Latest / Trauma Free Relationship / How To Build Trust After Trauma

Transcript

How To Build Trust After Trauma · Trauma Free Relationship

0:00
Trust is the cornerstone of healthy relationships and in
0:03
creating a stable sense of self, and is often the first casualty
0:08
of trauma. The betrayal of trust, rather
0:11
through physical, emotional, or psychological abuse, can leave
0:15
deep wounds that erodes one's faith in others and in oneself.
0:21
The impact of trauma on trust manifests in various ways in a
0:24
relationship, including hyper vigilance.
0:28
That's a heightened state of alertness and anticipation of
0:31
potential threats. It makes it very difficult to
0:34
relax and engage in open communication.
0:37
Often it manifests in avoidance, A tendency to withdraw from
0:42
others and avoid forming close connections as a way to protect
0:46
oneself from further harm. And finally, it manifests itself
0:50
in difficulty with self disclosure, A reluctance to
0:54
share personal information and emotions with others due to fear
0:58
of judgment or betrayal. Changing these symptoms can take
1:02
time and requires diligence on the part of the trauma survivor
1:06
to build the internal resources to overcome broken trust.
1:11
And just like if an egg is broken from the outside, the
1:15
life inside dies. But if an egg is broken from the
1:19
inside, then a life emerges because true change comes about
1:24
from within. Healing emerges from the inside
1:28
out. The process of rebuilding trust
1:31
after trauma is a delegate and challenging journey, and one
1:35
that requires 3 things first, cultivating inner strength and
1:40
self acceptance, or what I call embracing your vulnerability and
1:45
relearning to take risks. It involves challenging
1:48
misperceptions of others and 3rd managing emotional triggers.
1:54
And that's what we're going to talk about today.
1:56
Let's get started. Welcome to Trauma Free
2:00
Relationship, a podcast that provides support and guidance to
2:04
help heal the wounds of attachment trauma.
2:06
Whether you find yourself struggling with unresolved
2:08
issues in the past or have experienced trauma in your
2:11
current relationship, our goal is to provide accurate,
2:15
scientifically informed information as well as the tools
2:18
to help you create a secure connection between you and your
2:21
partner. And here's your host, Tom
2:23
Phillip. OK, what we're going to talk
2:25
about to begin with is how to build trust after trauma,
2:30
starting with cultivating inner strength and self acceptance.
2:34
And often times I think about this in terms of how do we
2:38
embrace our vulnerability and relearn to take take risks.
2:43
Because as I mentioned in the introduction, one of the thing
2:46
that trauma does is it deeply disrupts our ability to take
2:52
risks with our partner. It disrupts our ability to
2:55
embrace and hold our vulnerable emotion long enough so that we
3:00
can speak from a place of deep need in the relationship and to
3:05
communicate that and be able to have a greater chance of
3:09
receiving that with our partner. So being able to embrace
3:13
vulnerability and relearn to take risks is a huge skill for
3:19
the trauma survivor to have to relearn.
3:22
It's a little bit like having your leg broken and having to
3:26
learn to re walk on that leg going through rehabilitation
3:31
because it's not something that's going to be natural for
3:34
the broken leg to do. The broken leg wants to limp.
3:37
It wants to lean on the healthy leg so that it doesn't cause
3:42
further harm to the broken leg. But in doing so, it only
3:47
prolongs the weakness of the broken leg.
3:51
And so vulnerability is a state of emotional open openness where
3:55
you allow yourself to be seen and known by others.
4:00
And so being able to embrace our vulnerability, embrace the the
4:05
risk that it takes to be seen by others is is a huge deal
4:10
actually. And it takes tremendous amounts
4:13
of courage to be able to get a trauma survivor to be able to
4:19
hold that place of vulnerability long enough that as I said a few
4:24
minutes ago, they can speak out of that vulnerability and really
4:28
access those deep needs that are necessary for connection, for
4:34
closeness with another human being, especially their partner.
