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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just-Consciousness of Others' Well-being 9.9.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  As a finding out does not literally have to mean the look
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  and the garb. It's much more much a a great
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  deeper level of a Hasid is doing things in its fullest way.
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  So he explains, you have a Hasid, someone serves a sham in
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  a full way. Someone is a Hasid when it comes
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  to charity, which means he's always thinking of different
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  ways of helping out his friend financially.
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  He's worrying about them. He's worrying about the
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  community financially. That's a Hasid mentality.
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  Another one is worrying about people's emotional well-being is
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  a very important point. Worrying about emotional being
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  and well-being, as we'll see, has many, many layers.
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  There are some people who completely disregard the whole
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  thing and they'll say whatever they want to somebody can be
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  strong, can be hurtful. It could be someone putting them
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  down does not make a difference. They're doing their thing.
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  They're not. They're completely disregarding
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  someone else's existence. That's the obvious problematic
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  this. And there's another person who
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  is, you know, socially conscious, so he knows not to
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  say anything too strong. He wants our relationships.
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  You're not going to mess up. But he's having all sorts of
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  innuendos and hints and things that nine ways for some.
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  They figure out a way to hurt a person rather directly hurting a
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  person, right? And now people are smarter and
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  these people would never even throw an emotion ever hurt a
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  person back. End of the day, they were
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  realized that certain things that they're doing, like talking
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  about themselves too much or building themselves up too much
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  is inadvertently making someone else feel bad.
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  You have different layers of being conscious of other
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  people's well-being. Is it developing yourself as a
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  hasee? And the ultimate person walks
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  into the room and says, I see 10 guys in the room.
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  I have one goal in my mind. It might be because I want to be
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  socially accepted, but I have one goal on my mind.
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  I want them all to feel good. How do they leave the room
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  feeling good, Feeling better at least than they walk there.
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  That requires building them up. That requires talking to them,
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  listening, caring about their life, avoiding thinking about
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  mentioning your life, avoiding putting yourself up in a
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  pedestal, all these different small things that shape a
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  picture. Instead of it being all about
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  me, which is our nature, Say it Brandy.
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  Brandy. Exactly.
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  Instead of it being bragging about myself, talking about
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  myself, hinting to what I have and what I'm capable of.
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  All these typical things that people somehow don't realize
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  that no one wants to hear ever reality.
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  Nobody ever, at least in general, wants to hear about
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  another person's success too much.
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  They don't want to stomach it because that and then my means
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  reflects on me and means I have to figure out now how I fit in
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  that picture, how that's going to somehow make me feel better
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  about myself. And usually it doesn't.
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  So person being conscious of other people's social well-being
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  is a great me. Da Anthony Dao Hasidou I read
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  through inside botnet fish worrying about their nefesh,
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  which literally means emotional matters.
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  She's she's Tadil where one puts an effort la sot la haviero to
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  provide for his friend call Korat Ruach.
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  Sheesh Piado. I want to give my friend
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  whatever gratification I can give you.
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  I want to make you feel as good as possible.
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  How is that possible? If I want to, I can do it.
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  Any person can do it to his fellow man if he wants to.
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  It's all he needs is to want Ben.
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  Ben in a cavort, whether regarding giving you as much
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  honor as possible, Ben behold shot in your name or anything
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  else that would make you feel good.
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  Cavort make you feel proud of yourself, make you feel
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  accomplished, make you feel experienced, make you feel
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  worthy, make you feel like you have a valuable opinion.
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  There's so many layers. I give you an example.
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  You have something like you said opinion.
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  You have something you want to get done.
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  I'm going to go over to a person and you ask them their opinion
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  immediately. You just made them feel like
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  $1,000,000. Case closed.
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  The smartest move, I think, in building relationships is to
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  involve other people into your life in a nice way, in a humble
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  styled way. They like you, they appreciate
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  you, they enjoy being around you.
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  Another small move is to turn to them and to worry about their
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  lives again. They like you, they appreciate,
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  they appreciate the care that you have in their lives.
