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Am i in a "TOXIC" Relationship? (10 Warning Signs) · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: This Relationship Coaching Group LLC podcast is for general information and entertainment only, not professional advice.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: The full disclaimer is in our show notes.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to your weekly relationship coaching group podcast, where you get your dose of real talk, chuckles, and everything relationship.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Grab your coffee or your steering wheel because today we're breaking down patterns, behaviors, and overlooked warning signs.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: So let's get into it.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: You love this person, you have good memories together.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: There may be some moments when everything feels wonderful, and then there are moments that leave you confused, hurt, exhausted, or wondering, why does this relationship feel so hard?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And if that's where you are, I want you to know something before we go even further.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: You are not foolish for loving someone.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're not weak because you've stayed, and you don't have to figure everything out today.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes recognizing an unhealthy relationship isn't about suddenly discovering that everything is bad.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming honest with yourself about the patterns you've been overlooking, explaining away, or hoping will eventually change.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Today, we're talking about 10 signs of a toxic relationship you should not ignore.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And know that we're not here to analyze your partner or tell you what you should do with your relationship.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: We're just here to help you slow down, look at patterns, and ask yourself some honest questions.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes the most important question isn't do I love this person?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's do I feel loved, respected, heard, and emotionally safe in this relationship.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Roxanne, known as a relationship expert specializing in behavior.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let's have this conversation together with honesty, compassion, and maybe even a little humor along the way, because sometimes we have to laugh a little at the ridiculousness of relationships before we can have the really serious conversations.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: But before we get into it, I want to introduce my co-host, the professor.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Professor.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, how are you?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wonderfully well, thank you.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good, Sra.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm running a little late here, but I did bring you coffee.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: So you are totally excused.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Coffee will excuse anything.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready to hit this one?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I am.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, how about you?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm ready.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we're gonna look at 10 signs you should never ignore.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's gonna be good.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: The first one, number one, you're constantly walking on eggshells.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: The example, you think about how you're gonna say something before you even say it.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're monitoring their mood.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: You're just kind of watching them, making sure they're in a good mood before you say anything.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you're choosing your words carefully.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because heaven forbid you say the wrong word or the wrong thing, or you're trying to prevent the next argument before it even happens.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Professor, what do you what's your take?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you have to live your life hiding behind every word that you've got to say and be careful, that's not the way to live.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a relationship and every word that comes out your mouth, you've got to analyze, you've got to make sure that the temperament is right, and you're not saying it too loudly, too softly, it's not triggering them, then that's a toxic relationship.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes, men and women don't pay attention to that.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: We make excuses for their behavior.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you make an excuse for that behavior, you're saying it's okay.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and here's the key there's a difference between being considerate of your partner's feelings and being afraid of their reactions.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that we we like to do is we like to say they're having a bad day.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: It they don't mean to.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not their fault.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: We tolerate it, but we keep giving it an excuse.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: We keep wanting to call it something else.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: They're having a bad day.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: The jobs get into them.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the stress.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: We keep making excuses.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And we say explaining it away.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then we say the words to temper it, but I love them.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's that that's the key phrase that is used and abused.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's the word that we hear all the time, but I love them.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's not love.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: No excuses.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Now think about this.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you're analyzing your partner's mood like a crime scene investigator looking for clues, that's the relationship stressor.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you have to ask yourself, do I feel comfortable being myself and expressing my thoughts with my partner?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're, as you're saying, Professor, if you're afraid and you you have to watch how you say things, when to say it, and when the when the check out the mood of your partner, though that's walking on eggshells.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a difference between walking on eggshells and giving some space.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Unlike, you know, uh here's a guy comes home from work, you know, it you don't go straight into him and you know, what you learn?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: What's that mean song?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, give him a little space, yes, take a shower, kiss the kids, get settled in, then you can ask your questions or whatever it is that you need to talk about.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's called giving your partner some room to just decompress.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's normal.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's nothing wrong with that.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have to tiptoe and be careful in everything you say, that's that's not healthy.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, no.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, that turns into something else.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why live your life unhappy?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's not love.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: And and as it grows from there.