Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Caring Enough to Confront Msg 1421

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Caring Enough to Confront Msg 1421 · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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  Speaker 1: In your worship folder you will find an outline that
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  Speaker 1: will guide us through the morning in the message out
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  Speaker 1: of Matthew chapter 18. And if you will, you can
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  Speaker 1: leave it folded and put it at Romans chapter 12,
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  Speaker 1: where we will begin the message shortly. But first I
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  Speaker 1: want to read for you these few verses out of
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  Speaker 1: Matthew chapter 18. We're working our way through the gospel
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  Speaker 1: by Matthew, and we have come to a very practical
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  Speaker 1: few verses that if you have a red letter edition
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  Speaker 1: of the Bible, you'll notice all of these verses are
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  Speaker 1: in red, which tells you that these are the words
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  Speaker 1: of Jesus. I say that only because When reading over them,
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  Speaker 1: one might think this was written by one of the
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  Speaker 1: apostles or perhaps one who was a delegate of the apostles.
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  Speaker 1: But these are words directly from the mouth of Jesus
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  Speaker 1: recorded by Matthew. And I'm referring to verses 15 through
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  Speaker 1: 20 in Matthew chapter 18. They have to do with
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  Speaker 1: confronting someone who has wronged us, someone who has sinned
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  Speaker 1: against us. Once you find Matthew 18, 15, please stand
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  Speaker 1: with one another for the reading of the scriptures. I'm
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  Speaker 1: reading from the New Living Translation of this morning. If
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  Speaker 1: another believer sins against you, go privately and point out
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  Speaker 1: the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it,
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  Speaker 1: you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful,
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  Speaker 1: take one or two others with you and go back
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  Speaker 1: again so that everything you say may be confirmed by
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  Speaker 1: two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen,
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  Speaker 1: take your case to the church. Then, if he or
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  Speaker 1: she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as
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  Speaker 1: a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. I'll tell you
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  Speaker 1: the truth. Whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden
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  Speaker 1: in heaven. And whatever you permit on earth will be
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  Speaker 1: permitted in heaven. I also tell you this. If two
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  Speaker 1: of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask,
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  Speaker 1: my Father in heaven will do it for you. For
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  Speaker 1: where two or three gather together as my followers, I
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  Speaker 1: am there among them. What is true of all sections
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  Speaker 1: of Scripture where there can be a misinterpretation is certainly
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  Speaker 1: true of this one. Because churches have gone to extremes,
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  Speaker 1: this passage has been used as a basis for their
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  Speaker 1: actions when in fact there was never justification for such.
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  Speaker 1: And even those who claim that whatever you want from
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  Speaker 1: God If two or three of you agree on it,
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  Speaker 1: God's going to give it to you based on what
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  Speaker 1: we just read. All of that needs to be clarified.
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  Speaker 1: We'll do that. Please have a seat. One of the
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  Speaker 1: great things about working your way through the Bible verse
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  Speaker 1: by verse, you come upon sections that could easily be
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  Speaker 1: overlooked because they're complicated or they are... contradictory in the
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  Speaker 1: minds of people, not in the scriptures, or they are
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  Speaker 1: complicated and you're able to go through them and explain them.
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  Speaker 1: Often the world of the expositor is unenviable in that
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  Speaker 1: you can't skip from one to another because there are
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  Speaker 1: always a few in the congregation who say, you didn't
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  Speaker 1: go over verses 15 through 20. when we were in
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  Speaker 1: Matthew 18. So today we will. Hopefully we'll come away
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  Speaker 1: with an understanding of what Jesus taught. Before we pray,
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  Speaker 1: I want you to think about someone who has wronged you,
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  Speaker 1: but you have not yet forgiven them. Right now you're
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  Speaker 1: holding a grudge. When you think of them, wrong things
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  Speaker 1: get into your mind And as a result, the bridge
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  Speaker 1: of a relationship is broken down. You didn't want that
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  Speaker 1: to begin with and now that's what's happened. Ask the
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  Speaker 1: Lord to open your heart to what might be a
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  Speaker 1: better way to handle it than you may have done.
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  Speaker 1: On the other hand, you may have handled it correctly
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  Speaker 1: and it simply was not to be. And we'll see
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  Speaker 1: how to handle that as well. Let's pray together. Thank you, Father,
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  Speaker 1: for addressing life as it is. Not so much as
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  Speaker 1: we would wish it to be, but as it is.
