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Building a Catholic Media Company and Going to Therapy in His 40s, This Is Edmundo Reyes · The LIVing Room with Liv Harrison

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am much closer to Pontius Pilot than I am to say Bernard of Clairville.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I could be that guy that sees what he needs to do, but doesn't have the spine to do it.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I end up on this retreat on this boss with a bunch of people, and it turns out they are charismatic.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't do well in those environments.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I was freaking out.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was very uncomfortable.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Basic stuff that most people nowadays do in their 20s, like I'm doing now in my late 40s.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Therapy for millennials is like the lifestyle, but like I'm a little bit older.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a young Gen Xer and Mexican.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it was always therapies for those that need it, but I don't need it.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this stigma, at least when I grew up in Mexico, like nobody went to therapy in my men's group in college.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: They were all like, I don't know, you put your head down, do your prayers, and move on.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: He told me the word healing and salvation in Hebrew are the same words.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that when God says he came to save us, it's the same as he came to heal us.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So God is a healer.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Hold on, Edmundo.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: What have you actually learned?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he kind of paused me and I was like, Oh, you can't do it.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Literally, you know everyone here.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: Most of them, yeah.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: The other pay for you.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, somebody go get Nathan.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I just the funny thing here is like, right?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like they need to laugh at my jokes, right?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: You need to laugh at his jokes.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: You need to laugh at Nathan's jokes.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: He's the funniest guy we know.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone laugh at Nathan.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I have to laugh the most.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: You're so funny and strong.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's how marriage works.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: Say those things to him and he feels better.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and Moon.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: We all need that.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We all need that, Liv.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Men do.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: They need, I mean, you're married.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: How long have you been married to your beautiful bride?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: You've been married how long?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, 2002.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So 24 now in September.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: 24 years.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so your 25th is coming up.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have look?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm being a friend.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: I think you need to start thinking now and start thinking and planning for your 25th.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: You bet.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: You bet.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we did we did some fun stuff for our 10th and 20th.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to top that.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: For our 10th, we went to London and it was the Olympics there.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: The year of the Olympics.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't go to the Olympics, but that was really cool.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: We did London and and Scotland.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then for our 20th, we did Venice and Florence, I think, and Rome.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that was that was cool.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so you don't need my help.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, if you could call Nathan, that would be fantastic.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you some advice.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Nathan's good.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: He's good.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: He's doing well.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, well, your 25th has to be out of the park.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be awesome.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: And you uh here's what's so funny about you and Mundo is that I met you years ago at a Synth before Synth Ventures, which is a nice little group in the Catholic world, and now it's a big group in the Catholic world, and they have a summit every year.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: And before they had a summit, they had a retreat.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: And how many of us were on that?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like 35, 40?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: What do you say?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: 45?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I actually I don't think I was there at least.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think I met you at the summit.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: I have literally told everyone that I met you on this retreat.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: It may have been another, it may have been another Mexican.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, no.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Who else has an accent that I know?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: But we met, we we we did meet at the summit in Cuusa, which I loved.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was fantastic.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I have great memories about the gallery.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: That is so me.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: That is so like I like my mom the other day told me I made up this whole story, and I was like, no, mom, I'm pretty sure that's a real thing.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: And she's like, it's not.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: But you know what?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: This is a great segue because this shows ADHD and this shows mental illness.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, Liv, we're not alone.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like the gospel accounts are different one from the other, so you know, even the gospel writers didn't know the whole story.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, I can't breathe.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: Of course I didn't meet you at that summit.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: I met I mean at that retreat, I met you at the first summit.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: So that's great.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's cool.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um, well, I'm glad it meant as much to you as it did to me.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I noticed it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: No, okay, so but we did.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: But here's what's funny.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: I did meet your wife when I was uh this I do know for a fact.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: I know this is gonna be true.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: I met her when I was the MC for the Legatus Summit.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: Again, that's right.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: See, I just like to meet your family at summits.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: And your wife was so kind because she's this brilliant photographer.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you know that, but you married an artist and she is just spectacular and just adorable.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like I need to tell you.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: And uh and I just fell in love with her, she was so cute, and then I don't know when how it was put together in my brain that you're married to her, and I didn't know that for like the longest time ever.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: That that happens a lot.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm uh Melanie's Melanie's husband for a lot of people.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Melanie's husband, it's been really nice to meet you.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's good.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I need that.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, God knows I need that for my ego.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: And you're talented on your own, right?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: You're an artist too, because look, you've started this whole digital world, I mean, literally digital continent, and you started that from nothing.