Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY W HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS 10/23/25

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY W HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS 10/23/25 · DA CREW Podcast

0:05
Speaker 1: Do do do please, gentlemen, they I have your attention. Peace.
1:08
Speaker 1: The show starts in eight seven six hi three fwo
1:27
Speaker 1: my goo.
1:32
Speaker 2: Good evening, and welcome to Believe in the Journey podcast,
1:35
Speaker 2: where I'm your host, Trevita Harris. You guys, I'm gonna
1:38
Speaker 2: go ahead and give you this disclaimer. I have a
1:41
Speaker 2: horrible cough tonight, so just bear with me. I am okay.
1:46
Speaker 2: You might hear me barking just a little bit, but
1:50
Speaker 2: I'm okay. But tonight I did have a guest Beca
1:55
Speaker 2: You unfortunately reschedule. They had a New York they came up,
2:01
Speaker 2: and so tonight we're just gonna be talking about free
2:06
Speaker 2: and the unexpected tricks that come along with free and
2:11
Speaker 2: how it changes the version of yourself if you want
2:15
Speaker 2: to know. And so before we do anything, you definitely
2:20
Speaker 2: have to go to God in prayer. So we'll do
2:25
Speaker 2: that and then we'll get smarter than this full conversation.
2:29
Speaker 2: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing me in front
2:31
Speaker 2: of your children tonight. These are the words of mouth
2:35
Speaker 2: mouth all upon the ears that needs to hear. Brief
2:37
Speaker 2: is something that we all are going through right now,
2:40
Speaker 2: and especially with the holiday seasons that are, it makes
2:43
Speaker 2: them a little harder for us to, you know, be
2:47
Speaker 2: in the spirits all the time that it's almost walking
2:51
Speaker 2: with you, and we know that our loved ones are
2:53
Speaker 2: with you and they are no longer in pain and
2:56
Speaker 2: something in any ways while the earth. So please continue
3:01
Speaker 2: to walk with us as we are on the three
3:03
Speaker 2: even journey. It's never ending journey. It just every day
3:06
Speaker 2: from moment to moment, and we learned from just thing
3:10
Speaker 2: doesn't get easier, We just learned to cope with it
3:13
Speaker 2: as you help us with this journey. So in your
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Speaker 2: first's and holy name, Jesus, we pray Amen. The thing
3:23
Speaker 2: that I wanted to talk about with grief is that
3:26
Speaker 2: grief has a funny way showing up in our lives unexpectedly,
3:32
Speaker 2: in moments where our day could have been going very,
3:36
Speaker 2: very well, where we didn't have any anything to be
3:42
Speaker 2: sad about, anything to be upset about, anything to be
3:45
Speaker 2: frustrated about. And you could be sitting watching a funny
3:50
Speaker 2: TV show and someone in the TV show a word
3:55
Speaker 2: a phone to bring up the memory of a past
4:00
Speaker 2: on loved one, and when that memory comes up, it
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Speaker 2: brings us sometimes to tears. It brings us some time
4:11
Speaker 2: to laughter. It brings us to so many emotions, and
4:15
Speaker 2: the one thing that we must learn to do is
4:18
Speaker 2: to learn to embrace the feelings as they come. I
4:22
Speaker 2: have been one to say that I was never one
4:28
Speaker 2: to show big emotions or cry or do anything of
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Speaker 2: that nature, because honestly, I didn't feel like I had
4:35
Speaker 2: time to deal with my emotions raising three small children,
4:40
Speaker 2: going through you know, this life, divorce, things of that nature.
4:46
Speaker 2: It was just one of those things that I never
4:48
Speaker 2: felt like I had time to really endure the feeling
4:53
Speaker 2: of sadness or anything like that, because I have so
4:57
Speaker 2: many things to think about. Grief is a thing that
5:03
Speaker 2: has many different layers, and it's not just the death
5:07
Speaker 2: of a loved one that we tend to grieve. It's
5:11
Speaker 2: the number one topic when it comes to thinking about
5:16
Speaker 2: grief is when death comes. But death isn't the only
5:20
Speaker 2: thing that requires grief. And one thing that I have
5:26
Speaker 2: come to understand about myself is as far as my
5:31
Speaker 2: grieving is concerned, is when I have my stroke in
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Speaker 2: two thousand and nine, and just a couple months ago,
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Speaker 2: I realized that I never grieve for the old version
5:46
Speaker 2: of myself. And since I never grieved that I didn't
5:50
Speaker 2: understand that that was part of what I needed to do,
5:54
Speaker 2: because the new version that emerged from that was from
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Speaker 2: the old version before my stroke to the new version
6:03
Speaker 2: of who I've become and who I am continuously becoming
6:08
Speaker 2: has been a true challenge for myself because before my stroke,
6:15
Speaker 2: I was very very on.