4:38
And when we've had trauma, which is the most often, our typical
4:43
type of trauma is relational trauma.
4:45
When we've had relational trauma, it it it severely
4:49
disrupts that ability to be vulnerable with somebody else
4:54
again. And often times what I'll talk
4:56
to with my couples is when I'm describing the place of
5:00
protection they go to and after. I've normalized that because it
5:05
always makes sense to me. When somebody's in a place of
5:08
protection, it always makes sense.
5:11
We put it into context why they're behaving the way they
5:14
are, why they seem to be defensive, why they seem to shut
5:19
down, why they seem to blame and be critical.
5:23
It's because deep down that vulnerability is too scary to
5:27
move into. And so it's safer to stay into
5:30
our protective strategies in order to protect ourselves and
5:35
yet still hoping somehow somebody's going to be able to
5:39
see through all of that and and and be able to connect with
5:44
this. And that just doesn't happen
5:45
very often with couples. When you're in your place of
5:48
protection, your partner sees on the outside that hardness.
5:53
They see that that they see you shutting down or they they hear
5:58
the criticism and the blame coming at them.
6:01
They don't see the vulnerability underneath.
6:04
It's hard for them to see that behind the anger or behind the
6:08
stonewalling is actually a sense of fear.
6:12
And and so because they can't see that it's on the inside of
6:16
us but we use our protective strategies to hide it.
6:19
They're responding to what they see on the outside.
6:22
And so often I will tell my couples when they move into a
6:25
place of protection, that it's it's like they're in a castle,
6:29
and that the castle is on an island by itself, maybe
6:34
surrounded by a Moat, and they've pulled up the
6:37
drawbridge. They're safe in there.
6:39
They are safe in that castle, and that is their safe place.
6:43
But there's no way for anybody to reach them when they're in
6:47
that castle, even even trying to reach them in a sense of love
6:52
and care and concern, empathy. When you're on an island by
6:56
yourself, surrounded by a boat with a drawbridge pulled up,
6:59
there's no way for anybody to get to you.
7:03
And so relearning how to lower the the drawbridge, relearning
7:08
how to step out and take that risk and open yourself to the
7:13
vulnerability of being able to make that deep connection that
7:18
often times is necessary and required for healing.
7:23
That deep connection where somebody gets it, they see it,
7:26
they understand it, they want to sit there with you in it.
7:30
It's not too much for them to take.
7:33
And so being able to lower that drawbridge and step out into a
7:38
place of vulnerability is something the trauma survivor
7:41
has to learn. And just like just like a
7:45
blooming flower, where the seed needs to open its petals in
7:51
order for the sun so the sun can shine down on it, In order for
7:56
the flower to bloom, we need to open ourselves up to the
8:00
vulnerability in order to grow and thrive.
8:04
And so this is a huge ask, and I'm always aware of what I'm
8:10
asking a partner to do. When I asked them to turn and
8:16
reveal something vulnerable to the other partner, I'm always
8:18
aware and often times what I will do, I will try to prepare
8:22
the other partner to receive it. Because if they're in a place
8:26
where they can't receive a vulnerable statement or
8:30
something vulnerable about the the trauma survivors part of
8:36
themselves, what it is, what's going on with them, then I won't
8:40
have them do that. I won't have them take the risk
8:42
and reveal it if I feel like the other partners been triggered,
8:46
or they're in a place of defensiveness, or they simply
8:49
can't receive it in those moments.
8:51
Because I don't want them to step out and take that risk only
8:55
to get what they've always gotten before, which is to be
8:58
dismissed, shut down, have it come back on them in a different
9:01
way, be used against them differently at home, whatever
9:04
that might be. I've got to create a different
9:07
experience with that couple. And so often times I will, I
9:13
will check with the partner. They're getting ready to say
9:16
something really vulnerable to you.
9:17
You've been listening to us. You've been sitting here.
9:19
Watch this. You see what kind of state
9:22
they're in right now. When they turn to you, would you
9:24
be able to hear them? Will you be able to to receive
9:27
that? Can you hold that feeling for
9:30
just long enough to be able to sit in it with them?
