the
• 33:06
  trauma
• 33:07
  matrix
• 33:07
  and
• 33:07
  how
• 33:07
  the
• 33:08
  real
• 33:08
  matrix
• 33:08
  is
• 33:09
  traumatized.
• 33:10
  So
• 33:10
  I'm
• 33:10
  setting
• 33:10
  up
• 33:11
  this
• 33:11
  kind
• 33:11
  of,
• 33:11
  I'm
• 33:12
  leveling
• 33:13
  up
• 33:13
  what
• 33:13
  I'm
• 33:13
  doing,
• 33:14
  moving
• 33:14
  from
• 33:15
  kind
• 33:15
  of
• 33:16
  personal
• 33:16
  trauma
• 33:17
  around,
• 33:17
  limiting
• 33:18
  your
• 33:18
  power
• 33:19
  to
• 33:20
  this
• 33:20
  kind
• 33:20
  of
• 33:20
  the
• 33:21
  over
• 33:21
  the
• 33:21
  underlay
• 33:22
  of
• 33:22
  trauma.
• 33:24
  And
• 33:24
  that's,
• 33:25
  that's
• 33:25
  really
• 33:25
  what
• 33:25
  I'm
• 33:26
  focusing
• 33:26
  on.
• 33:26
  So
• 33:27
  at
• 33:27
  the
• 33:27
  moment
• 33:27
  I,
• 33:28
  I'm,
• 33:28
  look,
• 33:28
  I'm
• 33:29
  creating
• 33:30
  some,
• 33:30
  creating
• 33:31
  something
• 33:31
  for,
• 33:32
  for
• 33:32
  scapegoats
• 33:33
  particularly.
• 33:34
  And
• 33:34
  I
• 33:35
  have
• 33:35
  some
• 33:35
  special
• 33:36
  offer
• 33:36
  for
• 33:36
  them.
• 33:37
  So
• 33:37
  if
• 33:37
  people
• 33:37
  want
• 33:38
  to
• 33:38
  check
• 33:38
  that
• 33:38
  out,
• 33:38
  I'll
• 33:39
  pass
• 33:39
  on
• 33:39
  the,
• 33:39
  pass
• 33:40
  on
• 33:40
  the
• 33:40
  link
• 33:40
  to
• 33:40
  you
• 33:41
  to.
• 33:41
  So
• 33:41
  I'm
• 33:42
  just
• 33:42
  looking
• 33:42
  for
• 33:42
  a
• 33:42
  couple
• 33:42
  of
• 33:43
  people
• 33:43
  to
• 33:43
  beta
• 33:43
  test
• 33:44
  a
• 33:44
  process
• 33:45
  that
• 33:45
  I'm
• 33:45
  looking
• 33:45
  to
• 33:45
  take
• 33:46
  people
• 33:46
  through.
• 33:47
  So
• 33:47
  if
• 33:47
  you're
• 33:47
  interested
• 33:48
  in
• 33:48
  that,
• 33:49
  definitely
• 33:49
  check
• 33:50
  me
• 33:50
  out.
• 33:50
  Or,
• 33:51
  you
• 33:51
  know,
• 33:51
  it's,
• 33:52
  it's.
• 33:52
  I
• 33:52
  just
• 33:53
  say
• 33:53
  to
• 33:53
  people,
• 33:54
  you
• 33:54
  know,
• 33:54
  if
• 33:54
  this
• 33:54
  is
• 33:55
  speaking
• 33:55
  to
• 33:55
  you,
• 33:56
  it's
• 33:56
  speaking
• 33:56
  to
• 33:56
  you
• 33:56
  for
• 33:56
  a
• 33:57
  reason.
• 33:57
  You
• 33:57
  know,
• 33:57
  if
• 33:58
  you're
• 33:58
  still
• 33:58
  here
• 33:59
  in
• 33:59
  this
• 33:59
  conversation,
• 34:00
  there,
• 34:01
  there's
• 34:01
  something
• 34:01
  here
• 34:02
  for
• 34:02
  you.
• 34:02
  So,
• 34:03
  you
• 34:03
  know,
• 34:03
  act
• 34:03
  on
• 34:04
  Us,
• 34:04
  you
• 34:04
  know,
• 34:04
  get.
• 34:05
  Get
• 34:05
  help.
• 34:06
  Yeah.
• 34:07
  And
• 34:08
  talking
• 34:08
  about
• 34:08
  it
• 34:08
  is
• 34:08
  the
• 34:09
  absolute
• 34:09
  first
• 34:09
  place
• 34:10
  to
• 34:10
  start.
• 34:10
  That's
• 34:10
  no
• 34:11
  lie.
• 34:11
  And
• 34:11
  just
• 34:12
  being
• 34:12
  aware,
• 34:12
  you
• 34:13
  know,
• 34:13
  I've
• 34:14
  had
• 34:14
  people
• 34:14
  say,
• 34:14
  oh,
• 34:14
  awareness
• 34:15
  is
• 34:15
  the
• 34:15
  key.
• 34:16
  Well,
• 34:16
  awareness
• 34:17
  is
• 34:17
  the
• 34:17
  key,
• 34:17
  but
• 34:17
  then
• 34:17
  you
• 34:17
  still
• 34:18
  have
• 34:18
  to
• 34:18
  take
• 34:18
  action.
• 34:19
  So
• 34:20
  awareness
• 34:21
  is
• 34:21
  step
• 34:21
  one,
• 34:22
  recognizing.
• 34:23
  Then
• 34:23
  you've
• 34:23
  got
• 34:23
  to
• 34:24
  go
• 34:24
  through
• 34:24
  the
• 34:24
  process
• 34:24
  of
• 34:25
  feeling
• 34:25
  it
• 34:25
  all,
• 34:26
  you
• 34:26
  know,
• 34:26
  and
• 34:26
  that's.
