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Just Friends · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma mea podcast Muma Mer acknowledges the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is
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  Speaker 1: recorded on We spend a lot of time talking and
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: thinking about romantic relationships, searching for and finding that one
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  Speaker 1: person who'll enrich your life, who'll choose you and only
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  Speaker 1: you even change your last name. But what about friendships,
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  Speaker 1: Those deep, unbreakable bonds, the ones who make your life
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  Speaker 1: better without the strings attached, Those soulmate level best friends.
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  Speaker 1: They're the person you call with good news, the one
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  Speaker 1: you laugh and cry with, the one you run to
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  Speaker 1: when your heart is broken. They know your secrets, your history,
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  Speaker 1: your dreams, every side and every version of you. You
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: just couldn't imagine life without them, But you don't have to,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: because you know through all of life's ups and downs,
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  Speaker 1: the good times and the bad, they'll always be there,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: won't they. I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: an ex best Friend. Come with me as we dive
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: into a collection of stories about friendships past through the
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  Speaker 1: eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: There's something about being twenty years old. You're no longer
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: a teenager, but you're not quite an adult. Either, it's
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: that strange in between stage when you're figuring out who
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: you are, learning how to navigate work, independence, and all
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the responsibilities that come with growing up. It's also the
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: time when your friends are your whole world. They're at
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: the center of everything, every weekend, every celebration, every heartbreak,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: in every big life decision. And for Amanda, her friends
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: weren't just part of her life, they were her life.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: I moved out a home and was flatting with some friends,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: and through them met a group of about six of us.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I'd say that really came that core, pivotal friendship group
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: that I just spent every waking minute with in the
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: sharehouse that I was living. I was also living with
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: my fiance at the time, Andrew. Andrew and I were
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: high school sweethearts. We met in year eight, and we
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: had been together ever since. We kind of got engaged
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: as soon as we finished high school, but we had
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: just been each other's whole world. I'd never had any
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: other boyfriends. I'd never had any other guys kind of
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: asked me out because wherever I was Andrew was, I
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: didn't really have any friends of my own. All of
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: my friends were our friends when all of his friends
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: were our friends. There was never an Amanda without Andrew.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: There was never Andrew without Amanda. Our relationship was so
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: kind of pivotal, I think to the friendship group as well.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: We were the people who had Eventually, when we moved
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: out of the sharehouse that we were in initially with
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: a couple of the friends, we moved into our own apartment,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: and it was our house that everybody came normally to
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: kind of gather at several times a week. That would
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: be where most of the barbecues and the parties would start.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: It was at our place.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It was one of those friendship groups where everyone just clicked,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: a mix of men and women, all equally close or
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: completely comfortable with one another, and before long another person
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: joined their close fold. His name was Dave.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: So Dave joined the friendship group through one of those
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: kind of blendings of two disparate friendship groups. He was
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: a longtime friend of one of mine and Andrew's long
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: term friends, and so he kind of got introduced to
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: us at at a party, and he was just such
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: a nice guy. Some of the other particularly the men
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: in the group, were really loud and outrageous and just
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: out of this world, and Dave wasn't like that. He
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: was just really chill and relaxed, sort of quiet, and
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: because of that, everybody just really liked having him around.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: He was always good for a chat, no matter what
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: you wanted to do. He was always keen for it,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: but he was never in your face annoying. So he
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: kind of came to a few gatherings and then it
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: just became the case that he was part of the
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: core group. There was eight of us including Andrew in
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  Speaker 2: the group, including Dave, and some of us had known
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: each other for like, really really long periods of time.
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  Speaker 2: Dave had known a couple of people in the group
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  Speaker 2: through high school. I had known a couple of other
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: people for you know, a long time as well, because
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I'd shared flat kind of share accommodation situation with them
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: and their family. So there was a lot of history
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: in the group. It would be quite the norm for
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  Speaker 2: us to kind of catch up for like a barbecue
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  Speaker 2: on a Thursday night, and then see each other again
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: for like card game on Friday night and end up
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: at the nightclubs, and then we would have a party
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Saturday night and probably end up at the pub again
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: and then we'd probably end up at the pub on
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Sunday as well. So there was a lot of interaction,
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  Speaker 2: a lot of joviality, like very silly, outrageous kind of behavior,
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  Speaker 2: and Dave was always in it. But peripherally, he was
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: just such a nice guy to have around and he
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: was just always there.