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Speaker 1: Go.
6:22
Speaker 2: I'll say it like that simply because anytime anybody will
6:25
Speaker 2: say something to me that I did not like, you
6:27
Speaker 2: were getting an ear full right then and there, and
6:30
Speaker 2: it did not matter if I hurt your feelings, for
6:33
Speaker 2: the simple fact of if you felt bold enough to
6:37
Speaker 2: say something that was disrespectful or hurt to me, then
6:40
Speaker 2: I gave it right back to you. Now, the version
6:44
Speaker 2: of me after my stroke, I started looking at people
6:49
Speaker 2: for maybe they were having a bad day, maybe they
6:55
Speaker 2: just got some bad news and they didn't know how
6:59
Speaker 2: to deal with this, so they lashed out on other people.
7:02
Speaker 2: So I started learning to have more compassion and to
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Speaker 2: not look at people in a negative viewpoint just because
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Speaker 2: of the energy that they were given to me. So
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Speaker 2: the person before the stroke was just a ready set
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Speaker 2: go at any given moment where you were being disrespectful
7:25
Speaker 2: of talking to me, crazy. Whatever, you got what you did,
7:29
Speaker 2: and it was instant, and I didn't realize that until
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Speaker 2: after I had my stroke that I learned how to
7:37
Speaker 2: take a step back from that. But as I've gotten
7:43
Speaker 2: in this part of my journey with brief of learning
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Speaker 2: the old version of myself free stroke, this virgin post stroke,
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Speaker 2: that has been a true estament of strength. It's been
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Speaker 2: a true testament of faith. It's been growth in so many,
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Speaker 2: so many different ways. Hey ladies, how y'all doing. I
8:11
Speaker 2: did not know the strength that I had in myself
8:17
Speaker 2: with dealing with the health issues that I was dealing with.
8:21
Speaker 2: So I've learned to allow myself the space to grief
8:29
Speaker 2: and allow myself to feel the emotions as they come,
8:35
Speaker 2: especially since my mom passed away in twenty three and
8:39
Speaker 2: so since her passing, I've learned to allow myself to
8:45
Speaker 2: feel the emotions as they come and not run away
8:48
Speaker 2: from them because it's easy to run. But one thing
8:52
Speaker 2: about grief is that it doesn't care about your timeline.
8:55
Speaker 2: It doesn't care about your feelings, it doesn't care what's
8:58
Speaker 2: on your schedule, it doesn't care anything about that. If
9:02
Speaker 2: it wants to creep up on you where you feel
9:05
Speaker 2: like there is nothing but release that is necessary. You're
9:10
Speaker 2: going to release those tears, You're gonna release those screens,
9:13
Speaker 2: You're gonna release all of that, because that is part
9:16
Speaker 2: of the grieving process. And a lot of people try
9:19
Speaker 2: to keep themselves busy. They want to keep you know,
9:24
Speaker 2: busy all the time, not just the physical body, but
9:27
Speaker 2: the mind as well. So if you're constantly on the go,
9:30
Speaker 2: you don't have time to deal with the emotions. But
9:33
Speaker 2: grief doesn't care anything about that. It will wait for
9:36
Speaker 2: you to have a moment of stillness, and in that
9:39
Speaker 2: moment of stillness is where grief real come in and
9:43
Speaker 2: be like, hey, how you doing. I'm here. You may
9:46
Speaker 2: not have had time for me, but I have time
9:48
Speaker 2: for you. And a trigger for me has been when
9:57
Speaker 2: I'm outside with my granddaughter because my mother their love
10:00
Speaker 2: to be outside, and so when I'm watching her and
10:05
Speaker 2: she's just enjoying being outside and not wanting to come in,
10:10
Speaker 2: it brings up memories of my mom and how she
10:14
Speaker 2: liked to be outside. And sometimes I have to fight
10:18
Speaker 2: back to tears because I don't want to upset my
10:21
Speaker 2: grandbaby for crime, and I can't really explain to her
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Speaker 2: why I'm crying, because if I'm crying, of course she's
10:33
Speaker 2: gonna assume that I'm sad or I'm hurting for some reason,
10:36
Speaker 2: and in many cases i am. But sometimes it's not
10:41
Speaker 2: tears of sadness. It's just tears of you know, the
10:44
Speaker 2: memories that we were able to create. And so give
10:51
Speaker 2: yourself permission to feel the emotions that you feel. If
10:55
Speaker 2: it's a song that comes on the radio and it
10:58
Speaker 2: brings you happiness, or brings you to a time and
11:01
Speaker 2: a place with that person that made you laugh, that
11:05
Speaker 2: made you smile, that made you cry, or whatever, give
11:11
Speaker 2: in to that emotion. Don't run away from it. Take
11:15
Speaker 2: a moment to acknowledge what it is that you're feeling,
11:17
Speaker 2: because you need to acknowledge the feeling that you're feeling
11:22
Speaker 2: so that you'll know how to process it. Most of
11:25
Speaker 2: the time, we don't know how to process those feelings
11:28
Speaker 2: because they're new and they're different to us. And when
11:31
Speaker 2: they're new and different to us, we tend to, you know,