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now here's here's this this the second.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: This is number two.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: This is number this is number two.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: The we're gonna look at the second sign.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: You find yourself apologizing for everything.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: You apologize when you're hurt, you apologize for bringing up a problem.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: You apologize for asking for something that you need.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Eventually, you may even apologize for apologizing.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's called sorry syndrome.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, an apologist.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, an apologist, yeah.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: That that is someone who has lost their strength, yes, has lost their voice, has lost a confidence, and who has just let just given up.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And everything that happens, they've taken it as their fault.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing out of their mouth is, I'm sorry, I'll do better.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, we we've had had cases where it's the spouse will come or the the partner will come in and it's not the food that they want, and they'll just throw all the dishes off the table.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then here's the other partner.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's my I'll I'll I'll fix something else, I'm sorry.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's toxic.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: That is that's toxic and that's kind of abusive.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's not kind of that's a let's just call it what it is, yes.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's we like to to try and justify behavior, but that's that's not good behavior, right?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So uh these are the times where and these are we're just going into a little touch of this, you know, and if any of this is affecting you in your life, or this is like you'll you're listening to this going, oh my god, this is me.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we haven't even touched the surface yet.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: We've become done.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: We won't there's just so much just so much.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if this sounds like something that's going on in your life, pick up the phone, call us, call somebody, get some help.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Get some help.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because think about this.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: If if I'm sorry has become your relationship's official theme song, your self-esteem is probably funding the entire concert.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because it it chips away from from your self-esteem and until there's nothing left of you.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: When you allow things like this to keep chipping, chipping, chipping, your confidence, your self-respect, your self-worth, everything just diminishes, and you just become this empty shell, just living.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you keep telling yourself, but I love it.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love him.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or things will change.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Things will change.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: If this is you, please, and if this is something that is physical, call the hotline.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Get some help.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Don't stay in a relationship that is toxic to the point where it's abusive.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Good point.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the third sign that your relationship may be toxic is your feelings are constantly dismissed.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, you don't your feelings don't matter.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: You you you could tell your partner, you know, that that that really hurt me.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And what you might get back is, oh, you're too sensitive.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or you might say, you know, I I need to talk to you.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then the response might be something like, here we go again.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: But as time goes on, you may begin to start thinking, why say anything?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: My feelings or concerns don't even matter.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so then it shuts you up.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Was that or they blame themselves and they go, It's me.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I'm just I'm I'm too needy.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: So now you're just gonna clam up and not say anything.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: That is toxic.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: There is behavior where you could be too clingy, but it comes off differently.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: When someone, when you voice your concerns and the words they've used or their behaviors hurt you, and you say, hey, you know, that hurt me.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And they will suck it up.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Put your big girl panties on or put your big boy pants on.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's dismissive.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's take that's what it's saying to you is I don't give a shit about your feelings.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And your feelings matter.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: Your feelings and your emotions matter.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, here's the thing: your feelings aren't proof that they intentionally meant to hurt you.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: But if your feelings are constantly being ignored, that's a sign that you don't take lightly.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Don't take it lightly.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's because your feelings matter, you matter.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: You you when you dis when you dismiss it, you've given power.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you've given them power over you.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you when you've been your feelings have been hurt, where you've uh been subjected to no one listening or hearing you, you have to speak calmly.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: You have to say, listen, you've done this several times.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: I keep saying to you this hurts me, and you keep dismissing.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you gotta do it with calmness.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you just jump in and go, rah, then because two people going at each other, nothing's nobody hears anything.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, in relationships, you can have two people at the same butt heads and don't want to listen.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you have to take the approach calmly.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you get no results, there's your sign.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's your sign.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't for you.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't use the word I love them as an excuse because love isn't that.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you that for a fact.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Love does nothing like that.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So listen.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: If this affects you, then start doing something about it.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And think up, think about this.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: It it's kind of like taking your car to a mechanic because it's making a strange noise, right?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're told, ah, just turn up the music and you won't even hear it.