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  Speaker 3: He was just every girl's ideal best friend.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Dave was the kind of friend everyone wanted in their corner,
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  Speaker 1: the guy who'd always top up your drink, hand you
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: his jacket when you were cold, and be your biggest
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: cheerleader when life got tough. So when Amanda needed a
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: helping hand to achieve a personal goal, Dave didn't hesitate.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I was trying to lose a bit of weight and
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Dave was right into the gym, and I kind of
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: wanted to get into the gym, but it's a bit
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: it's a bit of a frightening experience setting your foot
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  Speaker 2: in there the first time. And during one of our
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: chats a party, I mentioned him like, I want to
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: go to the gym and I just don't know how
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: to get into it, and he offered to take me
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: and show me how to do it, and I was
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: kind of embarrassed.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Particularly kind of going to the gym with a guy.
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  Speaker 2: But he assured me that he would show me how
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  Speaker 2: to use all the equipment and take care of me,
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  Speaker 2: and he did.
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  Speaker 3: I was really nervous stepping.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Onto the weights room floor with all these big guys there,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: but he religiously every afternoon after work would take me
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: to the gym and show me how to use the
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: things and introduce me to a lot of people. And
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: pretty soon I was getting right into training weights, and
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I kind of fell in love with doing the classes.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: And he would come to the classes with me, like
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: he would come and do like pump and step with me,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: and then we'd go out and train weights, and it
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: turned into a real thing. We got this real routine,
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: like Saturday mornings, we'd go to the gym, do a
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: couple of classes, and then we'd go to the cafe
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  Speaker 2: next door and get a coffee and a toasted sandwich
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: and then go back to the gym and do another class,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: and then we'd go and have a shower and get
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: ready and then we'd be off to whatever party we
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: were going to. So that was sort of what really
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: cemented the friendship. It did eventually become that if you
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: saw Amanda, you saw Dave. He was the first person
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: that I would invite anywhere because he was just al
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: ways up for it, and I just knew that no
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: matter what we did, we'd have a good time.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: At this point, you're probably thinking, well, hang on, what
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: did Andrew make of all this? Well, I'm glad you asked.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Andrew and I had very different interests, which is I
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: think natural when you get together so young. I really
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: liked going out and doing things and hanging out with
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: people and finding adventures. So he enjoyed things like gaming
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: and playing the PlayStation, and he really liked sleeping in
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: all day, and so where I was kind of trying
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: to connect with Andrew and spend time with him, he
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: kind of wasn't always keen to do those things. And
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: what I had in Dave was someone who was instantly
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  Speaker 2: no questions, asked, keen to just do whatever I wanted
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  Speaker 2: to do. And so it would often be the case
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  Speaker 2: that we'd be off doing things and we would arrive
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  Speaker 2: at the party or the barbecue together later when everyone
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  Speaker 2: else was already there and settled, because we'd been off
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  Speaker 2: having our own adventures. I do recall a couple of
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  Speaker 2: times where there were jokes like Dave and I would
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: walk into the barbecue or the card game whatever a
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  Speaker 2: little bit late because we've been off doing something.
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  Speaker 3: And there were jokes like.
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  Speaker 2: Ah, here's an Andrew and a boyfriend. But there was
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  Speaker 2: such laughter around those jokes, and they were saying in
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  Speaker 2: front of Andrew, I only had eyes for Andrew. I
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: didn't see anyone else. And he was such an invested
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  Speaker 2: friend for Andrew as well that I was just so
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  Speaker 2: comfortable that I wasn't doing anything that was disrespectful of my.
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  Speaker 3: Relationship.
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  Speaker 2: Dave never invited me to do anything without inviting Andrew.
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  Speaker 2: I never invited Dave to do anything without inviting Andrew.
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  Speaker 3: There was never any secrecy.
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  Speaker 2: There was never any conversations that were kept secret, truly,
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  Speaker 2: no different to a girlfriend. Andrew would often say, I
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  Speaker 2: don't want to do that, that sounds boring. Dave will
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  Speaker 2: go with you. I've always had a lot of male friends.
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  Speaker 2: Always a lot of the group that I hung around
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  Speaker 2: with were men. I have never seen that there really
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: needed to be a difference between male and female friends,
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  Speaker 2: particularly when it was well known that I was in
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: a relationship. There was no secrecy. He knew the partner.
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  Speaker 2: Dave never had any partners when we were friends, but
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: there were no secrets about my relationship and how much
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I wanted it to work. He spent a lot of
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: time telling me that he really wanted to settle down
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  Speaker 2: and meet someone and have kids and find that perfect partner.