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  She's a basic concept of social well-being.
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  I mean, this is basically, you know, in the book, how to win
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  friends and influence people. Pretty much all the tricks, all
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  the moves over there, all them. We do it of a person who's a
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  Hassie to his fellow man. In other words, if a guy's
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  overly conscious of his friend, the outcome will lead through a
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  strong relationship. Call Marshall.
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  You're there anything that you know which if you do for your
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  friend, your friends going to be happier.
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  Mitzvat Hasitut, hula asoto, it's a hasitut.
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  It's a great level to do this and I cannot stress enough how
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  much is literally defines our existence with other people.
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  Your entire existence in this community and our community
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  families, in your immediate family, in your marriage, with
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  your children, with our parents, all these different areas, they
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  all are predicated on this one concept.
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  Are you conscious of your own social well-being or theirs?
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  If it's theirs, you will have a million friends.
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  If it's yours, we will have a lot of people that you may
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  officially get along with. But no one wants to be around
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  you because you're worrying about yourself.
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  It's a whole different existence.
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  You're walking through them and they want to hear from you
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  because they want a kind word, they want a smile, they want to
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  hear something nice, they want to feel good.
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  This is the makeup of people. To be conscious of their
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  well-being is the essence of being a social person and
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  getting alone. And it's the greatest thing to
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  have to be someone who's worried about other people.
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  Think I give you as an example, he gives a strong example.
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  A rabbi was all for a good job and he went a good teaching job.
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  He went to do I do all the time. Ever shock.
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  I answered shock. He said, can I take this job?
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  They bring this in the bottom over here.
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  It's usually a formality. You offer a good teaching job,
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  you think the job, What's the question?
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  The robber said no, why no, This is a high level.
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  Think about this. He said the job that you're
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  taking, I know someone got fired beforehand to open up the
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  vacancy for you to take it. And the reality is when you take
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  that job, the original person will forever feel bad that his
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  job was given away. And all the other factory people
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  say I, I recommend avoid taking that job.
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  Do something else now, one SEC, we always hear this and we say
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  one SEC, I got to do after care of my family.
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  I have to do what's right. I can't be overly sensitive.
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  It's all true in theory, you're right, but just always go to bed
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  saying one second, did I make people feel good or the
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  opposite? If it's the latter, I have
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  problems. If it's the former, I'm good to
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  go. That should be the only question
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  then today. I know you have to carry your
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  family. That's true.
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  I know you have to worry about, you know, supporting your
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  children. All that's true.
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  But being conscious of no other people is the number one
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  character concert that we need to have the number one.
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  And if we do it, great. If we don't do it, disaster.
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  That's what this example is telling you.
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  That's a Hasid anything, Sir. Oh, Cloud.
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  He's as close again, Sheila, It's at in a mushroom and it's
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  out of cloud. Definitely a person to be
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  careful not the pain of the person.
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  Understand, if you do something that's famous, something that's
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  very widely successful, you have siblings, you have friends, have
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  relatives, you have people out there all going to react,
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  usually, sometimes a level of jealousy.
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  I love feeling small. There's so many different ways
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  that we can build other people up, and there are also many
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  different ways that we can take other people down completely
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  without knowing, by the way, without even realizing.
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  I can hurt an entire room without saying a word.
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  It is correct. It's the way it is.
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  You walk in, you see something strong, you hint at something,
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  you build yourself up. Goodbye.
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  The whole room is smaller. You do the opposite, almost
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  bigger. Being a Hasid means being
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  conscious of other people's financial well-being, other
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  people's physical well-being and their emotional well-being.
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  The reality is, what is the one that's most important to people?
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  Their emotional well-being. The one that's most hurtful is
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  their emotional well-being. The one that's most impactful
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  for the positive are other people's emotional well-being.
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  It's our job and our duty. We have the control of 1000
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  hearts. You and I have the control of
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  everybody's hearts and everybody's minds.
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  OK, I'll give you a classic example.