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: That'll be$300, please.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I wish it was so simple.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Wish we could tell people, just tell them.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just turn up the music.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: You won't hear a thing.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: You it'll be okay.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's not, unfortunately, that's not how it goes.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: There are too many people out there that don't want to stir anything or say anything because they don't want to be on their own.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: They want that relationship so bad.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we do have a podcast pertaining to Yeah.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Being about yourself.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: But the the sad part is you're choosing for the wrong reason.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we stay in it.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just that, is we're we're caught up in the bling, the good looks, the pearly whites, whatever's simple, whatever's holding you there.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's fine, whatever that's holding you, get caught up in that.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: In that lust, that moment where it's oh, you know, Judge Judy has a stain, you know, beauty fades, dummies forever.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and we remember outside is is going to change over time.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yes.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, I was a a decent looking young man.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm just old and wrinkly.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: But if you find someone with a good heart and that will listen, people can change, but they only change with because they want to change.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they're made to.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you find a man who's willing to, because we're not all perfect.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And some men and women only go by what their environment was.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if they're willing to change and fix whatever that's going on with them and tone down or whatever they need to do, then that's maybe worth giving it a shot.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times you have boss women that pick these guys and they say, Oh, they're too sensitive.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: I need a man.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I need a real man.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or they pick the bad boy or bad girl, and they're they're they're too sensitive, or you know, they're not man enough, or they're not woman enough.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You want a man that's gonna treat you right, a woman that's gonna treat you right.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: You want the qualities of what a real loving relationship is.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: So don't put up with the bad behavior.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the fourth sign is love starts feeling more like control.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Your partner wants to know where you are all the time, who you're talking to on the phone.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: They criticize your friends, they monitor your social media, they make decisions about your about your family for you.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, you you you you you've you've seen your family last weekend, you're not going this weekend, or uh you're on social media, why are you liking this person?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, why are you following this person?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: So look out for the this sign as well, because there's a big difference between someone caring for you and someone controlling you, and that's all about control.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: When when they start monitoring your whereabouts, your your phone situation, social media, then that's control.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: If someone, if you breathe too hard, why are you breathing so why are you doing this, why are you doing that, and that type of control where you can't breathe, you can't go nowhere, you can't do nothing, no, that's right, even down to the to the wire of what you're wearing.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now I was I know you're getting ready to say it, but you know, there's a difference between and and I knew where you're going with like I said, someone caring for you and someone controlling you.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead, Professor.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because if my partner puts something on, she said, What do you think?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, doesn't really go or it's wrinkly or whatever, you know, they'll go change it or fix it or whatever.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: If a if a man tells his partner, hey, that's a little bit too risky, or you know, well, I want to wear what I want to wear.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: And a perfect example, and I'm gonna let you cover that.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Go for it because I know what we're talking about here.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: We we watched uh we we we love this this program.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: And this gentleman chose this young lady from a lineup, and she was beautiful, had had a lovely outfit on.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: It was a little revealing, low cut.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: And he chose her, and they're up front, and he said, Now, I need to ask you if I choose you, if if we see if this is gonna work, and I ask you to tone down your dress coat that it, you know, it's a little revealing, would you do that?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, No, I'll wear what I want to wear, and pop the balloon.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's not control.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he was and and not to not not to catch your professor, but he was a very established young man.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Good looking too.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not control.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I I know we're probably gonna get some well, we'll I should be able to know there's a difference because when I'm a man that has a business, he's around people and he wants to take you somewhere.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe even maybe uh around his family.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: He wants to introduce you to family or take you to uh a corporate event or something, and you're dressed like you're uh you know going to the club or from the streets, that's not the type of woman he and and he's being upfront with it.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's different.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I w and I'm glad we're clarifying that because you're not gonna be uh I want to dress the way I want to dress.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's a difference between control.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: And if you if you meet a a nice established partner or someone that you want to be your partner, whether it's male or female, and you you speak of uh uh dress codes or dress maybe tastes, that should be something that can could should be worked out.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but uh again, if one is if it's to the extreme of uh whether the the guy is sagging or wearing something really wild, and the young lady may be wearing something more revealing.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to be in a relationship, some there's a give and take.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: So just just so you know, there is a give and take.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to be in a relationship, absolutely.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was out the other day and my my my partner says to me, she said, uh, you're gonna wear that?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, uh yeah, we're gonna have for dinner.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, uh put a big boy shirt on.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't offended.