9:34
And often times I will get a yes, yes, I can.
9:36
I hear that. I see what's going on.
9:38
Yes, I'm ready to do that. And then when we process that
9:42
later, what I often hear from that partner is, oh, that was so
9:46
nice to see them be vulnerable. This is what I've been wanting.
9:49
This is what I've been needing. Not the defensiveness, not the
9:53
walls that that stay up and the drawbridge and them shutting
9:57
down or them being critical and and blaming me for everything.
10:04
I've longed for this vulnerability where they can
10:06
actually share deeply what is going on inside of them.
10:11
So cultivating inner strength and self acceptance comes
10:15
through when we are able to hold on to our vulnerability long
10:19
enough that we can take a risk to let others see us in that
10:24
place and hear us. We can speak from that place so
10:28
they can hear us from that place as well.
10:30
So here's three steps I want you to try in terms of being able to
10:37
cultivate this strength and learn how to embrace your
10:40
vulnerability and learn how to take risks.
10:43
First thing I want you to do is start small.
10:46
Don't try to dive into the biggest, most vulnerable thing
10:50
about you. Start small.
10:52
Test the waters a little bit. If I reveal a little part of
10:56
this myself, how does my partner respond?
10:59
If I let them know that this is a vulnerable moment for me, how
11:03
does my partner respond? And so one of the things we talk
11:07
about in therapy with couples is you can always slice it thinner.
11:11
What I mean is if it feels like you're going to tell your
11:15
partner something vulnerable by yourself, but in that moment it
11:19
feels too vulnerable, you can always slice it thinner and tell
11:23
them that you're feeling vulnerable with them and that
11:27
there's a part of you that would like to open up and is working
11:31
on sharing more with them. So you're not actually revealing
11:35
anything, but you're revealing about some of the process inside
11:38
of you. And and whenever I've seen that
11:41
happen, I always get a wonderful response from the other partner
11:45
because they are all of a sudden, it captures their
11:48
attention that, oh, you're feeling vulnerable internally.
11:51
I want to pay attention to this. I want them to be able to open
11:54
up and share these things with me.
11:56
So if you feel like you cannot share something vulnerable, you
12:02
can always slice it a little bit thinner and share that.
12:06
You want to share vulnerable, that you're working on it, that
12:08
you're working towards trying to open up and be seen more in this
12:13
in this tender, raw place. The second thing I would say in
12:18
terms of being able to work on this is try to prepare your
12:21
partner, tell them I I'm, I want to say something vulnerable, but
12:25
this is not easy for me to say. Can you sit there for a minute
12:29
and just let me finish and and kind of work this out with you
12:34
and and then I would love to have you respond, but can you
12:37
just give me enough time to kind of work through this myself?
12:41
Because I want to get better at this with you.
12:43
I want to learn to open up, I want to learn to trust deeper
12:47
with you. So preparing your partner is
12:50
really important for being able to share your vulnerability with
12:55
them. And then lastly, what I would
12:58
say is put yourself in a place where you can be open to their
13:02
response. Often times what happens is when
13:05
we share something vulnerable and somebody doesn't respond
13:09
exactly like we want them to, that that immediately shuts us
13:13
down and we say to ourselves, never again, well, I'm not going
13:17
to do that again because I didn't get the response I
13:20
wanted. So if you if you start small, if
13:24
you slice things thinner, if you prepare your partner, then the
13:28
last step is to try to be as open as possible to whatever it
13:33
is they're responding however it is they're responding.
13:37
And so you're you're able to broaden your your mindset about
13:43
what the exact response would look like and instead you can
13:47
just let yourself be there in the moment.
13:50
So I think those are three three different ways that can help you
13:54
learn to cultivate inner strength and self self
13:57
acceptance more. And by doing this, you're going
14:01
to allow yourself to embrace your vulnerability, hold on to
14:04
it longer instead of moving right to a place of
14:07
protectiveness. And you're going to learn to
14:10
take risks some more as well. So let's move on to #2
14:14
challenging misperceptions of others.