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: It reminds me of this movie where this guy sells air, he sells uh advertisements on radio.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: And the guy goes, So you just sell air?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, yeah, basically.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that's what we do.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: We just tell good stories.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: You just you just kind of sell like this.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, what is it?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: How do you explain what it is that you do in Mundo?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how do you explain digital continent to someone that doesn't know who you are from the synt retreat?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I left a big mark.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: They weren't lucky enough to be there, just like you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: How do you explain what it is that you do?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's a that's a that's a great question.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I had a different version of of that explanation even just uh six months ago.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I would have said that we were a creative agency and production company.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: But but you know, we had a retreat with uh the members of our team in September, and it really changed everything for me.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was like the refounding of digital continent.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what I discovered, and I think we discovered together, the the company is a collective of builders and dreamers.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the company is.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's really not what we do, but who we are.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's a way better um yeah, just just a way better thinking.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we say dreamers and builders, so we love to dream big dreams for the Lord.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: We think that God puts these dreams in our hearts, and then our job is to sign up for that dream and then bring this team together and then build that dream and make it happen.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that you know, you know, they're dreamers and sometimes they're builders.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: We want to be both, right?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: We want to be the people that get it done, but also those that kind of creatively imagine and dream and and hope for great things.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's who we are.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And because of this collective of creatives and talented people, um, we end up partnering with organizations and individuals who want to serve the mission of the church and make Christ known and loved.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we partner with them to build these dreams.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it's almost like every project is its own company and every project is its own team because we believe that it's God who's leading and who's inviting people to be part of it.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of an agency where you have a team and you need to chase contracts and you need to get people paid and payroll, we think of it differently.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: We think like God is ahead of us, and He puts this vision and this dream in our partners, in ourselves, and then we build this together.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So every every project is its own unit and every project is its own dream.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: So I would like to It's not very simple.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: No, but you know what?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: I would like to give you a name.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're a creative architect.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like I think that's you know, like you're building these structures and these beautiful.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I I should hire you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: It is no stop, stop, stop.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's actually powerful.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I you're a creative when I was little, no, no, no.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: When I was little, I wanted to be an architect.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And no one in my life has said that to me until today.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's very moving.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're doing it.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're doing it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's what you're friends.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: You build beautiful structures, you build, you build, I mean, like what you just said, you know, you've taken the creative space, especially in the Catholic world, for people who don't know who you are, they they do know who you are, they just don't know that it's you because you hide that beautiful face of yours in the background, and you put Melanie's in the front because she's the hot one.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I missed that's that's a smart move.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: And so, but no, but you're you're the guy in the back that you're like, okay, you have a dream, you have something you want to do, you want to create something, and then you're right, you dream with, and then you produce, you know, and so you create this beautiful structure of what someone has dreamt.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, if like when you approach it like that, I it's it's so much better because you have great confidence that this is not your idea.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you think of it like that, you know, it's not like I have this idea, and then I need to sell you on the idea, and then you need to pay for the idea, or you need to join the team to build the idea.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: But it almost it's it's a it's it's I think that this is where God comes in into the work that we do in Digital Continent.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like he already puts this dream in our hearts, and then when I share sometimes that dream with someone um and invite them to join, they they resonate and I get a lot of yeses for for our partners, from partners, from team members because they see it, and it's almost like not that it's almost I believe a guy is already ahead of us, so then then it's it's just coming together.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So an architect and um I I rally people and and then you know we set plans and then we build stuff.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we like to build, and it takes it takes effort and work.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's the thing that a lot of people that are just dreamers don't see that you know going from idea to making something happen, it takes a lot of a lot of work and effort and perseverance.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: Time.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's also time consuming, and people don't realize how much time it takes to be creative because you see a finished product and you think, oh, like they just did that last night, and you're like, that was millions of hours of like thought and then planning and then executing and then whatever.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, people see a finished project and they just think, oh, they just show, which actually shows that you did your job.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because if people look at the work that you do, which they do at Moonday, they look at your work and they think, Oh, that was nothing.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: I could do that, like that was easy.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: You did what you were supposed to do because you made it seamless, you made it beautiful.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, thank you.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the team, really, it's the people that the best part of what I do, and I would do it for free if I could, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we need to pay the bills, but I it's it's really working with the talented people that God has brought to my my life, and that's really what I enjoy most.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't see it like that, Liv, at the very beginning.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I had a I saw the gift in in my former business partner and the work that we were doing, but I wasn't fully embracing this this idea that the way that we do things is really the gift, right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like the fruit and everything that we do and and what God decides to do with what we do is is is really secondary to the mission that I have, which is to to love and serve and enjoy life and do great things with with great people.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you know some of them, so you know how much fun it's to hang out with the the team that God has brought together.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's really the best part of it.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: It is the best part.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: I literally don't even want to have a podcast, I just want to hang out with the people that you enjoy.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's this is the sad way to have friends.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not sad at all.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not sad at all.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, but it is true.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it beautiful when when your friends are the people that you work with instead of a contractual relationship?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the most beautiful thing.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's beautiful, and I think it's the right way.