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, she's probably right.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I put a big boy shirt on.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Did you feel like a big boy?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know me.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm a Schultz and t-shirt, flip-flops type of guy.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but it's good that the give and take is there.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: And think about this: love shouldn't come with a warning label that reads, don't say the wrong thing, don't do the wrong thing, don't wear the wrong thing, or you will self-destruct.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: It it's there's a compromise in relationships.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to be in a relationship with someone that is uh successful, and but again, it was that choice that on on the show that she made.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure there's there's there are many people that may go through that.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: But just so you know, healthy relationships are where both parties feel safe, valued, heard, and equal.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're gonna go to the fifth sign that you're in a toxic relationship.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Your boundaries are repeatedly ignored.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: You say, Don't speak like that to me, or I you know, I I really need a little space.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Or you may say something like, You're being so mean to me and I I don't deserve it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: But you are continuously being ignored and disrespected.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's toxic.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And we kind of touched on that.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Your boundaries should be respected.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are there for a reason.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when we set our boundaries, we should stick to them.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: We shouldn't keep moving them around to suit somebody.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: We should hold tight to those boundaries.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they yes.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people like moving those boundaries around to fit the relationship.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of you saying, this is my boundary, this is where it stays.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when someone crosses that boundary, then you need to hold them accountable.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly but not keep moving the boundary back and back and to the side and around the corner just to try and fit the relationship.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have no boundaries.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: So someone's constantly criticizing you, someone's constantly uh this you know, dissing you about what you uh what about your feelings.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you say that, no, this this really this really hurts me when you say this, calling you out of your name, and just coming in late.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you say, okay, I'm not going to accept you coming in at two o'clock in the morning.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you we're in a relationship and you know, I expect you to come at a decent hour.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if that keeps getting crossing they're coming in at four in the morning or not coming back at all, you know, these are boundaries that you have to set for yourself.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And keep.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and keep them.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if they keep breaking and crossing you those boundaries, then that's that's kind of toxic.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: When in sports, the goal pulse isn't moved to fit the game.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: So are you to fit the relationship?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's a good point.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, know what boundaries are.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries are about communicating what you will and won't tolerate and what's comfortable and acceptable as it pertains to your relationship.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like protecting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Is that right, Professor?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: When one of the things that starts tearing away your boundaries is the first thing to go is the calling of each out of each other's name.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you start calling, yes.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that you're the bitches, the hoes, you ain't shit, you you ain't a man, or all these things back and forth.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's the beginning.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it gets worse, it gets worse.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's just the beginning.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's crossing the boundaries.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then that starts getting into the disrespect part.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna talk more.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I won't talk more on that when we get to the next one.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And think about this.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you if you've commit communicated the same boundaries and they're still being ignored, it's like this you have a do not disturb sign on your door.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: And someone still comes in, knocks on it, and asks if you're busy.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there's your sign, you have the sign out.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: So in a relationship, it that really should be some of the first things that you both need to discuss is boundaries.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Where are your boundaries?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: What are your boundaries?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: So that you both know what not to cross if you want the relationship to work.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: We've said that so many times.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: People don't we tell our clients that come in, set boundaries, know where you how far you want things to go.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you have a fence around your property, you've got a boundary.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Your neighbor comes over the fence, there's consequences.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: You cross the boundaries.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Then then keep the boundaries, stop moving them.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: And because uh again, if your boundaries are constantly being ignored, you know, whether it's uh time to to come in from going out or maybe dress codes or what what have you, you have to sit down at the beginning of a relationship and discuss what you will and will not tolerate.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we've said that in in uh uh dating podcasts and stuff.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you first meet someone, get to know them.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, set boundaries.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I expect.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you're gonna be dating, we're gonna if we're gonna start learning, this is things I like, and I'm I'm conscious about this.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Set the set the rules.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because we we have a podcast of how many times uh you'll give uh how many times they can cheat, pretty much.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and so honey.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: In my my dating time, my my dating years, you mess up one time, that's it.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: So but yeah.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Watch them boundless.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Number six.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: Number six?