Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 148: The Tone of Your Home, Championing Women, and What’s Next with Courtney DeFeo

Transcript

Episode 148: The Tone of Your Home, Championing Women, and What’s Next with Courtney DeFeo · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

0:06
[SPEAKER_01]: This is Cynthia Gannoff, and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
0:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey friends, welcome to the podcast.
0:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you had a great mother's day, and if nothing else, I hope that you're family remembered that it was Mother's Day.
0:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really, I don't, I don't want to brag, but I got kind of bougie in what I asked for this mother's day.
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I asked for a candle.
0:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I asked for new endies to which my husband was like, um, I don't know that you need to ask those.
0:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just go buy those.
0:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but you know what, I can ask for what I asked for people.
0:40
[SPEAKER_01]: A new curling iron, um, what else?
0:44
[SPEAKER_01]: A cross necklace that looks almost identical to a necklace with a cross on it that I already have, but it's mother's day.
0:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can ask for what I ask for, okay, everybody.
0:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, it was a fun day.
0:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I get to be with my mom and my mother-in-law and
0:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So, very grateful for all of those sweet moments.
0:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know, sometimes Mother's Day can be hard for so many.
1:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want you to know that we are with you on that.
1:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hope that you got through it.
1:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a good day and off we go talking about Motherhood with my friend Courtney Defeio, who is on today.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, some of you may be thinking away that sounds so familiar.
1:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Courtney Defeo is the host of the Pardon-Mess podcast.
1:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you remember, that is a podcast I started many years ago.
1:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And then as I transitioned out of the podcast, Courtney came on and took over the host for a couple of years.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you something, what could have been a hard transition, what could have been difficult for both of us in that type of situation.
1:37
[SPEAKER_01]: She was incredible.
1:38
[SPEAKER_01]: She championed me, hopefully she feels like I championed her.
1:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And we just went on like seamlessly
1:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It has been incredible to see God continue to use that podcast, that ministry and how well Courtney has done that and just the friendship that we have together now.
1:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So she has an announcement about that, about part of the mess, but today also I just wanted her to come on and talk to us about all the things she's learned.
2:01
[SPEAKER_01]: She has literally been doing a podcast for three years on parenting.
2:04
[SPEAKER_01]: What does she learn?
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: What matters?
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: What is she doing differently in her own parenting?
2:08
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk a little bit about empty nesting, we're going to talk about the tone
2:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna talk about cheerleading other women and I just love her and she's the real deal.
2:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just grateful she came on the show to chat with us so you guys, here we go.
2:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's kick it off with Courtney to fail.
2:27
[SPEAKER_01]: What's your name, Courtney?
2:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Defeo, Cynthia, yeah, and a good morning.
2:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, good morning.
2:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't we do this more?
2:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
2:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I look like right down the road.
2:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I wish we could pass each other to target.
2:38
[SPEAKER_02]: We could do a main target run together.
2:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Gosh, would we have fun?
2:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
2:42
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom kind of went on a boycott target, little band that I get for a while.
2:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, I just think it'd be good if you too would boycott it.
2:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, if you're listening to boycott it, more power to you.
2:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I lasted one day, one day on the weekend.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm like, so now my mom gives me her list at what she wants from target.
3:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And so then I have to go.
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So if we go, I'll be buying for myself and my mother.
3:07
[SPEAKER_02]: That is hilarious, like my heart earned money will not go into support, but Cynthia, get me some eggs, give me some, give me a tank top and some earrings.
3:17
[SPEAKER_01]: The countertop spray that they only carry there.
3:20
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, let me tell you, Walmart is really stepping up.
3:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that my friends at live in Arkansas were their headquarters.
3:27
[SPEAKER_01]: They definitely have better stores, but there's some cute things.
3:31
[SPEAKER_01]: They do, they have those Walmart influencers too that like show you all the stuff that you need to be buying.
3:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have the, and I don't mean to be Bayesian, everybody calm down.
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I have that delivery service through them where you pay like 50 bucks a year or something.
3:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
3:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm telling you what, they're dropping off dog food and water bottles in Caprice, man.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like three times a week.
3:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we are on, I mean, they're dropping stuff all the time.
3:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Wait, I don't think I knew this.
3:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I have like, ordered where they deliver, but there's a $50 like,
4:00
[SPEAKER_02]: They just come as many times as you want.
4:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I got it, like around Christmas, guys.
4:03
[SPEAKER_01]: They have sales and there's something on it.
4:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Big Spender.
4:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you all to think that I'm just killing it over your own best for us.
4:11
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll tell you your show for getting you for lunch.
4:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So, Courtney, to fail.
4:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell everybody what's your story, where your people, what's happening over there.
4:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, Lord, where do we begin?
4:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, currently, at this moment, I reside in the Dallas Fort Worth area.
4:27
[SPEAKER_02]: and have two girls, one that just got home from Auburn.
4:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I may have had confetti in the driveway of Sir Freshman Year that you helped prep me for them.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So happy to have her home this summer that I have a rising senior one that's just finishing at Virginia Year that very desperately wants to go.
4:42
[SPEAKER_02]: With her sister's Auburn, I brainwashed them.
4:45
[SPEAKER_02]: They're four generations, so it's just kind of in the family I have a husband that I've been married to 23 years this month.
4:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that right?
4:52
[SPEAKER_02]: 23.
4:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
4:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
4:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
4:54
[SPEAKER_02]: We got married the same day as Chip and Joanna.
4:55
[SPEAKER_02]: What about that?
4:56
[SPEAKER_02]: We didn't wow.
4:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, you know that has to last.
4:59
[SPEAKER_01]: My dream is to work with with them somehow someday
5:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like you could.
5:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like you're talking about this for about five years.
5:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's nothing but okay keep going so okay.
5:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's it.
5:09
[SPEAKER_02]: He we were he was recruited to work for an airline about 10 years ago.
5:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So we've been here about a decade I wine and say I'm homesick all the time, but we are very close to our family and they are all back in the Atlanta area, but I'm currently
5:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Currently, I am the host of part in the mess podcast, not for very much longer, but I got that from you and what a privilege to be able to just take the mic from you and pass on some encouragement to parents.
5:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the next season we'll talk about is going to involve some speaking, maybe some moving.
5:36
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll see.
5:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Lots of transition coming.
5:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Lots of transition coming.
5:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
5:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a whole lot in that that we're going to get to all of that in just second, but having, okay, so part of the mess, if anyone's like the under rock, so I started part of the mess, I'm thinking how many years you've had it how many years I've had it three and you had it three, right?
5:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's got to be 2020.
5:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Does that feel right?
6:00
[SPEAKER_01]: This has been six years something like that anyway.
6:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so that was a original podcast the first one I ever started back a million trillion years ago, and I was a part of a ministry, and I was like I think you'll need a a parenting podcast And that's like early on podcasting.
6:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I and they were like okay good idea.
6:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't you do it?
6:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like what?
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, not me.
6:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I don't know anything.
6:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I can barely turn on a computer and anyway, man did the Lord do mine with that podcast.
6:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then how gracious that I handed it off and you took it and you've run with it.
6:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm interested having been on that show for a long time.
6:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You and I have interviewed a lot of cool people on it.
6:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
6:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, anyone that comes to mind or anything that sticks with you, stories, quotes, like what all these years of doing that what what stays with you as you're getting ready to walk away from it.
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there's so many.
6:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you go into it like Lord your comedy do this.
6:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to encourage moms and then I'm like, I'm so glad I get to show it for these conversations because I and like,
7:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Touch and encourage even in my season of parenting.
7:03
[SPEAKER_02]: There's people that share stuff that I might bought it, know that.
7:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Why didn't I do that?
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: 10 years ago, but a couple of us stand out.
7:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Jamie went ship just by far is an author, but he was used to be milled to know secret service, or CIA, or police man.
7:18
[SPEAKER_02]: He's done so many cool things in the world.
7:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Policemen, I don't know who he really was in the police force, but he tells these incredible stories of like God intersecting his life.
7:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe when he was on the police force, uh, they were looking for a missing child and he said that his stomach always turns he gets Nogis when he feels like guys nudging him and he said that car and he pulled over the car and the kid was in the back of the Trunt oh my gosh, so stuff like that
7:41
[SPEAKER_02]: that rumor like God is like incredible and then he goes on to tell a story about his kids saying he really isn't identity and finding your identity and they were about to move overseas with the US government and his son said dad I'm going to be a skateboarder for God that's my identity and he could have laughed at him but he did it and he ended up taking his skateboard to like
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Iraq or some are crazy and the stories that came from God using this little boy in his skateboard just will just in and this what we wanted on part of the mess was like let's talk about Jesus let's talk about growing our kids in faith but also just being trusting God is they like he can do miraculous things and they're not too young to hear from the Holy Spirit so that one was major to like series that come to mind that were really special for me I think because where I was in the season last summer I did an empty nest or wisdom series
8:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Pretty much cried every episode, but it was about just that fear of letting go and moving into a new season and I had just all these different moms I'd mire just say like okay, this is coming but you're not gonna die.
8:41
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not gonna die And then one other series I've loved that we did is a mentor one.
8:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I had on some people that Could just bring an area that you could focus on and then go to lunch and talk with your mentor whether it's about time management or Your marriage is so those were really special for me, too, so just a few
9:00
[SPEAKER_01]: any particular mentoring advice that you took that stays with you?
9:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Gosh, there's one.
9:05
[SPEAKER_02]: She's 70 something years old, Elaine Franklin, and she talked about, I love to help everyone every, and you're the same way.
9:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we just care about people.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you have about 55 podcasts.
9:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like more is better.
9:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And she talked about like the circle of care is smaller.
9:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm no bigger.
9:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Circle of care is bigger and she talks about time management.
9:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Circle of response ability is smaller and she was like, you can care about 300 people, but you're only called in responsible to your husband, your family, your own life.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And that was helpful to me because I want to be like the savior and solve all the world's problems and God's like they're not all your responsibility.
9:41
[SPEAKER_02]: You can care.
9:42
[SPEAKER_02]: But you're not responsible.
9:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So that was majorly helpful for me to hear that.
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel guilt around that a lot of times like no man I should have stepped in in this place.
9:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I should step in a help here and I'm like,
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I am only one person with 3,000 podcasts.
9:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So who did Rhine do the circle of care?
9:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I don't know how responsible for her.
9:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like it's easier to love my neighbor than my own husband.
10:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And so that was also convicting to go like, do I really have the right people in the course circle?
10:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's so good.
10:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Just from your own experience, your race or in the process of raising two girls, did you say that you're one from Auburn's Arty home?
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
10:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She got to make first.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, they get out so early.
10:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love, by the way, I'm going to tell you all this.
10:23
[SPEAKER_01]: When your kid's going to college, I mean, I was devastated, especially number one, because I didn't know what to expect.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And then number two left, I mean, number three I'll be here for a long time.
10:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But in which you left, and I'm like, I don't know how we're going to, I mean, I don't know what this looks like, and I was devastated.
10:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hate, I love it, you guys, and they come home.
10:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hate it when they leave.
10:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time when they leave, I mean, I'm like, oh, this isn't that bad.
10:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of quiet in the house again.
10:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's clean air.
10:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's a funny.
10:48
[SPEAKER_01]: juxtaposition for me, you know, with them being gone, and I, and I went them back, but when they're back, I'm like, it's a lot of people that want to eat, there's a lot of masks, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
11:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think from the moms perspective and think as I look at my own life and then I see a lot of girls in my home.