• 34:27
  And
• 34:27
  that's
• 34:28
  very
• 34:28
  painful.
• 34:28
  If
• 34:29
  you've
• 34:29
  had
• 34:29
  a
• 34:29
  lifetime
• 34:30
  where
• 34:30
  you've
• 34:30
  been
• 34:31
  the
• 34:31
  victim
• 34:32
  of
• 34:32
  abuse,
• 34:33
  narcissistic
• 34:34
  abuse,
• 34:34
  you
• 34:34
  know,
• 34:35
  recognizing
• 34:35
  and
• 34:36
  uncovering
• 34:36
  that,
• 34:37
  it's
• 34:37
  a.
• 34:37
  It's
• 34:37
  a
• 34:37
  betrayal.
• 34:38
  Particularly
• 34:39
  if
• 34:39
  it
• 34:39
  was
• 34:39
  your
• 34:40
  mother,
• 34:40
  your
• 34:40
  father,
• 34:41
  someone
• 34:41
  who
• 34:41
  you
• 34:41
  thought
• 34:42
  was.
• 34:43
  Someone
• 34:43
  that
• 34:43
  you
• 34:43
  thought
• 34:43
  you
• 34:43
  could
• 34:44
  trust,
• 34:44
  they
• 34:44
  were
• 34:44
  actually
• 34:44
  stabbing
• 34:45
  a
• 34:45
  knife
• 34:45
  in
• 34:45
  your
• 34:45
  back.
• 34:47
  Right.
• 34:48
  So
• 34:48
  what
• 34:48
  would
• 34:48
  you
• 34:48
  give
• 34:49
  if
• 34:49
  you
• 34:49
  had
• 34:49
  to
• 34:49
  give?
• 34:50
  Maybe
• 34:50
  a
• 34:50
  couple.
• 34:51
  Because
• 34:52
  it
• 34:52
  seems
• 34:52
  like
• 34:52
  the
• 34:52
  conversation
• 34:53
  went
• 34:53
  completely
• 34:54
  to
• 34:54
  narcissism,
• 34:55
  which
• 34:56
  is
• 34:56
  fine.
• 34:56
  I
• 34:56
  mean,
• 34:56
  that's
• 34:57
  fine
• 34:57
  because
• 34:57
  so
• 34:58
  many
• 34:58
  people
• 34:58
  are
• 34:58
  dealing
• 34:58
  with
• 34:58
  it.
• 34:59
  What
• 35:00
  are
• 35:00
  some,
• 35:00
  like,
• 35:01
  quick
• 35:01
  red
• 35:01
  flags
• 35:02
  for
• 35:02
  people
• 35:03
  if
• 35:03
  they're
• 35:03
  questioning
• 35:04
  if
• 35:04
  that's
• 35:05
  what's
• 35:05
  wrong
• 35:05
  or
• 35:05
  what's
• 35:06
  going
• 35:06
  on
• 35:06
  or
• 35:06
  the
• 35:07
  relationship
• 35:07
  they're
• 35:07
  in?
• 35:10
  I
• 35:10
  think
• 35:10
  it's
• 35:11
  about
• 35:11
  recognizing,
• 35:12
  like,
• 35:12
  how
• 35:12
  do
• 35:12
  you
• 35:13
  feel
• 35:13
  around
• 35:13
  this
• 35:13
  person?
• 35:15
  I
• 35:15
  think
• 35:15
  narcissists,
• 35:16
  they
• 35:16
  kind
• 35:17
  of
• 35:17
  suck
• 35:17
  your
• 35:17
  energy.
• 35:19
  They
• 35:19
  make
• 35:19
  everything
• 35:20
  about
• 35:21
  them
• 35:22
  in
• 35:22
  one
• 35:23
  way
• 35:23
  or
• 35:23
  another.
• 35:24
  So
• 35:24
  if
• 35:24
  you
• 35:25
  have.
• 35:25
  If
• 35:25
  you're
• 35:25
  around
• 35:26
  someone
• 35:26
  who's
• 35:27
  telling
• 35:27
  you
• 35:27
  that
• 35:27
  you're
• 35:28
  too
• 35:28
  much,
• 35:28
  that
• 35:28
  you're
• 35:28
  too
• 35:29
  sensitive,
• 35:29
  they're
• 35:30
  invalidating
• 35:30
  your
• 35:31
  feelings,
• 35:31
  and
• 35:32
  you
• 35:32
  just
• 35:32
  feel
• 35:33
  like
• 35:33
  after
• 35:33
  you've
• 35:33
  had
• 35:33
  a
• 35:34
  conversation
• 35:34
  with
• 35:34
  them
• 35:35
  that
• 35:35
  was
• 35:35
  just,
• 35:35
  like,
• 35:36
  paper
• 35:36
  thin,
• 35:36
  that
• 35:37
  didn't
• 35:37
  go
• 35:37
  beyond
• 35:37
  the
• 35:38
  surface,
• 35:39
  and
• 35:39
  that
• 35:39
  was
• 35:39
  all
• 35:39
  about
• 35:40
  them,
• 35:40
  all
• 35:40
  about,
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  know,
• 35:41
  soothing
• 35:42
  their
• 35:42
  curiosity
• 35:43
  and
• 35:43
  their
• 35:43
  anxiety.
• 35:44
  Then,
• 35:45
  you
• 35:45
  know,
• 35:45
  there
• 35:45
  are
• 35:45
  some
• 35:45
  questions.
• 35:47
  I
• 35:47
  think
• 35:47
  it's
• 35:48
  important
• 35:48
  to
• 35:48
  ask
• 35:48
  yourself
• 35:49
  some
• 35:49
  questions
• 35:49
  to
• 35:50
  see
• 35:50
  whether
• 35:50
  that
• 35:50
  relationship
• 35:51
  is
• 35:51
  serving
• 35:52
  you,
• 35:53
  and
• 35:53
  you
• 35:54
  don't
• 35:54
  have
• 35:54
  to
• 35:55
  kind
• 35:55
  of
• 35:55
  figure
• 35:55
  out
• 35:56
  if
• 35:56
  they're
• 35:56
  a
• 35:56
  narcissist.