14:18
So one of the things that trauma does obviously is it it creates
14:22
sometimes an unstable sense of self so that we will misperceive
14:28
others intentions, we will misperceive others motivations.
14:33
We often assume that because they did something that we know
14:37
why they did it, and they did it because they wanted to hurt us,
14:41
or they did it because they were manipulating us, or they did it
14:44
because they were selfish or whatever it might be.
14:49
But we get kind of locked in this bubble sometimes where we
14:53
can we can misperceive beliefs about others and it can lead to
14:59
misunderstandings about the conflict itself.
15:02
So let me give you sort of a personal example.
15:05
When I was growing up, my father could be quick to anger, and as
15:11
a result, I was always kind of a little bit on edge about what
15:16
might set him off because he wasn't the most patient of
15:20
people. And I remember one time I was at
15:23
my friend's lake house with his family and we were having a
15:26
wonderful time and I forgot to bring a book.
15:30
And because it was a nice relaxing weekend.
15:33
And so my friend's father offered to drive me around and
15:36
see if I could, you know, find a book I'd want.
15:39
And this was a small town, a lakeside town.
15:42
There weren't many stores, but we went to one, maybe two places
15:47
and I began to feel anxious. And I was thinking, you know, at
15:51
any moment he's probably going to say, well, we tried, let's go
15:54
back. We're done.
15:55
That's enough. We've we've gave it our best
15:57
shot. But he didn't.
15:58
He was patient and he was willing to go to several more
16:03
places and we probably drove for an hour, an hour and a half, and
16:07
the whole time he seemed to be in a really good mood and he
16:10
didn't. I mean it's it's like I was on
16:12
pins and needles just waiting for him to say, OK, well that's
16:15
enough of that, let's go on back.
16:17
But he never did. And I remember that resonating
16:20
with me as something completely different.
16:23
So I I give you this example to say that often times we we hold
16:31
on to beliefs about people expecting them to act in certain
16:35
ways based on our previous experiences, and they can
16:38
actually create misperceptions. And so in in this particular
16:43
case, it was sort of a wonderful surprise that he didn't act that
16:48
way, that that he didn't get impatient and upset when I was
16:53
when when we'd we'd gone to the third or fourth or fifth
16:56
different place looking for a book.
16:58
And I remember there being just the sense of relief and and my
17:02
anxiety kind of lessened because he wasn't getting upset.
17:07
And I I so would have expected that with my own father, because
17:11
that was the perception I had of of men at the time.
17:15
Now I know better now. I've worked on it a lot and I
17:18
know I have to be patient when that feeling comes up, when I'm
17:22
expecting somebody lose patience with me based on my past
17:25
learnings and the past way I was retreated.
17:28
So challenging our misperceptions of others is
17:32
really vital for being able to to create a different experience
17:40
of yourself with your partner. Trauma often times disrupts that
17:46
to the degree that when that feeling comes up in our body and
17:52
that that thought comes to our mind, we hang on to it with
17:56
everything we've got and we're just not going to let that go.
18:00
And So what happens is it becomes a self fulfilling
18:03
prophecy in the sense that if that's our belief about our
18:08
partner, that they're going to act this way, then we never give
18:12
ourselves an opportunity to be surprised.
18:14
We never give ourselves an opportunity to challenge that
18:18
belief and go, Oh well, that wasn't as bad as I thought.
18:22
Or oh, they didn't act like I thought they were going to act.
18:25
They were more understanding, more compassionate, more
18:28
empathic. They stayed with this feeling I
18:30
had longer. They wanted to know more about
18:33
what I was going through in my experience.
18:35
And so we need to be caught by surprise sometimes about our own
18:41
beliefs of others. And so here's three things I
18:44
want you to try in terms of trying to challenge your
18:48
misperceptions or perceptions of others.
18:51
First of all, identify the feeling in your body.
