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Transcript

S3 E6 - A Family Thanksgiving · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve's mom's house, that is.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:21
SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you, Johnny and Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Isn't it great to be back?
0:24
SPEAKER_02: Great to be back in the studio.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: Things are kind of getting back to normal now.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you're right.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: And you know how important it is for me to feel regular.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's been probably a number of weeks since I have felt that way.
0:36
SPEAKER_02: Since you've been regular, yeah.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Since I've been regular, so it feels great.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: And uh plus it's Thanksgiving and I love that holiday.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: Who who doesn't like Thanksgiving?
0:46
SPEAKER_02: It's a beautiful day, it's a great time, you know.
0:48
SPEAKER_02: It was always when I was a kid, it was always my favorite holiday.
0:51
SPEAKER_02: You get to eat until like you're literally sick, you literally can't stand up.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: You get to eat all that, then you you get to turn on the TV and you watch the Premier League soccer all day.
1:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's just it's it's so beautiful.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: That's I guess pretty much what everybody does.
1:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you have you have some plans for the for the holiday there, Jeff?
1:07
SPEAKER_00: We always end up getting together with Kathy's family.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: I think I've told you before, they're big hunters.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, and so every year they actually shoot their own turkey and her mom prepares it and and we have a wonderful dinner, but this year Kathy's not feeling well, so we're we're not gonna be going.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: Something about the way you said shoot turkey uh made me think of like narcotics abuse.
1:30
SPEAKER_02: I don't know why, but I digress.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
1:32
SPEAKER_02: So her dad is got to be pretty old.
1:34
SPEAKER_02: I mean, he's out there hunting and chasing wild turkey.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: I know they hunt, they don't not a lot of gatherers in the family, but a lot of hunters, right?
1:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, they'll hunt for wild turkeys.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: Can he do that at his age?
1:45
SPEAKER_02: I mean, is he in good enough health to do that?
1:47
SPEAKER_00: He's in really good shape, and every year, you know, we're not irresponsible.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: Every year we take him to the doctor for a full checkup, and we do that right before, you know, he goes hunting.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: And and this year it was a little different because his doctor actually passed away recently.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Um he had been his doctor for like 50 years, and they said it was natural causes.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: I know recently I went to go see him, and he just seemed a little off, a little depressed.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: He was never real good at tying knots, you know, with his tie.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: And so I think maybe something may have gone wrong.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, anyways, they have a new doctor.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, and the new doctor's working out for him.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: How's it going?
2:27
SPEAKER_00: Good.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: His name's Dr.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: House.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and he was like I've heard of him, yeah.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: And he was amazed at what what good a shape Tom Kathy's dad is in.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: And uh his first question was, How do you attribute you know all this good health?
2:40
SPEAKER_00: Kathy's dad said, Well, I think by hunting, you know, for turkeys it actually keeps me in good shape.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, I run around and and we shoot them and it it makes it keeps me young.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: And the doctor said, I get it.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: That's you know, that's a good thing, but usually there's more to it than that.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, you have to have good genes or whatever.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, how old was your dad when he died?
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Kathy's dad said, Who said my dad is dead?
3:05
SPEAKER_00: And Dr.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: House was like, You gotta be kidding me.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: He says, You're you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: How how old is your dad?
3:14
SPEAKER_00: And uh he said these 100 years old.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: People live a long time in in Kathy's family.
3:19
SPEAKER_02: And I guess, you know, I guess something about something about the the graphite, maybe and the shooting the turkeys, maybe I don't know, it's life giving somehow.
3:28
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
3:28
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
3:29
SPEAKER_02: Or or the beer.
3:30
SPEAKER_02: Or the beer.
3:30
SPEAKER_02: Well, it might be the beer.
3:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, it'd be the beer.
3:32
SPEAKER_02: And the beer kind of balances the graphite.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: So so, anyways, and he said, uh, Tom said, and actually, my dad was is gonna go hunting with us for turkeys as well.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: And the doctor's like, You gotta be kidding, you're a hundred years old, and and he's gonna go with you.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: Now, now, how old was his father?
3:51
SPEAKER_00: How old was your grandfather?
3:53
SPEAKER_00: When he died, right?
3:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when he died, and Kathy's dad said, What do you mean my grandpa is dead?
3:58
SPEAKER_00: My grandpa's still alive.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: And the doctor's like, Oh, wait a minute, these numbers don't add up.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: How old is this guy?
4:05
SPEAKER_00: And he says he's 118.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: And the doctor just looked at him and he's like, I you know, I I'm not saying I don't believe the story, but you know, so is he gonna go hunting with you too?