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  Speaker 2: It was just a really open exchange of information. It
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  Speaker 2: was exactly the same as you would with a girlfriend.
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  Speaker 1: So there you have a dear listeners, men and women
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  Speaker 1: really can be just friends, even when one of them
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: is engaged. Yep, you heard it here first. But what
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: probably won't come as much of a surprise as this.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: By the time Amanda was twenty three, she'd well and
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: truly outgrown the small town she'd always called home. She
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: was ready for bigger cities, bigger opportunities, at a fresh start.
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  Speaker 1: It was time to spread her wings.
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  Speaker 2: I loved my friends, I had a good job, but
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I just I wanted something else, and so I said
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: to Andrew that I wanted to move. I wanted to
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  Speaker 2: get a job in a capital city and move away
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  Speaker 2: and give that a go. And Andrew said that he
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: was on board, and we were making all his plans.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: We were applying for jobs and looking for rental houses,
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  Speaker 2: and Dave was helping me is he was really keen.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: He said he would be sad for me to leave,
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  Speaker 2: but he wanted me to do what would make me happy.
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  Speaker 2: So applying for all these jobs, and I packed up
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: and I moved away to the Big Smoke. And the
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: plan was that Andrew kind of had to stay for
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: a couple of weeks to a month to pack up
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: our house and get everything sorted, and he would come
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: to and I think maybe that bit of time away
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: from each other made a bit of a difference, And
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: you know, the three to four weeks that Andrew was
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: going to need to pack up, the rest of our
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: life kind of started to extend out. And I was
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: actually not disappointed by that. I was having a great
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: time in the Big Smoke. I had this great job,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I was meeting new friends. I still kept in touch
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: with Dave incessantly. We would chat every night on MSN,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: or we'd call each other, and we got a real
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: kick out of sending each other emails. And so I
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: kind of knew what Andrew was doing back home because
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: he was still hanging out with Dave and the rest
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: of our friends. But that timeline for him moving really extended,
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: and I didn't push it, and it got to the
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: point where we both mutually came to the realization that
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: neither one of us wanted the other to be in
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: their life anymore.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: And of course, the first person she confided in was
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  Speaker 1: her best friend.
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  Speaker 2: I called him one Saturday after the gym. We always
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: spoke after the gym on Saturday. He'd go to his
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: gym back home and I'd go to mine and we'd
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: catch up and talk about what we did. And I
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: called him and said, look, Andrew and I spoke last one.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: We've decided that he's not going to move here now.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: And he was just so great about it. He really
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: went to great lengths to kind of say to me
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: that it was going to be hard for the friendship
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: group and people might feel like they had to choose
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: between us, or maybe they'd feel like they had to
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: choose neither of us and just kind of back off.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: But he just kept saying, Amanda, don't you worry, you're
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: my best friend. I'm going to choose you.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: That immediately put Amanda at ease. Breaking up with Andrew
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: was huge life change, but one of her biggest fears
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: was that she'd lose her close friends too. Hearing Dave
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: reassure her brought an overwhelming sense of relief.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: No matter what happened, he was going to continue to
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: be my best friend, irrespective of whether anyone else in
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: the friendship group had decided to either choose Andrew or
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: to just choose neither of us, which would be quite
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: a reasonable thing to do for me. I was really
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: reliant on Dave at that time. I would call him
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: after work or we'd get home and chat on MSN.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: He came to visit a few times and we'd just
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: kind of hang out for a few days, going to
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: the gym and stuff, and it would be just like
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: it was back home, to have that one person who
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: was still willing to kind of talk to me and
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: making an effort. And it wasn't the fact that I
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: didn't live there wasn't too hard.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: I was so happy to have him there.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: It was a real highlight every week, kind of catching
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: up on the phone, hearing about what each of us
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: had been doing. I was sad, but I had this
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: real sense of freedom, and so I was out and
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I was going out with my new friends in the
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: new town and having new adventures, and I felt so
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: proud of myself going out and doing these things on
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: my own and then going and telling Dave about them,
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  Speaker 2: and he was so supportive, and he's like, oh, you're
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: the best.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: That sounds so fun.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I'm going to come and visit and you're going to
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: take me to all these places and show me at
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: least seemed to be doing. I can't wait to meet
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: all your friends. I feel like I kind of grew
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: up a lot.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And growing up meant navigating single life, something Amanda hadn't
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: had to do before, like ever.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: Because I'd been with Andrew for such a long time.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I'm really just, you know, at this point, totally clueless
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: about men. I'd never really been hit on or approached
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: by other men, so I didn't really know.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: What that would look like or feel like.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: So there were a number of situations where I would
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: have my new friends in my new town saying to me,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I was hitting on you, and I'd just blown it by.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Being completely oblivious.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Dave was single too, and it was something they often
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: talked about.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: He had always been really open with me about how
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: desperate he was to meet someone and settle down and
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: kind of have kids and stuff, and by this stage.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: We're nearing our mid twenties, and you know, when you're
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: in your mid twenties you feel like him.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: It's like nearing a hundred, you feel that old.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: And so to have him still be really keen to
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: find that person that he was going to settle down with,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: and I was freshly in this kind of space of Wow,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: what happens?