• 13:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um some people would say, no, no, no, business is business, keep it separate, relationships and all that.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when you're doing things for Christ and for the church and the church's mission, it it's like it's all the the paradigm or the the the lenses, the lens that you need to view these is is brothers, you know, is that you have brothers and sisters in Christ, and like God died for each one of them.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and and you, and and this is this is who God gave you.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And also changes the way that you approach it.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like you select the best and you handpicked the most talented people because of their resumes or experience, but you also trust in God's providence that somehow he's gonna bring the right people to to you because that's who he wants you to work with.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're frustrated or when you're like, oh man, like this this person is not doing what I think he needs to be doing or she is not doing, it's like you need to reflect that no, this is like people that got brought to these for a reason, and I need to find a way to make this happen with his group.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's just kind of like, yeah.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure that Jesus had the yeah, Jesus probably had the same kind of experience, right?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: He called his disciples, and then like not all of them were super bright, so as he was like doing the work, like he probably realized, oh man, like you know, this is gonna be this is gonna be rough.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: This guy can't get it together.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: And Mindo's not gonna name names, but they might be in this room.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not at all.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Not at all.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just trying to get a laugh.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's all I'm saying.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, but it but it makes it makes you it makes you think about it differently.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: It does.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And and it gives you the patience that you may not have if it would be just transactional, and it gives you the love that you may not have if it would be just business.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and it gives this human aspect to it, and it is emotional.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, there is no such thing as just business, or like in relationships, like these, you know, you hear about people in situationships, like, look, we're gonna get together, but it's not gonna be emotional.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's impossible.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: You're human beings, like it's going to be emotional, you know.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: And so if you already go into it going, like, look, I'd rather like you guys than not, and work together, then it works out.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a marriage.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like to marry my best friend, and then it's gonna be a lot more fun on the bad days.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_03: So that's how I see it in this as well.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: And what you've done, you created a culture of friendship, which is to you, you know, and to your team that they're all in that same spot of wanting to work that way.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: So take me back.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: You wanted to be an architect when you were little, but now you are, and according to me, an architect.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: But when did God place on your heart, listen, I have this crazy idea that you're going to ha build a virtual world, you're gonna build this digital company.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: How long ago did he put that in your heart, or do you feel that it was always there to begin with?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I yeah, I I am very blessed to have been born in a family who loved me and loved me deeply, and um, even though the the way that they communicated the faith to me was not perfect, um, you know, I always experience their love and and care.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um but like most of us, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, there there are things that we do in our lives where we, you know, are not where we move away from our faith and where God becomes something not important.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: For me, you know, I uh I I grew up uh in Mexico, very Catholic country at that time.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the case anymore, but back then everybody was Catholic, cultural Catholic.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um I went to Catholic schools, and and part of my identity was around being good at school.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I guess because I wasn't good at sports, so I had to I had to aim for something.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I ended up, yeah.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I, or at least I wanted to be seen as a smart guy.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I ended up dedicating a lot of my time to be good at at school and be be diligent with my studies.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: And religion in my school was a subject.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you had like math and Spanish and natural sciences and social sciences, and then you had religion.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I did learn about God and I learned about religion, but I saw it as a subject.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really my experience of faith going uh with my mom to church on Sundays.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes my dad would come, but very, very in it wasn't very frequent uh those times.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, that that's a little bit of my story.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's important because um by the time that I get to college, I was a young uh freshman in college, I was 17 years old.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh faith had no meaning for me.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was nothing, it was not important, it was a subject, it was something that I learned when I was young.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but but at that time I experienced some rejection, which has been a little bit of the theme in my life and and what God has been healing this past year.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I found myself in a in a tough situation where I was without my friends' group.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: They kind of have moved on because I had a disagreement with one of the leaders of the group, and I was in college and I didn't have a uh community or group of friends.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I I was I was not uh I wasn't suffering per se terribly, but I was in a place of emptiness and not in a place that wasn't um what God wanted for me in my life.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I get invited to this retreat.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to bring this to a close because it's it's kind of long and winded.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: But um I love it.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I go to this.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I need a tub of popcorn.