11:34
Speaker 2: try to push it away because we don't understand what
11:36
Speaker 2: we're feeling. But give yourself permission to feel whatever that
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Speaker 2: emotion is when it comes. When it comes to dealing
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Speaker 2: with grief. Some of us have grieved relationships. And then
11:49
Speaker 2: this is another thing. We don't always grieve the death
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Speaker 2: of someone. Somebody is still living and you no longer
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Speaker 2: have contact with that person, but they're still living, they're
12:02
Speaker 2: still walking around, and you grieve the loss of that
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Speaker 2: person in the sense of the friendship ended, the relationship
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Speaker 2: with them ended, the one on one conversations, the little
12:16
Speaker 2: moments where you may have just had lunch or whatever.
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Speaker 2: You grieve those moments as well. And they're still living,
12:23
Speaker 2: they're still walking around. You grieve the idea of that
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Speaker 2: person that you once knew, and sometimes that's hard to
12:31
Speaker 2: do because of the high regard that you may have
12:35
Speaker 2: had for this particular person. But when you know that
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Speaker 2: that person meant you no good, it's hard to let
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Speaker 2: them go. And being in a relationship, being married, letting
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Speaker 2: that relationship go. I've been in that space and having
12:52
Speaker 2: to come to terms with the ending of that and
12:55
Speaker 2: having to grieve that, and when I will put anticipated
13:00
Speaker 2: in the book. My bestie wrote her collaboration project, A
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Speaker 2: Wife's What was it? Lord Jesus, I can't even think
13:14
Speaker 2: after the vows A Wife's Story? Writing that helped me
13:20
Speaker 2: to release some of the feelings that I had in
13:24
Speaker 2: grieving that relationship because I had been with him since
13:28
Speaker 2: I was sixteen years old and we have three children,
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Speaker 2: when we share three children together, and grieving the person
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Speaker 2: that he was and the person that I had fallen
13:45
Speaker 2: in love with, honestly no longer existed anymore, and having
13:51
Speaker 2: to walk away from something that I thought we would
13:55
Speaker 2: have forever wasn't. It wasn't forever, And so grieving that relationship.
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Speaker 2: It took some time to get to that space, only
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Speaker 2: because when we first split, we had some issues and
14:15
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be in the same space with
14:17
Speaker 2: him because if he opened his mouth, it was going
14:23
Speaker 2: to piss me off. And so I had to get
14:27
Speaker 2: to a space to where I had to forgive him,
14:31
Speaker 2: not for him, but for me. And when I started
14:35
Speaker 2: to do that, I began to have peace. And we
14:40
Speaker 2: can now be in the same room. We can now
14:42
Speaker 2: be in the same space, We can now have a conversation,
14:45
Speaker 2: because in the beginning, he was my friend and we
14:49
Speaker 2: could laugh and joke, talk and talk about anything. And
14:52
Speaker 2: so when our marriage ended, it was like our friendship
14:59
Speaker 2: ended as well. But as I got older, as I
15:05
Speaker 2: got a little bit more mature now. It didn't happen overnight.
15:09
Speaker 2: I will say it's so for years. However, when it
15:13
Speaker 2: got to be the point where I could actually hold
15:19
Speaker 2: a conversation with him and not just want to custom out,
15:29
Speaker 2: it was a moment where I knew I had forgiven
15:33
Speaker 2: him and it was easy to say that I loved
15:39
Speaker 2: him for who he was, and I loved him for
15:44
Speaker 2: the children he and I created together, and I loved
15:48
Speaker 2: him for the husband that he was in the beginning,
15:55
Speaker 2: and it was it's a closed chapter. Did you say
16:04
Speaker 2: that's true. I had a grieving moment myself too. Yeah,
16:08
Speaker 2: it's it's it's one of those things where grief is
16:13
Speaker 2: gonna it's gonna come. It's a revolving board, it's a
16:16
Speaker 2: revolving experience. It's one of those things that, yes, you
16:22
Speaker 2: get to acceptance, and that's usually what they say the
16:26
Speaker 2: final stage. However, I don't see that there is a
16:30
Speaker 2: final stage of grieving. It also is when we grieve,
16:34
Speaker 2: we remember that there was love there and that's what
16:38
Speaker 2: we are missing. And like it's as Regina King said,
16:45
Speaker 2: she said, you find out that grief is basically where
16:53
Speaker 2: love has no place to go because that person is
16:55
Speaker 2: no longer here to be on the earthly side of
17:00
Speaker 2: receiving that love. And so it's grief with no it's
17:04
Speaker 2: love with no place to go when it comes to grief,
17:07
Speaker 2: and I've had to make some some space for grieving.
