Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / JD Vance Bombs His Book Tour _ Scottish World Cup Fans Drink All the Beer in Boston _ The Daily Show

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JD Vance Bombs His Book Tour _ Scottish World Cup Fans Drink All the Beer in Boston _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We are one week into the FIFA World Cup.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: And, yeah. FIFA heads.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Games are happening all over North America. I am so pumped.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I haven't used my hands for anything all week. Wiping
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: my butt with my feet was a challenge, but don't worry.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I'm still working on figuring it out. It's also been
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: a big deal for the host cities, although some could
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: have prepared just a bit better. Boston has found an
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: unintended consequence of the World Cup. They're running out of beer.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Some bar owners say soccer fans are drinking beer almost
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: faster than they can pour it. Boston ran out of beer?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: But how will they get the children to sleep? And
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: by the way, it's not just bars. There's no beer
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: at any of the places in Boston that serve alcohol. Restaurants, taverns, libraries, hospitals,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: AA meetings. The city is bone dry. I mean, how
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: could this have happened?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: There's a decent chance Scotland had something to do with it.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: There was no tavern.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: There was no beer. The Scots fans just dumped the
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: place dry and.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: All they had was, like, Bud Light. I love how
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: even Scottish fans are like, we're desperate for beer, but
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: not like Bud Light desperate. In fact, I believe we
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: have a clip of a Scottish fan in Boston being
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: told there's only Bud Light left. It's a proud culture,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: a very proud culture. You know what, let's move on.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Let's move on to the only thing more exciting than
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the World Cup, J.D.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Vance.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Now, he's been making the rounds to promote his new book.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: He was on Fox News. He was on Megyn Kelly.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: He was on The View. He was on CNN. And,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: of course, he also swung by the popular right-wing podcast
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Fat Guys with Goatees and Sunglasses. Now, obviously, this press
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: tour has an ulterior motive. It's no secret that J.D.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Vance wants to run for president someday. But there is
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: one little hiccup that J.D. is trying to overcome.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: J.D.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Vance does not ooze warmth or charm. Who's not the
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: most charismatic individual.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: He lacks charisma.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Truly zero charisma.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: None.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: He has no riz, which means charisma for you guys.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: We know what I mean.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: If this student council president says J.D. has no riz,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I believe it. But this press tour is the perfect
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: opportunity for J.D. to show off that natural charm and
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: camera presence that will launch him to the presidency. J.D.,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: hit us with a joke. What do you call a
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: fly with no wings?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: A walk.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, very good. Can you feel the electricity? I don't
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: know how you do it, but you make Mike Pence
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: look like Richard Pryor. I mean, seriously.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Seriously.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: JD, for someone whose mom did a lot of drugs,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I thought you'd be cooler. But if J.D. 's appearance
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: on The Five didn't show his presidential chops, it did
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: show how he is such a good vice president for
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Donald Trump. Specifically, his lack of ability to speak up
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: for himself. He'll stomach anything that comes his way, even
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: if that thing is objectively disgusting. All right, we got
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: pickle cake here. Dozens of layers of creamy green frosting,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: complete with tiny chunks of pickle rind.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: I was gonna do.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Fudge, because it's National Fudge Day.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: For the VP, but I thought it would be too gay.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: So I did pickle cake instead. I'm not sure if
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: I got it right. Thank you for being here, Mr.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: Vice President.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, wait. Hold on.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: You think fudge is gay, but the pickle cake is straight?