18:55
Our feelings are body based. They are somatic.
18:59
They they resonate in our body. We have colloquialisms in at
19:08
least North America here that that describe feelings in the
19:11
body. So we talk about butterflies in
19:14
our stomach will often times we hold fear and anxiety is in our
19:19
stomach and it creates these feelings of jitteriness and and
19:22
butterflies. Sometimes we'll talk about
19:24
people being a hot head. Well, that's because often times
19:28
we hold anger up in our head and into our shoulders or we'll talk
19:32
about how we have a heavy heart, because often times we'll hold
19:36
sadness and grief in our hearts. So our body is fully engaging
19:42
with our surroundings at all times.
19:44
And when we have a feeling, whether we often resonate that
19:48
into words or not, it is there in our body and we need to be
19:52
connected to that. So the first thing I would say
19:56
in terms of challenging your perceptions of others after
19:59
trauma. Is to try to identify the
20:01
feeling that comes up for you. Where am I feeling this?
20:04
In my body? What is my body telling me about
20:07
my experience of my partner right now?
20:10
The second thing I would say is put those feelings into words,
20:15
and often times that is difficult to do because trauma
20:19
is in the right brain. It's it's a somatic reaction to
20:26
to fright, to fear, to not being able to change a situation we
20:31
are in to feeling stuck in that situation and overwhelmed, and
20:35
so it's not in the verbal part of our brain, but we want to be
20:39
able to eventually put words to those feelings.
20:43
So there's nothing wrong with sitting down and reflecting on,
20:48
OK? I had this feeling come over me
20:50
when my partner came home today that I felt very anxious and I
20:55
didn't know why. And I found myself sort of
20:56
busying myself around the house or the apartment, and that's not
21:01
normally my routine. So what was going on with me?
21:03
But I felt like I oh, I was feeling very anxious.
21:07
I was feeling very in some ways fearful that they were going to
21:11
come home and they were going to maybe have a bad day and they
21:14
were going to take it out on me and it was going to ruin the
21:17
night. And so I was trying to act busy
21:19
so maybe they would see that I was.
21:22
I was trying to be helpful around the house.
21:24
Now this is just an example. I'm sure you can come up with
21:27
lots of examples on your own, But being able to identify the
21:31
feeling in your body and then being able to put it into words.
21:36
Anxious, sad, fearful, overwhelmed, Emotional.
21:44
Scared, Guilt, shame. These are all feelings that need
21:52
to be able to be identified in your body and that need to have
21:56
a word attached to them as well. Important feelings because your
22:01
body and those words are telling you something about your
22:05
experience in the moment, your experience with yourself or your
22:09
experience with your partner. So that's number two.
22:12
The third thing, in order to be able to challenge your
22:15
perceptions of others after trauma is to understand what is
22:19
the misperception. So this is sort of the cognitive
22:22
portion of this, right? So if we go back to the example
22:26
that I talked about just a minute ago, you're busying
22:29
yourself around the apartment or the house.
22:32
Your partner walks in, they're in a good mood.
22:35
You start to feel your anxiety subside and you're feeling
22:39
better. And maybe you're thinking, oh,
22:42
thank goodness, that the night might be salvageable.
22:45
Maybe we won't get into a big knock down drag out tonight, or
22:49
maybe I won't have to spend the whole evening managing my
22:52
partner's emotions. And so you just feel this
22:54
relief. And so one of the thoughts that
22:57
might come along with that is I'm constantly scanning my
23:02
partner's mood, scanning my partner's feelings.
23:07
And this is the hyper vigilance we talked about at the opening
23:10
of this podcast in order to be able to manage or control my
23:17
environment this evening. So one of the things that you
23:20
might think with this is that maybe I'm often too dependent on
23:26
my partner's feelings that dictate my own mood.
23:30
Now, I'm not saying that feelings aren't contagious,
23:33
because they are. And I get it.
23:35
And when your partner's upset, it dampens your mood as well.
