Latest / Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk / Carried Forward EP26 - When Grief Happens to the Whole Family A Conversation With My Sister

Transcript

Carried Forward EP26 - When Grief Happens to the Whole Family A Conversation With My Sister · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

• 0:00
  The station where our veterans voices are heard.
• 0:04
  MBR talk. Hey, thanks for supporting our
• 0:07
  channel by watching and listening find.
• 0:09
  Us on the web at MB radio dot. When life shapes us, when love
• 0:17
  anchors us, when lost changes us, we are not left behind.
• 0:23
  We are carried forward, held by faith, rooted in purpose,
• 0:29
  finding our way. This is carried forward, a space
• 0:35
  for stories of resilience, purpose and forward resolve.
• 0:51
  Hi everyone, welcome to Carry Forward.
• 0:56
  Have you ever had a time in your life that you just had something
• 0:58
  that was just so traumatic and earth shattering in your own
• 1:02
  world and you're so focused on like how it's affecting you,
• 1:08
  like the loss of my husband, that you didn't realize, like
• 1:13
  how many other people were affected by that same loss or
• 1:17
  grief? Well, that is what we're talking
• 1:20
  about today. We're here with my sister Amy,
• 1:24
  and she has graciously agreed to do an interview with me to talk
• 1:31
  about her side of the loss of Andy.
• 1:35
  And not only the loss of Andy and her life and her family, but
• 1:40
  like how it affected her to watch me grieve, How she walked
• 1:46
  that line of helping me in my grief.
• 1:49
  Because she was, she did. She showed up when I needed her,
• 1:52
  when she probably didn't have the time or the capacity.
• 1:56
  She showed up to help me with so many things and along with my
• 2:00
  other sister Tracy. But Amy is going to talk to me
• 2:05
  because her and Andy had a, a close relationship and they were
• 2:12
  just like Andy felt like her role, like brother.
• 2:15
  But I, I won't get into that. I will.
• 2:18
  I will let her talk about that And just thank you again for
• 2:24
  being here. And I'm so honored that you
• 2:26
  would you would want to share what it meant to walk beside me
• 2:31
  and how your faith and prayer has been part of that journey.
• 2:36
  So let's just get into it. You want to tell me a little bit
• 2:40
  about like your relationship with Andy and any particular
• 2:47
  memory memories that remind you of him?
• 2:51
  Sure. My pleasure.
• 2:53
  Thank you for entrusting this with me.
• 2:57
  And I know we're just also close to ask sisters, but she is
• 3:05
  correct. Andy, I have two brother in
• 3:07
  law's David and Andy. And I would say we were three
• 3:12
  sisters and God bless me with two amazing brother in law's
• 3:17
  that have always had always felt like my brothers.
• 3:22
  Andy being closer to my age, I think we definitely bonded and
• 3:28
  he was very special to me. And I think in all of this, when
• 3:33
  we think about it, it's all about relationship and he was
• 3:38
  very intentional with relationship and I felt like he
• 3:43
  considered me his sister. So just some things that I, I
• 3:50
  was remembering in my mind about Andy and I was trying to think
• 3:55
  of some things that I remembered about him, you know, before and
• 4:02
  at the beginning of him getting sick, you know, I would say of
• 4:11
  course he was. I remember 2011 was a pretty big
• 4:16
  year in in my life. I had my oldest, Peyton, my
• 4:22
  daughter graduating from high school.
• 4:24
  I was opening my business, my salon.
• 4:28
  And also Shawna had wrote me into doing a figure bodybuilding
• 4:35
  competition that you're all in the same year.
• 4:38
  So yeah, I, I don't know. I'm not that person anymore.
• 4:42
  I don't know who that person was, but I'm not that person.
• 4:46
  I don't know who that person was.
• 4:49
  She had a lot more energy and then I do now, but something I
• 4:54
  was thinking of, I just remember Andy being so excited about me
• 5:00
  opening my own business and he was so supportive of that.
• 5:04
  And I remember him telling me that it was like I was
• 5:07
  fulfilling the American dream that that was like so wonderful
• 5:12
  and he was so encouraging. And I remember probably the
• 5:15
  last, of course, I always or in hindsight, but Andy was the
• 5:23
  uncomplicator. That was his, his personality.
• 5:27
  He just uncomplicated things, things that in life like
• 5:31
  finances and stuff like that, that seemed very complicated.
• 5:35
  He was, he was, it just seemed easy to him.
• 5:38
  But he, Andy wanted to help and, and come be a part of that.
• 5:45
  I remember him wanting to come and contribute in some way how
• 5:50
  however I I needed him to. I do remember that was probably
• 5:56
  the last memory of him that I remember him like saying I'm
• 6:01
  coming, I want to, whatever. Let me set your computer up or
• 6:05
  something. Yeah, I do.
• 6:08
  I remember that he he wanted to help you.
• 6:11
  And then I think Tracy and David were building their house around
• 6:15
  that same time and like he, he wanted to come and like
• 6:18
  contribute and and you're I didn't even think about that.
• 6:21
  Amy, you mentioned like relationships were were
• 6:26
  important to him, like relational and I mean, I have
• 6:32
  the the verbiage now, but like that was just him and like he'd
• 6:38
  like we didn't have the words of like relational and that
• 6:41
  relationship, you know, right, right.
• 6:45
  We didn't have all that verbiage, but like, he
• 6:49
  inherently just knew like relationships are important and
• 6:53
  like, even like relationships with my sisters are important.
• 6:57
  And he wanted, he wanted to support you, you and, and your
• 7:01
  kids and you know, and just anything that was important to
• 7:04
  you guys, he wanted to show like, I'm here and it's
• 7:07
  important to me too. And I will help you.
• 7:10
  However, however that is and that's just how he was like, it
• 7:14
  wasn't like an act or and he wasn't like reading something
• 7:19
  and studying something like I've had to do all and like, let me,
• 7:23
  let me become relational, right. It was just him.
• 7:27
  Like, yeah, absolutely. My kids can, my oldest 2 anyway.
• 7:34
  Of course, Kane was much younger when Andy started getting sick
• 7:42
  and started having symptoms and all but my older 2 can
• 7:46
  definitely. They knew their uncle Andy and
• 7:50
  Aunt Shawna and they had he had built a relationship with them
• 7:56
  when they would come or he would come.
• 7:58
  He was intentional to do fun specific things that they liked
• 8:02
  so. And.
• 8:05
  So and they, they built memories through that and I'm thankful
• 8:09
  for that for sure, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's just, and it,
• 8:15
  like I said, it wasn't even like I see nowadays, especially like
• 8:20
  we all are reading all these books and things to include
• 8:24
  myself and trying to be better at relationships.
• 8:28
  And like it just was him like, and it and it wasn't like a, a
• 8:32
  task, a a check box or it was just like, I, I care for these
• 8:38
  people. And, and this is what you do,
• 8:41
  you know, like, I mean, and that's how he was in, you know,
• 8:45
  in our home. And even like when I was down
• 8:49
  and depressed, like he would take the time to like sit with
• 8:52
  me. And I've mentioned that on this
• 8:54
  podcast, like, like it's just what he did.
• 8:57
  And you know, his mom and dad do have a good relationship with
• 9:03
  one another. So you've seen that.
• 9:05
  And I think he also had the opportunity to maybe see
• 9:07
  relationships that weren't good in his life.
• 9:10
  And maybe he just learned like, you know what I, you know, he
• 9:14
  never really spoke about where he learned that.
• 9:16
  That was just part of him. And I mean, I think God just
• 9:19
  made him that way, you know, and he didn't, he didn't have to
• 9:22
  talk about it. He didn't have to study it.
• 9:24
  He didn't have to mention it. He just like.
• 9:27
  Did it wasn't complicated. It was just that so and that was
• 9:35
  that was partly how we were able to know that there was such a
• 9:39
  change when there was because we knew him, you know, we knew we
• 9:45
  had been around him and he had spent intentional time with us
• 9:48
  and we had, you know, built relationships.
• 9:51
  So we were definitely it wasn't something vague.
• 9:54
  It was something and in your home as well, you know.
• 9:59
  Yeah, but it you could see it from the outside too.
• 10:02
  Not just like me day-to-day, like.
• 10:05
  Yeah. And you were.
• 10:08
  And Amy was one of the first people probably that I did come
• 10:10
  to to say like, hey, sometimes off with Andy, like, you know,
• 10:18
  yeah. And I, you know, and I, I got to
• 10:21
  a point that I didn't know what to do.
• 10:23
  I was trying to express it to the people around him and that
• 10:26
  loved him. And I mean, it's hard to see.
• 10:29
  It's hard to see that, you know, when you're not there
• 10:31
  day-to-day. But you, you were there to say,
• 10:35
  yeah, something does seem kind of off, you know?
• 10:37
  And I will be honest, before we actually, I mean there were a
• 10:41
  couple of small things that in hindsight you would go, oh, OK,
• 10:45
  those were part of that. But I remember, I remember the
• 10:48
  first time you reached out to me and we had just saw y'all in
• 10:52
  like September. I remember thinking kind of in
• 11:01
  defense of him, like, what could he possibly be doing wrong,
• 11:05
  Sean, you know what, you possibly, what could he, you
• 11:08
  know what I mean? Because he just treated you and
• 11:11
  Athena with, I mean, y'all's relationship was that way.
• 11:14
  And he was such a good father and such a good husband that my
• 11:18
  initial thought was what could he possibly be doing?