17:22
Speaker 2: It's it's an adjustment. It's a moment by moment thing.
17:25
Speaker 2: And people will say that time heals all wounds, but
17:31
Speaker 2: the passing of someone that you truly love, like a mom,
17:35
Speaker 2: a sister, a child, your dad, a spouse, those are true,
17:43
Speaker 2: true things that that void is never feel the same.
17:49
Speaker 2: No one could ever make it feel like it once did.
17:55
Speaker 2: And you're right, it doesn't heal. Time does not heal
17:58
Speaker 2: all wounds. And there are good and bad days when
18:01
Speaker 2: it comes to grief. Loving my mom for the final
18:10
Speaker 2: six months of her life, and this is something that
18:12
Speaker 2: has been on my mind heavy about her final six
18:16
Speaker 2: months that I had the time with her. My mom
18:23
Speaker 2: never got an opportunity to feel unconditional love, I believe,
18:29
Speaker 2: until her final six months because as a little girl
18:34
Speaker 2: growing up, she was often made to feel unwanted and
18:42
Speaker 2: if someone said that they wanted her or put the
18:46
Speaker 2: illusion that they wanted her, it always came at a
18:49
Speaker 2: cost and it was pain that was associated with it.
18:53
Speaker 2: So everything that came with it when someone would tell
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Speaker 2: her that that they loved her, are that they cared
19:03
Speaker 2: about her, just using those words. It came at a cost,
19:08
Speaker 2: and it was painful. And so me now that she's
19:15
Speaker 2: not here, I dwell on the fact of being able
19:19
Speaker 2: to give her a love that didn't cost her anything,
19:23
Speaker 2: that she was able to receive it. Now, I will say,
19:27
Speaker 2: in the beginning of that journey, she was not willing
19:30
Speaker 2: to allow me to love on her because it was
19:36
Speaker 2: because my mom was not big on hugs or kisses
19:40
Speaker 2: or anything of that nature. That just has never been
19:43
Speaker 2: our relationship. Now she would cuss me out, of course,
19:47
Speaker 2: but there would always be a joke in there somewhere,
19:51
Speaker 2: and so that was our relationship. But to finally be
19:56
Speaker 2: able to love on my mom, to kiss on her,
19:59
Speaker 2: to hug on her, and her receive it in a
20:02
Speaker 2: way to not push me away, it was a beautiful
20:06
Speaker 2: experience and I'm grateful that I got the opportunity to
20:09
Speaker 2: do that with her, But it was it was hard
20:15
Speaker 2: knowing that she always felt like she had to do
20:20
Speaker 2: something to receive the love that she was always worthy of,
20:25
Speaker 2: and she didn't. She didn't have to do that. And
20:33
Speaker 2: before she left, we had a conversation and I let
20:38
Speaker 2: her know that I know that she had been walking around,
20:42
Speaker 2: you know, feeling guilty for not being the mother that
20:48
Speaker 2: she knew she was capable of being to myself and
20:50
Speaker 2: my siblings. But we understood the battles that she had
20:57
Speaker 2: to face and that all was forgiven and she could
21:02
Speaker 2: go in peace because we were not holding any ill
21:06
Speaker 2: will towards her because some of the things that she
21:09
Speaker 2: went through were beyond her control. And so walking through
21:15
Speaker 2: that was was healing for the both of us in
21:22
Speaker 2: a way because she was able to actually release. Yeah,
21:27
Speaker 2: it was definitely healing for both of us. And when
21:31
Speaker 2: you're able to have that moment, because not all of
21:35
Speaker 2: us get that moment to have that conversation with someone
21:41
Speaker 2: who means the world to us. Sometimes we think that
21:47
Speaker 2: we still have time, like we have time, but we're
21:53
Speaker 2: all on borrow time. We're all on we're on temporary
22:01
Speaker 2: on this side, you know. So love on the ones
22:05
Speaker 2: that love you and let them know just how much
22:11
Speaker 2: you value them in whatever capacity and whatever space that
22:16
Speaker 2: you have them in your life, because tomorrow's not promised
22:19
Speaker 2: to any of us. The next moment isn't promise to
22:22
Speaker 2: any of us. We make plans every day for tomorrow,
22:30
Speaker 2: not understanding that that may not be on God's call
22:33
Speaker 2: list in the morning. We may not be on his