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I go to this retreat, and the reason why I go to the I went to this retreat is because a friend invited me and I didn't have anything to do that weekend, and I was used to going out every weekend with friends.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: But again, this this rupture with with this friends group, you know, happened.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And and I was like, well, I guess I'm I'm gonna meet some people, I'm gonna meet some, you know, girls, and and you know, I don't have anything else to do.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I end up on this retreat, and I kid you not, live like one of the weird weirdest and and and awful experience.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I find myself uh going on these boss outside of the city.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm living in Monterey, it's a big, big city, um, and then I'm going outside of the city on these boss with a bunch of people, and it turns out they are charismatic.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I've never ever in my life have encountered charismatic people.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't do well in those environments.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, these people were like like singing and and and and very expressive and hugging you.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's a good way to say it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I was freaking out.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was very uncomfortable, and uh it was just so weird.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I go to this retreat, it's a charactermatic retreat, meaning it's about the the the basic truths of our faith that God loves us and and you know that we sinned and and we're reconciled through Jesus Christ and all of that.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a very basic retreat, and all these presentations are happening.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm literally at the back row with my arms crossed, and I just kind of counting the minutes until I could leave.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel so so uncomfortable.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was just not what I signed up for.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm listening to these things, and then these people are just different, and they're kind of weird, but I saw in them something that I really wanted.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: I saw a type of freedom that I didn't have of being myself and a freedom to relate to others in the way that I didn't have it.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I could see these people were relating, not like I was used to seeing other, you know, my friends relating to one another.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there was these concepts that I just couldn't understand what was going on.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I was very curious, but freaked out at the same time.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I am like on the back and I'm on my shell.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember uh later on the the leaders of the retreat commenting on on me.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: So at the end of these retreats, the leadership group meets and they talk about different people.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: So a friend of mine told me, Oh, yeah, when we got to talk about you, Edmund that we were like, oh, this is a lost cause, you know, it's not gonna happen here for this guy.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just kind of move on and work with the other guys.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I wasn't giving them anything, you know, I was just like really skeptical and I was actually absorbing.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: Let's be honest.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: You were you're observing and absorbing and processing.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I was thinking this is a big hoax, this is a big scheme.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're they must be lying, they must be pretending, they must be performing.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: They can't.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: To be this happy, they can't be relating with this freedom.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's gotta be a catch here.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I was very intrigued and intellectually activated, but very afraid and weirded out at the same time.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, God really meets me.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so God meets me in this retreat, and and it kind of I hear these talks and you know and and they start kind of entering my my heart, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: These ideas and these concepts.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when it gets to a time of prayer on the last uh evening, last night, um, I I get to the point of making that big leap in faith.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I and in prayer in conversation with God, I said, you know, what if this is true?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what if all of this that I'm hearing here and that I've known all my life through my you know formation in Catholic schools and cateches and all that, what if if it all if this is true?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it's true, everything changes.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: If there is an actual God that loves me, who created the universe, who knows me better than myself, who has a great plan for my life, who wants to give me freedom.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, all the things that they were saying, if all of these things are true, it's the most radical message in the world and it changes everything.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I open up my heart just a tiny bit, and that's all God needed.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: And and you know, the rest is you know, history really God enters into my life at that time, and I I make that leap in faith of believing in my heart and my mind that this is true.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then God, after that, just you know, pours out his his blessings and his love for me and all of that, and and it just changes me completely.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a 17-year-old with a different purpose, with mission, with with purpose.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think that for young men, that's one of the most important things is to have meaning and purpose in your life, to feel like you're part of something.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And in this case, this this group communicated that I was part of this great adventure, that you know, that they were so good at at creating this um narrative that I just bought in, right?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: That, you know, they would say things like, We're only one generation away from the faith to be distinguished.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Will it happen?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it won't happen if you step up.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, man, that's what I needed to hear.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's this mission, there's this God that is calling me that created me for purpose.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, it was those beautiful days of my life, and then that's when digital continent is born, because I am I'm a I'm studying economics because I didn't know what to study, and economics felt like it was you know very difficult and very prestigious, and I wanted to be a politician because of the power and honor and all of that, but I didn't like it.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I switched from that career path to communications because, in a simple way, I I thought if this message is a message, right?