• 11:23
  What are you doing? Sean no, I wasn't even thinking
• 11:27
  that. I just thought maybe, you know,
• 11:29
  it was definitely like, that was my first thought.
• 11:33
  So just being honest. But of course we have a
• 11:37
  relationship. So I, I knew there had to be a
• 11:40
  reason for you to say that, but I was kind of like, well, I'll
• 11:44
  just have to, you know, see what you know.
• 11:49
  And then of course, we we were able to see.
• 11:54
  In December of that year, I think.
• 11:56
  Was it, I think it was November, because wasn't it around
• 11:58
  Thanksgiving? It was.
• 11:59
  At yeah, yeah, yeah, I. Do remember.
• 12:02
  That Thanksgiving, I was just. Looking at go ahead.
• 12:07
  I was like Thanksgiving of. Yeah. 2011. 2011 because that
• 12:14
  timeline I remember and I'm so glad that you were very, I mean,
• 12:20
  Shawna has always been, you know, able to express her
• 12:25
  thoughts to as far as it especially to those that she
• 12:29
  trusts. And she entrusted me and Tracy
• 12:35
  definitely with that. And so we came into the
• 12:39
  situation not after we weren't hindsight.
• 12:42
  We came into the situation like, OK, you know, so that was
• 12:48
  definitely a, a marker for me to be like, oh wow, something is
• 12:56
  going on and I, I like you. I mean, we didn't know what was
• 13:00
  going on. I was immediately thinking there
• 13:03
  there must be some chemical thing that needed to be changed.
• 13:06
  Like he was ingesting something that he needed not to, or I
• 13:11
  don't know. That was the original, our
• 13:13
  original thoughts. I.
• 13:14
  Think yeah, yeah, I just, I had no clue because yeah, that's
• 13:19
  right. Because we went to Tracy's and
• 13:21
  we were all going to, I do Spartan Race and that was the
• 13:26
  next year. But the Spartan Race, we had got
• 13:29
  those shirts. I have a picture of it I just
• 13:32
  seen the other day and we all like took the picture with our
• 13:35
  Spartan shirts. But that's when he first started
• 13:37
  just acting a little like, not himself, like his behaviors and
• 13:43
  things. Yeah.
• 13:46
  But I mean, thank you for reminding me of those things
• 13:49
  because sometimes, you know, I get.
• 13:50
  Oh yeah. In my own.
• 13:52
  We're on the out, we're on the outside looking in and able to.
• 13:56
  I was just trying to mentally kind of breakdown the timeline.
• 14:00
  I just remember like 2011 was like the the beginning of of,
• 14:07
  you know, everything and kind of then rolled in of course, to
• 14:13
  2012. I had let me see what it and
• 14:19
  that yeah, that when Andy, he actually came, I think he might
• 14:24
  have came in between there like maybe in October.
• 14:28
  I don't know that trip that he and Athena had come.
• 14:32
  I had just opened the salon. It may have been earlier than
• 14:38
  that, I don't know, but he and Athena had come.
• 14:41
  And then, like you said, Tracy and David were building the
• 14:44
  house. And when he hindsight, this is a
• 14:47
  hindsight thing. When he left to go home, I think
• 14:52
  he was having some trouble with Y'all's car.
• 14:55
  And then in Houston he had to stop.
• 14:57
  And I just remember when I talked to him, that was, you
• 15:03
  know, a hindsight thing like Andy was he just, he just knew
• 15:06
  how to do stuff. There was no, there was no gap.
• 15:09
  He he thought ahead and he planned ahead and y'all just did
• 15:12
  that as a family. I mean, that was always
• 15:15
  inspiring. And I don't know maybe
• 15:18
  convicting to kind of together, but I remember that that was
• 15:25
  like an. Early, we did.
• 15:26
  Yeah, that. So.
• 15:29
  That was a rough trip because it was raining and he kept calling
• 15:33
  me and he had Athena with him and he didn't know what to do.
• 15:36
  And and normal Andy, I I would have gotten a call like after he
• 15:41
  had done everything, like he had fixed everything and like he
• 15:45
  was, he couldn't find like a Subaru dealership and that and
• 15:48
  they're like all over Houston, right.
• 15:51
  And like, and he was just, he was so like anxious and stress
• 15:55
  and that was not like him at all.
• 15:57
  Yeah. Right.
• 15:59
  And I don't really know where that fall it fell in, but I
• 16:02
  somewhat kind of think it fell in before that November.
• 16:07
  Yeah, I think it was, yeah, 'cause yeah.
• 16:10
  And then by December he was acting like really strange,
• 16:14
  'cause we had went to like a Christmas party with everybody.
• 16:18
  And I remember you guys like questioning me like what is
• 16:22
  going on with, you know, or yeah, or maybe it was.
• 16:28
  Yeah, because we were following Y'all to the to the place that
• 16:35
  it was that I think it yeah, it was in Houston, but we were
• 16:39
  following Y'all and I mean, yeah, that was definitely a.
• 16:45
  Yeah, a difference, a different. Yeah, just different, different
• 16:52
  Andy at that time, so. He was, yeah, that's when he was
• 16:55
  like kind of getting anxious when he spoke and like not yeah,
• 17:02
  like I was trying to remember like his socks or something was
• 17:07
  up with his socks and his clothing and.
• 17:11
  And I would, you know, and Andy had always been someone that I
• 17:14
  didn't, I didn't have to worry. Like I wasn't one of those wives
• 17:18
  that like laid out the husband's clothes and stuff like that,
• 17:22
  which not nothing against that, not saying anything is wrong
• 17:26
  with that. That's just not what we did.
• 17:28
  Like he did. He picked out his own clothes
• 17:30
  and and he had a pretty good sense of style for himself.
• 17:34
  And it was just, I remember like it was just odd, just odd
• 17:40
  behaviors that weren't normal to him.
• 17:44
  And it was just, it was already on top of things that had
• 17:47
  already kind of added up. And, and I think that, yeah,
• 17:52
  towards the end of 2011, there was definitely some major signs
• 17:57
  of like, something's not right, you know?
• 18:01
  And I just remember the weight of that, of thinking this is got
• 18:07
  to be fixable. Let's figure this out together,
• 18:10
  you know? Yeah.
• 18:13
  But this, there's got to be a, there's got to be a fix to this,
• 18:17
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:19
  And, and, and I definitely started down that road of like
• 18:23
  trying, trying to figure that out.
• 18:25
  But in, in that time, like with his illness and then his death,
• 18:33
  cause like from 2011 to 2012, that's when he was diagnosed
• 18:37
  like he just started to rapidly decline.
• 18:39
  I mean, I and then with, so walk me through kind of how that
• 18:45
  personally affected you and you're like your family, 'cause
• 18:50
  I really don't know during that time frame.
• 18:53
  I mean, you've said a little, but like walk us through that.
• 18:56
  Like how all that you know, from let's go from 2011 to all the
• 19:02
  way till 2016 when he died. Like just walk me through how
• 19:07
  you and your family experienced that, 'cause you know, I knew
• 19:11
  how I experienced that. Right, right.
• 19:15
  Well, like I said before, my kids, we were just always close.
• 19:21
  And so it just was a lot of confusion in the beginning,
• 19:26
  especially for the kids, not really, you know, knowing or or
• 19:32
  not really being as the communication we had, you know,
• 19:39
  it was just kind of going off of I didn't really, we didn't know
• 19:44
  what was going on. So I just didn't want to say too
• 19:47
  much to them. So, but I will definitely say in
• 19:55
  2012, that was probably where for me and for was the
• 20:05
  realization that something was seriously wrong that was out of.
• 20:11
  Your control or his control or my control or anybody who loved
• 20:18
  him's control. And I would like I've told
• 20:25
  Shauna before their their story and this tragedy in her life and
• 20:32
  in our life interweaves with my faith.
• 20:37
  And 10 years, we will say 10 years prior to this, I had gone
• 20:45
  through a season in my faith where I just like to say I kind
• 20:50
  of had turned my face, my face away from God.
• 20:53
  God never turns his face away from us.
• 20:56
  But I had hardened my heart, or I like to say my heart was kind
• 21:02
  of like ice iced over because of, you know, that's another,
• 21:06
  that's another, that's another. Podcast, that's another.
• 21:09
  Podcast but I really had in you know, I had had faith in my life
• 21:18
  and I believed in and Christ and Jesus and I just because of
• 21:23
  things in my life, I had just shut him out And I I would
• 21:30
  honestly say I can't remember doing much crying during that
• 21:34
  time like in the those years that I in my wilderness years.
• 21:43
  But I was. Not walking.
• 21:45
  I wasn't walking in my faith, I can tell you that for sure.
• 21:48
  I wasn't seeking God. I wasn't communicating.
• 21:51
  Was it reading His word? I wasn't praying and interesting
• 21:58
  for me in this because of the despair of this that the ache of
• 22:07
  this for you and for him and for Athena.
• 22:13
  I turned my face towards him. It's how I say turn my face
• 22:18
  towards him in despair. And sometimes that's all he
• 22:26
  needs you to do is just turn your face back towards him.
• 22:30
  He doesn't need you. He wants you.
• 22:35
  And so I feel like during that time, because I turned my face
• 22:43
  towards him, I could actually hear him.
• 22:48
  I'm not an audible voice, but it was as if I turned a, you know,
• 22:54
  if you've ever used walkie talkies, you have to be, this is
• 22:58
  my, this is my earthly way that I explain it.
• 23:02
  If you've ever used walkie talkies, you can't hear a person
• 23:05
  unless you're on the same channel as them.
