Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Changes Their Mind Constantly
Transcript
- Lucas: You know that moment when your boss announces a new priority on Monday, you rearrange your entire week around it, and by Wednesday they've reversed course — but they act like it never happened? Luna: Oh, I think everyone listening just winced. That's the boss who changes their mind constantly and never explains why. Lucas: Exactly. And it's one of the most quietly corrosive management patterns because it wastes your time, erodes trust, and makes you feel like you're the one who's confused. A 2025 study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior found that 42 percent of employees reported experiencing this pattern — not just occasional course corrections, but a regular cycle of reversal. Luna: Forty-two percent. That's huge. And I bet the number's even higher in certain industries. Lucas: Right, especially in startups or fast-moving teams where the boss wears multiple hats. But it also happens in big organizations. The research identified three common drivers: the boss who is conflict-averse and agrees too quickly, the boss who withholds information until the last minute, and the boss who simply can't make a decision without external validation. Luna: Let's talk about the conflict-averse one first. Because I think that's the one that trips people up most. Lucas: Yeah. This boss says yes to everything in the moment because they want to avoid confrontation. Then later, when they've had time to think — or when someone else pushes back — they reverse. They don't tell you they changed their mind; they just start acting on the new direction and hope you follow. Luna: So the employee is left holding the bag for something the boss never actually committed to. Lucas: Exactly. I talked to a product manager in the software space — we'll call her Rachel — whose director changed the quarterly priority every two weeks for three months straight. Each time, Rachel would reallocate her team, rewrite the timeline, and notify stakeholders. Then the director would shift again, citing 'new information' that never materialized. Luna: Three months of whiplash. What did Rachel end up doing? Lucas: She started keeping a decision log. After every meeting where the director set a priority, Rachel would send a brief email — 'Per our conversation, we're deprioritizing Project X and focusing on Project Y starting tomorrow. Please confirm.' The director rarely replied, but the email created a paper trail. Luna: And when the reversal happened again, Rachel could say, 'Last week we agreed on Y. Can you help me understand what changed?' Lucas: Right. That simple question — framed as genuine curiosity, not accusation — forced the director to either justify the reversal or acknowledge the inconsistency. Over time, the reversals became less frequent because the boss knew there would be a record. Luna: That's smart. I think a lot of us avoid documenting because it feels like we're being adversarial. But it's really just protecting the clarity of the work. Lucas: Absolutely. And the key is to make the documentation part of your normal workflow, not a response to a breakdown. If you wait until you're frustrated, the email will sound angry. If you do it every time, it's just good process. Luna: What about the second type — the boss who withholds information? That feels harder to manage because you don't know what you don't know. Lucas: Yeah, that's the information-hoarding boss. They might have data from a steering committee or an exec meeting that they don't share until it's forced. So their decisions appear to flip, but actually they were always reacting to information you never saw. Luna: So the employee feels blindsided, but the boss feels justified. Lucas: Right. For this pattern, the tactic I've seen work is what I'll call the pre-mortem question. At the end of any major decision meeting, you ask: 'If this priority were to change in the next month, what would be the most likely reason?' Luna: Ooh, that's good. It invites the boss to share the risks they're already thinking about. Lucas: Exactly. It makes the unknown known. If the boss says, 'Well, if the budget gets cut, we'd have to pivot,' then you know the vulnerability. You can say, 'Great, let's plan for that scenario now.' Now you're not reacting to a surprise — you're executing a contingency. Luna: And it positions you as proactive, not just a victim of the boss's whims. Lucas: Yes. The third type is the boss who can't decide without external validation — they need to check with their boss, or a peer, or a consultant before they commit. That's the 'let me run it by so-and-so' boss. Luna: And then so-and-so says no, and the decision flips. Lucas: Right. For this one, the fix is to get the decision-maker in the room. When your boss says, 'I need to check with the VP,' you can offer: 'Would it help if we scheduled a quick three-way call? I can share the context directly.' Luna: That takes the boss out of the middle and reduces the game of telephone. Lucas: Exactly. And if that's not possible, you can set a default: 'If I don't hear back by Thursday, I'll proceed with the original plan.' That creates a deadline and forces the boss to either decide or let the decision stand. Luna: I think the hardest part is not taking it personally. When your boss reverses course, it's easy to feel like they don't trust your judgment. Lucas: That's a really important point. Usually it's not about you at all. It's about the boss's own anxiety or limited information. But that doesn't mean you have to absorb the cost of their indecision. You're allowed to ask for stability. Luna: And if the pattern persists despite your best efforts? When do you decide it's a deal-breaker? Lucas: That's a fair question. I'd say if you've tried these strategies for a few months and the reversals are still happening weekly — and costing you real progress or credibility — it might be time to consider whether this environment supports your growth. Not every boss can be managed into clarity. Luna: And sometimes the best career move is to find a team with more stable leadership. Lucas: Right. But before you get to that point, give the strategies a real try. The decision log, the pre-mortem question, the three-way meeting — they're low effort and high impact. And they signal to your boss that you value alignment, not just compliance. Luna: You know, this show exists because of listeners who deal with situations like this every day. And a small number of them — about as many as fill a conference room — chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah. That's literally what keeps this podcast ad-free and focused on real tactics, not filler. If the show has helped you think through a tough work situation, that's the way to make sure it stays around. Luna: No pressure at all. But we're grateful to everyone who does. Lucas: Alright — back to the flip-flop boss. One more tactic I've seen work is to create a shared decision framework with your boss when you're not in crisis mode. Luna: Like what kind of framework? Lucas: Something simple. Say, 'For decisions that affect my team's roadmap, I'd love to agree on a threshold: if the change impacts more than two weeks of work, can we have a 24-hour cool-off period before we implement?' That builds in a pause that reduces impulsive reversals. Luna: And it frames it as a way to improve efficiency, not as a criticism. Lucas: Exactly. Most bosses don't want to be the reason their team is spinning. They just don't realize how destabilizing their behavior is until you name it — in a neutral, collaborative way. Luna: So the takeaway: document decisions, ask about risk upfront, bring decision-makers together, and agree on process before you need it. Lucas: That's the playbook. And if nothing works, at least you'll have a clear record of the pattern — which is useful for your own performance reviews or, if it comes to it, for making your case to HR or a future employer. Luna: Because you deserve to work in an environment where your time and effort are respected. Lucas: That's the bottom line. Thanks for listening, and we'll talk next time.