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: If the gospel is a message, then the church does a terrible job communicating it, and I want to be good and professional about it, and I want to communicate it with greatness.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really where the dream started of saying, Hey, I want to be a missionary, I want to live for Christ, and I want to use everything that was happening at that time, which was very exciting.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is the beginning of the digital age, you know, to serve this message and the gospel.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, like I I yeah, go ahead.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say, and then you must have discovered along the way that you're really, you're really, if you think about it, a storyteller, because you're able to see people's stories or the story of whatever it is that you're trying to show.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's what a communications expert is, is that they're able to communicate, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: They're able to tell their audience what it is, you know, and so you are this beautiful storyteller.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: You take other people's stories, their ideas, and you, you know, make them come to life.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: So when did you figure that part out that you were that you were not just I mean, because Imuno, just to have a communications degree doesn't mean that you can do that next step, which you know, there's this wonderful project that I don't know you might have heard of.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's called Seeking Beauty, and it's hit the airwaves, it's kind of a big deal.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: And uh, and that whole project that you are behind is the telling of a story, you know, you're telling this story of our Catholic faith, of the beauty of the faith, of the beauty of God.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: So you are the storyteller.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: When did you figure out that yes, you have a communications degree?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: But what was that moment?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: When was it that you realized I I'm good at executing someone's story?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Liv, uh, this is one of the the most incredible things that happen when you walk with Christ.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: I if you would have told me when I was young that this was going to be my life, I would have not believed you.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I didn't know I had it in me.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um I knew I was smart because I was, you know, getting good grades.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I didn't know these things about myself because I never believed in in myself, but also I didn't have a purpose.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So something kind of beautiful happens after my conversion, which is I I was a very introverted and insecure, and you know, I have my own traumas, you know, that I've been now finally resolving, you know, 40 plus years after.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I um, you know, I I wasn't writing and I wasn't creating, but I had all these things in my head, but nobody had invited me into these adventures.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the early visions that I had in prayer was was this idea that God was forming like a like a dodgeball team.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, my past experience because of my wounds of rejection and everything was that I wasn't going to get picked, you know.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: So they, you know, I went to an old boys' school, and then not being one of the the most athletic ones, you're always like waiting, right?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: They pick always the athletics, and you're just hoping you're not the last one picked, right?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I was never the last one, I wasn't that terrible, but I was never the first.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you have that trauma, right?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, like, you know, will they pick me?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Will they pick me?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, hey, there's, you know, like now, and maybe in the next round.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I had this vision that God, yeah, you know, God was going to do something great.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: And in this vision, I saw myself raising my hand and saying, if you're gonna do something, pick me.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like really my career and my vocation comes from saying yes to God to even something that I didn't even see myself.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: But just to say, God, if you're about something great, I want to be part of it.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like please listen to listen to my availability, right?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm racing here on my hand, I want to be picked.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's what has happened, right?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: God has then placed me in different places because of these initial yes and the these subsequent yeses, where I've been able to discover who I am, what I'm good at, and then also He has put me in places where I can use my gifts and talents.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, so especially during these the early years of my conversion, um, I received a lot of affirmation on my gifts.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that was one of the greatest gifts of this community that was so positive, I was so affirming.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, as I was walking and as I was um serving and volunteering and doing different things, I started to discover my gift and my calling and who I was.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: So it was really, you know, this is like after 17 years old, so 17 to 22, that's when really I discovered who I was and who God created me and what I was good at.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it wasn't really when I was young, but when I was young, I knew that God created me for something great.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just never had had that invitation from him or from anyone else.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a little bit of that story.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, uh discovered that I'm good at, you know, building things and I'm entrepreneurial and I'm good at communicating and all these things.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it it really came after saying yes, not knowing all these things and then bringing those to the Lord and saying, hey, look how talented I am.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here are all my gifts now.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: What what do you want to do with them?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was the opposite.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was God saying me saying yes because he invited me first, and then through that yes, I discovered who I was and what he wanted me to do.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that makes sense.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: That makes a lot of sense.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_03: No, that may no, I was just thinking that makes a lot of sense actually.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_03: And but you know, you listened and you you continued the conversation with God, which I think a lot of people stop, you know, because again, being a creative takes a long time.