• 23:07
  You can just be. So it was almost like I dialed
• 23:11
  in the right channel, like on my end and I could actually, you
• 23:16
  know, he communicate God could communicate with me.
• 23:23
  And because of my despair for you, I turn my face towards him
• 23:28
  in a way that I'm, I'm wearing in honor of it.
• 23:31
  My this shirt that in Hebrews says 5 and two because in the
• 23:38
  Bible it talks about God, Jesus taking 5 loaves and two fish.
• 23:42
  And there was a child that was willing just to bring that to
• 23:47
  Jesus and Jesus took it and did what Jesus does with it.
• 23:53
  But I like to say in my case, I brought him some crumbs and some
• 23:59
  bones and I was a little sassy with it.
• 24:03
  I was like, here you go and I don't know how you're going to
• 24:08
  do anything because this is not looking very good, you know so
• 24:15
  but as we. Do we come fast?
• 24:18
  Right. I was just like what in?
• 24:20
  What in the world? What's this?
• 24:22
  What is going on? What, what could you possibly be
• 24:26
  doing? But our God is so gracious and
• 24:32
  he is able to take that because he just needs us to turn our
• 24:37
  face towards him. Yeah.
• 24:39
  It just means a small small crush.
• 24:42
  What mustard seed? Hands on our chin and say, hey,
• 24:46
  yes, thank you, you're communicating.
• 24:51
  And so I feel like during that time, that's what happened for
• 24:58
  for me on my end is that I say that and I'm very careful to say
• 25:05
  this. I never want you to think that I
• 25:09
  ever couldn't fathom what you went through or what you're
• 25:14
  still going through. Because he was not my husband.
• 25:18
  I lost him from a different angle, but God allowed me in
• 25:23
  this time to every now and then feel the weight of that burden
• 25:30
  and grief that you were carrying.
• 25:32
  Because He needed me. He didn't need me.
• 25:35
  Don't I mean He needed. Me.
• 25:37
  Yeah, I needed. Yeah, he needed me to.
• 25:42
  Feel that weight so that I was broken to be able to what I now
• 25:52
  know. I didn't know it then.
• 25:54
  I didn't know it till years later was to intercede in prayer
• 25:58
  and how it just blows my mind. I was not, you know, that's
• 26:05
  where the humble human I was not usable.
• 26:08
  I was, you know what I mean. I was not.
• 26:12
  I mean, he uses us anyway and he takes our crumbs and our bones,
• 26:20
  leftovers that we have and he says, yeah, I, I can use that.
• 26:24
  Oh, I. Love that.
• 26:25
  I mean, I don't think I knew that.
• 26:26
  I I don't think I put that together because you, I mean, I
• 26:31
  know you had your season in the wilderness, but I don't think
• 26:34
  that I I mean, that warns my heart to know that that is about
• 26:38
  the time that you you did you and.
• 26:40
  And. Yeah, and.
• 26:42
  And desperation. Ellucia.
• 26:49
  I think I lost her. We'll see if she gets back on.
• 26:51
  She might have her battery might have dead.
• 26:54
  Died. We'll give it a minute.
• 27:01
  I'm gonna pause. All right.
• 27:03
  We're we're unpaused, so I welcome back.
• 27:07
  Amy. We just had some technical phone
• 27:09
  call trying to come in. Technical difficulties.
• 27:12
  Can you hear me? Yeah.
• 27:15
  Can you hear me? No.
• 27:19
  There, I can hear you. Can you hear me?
• 27:27
  Can you hear me? I can't hear you, OK.
• 27:31
  Yeah, I can hear you. Yes, but you can't hear me.
• 27:38
  Let's see, it shows that says it's on the microphone's on is
• 27:44
  the. Speaker.
• 27:58
  Can you hear me? I can.
• 28:05
  We just had a little bit of technical difficulty, but we are
• 28:08
  back. And Amy, you were telling me
• 28:13
  about just that long span of time and like how your faith,
• 28:17
  you turn your face back to the Lord, you were hearing them.
• 28:21
  Your heart had softened, softened off.
• 28:24
  Obviously your heart posture was willing to hear.
• 28:27
  And yeah, I think that's where we were at.
• 28:32
  I a verse we had talked about it possible, but the verse that
• 28:37
  always comes to mind when I think of that time because I
• 28:42
  don't know God knows us. I think he knew if it were
• 28:45
  something about myself because I actually had experienced
• 28:49
  something earlier like in 2006 that should have brought me to
• 28:56
  that place, but it was, it was just different.
• 29:00
  And the, the scripture is Ezekiel 3626 and it is there's
• 29:07
  some verses prior to that, but this one is I will give you a
• 29:11
  new heart and put a new spirit within you.
• 29:13
  I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of
• 29:16
  flesh. So.
• 29:18
  That is exactly what he did over over time, of course, but and
• 29:25
  that just makes because you know, when you're in your heart
• 29:30
  is flesh, you're more tender and open to the Holy Spirit.
• 29:34
  God can use that. So yeah, a. 100% But no, I had
• 29:40
  that scripture as I've sent it to you in the past, and it's
• 29:44
  meant a lot to me, 'cause And it is.
• 29:47
  It's a distinct difference. And you, when it's happened and
• 29:51
  your heart has changed and it has softened to be able to hear
• 29:54
  the Holy Spirit, like, you know what that scripture means?
• 29:59
  Like, you understand it? Yeah, You're like.
• 30:03
  Right. You have.
• 30:04
  Spiritual eyes, your spiritual eyes are open to it.
• 30:07
  And it just, yeah, it's an humbling, so humbling.
• 30:13
  So, so true. So in that so your your faith
• 30:18
  got stronger and and I know you were praying for me and Athena
• 30:23
  and Andy. How did that also that season
• 30:27
  affect your own family? So as it progressed, like the
• 30:32
  kids were originally kind of like not certain.
• 30:34
  They were a little confused. Yeah, we.
• 30:38
  Just we took the same stance as you.
• 30:42
  We just wanted them to be aware and understand and we didn't
• 30:47
  shield them from it. There were times that I know you
• 30:52
  even early on, maybe in 2012, 2013 even maybe traveled and and
• 31:02
  Andy stayed with us for a little while and so they were able to
• 31:08
  really see first hand. I mean, you, you want to protect
• 31:13
  your children, but they need to be see reality that and I think
• 31:20
  that was pretty much they, I know that my children saw me cry
• 31:25
  more than they probably had seen in a very long time.
• 31:33
  They definitely saw me, or I don't know if they saw me, but
• 31:39
  knew that I was praying and that a lot of times the Lord would
• 31:44
  wake me up. The Lord does this.
• 31:47
  He likes to wake you up in the middle of the night or morning,
• 31:51
  early morning hours. I guess there must be something
• 31:54
  in there. He knows about our brain,
• 31:56
  definitely. So there's science behind it,
• 31:59
  but there is definitely he created it so.
• 32:02
  But he would get me up. I would be in the living room
• 32:07
  with, you know, a flashlight in the Bible, like looking for what
• 32:12
  I, you know, and I had not opened my Bible in 10 years.
• 32:15
  So I was desperately seeking what he was, you know, revealing
• 32:22
  to me through his word. And he would do that, and I
• 32:26
  would read it and I'd kind of be like, OK, you know, I wouldn't
• 32:30
  really know 100%. But then within days of that,
• 32:34
  sometimes the next day, I would be in conversation with you and
• 32:37
  you would say something. I'd be like, wait a minute, wait
• 32:41
  a minute. I was just reading that.
• 32:42
  God just brought me to that in the Bible.
• 32:45
  So he was growing me through this in a way that was difficult
• 32:52
  because it wasn't happy. I mean, it was sad.
• 32:56
  I was still hopeful that in this that he was had a plan that, you
• 33:02
  know, he was going to fix it. You know, God just he works
• 33:07
  through. He sees the bigger picture and
• 33:10
  he sees us. And I just think ultimately the
• 33:15
  number one priority is our eternity.
• 33:17
  I mean, this life is a bleep in time and he sees beyond what we
• 33:23
  see and I know he he was seeing eternal things we were and I
• 33:28
  understand. That now, but yeah, yeah, but.
• 33:31
  We were and it's really God. Also, I'm so thankful that
• 33:37
  because I, I feel like one of the things he's given me in my
• 33:41
  character, you know, you can be born with the character that God
• 33:44
  created us in his image. Salvation is, you know, a choice
• 33:48
  that we we choose later to become adopted and his children.
• 33:55
  But he's always given me a, in my personality trait to be
• 34:02
  mindful of other people's, you know, feelings and to watch the
• 34:09
  way I, you know what I mean? Like, that's just an analogal
• 34:11
  character. Love people.
• 34:14
  I do. Know what you mean?
• 34:15
  I've experienced it. She is very lovely, so I.
• 34:19
  Just like I didn't want you to think, oh, this is so wonderful
• 34:24
  because it wasn't, you know, like I was very guarded at how
• 34:28
  I, that's why a lot of the things that we talk about, you
• 34:31
  didn't really know because I didn't want you to feel like,
• 34:34
  oh, it's all about me. God's doing this for me because
• 34:39
  it so wasn't that. Sorry.
• 34:42
  Your husband has a brain disease, but God saved me.
• 34:46
  Right, right. And I know exactly what you're
• 34:48
  going through. You know, absolutely no, no way.