4:17
SPEAKER_00: And and Tom said, No, grandpa can't go because he's getting married.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: And and and then Dr.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: House said, Getting married at 118 years old, who would want to get married?
4:28
SPEAKER_00: And Tom said, Who said he wanted to?
4:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, so Jeff Jeff, that is that is quite a story, you know.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: Speaking of age, I'm I'm old enough to remember when you began that story.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: Right, I think that was on Thanksgiving.
4:40
SPEAKER_02: And uh little toddler I think I gotta get to bed because Santa's coming here in a few minutes.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: That was quite the quite the story here, but I'm kind of with the doctor.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't have believed it myself if I didn't know that you know, with my mom.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: I mean, she had a baby in her 90s, right?
4:56
SPEAKER_02: That is true.
4:57
SPEAKER_02: That is true.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: You know, no a lot of people didn't believe that.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: You're absolutely right.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: And and it's been a while since I've seen your mom and and little Stevie, you know, and that's funny because you know, her dad was my uh is my dad, well your faux dad or my faux dad or Kathy's great grandfather, you know, probably one or the other.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: Could be could be the same guy.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: I mean, could be we we don't know, we don't know.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: But you know, Jeff, I'm so glad you said that because right here in the studio tonight, you know, this being Thanksgiving, and of course, this this show is actually gonna it's gonna air a couple days after Thanksgiving, so because we can't actually have the Thanksgiving festivities when it's not Thanksgiving.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: See, we like we like reality on the show.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna we're not fake media like so much of that stuff out there.
5:44
SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna pretend we're not gonna pretend it's Thanksgiving.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, right.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
5:48
SPEAKER_02: We wait for the real Thanksgiving, and then you get to watch it, you know, a couple days later.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: But but I digress.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: It takes a guy who comes from the future to understand exactly how time works.
5:59
SPEAKER_02: Because you know, in the future, people won't like it that you pretend, you know, you have a Thanksgiving show on Thanksgiving and everybody's no, no, no, this isn't live.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: Come on, no, people won't like that.
6:09
SPEAKER_02: So we gotta you know we gotta start start doing it the right way.
6:12
SPEAKER_02: And you know, I'm so glad you said that though, because we're gonna have a little Thanksgiving festivity here tonight, you know, and and it's not only Thanksgiving, it's also little Stevie's birthday is coming up too.
6:24
SPEAKER_02: I know, you know.
6:25
SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh, Thanksgiving's just an amazing time.
6:27
SPEAKER_02: I mean, my mom always was known for her stuffing, and I guess here we go.
6:31
SPEAKER_02: That's yeah, but uh you know, there's a lot to be grateful for.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: And Miss Claire, in fact, offered to do all the cooking, which I thought was I thought was very nice of her.
6:39
SPEAKER_02: And she's got all this food here.
6:41
SPEAKER_02: And you're welcome to join us, Jeff.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: Please join us.
6:44
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna bring my mom here in a minute.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I Steve, if it I don't want to offend Miss Claire, but maybe I'll wait for the leftovers.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Just you know, give it a few hours after you guys have eaten, just kind of see what happens.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: And uh to be honest, I I looked over there at the table and it looks like there's maybe a turkey, but it doesn't look like a turkey, and whatever it is, it's attached to a glue trap and looks like it's still moving.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you know, you know, maybe maybe I'll just head over to Denny's and and grab something, you know, when we're done.
7:14
SPEAKER_02: Oh, those exterminators, boy, they they never they never finish, do they?
7:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, it's unbelievable.
7:20
SPEAKER_02: But but I digress here.
7:22
SPEAKER_02: So why don't we just bring on my mom and little Stevie?
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Well, Steve, I wish we had time for it, but I I guess the show's well that joke.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: I guess I guess we do that joke.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: That joke took it.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: So you know, come on in, mom.
7:36
SPEAKER_02: Come on in, bring little Stevie, come on in, mom.
7:39
SPEAKER_04: Oh, sorry, it's Stevie.
7:41
SPEAKER_04: I I I I little Stevie's in the lobby.
7:44
SPEAKER_04: I wanted to make sure that the crock pot that I had the crock pot of your stuffing.
7:47
SPEAKER_04: I had to bring it in today.
7:49
SPEAKER_04: So I had Johnny grab the kid.
7:52
SPEAKER_04: He's he's got her, he's she's fine, she's fine.
7:54
SPEAKER_04: You left it's fine, she'll be in in a minute.
7:56
SPEAKER_04: But I yeah, I didn't want something to happen to the stuffing.
7:59
SPEAKER_04: I wanted to make sure you got your stuffing on Thanksgiving like you always like.
8:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and that's your oyster stuffing.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, mom, that is so good.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're you're gonna like it.