• 35:57
  But,
• 35:57
  you
• 35:57
  know,
• 35:57
  even.
• 35:58
  Even
• 35:58
  if
• 35:58
  they're
• 35:59
  just
• 35:59
  sucking
• 36:00
  you
• 36:00
  dry
• 36:00
  like
• 36:01
  that,
• 36:01
  I
• 36:01
  think
• 36:01
  you're
• 36:01
  entitled
• 36:02
  to
• 36:03
  create
• 36:03
  some
• 36:03
  space.
• 36:04
  Even
• 36:04
  if
• 36:04
  it's
• 36:05
  not
• 36:05
  going
• 36:05
  contact,
• 36:06
  you
• 36:06
  know,
• 36:06
  going
• 36:07
  no
• 36:07
  contact.
• 36:08
  I
• 36:08
  mean,
• 36:08
  just
• 36:09
  say
• 36:09
  that
• 36:09
  you'll
• 36:10
  talk
• 36:10
  to.
• 36:10
  Talk
• 36:10
  to
• 36:11
  the
• 36:11
  person
• 36:11
  once
• 36:11
  every
• 36:12
  once
• 36:12
  in
• 36:12
  a
• 36:12
  blue
• 36:13
  moon
• 36:13
  or
• 36:13
  whatever.
• 36:14
  You
• 36:14
  don't
• 36:14
  have
• 36:14
  to.
• 36:15
  Don't.
• 36:15
  You
• 36:15
  shouldn't
• 36:15
  feel
• 36:15
  obligated
• 36:16
  to
• 36:16
  talk
• 36:16
  to
• 36:17
  someone
• 36:17
  once
• 36:18
  a
• 36:18
  week
• 36:18
  or
• 36:18
  once
• 36:18
  a
• 36:19
  day
• 36:19
  or
• 36:19
  once
• 36:19
  or
• 36:20
  whatever
• 36:20
  they
• 36:20
  want
• 36:20
  just
• 36:21
  to.
• 36:21
  Just
• 36:21
  to
• 36:21
  make
• 36:21
  them
• 36:22
  feel
• 36:22
  better.
• 36:23
  So
• 36:24
  it's
• 36:24
  really
• 36:25
  checking
• 36:25
  into
• 36:25
  how
• 36:26
  you're
• 36:26
  feeling
• 36:26
  when
• 36:27
  you're
• 36:27
  around
• 36:27
  them
• 36:28
  and,
• 36:29
  you
• 36:29
  know,
• 36:29
  just.
• 36:29
  Just
• 36:30
  become
• 36:30
  aware
• 36:30
  about
• 36:31
  narcissism,
• 36:31
  aware
• 36:31
  of
• 36:32
  narcissism,
• 36:32
  and
• 36:33
  also
• 36:33
  the
• 36:33
  more
• 36:33
  subtle
• 36:34
  forms
• 36:34
  of
• 36:34
  narcissism,
• 36:35
  like
• 36:35
  covert
• 36:36
  narcissism.
• 36:37
  Because
• 36:38
  I
• 36:38
  knew
• 36:39
  all
• 36:39
  about
• 36:39
  narcissism,
• 36:40
  but
• 36:40
  I
• 36:40
  never
• 36:40
  knew
• 36:41
  my
• 36:41
  mother.
• 36:41
  I
• 36:42
  never
• 36:42
  clocked
• 36:42
  that
• 36:43
  my
• 36:43
  mother
• 36:43
  might
• 36:44
  be
• 36:44
  a
• 36:44
  covert
• 36:44
  narcissist.
• 36:45
  This
• 36:45
  is
• 36:45
  the
• 36:45
  thing
• 36:47
  I'd
• 36:47
  read
• 36:47
  all
• 36:48
  about,
• 36:48
  listened
• 36:48
  to
• 36:49
  podcasts,
• 36:50
  but
• 36:50
  I'd
• 36:50
  never
• 36:50
  clocked
• 36:51
  it.
• 36:51
  I
• 36:51
  always
• 36:51
  thought
• 36:52
  that
• 36:52
  I
• 36:52
  was
• 36:52
  just,
• 36:52
  like,
• 36:53
  exceptionally
• 36:54
  sensitive
• 36:54
  and
• 36:55
  that
• 36:55
  I
• 36:55
  had
• 36:55
  internalized
• 36:56
  all
• 36:56
  this
• 36:56
  stuff
• 36:57
  because.
• 36:58
  Because
• 36:58
  of,
• 36:59
  like,
• 36:59
  emotional
• 36:59
  neglect.
• 37:00
  But
• 37:00
  it
• 37:00
  turns
• 37:00
  out
• 37:01
  there
• 37:01
  was
• 37:01
  something
• 37:02
  more
• 37:02
  insidious
• 37:03
  happening.
• 37:04
  Yeah.
• 37:04
  And,
• 37:05
  yeah,
• 37:06
  I
• 37:06
  think
• 37:06
  the
• 37:07
  recognizing
• 37:07
  that
• 37:08
  was,
• 37:08
  in
• 37:08
  a
• 37:08
  sense,
• 37:09
  was
• 37:09
  very
• 37:09
  painful,
• 37:10
  but
• 37:10
  also,
• 37:11
  in
• 37:11
  a
• 37:12
  way,
• 37:12
  somewhat
• 37:13
  validating
• 37:14
  because
• 37:14
  it
• 37:15
  wasn't
• 37:15
  just
• 37:15
  me
• 37:16
  then.