• 34:52
  No way. I just was, you know, in it and
• 34:57
  just knew that our hearts were almost like, I like to say,
• 35:02
  almost like there was an umbilical cord or something
• 35:04
  connecting our hearts. You know, that God was allowing
• 35:10
  me to be this part in it. And I'm, I'm so thankful for
• 35:18
  that, that he entrusted me because I just feel like, yeah,
• 35:22
  I'm like, I was not, I'm not qualified.
• 35:25
  But he, he calls the he, he qualifies us as he's calling us.
• 35:31
  You have to do I think. That's his MO.
• 35:34
  He likes to call the people that don't think they're qualified so
• 35:38
  he can make them qualified. And I'm so thankful for that.
• 35:42
  When I see the Bible and I'm like, yeah, that's when I see
• 35:46
  the disciples and how they were absolutely not qualified.
• 35:49
  And, you know, they were rejects and they had to, they didn't
• 35:53
  even get chosen to be educated. They were sent home to work with
• 35:57
  their dads because they were you know, just.
• 36:00
  Yeah, I'm like, yeah, it's like. Yay.
• 36:05
  Good. Thank you.
• 36:06
  I'm glad you. I mean, he chooses he, you know,
• 36:09
  he, he can. I'm just saying I felt, I felt
• 36:12
  like included in that, right? So I there's many days that I'm
• 36:16
  like, thank heavens, like for Paul and Peter, like right they.
• 36:23
  Had the they were, they were had the courage to, you know, they
• 36:30
  had more courage than they had brains.
• 36:33
  That's me. I'm like, let me run off this
• 36:35
  Cliff just as fast as I can, OK? And I'll think that is.
• 36:39
  So big. Yeah, that is so me too.
• 36:41
  You give it to me and I'll do it right.
• 36:44
  Just. Tell me what to do.
• 36:47
  He's like, yeah, you'll, I'm not going to do that.
• 36:50
  Clarity, faith. Faith is what you need.
• 36:54
  Not clarity, no. And.
• 36:55
  I and I'm so blessed that he made you my sister, both you and
• 37:00
  Tracy, my sister. You guys have showed up for me
• 37:03
  and it just such they're they're not just wonderful sisters,
• 37:07
  they're wonderful people. So shout out to all the
• 37:12
  beautiful sisters out there that are not just great sisters, but
• 37:16
  like just great people. And he, he's honored me, them to
• 37:22
  be like me, to be part of their journey and them to be part of
• 37:25
  my journey. Cause 'cause I will say that
• 37:28
  none of our journeys have been easy.
• 37:30
  And I don't think, I mean, if you have an easy journey in
• 37:33
  life, then you're not living, I don't think.
• 37:35
  I think you're just sitting in your room or something.
• 37:37
  I. Always say if you are then wait
• 37:39
  'cause it's going to change at some point, you know?
• 37:40
  Right, right skills and. Value.
• 37:48
  And we have a little bit of more technical difficulty.
• 37:52
  I hope you're enjoying this conversation with my sister.
• 37:56
  And she's just such a sweet soul.
• 37:59
  And I'm going to come back right back in just a few moments.
• 38:05
  There she is. Yeah, we're back.
• 38:07
  I'm going to have to start. I'm going to have to start
• 38:10
  playing a, a commercial or two here.
• 38:12
  Let's see. Let's bring up a commercial.
• 38:19
  What do we got? I'm looking at her.
• 38:42
  Let's What's up y'all?
• 38:57
  My name is Dawson Evers and this is out here Co Tailgate
• 38:59
  sessions. The song right here is called
• 39:02
  Raised on Red. I wrote it with Heath Sanders
• 39:05
  and Houston Phillips. It's a little song about being
• 39:08
  a. Little redneck.
• 39:33
  It's it's a good book. Yeah.
• 39:36
  He made sure it's on every word that was ever his.
• 39:41
  It comes right before white and blue.
• 39:45
  I ain't never heard it any other way.
• 39:48
  I'm talking about red. Red
• 40:24
  The station where our veteran hi.
• 40:29
  I just wanted to do that little intermission.
• 40:32
  I'm still learning the whole different the the different
• 40:38
  options we have available. And that was a song by Dawson
• 40:42
  Edwards. And that we are able to play and
• 40:47
  you guys can enjoy it. Look him up.
• 40:49
  I'm sure he's a supporter of our show.
• 40:53
  I'm going to bring my sister back on and we're going to
• 40:56
  finish our conversation. OK?
• 41:00
  Hey, so where were we? We're talking about our hearts
• 41:08
  being tied together. You, you.
• 41:13
  Oh, I was talking about how great, great sisters God has
• 41:16
  blessed me with. That's right, God has blessed.
• 41:19
  US, yeah. One of the.
• 41:21
  Greatest gifts he's blessed me with is my sisters and so so
• 41:26
  thankful for for both of you. I had a scripture, another verse
• 41:32
  I was going to read, and it made me think of that that season and
• 41:39
  it's Romans 826 And it says in the same way the Spirit also
• 41:46
  helps our weakness, for we do not know how we ought to pray as
• 41:51
  but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings
• 41:55
  too deep for words. And he who searches the heart
• 41:58
  knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because he intercedes
• 42:01
  for the Saints according to the will of God.
• 42:06
  That was, I know you definitely experienced that.
• 42:10
  I, I got a taste of experiencing it for you just to be on my face
• 42:18
  and not know what else, what else to pray.
• 42:23
  But knowing of course, a lot of times God, I would do God would
• 42:30
  reveal something and then he would show me in his word.
• 42:33
  So yeah, he would confirm that in his word and just he said I
• 42:38
  love what I. Love when he does that, like he
• 42:41
  brings a thought to your mind and then you're like, then
• 42:46
  you're reading in the Bible and you're like, Hey, that's what
• 42:50
  you were just like talking to me about, right?
• 42:54
  It is. It's like, oh, and it's kind of
• 42:56
  like, of course, but you, you know, it is every time.
• 43:02
  It's amazing every time. It never gets old.
• 43:04
  Never gets old. It just.
• 43:06
  Yeah. And sometimes the others that
• 43:08
  don't understand, they're not quite, they're like, oh, wow,
• 43:12
  OK. And they're like, oh, OK, I
• 43:16
  guess you had to be there, I guess.
• 43:18
  I mean, and God speaks so uniquely to each of us that,
• 43:22
  yeah, that something that he gives me may not make as much
• 43:27
  sense to you or be as meaningful, you know?
• 43:31
  And I think I think that's the beautiful part of our God.
• 43:34
  Like he, he made us and he uniquely knows us and he knows
• 43:38
  what's going to touch our heart and he shows up that way and
• 43:43
  it's amazing every time it happens.
• 43:45
  I mean, I don't know. I don't know how many, like
• 43:49
  hundreds of times, like, you know, he's done that.
• 43:51
  And every time I'm like, hey, like that, that was for me,
• 43:56
  wasn't it? He's so personal.
• 43:59
  With the kids, what I have one of our Bible study teachers that
• 44:03
  she always says this and she means it because it is for
• 44:07
  everyone. She'll say I'm God's favorite.
• 44:10
  All right. Right, we can all.
• 44:12
  We can all say that like, 'cause I know some days I'm like, wow,
• 44:16
  you did that for me. Like amazing.
• 44:19
  I had that recently. This weekend.
• 44:22
  I went to that Remnet radio conference about listening to
• 44:27
  God and so many times, like he showed up and I was like, wow.
• 44:32
  Like that was for me, like, like, amazing.
• 44:37
  So amazing. Yeah, so amazing, but unless
• 44:41
  you're my. Heart is blessed by hearing you
• 44:46
  say that I feel like he had me in the interceding just pleading
• 44:56
  on that behalf that that you would that he would not bring
• 45:02
  you he would not leave you that he would not this and he would
• 45:06
  reinforce that in my mind like. You know I'm.
• 45:10
  To bring you through this and and not, you know, let it all
• 45:16
  have a failing foundation. You know that that there there's
• 45:21
  purpose in it and purpose purposing it.
• 45:24
  And when I would feel like, Oh no, this is, you know, not she's
• 45:31
  not going to see you in this or through this, he would remind me
• 45:40
  that I would never bring her through this, to just leave her,
• 45:47
  you know. So good.
• 45:50
  I mean, that's amazing that you, I mean, you've, you have spoke
• 45:54
  that to me, but it's amazing to hear it every time because like
• 45:58
  there is purpose in the pain and there are many times that I was
• 46:02
  walking in the wilderness and I I wasn't coming with my crumbs
• 46:06
  and bones to him. I was coming with other things
• 46:09
  like my middle finger too. But but but.
• 46:16
  Yeah, like. I mean, and he's a big God and
• 46:20
  he can handle our anger and we shouldn't be disrespectful like
• 46:24
  that. But but he's had worse, I'm
• 46:27
  sure, you know, hold it up to him.
• 46:31
  But like, I, you know, it was just I Yeah, yeah.
• 46:35
  I mean, you see me walk through that season of just being pure
• 46:38
  anger. And I was seeking answers to
• 46:42
  your point. What probably what made you the
• 46:44
  most nervous is I was, I was seeking answers in the creation
• 46:47
  rather than the creator. And I mean, and, and I think a
• 46:51
  lot of us do that. And I'm not shaming that by any
• 46:54
  means. It's just not going to get you
• 46:56
  answers. It's it's not, you're going to
• 46:59
  have to continue to go back to that creation and refill where
• 47:03
  the creation doesn't do it. But the creator, he, you don't
• 47:10
  have to get refilled. He's always there.