22:35
Speaker 2: wake up list. You know, tonight could possibly be, you know,
22:41
Speaker 2: the final moment for us. But I have made peace
22:53
Speaker 2: with knowing that my mom got to receive love from me,
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Speaker 2: all the love and all the hugs and kisses. Now,
23:04
Speaker 2: do I still wish that I could love on her,
23:09
Speaker 2: hear her laugh, hear her you know, be silly? Yes,
23:14
Speaker 2: of course. I attended an awards show this past weekend
23:18
Speaker 2: and I received an award, and in that moment, I
23:24
Speaker 2: wish my mom was there for that moment only because
23:28
Speaker 2: she was there at the beginning of this journey with
23:32
Speaker 2: my podcast, and so she's not here now. But I
23:36
Speaker 2: know that she was there with me in spirit because
23:41
Speaker 2: I could just feel her in the space and in
23:44
Speaker 2: the atmosphere. And I'm trying not to cry, y'all. But
24:03
Speaker 2: her passing has changed the version of myself in the sense.
24:15
Speaker 3: Of, like, right now, I give myself permission to feel
24:23
Speaker 3: the emotions as they come. It's not always easy, and.
24:36
Speaker 2: One thing that I have learned since she's passed is
24:40
Speaker 2: that if you don't bring me peace, or you're still
24:50
Speaker 2: in a space to where you love to deal with
24:54
Speaker 2: drama and foolishness or whatever, I have to stop that
25:04
Speaker 2: draining energy away. I have to keep it away from
25:07
Speaker 2: me simply because that's not the space that I'm in.
25:12
Speaker 2: And so I just it has changed me in the
25:18
Speaker 2: sense of I only want people around me who are
25:24
Speaker 2: pouring just as much into me as I am into them.
25:29
Speaker 2: I do not have time for one sided relationships anymore
25:35
Speaker 2: in any capacity. And it used to be that I
25:40
Speaker 2: would give chance after chance after chance, because that's who
25:46
Speaker 2: my mom was. Regardless she saw the good and people,
25:50
Speaker 2: no matter how bad they treated her, she still saw
25:54
Speaker 2: the good in them. And I could not, for the
25:57
Speaker 2: life of me, figure that out. That's one thing I
26:02
Speaker 2: didn't get from her, because when I've reached my limit,
26:05
Speaker 2: I've reached my limit. And even so now that is
26:11
Speaker 2: one thing that has changed me since she passed, is
26:14
Speaker 2: that I do not have the energy to forgive like
26:20
Speaker 2: that anymore, to allow you to keep draining the life
26:27
Speaker 2: out of me, because the life that I have, I
26:30
Speaker 2: want to live it to the fullest, and I want
26:32
Speaker 2: to give God the glory for what He does for
26:35
Speaker 2: me in my life. And grief changes the way that
26:40
Speaker 2: you view relationships and the way that you view people,
26:45
Speaker 2: the way that you view time. And if you don't
26:51
Speaker 2: value the time that God has given you, you're gonna
26:55
Speaker 2: miss out on so many different things, and you're gonna
26:59
Speaker 2: miss out on the good that God has for you
27:02
Speaker 2: because you're stuck on unforgivingness, like you don't want to
27:09
Speaker 2: forgive those who caused you and some things I can
27:14
Speaker 2: understand that are simply unforgivable. But if God is the
27:21
Speaker 2: one to give us grace, extend the grace. But you
27:26
Speaker 2: don't have to continue the relationship with them, you know,
27:29
Speaker 2: So just learn to forgive and move on. And you
27:34
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have to speak to those people again. You
27:37
Speaker 2: don't have to keep trying to make something work, but
27:42
Speaker 2: you do need to forgive them so that you can
27:45
Speaker 2: have peace within yourself, because that is really important for
27:50
Speaker 2: you to release, because you don't want to hold onto
27:54
Speaker 2: something for too long, because sometimes holding on to something
27:59
Speaker 2: you cause yourself more damage and more pain. But learn
28:04
Speaker 2: to let go of what's no longer serving you. And
28:08
Speaker 2: when you can let go of what's no longer serving you.
28:11
Speaker 2: You'll understand what God means when he says to let go,
28:16
Speaker 2: because He's had something better for you on the other side.