11:19
[SPEAKER_02]: We love to be the home.
11:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's a lot of girls that come in and out my home.
11:23
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think they need encouragement and Jeff Henderson talked about this on the episode with me is like 10 times and we critique about double that.
11:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think if I look at my life like they say they bring home a folder today.
11:35
[SPEAKER_02]: and they've got all these grades and you look through and you're like, oh, a, you know, 90 in science and not you look at all these papers, even from a little age, and then you see the 172 and you're like, what happened here?
11:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think they need correction, they need parenting, but they need encouragement, and especially girls are super insecure about, will I ever date and does my hair look right?
11:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And am I smart enough?
11:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's really for all kids, but
11:58
[SPEAKER_02]: We have a unique opportunity to be the one that really sees them and pull out specific.
12:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So recently, Ella had called, she was interviewing for something and she said, Mom, I feel not this application.
12:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, remind me what are my strengths and I was like, Ella, you are steady.
12:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And she was like, Mom, like three people have told me that in the last week, I'm like, you are like, I know you can't see it, but there is a steadiness to your personality that did not come for me because I'm a roller coaster up and down, but you are steady.
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And so,
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I think for parents, I would say just dial up the encouragement and really try not to nitpick.
12:31
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so easy to be like, are you wearing your shorts like that?
12:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And did you call this week?
12:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, did you call so and so are you friends of so and so?
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And they looked at me like, do you trust me at this point that I can pick my friends?
12:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, where are you still micro managing my friends?
12:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But, um, and then as far as girls, you talked about the book.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I do have a book on my heart that kind of says like, as you launch, like, I just want to encourage you.
12:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And,
12:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I think one of the chapters in there I would see is about just learning who you are because when I went to Auburn I exploited like I got out of the like label of who I was in high school and I was able to be the person that I thought was in there but I was too afraid to explore and what I've seen with Ella is like you know this is probably not great to compare but Larsen everyone knows around town she could be the president she could go to Europe tomorrow she's just super independent
13:19
[SPEAKER_02]: quiet reserve, not going to put herself out there, but she's blossoming and is so and I want to tell all girls like you have more in the tank that you've been too afraid to step out and show people and so that would be as I see all these girls go launch and like go for it try out like do the thing and just explore who you are and enjoy it.
13:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's a good word.
13:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that also even applies to moms.
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I see now on the flip side as moms start to empty nast.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm watching so many of my friends say, you know, well, I don't know, what do I do now?
13:50
[SPEAKER_00]: What's now?
13:51
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'll all I ever wanted to do is be a mom.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: All I ever wanted to do was raise kids and all, you know, like, and I have friends, it'll say, I'm just kind of mad at myself because I didn't keep something else going in.
14:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I know what's now.
14:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's a, that's a good word still to say, like, there's so much more in your tank still, for sure.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And go, go explore, go do the thing.
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, you can do this.
14:12
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord will bless it forever.
14:14
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord will bless it.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that's a good word for our daughters and for ourselves.
14:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And as we do those things, our daughters are watching.
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, exactly.
14:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I like, is my mom willing to get out there and still do the hard things or do the things that might be embarrassing or flop?
14:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And what a good word I think for all of us.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: What, um, what's your favorite age or stage as a mom?
14:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, for, I love age four.
14:38
[SPEAKER_02]: No, oh my gosh, I love age four like they all great like right now We're having a ton of fun.
14:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean we're needle pointing together.
14:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We're mushrooms.
14:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I've got like a little gray my friends It's just the best but age four for whatever reason like I am the mom that like I love and don't shoot me I just I'm not good at cooking.
14:56
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a million things.
14:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not good at but I love plank.
14:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I love
14:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I love imagination.
15:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I love the like dress-up parties and so age four it was like the cutest little version of my kids And Larson specifically was like my little buddy like she would go to preschool and we would like go around town And I cried so hard that last preschool moment because it was like now someone else gets her all day long And I'm like part of me.
15:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like should I home school and then I chickened out, but I really love age four and there's a lot I love about this phase two
15:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:27
[SPEAKER_01]: That's so specific, Courtney.
15:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, so in the other day, I was with a toddler and I was like, oh my gosh, I love age four, but hey, the moms of preschoolers are like, that sounds awesome that your kids like drive their own car.
15:38
[SPEAKER_02]: They shout with themselves.
15:39
[SPEAKER_02]: They make decision and there's a lot of benefit of that.
15:42
[SPEAKER_02]: For just like a cuteness factor, I would love to put like a go pro on all the age four people and just listen to it a little voices and just the silliness that happens.
15:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a lot of joy.
15:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my favorite age is high school slash college now knowing what I know and it's funny because now they're all enough to tell me what I wasn't good at back in the day, which is thank you very much me and Kate literally told me she's like you understand you're the worst player in the world like to play like you just said I'm like come on she's like mom think of one time that you like sat down and wanted to like play with a Barbie I'm like why?
16:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, imagine it.
16:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, what are you doing, Dining?
16:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I don't even know what to do.
16:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's so weird and so hates like telling me.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, you would sit down and be like, okay, everybody, let's play and show you members that it's an unfolding laundry on the side and returning a few emails.
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh no, I'm like, did I ruin you, okay?
16:37
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, no, I think we're gonna be okay, but I just wanted to make sure you knew you were bad at it.
16:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, she's like, no, I'm very creative actually because I can make this.
16:45
[SPEAKER_02]: thing a paper turned into a doll and talked to me.
16:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It's fine.
16:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I figured it out.
16:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Totally.
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do, I think I love, I've loved high school in college.
16:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that those younger years are so hard and maybe because I'm very socially aware and I would, I still with my youngest.
17:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it pains me when he's not vided to something or,
17:05
[SPEAKER_01]: all the kids have somewhere to go and mind didn't.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't do anything about it, but I felt it so much more than my kids did.
17:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Like weirdly felt this need for them to be included and to know that they are enough and to be seen.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like my high school everybody evens out.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody's kind of known for what they are.
17:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And nobody's trying to jockey as much as they used to.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know.
17:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like then your kids become like these people.
17:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Funny and yes, I mean they they dish it back out and hopefully not disrespectfully, but I don't know Oh, it's hysterical.
17:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hysterical when they call you out like they'll say Michael say something and they'll be like Okay, we both know you aren't gonna actually do that, but we love that you said you were cool And I'm like it's just funny that they can call it now.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll basically it.
17:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I was losing it one time I hate being trapped on a tarmac like there's nothing worse than like I were delayed and then two hours later like I'm gonna be the person that
17:56
[SPEAKER_02]: freaks out and opens the cargo bay door and jumps out because I just can't handle it but um they recited something in my first book to me.
18:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Larson was like 12 or 10 and she said, Mom, aren't we supposed to be patient like waiting with a happy heart?
18:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Like just literally recites the definition I taught her and I was like, yes, that was point.
18:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But can I go back to one thing you said that I just feel like I can't go past in a second?
18:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So we talked about just moms
18:27
[SPEAKER_02]: discovered this year is that I was really sad like I and I knew it was coming but August was just every time someone said how's Ella I would cry like cry I would walk by our room like I just could not stop crying I just had a lump of my throat at every day but a lot of the first month which is normal but one of the things I tried to do is not tell Ella or see it like if she was on the phone I'm like how are you because I didn't want her to carry my emotions but for to mine accidentally told her oh your mom cries all the time and
18:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And she said to me, like, mom, I want you to be okay.
18:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, she was carrying guilt and wait for me being sad.
19:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, it's both.
19:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited for you.
19:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just missed this not out of you.
19:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you were just here, it's weird.
19:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you were my dueling couch surfing the internet friend.
19:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, we just did that together.
19:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So all that to say is like careful with the tears as far as what they know and see and she wanted me to explore things.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: She was I want you to see you working.
19:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to see you having fun with your friends.
19:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so just remember it's both, but also your kids are excited about your next phase.
19:28
[SPEAKER_02]: They know you've been dedicated to their lives and they are excited to see you launch into some new.
19:33
[SPEAKER_02]: and divers too.
19:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So that was like sitting on my heart ahead of sure.
19:36
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good word.
19:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're not, if you're not maybe brave enough or willing to do it for yourself, yeah, do it for your kids.
19:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll do anything for our kids.
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they're they're watching and waiting, like go do your thing.
19:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so let's talk about championing women.
19:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I tell you this all the time.
19:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm on your show.
19:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Um,
19:54
[SPEAKER_01]: on part of the mess here and there you've been so gracious to have me on with books and other things.
19:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I say this all the time, I'll just say it again.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure I've met someone that champions women as well as you do.
20:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And me walking from part of the mess was hard and it going to someone else and what is going to look like this is my baby and part of the mess was big.
20:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It's still bigger than the ones I have or at least this one.
20:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, just
20:23
[SPEAKER_01]: just had a way about you.
20:24
[SPEAKER_01]: From the moment you DMed me to you, meeting me for lunch to you being like, let's do this together.
20:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's do this well.
20:30
[SPEAKER_01]: How can I help you?
20:31
[SPEAKER_01]: How can I support you?
20:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You prayed over me.
20:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it was such a natural transition, but even after that, we don't naturally run in the same world, but we talk here and there, encourage each other.
20:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I literally a few weeks ago was like, I need guests.
20:44
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, here's four names and here's how.
20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me set you up with them.
20:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, just always, always there and ready to champion.
20:51
[SPEAKER_01]: women.
20:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know it's not just me because I know you.
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Where did that come from?
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Was that something that was, like, ingrained in you?
20:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that?
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Or did it come from a place of not being champion in the past and you were going to do it differently or talk to us about that?
21:06
[SPEAKER_02]: me and that's a good question.
21:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I definitely had an amazing mom who is an encourager of every human.
21:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she sees people.
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: She's always like, you know, consider others better than yourself.
21:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she's just seeing the need right in front of her and just going for that.
21:20
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's two of point.
21:21
[SPEAKER_02]: She's probably so selfless that she gets kind of left.
21:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's my job as her daughter to go back and see mom.
21:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Like thank you.
21:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you.
21:28
[SPEAKER_02]: but she's just baked that way.
21:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I've also done it not done it well.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I look back at some moments in high school in college where I'm a three I believe on the Instagram like three wing two and I stepped on people to win and I didn't like how I felt at the end of that and as I've grown in my relationship with the Lord I'm like there should be no competition if we are Christian women.
21:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Like there is enough room on the internet.
21:48
[SPEAKER_02]: There's enough pages and books.
21:50
[SPEAKER_02]: There is enough
21:51
[SPEAKER_02]: lunch dates.
21:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, and I think for my kids, I always reverse it to say, how would that make you feel?
21:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I know you're like, just to find, like, why didn't invite her or whatever, or I'm jealous, and I'm not gauturing her on.
22:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Why did she get that?
22:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, how would that make you feel if no one showed up for you and saw you?
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think a lot of our roles as moms is very unseen and we're doing things behind the scenes that no one ever notices.
22:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I just think it's a special ministry to like,
22:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And most of us are pretty like down on ourselves.
22:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I think I'm supposed to write a book, but I could never do that or I think I'm supposed to start this business and we just need to rally around each other and be like, yes, if God is actually to do this, you can do it, God is big, but I also see the gifts in you and we're really bad about seeing that in ourselves.
22:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And so thank you for saying that.
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I love it.
22:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, it's true.
22:39
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just really, it's just what we should be the best dot as course you're wearing.
22:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and you know, I've talked to, I, I love that you just said it that way about how you were in high school.
22:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I don't know if we've talked to this.
22:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also in any grand three going to the achievers and the achievers run the world in a lot of ways.
22:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't mean that, but in general, like the three's and we both have a soft side for people and help people, but I can look back and refine something in high school too.
23:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And,
23:03
[SPEAKER_01]: stepping on people and just being on kind.
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I told the story before I ran into someone last summer at a funeral that knew me in a high school and she still won't talk to me So I wanted to be like, hey, we shouldn't be judging anybody by their 17 year old self Yet at the same time I'm like I get it and and kind of like I kind of get it
23:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and I look at that and I've talked to my kids a lot about that and and championing people and and showing up well for people and regretting that I didn't do that better and and my daughter will be on and her best friend will be on the podcast.
23:39
[SPEAKER_01]: See the right before this one, right after fun.
23:41
[SPEAKER_01]: She and her friend, her best friend, talk a lot about how, um, as girls and college and just graduating that there's a scarcity complex and how is believers?
23:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you have a scarcity complex?
23:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:51
[SPEAKER_01]: If she wins, I lost.
23:52
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
23:53
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
23:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
23:54
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I love about you is you're like, man, we're winning.
23:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody's winning.
23:59
[SPEAKER_01]: The kingdom is winning.
24:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Like because, um, you know, and you helped me see this and I knew it that you helped me see that all the things I created at part in the mess and that prayer podcast, all these things like
24:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's done.
24:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Now you take that and run and I can go do the next things that God created me to do and that that wasn't it didn't have to feel like such a substantial loss to me even now I chose that but and and I just hope that encourages someone that they're
24:26
[SPEAKER_01]: To walk into the next thing proud and walk into the next thing knowing that the Lord handles the other things in a win for her Whatever that is it isn't a loss for you and and also I think one of the things I learned on part of the mess I don't remember who I interviewed but they talked a lot about like if you're instead of being jealous the girl who cooks perfect meals every night Walk in our house and say can you help me teach yes?
24:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I was always looked great.
24:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Then say, hey, can you help me shop?
24:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm on a budget.
24:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But how can I do this?
24:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what are my colors?
24:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And just leaning into those places with women.
24:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And so Cynthia, can I just say, I'm sorry.
24:59
[SPEAKER_02]: We're both podcasts that I'm cutting you off.
25:01
[SPEAKER_02]: But one of the things you created that I actually did it want to do was the prayer episode on Mondays.
25:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I was like, how am I going to do two episodes?
25:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And looking back, that has been probably the most beneficial personally to me to show up every Monday.
25:14
[SPEAKER_02]: and pray in these prayer journals that you wrote and I then the team started writing more but like I think as you look at the numbers like I hardly ever look at them but more people at this point listen to that one than the longer interviews because we need the accountability and you created that and I can't think we're thousands I mean millions of people have downloaded our episodes before when you were there and when I'm there and to think about I've heard story after story of one that's like I prayed for that and oh my gosh that
25:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for that and thank you for I'm just proud of Christian parenting for saying like that was a really special part of part of the miss and we're not letting it go.
25:50
[SPEAKER_02]: They kind of helped my feet to the fire so thanks for passing on.
25:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for thanks for saying that continuing to do it and yeah same thing of all the things I've done that when comes back the most of people like you taught me to.
26:00
[SPEAKER_01]: not me, but the Lord.
26:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Through the prayer journals, talk me to pray for my kids.
26:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, that's why I wrote it, because I'm horrible at praying for my kids.
26:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, keep them safe.
26:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Help them never die.
26:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, help them to be nicer to me.
26:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And the afterman.
26:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Play some call, make a call home, right?
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just curious, is there anything you do to teach your girl to support women?
26:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you model it so well, I don't think you need to say a thing.
26:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything that comes to mind, though, that you would say just encourage people in terms of how to do that well with our daughters.
26:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think jealousy is real.
26:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think when just what you said, when another person wins, we began to question ourselves.
26:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, why did she get that?
26:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Why did not I get that?
26:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And so the way we practically, and this isn't my first book, a lot, is just how you practice virtues and values.
26:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you don't just learn it by lectures.
26:48
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like you learn it by doing.
26:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when they were itty bitty, I would say, who's singing in the choir thing, who's cheering, and even if it was not the team they made,
26:55
[SPEAKER_02]: we show up and we show up as a family.
26:58
[SPEAKER_02]: We are in the crowd on someone's senior night.
27:00
[SPEAKER_02]: This not our kid.
27:00
[SPEAKER_02]: We're bringing the poster.
27:01
[SPEAKER_02]: We're bringing the gift.
27:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm wondering remembering, I'm like, oh my gosh, doesn't so until I've trouts this week.
27:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And so over time, me like introducing them to that.
27:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And they've seen me do it.
27:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Like one of the perks of having free flights is that I can show up.
27:15
[SPEAKER_02]: at people's parents' funerals.
27:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I can show up at someone's court date.
27:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I could show up in places that they've seen me model it, but then now they're doing it on their own.
27:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And like it just fills my heart when I see them throw birthday party for someone or show up there like mom, can you get three bouquets because six of my friends are in the play and we need to make many bouquets on like I am on it.
27:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think you've got to give on real practical examples of how to say like I'm in your corner.
27:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me ask you this, this is so I'd be too blunt for us to be sharing, and we can decide to take it out of what you've got.
27:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I also think it's good to have guardrails around it and know yourself, and you and I both, as good a friends as we are, we decided that it would be best for us as we don't listen regularly to each other's podcast.