8:09
SPEAKER_04: It it's been in the crock pot for three days.
8:11
SPEAKER_04: I want to make sure it was properly prepared.
8:14
SPEAKER_04: All the efforts in there, but I took a couple naps along the way when I was putting it together.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, it's tiring work.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: I mean, those oysters are heavy.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I always kind of thought that for Thanksgiving you guys would have like a mac and cheese stuffing, which I thought would be kind of interesting because I know mac and cheese is a big staple.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: Well, they do mac and she's just mac and cheese on the side, right?
8:34
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Stevie's Stevie's got the mac and cheese.
8:37
SPEAKER_04: Stevie's carrying the mac and cheese.
8:39
SPEAKER_04: Come on, that you want it's some the kid doesn't just get to show up.
8:43
SPEAKER_04: Come on, the kid's gotta work, right?
8:45
SPEAKER_04: She's gotta work.
8:46
SPEAKER_04: It's not a large container, she's not very old, but she'll get there.
8:49
SPEAKER_04: It's just a small one.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: I figured the stuffing was really, you know, the star of the holiday.
8:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, start important to start those kids early and really teach them responsibility and and doing the right thing and helping people out.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and Stevie is just adorable.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: Haven't really talked to her for a while, so she's what two, two years, three years, about a year old, just about a year old.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, a year old.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: She's talking, I'm assuming.
9:13
SPEAKER_04: So she makes some noises, she's using some profanity, it's not real appropriate for social settings.
9:19
SPEAKER_04: Donnie, just put her on the floor, just put her on the floor.
9:22
SPEAKER_04: She's fine, she's fine.
9:23
SPEAKER_04: Just just hand me the mac and cheese.
9:25
SPEAKER_04: It's fine.
9:25
SPEAKER_04: She we've she's got the mac and cheese.
9:27
SPEAKER_02: We're fine.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: Well, hi, little Stevie.
9:29
SPEAKER_02: How are you doing?
9:30
SPEAKER_04: Hey, cheating bastard.
9:32
SPEAKER_04: She's not really in the mood for talking.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: She don't say that.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: She that's your brother.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: I guess she's not real happy.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, are those braces that she's wearing?
9:43
SPEAKER_00: It looks like it's kind of wiring her mouth shut.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Is that normal?
9:48
SPEAKER_04: It's just the lighting, it's just the lighting.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: She's fine, she's totally normal.
9:52
SPEAKER_04: Just don't let's not focus on it.
9:53
SPEAKER_04: She's very self-conscious.
9:55
SPEAKER_04: Oh, we're thinking it's genetic problems.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, if you get in a darker room, it's really not so bad.
10:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, just dim the lights here in the studio.
10:03
SPEAKER_02: Hey, mom, I got a whole case of pop off here.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: You want some?
10:06
SPEAKER_02: The vodka of champions.
10:08
SPEAKER_04: Well, I I already have some in my purse.
10:10
SPEAKER_04: I right am I gonna?
10:12
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I guess well, I guess I'll empty some of it out.
10:15
SPEAKER_04: There's always more room.
10:16
SPEAKER_04: There's room.
10:17
SPEAKER_04: Oh, if I don't have to carry Stevie back, if I can get Johnny to carry her, I could take the leftovers with me.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I think there should be some leftovers.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: That's the least Johnny can do is carry is carry little Stevie.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: You know, I gotta ask you, Mom, when he's out of earshot here, is he does he treat you right?
10:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.
10:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I don't know.
10:37
SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
10:38
SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
10:39
SPEAKER_04: It's I I've had better, I've had worse.
10:41
SPEAKER_04: How about that?
10:41
SPEAKER_04: Is that a fair?
10:42
SPEAKER_04: I've had better, I've had worse.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: So and you know, he's probably more involved than frankly, I hate to say it, but probably more involved than my dad was, right?
10:50
SPEAKER_04: It it's fair.
10:51
SPEAKER_04: I I said I'd had worse.
10:53
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so well there's yeah, there we go.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: So I'm having I'm having trouble keeping everybody straight here.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about Steve, your dad, my faux dad, my regular dad, or Johnny, Steve's mom.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: Who are we talking about?
11:09
SPEAKER_04: Wait, right now I was talking about Johnny.
11:11
SPEAKER_04: I thought that we were checking in on my on my situation.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: I well, my dad is and my faux dad.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: I always thought he'd be a great dad eventually, especially when he gets out of prison.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: I mean, in the theory, yes, but in the event, uh, he really hasn't been around, has he, mom?
11:27
SPEAKER_04: He has not, he has not been, which is not a bad thing.
11:31
SPEAKER_04: Sometimes absence and the heart, they they say that all the time.