28:19
Speaker 2: And nothing that I have let go of has hurt
28:28
Speaker 2: me in the sense of he didn't replace it with
28:31
Speaker 2: something that was worse than before. Every time I let
28:35
Speaker 2: go because God told me to let go, He's replaced
28:38
Speaker 2: it with something bigger and better. And I'm grateful for that.
28:43
Speaker 2: And I've learned that through this grief journey, through this
28:46
Speaker 2: grief process, and through the version of myself, that my
28:53
Speaker 2: mom's passing has truly shaped me in a way of
29:02
Speaker 2: loving on people a whole lot more. You know, I've
29:09
Speaker 2: always been a person to say thanks to over and
29:12
Speaker 2: over again because I've never wanted people to feel like
29:15
Speaker 2: I was taking them for granted in any capacity. I
29:18
Speaker 2: do that so much that it annoys the people that
29:22
Speaker 2: I am in contact with. I'll say thank you over
29:25
Speaker 2: and over again. I'll let them know how much I
29:27
Speaker 2: appreciate them, Like I will tell you, guys at the
29:31
Speaker 2: end of this, because I'm not gonna be on here
29:32
Speaker 2: much longer, because y'all, I'm already coughing and doing all
29:39
Speaker 2: this other stuff, but just to be here in this
29:43
Speaker 2: moment with you guys, it means so so much to me.
29:46
Speaker 2: Because I did have another guest that was supposed to
29:49
Speaker 2: be on tonight, but unfortunately they had an unforeseeable emergency
29:54
Speaker 2: that came up, and so I hope everything is okay.
29:58
Speaker 2: So we'll keep them uplifting in prayer tonight for whatever
30:02
Speaker 2: that emergency was. But I also feel like it happened
30:06
Speaker 2: for a reason for me to be able to talk
30:09
Speaker 2: about this grief journey for myself and someone else's along
30:14
Speaker 2: this journey as well, and they're learning how to forgive
30:19
Speaker 2: in ways and spaces because you know, our time grows
30:23
Speaker 2: nearer every year, like next week, next Wednesday is my
30:28
Speaker 2: for it will be my forty seventh birthday, God willing
30:30
Speaker 2: that I see it. I've learned to embrace every moment
30:37
Speaker 2: that I have. Every day isn't always a good day,
30:39
Speaker 2: but it's not a bad day either, And so every
30:42
Speaker 2: night before I go to sleep, I make sure that
30:44
Speaker 2: I thank God for something, no matter how big or
30:48
Speaker 2: how small, because it could have been different. I could
30:52
Speaker 2: have awaken and not been able to move my body,
30:57
Speaker 2: and that has happened I could have awakened and not
31:00
Speaker 2: been able to speak because that has happened. So any
31:04
Speaker 2: small thing that I can find to have gratitude for
31:09
Speaker 2: and with, I make sure that I say thank you
31:14
Speaker 2: to God for allowing me the opportunity and the space
31:18
Speaker 2: to be thankful. If you're making plans for anything, and
31:23
Speaker 2: I hear people talk about a lot that they don't
31:25
Speaker 2: celebrate birthdays. Every day is your birthday, So start looking
31:32
Speaker 2: at it like that. Because every day that your eyes
31:35
Speaker 2: open and you're able to move around, or you're able
31:38
Speaker 2: to do the things that God allows you to do,
31:42
Speaker 2: celebrate it. You may be in pain, you may have
31:48
Speaker 2: a headache, you may have hip pain, you may have
31:52
Speaker 2: back pain, you may have pain in your finger, your ankle,
31:56
Speaker 2: your toe, your elbow, whatever it is. Thank God for
32:00
Speaker 2: that because you're able to feel celebrate the big and
32:06
Speaker 2: the small. My son Nathan today told me that he's
32:13
Speaker 2: planning to do something for my birthday because I don't
32:17
Speaker 2: celebrate myself. You guys, the award that I won for
32:23
Speaker 2: the I won Legendary of the Year Award at the
32:28
Speaker 2: fifty one fifty Foundation Award Show this past Sunday, and
32:34
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the opportunity. But and I'm not saying
32:39
Speaker 2: but in the sense of I don't feel as if
32:43
Speaker 2: I deserved the award. It was surprising and shocking to
32:47
Speaker 2: me that I won that because I'm just beginning this
32:53
Speaker 2: journey and for someone to see the things that I
32:57
Speaker 2: have been working on, it's just truly amazing to me.