23:39
If you if you doubt this, just try talking to your partner
23:43
about something really good that's happened to you and have
23:46
them be in a place where it's hard for them to hear that.
23:47
It's like they pop your balloon, something you're really excited
23:51
about and you don't get a response from your partner
23:53
that's equal to that excitement. It is.
23:56
It is like they're bringing you down South.
23:58
Feelings are contagious. I'm not saying that that that we
24:01
that they don't impact our partner in that sense, but we
24:05
don't want to be so consumed with our partners, so hyper
24:09
vigilant with their moods that it completely takes over our
24:14
well-being and our mood as well. We need to have a little bit of
24:18
an empathic wall there so that we can say, oh, I'm so sorry
24:22
you've had a bad day, you know, is there anything I can do for
24:26
you? But there's enough space between
24:29
you and your partner's feelings that you can still maintain your
24:32
own regulation, your own equilibrium as well.
24:37
And so identifying that the cognitive component of of the
24:42
misperceptions of others, or challenging our perceptions of
24:45
others after trauma is important as well.
24:48
What is this saying about you? What is this saying about your
24:51
relationship when you become dysregulated or you begin to
24:56
feel anxious and you can put that into words and then what is
25:00
the thought that comes along with that as well.
25:03
So that is the second thing in terms of how do we build back
25:08
trust after trauma, Let's talk about the last one and that is
25:11
managing emotional triggers. So this is really important and
25:16
one that I've talked about for a long time.
25:19
I even have a full podcast on trauma triggers, and I'm sure
25:23
this won't be the last time I've talked about it as well.
25:26
But it's worth repeating over and over and over because it is
25:30
something that is so difficult for trauma survivors is to learn
25:34
what their triggers are and to be able to manage those.
25:37
So emotional triggers really are it.
25:40
It's just any stimuli that can cause a strong emotional
25:43
response. It can be anything from a person
25:46
or place to a certain word or smell at times, and when we're
25:51
triggered our bodies go into fight or flight mode, which can
25:55
obviously lead to a number of physical and emotional symptoms.
25:59
It increases our heart rate, sweating, shortness of breath,
26:02
and often times we respond with anger.
26:07
I I like an emotional triggers a little bit to stepping on a
26:11
landmine where everything seems fine in a moment and then all of
26:16
a sudden there's this massive explosion inside your body and
26:21
it feels like all of your Physiology has been hijacked.
26:26
And so you're walking carefully around these landmines, not
26:29
knowing which one you might step on.
26:31
And then all of a sudden with the most gentle of touch, boom,
26:35
you're triggered and and there's this sudden and intense and
26:39
emotional reaction and and I apologize if this is triggering
26:44
to any veterans that are listening to this, that that is
26:48
not my intention. I'm just trying to create
26:52
metaphors for everybody so that we can learn these concepts
26:56
deeply. So I I apologized.
26:59
If you do get triggered by this, please feel free to stop
27:03
listening and and take care of yourself.
27:05
Give yourself time to emotionally soothe and nurture
27:09
yourself in any way you need to and and reach out to others to
27:12
do so. So you get the idea at this
27:15
point right, that that a trauma trigger is something that's not
27:19
thought through. It is a physiological reaction
27:24
that is in the implicit part of your brain that immediately
27:27
throws us into fight or flight. So we need to do 3 things to
27:32
help us understand and manage our emotional triggers.
27:36
The first thing we need to do is we need to understand what our
27:39
triggers are. So we need to identify our
27:41
triggers. Is it a certain place?
27:44
I know often times with couples that have had affairs, they will
27:48
have learned that their partner and and the other man or the
27:53
other woman went to a certain place.
27:56
And so driving by or down that street can be a trigger for them
27:59
because well, that's where the hotel was or that's where the
28:02
restaurant was. So they want to steer clear of
28:05
that because they know that is an identifiable trigger.
28:08
So the first step to managing your triggers is to identify
28:11
them and to know what they are such as the example that I gave,
28:16
so you can start to develop coping mechanisms for dealing
28:19
with them. So in the short run, avoiding
28:23
those places is a good coping mechanism.