• 37:16
  It
• 37:16
  was.
• 37:17
  There
• 37:17
  was
• 37:17
  something
• 37:18
  bigger
• 37:18
  going
• 37:18
  on.
• 37:19
  Well,
• 37:20
  and
• 37:20
  I
• 37:20
  think
• 37:20
  in
• 37:20
  general,
• 37:21
  just
• 37:21
  listening
• 37:21
  to
• 37:21
  your
• 37:22
  gut.
• 37:22
  I
• 37:23
  mean,
• 37:23
  so
• 37:23
  many
• 37:23
  people,
• 37:24
  especially
• 37:24
  when
• 37:24
  you
• 37:25
  grew
• 37:25
  up
• 37:25
  in
• 37:25
  chaos
• 37:26
  and
• 37:26
  being
• 37:27
  mistreated
• 37:27
  and
• 37:28
  neglected,
• 37:28
  you
• 37:29
  were
• 37:29
  taught
• 37:29
  not
• 37:29
  to
• 37:30
  listen
• 37:30
  to
• 37:30
  your
• 37:30
  gut
• 37:30
  instinct
• 37:31
  because
• 37:32
  either.
• 37:32
  Either
• 37:33
  you
• 37:33
  listened
• 37:33
  to
• 37:33
  it
• 37:34
  and
• 37:34
  it
• 37:34
  didn't
• 37:34
  matter
• 37:34
  if
• 37:35
  you
• 37:35
  said
• 37:35
  something,
• 37:35
  you
• 37:36
  were
• 37:36
  shot
• 37:36
  down
• 37:36
  for
• 37:36
  it
• 37:37
  or
• 37:38
  punished
• 37:38
  for
• 37:38
  it.
• 37:39
  But
• 37:39
  I
• 37:39
  think
• 37:40
  once
• 37:40
  you
• 37:41
  become
• 37:41
  an
• 37:41
  adult
• 37:41
  and
• 37:41
  you're
• 37:42
  out
• 37:42
  on
• 37:42
  your
• 37:42
  own,
• 37:42
  I
• 37:42
  think
• 37:42
  that's
• 37:43
  the
• 37:43
  biggest
• 37:43
  piece
• 37:44
  of
• 37:44
  advice
• 37:44
  I
• 37:44
  can
• 37:44
  give
• 37:44
  people,
• 37:45
  is
• 37:45
  if
• 37:46
  it
• 37:46
  doesn't
• 37:46
  feel
• 37:46
  right.
• 37:46
  It's
• 37:47
  not.
• 37:48
  I
• 37:48
  think
• 37:48
  that
• 37:48
  you've
• 37:49
  just
• 37:49
  summed
• 37:49
  it
• 37:49
  up
• 37:50
  exactly.
• 37:51
  It's
• 37:51
  that
• 37:51
  simple.
• 37:52
  If
• 37:52
  it
• 37:52
  doesn't
• 37:52
  feel
• 37:53
  right,
• 37:55
  as
• 37:56
  if
• 37:56
  it's
• 37:56
  true,
• 37:56
  act
• 37:57
  like
• 37:57
  it's
• 37:57
  true.
• 37:58
  Yeah.
• 37:59
  Because
• 37:59
  I.
• 37:59
  Yeah.
• 37:59
  I
• 38:00
  feel
• 38:00
  like
• 38:00
  your
• 38:00
  gut
• 38:00
  instinct
• 38:01
  is
• 38:01
  your
• 38:01
  truth.
• 38:02
  I
• 38:02
  mean,
• 38:02
  it
• 38:02
  is
• 38:03
  absolutely
• 38:04
  your
• 38:04
  truth.
• 38:05
  So.
• 38:06
  Absolutely.
• 38:07
  Well,
• 38:08
  so
• 38:08
  great.
• 38:08
  So
• 38:08
  if
• 38:08
  people.
• 38:09
  I
• 38:09
  know
• 38:09
  you're
• 38:09
  going
• 38:09
  to
• 38:10
  give
• 38:10
  a
• 38:10
  free
• 38:10
  gift,
• 38:10
  and
• 38:11
  I
• 38:11
  will
• 38:11
  put
• 38:11
  that
• 38:11
  in
• 38:11
  the
• 38:12
  show
• 38:12
  notes.
• 38:12
  If
• 38:12
  people
• 38:13
  want
• 38:13
  to
• 38:13
  find
• 38:13
  you,
• 38:14
  just
• 38:14
  real
• 38:14
  quick.
• 38:14
  Everything
• 38:15
  will
• 38:15
  be
• 38:15
  in
• 38:15
  the
• 38:15
  show
• 38:15
  notes,
• 38:16
  but
• 38:16
  what's
• 38:16
  the
• 38:16
  best
• 38:17
  way
• 38:17
  for
• 38:17
  them
• 38:17
  to
• 38:17
  find
• 38:17
  you?
• 38:19
  Check
• 38:19
  me
• 38:19
  out
• 38:19
  on
• 38:19
  Instagram.
• 38:20
  I'm
• 38:21
  just.
• 38:21
  It's
• 38:21
  trauma
• 38:22
  matrix,
• 38:22
  so
• 38:23
  you
• 38:23
  can
• 38:23
  find
• 38:23
  me
• 38:24
  there.
• 38:24
  Okay,
• 38:25
  perfect.
• 38:26
  And
• 38:27
  you're
• 38:27
  not
• 38:27
  off
• 38:27
  the
• 38:27
  hook
• 38:27
  yet,
• 38:28
  so
• 38:28
  if
• 38:29
  you
• 38:29
  had
• 38:29
  to
• 38:29
  leave
• 38:30
  people
• 38:30
  with.
• 38:31
  Well,
• 38:31
  first
• 38:31
  of
• 38:31
  all,
• 38:31
  thank
• 38:32
  you
• 38:32
  so
• 38:32
  much
• 38:32
  for
• 38:32
  coming,
• 38:32
  Emma.