• 47:12
  There's a connection always. And I have such a peace and such
• 47:16
  a a contentment like no other. And that is the Lord that is my
• 47:24
  that. And that's only shown up after I
• 47:26
  have stopped seeking answers and relationship and fulfillment in
• 47:33
  people and things. And you know, you know, rocks
• 47:41
  and crystals and like, yeah, like I've stopped seeking that
• 47:49
  through there, through all that that he created as beauty for
• 47:53
  us. And I have started seeking it to
• 47:56
  include relationships I have like I've now started seeking
• 48:03
  God in that relationship, right? Like in that wholehearted
• 48:07
  relationship. And as you're, you're talking
• 48:10
  about in this time that you when Andy first got sick, like I have
• 48:14
  started doing that in the past probably three years, like
• 48:17
  genuinely waking up and reading the Bible and and like saying a
• 48:22
  prayer and asking God for answers or from versus insight
• 48:27
  and expecting an answer and waiting and.
• 48:32
  Says that come expectantly. Expectantly.
• 48:34
  Yeah, I and. When you.
• 48:37
  Seeking me you will. Find me.
• 48:39
  Yes. Yeah, and.
• 48:40
  Seeking community because like, like you can like so community
• 48:48
  and you know this like you can be walking the path of
• 48:53
  righteousness and and sanctification and salvation,
• 48:56
  right? And, and those are big words,
• 48:58
  but just like you can be walking that path and, and, and it and
• 49:03
  like God is talking to you, but we live and, and I'm going to
• 49:08
  speak this because it's what I've been walking lately.
• 49:10
  We live behind enemy lines. We live in a fallen world.
• 49:15
  So like we like, and this is a military broadcast, you know,
• 49:21
  radio and a lot of veterans out there, like when you're behind
• 49:24
  in Emily lines, like you have to have comrade, you have to have
• 49:28
  other people around you to remind you that like you're not
• 49:32
  alone and that you like this is a battle.
• 49:36
  This is a fight and we are in it together, right?
• 49:40
  Because when you're walking that alone, like be it like in a true
• 49:45
  battle, like if you're out there on the battleground and you're
• 49:47
  all by yourself, you're way more vulnerable and you're going to
• 49:52
  probably be attacked and captured like the enemy.
• 49:56
  The enemy is. That is his favorite tactic, to
• 50:00
  try to convince even believers that you can do this on the
• 50:06
  sideline. You don't.
• 50:08
  Need to be. All with people all the time.
• 50:11
  You can just do this on your own.
• 50:12
  I, I know that from my own past experience that that is what the
• 50:17
  enemy seeks to do in, in battle, as as Shawna says, and our enemy
• 50:23
  of our soul is to kind of pick you off by yourself so that he
• 50:26
  can, so he can separate you and defeat you, right?
• 50:32
  So it like I always used to take it as like, oh, the Bible is
• 50:36
  like, you know, saying that I need to be part of a church and
• 50:41
  you know what and all that. Well, no, not that's not
• 50:44
  necessarily what he's saying. He's saying that the church
• 50:47
  body, the community, the people, Yeah, the church is that body
• 50:51
  is. Yeah.
• 50:52
  It's not like you got to go to this building and sit in it,
• 50:55
  right? Like he wants to surround you
• 50:57
  with the brothers and sisters that are going to help you
• 51:02
  battle, help help you when you have to battle or just help you
• 51:07
  enjoy what it is to be in connection with the Lord And
• 51:11
  like to like me and Amy are sitting here and we're, we're
• 51:14
  talking about similarities like, and but like you have to have
• 51:18
  people as we're seeing this day and age, like we are all like so
• 51:25
  isolated and off by ourselves. Like that's why this this
• 51:30
  channel, this military broadcast radio is out here is because we
• 51:34
  need brothers and sisters that are like reminding us that we're
• 51:39
  not alone and that there's other people walking a similar battle
• 51:44
  to us. And I mean, that's all that the
• 51:46
  Lord is saying to us, Is that as a Christian brother or sister
• 51:51
  like. As a.
• 51:53
  Human, whatever you're doing, you need other people like you.
• 51:58
  It's not you want to deny. It Yeah.
• 52:01
  Because you, yeah, I'm the, I'm the first to be a loner, right?
• 52:05
  You know it's. The flesh, yeah, That's a battle
• 52:08
  between flesh and spirit, yeah. I'm the first to go like no
• 52:12
  people in for me today, you know right.
• 52:16
  But but when you find people that you can trust and and that
• 52:23
  you were, you know, you see Christ, it's.
• 52:26
  Different. It's different.
• 52:28
  Right, right. That's what I yeah, I was going
• 52:30
  to say. Like you, you trust and you also
• 52:33
  see them walking with the Lord. Like, not like walking, like,
• 52:38
  oh, look at me, I'm walking and I'm a Christian, you know, but
• 52:43
  no, they're like holding his hand and going, Lord, I can't
• 52:46
  take another step without you. Like I like, I need your hand
• 52:52
  every step of the way, Like, and when you find people that are
• 52:55
  doing that, it's just, it's amazing.
• 52:58
  And and I have, I have, but we kind of got off topic, but that
• 53:02
  I mean, it's not off topic. It is, it is what it that is
• 53:05
  what it's about. Yeah, absolutely.
• 53:08
  Andy's illness, this journey, his, his death, I've always said
• 53:17
  in my heart like it's got to mean more.
• 53:19
  It's got to mean more than just what it was just him getting
• 53:24
  sick and his illness and his death.
• 53:26
  Like, and if and and if what it does is lead people to the Lord,
• 53:33
  it turned you back to the Lord. It's brought me back to the
• 53:36
  Lord. Like if that's what it does,
• 53:39
  yeah, if that's what it does, then it like that is it that
• 53:43
  that you know, because that like you mentioned earlier, like the
• 53:47
  point of this life is to to be part of the Kingdom of God and
• 53:52
  to love him and feel his love and and understand what it means
• 53:58
  to be. In the.
• 54:01
  Kingdom of of the Lord, right? That that is, that is the point.
• 54:05
  Like all this. Right.
• 54:08
  That we are all just, you know, that that's kind of a we are all
• 54:13
  just visitors here. I mean we truly are.
• 54:15
  When you, when you understand, when you like, when that's not
• 54:19
  just a intellectual thought and you're like, yeah, yeah, OK.
• 54:23
  You know when you know that in your heart and you realize, like
• 54:28
  before anything else, I'm a daughter of the king.
• 54:31
  Like before I'm an American, before I'm a mother, before I'm
• 54:35
  a sister, before I'm a veteran, right?
• 54:38
  I am a daughter of the King and that is my identity.
• 54:42
  And when you when you wrap yourself in that and realize
• 54:45
  what that really means. It's.
• 54:48
  Amazing. Like.
• 54:50
  It is. You can't do it for someone.
• 54:52
  No, you can't. You know what?
• 54:54
  I. Mean you tried.
• 54:55
  You tried, You could. I mean, but yeah, and God's just
• 54:59
  reminded me so many times when I would start getting like, you
• 55:06
  know, hyperventilating over, like you said, like you're
• 55:09
  seeking God just would. He's such a good father and such
• 55:13
  a good savior and such a good friend that he would just kind
• 55:17
  of be like, calm down. She has to go through this.
• 55:22
  She has to explore and I'm big enough to allow her to do that
• 55:30
  for what the outcome will be. Because you come from a
• 55:35
  perspective where people who are dabbling in that, you know, just
• 55:41
  like he calls Satanist to him. You know what I mean?
• 55:45
  Like they have walked through that lifestyle to be able to
• 55:49
  say, hey, oh, I've seen that. I've all of it is nothing God is
• 55:56
  the only feeling is the only thing that is going to fill
• 56:00
  those voids. It's experiential knowledge and
• 56:06
  like, and that's what he's he's spoken to me in 2023 over and
• 56:12
  over again because you know me, I am all about reading the
• 56:16
  books. I'm all about like knowledge
• 56:19
  through what I have read or listened to experiencing things
• 56:25
  as like, no, thank you, I'm good like it just let me read about
• 56:29
  it. But he just over and over in
• 56:32
  2023 is like, sorry, there's experiential knowledge.
• 56:36
  That's what what that's how you truly, truly learn what it is,
• 56:41
  because you can read books about something.
• 56:43
  You can, you know, podcast it about anything, but when you've
• 56:49
  actually walked through things and like, and I and and like
• 56:55
  going and seeking in the creation and I've met such
• 56:59
  amazing, beautiful people that that I love dearly and they're
• 57:05
  and they're spiritual, right? But they're missing the mark,
• 57:11
  right? And but I know like, I know what
• 57:15
  it is to be there. I know what it is to want
• 57:18
  answers from those things that and to feel like a sense of
• 57:22
  trust because because God, you feel like you don't have a trust
• 57:28
  for the Lord, right, like you. And and a lot of times it's not
• 57:32
  a it's not a a lack of trust in the Lord really, it's a lack of
• 57:36
  trust in man walking out what they think is the Lord, right?
• 57:41
  And then just like you're my hurting heart, right?
• 57:45
  And not, and not really taking in what it means to believe,
• 57:49
  like live in a fallen world, what that truly means, right?
• 57:54
  And, and now knowing like an understanding and, and, and
• 57:58
  having a relationship with the word and reading the Bible, it,
• 58:01
  it makes things clearer. And it just, it's, it's been
• 58:06
  beautiful for like me to come through that and have that
• 58:11
  knowledge and, and not, and no, like I'm not shaming anyone
• 58:16
  that, that, that is walking that right.