28:27
I will say it is not a good coping mechanism.
28:31
In the long run, I don't want you because of the opening of
28:34
the podcast we talked about, one of manifestations of trauma is
28:38
avoidance. And so long term, I don't want
28:41
you to not be able to go to a part of your town or not drive
28:44
down a certain street or not ever eat at a restaurant again
28:48
because of of a trauma, the trauma trigger that that creates
28:52
for you. Rather I want you to be able to
28:54
work through that but in a measured and secure and Safeway.
28:58
So in the short run, yes, avoiding those and knowing those
29:02
are your triggers are important. Secondly, developing a coping
29:07
plan. A coping plan is is just simply
29:10
a list of strategies that you can use to manage your emotional
29:13
responses when you get triggered.
29:15
So maybe that's going in self soothing, maybe it's listening
29:18
to some music, maybe it's taking a hot bath, maybe it's going and
29:22
taking a drive. It could be a number of things
29:26
that work for you in terms of self soothing.
29:29
Maybe it's calling your best friend of the whole world who
29:31
gets it and who understands and knows what you're going through.
29:34
And so you reach out, out and create that human communication
29:38
in order to self soothe. And I think that's wonderful if
29:41
you can do that. If you can reach out to others
29:43
and not shut down and isolate yourself, that is a step in the
29:48
right direction. And so #3 connect to someone you
29:52
trust. And and again this kind of goes
29:54
on, falls on the heels of Step 2.
29:57
That could be part of your coping plan is to reach out to a
30:00
therapist, a counselor, a friend, a family member, anybody
30:05
that understands your triggers and anybody that's able to
30:08
comfort and soothe you. Do not reach out to somebody
30:11
that's going to make it worse. Do not reach out to somebody
30:15
that that is going to criticize or blame or or or even criticize
30:22
or blame your partner in those moments.
30:24
They need to be able to focus on you and your well-being in order
30:29
to be able to be of most use to you.
30:33
So those are three different ways that I think are helpful to
30:36
start managing your emotional triggers and the 3rd way that
30:41
often trauma disrupts and breaks trust that you can begin to heal
30:48
and begin to build trust again with your partner.
30:52
So let me just say in conclusion here, the path to healing trust
30:57
after trauma. It is long and an arduous one,
31:01
often filled with setbacks and disappointments.
31:04
However, with the right support and resources, it is possible to
31:08
be rebuild trust and to create healthy relationships once
31:12
again. One of the most important steps
31:15
in healing trust is to acknowledge the trauma and its
31:18
impact on your life. This involves understanding how
31:23
the trauma has affected your thoughts, feelings and
31:25
behaviours. And once you have a better
31:28
understanding of your trauma, you can begin to develop coping
31:31
mechanisms to deal with it. Another important step in
31:35
healing trust is to find a safe and supportive environment and
31:39
this could either be through a therapist, a support group, a
31:42
trusted friend or family member. But having somebody who can
31:46
listen to you without judgement can be invaluable in the healing
31:50
process. It is also important to be
31:53
patient with yourself. Healing from trauma takes time
31:56
and there will be ups and downs along the way.
31:59
Lots of them. Don't be discouraged if you have
32:03
setbacks. Self compassion is really
32:07
important when you're healing from trauma.
32:10
When you're trying to heal yourself and move forward and
32:13
create a brighter future for yourself.
32:16
You're going to have setbacks and you need to have self
32:19
compassion during the process. So you just keep moving forward
32:24
and if you do, eventually you will reach your goal of healing
32:28
trust. Thank you so much for listening
32:31
and we'll talk to you next time. Thank you for listening to
32:35
Trauma Free Relationship, a podcast for the healing of
32:38
attachment trauma. You can find us on Facebook,
32:41
Instagram, or our website at traumafreerelationship.com.
32:46
Be sure to look for our next episode on your favorite
32:48
streaming service.