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  Speaker 1: Not only are we dealing with others who are sinful,
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  Speaker 1: we ourselves are just as sinful. Not only are others
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  Speaker 1: often stubborn, we are often stubborn. And not only do
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  Speaker 1: we on occasion find it necessary privately to talk to
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  Speaker 1: someone about an offense, there are times when others find
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  Speaker 1: it necessary to speak with us about our being offensive.
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  Speaker 1: So with the shoe fitting both feet, May we realize
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  Speaker 1: you're talking to each one of us and may we
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  Speaker 1: come away with an understanding of direction, of how we
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  Speaker 1: should go. Remind us of the Psalmist words, I will
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  Speaker 1: instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.
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  Speaker 1: I will guide you with my eye on you. Do
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  Speaker 1: not be stubborn, but be ready to change. Thank you, Father,
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  Speaker 1: that the words of friends are often difficult to hear,
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  Speaker 1: but though they wound, they are faithful. They bring about
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  Speaker 1: changes that are necessary, finding us a willingness to change
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  Speaker 1: when we are confronted with those things that are inappropriate
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  Speaker 1: and even inexcusable. Thank you, Father, for our model, Jesus,
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  Speaker 1: who went to the cross bearing all of our sins
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  Speaker 1: and never once holding back, but giving himself fully on
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  Speaker 1: our behalf at the cross, at the cross where we
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  Speaker 1: first saw the light. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness
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  Speaker 1: to your word. May that be seen again today. as
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  Speaker 1: truth is set forth, and ultimately, as minds are changed
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  Speaker 1: and lives as well. Use our gifts, our Father, in
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  Speaker 1: a special way as you will use the food that's
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  Speaker 1: been prepared to feed the starving children. And remind us
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  Speaker 1: that as the money leaves our hands, that it is
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  Speaker 1: being used appropriately. It is being handled with integrity. and
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  Speaker 1: for your greater glory. We commit the offering to you
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  Speaker 1: now as we commit our prayer to you in the
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  Speaker 1: name of Christ, our Savior. Everyone said amen. What do
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  Speaker 1: you do when someone ticks you off or rips you off?
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  Speaker 1: Let me complicate it. What do you do when some
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  Speaker 1: Christian ticks you off rips you all. Don't look at
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  Speaker 1: me like that. You look like cherubs right now. Like, who, me?
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  Speaker 1: It would be interesting to know how many of you
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  Speaker 1: right now are bearing a grudge against someone because you
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  Speaker 1: have refused to follow the direction of the scriptures in
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  Speaker 1: dealing with wrongdoing from another. You see, we take our
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  Speaker 1: cues from the world system all the way through life,
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  Speaker 1: and then we come to the cross. And we come
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  Speaker 1: to Christ, and we discover there's a whole new set
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  Speaker 1: of directions for us to follow. And the difficulty in
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  Speaker 1: following them is we have to object. unlearn so many
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  Speaker 1: of the things that we had, well, we had made
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  Speaker 1: habits out of before. For example, holding grudges and blaming
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  Speaker 1: other people and seeing ourselves as victims rather than simply going,
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  Speaker 1: working it through, getting past it, building a bridge, and
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  Speaker 1: cultivating a continued relationship. That's what caused one wag to
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  Speaker 1: write this. To dwell above with saints we love, oh,
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  Speaker 1: that'll be glory. But to live below with saints we know, well,
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  Speaker 1: that's another story. It's true. When we're in heaven, we're
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  Speaker 1: all justified, glorified, petrified. Everything's done right and not petrified.
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  Speaker 1: We're all freed and without a sin nature and life
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  Speaker 1: is beautiful from then on, but we're a long ways
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  Speaker 1: from there. Well, some of us are a little closer
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  Speaker 1: to there than others, but we're all distant from there
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  Speaker 1: right now. And so on this earth, we have to
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  Speaker 1: deal with the fact that there are others who wrong us.
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  Speaker 1: And it isn't fair. And the tendency is to see
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  Speaker 1: ourselves as victims. I remember back in the 1960s, a
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  Speaker 1: folk singer named Anna Russell made a little folk song popular.