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: Like do I want to get married again?
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Like? How am I going to meet this person? Am
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I going to be single forever? It was definitely a
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: really kind of mutual kind of meeting of two people
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: who were navigating what it means to be single in
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: your kind of early to mid twenties. I was always
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: out and about doing fun things, but I never failed
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: to make time to kind of catch up with Dave
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: and chat about what we were doing. MSN Messenger was
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: just it was just the shit those days. It was
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: king and so I'd come from work and go to
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: the gym for a bit, and then it would be
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: on the computer on MSN, catching up with what he'd
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: been doing, having a bit of a chat. Over the weekend,
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: there would be like an hour's long phone call between
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: the two of us, having a goss moaning about people
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: talking about what we wanted to talk about, what we
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: wanted to do, and we had always always really enjoyed
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: going the concerts together, and so we were kind of
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: talking about, you know, what was the next plan now
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: that I'd kind of had this bit of a hurdle
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: and I was working through you know, single life. We
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: should we should some amazing concert to go to together.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Let's let's pick an entirely new capital city that we
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: haven't been to together yet and go to some concert.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: And then, you.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Know, as luck would have it, one of our favorite
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: bands announced that they were coming to Australia and touring,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: and so we got right on that and we decided
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: that's it. We're gonna We're going to both fly from
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: our respective cities of residents to Melbourne to go to
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: this concert. We were so excited, and I felt like
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: that was the first big girl thing I'd done since
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: breaking up with Andrew. You know, I'd never been on
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: a trip before without him. I'd never stayed in a
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: hotel room without Andrew wnet, So I was so I
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: was so excited. Dave was super keeney, where he really
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: loved this band. He was looking forward to catching up
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: so even though I was like, so broke, you know,
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: being single is expensive.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: I was so broke. I scrimped and saved.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: To kind of get the tickets and book my flights
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: to go on this concept.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: It had been two much since these two besties had
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: seen each other, so the excitement was real. They couldn't
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: wait to reunite, to see their favorite band and make
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: up for lost time. And if you asked Dave, this
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: was going to be the best trip they'd ever have.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: And he kept saying to me that, you know, it
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: was my first trip as a single woman, and he
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: wanted to make sure it was good. He made all
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: of the arrangements and planned it such that we obviously
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: flew into Melbourne on the same day and his flight
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: arrived about twenty minutes before mine. So I got off
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: the plane and walked into the terminal and he was
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: waiting at my gate, as I had expected he would be,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: And there he was my best friend, and he had
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: this massive bunch of flowers in his hand, and I thought, wow,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: that's so nice, Like we haven't seen each other since
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: the split.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: What a legend, you know, on a great guy? What
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: are best friends for?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: And there was a big hug, of course, and I
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: was just so happy to see him, and he seemed
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: really happy to see me.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: We transited to our hotel.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: You know, I had a bit of a catch up
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: in the cab and by the time we got to
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: the hotel, we had a few hours left before we
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: had to get on the train to get to the concert.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: And so I said, look, it was also new.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind going into my room and having a
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: bit of a like a shower, and I'll get dressed,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: and then maybe we could go and have a couple
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: of beers before we.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Go to the concert. He said, yeah, sounds great.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: So I went into my room and I was having
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: a great time in all my own free space, single girl,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: loving life. And then there was a knock on my
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: door and I opened it and there was Dave and
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: he invited me next door into his room. And I
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: was slightly bothered by this invitation, more because I hadn't
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: even had a chance to have a shower yet, like
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: he'd left me alone for approximately eight consecutive minutes.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: But okay, I thought, rad yep, let's do it.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: Followed days into his room and he had spent the
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: eight minutes that we had been apart setting up somewhat
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: of a shrine. There were many gift wrapped presents arranged
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: on the bed in his room, many of them. There's
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: a mountain of them, present mountain, And he said, I
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: just really wanted to make sure this trip was so
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: good for you, Amanda. You've had a rough couple of months.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I know he's sad about Andrew. I know you're really
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: worried that all of your friends are gonna choose him
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: or choose neither of you. Like, I just really wanted
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: to take this chance to show you that I'm like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: we're best friends. I'm like, I'm all in, like I'm