33:03
Speaker 2: But I did not celebrate the wind. I came home
33:08
Speaker 2: and my kids are really excited. I'm really excited, but
33:12
Speaker 2: that's as far as it went, because I don't really
33:17
Speaker 2: know how to celebrate myself, you know, and it's a
33:25
Speaker 2: process for me. So I'm gonna need some pinners on
33:30
Speaker 2: how to celebrate because I honestly do not know how.
33:35
Speaker 2: And as crazy as that may sound, like, I will
33:38
Speaker 2: celebrate things for everyone else, but when it comes to me,
33:42
Speaker 2: I don't know how to do that. I struggle very,
33:46
Speaker 2: very hard with celebrating myself and any accomplishments that I have,
33:52
Speaker 2: and I'm slowly learning, but I haven't got there yet.
33:56
Speaker 2: So thank you. I just I don't girl, we gonna
34:05
Speaker 2: be finding this out together, because I really don't know
34:07
Speaker 2: how to celebrate. I don't, you know. I'm grateful for
34:13
Speaker 2: every task and I think It falls back to as
34:16
Speaker 2: a little girl growing up not celebrating things at all,
34:25
Speaker 2: like birthday celebrations. You know, the old tradition was, you know,
34:29
Speaker 2: your birthday comes, they throw a flower in your face
34:31
Speaker 2: and give you a couple of gifts. But there was
34:34
Speaker 2: no birthday parties or anything like that. And then any
34:40
Speaker 2: report cards, even if the grades were good, there was
34:43
Speaker 2: no you know, celebration for that, and so any success
34:49
Speaker 2: it was just like, well, I was always told that
34:52
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to do anything, and so anytime I
34:55
Speaker 2: would do it, it was like, Okay, yeah, I proved
34:57
Speaker 2: you wrong. I could do it, and so I would
34:59
Speaker 2: just move on to the next thing I was told
35:02
Speaker 2: I couldn't do. So I just don't know how to
35:05
Speaker 2: stopped and live in the moment of the accomplishment and celebrated.
35:11
Speaker 2: When I graduated college, I got the degree, went to
35:17
Speaker 2: waffle house, came home with the bit that was my celebration.
35:21
Speaker 2: I didn't I didn't do any of that stuff. So
35:26
Speaker 2: I really struggle with celebrating. I struggle with buying myself
35:31
Speaker 2: things because I think of what someone else is gonna
35:34
Speaker 2: need first. I don't know I when I figured out, y'all,
35:41
Speaker 2: we'll figure this thing out together. But grief is never ending.
35:49
Speaker 2: Love on those that love you. If you're holding on
35:53
Speaker 2: to a grudge with someone because they said or did
35:56
Speaker 2: something to you, no matter how part it was for
36:02
Speaker 2: you to experience it, you have become a better person
36:08
Speaker 2: because you didn't allow that to define you. And so
36:12
Speaker 2: since you didn't allow it to define you, it doesn't
36:15
Speaker 2: control you. So if it doesn't control you, then you
36:18
Speaker 2: have the power to forgive so that you can move
36:21
Speaker 2: on and show someone else that yes, you may have
36:24
Speaker 2: been broken, but you are still blessed, and so forgive,
36:35
Speaker 2: grieve them even though they are still living. Give yourself
36:40
Speaker 2: permission to let them go. The weight that you've been
36:44
Speaker 2: carrying because of someone else, is hurt that they may
36:48
Speaker 2: have caused you. It's no longer yours to carry. Give
36:50
Speaker 2: it back to them. Let them carry their own burdens,
36:53
Speaker 2: let them carry their own hurts, their own pains. They're
36:57
Speaker 2: not for you to carry anymore. You carried it long enough,
37:00
Speaker 2: and it's time for you to let that go so
37:03
Speaker 2: that you can actually be lighter and actually walk in
37:09
Speaker 2: your purpose and grieve them in the sense of you
37:15
Speaker 2: love them, and it's time to let them. Go. Give
37:23
Speaker 2: yourself permission to love the new version of yourself. The
37:28
Speaker 2: old version was good for what was necessary in the
37:33
Speaker 2: time that you were that particular version of yourself. But
37:37
Speaker 2: love yourself enough to know that you are enough. You
37:39
Speaker 2: always have been enough, and you always will be enough.