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  Speaker 1: It's got a little humorous verse to it, but back
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  Speaker 1: behind the scenes, when you get to the end, it
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  Speaker 1: hits with a punch. She sings, I went to my
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  Speaker 1: psychiatrist to be psychoanalyzed. to find out why I killed
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  Speaker 1: the cat and blacked my husband's eyes. He laid me
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  Speaker 1: on a downy couch to see what he could find,
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  Speaker 1: and this is what he dredged up from my subconscious mind.
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  Speaker 1: When I was one, my mommy hid my dolly in
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  Speaker 1: a trunk, so it follows naturally that I'm always drunk.
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  Speaker 1: When I was two, I saw my father kiss the
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  Speaker 1: maid one day, and that's why I suffer now from kleptomaniac.
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  Speaker 1: When I was three, I felt ambivalence toward my brothers.
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  Speaker 1: So it follows naturally I poison all my lovers. But
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  Speaker 1: now I'm unhappy, now that I've learned the lesson this
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  Speaker 1: has taught, that everything I do that's wrong is someone
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  Speaker 1: else's fault. Wrong. Everything I do that's wrong is my fault. Now,
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  Speaker 1: that's not politically correct. That's why I like it. And
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  Speaker 1: it's not the kind of information you'll get from the
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  Speaker 1: world system. Because in the world system, you're taught other
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  Speaker 1: people rip you off, so the way you get back
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  Speaker 1: is to get even. Never let them off a hook.
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  Speaker 1: Never forget an offense. And when their name comes up,
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  Speaker 1: remember the offense. And then we become converted to Christ.
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  Speaker 1: And he shows us a whole new way. But we
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  Speaker 1: discover that the new way, hold on now, the new
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  Speaker 1: way is not necessarily the easy way. Matter of fact,
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  Speaker 1: I've learned in life that the best way way is
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  Speaker 1: usually the hardest way. At least initially. But before I
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  Speaker 1: get there, I want you to look at Romans chapter 12,
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  Speaker 1: beginning at verse. Hold on. Romans 12, beginning at verse.
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  Speaker 1: And there it is, nine. Listen to these little staccato imperatives.
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  Speaker 1: They're little brief commands. Twelve, nine. Don't just pretend to
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  Speaker 1: love others. Really love them. You know, that's great counsel,
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  Speaker 1: but that's hard. Let's keep reading. Hate what is wrong,
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  Speaker 1: hold tightly to what is good. By the way, that
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  Speaker 1: doesn't come naturally. You grow up loving what's wrong and
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  Speaker 1: hating what's good. When the old nature wins its way,
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  Speaker 1: that's the way you go. Look at the next verse.
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  Speaker 1: Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in
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  Speaker 1: honoring each other. What great counsel. Honoring each other. That
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  Speaker 1: includes honoring our children. That includes honoring people we could
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  Speaker 1: otherwise take advantage of. Honoring people who see things differently
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  Speaker 1: than we see them. He goes on. Never be lazy,
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  Speaker 1: but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in
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  Speaker 1: our confident hope. Be patient in trouble. Keep on praying.
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  Speaker 1: When God's people are in need, be ready to help them.
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  Speaker 1: Always be eager to practice hospitality. He isn't through. The
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  Speaker 1: list goes on. Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them.
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  Speaker 1: Pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those
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  Speaker 1: who are happy and weep with those who weep. We're
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  Speaker 1: better at the latter than we are at the former,
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  Speaker 1: by the way. We weep a little more easily than
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  Speaker 1: we rejoice with those who rejoice. I've learned. Live in
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  Speaker 1: harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy
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  Speaker 1: the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know
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  Speaker 1: it all. Never pay back evil with more evil. Do
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  Speaker 1: things in such a way that everyone can see you
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  Speaker 1: are honorable. Do all that you can to live in
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  Speaker 1: peace with everyone.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 1: Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous
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  Speaker 1: anger of God. One after another, after another, after another,
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  Speaker 1: after another, after another, after another. You live like that?