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: choosing you right, And I've bought you some things.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Because I want you to have nice stuff.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: And I thought, what a great guy, what a great thing.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: How lucky am I to have best friend like this,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: What a legend? And who doesn't like presents? So of
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: course I was directed to open those presents immediately, and
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I was very happy to oblige. He'd got me books
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: that he knew that I wanted, some CDs, perfume, nice
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: stuff from like the body Shop and stuff like that,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: just really nice stuff that a person in my financial
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: situation at the time would not be able to afford.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: He had really thought about it was so nice, it
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: was really sweet. And so I opened those presents and
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I was genuinely touched, and I told him as much.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I said, have said, Dave, you are the best, what
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: a great best friend. No girl has ever had a
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: better best friend than you. And I hugged him and
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: we were standing in the middle of the hotel room there,
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: surrounded by destroyed wrapping paper and ribbons, and he said
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: to me, well, there's one more present, and I said, oh,
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: where is this present?
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: And he pointed to his chest.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: At that point, something inside of me kind of said
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: to myself, it's a bit weird. But I sort of
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: also thought, perhaps this is a very literal demonstration of
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: the fact that he is making it very clear he's
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: going to continue to be my best friend. And I
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: had made a huge deal about it for months, saying
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: I was worried he was going to pick Andrew and
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: not me. And as he continued to point to his chest,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: I said, I don't know what you mean, and he said, well,
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: it's here, you need to unwrap it. And I said again,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: I'm just not sure what you mean. And so at
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: this stage a look of sort of confusion mixed with
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: annoyance crossed his face, and so he said, okay, I'll
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: do it, and he unwrapped the present by undoing each
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: of the buttons on his shirt all the way down
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: to his navel. He took the shirt off, and I
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: was met with quite a sight. He had recently purchased
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: himself a label maker. He told me about the label
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: maker on one of our many phone calls. He was
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: very excited about the label maker, the Dimi label maker,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: the very one Dave had used he's nearly acquired label
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: maker to fix many labels to himself. So upon de robing,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: I was presented with Dave's entire torso covered in labels,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: each of which said property of Amanda. They were everywhere,
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: They were all over him. I cannot overstate how many
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: they were. They were everywhere. Some of them he had
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: gotten creative and sort of used phrases like belongs to
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Amanda only for Amanda. But the general sentiment of this
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: labelage was that he was my property. At this stage,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I think I was so very confused, and had been
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: friends with him for so long, and it had only
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: ever been friends and added into that was the very
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: real and recent ongoing conversations around my concern that I
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: was going to lose my friends because of the separation,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: and his real confirmation, ongoing confirmation for me that that
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: was not going to happen. Whilst there was an element
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: of confusion and that weird feeling around this is odd,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: was sort of, you know, around my belly button level,
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: my rational brain was saying to me, whilst this is
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: an odd way to say it, this is his way
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: of showing to me that really our friendship is going
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: to be able to navigate this storm.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: It's going to weather this storm.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I was feeling a little bit annoyed at this point,
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: like I understand what you're trying to do. I think
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I understand that you're trying to show me that we're
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: going to stay friends, But why do you have to
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: be a bit weird about it? Mate? He continued to
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: They're looking at me with a very strange look on
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: his face that I've not seen on Dave's face before,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: and so I kind of just said, you are such
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: a nice guy. No one's ever done anything like this
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: for me before. I gave him another hug and I
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: said this is so great, Like what a great start
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: to our weekend, Like, let's keep going. And I'm going
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: to let's have a shower and go and have a
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: beer and go to this concert. And I could sort
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: of see like he deflated a little bit, but he said, yep,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: look great idea. Let's go. So I went back to
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: my room and he stayed in his room and kind
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: of had a shower, and we met in the foyer
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: about forty five minutes later, and I thought we were
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: just going to find a pub and then take a
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: train to see the concert. But we walked out of
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: the hotel and there was a limousine out the front
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: and there was a man staying next to this limousine
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: in his limousine driver's outfit, and he was holding a
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: sign and that stein said Amanda on it. When I
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: opened the door too, there was like a bucket of
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: ice with a champagne in it and some strawberries in there.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: By this stage, I was more thinking how can I
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: ever repay this? This must have been so expensive, Like
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: I was starting to feel a bit guilty, like he's
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: bringing much more to this friendship table than I am
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: bringing because I'm POV, because I just broke up with
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: someone again.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I just thanked him profusely.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Safe to say, it had already been a trip to remember,