• 58:19
  Like that we all have to walk our own journey And, and, and
• 58:24
  eventually, like, if you really like, you will like anyone that
• 58:29
  is seeking from the creation will.
• 58:32
  And if they're truly seeking like I was, they will eventually
• 58:36
  come around and go, wow. No, like these are all
• 58:41
  temporary. Like the creator is where I find
• 58:45
  it, Like and like I don't have to refill.
• 58:49
  Like, like I don't have, I don't have to go to another reader or,
• 58:55
  you know, like Jesus. Said, you know, I'll give you
• 58:59
  water that you never have to drink.
• 59:02
  You know living water, that you'll never be thirsty again
• 59:05
  when people read that. Unless you have experienced
• 59:08
  that, read that and go like, what does that even mean, right?
• 59:13
  Right, right. Yeah, yeah.
• 59:17
  And just learning through my walk, like where I I didn't even
• 59:22
  realize I was sinning. And I'm not going to harp on
• 59:24
  sins, but like where I didn't even realize that I was sitting.
• 59:28
  But then when you are walking with the Lord, you like you
• 59:32
  genuinely realize like, oh wow, like that was me idolizing.
• 59:37
  That was me. Like I you understand what the
• 59:39
  words mean more and you realize when like you weren't walking
• 59:45
  and not that God like he wants you to see like he wants you to
• 59:50
  see like why that is a sin, right?
• 59:54
  And why that bullshit? Gracious and that he doesn't go
• 59:58
  see look at that, you know you just reflect in the humbleness
• 1:00:02
  like oh Lord, you know it's just different.
• 1:00:05
  It's not condemnation, it's. Repentant.
• 1:00:10
  You know the. Holy Spirit moving in you and
• 1:00:14
  he's like, let me let me love on you and hug you and let me show
• 1:00:19
  you why that This is why this is sin and why it's it's hurting
• 1:00:24
  you. Like I'm big enough, like he's
• 1:00:27
  big enough and he doesn't need me like, but but he loves me and
• 1:00:32
  he want, you know, and he wants to show me like how I was
• 1:00:36
  hurting myself, right? And and then how I was not
• 1:00:41
  honoring him and like he and not that he needs my honor, but he
• 1:00:45
  deserves my honor. And once I once I realized that
• 1:00:48
  like it, it's a game changer, but.
• 1:00:53
  And it just continues on and on it like because we are walking
• 1:00:58
  in this world in flesh and spirit and flesh is that that
• 1:01:02
  just continues. Going on that's true like not,
• 1:01:05
  you know, every day like it's not like OK, Lord, I got it and
• 1:01:12
  something. Else that comes along and we'll
• 1:01:14
  have another valley that we're feeling like I don't hear you,
• 1:01:18
  like I was hearing you and 100. Percent but then like when you
• 1:01:23
  but when you are walking with the Lord and you're reading and
• 1:01:26
  you're have that community, you can come back from those valleys
• 1:01:30
  a little sooner sometimes, you know, but yeah, 100% like it's
• 1:01:35
  not like a one time thing and like, oh good, I'm never going
• 1:01:39
  to send again and like it's never going to be hard again.
• 1:01:42
  No, it sometimes gets harder, you know, it's like, because
• 1:01:47
  like now you're, you're, you're seeing like wow, you know, and,
• 1:01:54
  and sometimes struggles get harder, right?
• 1:01:57
  Because you get attacked more, you know, like, like, you know,
• 1:02:02
  yeah, it just has to. Come at a new angle because
• 1:02:05
  you're you're aware. And now you're like, oh, I see
• 1:02:09
  what you're doing. That's not going to work right,
• 1:02:12
  Right. Yeah, he, I heard recently, he's
• 1:02:15
  not, he's clever. He's not creative.
• 1:02:18
  So Satan. Exactly.
• 1:02:21
  Yeah, right. Old things in a different Ave.
• 1:02:26
  but last scripture I was going to read real quick and the most
• 1:02:29
  humbling to me because when I I read it I think oh I'm not I'm
• 1:02:34
  not righteous, but because of Christ's righteousness.
• 1:02:38
  We can read this in a way to know that we're our
• 1:02:42
  righteousness is his. So James 516 is the effectual
• 1:02:47
  fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much Because of
• 1:02:53
  Christ's righteousness on us, our prayers avail much much.
• 1:02:58
  Much. Yeah.
• 1:03:03
  We're we're, we're coming along about an hour, but so let's I
• 1:03:07
  was going to focus. I love this talk and we could
• 1:03:10
  probably sit here and have a talk just about our belief and
• 1:03:13
  how God has helped us. But let's talk about you walking
• 1:03:17
  beside me and you watching me grieve.
• 1:03:23
  And we already talked about, like, how you knew kind of like
• 1:03:27
  what I needed. But how was that to walk
• 1:03:33
  alongside me and my grief? It was, yeah.
• 1:03:39
  It was heavy sometimes. I, the Lord just made it where
• 1:03:50
  I, I, I knew just to drop everything.
• 1:03:56
  And I'm sure you, like you said, to, to be there.
• 1:04:00
  I, I wanted to be there. It was, I almost felt like at
• 1:04:07
  some point that sometimes that it would have been easier for me
• 1:04:11
  just to pack my bag. Just stay, stay there.
• 1:04:16
  I had to lean into the Lord a lot because I would fear would
• 1:04:20
  try to creep in that it was just going to the weight of it all
• 1:04:24
  for you would just make you not want to be here anymore.
• 1:04:28
  You know, I would have some some anxious thoughts of that and God
• 1:04:35
  would definitely again let me know that he was he was in it.
• 1:04:43
  He was he was in it. So for that fear to be resolved.
• 1:04:49
  I mean, that was a true, that was true feelings and emotions
• 1:04:52
  that did come on to me. I would say probably after
• 1:04:55
  Andy's death, because I, I, I was so inundated and focused on
• 1:05:00
  taking care of him and, and, and Athena and like making that
• 1:05:04
  whole work that. But when he had passed away and
• 1:05:08
  it was just me, Athena, and the the depth and, and just the
• 1:05:16
  grief, the ache and despair and yeah, there was days that was,
• 1:05:22
  yeah, that was a whole. Different.
• 1:05:24
  That's a whole different weight. I know, yeah.
• 1:05:28
  So that I think during Andy's life and the illness, I didn't
• 1:05:35
  have time to think about not wanting to be here.
• 1:05:37
  I mean, I was, I was weary, right?
• 1:05:42
  And I mean, and there's times in that that walk that I did turn
• 1:05:46
  to the Lord. I mean, that's how I got through
• 1:05:48
  a lot of the towards the ends of Andy's life and then.
• 1:05:53
  Yeah. But to your point that that
• 1:05:56
  concern, that fear was valid. It wasn't just out of the air.
• 1:06:00
  She was seeing things that, you know, and I did talk to her and
• 1:06:04
  like after Andy passed, like it was just that was all like, I
• 1:06:08
  like to say that grief was waiting for me at the end of
• 1:06:12
  that journey. Like it just said, set, set up
• 1:06:14
  shop in the house that I bought and was waiting for me to show
• 1:06:18
  up there and and take me down. Like, I mean, it was, yeah, and
• 1:06:25
  it did, but. Just seeing, yeah, you juggle
• 1:06:33
  all that. I just would, especially where
• 1:06:37
  Athena was concerned and being so upfront with her.
• 1:06:43
  And you just did that amazingly. You didn't at any point want her
• 1:06:50
  to be surprised at what was going on or unexpected of what
• 1:06:55
  was going to happen. I remember I just I'll share
• 1:07:01
  briefly being because I was there when Andy passed coming
• 1:07:07
  and Athena had a choir event and she, you know, Shawna had just
• 1:07:17
  done so well in involving her in it and and helping her know what
• 1:07:23
  was to come that Athena and also wanting Athena just to be able
• 1:07:28
  to be a do the things in her life and be a part of those
• 1:07:33
  things. So I, I took Athena to that
• 1:07:36
  choir event and I remember sitting there because Andy
• 1:07:40
  passed away early that next morning or, you know, midnight
• 1:07:47
  and she was at the event and, and involved in that choir
• 1:07:53
  performance. And I remember sitting there
• 1:07:54
  thinking, nobody knows the way this child is carrying and
• 1:08:00
  nobody knows that I was, I had to hold it together.
• 1:08:03
  I think it was holding together great.
• 1:08:05
  But I did not want to embarrass her as her aunt because I was
• 1:08:10
  emotionally a puddle on the floor.
• 1:08:12
  I was there but I was just I wanted to just lay on the floor
• 1:08:17
  and cry and just be like y'all don't even know what this child
• 1:08:22
  you know what what is going on in her life.
• 1:08:25
  But she would have been like Aunt Amy you are embarrassing
• 1:08:29
  me. So yeah, that I remember that.
• 1:08:33
  Vividly. And she went to school the next
• 1:08:36
  day after Andy died. Yeah, I mean, you gave her.
• 1:08:42
  That choice of of, you know, you of course you were saying you,
• 1:08:46
  you know, staying home is fine. Athena.
• 1:08:48
  I mean, you've and kind of leaning towards that.
• 1:08:51
  And she was like, I think I'm going to go to school.
• 1:08:54
  Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll have her on
• 1:08:57
  here again and talk about that day she went to school.
• 1:09:00
  I think we might have one little boy.
• 1:09:01
  Like she brought a picture and she made him.
• 1:09:05
  She made him cry. But I think but that.