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  Don't you want to have a classic example?
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  Classic. I gave a speech in the summer
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  school and there was a man who I never knew before, was never
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  there before. And he say it was a speech that
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  I had to prepare and ow ow before because my brother was
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  supposed to speak that speech wasn't able to make it finally.
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  So I got up and speaking. The guy is sitting there, he's
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  doing this the whole time. He's naughty.
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  It happens fine. So because I'm a little bit a
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  little bit subconscious of the speech because I hadn't fully
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  prepared, I kind of enjoy the nod now.
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  I've met like he's hearing sometimes you can talk to a room
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  and no one makes any facial expressions.
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  It doesn't mean they're not listening, it just means they're
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  doing something else. So they're just not doing it
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  right. So you need a little bit of an
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  acceptance somewhere with you. He's agreeing.
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  And I said, you know, great. Good.
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  Very good. Feels great.
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  All right, we'll help you along. It helped me along the drop.
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  I've seen the opposite too, but help me along the door.
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  I had the door. Nothing.
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  OK. At the end of the speech,
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  Shabbat shaloms, this guy comes over to me.
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  He's not from the shore. That's been there before.
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  He says. Yelling, He says like out loud.
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  He says, who takes care of the all the yachts?
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  So why does a man takes? He says I need mashlin, Juanit
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  Dalia with Kadish 'cause he needs Ashkava.
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  And he says and I'm hard of hearing and I can't really hear.
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  He said he totally did not hear a word.
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  I said, yeah, award. I said hear what you need.
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  But the nod gave me what I needed.
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  It's a reality and it's the truth and it doesn't even
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  matter. He could have been a fake person
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  or I mean the same outcome because we all like that.
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  We are as simple as that. Just someone accepting our
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  existence in this world makes a difference.
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  And a guy right now I met before who can't hear turns out made me
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  feel going to change his speech. In fact he gave me fuel for the
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  speech to go on. I was debating should I
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  continue, should I stop? I had fuel because of this guy.
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  He couldn't hear a word. That's how life is.
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  People got it. What if you ask an opinion?
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  If someone get there, you could say what do you think I did?
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  How do you think I did? You give them the real answer,
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  even if it's not good. That's the figure odds.
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  Even if it's not good, you tell. You have to figure it out.
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  You have to figure out a way to give that opinion and also get
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  a. Look, I think he could have did
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  better because I think you have the potential.
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  OK, so you could say, I'll give an example.
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  I used to ask. I honestly speaking, I was never
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  put down as a kid ever. Never ever put down as a kid,
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  not once. And that's a great thing.
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  It also makes you a little bit a little bit needy and sense he
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  can't handle Chris. All right, Amen.
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  Rejection. So I'm not the biggest criticism
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  guy. I don't love Chris.
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  Rejection is great. I don't love rejection
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  personally, but for me personally, it's not good for
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  me. That's because she didn't want
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  brought up because I wasn't brought up.
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  So that's what you learn. So now whatever happens, if I
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  get a speech and someone comes over and says thing a rabbi, I
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  don't agree with you. A rabbi, you could have said it
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  better. I had no idea what you just
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  said. One of those types of things,
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  right, Happened. So to me, always I said, I would
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  say at the time, I'm willing to hear that.
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  I want to hear it because I want to build.
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  I want to get better. Yeah, but I want to hear in a
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  way that I can walk away feeling good.
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  Figure out how to say the comments in a way, you know, you
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  could say, listen, I see a content that's amazing, but I
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  don't like the way you you were a friend.
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  I I see that you're probably very smart, but I don't think
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  you're talking to the community. One of these lines.
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  We all know what you mean. You mean the speech is garbage.
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  You know, when you said it in a good way, you know, when you
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  hear them say, Rabbi, your speech was awful.
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  Exactly what you're talking to me is that there's that's not
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  constructive has to be, you know, guarding them along the
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  path to continue on the way and on the way up.
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  That's a great edge. This is the concept.
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  Can we stop at this?