11:35
SPEAKER_04: They say that all the time, especially around the holidays.
11:38
SPEAKER_04: Like you always hurt the ones you love, like in the the um he always did.
11:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that sounds like he's a great lover, then.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, always loving.
11:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: This is my faux dad, my my regular dad's fine, but you know, maybe he's just used to that whole jail thing as an excuse.
11:53
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, I guess I bet if you went to Stateville and you asked really nice, you said, Hey, I'd like to get away for a few years, said, Yeah, come on in, we'll rent you a room.
12:03
SPEAKER_04: No, it's true.
12:03
SPEAKER_04: It's it's sometimes people just need a little bit of space.
12:07
SPEAKER_04: Otherwise, when you go places, like if when I went to the mart earlier, when I had to get the recipe, like last week for the for the stuffing, was getting all the ingredients, and what was around me?
12:18
SPEAKER_04: What was everywhere?
12:19
SPEAKER_04: People.
12:20
SPEAKER_04: There were people everywhere.
12:21
SPEAKER_04: What did I want?
12:22
SPEAKER_04: No people.
12:23
SPEAKER_04: So maybe prison's not so bad.
12:26
SPEAKER_02: Although there are a lot of people in prison too, unless you're in solitary, maybe you know, maybe you could get yourself in solitary.
12:31
SPEAKER_02: That's that sounds like very therapeutic.
12:33
SPEAKER_04: Now, now you're not thinking about heading to solitary, are you?
12:36
SPEAKER_04: Because I mean, I it's not like I can get in there to deliver the stuffing or the mac and cheese.
12:41
SPEAKER_04: Well, I can't be doing that.
12:43
SPEAKER_02: I mean, as restful as that sounds, it's not gonna work.
12:45
SPEAKER_02: If I had to do without the mac and cheese and and and the pop-off, yeah, I probably won't do that then.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: No, but it sounds wonderful though, doesn't it?
12:53
SPEAKER_00: And you're reminding me that I I guess I probably should do something for my dad as well, for both of my dads.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't really know.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: I do know that my faux dad had not forgotten that it was Stevie's birthday and and got her a couple really nice gifts.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: I've got them out in the car, but it one is a a toy gun.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: I think it's a toy gun, looks very real, but it's I believe it's a toy gun and and got a really good deal on it.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: And another one is a game hangman.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you remember hangman.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
13:23
SPEAKER_04: So she'll love that.
13:25
SPEAKER_04: She'll love it, she'll love it.
13:26
SPEAKER_04: That was that was great.
13:27
SPEAKER_04: That was great.
13:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it getting gifts for I I'll probably try them out, see.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, give I mean well, I'll at least I'll make sure she's old enough before I like turn them over, but like in five, ten years, yeah.
13:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I used to love hangman as a kid.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: I remember playing that as a kid on on Thanksgiving, you know.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: We'd have Thanksgiving off from school, and sometimes it'd be snowing.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: I'd be there playing hangman and you know, gosh, and a toy gun.
13:51
SPEAKER_02: Now, is that the one I think I saw that?
13:53
SPEAKER_02: That's one it's got the detachable clip.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: It's very realistic, very realistic.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: I think Stevie will be old enough to at least play with one that's empty, you know, probably fairly early within the next couple years, you know, yeah, later.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah when you when you load it up with those, they look like rubber bullets, but I'm not sure.
14:12
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I bet she would love it.
14:14
SPEAKER_04: And then, and then you know, I I bet she would not want to stop wearing it.
14:18
SPEAKER_04: It does it have like a holster where she could, you know, we go to the grocery store when she's more mobile and she's she's got it on her waistband, she could, you know, pull it out at any moment and just be real friendly to all those people at the mark.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, bring it to like her therapy sessions, you know, her weekly therapy, you know, where she's learning to control her language, which I know is a goal.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: And but to be honest with you, Stevie is so cute anyway.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: It's just is she in therapy, mom?
14:45
SPEAKER_04: Well, she's I mean, she's we're we're just in pre-therapy, like the assumption is that that that she's gonna need some of it.
14:52
SPEAKER_04: So as long as she needs it, we might as well get started early.
14:55
SPEAKER_04: I mean, if I can get a discount because of the family discount, then I might as well get her on the package.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: Well, and if you start early, she might get into accelerated therapy, like AP therapy.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: You know, who knows?
15:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, as long as there's not testing, there's long as there's not testing that she didn't she didn't do real well with writing yet.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's a lot of times they do standardized tests for that AP stuff.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Do they?