• 38:33
  This
• 38:33
  was
• 38:33
  enlightening.
• 38:35
  And
• 38:35
  I
• 38:35
  could
• 38:35
  probably
• 38:36
  talk
• 38:36
  to
• 38:36
  you
• 38:36
  forever.
• 38:38
  Yeah.
• 38:38
  It's
• 38:38
  so
• 38:38
  good
• 38:38
  to
• 38:39
  talk
• 38:39
  to
• 38:39
  people
• 38:40
  who
• 38:40
  get
• 38:40
  it.
• 38:41
  You
• 38:41
  know,
• 38:43
  it's
• 38:43
  really
• 38:43
  refreshing
• 38:44
  to
• 38:44
  not
• 38:44
  have
• 38:45
  to.
• 38:45
  People
• 38:46
  look
• 38:46
  away.
• 38:46
  They
• 38:47
  don't
• 38:47
  want.
• 38:47
  They
• 38:47
  feel
• 38:47
  uncomfortable.
• 38:48
  And
• 38:48
  to
• 38:49
  be
• 38:49
  able
• 38:49
  to
• 38:49
  look
• 38:49
  someone
• 38:50
  in
• 38:50
  the
• 38:50
  eye
• 38:50
  and
• 38:50
  talk
• 38:50
  about
• 38:51
  this
• 38:51
  stuff,
• 38:52
  it's
• 38:52
  really.
• 38:53
  It's
• 38:53
  really
• 38:53
  nice.
• 38:54
  Yeah.
• 38:55
  I
• 38:55
  appreciate
• 38:55
  that,
• 38:56
  too.
• 38:56
  Agreed.
• 38:57
  Agreed.
• 38:58
  And
• 38:58
  hopefully
• 38:58
  that's
• 38:59
  what
• 38:59
  this
• 38:59
  podcast
• 39:00
  is
• 39:00
  doing,
• 39:00
  because
• 39:00
  I
• 39:00
  hope
• 39:01
  people
• 39:01
  are
• 39:01
  listening
• 39:01
  and
• 39:02
  feeling.
• 39:02
  I
• 39:02
  do
• 39:02
  have
• 39:02
  people
• 39:03
  reach
• 39:03
  out
• 39:03
  to
• 39:03
  me
• 39:04
  after
• 39:04
  the
• 39:04
  podcast
• 39:05
  personally
• 39:05
  and
• 39:05
  be
• 39:06
  like,
• 39:06
  wow,
• 39:06
  like,
• 39:07
  you
• 39:07
  guys
• 39:08
  hit
• 39:08
  the
• 39:08
  nail
• 39:08
  right
• 39:08
  on
• 39:08
  the
• 39:09
  head,
• 39:09
  like,
• 39:10
  what's
• 39:10
  my
• 39:10
  next
• 39:10
  step?
• 39:11
  You
• 39:11
  know?
• 39:11
  And
• 39:11
  that's
• 39:11
  really
• 39:12
  what
• 39:12
  we're
• 39:12
  trying
• 39:12
  to
• 39:12
  do,
• 39:13
  is
• 39:13
  share
• 39:13
  the
• 39:13
  information
• 39:14
  and
• 39:15
  help
• 39:15
  people
• 39:15
  become
• 39:16
  aware,
• 39:16
  because
• 39:17
  so
• 39:17
  many
• 39:17
  people,
• 39:17
  this
• 39:18
  is
• 39:18
  their
• 39:18
  norm.
• 39:19
  They
• 39:19
  grew
• 39:19
  up
• 39:19
  that
• 39:20
  way,
• 39:20
  and
• 39:20
  they
• 39:20
  have
• 39:20
  no
• 39:20
  idea
• 39:21
  that
• 39:21
  a
• 39:21
  better
• 39:21
  life
• 39:22
  and
• 39:22
  a
• 39:22
  happier
• 39:22
  life
• 39:22
  and
• 39:23
  a
• 39:23
  life
• 39:23
  with
• 39:24
  boundaries
• 39:24
  and
• 39:24
  a
• 39:24
  life
• 39:25
  with
• 39:25
  being
• 39:26
  yourself
• 39:26
  is
• 39:26
  even
• 39:27
  out
• 39:27
  there.
• 39:28
  Yeah.
• 39:28
  Putting
• 39:29
  yourself
• 39:29
  first,
• 39:30
  I
• 39:30
  think
• 39:30
  that's
• 39:30
  really
• 39:31
  the
• 39:31
  key.
• 39:32
  Not.
• 39:32
  It's
• 39:32
  not
• 39:33
  all
• 39:33
  about
• 39:34
  what
• 39:34
  someone
• 39:34
  else
• 39:35
  feels
• 39:35
  or
• 39:35
  what
• 39:36
  someone
• 39:36
  else
• 39:37
  wants.
• 39:37
  Living
• 39:37
  your
• 39:38
  life
• 39:38
  for
• 39:38
  you,
• 39:38
  your
• 39:38
  own
• 39:39
  terms
• 39:39
  and
• 39:39
  being
• 39:40
  your.
• 39:40
  Being
• 39:40
  your
• 39:41
  true
• 39:41
  identity.
• 39:42
  Because
• 39:42
  when
• 39:42
  we're
• 39:43
  in
• 39:43
  a
• 39:43
  narcissistic
• 39:44
  system
• 39:44
  that
• 39:44
  is
• 39:44
  not
• 39:44
  allowed.
• 39:45
  You
• 39:46
  have
• 39:46
  to
• 39:46
  play
• 39:46
  the
• 39:47
  role.
• 39:47
  You
• 39:47
  have
• 39:47
  to
• 39:47
  do
• 39:48
  the
• 39:48
  thing
• 39:48
  that
• 39:49
  the
• 39:49
  system
• 39:50
  wants
• 39:50
  you
• 39:50
  to
• 39:50
  do.