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  Speaker 1: We're talking good night's sleep, night after night. We're talking
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  Speaker 1: bridge building relationships. We're talking being the kind of person
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  Speaker 1: that's magnetic. Others can't stay away from you. You'll be
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  Speaker 1: living a life that's marked by loving and learning from
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  Speaker 1: others because it's such a healthy life of accountability. You'll
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  Speaker 1: observe and you will affirm other people. You'll learn from
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  Speaker 1: what they have done or what they have said and
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  Speaker 1: you'll be grateful and you'll encourage and you'll even counsel
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  Speaker 1: one another. And you'll be grateful for what they tell you,
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  Speaker 1: the wisdom that comes from the lips of others. All
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  Speaker 1: these things first occur in the home, by the way,
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  Speaker 1: as we're growing up, get this, we grow up and
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  Speaker 1: our parents are there to give us counsel, to point
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  Speaker 1: out this is wrong, that's right. Don't do this, do that.
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  Speaker 1: And we grow up hearing it year after year, year
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  Speaker 1: after year. I remember being so impressed with our older
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  Speaker 1: son because from the earliest years he had his own
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  Speaker 1: room in this particular home where we lived and his
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  Speaker 1: bed was made every day. I mean, we became a teenager.
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  Speaker 1: His bed was made every day. I was so impressed
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  Speaker 1: with him. Then one day I opened his closet to
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  Speaker 1: get something and I saw the reason. There was a
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  Speaker 1: sleeping bag. in his closet that he opened up on
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  Speaker 1: the bed every night and he slept in the sleeping
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  Speaker 1: bag and left his bed made. And I said to him, Kurt,
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  Speaker 1: you sleep in a sleeping bag. He said, I know dad,
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  Speaker 1: making up that bed every day is dumb. I just
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  Speaker 1: lay out the sleeping bag and I said, Kids can
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  Speaker 1: teach you so much. I've suggested that to Cynthia, but
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  Speaker 1: she doesn't like that idea. You learn as you're growing
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  Speaker 1: up in the home. Now, you get old enough, you
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  Speaker 1: don't want your parents to tell you what you should
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  Speaker 1: and should not do, and by then you should be
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  Speaker 1: responsible enough to do it on your own. You've built
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  Speaker 1: your own boundaries, ideally. You've learned what's right and what's wrong, ideally.
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  Speaker 1: And those areas that you've missed, a good friend picks
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  Speaker 1: up where they left off. A good friend will tell
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  Speaker 1: you the truth. I hope you have some friends like that.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, right in the margin of your Bible, Proverbs 26. 27, 6.
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  Speaker 1: Proverbs 27, 6. Faithful are the wounds, W-O-O-U-N-D-S, wounds of
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  Speaker 1: a friend. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. It's
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  Speaker 1: a causative stem in the Hebrew. It means faithful are
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  Speaker 1: the bruises caused by the wounding of one who loves you.
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  Speaker 1: If you don't have a friend who is free to
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  Speaker 1: wound you, you don't have a good friend. Now, that's
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  Speaker 1: not all they do, of course. Of course, that's not all.
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  Speaker 1: But when it needs to be done, they don't hesitate.
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  Speaker 1: They do it correctly. They do it privately. They do
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  Speaker 1: it lovingly. And sometimes with tears, but they do it
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  Speaker 1: because they're faithful to you as a friend. Hold on.
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  Speaker 1: You grow a little older and you may meet your
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  Speaker 1: partner in life and you marry. So now you've got
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  Speaker 1: a built-in point of counsel. I heard that laugh. You've
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  Speaker 1: got a built-in husband, built-in wife. Part of that, what
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  Speaker 1: comes with that is the freedom to tell the truth.
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  Speaker 1: And a relationship is what it should be, is a
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  Speaker 1: truthful relationship. I'm not talking about constant confrontation. I'm talking
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  Speaker 1: about essential confrontation. Who else is going to tell you? Well, yes,
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  Speaker 1: you could go to work and you may have a boss,
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  Speaker 1: a leader that points out things. So you have someone
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  Speaker 1: there telling you. All the way through life, there are
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  Speaker 1: those that we confront. Now, All of that is sort
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  Speaker 1: of built into a healthy point of accountability, which leads
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  Speaker 1: me to say this. An unaccountable life is not worth living.