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know if you've noticed talking to God takes a long time.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's not like he comes right out immediately.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Absolute yes, right?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: It takes a long time.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, so even though I haven't known you as long as I thought I did, um I've still known you.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Only a few months, only a few months off.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: On a few months wrong of months off.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_03: But knowing and seeing you really blossom, you know, into who you are today, into the work that you're doing today, it's just really cool on this side as someone who loves and adores you and respects you to see you really develop into this man of you know, of purpose.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_03: So even though you had it, but to actually continue to evolve with God in that.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_03: How do you how is your conversation today different than 17-year-old you?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're in the middle of evolution with him now.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: You're doing the work, you know what you're made to do.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: So, what is that communication like with him today?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: How is your prayer different?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's a great question.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'll share a little bit about actually last week and the week before.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: So this is kind of recent.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: But it kind of, you know, this has been a very important year.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the last you know, 14 months of my life have been really probably the most important season of my of my life, just in terms of um just growing as a person and becoming the person that God wants me to to be.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um so just a few a few so just last week, right, for preparation for Easter, I decided to um to to do a mini camino de Santiago.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I I I've been to Spain and I've I've walked the Camino three holy weeks.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this holy week I couldn't go um for practical reasons.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I'm I'm I'm I haven't finished the whole pilgrimage, but I'm I'm almost there.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: I have 12 more days left.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um but this year I I couldn't go, so I ended up doing some walking here, and and um so I did, you know, I think 12 miles, 20 miles, and 14 miles or something each day.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so so I do these things, Liv, because I don't know about you, but it takes me a while to quiet myself.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um our our good friend, our mutual friend, Edmund Mitchell, a few a few weeks ago or days ago, he shared this Shia LeBeuf um interview where he's like off the rails after he had all his incident in you know in New Orleans.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and and there's this there's this bit of him teaching this other guy who is interviewing him how to pray.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he talks about these this idea that it takes him five minutes to quiet his ego so that he can listen to God.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for me, it's way past five minutes.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have so much ego that it takes like a couple hours until I'm starting to listen to God.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why walking for me is so helpful.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: It takes me a while just to clear my mind so that I can be in a good place.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, long story short, I'm I'm doing this mini camino, I'm walking for multiple hours, and and one of the things that God really spoke to me is is some of the way that I'm different now than I was before.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was reading the accounts of the the passion of our Lord, and and I would say, you know, like Liv, if you would have talked to me years ago, I I would see myself as the great saints in the church, right?
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: I would identify myself with Saint Ignatius and Saint Francis and Saint Bernard of Clarival, and you know, and I would have this kind of idea and a little bit of magnanimity magnanimity about it.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: But these these last week, it was it was just not that at all.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh all I could think of is me in the in the broken and in a way evil characters of of the gospel accounts.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I was just thinking, you know, that I am much closer to Pontius Pilate than I am of to St.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: Bernard of Clairville.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: I could be that guy that sees what he needs to do, but doesn't have the spine to do it.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um wow.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: I saw much dose of humility is kind of what I'm hearing.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's that's a different yeah, but it's not like I'm not saying this to to appear as a better person than I am.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm truly seeing myself a lot closer to the angry mob that had lost for violence and vindication and retribution, or the I was thinking a lot about the bad thief, you know, yeah, who was blinded by anger and couldn't see what was offered to him at that moment and what the good thief received.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was so much his anger that he couldn't see past it.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: So so so that's that's really what has been my recent journey.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: My spiritual director actually two weeks ago asked me.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I was I talk a lot as you could see and I can go on these and these long, long conversations.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's a safe space, you're my living room.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_03: We're just in my living room.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's a safe space.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm talking and talking, talking.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I have this great, great spiritual director.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: He's a Jesuit, a young, young Jesuit, much younger than I am, but he's really good at what he does.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and he just listens.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: He sits there for hours and he's listening to me.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: And from time to time he stops me.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I am just two like a week and a half or two weeks ago, I'm talking to him about these some of these concepts that God is speaking into my life.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like going over them, and I say something like, Oh, and yeah, and this is all that God has, you know, um, this is all that I have learned.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and I keep going.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: And he's he said, like, oh hold on, hold on, Edmundo.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: What have you actually learned?