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it's criticism has replaced encouragement.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now, when this happens, it shifts the relationship from a place of emotional safety to being defensive and resentful.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Encouragement would look like this.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: I enjoyed what you cooked for dinner last night, but maybe a little bit less salty next time, but it was very good.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now, criticism would be would sound like this.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Dinner was too salty, so you you definitely need cooking classes.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or go learn from my mama.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Have my mama teach you.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's yeah, the point is if criticism becomes a regular part of the relationship, you may start to feel unloved, distance will grow for sure, and intimacy will begin to fade.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's the start of teardown.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you start criticizing and demeanoring, chipping, chipping, chipping, chipping at the relationship.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Then you're stupid, you're a dumbass, you can't cook, you ain't this, and you start breaking them down.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: They're tearing at every fiber of your being, they're belittling you to the point where they take you down to where you believe that you're nothing.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's definitely a red flag.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, pay attention to those signs.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if if and if that's that needs to be a boundary as uh as well.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about boundaries.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries include you you're not gonna you're not gonna tolerate criticism, you're not gonna criticize it to where you're making me feel like I'm nothing or can't do anything.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: That happens when you have men and women who have low self-esteem, that don't believe in themselves enough.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And someone finds that weakness in the teardown and they keep on it, and they keep on it because they can see they're tearing you down to make you nothing.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's not it isn't you per se, it's just something going on with with your partner.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: And a little bit is you because you're allowing it.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well you've lost your strength.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where we're saying find your find your strength.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Find your find your strength because it may not be you, it just may be something going on inside of that partner of yours to criticize you.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: It may be some things that that they experienced in their younger years.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Behavior is learned.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: And and you want someone in your life that we're not saying to baby you and say, we're good, go, go, go, go.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: We're saying find someone who's going to encourage you, who's going to motivate you, who's going to lift you up in the same way you lift them up.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of tear you down.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: Now think about this.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Your your partner shouldn't be your personal reviewer, you know, like uh the the review, uh, the re review site.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: They shouldn't be highlighting your flaws on Instagram reels.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they in other words, they shouldn't put your your business out.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: She can't cook.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: She's you know, she's about nothing.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: She she doesn't know how how to keep a house clean.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: She's she doesn't do dishes.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know what we're talking about, go to uh social media podcast um episode.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you live your life through social media, it only makes it worse.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: So every when you put negative things about your partner on social media, that's tearing them down.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's not that's and it's worse because now you've said it in front of everybody.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the whole world's seeing it.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now the point, here's the point you deserve constructive communication, not constant fault finding making you feel unimportant.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, constructive criticism is fine, but yeah, the the constant fault finding, that's a red, that's a red flag.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, here's number seven.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: You're stuck in the same cycle.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's hurt, apology, everything is wonderful.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Then you're hurt again, here comes the apology, then things become wonderful again.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: This cycle is very unhealthy, and that is very toxic because your brain tells you, uh tells you uh again that maybe this time it's different.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or and and then at the same old behavior comes back at on back on the scene.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's toxic.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: When you again you're giving them a way out that maybe this time will be different, you know, after the cycle happened seven, eight times, and you're still saying, Well, maybe this time when when the apology comes, well, maybe this time will be different.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is like number 10.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's that we see that.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, a young lady who we met um hates the relationship, but she say he says he's sorry, but then great sex, and it's back to back together again.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Now, it here's a here's a little light.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's like putting a beautiful bow on the same gift you return three times.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: You keep returning the gift, but you keep getting the same gift back.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: With with a bow on it.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you return it in, here it comes back again with a bow on it.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now, an apology is great, but real change is shown through patterns, not failed promises.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the promises keep keeps are keep failing, that's not a promise.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's just an excuse.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: If someone says, I'm sorry, I want to do it again, and they do it again, and they do it again, hello, how many more times are you gonna forgive them or say that this is this time is different?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now, here's number eight.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: You're losing yourself.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's this is deep.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: Think about who you were before the relationship.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: These are things that you you should be thinking you should be asking yourself or looking into.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: Are you spending time with the people you love?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: Are you still pursuing your interests?
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: And are you happy and laughing?
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: And what about this?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: Are you able to express your opinion?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: And are you able to make plans for yourself?