• 39:51
  And
• 39:52
  it's
• 39:52
  not,
• 39:52
  in
• 39:52
  a
• 39:52
  sense,
• 39:53
  it's
• 39:53
  not
• 39:53
  personal.
• 39:54
  That's
• 39:54
  not
• 39:54
  to
• 39:54
  say
• 39:54
  that
• 39:55
  nobody
• 39:55
  holds
• 39:55
  any
• 39:56
  responsibility,
• 39:57
  but
• 39:57
  it's
• 39:57
  a
• 39:57
  systemic
• 39:58
  thing.
• 39:58
  It's
• 39:59
  like
• 39:59
  the
• 39:59
  system
• 40:00
  kind
• 40:00
  of
• 40:00
  operates
• 40:01
  to
• 40:01
  smother
• 40:01
  everyone,
• 40:03
  so.
• 40:04
  Right,
• 40:04
  absolutely.
• 40:06
  So,
• 40:06
  okay,
• 40:06
  so
• 40:07
  I
• 40:07
  said
• 40:07
  you
• 40:07
  weren't
• 40:07
  off
• 40:07
  the
• 40:07
  hook,
• 40:08
  but
• 40:08
  I
• 40:08
  want
• 40:09
  you
• 40:09
  to
• 40:09
  give
• 40:09
  some
• 40:10
  last
• 40:10
  words
• 40:10
  of
• 40:10
  wisdom
• 40:11
  from
• 40:11
  Emma
• 40:11
  Lyons.
• 40:12
  Like,
• 40:12
  what
• 40:12
  if
• 40:13
  you
• 40:13
  could
• 40:13
  give
• 40:13
  people
• 40:13
  one
• 40:14
  either
• 40:14
  tip,
• 40:15
  trick,
• 40:15
  strategy,
• 40:16
  or
• 40:16
  just
• 40:17
  something
• 40:17
  to
• 40:17
  keep
• 40:17
  with
• 40:18
  them
• 40:18
  for
• 40:18
  the
• 40:18
  day,
• 40:18
  what
• 40:19
  would
• 40:19
  it
• 40:19
  be?
• 40:21
  That's
• 40:21
  a
• 40:21
  tricky
• 40:22
  one,
• 40:22
  because
• 40:22
  it's.
• 40:23
  I
• 40:24
  think.
• 40:24
  I
• 40:25
  think
• 40:25
  just
• 40:25
  talk
• 40:25
  about
• 40:26
  this.
• 40:26
  If.
• 40:27
  If
• 40:27
  you're
• 40:27
  resonating
• 40:28
  with
• 40:28
  this,
• 40:29
  it's
• 40:29
  not
• 40:30
  even
• 40:30
  a
• 40:30
  trick.
• 40:31
  It's
• 40:31
  like,
• 40:31
  find
• 40:32
  someone
• 40:32
  to
• 40:32
  talk
• 40:33
  to
• 40:33
  about
• 40:33
  it.
• 40:34
  It's
• 40:35
  not
• 40:35
  a
• 40:35
  trick
• 40:35
  at
• 40:35
  all
• 40:35
  or
• 40:36
  a
• 40:36
  tip.
• 40:36
  It's
• 40:37
  just
• 40:37
  reach
• 40:37
  out
• 40:38
  and
• 40:38
  talk
• 40:38
  to
• 40:38
  someone
• 40:39
  who
• 40:39
  understands.
• 40:40
  It's
• 40:41
  simple.
• 40:41
  Don't
• 40:42
  try
• 40:42
  to
• 40:42
  talk
• 40:42
  to
• 40:42
  your
• 40:42
  friend
• 40:43
  who
• 40:43
  doesn't
• 40:44
  have
• 40:44
  a
• 40:44
  clue
• 40:44
  what's
• 40:44
  going
• 40:45
  on,
• 40:45
  or
• 40:45
  don't
• 40:45
  try
• 40:45
  to
• 40:46
  talk
• 40:46
  to
• 40:46
  your
• 40:46
  family.
• 40:46
  If
• 40:47
  you
• 40:47
  suspect
• 40:47
  this
• 40:47
  in
• 40:48
  your
• 40:48
  family,
• 40:48
  find
• 40:49
  someone
• 40:49
  who
• 40:49
  gets
• 40:50
  it
• 40:50
  and
• 40:50
  have
• 40:50
  a
• 40:51
  conversation
• 40:51
  with
• 40:51
  them,
• 40:52
  because
• 40:53
  then
• 40:54
  you'll
• 40:54
  get
• 40:54
  that
• 40:55
  resonance
• 40:55
  and
• 40:55
  that.
• 40:56
  That
• 40:56
  mirroring
• 40:56
  that
• 40:57
  probably
• 40:58
  you
• 40:58
  may
• 40:58
  never
• 40:58
  have
• 40:59
  gotten
• 40:59
  as
• 40:59
  a
• 40:59
  child.
• 40:59
  I
• 41:00
  know.
• 41:00
  I
• 41:00
  never
• 41:00
  got
• 41:00
  that
• 41:01
  mirroring.
• 41:01
  I
• 41:01
  never
• 41:01
  got
• 41:02
  my
• 41:02
  feelings
• 41:02
  mirrored
• 41:03
  back
• 41:03
  to
• 41:03
  me.
• 41:04
  So
• 41:05
  find
• 41:05
  someone
• 41:06
  who
• 41:06
  can
• 41:06
  be
• 41:06
  that
• 41:06
  mirror
• 41:07
  for
• 41:07
  you
• 41:07
  and
• 41:08
  be
• 41:08
  really
• 41:09
  discerning
• 41:09
  about
• 41:09
  who
• 41:10
  you
• 41:10
  share
• 41:10
  it
• 41:10
  with,
• 41:10
  because.