37:43
Speaker 2: Don't let grief keep you confined to depression. Love the
37:49
Speaker 2: moments that you shared, the memories that you created. Listen
37:55
Speaker 2: to those a little bit more than the sad times,
37:57
Speaker 2: because I could dwell on the sadness of of the
38:00
Speaker 2: relationship with my mom, but I tend to I tend
38:06
Speaker 2: to force myself out of the sad moments because we
38:10
Speaker 2: had more happy times that I remember. Because yeah, of
38:15
Speaker 2: course she said some hurtful things, but I also realized
38:19
Speaker 2: that they were coming from a hurtful place. And she
38:25
Speaker 2: was once a child too, and she was once a
38:29
Speaker 2: little girl, a teenager before she became a mom, and
38:36
Speaker 2: she never got to grieve those versions of herself. She
38:40
Speaker 2: never got to grieve the innocence of the little girl
38:43
Speaker 2: she once was. And so learning to see her beyond
38:49
Speaker 2: the title of her being my mom allowed me to
38:53
Speaker 2: look past the things that she said out of hurt
38:57
Speaker 2: And I've had to come to understand that she loved
39:06
Speaker 2: me the best way that she knew how, because the
39:09
Speaker 2: way that she had received love was through pain, so
39:12
Speaker 2: she only knew how to give it in that way.
39:16
Speaker 2: But watching her with my children let me know that
39:21
Speaker 2: the love that she gave to them was the love
39:24
Speaker 2: that she had always wanted to receive. And she was
39:26
Speaker 2: always the mother that I needed, and I gave my
39:29
Speaker 2: children the mother that I wanted. And so I love
39:35
Speaker 2: the fact that I was able to recognize that. Now.
39:41
Speaker 2: Did I recognize it before she passed? No, But during
39:47
Speaker 2: that time, I was so busy on focusing being there
39:51
Speaker 2: for her in that moment, in her moments of transition,
39:56
Speaker 2: that I focused on that, and I prayed ask God
40:00
Speaker 2: to allow all of the lessons that my mom was
40:03
Speaker 2: teaching me during that transition time to let me recall
40:10
Speaker 2: the lessons that she was teaching so that I would
40:13
Speaker 2: be able to feel what she was teaching after she
40:19
Speaker 2: was gone. Because I had gotten so used to my
40:23
Speaker 2: mom showing up every three months, and so after my
40:27
Speaker 2: mom had been pack gone for three months, it was
40:31
Speaker 2: a thing where I was like, oh, well, she's not
40:34
Speaker 2: I was in my denial stage. I'll say that it's
40:37
Speaker 2: three months, she'll be back. But then I had to
40:39
Speaker 2: realize there's no coming back. It was her final goodbye,
40:45
Speaker 2: and that was a hard thing to handle. But I've
40:53
Speaker 2: gotten better. It ain't always an easy thing, but it's
41:01
Speaker 2: it's a it's a it's a beautiful process. But I'm
41:05
Speaker 2: not gonna keep you guys any longer. Y'all have seen
41:08
Speaker 2: me cry, y'all heard me bark like a dog with
41:10
Speaker 2: this cough that I got. But I thank you guys
41:15
Speaker 2: for first tuning in listening to me. Tonight. I will
41:20
Speaker 2: be back on I think it is November. Hold on,
41:26
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna tell you no. Let me just gonna
41:27
Speaker 2: look till you want to be back. It's gonna be
41:29
Speaker 2: a Sunday, of course, November the ninth, and I will
41:38
Speaker 2: be with Denisia Harper. We're gonna continue our conversation about
41:45
Speaker 2: loving yourself authent the authentic version of yourself. But God,
41:53
Speaker 2: we thank you for being with us tonight, giving us
41:57
Speaker 2: all that we needed to know that we are not
42:01
Speaker 2: alone on our grieving journey and that everything that we
42:06
Speaker 2: are going through you provide the grace and the protection
42:10
Speaker 2: and the coverage and the love that we need. Even
42:13
Speaker 2: on dates when we don't even understand the reason why.
42:16
Speaker 2: But everything that happens is connected to our greater purpose.
42:22
Speaker 2: Because even the pain that we've gone through, even the
42:25
Speaker 2: loss of the loved ones that we have lost along
42:28
Speaker 2: the way, are connected to the greater good of the
42:30
Speaker 2: purpose in which we have been created. So allow us
42:34
Speaker 2: to continue to walk by by faith and not by sight,
42:38
Speaker 2: and with the strength that you give us to endure
42:41
Speaker 2: each and every moment, because everything that we go through
42:44
Speaker 2: is a puzzle piece that's connected to the greater version
42:48
Speaker 2: of ourselves. So I thank you guys for tuning in tonight,
42:52
Speaker 2: and I will see you guys back on Sunday, November ninth,
42:58
Speaker 2: And as always, remember to stay out of God's business.
43:01
Speaker 2: The only thing he need you to do is be
43:02
Speaker 2: able to get to what He's called you to do.
43:04
Speaker 2: Good Night, you guys.
43:05
Speaker 1: I love you, lord O.