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Pickles are literally shaped like a penis.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Fudge for me. I'm all hetero man. I'll have this
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: dildo pie. Thank you very much. Look, look, Fox News, Fox, Fox, Fox,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: listen to me. I'm here to help. Your homophobia is
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: ruining your lives. Look, you have, you have to do, listen, listen, listen, listen.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: You have the opportunity to enjoy delicious fudge with your friends,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: but instead you're eating f * * * ing pickle cake.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Your ignorant cruelty has trapped you in a fudgeless prison
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: of your own design.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Forget it. Forget it.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: Move on.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Move on.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Let's move... Let's move on. Let's move on from J.D.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: to the man whose gold-slathered office he hopes to step into.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Today, the details of Trump's peace deal with Iran finally
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: came out. And this is gonna shock you. but it
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: doesn't actually include any of the big wins he promised.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: In fact, it kicks the can on Iran's nuclear stockpile
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: while allowing Iran to eventually charge fees in the Strait
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: of Hormuz and committing the U.S. to end sanctions and
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: facilitate a $ 300 billion reconstruction fund. But you know what?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sure like everything else, the entire GOP is going
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: to fall in line and support the deal 100%. The
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: details of this agreement as we've seen them, it does
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: not look like we are the victors.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: This doesn't feel like a victory.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I thought somebody was spoofing me. Iran is the biggest
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: winner of all this. Trump stages an Iran retreat.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Tremendous foreign policy blunder.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Makes absolutely no sense.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Smacks of impeachment.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: It's not defensible. Inexplicable.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: A disaster.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: They've played him like a violin. Excuse me, sir. I
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: don't know if I'd equate Trump with the soft, dulcet
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: tones of a violin. He's more like an entitled kazoo
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: or a maraca filled with angry bees. So, Trump has
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of work to do to appease this angry
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: faction of his base. He could appeal to their sense
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: of reason or to the obvious need for a negotiated
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: settlement that will necessarily require some concessions.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: Or.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: He could just push the shit on Obama button.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, the JCPOA done by Obama, he handed them $ 1. 7
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: billion in cash. They tried to bribe their way out
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: of it. And you know what the Iranians did? They
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: laughed at Obama, and they said, he's a stupid son
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: of a bitch. OK, thank you very much, everybody.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: You know what? I never thought I'd say this, but
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: can you carry yourself with a bit more dignity in
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: front of the dictator of Egypt? Dear Lord, man, there's
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: a pack of poor French translators off to the side
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: like a qu'est-ce que c'est, stupid son of a bitch.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Now, look.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Now, look, look, who knows? Who knows if this peace
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: deal with Iran is going to work? But if all
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't go well, rest assured, Trump has a very solid
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: plan B. If it works out, I'm going to take
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the credit.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: If it doesn't work out, I'm blaming J.D.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You better be careful, J.D. Whoa! Look at that Trump,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: always playing 5-D scapegoating. I tell you, J.D. is gonna
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: be so bummed to hear about this once he finishes
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: shitting out all of that pickle cake. For more analysis
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: on Trump's deal with Iran, let's go live to the
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: G7 with our very own Ronny Chieng.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Roddy, Roddy, Roddy, Roddy, what is your analysis of this deal?
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: Uh, Jordan, my analysis of the deal is that it's incredible.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: I love this deal. I love how Iran gets $ 300 billion.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: I love how Iran gets control of the street. I
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: love how it lets Iran pick the next James Bond.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: It's all great. No notes. You are number one, Mr. President.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Uh, wait.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, that all sounds bad.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Well, it sounds like you should shut the up then, Jordan.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Because this deal ends the war. Do you want this
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: war to end or not? Okay, well, yes.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Of course we all want the war to be over.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, then shut the up. Because if he thinks
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: that we think the deal sucks, he's going to go
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: back to the war. This is not a man who
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: takes an L with grace, okay? I mean, Michael Jordan
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: takes Ls less personally than this guy. which is why
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: he won the war. Mr. President, yeah! Great job with
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: the deal! You made a great deal with your great
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: big penis! I love it! I love it! I love that!
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I love that!
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: Everybody loves it! Everybody loves it, right?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah!
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we love it! We love it.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: See?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: We all love it.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: But this deal almost makes it seem like we lost
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: the war.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, then you f * * * ing tell
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: him that. You tell him. You tell him he lost
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: the war. You remember what happened last time we tried
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: to tell him he lost something?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Uh, he tried to kill my pants.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: He tried to kill my pants. But if we accept
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: the deal, no more missiles, no more global recession, no
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: more AI Lego memes.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: But the term... the terms of the deal are bad.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Jordan, there's no gas. There's no gas, okay? The world has, like,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: six gallons of gas left. I went to the gas
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: station to fill up my car and like dust came
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: out of the nozzle, okay? So listen to the words
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: of Yoko Ono's weird white boyfriend with the glasses, okay?
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Just go, give peace a chance.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. No, Ronnie, no. So we're just gonna
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: be slaves to this man's ego? We can't criticize the deal?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Of course you can.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Quietly. in private, like this. Talk like this, this deal
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: is shit, okay? We lost the war. And then you
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: come out and you tell the president that he's a
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: special boy and we love his big penis deal, hooray, yay!
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Now you do it, Jordan, do it!
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: All right, all right, fine, Mr.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Mr.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: President, you made a great deal.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: What did he make the deal with?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: With his big, beautiful penis.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, OK.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Don't be gay about it. I mean, it's his big
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: pickle penis.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: It's a pickle penis.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: OK, yes, yes.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Ronny Chieng, everybody.