• 1:09:08
  Like you were saying, I mean, we could go on even more the after
• 1:09:12
  grief. God continued to call me to that
• 1:09:17
  my prayer, my prayer, Matt my and and actually during that
• 1:09:22
  time, I think started doing a lot of journaling probably
• 1:09:27
  between 2014, 1516 on to that. So I'll grab some of my journals
• 1:09:34
  today to kind of look. But anyway, just I have a lot of
• 1:09:39
  recorded prayer through journaling.
• 1:09:42
  That was, you know, a lot of that poured over you because
• 1:09:48
  like you said, I mean that grief was waiting for you on the other
• 1:09:53
  side. It was.
• 1:09:54
  Yeah, because I didn't have time for it.
• 1:09:58
  I mean, I grieve some things, like our family dynamic, all
• 1:10:02
  that stuff. But like the truth, grief and.
• 1:10:06
  Yeah. Silly, Yeah, silly me.
• 1:10:08
  I thought like, oh, this anticipatory grief.
• 1:10:11
  I got it. Check, check.
• 1:10:13
  Let's go, you know, let's move on.
• 1:10:16
  No, that's not how it went. But you, Amy, just.
• 1:10:20
  Thank you so much. Yeah, Amy did show up for me to
• 1:10:24
  take Help me Tracy's A2, but like just to help me with Athena
• 1:10:29
  during that time because I that was I something I always.
• 1:10:34
  I wanted. Athena to have as as normal as a
• 1:10:38
  childhood as she could, right? And that, that was one real
• 1:10:44
  heartache in my life that I, I just wanted her to have a like.
• 1:10:50
  A. Childhood, you know, I don't
• 1:10:52
  know what a normal childhood is per SE now looking back, but
• 1:10:56
  like, I just wanted her to be able to be a child.
• 1:11:00
  And I think I gave her that to a point.
• 1:11:03
  I mean, just, you know, but yeah, I mean, you can talk to
• 1:11:06
  that. Like she she she knew she had
• 1:11:09
  her Aunt Amy and Aunt Tracy that and and her uncles and her
• 1:11:14
  cousins. But like that she could go to
• 1:11:19
  and just feel close to and she's close to them to this day, you
• 1:11:24
  know, with her Aunt Amy. And just like knows that they're
• 1:11:30
  in her corner. And like she needed that.
• 1:11:33
  She needed that because I was in her corner.
• 1:11:37
  But I was stressed. I was, I was pulled at all edges
• 1:11:43
  and then grieving. And so I still, I mean, I showed
• 1:11:48
  up for her, but yeah. Absolutely.
• 1:11:50
  It was uncharted water. I mean, you don't know how to.
• 1:11:55
  I mean, those are the areas that I know myself I've never dealt
• 1:12:00
  with from your perspective. And you, you did it.
• 1:12:04
  You were a rock star. I thank you.
• 1:12:08
  I I stumbled through it, but I'm, I'm good at I'm, I'm good
• 1:12:14
  at tasks. So when the tasks were gone,
• 1:12:18
  that was the hard part. That's when it got hard.
• 1:12:22
  But Amy was there for that too, with all my, my stumbling along
• 1:12:26
  the way and bad decisions and, and then good decisions, you
• 1:12:34
  know, and you're, and as we've spoke about Amy's faith and her
• 1:12:40
  faith journey has been an inspiration to me just because I
• 1:12:46
  did. I seen Amy when she was in the
• 1:12:49
  wilderness and struggling and, and overcoming her own, you
• 1:12:53
  know, life and then to see her like lean in and, and, and
• 1:13:01
  because Amy and I are not only sisters, but we also have like
• 1:13:07
  similar personalities. I mean, we're different, but
• 1:13:10
  similar. And so and, and she's just
• 1:13:13
  someone that like I understand and I think she understands me.
• 1:13:18
  And so to see somebody like go through her own struggles, be
• 1:13:24
  there for me and then and then me to watch her start turning
• 1:13:30
  back to the Lord. And, and as she spoke about
• 1:13:33
  earlier, like she knew how to approach me with like delicate
• 1:13:39
  hands, right? Because you can't always like,
• 1:13:44
  even though you might want to grab somebody and like shake
• 1:13:47
  them or like, you know, like point them in the right
• 1:13:50
  direction, right? Like that's not going to work
• 1:13:53
  'cause like she knew that, I mean.
• 1:13:56
  Jesus was in control of that and he, he always was definitely
• 1:14:03
  able to help me know how to approach it, you know, using
• 1:14:09
  that relationship, you know, so. So, so you talked a little bit
• 1:14:17
  about what you prayed, well, maybe not specifics and you
• 1:14:20
  don't have to go to, but that you prayed, prayed for me then
• 1:14:24
  and you still pray for me now. I know that you do.
• 1:14:29
  Were there. Any doubts where you were like
• 1:14:35
  are are like long waits. Talk about that and like your
• 1:14:39
  prayer life, you spoke a little bit in regards to that, but talk
• 1:14:42
  about that like where did you see like the Lord show up and
• 1:14:49
  were there long waits? And then that'll take us into
• 1:14:51
  like now, like it's been 10 years since Andy's passing,
• 1:14:56
  like. Well, he God's always good to
• 1:14:59
  give us little little glimmers when we are getting discouraged
• 1:15:06
  or see things happening that you feel like or headed in the
• 1:15:13
  opposite direction of. And God also had to remind me
• 1:15:18
  that I was a tool in this. That was not because when, when
• 1:15:23
  God tethers your heart to someone's, you kind of become
• 1:15:27
  almost like, I don't know, like you.
• 1:15:33
  You're vested, of course. And so God did have to give me
• 1:15:39
  reminders that he was, he was in charge of this.
• 1:15:44
  Yeah, like that. Just keep doing what I've called
• 1:15:48
  you to do, sweet love. And that is pray and seek me.
• 1:15:54
  And you know that is. And I was fine with him putting
• 1:15:58
  me in my place because he would also show me, you know, I would,
• 1:16:03
  he would give me the prayer. I would be praying very specific
• 1:16:08
  things along these years where relationships were concerned.
• 1:16:13
  Or maybe I, you were headed towards something that was
• 1:16:19
  spiritually I felt like would mislead you, you know, but God
• 1:16:24
  would just, you know, remind me that just to continue to pray.
• 1:16:30
  And he would, some of those prayers would be answered very
• 1:16:35
  detailed, specifically, you know, like word for word, it
• 1:16:39
  would come out of your mouth and I would be like, wow, you know,
• 1:16:43
  like, like God would answer it that way.
• 1:16:46
  But if it would have been coming from me, in fact, there might
• 1:16:50
  have been times I said those. But then when it was coming from
• 1:16:53
  the other angle where God had revealed that to you, I would be
• 1:16:57
  like, exactly, you know, and I would have to keep myself from
• 1:17:02
  saying, yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I was praying.
• 1:17:05
  That's that's what I was praying just that's what I was saying,
• 1:17:09
  but. That and just to you know, that
• 1:17:13
  was just stepping stones, building my faith as well to
• 1:17:16
  see. And so at some point, which we
• 1:17:20
  are stubborn because sometimes we fall back into that.
• 1:17:24
  At some point you start to say, oh, I see what?
• 1:17:27
  Yeah, I see the, I see, you know, but I think you can vouch
• 1:17:32
  for the fact that I, even though I was God's given me that
• 1:17:37
  ability to be half soft gloves. There has been times over the
• 1:17:41
  last say let's look at 20/23/20 20 through 20/23/24 where I
• 1:17:52
  would be very direct, like maybe you sent me something or asked
• 1:17:56
  me something and I would say, well actually this is what the
• 1:17:59
  word says about that. Or you know, I think you've
• 1:18:03
  probably seen that too. I was always going to be like
• 1:18:06
  that one that said, this is the truth about that.
• 1:18:11
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just leaving it there.
• 1:18:13
  Right. Right, no.
• 1:18:16
  And yeah, she was, she was direct.
• 1:18:18
  And I am someone that I, I mean, God knows that I, I would prefer
• 1:18:22
  you to be direct with me all day long than to like dance around
• 1:18:28
  it and try to be, you know, I I'm gonna much more be receptive
• 1:18:32
  to someone being, you know, not ugly or mean as never was, but
• 1:18:36
  just like direct. And and that's how she was like
• 1:18:39
  this. This is what the Lord the Word
• 1:18:42
  says, and well and see. My nature, sometimes it's my
• 1:18:45
  nature is just to be like, just leave that alone.
• 1:18:48
  Don't you know, don't poke at that.
• 1:18:51
  Just don't say, just don't say anything about it rather than
• 1:18:54
  but the Lord would just like give me a scripture or reveal
• 1:18:58
  something to me or send me back to something that he had showed
• 1:19:02
  me and I'd be like, OK, so I then to speak that, but.
• 1:19:06
  Because he knew who you were talking to.
• 1:19:08
  He did. Absolutely, yeah.
• 1:19:12
  That's what I need to. To say but amazing it it.
• 1:19:19
  Has our journey is is not over And yeah, and but it's just been
• 1:19:24
  so beautiful to have meet you on my team and I and I hope I feel
• 1:19:29
  like I've also been good to be on your team.
• 1:19:32
  My goodness. You have absolutely.
• 1:19:36
  And we had the experience of going to Israel together and
• 1:19:41
  that that was a gift. That was such a gift.
• 1:19:45
  And Shawna made that possible. You know, just God used her in
• 1:19:51
  that. That was such a gift to me.