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And he kind of paused me, and I was like, Oh.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: I so I needed to articulate to him what I was saying that I learned.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started to think about how do I express what what is in my heart right now and what I've learned.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I came up with these two things that are very simple for most of us who follow the Lord and are Christians and have been walking the walk for years, but but for me were new things.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: One is the depth of my sin and the consequences of my sin, to really see my brokenness and see how out of that all the all the consequences um have have come to pass.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: And and to be really um clear about them, and to have compassion about myself, because now I understand through therapy, which I just started last year, and spiritual direction and healing, what I was doing and why I was doing things, but it doesn't remove my sin and my my my mistakes and my beyond my mistakes, my actions.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: But then at the same time, on a on a track, on a different track, just to experience the death of God's love in a very different way.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: That in the past, I I would be like, of course God loves me.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: Look at all that I'm doing, look at what I'm building here with digital content, look at me doing this work for the church, you know, look at you know how I serve my family.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: And but now that I come to realize my own weakness and my sin and a different level, then I see that God loves me equally or more.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that has been so comforting, Live, that this love is offered to me freely and generously, and he just he sees me and he's seen me all my life.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm finally seeing myself more like I should have seen myself like for years, but I finally don't, you know, you know, the scales of my eyes have been removed a bit.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um but but God has seen me the way that I am and and still loves me and and cares about me and is patient with me and and corrects me and rebukes me when I need to and and wants to bring the best out of me.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, so that's my my the different me from now and before.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think before life was simpler, I was on mission for the Lord, I felt good about myself, I I you know, but now I see my brokenness in at a deeper level, I see I see all these consequences of my sin too.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I see God loving me in in a deeper way and a fuller way.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um so that's that's that's I think that broken very very differently.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just been helpful, right, to to forgive myself, to ask for forgiveness to others for what I've done, but also to to receive the forgiveness from God that you know gives me hope and and renews my life.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_03: Especially at this time of of mercy, we you know, this conversation is happening um on the other side of Easter, we're in the octave of Easter and it's Divine Mercy Week and Divine Mercy Sunday is coming up.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I think you know, regardless of when anybody's listening to this podcast, God's mercy is is infinite and is divine, and we are nothing without it, you know.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm banking on that divine mercy to get me in.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: We all we all you bet.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, me and the the uh the bad thief are gonna be buddies if I don't get my ass together.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I hear it.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we we all need it, and it's I mean it's the basics of our faith, but for me it became so real this last you know year and a half.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's just different.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like a different person.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that's that's something new for you in the last year, and it's yeah, very new.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not millennial, you know.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Therapy for millennials is like the lifestyle, but like I'm a little bit older.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in jail, I'm a I'm a young Gen Xer and Mexican and male.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_03: I count myself as a Xennial.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_03: Low Gen X and high millennial Xinial.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, it was always like hey, therapy is like for those that need it, but I don't need it.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: I go to confession, I have a prayer life, uh, I'm okay.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and there's this stigma, at least when I grew up, you know, like I mean, first of all, in Mexico, like nobody back then went to therapy.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you're a guy, I remember even talking about some of my things in my men's group when I was in college, and they were all like, I don't know, you just you know, put your head down, do your prayers and move on.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was like very dismissive.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: And and last year I was encouraged by my former business partner to to start therapy, which I did.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and that and healing and spiritual director just made a big difference.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the way that I think about it, Liv, and I don't know how you kind of map it.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: I for me it's always good to have an idea on a narrative on on where everything fits.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: But um I started actually, so I started therapy.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I also started uh kind of like the healing stuff with with John Paul II Institute, uh, with um Dr.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: Bob Schutz, and I that I found super helpful because what that did is it gave me awareness.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think the Holy Spirit created this awareness in my life of some of the wounds that I had growing up that were connected to.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, did you go to the actual JP the two institutions?