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: but the reason they'd traveled all this way was finally here.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: It was time for the main event.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: It was a heavy metal band, and I was very
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: much looking forward to having a bit of a mosh
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: in the mosh people, because that's what you do. And
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: so we get there and we have a couple of
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: drinks in the bar there and the concert starts and
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: we were so excited. We had our band t shirts
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: on and we were having a dance and Dave kind
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: of started to bug me because all he wanted to
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: do while we were trying to mosh was kind of
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: put his arm around me, which was not something that
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: he'd done at any other concerts that we'd been to before.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: And it was hot, and I was a bit bothered,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: and it makes it at heart like I can't wash
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: if your arms around me. Come on, bro, So I
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: sort of kept trying to shrug him off a little bit.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: The concert was the best time ever, and they played
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: their best songs and we were just so happy to
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: be there. And you know, another great thing was the
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: limo driver was waiting outside so we didn't have to
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: fight through public transport to get home.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: But even in the city she'd never been to before,
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Amanda's spindy senses were tingling. She noticed something wasn't quite right.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Limo had taken an unexpected detour.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: We get further and further away from the hotel, and
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I keep saying to Dave, this is not feeling great,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: this is feeling a bit unsolved mysteries, and he's saying,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I start seeing signs
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: referring to a scenic lookout. It is at this stage
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: then I start to think something really is a rye here.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: The little nagging feeling that had been around at my
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: belly button was sort of navigating up towards like my lungs,
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: into the top of my chest. The limo stops at
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: the top of this lookout. It is nighttime. It's beautiful.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: The limo driver comes over and opens my door and
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: looks in and says, I'll wait right here until you're
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: done with your friend, ma'am, and winks at me. And
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: when he winked, in a sudden cascade.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: Of pure.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Embarrassment shock terror, it hits me that I am a
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: moron and I have read this whole thing wrong. It
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: becomes suddenly very clear to me that Dave was reading
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: from a different book to me, and he was hoping
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: for a different.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Ending that I was.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: So I start to seeing how am I going to
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: fix this? I don't even really know where I am,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: So I start begging the limo driver, you should come
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: to the top of this litle okay with this. Then
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: the limo driver's kind of looking at me like my
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: head is about to fall off, and he's saying, I
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: don't think so, ma'am.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: And at that stage Dave has.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Come to my side of the limo and he's also
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: quite insistent that no, the limo driver does not need
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: to join us at the pinnacle of the lookout there.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: So we walk up there and it's very lovely, and
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: I look at Dave and he's looking at me with
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: the look in his eyes that I think I have
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: on my face when I see puppies, I want them.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: He wasn't laughing, he was staring at me, and all
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: at once, all of these emotions are kind of hitting me.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: The emotions are, You're an idiot, How did you.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Not see this?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Oh? My god, you're more on the labels. Why didn't
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: the labels give it away? But I'm also thinking if
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: this goes badly, he has booked and paid for this limousine,
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: I could be left alone up here. So I decide
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: that I'm just going to try to put physical disc
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: between the two of us, so whatever he is planning,
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: maybe that will stop it. And so I started kind
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: of inching further and further away from him, but he
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: keeps just following me. So we're kind of doing this
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: weird kind of circular waltz where he kind of a
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: few times sort of reached out in his arm towards me,
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: and I'd be like, oh, look over there, and then
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: he'd take a step towards me, and I'm like, wow, check
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: that out. It didn't seem to work, because he just
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: kept following me. So I then took three massive steps
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: away from him and turned and looked at him and
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: crossed my arms across my chest, and we just stood
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: there for a couple of minutes, staring at each other,
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: and much like what had happened back in the hotel room,
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: he kind of sighed and got a little bit shorter,
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: and then he said to me, do you just want
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: to go back to the hotel And I said, yes,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: please very much, And so we walked back to the
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: limo and got in the limo and sat in complete
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: silence all the way back to the hotel. I did
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: actually notice like he sort of like turned away from
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: me a little bit and was facing out his window.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: When we got back to the hotel, I said, I'm
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: really big, I might just go to bed, and he said, yep,
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: I'll see in the morning.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: So the next morning, you know, we.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Did have breakfast together and we went for a bit
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: of a walk around the city and stuff. But he
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: was very quiet, and I was really trying to kind