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Well, and I think Stevie Stevie's gonna benefit your dating Johnny.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Johnny really speaks well, you know, that'll help.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure he can he can read too.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: He he can read.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: I my dad can read some things too.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling defensive because you know, I know there's another man in in your life, and I'm trying to accept that, trying to wrap my head around that.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: But maybe I should go for therapy too, you know, like a family therapy thing.
15:42
SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know about you guys.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna grab some of that turkey over there, and I I just miss Claire.
15:46
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for making this.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: This is so hmm.
15:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh man, oh, this is good.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: It tastes I don't know, it tastes gamey.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: It's kind of different.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of good.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, again, I think I'm gonna stay away from that a little bit.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: And and what is that on the side?
16:02
SPEAKER_00: They look like little is it like pellets?
16:05
SPEAKER_00: Are those like beans?
16:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, beans, corn.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: You know, I've noticed you drop water on them and they and they fizz a little bit, so I'm not sure what that is.
16:13
SPEAKER_02: Well, this is such a party.
16:15
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm gonna knock back a pop-up right now.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Here's here's the you, mom.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Good to see you, little little Steve.
16:21
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
16:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, don't forget the stuffing too.
16:24
SPEAKER_04: Don't forget the stuffing.
16:25
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, yeah, I gotta get some of that stuffing.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: There's a nice big oyster right there.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm gonna grab that one.
16:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh Jeff, you don't have to get it.
16:33
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't make mac and cheese.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: I know, I know.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: I I think I am gonna check it out.
16:37
SPEAKER_04: Don't eat all of it.
16:38
SPEAKER_04: Don't don't eat all of the mac and cheese.
16:40
SPEAKER_04: You make sure that Steve gets some.
16:41
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Steve, I want to make sure you get some.
16:43
SPEAKER_04: You make sure you get some of that mac and cheese.
16:45
SPEAKER_04: There's not as much as usual.
16:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's my mom.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: She's the best, isn't she Jeff?
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Just the best.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: She is the best.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: And I would eat all of that, but yeah, I just started to become regular, Steve.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: And I just don't know.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: That looks pretty rich.
16:57
SPEAKER_02: Uh you know, rich people can be regular, right?
17:00
SPEAKER_04: That's how you make it.
17:01
SPEAKER_04: You make it rich.
17:02
SPEAKER_04: That that that's that's really the only that's the key descriptor of mac and cheese.
17:07
SPEAKER_04: If you're not making it rich, you're making it wrong.
17:10
SPEAKER_04: That's what it says on the package.
17:11
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: And you make it rich and then it pours out.
17:15
SPEAKER_02: See, see, it pours out, right?
17:17
SPEAKER_02: You know, yeah.
17:18
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, if it if it said on the package, don't make it rich, just make it regular.
17:22
SPEAKER_04: No one would buy it.
17:23
SPEAKER_02: Just regular mac and cheese, median mac and cheese, average mac and cheese.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: I come on, rich mac and cheese.
17:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that sounds I'm I'm getting hungry already.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: Just hearing that word.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: I am too.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: How you feeling okay, Steve?
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh yeah.
17:36
SPEAKER_03: Okay, so far, so good.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I might I might try a little bit of that, like the ear.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Do turkeys have ears?
17:44
SPEAKER_02: I may stop with the turkey, but uh oh, the mac and cheese and then the stuffing.
17:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's beautiful stuff, yes.
17:50
SPEAKER_02: I'll have some of that.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Maybe sprinkle a little bit of those beans or pellets or so.
17:55
SPEAKER_04: So, how often does Claire make this food?
17:57
SPEAKER_04: Because I I don't know.
17:59
SPEAKER_04: I'm not seeing a lot of things I recognize here.
18:02
SPEAKER_02: Funny you should ask.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: She really hasn't made food for us.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: She offered to make food a few times and we said no because we were a little, you know, concerned.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: I was talking to Claire earlier, and I was telling her, Did I tell you the about my father and his hunting story and his father's father and well started?
18:21
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure we've heard it, but uh, I can start over if you'd like.
18:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I was telling he shoots wild turkey, and we're not talking, yeah, we're not talking about stuff from Kentucky.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: We're talking no, no, no, no, no.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: I was telling Claire this, and she was like, What a cool tradition to hunt for food.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: And she said, I think we're gonna do that for Thanksgiving here.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if a if a glue trap is considered a it's more trapping than hunting.
18:48
SPEAKER_02: Isn't trapping, but it's trapping, it's which is like hunting, but it's not sort of no, it's a little different.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: It's a trapping that counts, you know.
18:56
SPEAKER_04: So was Claire angry with either of you about this or something?
19:00
SPEAKER_04: Like, is there something it did she is she holding some kind of grudge that she would serve this?