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: I I wanted to, but uh there were there weren't dates that I could go, but actually a friend of mine said, Hey, do do them on demand online.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's that that's what she did.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and she said that it was helpful to her because she could go at her own pace.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then so that's what I did, and then for the prayer times, I did go to um a parish here where they did all the the prayers, so that part was in person.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: But man, Liv, like I found myself in one of the reflections in one of the talks, like just crying.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: On I mean, I couldn't stop myself.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: I I hadn't cried.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I anyways, recently I've been crying a lot, but I it was one of the most powerful moments.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: But healing kind of gave me basically two insights to see my wounds and then to understand that God wanted to heal me from them.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: That uh, you know, a friend of mine, Jason Jansen, who runs uh another creative company called um Glass Canvas, he was the first that told me like the word healing and salvation in Hebrew are the same words, and that when God says, you know, he came to save us, he is the same as he came to heal us, right?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: So God is the healer.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: So so that helped me a lot to understand these past wounds.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: But then what therapy has done is to understand what my brain was doing as a response to those wounds.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have that until like very recently because I saw my wounds and I saw that desire to heal me, and I was opening up myself to that, but I still didn't understand why I was doing.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: What I was doing.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: I why I couldn't stop myself from doing this harm to myself and others.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it just really, like until this year, I started to put it all together.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: So therapy has helped me figure out what this trauma and these wounds uh created in me and how my brain was responding and to have the you know the tools to to correct the course in a way.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then healing was allowing me to repair those wounds that were there.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then you know, you know the thing about yeah, and you know the thing about healing is it God doesn't this I mean he wants those wounds to stay.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: He himself didn't lose his wounds from the resurrection for a reason, right?
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so the wounds are there, but it they feel differently now because of that healing work that God has done in my life.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then the therapy has helped me understand, oh, this is what I did.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what's super helpful, at least at this point in my life.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because I saw what what other people did to me that created trauma.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I also see that God is healing that.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: But then I saw myself and the trouble that I was getting myself into because of how my my brain was processing trauma.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now I I couldn't correct that, right?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: On how to how to deal with my emotions better and all of that.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, like basic stuff that most I guess most people nowadays do in their 20s, like I'm doing now in my late 40s, like I'm just figuring out, like, yeah, you know, yeah, but better late than ever, never, right?
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like better than than our 60s, friend, you know, at least we could have the next 20 years be free of you know, of all that.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, let me ask you this.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_03: I of every guest that comes uh to my living room, I was asked, how can we pray for you?
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_03: What can we do?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_03: Those who are listening out there, how can they support and how can they uplift you in prayer?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_03: So, friend, how can we pray for you right now?
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_03: What is it that we can do?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I believe that all this uh great work that God has done over the last years is really not for me.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I could see wh why he's doing this now.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: So just pray for for for me to be able to take all these things and then use that to bless others, especially my family.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel like really that's that's what I'm entering into.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm closing a chapter of my life where a lot of healing has happened and and reconciliation to be able to share that with others.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I could see that in my my personal life, especially in my family life, that I I need to be now um sharing these gift or or these these newfound grace that I have now.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um I think Dr.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: Bob Schutz and other people, you know, they always say, you know, hurt people, hurt people, but also heal people, heal people.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I I just hope that that I continue to remember that these graces that I've received are not really for me, but they are to serve others and to bless others.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why I shared today.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: So it's I you know I'm I'm I'm happy to share these things so that I can help others in their own journey.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: And and I want to do that especially with my family.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what you can pray for me.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, that's something we can pray for.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, keep us in your prayers, especially your whole team, half of your team is here today.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_03: So yes, I love my team.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's so fun.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: I wish you were here.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_03: Next time we'll have to do an in-person interview.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_03: But uh, thank you so much for your time and for all that you're putting out in the world and for seeking beauty, which we didn't even talk about because look at that, we had all these other things.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, watch it.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: But check it out.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_03: You don't need to talk about it, check it out.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's on eWTN.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great show.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think people yeah, if you haven't watched it, you'll have a great time with your family, with your spas, with your children.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: Go watch it, Seeking Beauty, uh, you know, on the eWTN.com uh website or on the app.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then uh there are other projects there that we're doing, but that that's one that we're very proud of.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: Very proud.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: All right, friend.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_03: I love you, Tug.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_03: Your beautiful wife.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Oh, I love you too, but thank you.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: I will.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.