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: of just get it back to normal. I think I
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: didn't really want to talk about what had happened the
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: night before. I don't know what he was going to
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: ask me or say to me, or do to me
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: at the top of the lookout there, and I just
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: wanted nothing of it. Like I was a bit annoyed
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: because I just thought, you know, I'd never given him
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: any indication that I wanted anything more than a friendship,
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: and I think what he'd been doing really put me
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: in that difficult situation where he was going to make
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: me make a choice that was going to end it,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: really and so I just wanted to move on, and
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to have things go back to where
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: they'd been, and I wanted for it to what never happened.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: So we kind of hugged out at the airport and
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: he got on his flight and I got on mine.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: When I got back to my house, I opened my
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: emails and there was an email from Dave and it
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: was quite a long email, but the crux of it
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: was that he was in love with me, and he'd
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: always been in love with me, and he'd been keeping
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: a secret from me, and that secret was that he'd
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: bought a house in our hometown and he had bought
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: it hoping that I would move back there and be
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: with him and be in a relationship with him. He
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: was very clear in the email, you know, like he
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: wanted it to be for life, like he could see
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: him marrying me. He wanted nothing more than for us
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: to just live our lives together, you know, he wanted
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: to have me by his side forever. And he said,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to ask you on our trip, and
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: it just didn't work out. I feel like I needed
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: to put it in writing to you so that you
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: could think about it let me know what you think. Look,
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: I felt really bad. It truly had never occurred to
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: me at the time, but obviously with the hindsight that
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: that email kind of slapped me in the face with
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: it did become clear as to like, you know, one
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: of the things I'd always liked about Dave was that
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: he was always happy to hang out and do whatever
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I wanted to do.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Well, of course he was happy hang out and do
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: what I wanted to do.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: It wanted to get with me. I knew that whilst
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: there could be hundreds of women that could get an
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: email like that from a really kind, reliable, caring guy
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: like Dave and take him up on the offer, I
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: couldn't do that. I didn't feel that way about him,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: and I knew that I never ever would. He was
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: just my friend. I did not feel that way about him,
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: and I had too much respect for him to keep
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: him on the hook. So I replied to the email
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: and I said, I'm so sorry to say this to
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: you by email. I'm replying by email because you have
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: asked me by email, Dave, I cannot move to be
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: with you. I don't have those feelings for you. I
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: never have I never will. I'm so sorry. I care
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: about you so much as a friend, and because I
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: care about you so much as a friend, and that
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: is why I have to be this honest with you.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: It's never going to happen that way between me and you.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: But boy, I would really love to stay friends. I
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: understand if you can't, but I really want to see
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: if there's a way we can put this behind us
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: and stay friends. I got an email back literally within
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: five minutes, and it said, Hey, Amanda, thanks for being
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: honest with me. I probably needed it to be that blunt.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Have to say.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I'm really disappointed, but I'm not shocked. I will always
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: love you. I definitely don't want this to change the friendship.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Please just ignore anything I said. I'm happy to go
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: back to being best friends.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: So they gave it a shot. The MSN chats were back,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: the weekly phone calls resumed, and they did their bets
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: to make the friendship feel as normal as possible, and
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: for a little while that seemed to be working, until
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: she started dating someone else.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: I did debate whether or not I shouldn't even tell
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Dave because I knew how he felt but he had
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: kind of seemed fine, and so I told him that
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I'd met someone and we'd gone out on a few
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: dates and it, you know, it seemed like it was
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: progressing well. And I think that was kind of the
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: real turning point. I think he'd been able to mask
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: it enough to keep the friendship going whilst I was
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: still single. But in the absence of that, things really deteriorated,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: and some of his behaviors actually became really different to me.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Every time we spoke, there would be a lot of
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: him trying to I felt like he was trying to
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: guilt me, a lot of kind of comments around how
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: he was just going to be single forever because he'd
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: asked me out and I'd said no, and that's fine
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: that I said no, but there's no one else on
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: the horizon. He can't move on. He would bring up
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: things like that trip we went on that cost me
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: a lot of money, you know, I spent a lot
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: of money on. That got to the point where it
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: made me kind of struggle to want to talk to him,
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: and I didn't really know how to fix it, because