19:06
SPEAKER_04: I gotta tell you, it feels like I I'm sure I saw it move.
19:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, mom, I gotta tell you, she's our producer now for the show, and she's a little, I think she kind of wants to take over the show, you know, and and we're in the way because we're doing the show, but she thinks if she does the show, her life would be better.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: It's one of the reasons we haven't wanted to eat anything that she's cooked.
19:28
SPEAKER_02: Remember, Jeff, when she was talking about if you were going to die, how would you want to die?
19:33
SPEAKER_02: Remember that, or something like that.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: She wanted to know real specifics, yeah.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: Very specifics, like and and you said I'd like to be shot walking out of the studio.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: And I I started going out the back door after you said that.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: And I remember I remember what she said in the back of the head or in the side.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: It was it was interesting because she's a pleaser, you know, she just wants to make everyone happy.
19:58
SPEAKER_04: She seems like she cares.
20:00
SPEAKER_04: Maybe you're just not used to people caring enough.
20:03
SPEAKER_04: You're not used to people really looking at the inner you, and she wanted to shoot the inner you, right?
20:11
SPEAKER_04: But only figuratively, but like the yeah, to shoot it to to revive it, to wake it up, to get it moving.
20:18
SPEAKER_02: Release it, release it, release it.
20:20
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it would fly right out of you.
20:22
SPEAKER_04: Oh, Steve, you're so smart.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, I I do have one extra IQ point more than Jeff.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, don't bring that up.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's kind of why I'm kind of the brains of the show, you know.
20:33
SPEAKER_04: It's a big one, though.
20:34
SPEAKER_04: It's a big one.
20:35
SPEAKER_02: See, that's what I just exactly what I said.
20:37
SPEAKER_02: I said it's one point, but it's a really big point.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: Is when you get up at that level, one point means a lot.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: So you're bragging about your intelligence and having a big one.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: It's not brag if it's fact, you know what I'm telling you?
20:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's just fact.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Well, it certainly isn't as big as that turkey on the table, so you know, yeah, that's no, it's pretty good.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: A little more of this, just it's not that bad, you know.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: You kind of get used to it.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: It's it's not like typical dark meat, it's dark.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure what it is, but it's kind of good.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: I'll take your word for it.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: But just in case, what do you think of the name for our show being the Jeff Show?
21:17
SPEAKER_00: Just in case things don't work out by next week.
21:19
SPEAKER_04: You know, we should No, I don't I don't like I don't like that name at all.
21:22
SPEAKER_04: I don't like that name at all.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: What about the Claire show?
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Because it very well could be the Claire show, especially since I think the gun's gone now.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh they had it over here.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Now that's gone.
21:32
SPEAKER_02: We'll send Johnny out looking for it.
21:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, he's got it.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Johnny's gone too.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: So Claire's Claire's so busy working so hard.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: I think we should have given her the night off, don't you think, Steve?
21:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, probably should have.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: I mean being a holiday and everything, but sometimes we really just owe it to let's face it, Jeff, to the millions that depend on this show.
21:53
SPEAKER_02: We owe it to them.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: Maybe we got to work a holiday now and then it's bringing them entertainment, it's bringing them what they want.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: I think you're right.
22:01
SPEAKER_04: And also the stuffing.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: Oh, the stuffing.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: Mom, mom, this is so good.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: These oysters, these are like smoked oysters.
22:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, these are so good.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
22:11
SPEAKER_02: These aren't those little bay oysters.
22:12
SPEAKER_02: No, these are like big, these are like the Atlantic oysters.
22:16
SPEAKER_04: These are cool.
22:17
SPEAKER_04: Only the best.
22:17
SPEAKER_04: Only the best for my Steve.
22:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh, mom.
22:20
SPEAKER_02: You're the best.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, gosh.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, this has been just the best Thanksgiving.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: I haven't forgotten about you, little Stevie.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: How are you doing, little sweetheart?
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Sublike dick.
22:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, still about the same, I see.
22:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
22:31
SPEAKER_04: Well, not a lot of change.
22:33
SPEAKER_04: There's not a lot of change.
22:34
SPEAKER_04: She doesn't do stuff.
22:35
SPEAKER_04: She's not very entertaining.
22:36
SPEAKER_04: She's not great company.
22:38
SPEAKER_04: I and she's always around.
22:40
SPEAKER_04: She's always around.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
22:42
SPEAKER_04: It's exhausting.
22:43
SPEAKER_04: I tried to take a nap the other day.
22:45
SPEAKER_04: She wanted to eat.
22:47
SPEAKER_04: I wanted to nap.
22:48
SPEAKER_04: I tried to talk about it.
22:49
SPEAKER_04: I tried to reason.