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  Speaker 1: Because your life is running off the rails. You don't
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  Speaker 1: even know it. You don't have enough brains in yourself
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  Speaker 1: and I don't have enough brains in myself to know
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  Speaker 1: when I'm getting too near the edge. So I need
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  Speaker 1: warnings from friends who love me and from a wife
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  Speaker 1: who cares for me. From individuals who see I'm going
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  Speaker 1: too close to the edge. This needs, you need to
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  Speaker 1: give attention to this. Because in healthy relationships where you're accountable,
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  Speaker 1: you welcome that. The ideal, let me add this before
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  Speaker 1: we get to Matthew 18, is a mentor. One of
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  Speaker 1: the reasons we love mentors is that they have the
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  Speaker 1: ability to point out those areas in our lives that
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  Speaker 1: need attention and they're blind spots to us. We're not
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  Speaker 1: aware that we're doing this or saying this or that
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  Speaker 1: what we're doing or saying makes people uncomfortable. When I'm
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  Speaker 1: with an individual who has got those rough edges, I
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  Speaker 1: always know he or she has not been mentored. When
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  Speaker 1: I'm with one who knows those areas, I know they've
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  Speaker 1: been mentored. So faithful are the wounds of a mentor.
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  Speaker 1: Hopefully you can look back over your life and name
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  Speaker 1: two or three. Even now, I hope you have one
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  Speaker 1: or two who still has the right to walk into
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  Speaker 1: your life, talk with you about things that are very
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  Speaker 1: personal and private Handle them sensitively. Now then, we come
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  Speaker 1: to Matthew chapter 18. I don't want to forget this,
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  Speaker 1: so I want to say it on the front end,
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  Speaker 1: though it's a little bit out of order. Carrying out
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  Speaker 1: much of this when it's done correctly is done with tears.
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  Speaker 1: This isn't easily done. It is done often with sadness.
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  Speaker 1: You're sensitive about bringing this up, but you know it
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  Speaker 1: needs to be addressed, and so you can sometimes have
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  Speaker 1: to fight back the tears because you feel deeply about it. Now,
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  Speaker 1: let's see what Jesus teaches. Here we are in a
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  Speaker 1: confrontation situation. A person has wronged you Verse 15. If
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  Speaker 1: another believer sins against you, watch closely. You'll learn exactly
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  Speaker 1: what to do. Forget what you were told by the
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  Speaker 1: world system. Forget the habits you formed when you were
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  Speaker 1: in the military. Forget the way you grew up in
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  Speaker 1: the streets and you learned the hard way. Forget the
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  Speaker 1: bad habits of when you ran roughshod over people. Listen
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  Speaker 1: to what Jesus is teaching. Be willing to To follow
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  Speaker 1: his leader, leading. Someone says again, go privately. Privately. You
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  Speaker 1: don't do it in front of the Bible study group.
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  Speaker 1: You don't do it in front of the family. You
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  Speaker 1: don't do it with a group of, even group of Christians.
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  Speaker 1: You go privately. One on one. That's what that means.
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  Speaker 1: Go privately and point out the offense. Meaning what? Meaning
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  Speaker 1: you specify what it is that hurt you. Because you
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  Speaker 1: want to make it right. You want there to be
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  Speaker 1: a bridge. You want to have a relationship. And because
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  Speaker 1: that offense broke down part of that bridge, you want
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  Speaker 1: to build it back. So you're coming halfway in your
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  Speaker 1: bridge building process. Hopefully your listening friend will build his
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  Speaker 1: part or her part back toward you. Look at this.
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  Speaker 1: You point out the offense. Watch. If the other person
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  Speaker 1: listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
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  Speaker 1: There you go. It's a great goal. The ultimate goal
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  Speaker 1: is restoration and you've restored. There was a breakdown of communication.
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  Speaker 1: You no longer have a reason to hold a grudge.