• 41:11
  A
• 41:11
  lot
• 41:11
  of
• 41:11
  people
• 41:12
  can't
• 41:12
  handle
• 41:12
  it
• 41:14
  now.
• 41:14
  And
• 41:14
  the
• 41:14
  mirroring
• 41:15
  is
• 41:15
  super,
• 41:16
  super
• 41:16
  important
• 41:16
  and
• 41:17
  beneficial.
• 41:18
  And
• 41:18
  yes,
• 41:19
  I
• 41:19
  tell
• 41:19
  people
• 41:20
  when
• 41:20
  you
• 41:20
  choose
• 41:20
  a
• 41:20
  therapist,
• 41:21
  a
• 41:21
  coach,
• 41:21
  a
• 41:21
  counselor,
• 41:22
  whatever
• 41:23
  it
• 41:23
  is,
• 41:23
  even
• 41:23
  a
• 41:24
  group
• 41:24
  that
• 41:24
  you're
• 41:24
  in.
• 41:26
  Find
• 41:26
  someone
• 41:27
  who
• 41:27
  has
• 41:27
  been
• 41:27
  through
• 41:27
  what
• 41:28
  you've
• 41:28
  been,
• 41:29
  that
• 41:29
  has.
• 41:29
  That
• 41:30
  has
• 41:30
  that
• 41:30
  compassion
• 41:31
  and
• 41:31
  that
• 41:31
  has
• 41:31
  the
• 41:31
  empathy
• 41:32
  and
• 41:32
  the
• 41:32
  understanding.
• 41:33
  Because
• 41:33
  it's
• 41:34
  like
• 41:34
  if
• 41:34
  you
• 41:34
  talk
• 41:34
  to
• 41:35
  people
• 41:35
  about,
• 41:35
  you
• 41:36
  know,
• 41:36
  if
• 41:36
  I
• 41:36
  go
• 41:36
  to
• 41:36
  therapists
• 41:37
  and
• 41:37
  talk
• 41:37
  about
• 41:37
  my
• 41:38
  life
• 41:38
  and
• 41:38
  she's
• 41:39
  asking
• 41:39
  me
• 41:39
  questions
• 41:39
  and
• 41:40
  she
• 41:40
  didn't
• 41:41
  grow
• 41:41
  up
• 41:41
  with
• 41:41
  two
• 41:41
  alcoholic
• 41:42
  parents.
• 41:43
  She
• 41:43
  has
• 41:43
  no
• 41:44
  clue.
• 41:44
  I
• 41:44
  mean,
• 41:44
  she
• 41:44
  only
• 41:44
  has
• 41:45
  textbook
• 41:45
  knowledge.
• 41:46
  Yeah,
• 41:47
  exactly.
• 41:47
  That's
• 41:48
  the
• 41:48
  difference.
• 41:49
  Yeah.
• 41:50
  Lived
• 41:50
  experience.
• 41:50
  Coaching
• 41:51
  and
• 41:51
  therapy
• 41:52
  is
• 41:52
  a
• 41:53
  hundred
• 41:53
  percent
• 41:54
  different.
• 41:56
  Of
• 41:56
  course
• 41:56
  you
• 41:56
  don't.
• 41:57
  Yeah.
• 41:58
  You
• 41:58
  also
• 41:58
  don't
• 41:59
  want
• 41:59
  to
• 41:59
  go
• 41:59
  to
• 41:59
  someone
• 41:59
  that
• 42:00
  has
• 42:00
  been
• 42:00
  on
• 42:00
  this
• 42:00
  process
• 42:01
  for
• 42:01
  like,
• 42:01
  six
• 42:01
  months
• 42:03
  because
• 42:03
  you
• 42:04
  want
• 42:04
  to
• 42:04
  be.
• 42:04
  You
• 42:04
  know
• 42:04
  what
• 42:05
  I
• 42:05
  mean?
• 42:05
  Because
• 42:06
  it
• 42:06
  can
• 42:06
  actually
• 42:06
  be
• 42:07
  more
• 42:07
  traumatizing
• 42:09
  if
• 42:09
  you
• 42:10
  go
• 42:10
  to
• 42:10
  someone
• 42:10
  and
• 42:10
  they've
• 42:11
  just
• 42:11
  been
• 42:11
  like,
• 42:11
  just
• 42:12
  now,
• 42:12
  you
• 42:12
  know,
• 42:13
  I
• 42:13
  mean,
• 42:13
  starting
• 42:13
  on
• 42:14
  their
• 42:14
  own
• 42:14
  journey.
• 42:14
  Because
• 42:15
  you
• 42:15
  want
• 42:15
  to
• 42:16
  feel
• 42:16
  safe,
• 42:16
  and
• 42:16
  that's
• 42:17
  the
• 42:17
  most
• 42:17
  important
• 42:17
  thing,
• 42:18
  is
• 42:18
  that
• 42:18
  you
• 42:18
  feel
• 42:18
  safe
• 42:19
  and
• 42:19
  heard
• 42:19
  and
• 42:19
  validated,
• 42:20
  but
• 42:20
  you
• 42:20
  also
• 42:21
  want
• 42:21
  to
• 42:21
  be,
• 42:21
  you
• 42:21
  know,
• 42:21
  if
• 42:21
  you're
• 42:22
  going
• 42:22
  to
• 42:22
  go
• 42:22
  to
• 42:22
  someone
• 42:22
  that's
• 42:23
  going
• 42:23
  to
• 42:23
  dig
• 42:23
  up
• 42:23
  all
• 42:23
  this
• 42:24
  stuff,
• 42:24
  I
• 42:24
  mean,
• 42:24
  it's.
• 42:25
  It's
• 42:25
  not
• 42:25
  easy
• 42:26
  always.