• 1:19:53
  And there's there's nothing that compared to that as far as being
• 1:20:00
  somewhere or going somewhere. And and so much more it's been.
• 1:20:06
  It has it's been amazing. And when I did when I did that
• 1:20:10
  trip with you and was able to set it up and us to do that
• 1:20:14
  together, like like I got a even though I wasn't walking so
• 1:20:20
  closely to the Lord, I got so much out of that trip.
• 1:20:24
  Like it did bring the Bible to life for me, but it but I was
• 1:20:29
  distracted and distracted, you know, through that time and you
• 1:20:34
  knew that, but but I still got out of it what I needed.
• 1:20:38
  But most importantly was like God placed on my heart.
• 1:20:42
  Like this isn't about you, Shauna.
• 1:20:45
  This is about Amy. Because he's told me stuff like
• 1:20:51
  that before many times. Like this is not about you, Amy.
• 1:20:54
  Actually, this has nothing to do with you.
• 1:20:57
  So it's so sweet that he did that.
• 1:21:00
  Yeah, he was like, so like, you need to get her there.
• 1:21:05
  It was. Yeah.
• 1:21:06
  And it's not. Yeah, and it's not, it's not
• 1:21:09
  about you. So like, you know, even even the
• 1:21:12
  fact when I came back and I'm like, oh, you know, I'm so like,
• 1:21:15
  so sorry, Lord, that I was so distracted.
• 1:21:17
  He's like, yeah, I knew you would be like, you know, it's
• 1:21:23
  like that was that trip was for Amy.
• 1:21:26
  So like. Yeah.
• 1:21:29
  Yeah, and I was honored to like be part of that and to see how
• 1:21:34
  life giving it was to you. It was.
• 1:21:38
  And what has come from that, what has stemmed from that?
• 1:21:42
  Amy has like changed a lot of like how she does things, even
• 1:21:47
  how some of the the holidays she celebrates her her family, like
• 1:21:52
  there was a distinct shift and in her walk with the Lord after
• 1:21:56
  that. And it's been beautiful.
• 1:21:58
  Like I've, I've like done FaceTime when she's doing your
• 1:22:04
  what is it your celebration that.
• 1:22:07
  Yeah. Like, yeah, Shabbat, yeah.
• 1:22:09
  Shabbat and just, I mean, she honors that in her life and as a
• 1:22:16
  Christian, she does it to honor the honor of God, right?
• 1:22:23
  Yeah, it all points to Jesus, all of this.
• 1:22:26
  Yes, so and it and it's just been awesome to watch her that
• 1:22:31
  and to watch her change and in that talking about change and
• 1:22:37
  when you look at me now compared to 10 years ago, what do you see
• 1:22:43
  and what would you tell someone loving a grieving person?
• 1:22:50
  While. Grieving themselves too.
• 1:22:53
  How would those two questions? Can you walk us through that?
• 1:22:57
  I just, I just see all that the Lord has brought you through and
• 1:23:04
  how he's using it and some of those things that he that I
• 1:23:11
  envisioned him using it for. You know, sometimes God will
• 1:23:16
  give you that and you'll just think, Oh, that would be that
• 1:23:19
  would be beautiful that way, you know, just seeing that come to
• 1:23:23
  fruition and just seeing your growth and, and the way he chose
• 1:23:33
  to walk you through through it and that personal relationship
• 1:23:39
  with you is just amazing to see that and and to continue to see
• 1:23:46
  that. And I'm so excited for that
• 1:23:48
  because I know when you take hold of something, it's just
• 1:23:55
  gonna I'm gonna learn so much from from you and all that
• 1:23:59
  you're I have already. But as you grow and continue to
• 1:24:05
  seek his face and and study his word and just seeing that is I'm
• 1:24:11
  excited for for you as you have yielded yourself to him to say,
• 1:24:18
  wherever you lead me, I will go. Whatever you would have me do,
• 1:24:23
  you're in you're in control. And I'm so excited for what he's
• 1:24:26
  going to do with that. And I would just say to someone
• 1:24:30
  who is walking alongside someone in grief, if God has called you
• 1:24:37
  to prayer for them or, or walking, just let the Lord lead
• 1:24:43
  and seek him because you will. If you try to help that loved
• 1:24:51
  one in your own power, in your own words and your own emotional
• 1:24:57
  way, you, you will not be able to help them whatsoever.
• 1:25:03
  Just think the Lord's face in that and and hear him and and be
• 1:25:09
  be humble enough to say I'm not going to speak until until you
• 1:25:14
  until I hear you speak through me and listen.
• 1:25:18
  Just be a just be a listener for them and love them.
• 1:25:23
  Yeah. And.
• 1:25:24
  And show up like you did. Yeah.
• 1:25:27
  And maybe you didn't know what you needed to say, but you knew,
• 1:25:31
  like, just to show up and be there for me.
• 1:25:33
  And that is? Definitely the Lord put on me
• 1:25:36
  just being present and no words words.
• 1:25:40
  That is something He absolutely revealed to me.
• 1:25:43
  Clearly your words are not will never be enough, so just don't
• 1:25:51
  use them much. Yeah, I mean, your words are so
• 1:25:56
  sweet, but yeah, it's sometimes just like like you're saying,
• 1:26:00
  just be present. The person a lot of times just
• 1:26:03
  needs someone to to sit there with them and let them be in.
• 1:26:08
  It don't be scared that you're not going to be enough or or
• 1:26:13
  don't show up because you feel like you're not enough because
• 1:26:17
  Lord knows I was not enough, but be there anyway.
• 1:26:22
  Be there anyway. I love that.
• 1:26:24
  Thank you, Amy so much. Is there anything that I haven't
• 1:26:28
  asked you that you would like people to hear?
• 1:26:32
  I don't think so. I think that I think that's it.
• 1:26:35
  We. I'm sure we could.
• 1:26:37
  Talk for another hour or two, I know.
• 1:26:39
  This episode went a little long, and I'm surprised that it's only
• 1:26:42
  going to be about an hour and 30 minutes because we can talk.
• 1:26:45
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:26:47
  But if you would just close us out in prayer, you're such a
• 1:26:51
  wonderful. Absolutely speaking to the Lord.
• 1:26:55
  Yeah. Thank you so much dear.
• 1:27:00
  Lord, I just thank you so much for your goodness, for your
• 1:27:06
  patience, for all the attributes of Your Holy Spirit, the love
• 1:27:15
  and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and
• 1:27:21
  faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.
• 1:27:24
  Lord, that all comes through Your Holy Spirit that you just
• 1:27:31
  take time to be personal with us, that You want relationship
• 1:27:37
  with us, Lord, that it's not about religion.
• 1:27:42
  Religion is something that man puts together to try to connect
• 1:27:51
  with you, Lord, but you want relationship.
• 1:27:53
  Your word tells us that. Lord, thank You for Your word
• 1:27:56
  that is alive. You led me to it even when I was
• 1:28:04
  not seeking you. You drew me close, You drew me
• 1:28:07
  near, and You drew Shawna close, even when she was going through
• 1:28:18
  such torment and such trials and tribulation.
• 1:28:22
  Lord, you, you tell us very clearly that in this life there
• 1:28:26
  will be trials, trials. We live in a fallen world.
• 1:28:29
  Sin is overtaken. But you have defeated death in
• 1:28:38
  the grave and you have offered us a way of hope.
• 1:28:42
  Lord, thank you so much for the hope that we have and the hope
• 1:28:46
  that Shawna has, Lord, and the hope that we can share with
• 1:28:51
  others through Christ. Thank you.
• 1:28:54
  Thank you for the opportunity you've given me, Lord, to come
• 1:28:57
  alongside Shawna through this. Thank you for my sisters.
• 1:29:02
  Thank you for the precious brother in law's that you bless
• 1:29:06
  me with and Andy's life that you connected us with.
• 1:29:10
  We just thank you for his parents.
• 1:29:12
  We thank you for Athena. That is such a beautiful, has
• 1:29:17
  such a beautiful part of both Shawna and Andy.
• 1:29:19
  When I see her smile, I see both of them.
• 1:29:22
  Thank you for the beauty of that.
• 1:29:25
  Just thank you for this time spent with Shawna.
• 1:29:28
  Just wrap her in your love and care and continue to direct her
• 1:29:33
  on your path. We love you and thank you in
• 1:29:35
  Jesus name, Amen. Amen.
• 1:29:38
  Thank you so much everyone that had tuned in and is listening or
• 1:29:43
  watching and we appreciate it. And just I hope that you were
• 1:29:47
  blessed by this time. And if you have questions about
• 1:29:52
  relationship with Lord, you know, reach out, message me and,
• 1:29:58
  and we'll have some conversations.
• 1:29:59
  So just thank you, Amy, love you and everyone have a wonderful
• 1:30:05
  day. And as always, we all are
• 1:30:08
  carrying something forward with us.
• 1:30:11
  Pay attention to to what that is and where that is.
• 1:30:16
  So have a great day. Hi.
• 1:30:21
  I'm beaker with military broadcast radio TV.
• 1:30:24
  We're your virtual MWR bringing veterans radio, podcasts,
• 1:30:29
  gaming, animation, 3D printing and a community that never
• 1:30:33
  leaves you behind. Download our Roku.
• 1:30:36
  Or mobile app. Today.
• 1:30:40
  This week. So pull up a chair and stay for
• 1:30:42
  a spell. We're heading down a trail.
• 1:30:43
  We're good. Stories dwell.
• 1:30:44
  It started.