27:56
[SPEAKER_01]: nor do we follow every move on each other's social, just during this season.
28:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we both felt like, you know what, just to keep it healthy in our friendship and tech, I remember you saying one time, something to the effect of like, I can't listen to you because I think you're too funny and I'm not funny enough.
28:11
[SPEAKER_01]: First something and I was like, well, I can't listen to you because you can't all these amazing guests.
28:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't at all from a place of jealousy, but the practicality of it is we wanted our friendship to remain strong.
28:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we put some boundaries in there just during that season, which by the way,
28:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Since you're not going to be doing part in the mess we're back.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We're back.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We're back.
28:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't be mesmerized.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Most of the social all the things.
28:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that there's something to that that that's not that's not not championing women.
28:37
[SPEAKER_01]: That's also being protective of your relationship, right?
28:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, oh my gosh.
28:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that internal dialogue we have with ourselves is really important.
28:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I used to get stuck there and if and then because of maturity and time We could recognize that early.
28:52
[SPEAKER_02]: There's like, hey, this is gonna trip me up over time to not like sit in this seat.
28:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Do the podcast God created me to do
28:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I was listening to you every week, I'd be like, saying, like, she's so funny.
29:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And my gosh, that transition was so good.
29:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And why does she know the word better than me?
29:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And guys, like, I didn't ask and they had to do part of the mess these three years.
29:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I asked you to do it.
29:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And so you, as you are, you're limited bubble knowledge.
29:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, that was really daunting to go in.
29:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like you know scripture really, really well.
29:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like Googling.
29:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, who is Eunice and Lois?
29:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, where the heck are they in the Bible?
29:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I was going to go that too, by the way.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: We're about to tape when I'm Eunice and Lois.
29:24
[SPEAKER_01]: For part of the mess, if you want the context.
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, for the Lois.
29:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think I'm really glad I think you brought that up and I wasn't offended.
29:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like I get it and then I felt the rub a couple weeks later was like me too, but I didn't want that the reason we brought it up is because I wanted you to know I'm in your corner always, but just because I wasn't commenting and listening to every single episode.
29:45
[SPEAKER_02]: didn't mean that wasn't true.
29:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I'm proud of you.
29:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm proud of us.
29:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't proud of you.
29:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm proud of us.
29:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you give a talk that I want us to hit on about the tone of our home.
29:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's Mother's Day month.
29:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we're talking all about moms.
29:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that talk, in fact, I kind of wanted to steal it.
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, what a great one, Cornel.
30:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go do that on the road somewhere.
30:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And but talk to me about
30:08
[SPEAKER_01]: the tone of your home growing up and how that played into now because how you're the tone of your home now because I think about that in mind and manned my mom said an incredible tone growing up of serving people of inviting people in of having a home.
30:23
[SPEAKER_01]: that everybody had a place to be at.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And literally, I've carried that into my kids.
30:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm even Courtney.
30:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I've even seen it with my son.
30:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a long story wide, but he has his own room and his dorm.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: We ended up having to move him because of his situation.
30:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So he's by himself and he hosts all the kids on the hall.
30:41
[SPEAKER_01]: My daughter has all these people.
30:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's just so cool to see that.
30:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And so talk to me about this idea of the tone.
30:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, my sister's group that she's been serving at an Atlanta called Mom Demon for 13 years.
30:52
[SPEAKER_02]: She's a smart reporter and she's incredible, but they asked me to come talk again.
30:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been there several times and they as leaders pray over the topics and then they find the speakers.
31:00
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think it's really cool.
31:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So they had prayed over wanting to really talk about setting the tone and their April meeting and they felt like I was the one to do it.
31:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And so they called me and I was like, sure, yeah, yeah.
31:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And so they books me like a year and advance.
31:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So it gets to like the week before and I'm like, wait, what's my talk?
31:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I detect them and I'm like, can I do a different topic?
31:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And they said, no.
31:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And they were like, you can weave in if Scott's putting something in your heart, but we've really prayed about this topic.
31:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so it really challenged me to think through it and think about that this isn't like in my modern house, and I enjoy in a game's house, like what's the emotional climate?
31:33
[SPEAKER_02]: What are the words?
31:34
[SPEAKER_02]: What are the things you feel?
31:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and I tell a story that is so that my mom, but I love it because I want us to be encouraged like there are moments of anger there are moments of tension there are seasons of sadness but the overall home I look back on as I think about my mom was safe.
31:50
[SPEAKER_02]: belonging scene loved but it wasn't perfect.
31:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So one time my sister was a teenager and my mom had made her a tuna fish sandwich and they in my mom was so sweet like here's your tuna sandwich and then my mom wanted a bite of the sandwich She just made for my daughter and my sister and she freaked out my sister was like in teen drama
32:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So this this fight starts escalating quickly and I'm like, oh my gosh, they're really upset about this so my sister goes up the stairs And like comes around where you can see her at the passing and my mom said you forgot your sandwich throws the plate in the tuna at the top of the wall And I'm like every team mom is like I get this like I have reached today my sister then said oh Then you can add my teeth rose the iced tea down at my mom a glass thing.
32:34
[SPEAKER_02]: It's shutters
32:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And we all start dying laughing because this is not normal in our house, but they really got hot So we're dying laughing my dad walks in right then and it is not funny He is pissed off and it's like carry get down here No, I'm sure it's grounded for life and so all that to say like I want it People to feel like you're gonna have moments and you're gonna have seasons when Ron had cancer It was really sad and scary but that wasn't the sum total my mistakes went to sum totaled the tone of my house
32:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So the first encouragement is don't beat yourself up.
33:01
[SPEAKER_02]: The second encouragement would just be like, you can do minor tweaks.
33:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it literally can be like, you know, we're the chief mood officer, I say like we really have a superpower of just changing the mood in the house.
33:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be from music.
33:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be like from just a silly joke.
33:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure you have lots of silliness and the of just like lightning the mood.
33:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But where I really want to challenge people is if you were in season that's long that is like I bet my kid feels scared.
33:27
[SPEAKER_02]: about they feel lonely, about they feel critiqued, about they feel sentencing.
33:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it takes some hard and our work to go like, how do we tweak this, but even change this?
33:38
[SPEAKER_02]: One more point, and then as well, I'll be quiet.
33:40
[SPEAKER_02]: But, um,
33:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So as I was closing, I brought to mind this shuttle that are not the shuttle but the space wants to just happen Artemis to you.
33:47
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was watching the like the splash landing in target live on my phone because I just think it's incredible.
33:52
[SPEAKER_02]: But my mom, she doesn't think it's own target.
33:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, wait, she's a conspiracy.
33:57
[SPEAKER_02]: She doesn't think they want to in the
34:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And as I was thinking about this, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is the perfect illustration, thank you Lord, but you know how they do the small thrusters, they just barely adjust as they're coming towards earth because they have to hit it at the right angle.
34:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And I googled it and said, what is that called y'all?
34:16
[SPEAKER_02]: It's called an attitude maneuver literally an attitude adjustment is like,
34:20
[SPEAKER_02]: We can be a degree off and miss the entire target of where we want our kids to believe about themselves.
34:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, they want us to feel in their home, and so that was my challenge to them.
34:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Some of us just need a little small thruster, a little attitude maneuver to put the music on, take something off our plate, maybe have the conversation with your husband and be like, we're not getting along, and I think it's affecting the entire home.
34:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So what are we going to do about that?
34:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Little bit, the many version of my 30 minute to talk.
34:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Many versions of the talk.
34:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd like the long version, too.
34:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Next time you give it, I'd like to be there.
34:51
[SPEAKER_01]: OK, come on.
34:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I do think, yeah, I like that you're saying, like, there's room for adjustment.
34:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't take all the guilt on.
34:57
[SPEAKER_01]: But also, I will say, especially in my house, like, if my husband can be grumpy and everyone's kind of like, well, if I'm grumpy, my older one, especially they're on it.
35:05
[SPEAKER_01]: They're like, what's wrong?
35:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Where are you?
35:07
[SPEAKER_01]: They are.
35:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And we do set the tone.
35:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think you get to choose what you want the tone of your home to be.
35:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that the miss is to not have not think that through.
35:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
35:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And so figure out what it is.
35:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Now you're going to along the way.
35:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It won't always feel that way, right?
35:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But and I was looking as as I knew that this is something you like to talk about.
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking like, what was the tone that was important as we are raising our kids, our older ones and my little still.
35:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's two things.
35:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, and I'm going to ask you yours too.
35:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what tone did you want your home?
35:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to say like there's no right or wrong on this.
35:43
[SPEAKER_01]: down, set down that we're all, we all want our kids out of the Lord.
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And we want a faithful home.
35:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But aside from that, I think for us, really important, if my kids, I think if you asked them, they would say this.
35:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think one laughter, like that's a currency in our house.
35:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if you can't laugh, if you can't, you're going to have a long ride around here because like we are going to laugh at you with you for you, all the things.
36:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So laughter was one of
36:09
[SPEAKER_01]: inclusion.
36:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we just wanted, we wanted to serve people and everybody had a safe space here.
36:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I remember when we bought our house, I felt like it was probably more than we should have spent.
36:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Who's ever bought a house that felt like it was underbed right?
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
36:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, Lord, we will use this house for you.
36:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, that echoes through me all the time.
36:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like still today when we've been here a long time and I think, okay, like Lord, you gave us this opportunity
36:36
[SPEAKER_01]: these walls of this neighborhood and we will have people in it and I just have tried to model that for kids that we are going to use our house, the Lord gave us, we are going to have people and we are going to have people in that don't expect to be invited and we are going to love people well here and those are the two things I feel like really tone-wise we're important to me and Mike.
36:54
[SPEAKER_01]: What about you guys?
36:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Very similar.
36:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It's funny.
36:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we are very very similar, but my first book was actually called in the South.
37:00
[SPEAKER_02]: We will giggle and that was the thought.
37:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like if we're going to teach virtues and values, do we have to shove them down their throat?
37:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Do we have to be so stressed out?
37:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Like could they learn generosity practically by the ways that we do that in our home?
37:11
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things I would say is I look back as a mom that's important to me and it was important to my mom.
37:17
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you came to my house
37:19
[SPEAKER_02]: My mom would have chocolate checks in the top of the cupboard and so she had like 20 boxes of cereal and What it meant was like I see you and I care about you and you're welcome in my home like you're not a bother You're not a nuisance and so that is part of the ministry of mother I think that people discount is not only are you raising your kids and you can feel very alone But you're raising all these people that are around them and when you have kids in your home
37:41
[SPEAKER_02]: You get the chance to say like I see you.
37:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you personally I want to know how you're doing.
37:46
[SPEAKER_02]: It's almost like having a great small group leader I want them like they're all coming over this month because they're home from college And I'm so excited to reconnect with each of them and so that can be little things It can be literally that like the yes to the smart the sleepover It can be that I just bought you a hundred dollars worth of snacks go crazy the pool is open
38:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, I think there's a lot of little ways that you can do that.
38:07
[SPEAKER_02]: But what it's sending a message to say is that you belong here.
38:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not a nuisance.
38:11
[SPEAKER_02]: We care about you and we want you in our home, which is a helpful.
38:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I think my mom did it well, and I hope to do it well too.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, my mom used to always coordinate.
38:18
[SPEAKER_01]: She used to always leave Eminem's on my bed whenever I came home from college.
38:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Or even because she loved Eminem so much.