• 42:27
  And
• 42:27
  you.
• 42:28
  You
• 42:28
  want
• 42:29
  someone
• 42:29
  that
• 42:29
  is
• 42:29
  grounded
• 42:30
  enough.
• 42:30
  Yeah,
• 42:31
  yeah.
• 42:31
  Because
• 42:32
  I
• 42:32
  think
• 42:32
  a
• 42:32
  lot
• 42:32
  of
• 42:33
  people,
• 42:33
  disinformation
• 42:34
  comes
• 42:34
  up
• 42:34
  or
• 42:35
  they
• 42:35
  have
• 42:35
  this
• 42:35
  arena
• 42:36
  and
• 42:36
  then
• 42:36
  they
• 42:36
  get
• 42:36
  very
• 42:36
  destabilized
• 42:37
  and
• 42:38
  they're
• 42:38
  grasping
• 42:39
  for
• 42:39
  validation
• 42:40
  here,
• 42:40
  there,
• 42:40
  and
• 42:40
  everywhere.
• 42:41
  I've
• 42:41
  definitely
• 42:41
  seen
• 42:42
  that
• 42:42
  in
• 42:42
  other
• 42:42
  people.
• 42:43
  But,
• 42:43
  yeah,
• 42:44
  everything.
• 42:44
  You
• 42:45
  can
• 42:45
  find
• 42:45
  it
• 42:45
  all
• 42:46
  inside
• 42:46
  yourself.
• 42:46
  But
• 42:47
  find
• 42:47
  them.
• 42:47
  Find
• 42:48
  the
• 42:48
  mirror
• 42:49
  that
• 42:49
  works
• 42:49
  for
• 42:49
  you,
• 42:50
  whether
• 42:50
  it
• 42:50
  be
• 42:50
  a
• 42:50
  therapist
• 42:51
  or
• 42:51
  coach,
• 42:51
  someone,
• 42:51
  your
• 42:52
  gut
• 42:52
  will
• 42:52
  tell
• 42:52
  you
• 42:53
  who's
• 42:53
  the
• 42:53
  right
• 42:53
  person.
• 42:55
  Yep.
• 42:55
  I
• 42:55
  remember
• 42:56
  my
• 42:56
  very
• 42:56
  first
• 42:56
  client.
• 42:57
  She
• 42:57
  said
• 42:57
  to
• 42:57
  me,
• 42:57
  I've
• 42:58
  been
• 42:58
  going
• 42:58
  to
• 42:58
  therapy
• 42:58
  for
• 42:58
  11
• 42:59
  years.
• 42:59
  $110
• 43:00
  a
• 43:01
  week
• 43:01
  for
• 43:01
  11
• 43:01
  years.
• 43:02
  And
• 43:02
  in
• 43:02
  18
• 43:03
  minutes,
• 43:03
  you
• 43:03
  told
• 43:03
  me
• 43:04
  more
• 43:04
  about
• 43:04
  why
• 43:04
  I
• 43:04
  was
• 43:05
  the
• 43:05
  way
• 43:05
  I
• 43:05
  was.
• 43:05
  And
• 43:05
  one
• 43:06
  little
• 43:06
  thing
• 43:06
  I
• 43:06
  could
• 43:06
  do
• 43:07
  that
• 43:07
  will
• 43:07
  change
• 43:07
  my
• 43:07
  life.
• 43:08
  And
• 43:08
  I
• 43:08
  said,
• 43:08
  girl,
• 43:08
  I
• 43:08
  was
• 43:09
  you.
• 43:10
  Yeah.
• 43:11
  I
• 43:11
  was
• 43:12
  like,
• 43:12
  it's
• 43:12
  that
• 43:13
  simple.
• 43:14
  So.
• 43:15
  Well,
• 43:15
  thank
• 43:15
  you
• 43:15
  so
• 43:16
  much,
• 43:16
  Emma,
• 43:16
  for
• 43:16
  coming.
• 43:16
  I
• 43:17
  really
• 43:17
  appreciate
• 43:17
  it.
• 43:18
  Yeah,
• 43:19
  thank
• 43:19
  you
• 43:19
  so
• 43:19
  much,
• 43:19
  Tommy.
• 43:20
  Great
• 43:20
  to
• 43:20
  be
• 43:20
  in
• 43:21
  your
• 43:21
  world.
• 43:21
  Thank
• 43:21
  you.
• 43:22
  Oh,
• 43:22
  thank
• 43:22
  you.
• 43:22
  And
• 43:23
  for
• 43:23
  everybody
• 43:23
  else
• 43:23
  out
• 43:23
  there
• 43:24
  listening,
• 43:25
  you
• 43:25
  can
• 43:25
  go
• 43:25
  to
• 43:26
  the
• 43:26
  show
• 43:26
  notes,
• 43:26
  grab
• 43:27
  the
• 43:27
  little
• 43:27
  freebie,
• 43:28
  all
• 43:28
  the
• 43:28
  information
• 43:29
  you
• 43:29
  can
• 43:29
  get,
• 43:29
  and
• 43:30
  find
• 43:30
  someone
• 43:31
  to
• 43:31
  talk
• 43:31
  to,
• 43:31
  to
• 43:31
  open
• 43:32
  up
• 43:32
  with,
• 43:32
  to
• 43:32
  share
• 43:33
  your
• 43:33
  heart,
• 43:33
  share
• 43:33
  your
• 43:34
  soul.
• 43:34
  You
• 43:34
  will
• 43:35
  feel
• 43:35
  so,
• 43:36
  so
• 43:36
  much
• 43:36
  better.
• 43:37
  Thank
• 43:37
  you
• 43:37
  so
• 43:38
  much.
• 43:38
  And
• 43:38
  you
• 43:38
  guys
• 43:38
  have
• 43:38
  a
• 43:38
  blessed
• 43:39
  day.