22:50
SPEAKER_04: There's no reasoning with her.
22:52
SPEAKER_04: Oh and it happens every day.
22:54
SPEAKER_04: It is endless.
22:56
SPEAKER_04: Endless.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
22:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, mom.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: You know, you must be worn out and you really need your rest.
23:02
SPEAKER_02: You need some time off.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: Maybe, hey, maybe we could get like a babysitter for you.
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Maybe I don't know.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: Maybe Miss Claire could be a babysitter.
23:10
SPEAKER_04: I don't know that I can I can trust a precious commodity with this Claire lady.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about her.
23:18
SPEAKER_04: If if she's moving in on the job, she might be moving in on the kid too.
23:22
SPEAKER_04: So I mean, if I like her around every day, no, I don't.
23:25
SPEAKER_04: I don't like her around every day.
23:26
SPEAKER_04: But do I want the choice to have her around?
23:30
SPEAKER_04: I do.
23:30
SPEAKER_04: And she's my kid, which means I get the choice.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: Maybe Johnny could give you some relief, could take care of the kid.
23:36
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Johnny's better just like carrying the carrying things in from the car.
23:41
SPEAKER_04: That's probably that's that's about his speed.
23:43
SPEAKER_04: That's that's really that's that's about his speed.
23:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and he and he reads sort of, he's got some skills.
23:48
SPEAKER_04: Well, during the show he reads, like I don't know that he reads, like I think he looks at comic books and stuff.
23:53
SPEAKER_02: That's about oh yeah, no, he's not like a big Aristotle fan or anything.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: No, I seriously doubt it.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: But you know, yeah, he reads like little pieces of paper during the show.
24:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like Archie, like he likes like he likes Archie.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: Oh, he's Archie, oh okay.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: Wow, very cool, very cool.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: Likes comics, but just like the pictures, yeah, but not the violent ones, the nice ones with Archie and Jughead, and you know, he's dating Betty and Veronica at the same time.
24:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, man.
24:19
SPEAKER_02: We we didn't know how cool that was when we were kids reading that.
24:23
SPEAKER_02: It's like, wow, look at this guy.
24:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:25
SPEAKER_04: He really had it all.
24:26
SPEAKER_04: He did, really had it all.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: He did, yeah.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a small world too, because my dad, I think he's dating somebody in prison named Veronica, too.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's there's that's good for him.
24:37
SPEAKER_04: Good for him.
24:38
SPEAKER_04: That's good.
24:38
SPEAKER_04: He's moving, he's moving forward.
24:40
SPEAKER_04: That's great.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he doesn't move real forward though, because you know he's it's a confined area, but right, yeah.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: He moves around circular motion, yeah.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Like a circular three feet forward.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: He could go a couple feet forward, a couple feet.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Turn left, yeah, and turn left.
24:54
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
24:56
SPEAKER_04: I mean, like a race car driver.
24:58
SPEAKER_04: That it's he's got a he has a course, it's just smaller, unless he's in the yard.
25:02
SPEAKER_04: When he's in the yard, he he can he can roam free.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, he can make those left turns bigger, you know.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: He can make a really wide left turn and just go over to the gate and then come back and go over to the gate and come back and do that too many times and start watching.
25:17
SPEAKER_02: I bet.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: So I think maybe when we're done here, I may just drive over there and see if he's still up and if I can get in.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: So maybe I can bring some leftovers.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: Do they do a big Thanksgiving at at Stateville correction?
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, they used to do a lot of carving of the turkey, but yeah, things would go bad when they hit it.
25:37
SPEAKER_02: I can imagine, yeah.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then who who are you gonna choose to be the carver?
25:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, you got like 10 knives to choose from, you got like 10, 15 people who want to do the carving.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: So you've got a lot of people that have experience.
25:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you really want something carvers.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: Who wants something cut?
25:54
SPEAKER_02: They know how to do it.
25:55
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
25:56
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
25:57
SPEAKER_04: You're and your dad, your dad would have done a good job.
25:59
SPEAKER_04: He would have done a good job.
26:01
SPEAKER_04: That's a that's a fair statement.
26:03
SPEAKER_04: If if he's got a prime shiv, there's nobody better carving a turkey.
26:06
SPEAKER_04: That I I would say that I would take it to my grave.
26:10
SPEAKER_02: Well, hopefully you won't have to there, Mom.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna let him near you again, let me tell you.
26:14
SPEAKER_04: Not today, not today, not today.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: No, not today.
26:18
SPEAKER_02: It looks like your drink is getting a little weak there.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Can I can I refresh it for you?
26:22
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
26:22
SPEAKER_04: Thank you, thank you, Steve.
26:24
SPEAKER_04: That's what a good boy.
26:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, thank you for taking care of that for me.
26:27
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
26:28
SPEAKER_02: A little bit of tonic reach the rim.
26:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, not too much though.
26:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, gets in the way.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: I think.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Are we thinking plans for Christmas?
26:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm available.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: If you want to get together during Christmas, I think we'd already, Steve, haven't we?
26:41
SPEAKER_04: We I think we'd already made some plans.
26:43
SPEAKER_04: Hadn't we made some plans?
26:44
SPEAKER_04: We already made some we're busy that day, but uh maybe on a different day.
26:48
SPEAKER_04: If it was, I don't know what time you were thinking, but that time I think that we have plans already.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: The twist do you think that I'm coming with you?
26:57
SPEAKER_00: And is it okay if I tell Claire that I'm uh I'm gonna be with you guys during Christmas?
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Because well, she's been kind of asking me to join her, and uh just don't know.
27:06
SPEAKER_04: She's gonna know, she's she's gonna know.
27:08
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she's yeah, it it's like don't bring us in on that because it's it's just gonna get messy.
27:14
SPEAKER_04: It's why don't you just just spend the time with her?
27:17
SPEAKER_04: She can cook, clearly, she can cook lots of stuff.
27:19
SPEAKER_04: Who knows what that was?
27:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, and Jeff, I I wouldn't involve you, but you know, on Christmas at that time that we're not sure what it is, but it's the time you want to come over, and that's when we're busy.
27:30
SPEAKER_02: My my mom and I were going to we're do going to a a mother-son event.
27:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and we really, you know, it's like a mother's son.
27:39
SPEAKER_04: I've already got a dress to wear, so it's it's already confirmed.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
27:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I got a matching one for Stevie.
27:45
SPEAKER_04: I got her in a papoose, so I don't have to use I can use my arms to hold my drink.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh, very cool.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh yeah, I gotta strike because you're gonna you're gonna want to use both hands to drink at this one.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: No, this is yeah, you think this is a wild party.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: You should see that Christmas one.
27:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
27:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's a padded, it's a it's a padded papoose, just in case.
28:02
SPEAKER_04: Just like if I if I topple, it's fine.
28:05
SPEAKER_04: It's fine.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: If you change your mind, let me know because you know, I've got this wonderful Christmas story I could that that I kind of wrote up.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: I made, you know, like sort of a longer version uh of the Christmas story and a Christmas there's a tradition of his family for Christmas.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and they start they go out and they chop down a tree, maybe is there is their tradition.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: And oh yeah, I do it with my grandfather, my great grandfather.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: And in fact, the guy that came over with William the F and Conqueror, I go I go out and chop trees with him too.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: 1066.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you've heard this.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: So you've heard this and then it is.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: You know, where old lane's on, we you know, we all kind of guess.
28:46
SPEAKER_02: No, yeah, they probably remember before that song was written.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: If you need another person, you know, I I'm your man, and and maybe Kathy will join us too.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: And who knows, maybe Kathy's grandfather or great grandfather can his new bride.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: And his new bride.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: And his new bride.
29:02
SPEAKER_02: I know this has been a lot of fun, but we're just about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Leon Studios, and we gotta we gotta finish up some of this food first, but it wouldn't be Thanksgiving.
29:12
SPEAKER_02: Let me just talk.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't be Thanksgiving if we didn't show our thanks to certain people.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
29:20
SPEAKER_02: I think we should get some things for mom.
29:23
SPEAKER_02: I think we should get some things for little Stevie too.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: So, Johnny, what do we have for mom and little Stevie?
29:30
SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
29:31
SPEAKER_01: Your mom and I will throw the best parties in the metro with a year's supply of tasty and soon-to be terrified Y vodka.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: A shipment that would last most people a lifetime will arrive in a terror-free shipping container, suitable for emigration after drilling air holes.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: All courtesy of the Y brand of companies.
29:49
SPEAKER_01: And to go with that gun Jeff's Faux Dad gave Little Stevie, should anyone find it, she'll receive a genuine screw top silencer.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: Not only does it quiet the bullets, but internet influencers say it can be a wonderful cure for Tourette's.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: From the William McConker collection, fully owned and programmed by the Y brand of companies.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: And least, last than always, we all will receive dinner for three prepared by the kitchens of Miss Claire.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: You won't be able to trap a better meal if you hunt all day.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: So we'll gather the family or whatever and enjoy Miss Claire's cuisine.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: It's time for these requirements ingredients from appropriation stations, now part of the wide brand of companies.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: This is Benedict Production in association with codependent squeeze.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: Be sure to follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to the podcast.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: I want to thank Steve and Jeff for those gifts.