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even because I did.
38:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I do love Eminem's, but she did.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was kind of that reminder to me that this is my favorite thing.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to have it.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And so my kids, like I always, I would leave them in M&Ms for a while, but now that they're like, hey, kids, Kate's like, leave me a new mascara, my son asked for more sunouts for ammunition than the days, big hunter.
38:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you just leave me ammo?
38:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay.
38:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, this wasn't what I intended, but that's all right.
38:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let's wrap up with this.
38:53
[SPEAKER_01]: What's next for you, ma'am?
38:54
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a great question, Cynthia.
38:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I am passing the mic, which people will find out at the end of the month.
39:00
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a new host of part in the mess, which is just so fun that it's not ending.
39:03
[SPEAKER_02]: What you created was briefly put in my hands as an invitation to encourage mods for years.
39:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And I thought I would end when Larsen graduated, but it turns out I just felt a total piece about ending before her senior year.
39:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what's to come.
39:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I know I'm gonna be speaking more.
39:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that we may be moving at some point once Larsen graduates back to family.
39:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so there's just a lot of transition coming, and there's no scoop, like someone said the other day that ADHD people are the greatest private investigators.
39:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like as soon as I hear of like drama like so and so left the pulpit.
39:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like Googling to find the reddit page like what's really I'm like there's no drama here.
39:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I loved every minute of it.
39:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I just feel like it's my season to pass the torch and and just see what God has, but I'll be speaking if you want me to come to your town.
39:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I would love it.
39:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, and I'm, she's amazing.
39:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So, well, I'm excited for you to be doing that.
39:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's, it's always that push and pull that tag of wanting to be present.
40:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, leaving something really good in favor of being present her senior year.
40:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just going to tell you, Kate's senior year in high school through a series of events.
40:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to talk about specifically, but I,
40:15
[SPEAKER_01]: felt the calling to walk away from something I didn't and the Lord pulled it away from me and it was very it was very hard the way it played out and it didn't have to be if I would have followed the Lord and and what I probably what not probably what I knew he was calling me to do but I was whole gripping something so hard and I am so thankful he ripped it out of my hands because I got her I mean I got the spring ever seen her year and like I looked back and I'm like oh my gosh thank
40:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And for you to be voluntarily willingly saying this is the next season.
40:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what's going to happen.
40:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm going to be present for her senior year.
40:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to commend you on that and for doing it the right way.
40:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm excited for you.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Courtney you guys is freakishly talented in marketing and speaking and obviously podcasting.
41:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just know this is the beginning of something new and I cannot wait to cheer you on.
41:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And guys, if you need someone to speak this girl, she's amazing.
41:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So you want her how the people keep up with you catch up with you all the things.
41:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, Courtney defaio.com or Courtney defaio on Instagram.
41:20
[SPEAKER_02]: There's another Courtney defaio that like plays.
41:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Look across and need jersey.
41:23
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not me.
41:24
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not me.
41:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, so if I don't have the little 50 not 20.
41:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So find me on Instagram.
41:29
[SPEAKER_02]: But thanks for just being you and I can't wait for just spend more time with you.
41:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we're going to have a little more time now.
41:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So, all right, we'll work side it.
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to end one more thing that, and I don't even know that you still own this product, but the memory cards, ABC's groups are cards.
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, ABC's groups are cards.
41:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I just put in a quick plug on that?
41:48
[SPEAKER_01]: This is morning in the car.
41:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I've told you this all the time.
41:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But J.B. and I memorized, she has,
41:52
[SPEAKER_01]: these ABC scripture cards were exactly that you guys that Courtney wrote.
41:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It is literally a a friend lives at all times b.
41:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Be kind of a passion of the husky club yourselves.
42:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Float yourself and yes.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So I got a copy of them and J.B. and I have like, you know, 10 minute drive to school and every we memorize them and we go through them two or three times a week.
42:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's the most brilliant thing just practically because I can't control a lot of things But what I can't control is that he has God's word as heart now and forever And so thank you for writing those and I just want to put a little plug and I they're they're tailored towards younger kids But I really think they would work anyway all the way through elementary.
42:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't you think yeah?
42:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely and guys this is becoming a theme where I start things and then I quit.
42:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean I start things and I pass it off
42:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I started as crazy scripture cards in 2011 when the girls were like two and five and then I passed them off in the last couple years to clearly State it so if you had a clearly stated she's producing them now and and did a fresh look on them And I just didn't want them to go away because I knew they helped me as a mom My current manufacturers not able to keep them going and so clear.
42:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so thankful she stepped up She's amazing so you can link to her can her link for them
43:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, just an example, like you guys, if you don't get anything else from this, like this an example of she, Courtney started something that she's handed off that is now impacting my little one who desperately needs God's scripture because he's got a hard story and I want him to always have the Lord's word tucked in his heart and how she, you walked away from that and passed off and it's still impacting and I walked away from prayer journals and so whatever of those things are you guys, there's seasons for everything in the Lord uses it in the
43:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It all matters, so.
43:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Amen.
43:33
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, friend.
43:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Love you.
43:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
43:37
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, I just love that Courtney Defeo.
43:39
[SPEAKER_01]: She's so much fun to talk to and go check out part of the mess.
43:43
[SPEAKER_01]: She's on it a little while longer, but it will continue on and I love the Monday morning prayer.
43:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Podcasts where we pray of our kids.
43:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I started that with a prayer journal back a million years ago and it just like it's incredible that it's still happening and that we're still praying for our kids.
43:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So check out all of that and then Courtney has a website.
44:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I will link it in podcast notes.
44:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I hope you enjoyed that and I'm just grateful for her friendship and I'm grateful for all of you guys for being here.
44:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So, guys, thanks for being a part of the mesmerized family.
44:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You're the very best.