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: All these things you can lose yourself.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: You you you don't take time for yourself, you can't express yourself, you can't pursue, you want to go to school, but you can't because your partner says, We don't have the money, or no, you you have to work, you know, we need the we need the money.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and that's those are red flags.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes they pull you away from people you love.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big red flag.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Please watch out for that, where they they pull you away from people that you love and that they isolate you.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, isolate you from people who and the reason they do that is because they don't want people feeding into you and telling you this is happening.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: So they isolate you, keep you isolated, and all these things that we talk about compound in this and isolation.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and a lot of a lot of that we talk about, trust us.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: We've experienced this through our clients through the years that we've been working with people, and we've seen uh as I I've had a client that was in school, and then when she got the partner, not even married, they were just they they were just dating and and then they began to live together.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: She had to stop school because he wanted her to work.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that was her desire was to finish school and she was halfway there and had to stop.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: Don't ever let someone pull stop you from your from higher learning.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now, think about this.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people don't realize how much of themselves they lose of themselves until they start looking around and stop shrinking to fit into someone else's life.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: You shrink yourself to fit in someone's life.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: And until you stop and look around and say, Oh my gosh, I'm I'm down to nothing because I'm fitting in their box.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: You'll see it because the world will become bigger than you.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everything will seem so overwhelming because you've shrunk down so small.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: You've given up.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: You've given up your dreams, you've given up your your friends, you've given up laughing.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's listen.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have laughing is if each of you are not making each other laugh every day, then yeah, you got a problem.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: You should be laughing and having fun because that's the purpose.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: Two people should be coming together to build something, right?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Two people should be able to have separate their own little space.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: But you still come together to build and to have stuff, but in that, in that nucleus that you've created of both of you, should be laughter, should be love, should be fun, should be experiences, and they should.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not dressing this up as this is the best candy relationship.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, relationships are going to be up and down.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're working together and strong together, you can come through these bad times.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Even in bad times, you can make each other laugh.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: But there's always something that you can you can laugh about, you can get your partner to laugh, you can come out with a uh silly close or clothes inside out or just something to make your partner laugh.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Laughter is glue to a relationship, and we can't stress that enough, and we may even have to do a podcast on that.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: But laughter is the glue to a relationship, and we we're gonna we we will do that.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I just want to say this real quick stay posted with us, listeners, because we'll get to that.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lovely couple I met a long time ago, and I asked, What was the thing that a relationship should always have?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: And they both said it at the same time laughter.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: You should be able to cry together and laugh together.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you I And they were married for 60 something years.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've watched on uh on one of the, I won't name it, one of the social medias, and there's this elderly couple.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure they were they were married for 50, 60 years, because they they were up there and they were still making each other laugh.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so cute.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: So think about that.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I said just stay listening to us because we're gonna do we're gonna do something on that.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's very important.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now, a healthy relationship should be we, not losing yourself in you.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Love should add to your identity, not replace it.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, here's number nine.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're emotionally exhausted more than you're emotionally supported.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: Relationships require work, as we said before.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're constantly anxious, drained, confused, or emotionally depleted, don't dem don't dismiss those feelings.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: Your feelings are signaling that something in the relationship needs to change.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: Your body and spirit recognize what your heart is trying to justify.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we spoke of justifying in excusing away behaving.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: Love should bring peace, not chaos, clarity, not confusion, support, not exhaustion.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: Your emotions may be telling you what you've been unwilling to admit.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: And when you interact with your partner, do you feel connected?
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel heard?
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel comforted?
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel like you're competing in an emotional marathon with no finish line in sight?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now, your relationship shouldn't require a stress ball in every room.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely not.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: So think about your your emotional state in a relationship.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Any um any comments, Professor?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now here's a note a healthy relationship should be a stress-free zone.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're gonna go to number 10.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: You keep explaining away behavior that hurts you.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is it's been repeated throughout because it's very important.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: This one might be a little uncomfortable because sometimes we make excuses for people we love.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: When a partner starts acting up, you may come up with excuses to explain away bad behavior.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you might say, they're just stressed out right now.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, that's just kind of how they were raised, or they really didn't mean it.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Or you might you might hear, deep down, you know, they're a really good person.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the clincher.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's my fault.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: I caught them at a bad time, or I said the wrong thing.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or my tone wasn't right.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: I will, I I was a little harsh and happy.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, stop just trying to justify the bad behavior.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Bad behavior.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, while some explanations may be valid, when you continue to excuse disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, controlling behavior, and other harmful actions, you may be ignoring serious problems with your relationship.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: Professor?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna give you this the short version here.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: If someone is beating you down, cursing you at your name, treating like you don't exist, and making you feel like you wish you never woke up the next day.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to pack your bags and leave.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, stop excusing because that is not a relationship that anyone should be in.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't even put my dog in a relationship like that.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: Stop excusing bad behavior.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you excuse it, you say it's okay.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay, and they keep doing and doing.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: You give them the green light.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: So bad behavior is like a leaking roof.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of fixing the roof, you just buy more buckets.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: And awareness is recognizing the pattern you've been trying to explain away.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: Be aware.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: Be aware of all that's going on in your relationship and all these pointers.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: You can go back and look at all the pointers, but be aware of what's going on in the relationship.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you're when you're out and about, you're aware of what's going on around you.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's the same thing you should do in your doing in your relationship.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: You should be aware of what's going on around you.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: How are you being affected, how are you being treated?