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: I felt like, if he really meant what he said
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: about us trying to stay friends, I should be able
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: to tell him that I'm dating people. It was at
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: that point that I think I've started to I guess,
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: you know, grieve the friendship because I knew that it
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: was over. The friendship that we had was already gone,
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: even though we were still pretending that it was there.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I was sad that it had come to that, and
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I was annoyed that he was behaving this way. I
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: felt a bit kind of stuck. I felt like I
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: was a tiny bit in the wrong, like I couldn't
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: say anything about his behavior because I'd agreed to continue
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: the friendship knowing that he had those feelings for me.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: So I felt like it was a bit hard for
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: me to kind of say, hey, this gilt trip that
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: Elaine or my I don't.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Dig it like it's pull it up.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: So I just kind of put up with it. It culminated
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: in my new partner and I taking a trip to
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: a show, and it turned out that Dave was going
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: to the same show, and we agreed to meet up
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: in that town and I was like, oh, introduce you
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: to my new partner and he said, yeah, great. My
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: new partner and I were waiting in the restaurant that
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: we'd agreed to meet him in. I saw him get
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: out of a cab on the other side of the road.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: He walked across the road. He got to the window
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: of the restaurant and saw me with my partner at
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: the table in the window, and turned around, walked to
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: another cab and got in the cab and driveway. He
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: messaged me later and said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: couldn't come in. I just saw you with him and
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: it was too hard, and I said, look, I get it,
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: that's fine. But then he said, that guy's pretty revolting
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: to look out. I can't believe that you're with him,
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: and so I shot back, that's too far, mate, that's
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: way too far. That was too far. I thought, like,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: that was really mean, and I knew that he'd set
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: that to hurt me, and I just thought a friend
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: wouldn't say that. So for men, it was kind of
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: really done. And that was the last time we really spoke.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: It's a tailor as old as time. Unrequited love. Amanda
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: understood just how complicated the situation was, and while she
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: and Dave technically never spoke again after that conversation, his
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: presence lingered in other ways, he went.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Through a couple of stages where by that time Facebook
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: was a bit of a thing, and he seems to
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: have kind of blocked me and deleted me a number
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: of times. And I've only ever really found that out
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: because then he will send me a new friend request
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: accompanied by a message saying, sorry I deleted you. I'm
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: going to try to be friends with you again. Can
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: you add me again? And so that's happened like five
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: or six times since then. We're still I think last
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: I checked connected on social media. If he wants to
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: unfriend me and then refriend me, that's probably fine. I'm
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: not I'm too old these days to get I've said
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: over who's unfriending me and who's refriending me? And that's fine,
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: But I feel like a friend wouldn't have treated a
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: friend that way. And I think as I've gotten older,
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: whilst I've become more aware of the part that my
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: shar ignorance played in this, I also think, I mean,
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: come on, mate, like it's a it's a bit confrontational
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: to kind of go to those lengths and put a
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: woman in that situation, you know, at the top of
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: a lookout when there's no one else around.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: But what about the guy Amanda went on that date with.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: I married that guy in spite of Dave's thoughts on
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: the matter, and we've been married close to fourteen years now, and.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: He is a great guy.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: We are super happy, and I think, like what happens
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: with everybody, like you don't always stay friends with the
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: people that you were that were just your world in
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: your early twenties. You know, we've got friends now that
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: I'd never even heard of when I was in my twenties,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: and that's what happens.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: I still have male friends.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: It's a little bit different now though, because all of
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: my male friends are married or my female friends are
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: also married, and everybody just understands everybody's boundaries. But also
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: I think it's really maybe hard in your twenties for
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: friendships with your opposite sex to maybe work. It's a
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: bit harder for that to be successful than it is
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: at my age in early to mid forties. At this age,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: people have got kids, people are settled down, people are tired.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: You know, we're busy, we've got jobs. It's really not
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: the same having friendships at this age as it is
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: having friendships in your early twenties, when they just consume
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: your life, whereas friendships at this age is like an
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: accessory to your life instead of being your whole life.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: And so it's really easy to have those boundaries there
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: and for those boundaries to be healthy and clear.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex Best Friend is a minti Media
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: production and proudly part of the Mum and mea network.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: This interview was conducted by me Georgia Love and written
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: you'd like to share, email Everyone Has an Ex at
• 41:33
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• 41:39
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