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying you should be treated like a baby princess.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what's wrong with that?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with being treated like a princess or a prince?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, I can give you that one.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm saying is that strong relationships require communication, dedication, and respect.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have those, you don't have a relationship.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, in closing, we want to say you don't have to label your partner a toxic person to realize the relationship is unhealthy for you.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't have to prove that the relationship is bad enough to make an exit.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: You just need to be real with yourself and that it's not good enough for you.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to make a major decision the moment you see a problem, but notice patterns that add up to or are equal to not being acceptable and not being tolerable.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, question is Are you in a toxic relationship?
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're still not sure, and that's okay.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: But don't have to walk away from this conversation with an answer.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to walk away from this conversation with an answer.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the first Step is making a decision.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the first step is becoming honest with yourself.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to the patterns.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to how you feel.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to whether your concerns are heard, whether your boundaries are respected, whether apologies are followed by real change, and whether you still recognize yourself inside the relationship.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, don't lose yourself just to be in a relationship.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: Professor, any last thoughts?
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: Just remember, saying I love them doesn't fix the relationship.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not saying that it's either one man or one because it happens to both sides.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_00: This was a good topic.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: I like this one.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: Listeners, thank you.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: We appreciate your support.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are being listened to globally.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: And one of our staff members showed us the stats, and we were blown away.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have people, Asia, um Europe, Europe, Africa, you name it.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: There we're being listened to all over, and that is so exciting.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: If we can change a little bit of your relationship to make it better, then this is worth it.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: We we we struggle back and forth with what we were gonna do these podcasts because we already have enough on our plate, but we felt like this was something to be able to reach people just to get the the brain rolling.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we so thank you, everybody.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um thank you for the coffee.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, thank you for the c oh my goodness.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for for uh uh all the shout-outs.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, if you want to come to our meeting groups, greets, send us an email, I'll tell you where it is.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: We keep it small groups so that people can ask more than one question.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: And um, did I miss anything?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if e even if you're in other countries, we can do we can do Zoom.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: We can do Zoom, we do virtual.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we do a lot of virtual uh uh coaching.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to do a group or individual, no matter where you are around the world, we can set it up, we can make it happen, we can get to you.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we would and we would love that.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: We would love to have meet and greets wherever you are in the world.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Professor.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Listeners, please remember this.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're not foolish for loving someone who isn't loving you in the way that you need.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: You're human.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can love someone and still be aware that the relationship isn't healthy.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you can understand someone's past and and not excuse their behavior.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: You can care deeply about a relationship while caring more about you.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of asking, is my relationship toxic?
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself, do I feel safe expressing my thoughts, needs, and boundaries?
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_01: And do I feel anxious, confused, or feel like I'm walking on eggshells?
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: Can we resolve conflicts respectfully?
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_01: Am I staying because I'm happy or just afraid to leave?
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_01: And am I respected and valued?
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: And most importantly, am I becoming more of who I am in this relationship?
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because relationship growth isn't about finding someone who's perfect, it's about becoming more aware of what you need, what you value, what you will accept, and is this relationship allowing you to thrive?
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because relationships in relationships you should be growing, as Professor said earlier.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: It should be helping you to grow.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: Now we want to thank all of you for joining us and allowing us to be part of your journey.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_01: Please give us a like, follow us, and download this episode so you'll have it for later.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: Also, share this podcast with someone who may benefit from hearing this today's conversation.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you can find us at relationship coaching group dot com, where you can email us if you have any questions, comments, or just want to learn about the services we offer.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: Also on our website, you'll get to learn a little more about us.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: As relationship coaches, we're not here to judge you or tell you what to do.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're here to help you understand what you're ex what you're experiencing.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, you're not alone.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: Together, we got this.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: We got you.