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  Speaker 1: You no longer think less of the person. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: you remember with delight the blending and the healing of
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: the wound. Okay? In fact, it says further, the other
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: person listens and confesses you have won that person back,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: but there may not be an acknowledgement from the other side.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: You've had that happen. So have I. What do we
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: do then? Jesus tells us, If you are unsuccessful, take
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: one or two others with you. Take one or two
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: others with you and go back again so that everything
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. Now,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: we're not teaming up on the person. We're not trying
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: to corner them. But having another two or three people
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: with you verifies the reality of the wrong. Chances are
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: good the person has done wrong to others as well
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: in the same way. So you've got someone there or
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: two or three others. And it's based on Deuteronomy 19, 15,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: where you take others when you go back and deal
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: with this situation. I like the way one man writes
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: about it. We should immediately put our complaint into words.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: The worst thing we can do about a wrong is
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: to brood about it. That is fatal. It can poison
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: the whole mind and life until we can think of
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: nothing else but our sense of personal injury. Any such
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: feeling should be brought out into the open-faced and stated mind.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: And often the very stating of it will show how
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: trivial the whole thing is. If we have a difference
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: with someone, there is only one way to settle it,
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: and that is face-to-face. Now, it may not be successful. Jesus,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: being a realist, goes further, and now you go with
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: one or two others, and hopefully that person will hear
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: the other two with you and will understand. acknowledge that
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: wrong has been done. But that may not be successful.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: If the person still refuses to listen, now watch closely.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Be careful when you get to passages like this because
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: you can take it to an extreme. You can make
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: it say some things it's not saying. Let's see what
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: he says. If the person still refuses to listen, take
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: your case to the church. This and Matthew 16, 18
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: are the only two places in all of Matthew where
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: the church is mentioned. The church hasn't even been established
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: yet as a congregation, as a body, except for synagogues,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: and that was never called a church. So this would
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: be a representative group of believers. In our case, within
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: the church, could be the elders. Take this situation to
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: those who represent the church. In other words, we don't
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: bring every offense in front of a congregation, lest we
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: turn the congregation into a courtroom. We would spend our
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: time doing a little more than solving conflicts. So be
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: reasonable in your interpretation. When you take this to the church,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I suggest that you take it to some group within
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: the church that's confidential, where it can be handled with wisdom,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: handled biblically, with compassion, and sadly. There's no delight in this.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: except in the thought that we may be solving a conflict,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: but all who are engaged in it are sad about
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: this conflict going on and they want to see it resolved.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: And so we read, then if he or she still
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Now there are people who will read only that verse
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: and say, that's the reason I want nothing to do
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: with the church because the church is nothing but a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: bunch of judgmental people. That verse has been jerked out
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: of context if you think that, if that's your opinion.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It falls in a context of this whole process. You've
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: gone through all of these other places and now, he says,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: you've come to the place where there is a refusal
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge wrong. Now you're dealing with a rebellious believer.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: who will not accept the reality of an offense, which
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: is not trivial. It's important enough to bring it before
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: a body within the church. At that point, if there
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: isn't a willingness to submit and repent and be restored,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: that individual is to be removed from the fellowship and
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: the joy of what the church brings. Paul did this.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I should say the church in Corinth did this. And
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Paul's statement is, you have not handled it correctly. This
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: man is living with his father's wife, and as a result,
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: you are rejoicing in that. You're considering yourselves free, not
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: worried about the immoral lifestyle of that individual. And Paul
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: says it's not to be handled like that. This person
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: should be dealt with. in the way that Jesus describes it.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: I only hit that lightly because I wanted you to
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: know the seriousness of this situation. If he won't accept
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan. And
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: then he adds this. Keep it in context. I tell
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: forbidden in heaven. Whatever you permit on earth will be
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: permitted in heaven. It's a very difficult verse to translate.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Part of the reason is the particular verbs that are
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: translated will be forbidden and will be permitted more accurately
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: should be rendered will have been forbidden and will have
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: been permitted. Translating a future perfect passive. in the verb stem.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: The idea is not that God is compelled to conform
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: to the church's decisions, but when the church follows the
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Lord's directions, that's Christ's pattern for discipline, it conforms its
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: decision to what God has already determined. God is pleased
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: that we carry out what He has decided. He has
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: forbidden this, and we have determined to do so He
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: has permitted those things and we have permitted them as well.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: And the verses that follow there where he says, I
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: tell you this, if two of you here on earth
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: agree on anything, my Father in heaven will do it
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: for you. That is an agreement with the whole issue
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: of discipline. And here's the way one man puts it.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I like the way he's described it. When the church
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: acts in God's behalf and in accordance with his word,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: In matters dealing with sin in the body, God acts
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: in their behalf by confirming and empowering their faithful and
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: difficult decisions and actions who desire to please him. He
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: will honor such obedience. And I believe that's what the
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: end of it is saying, where he states, I am
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: there among you. I am in your midst when you
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: are doing the difficult thing. Now let me say some
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: practical things and end with a story that I doubt
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: that you will ever forget. A true story. First of all,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: we need to model Jesus' teachings. If we're going to
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: be a church, we need to do what church people
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: ought to do. That is a body of believers. If
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: you have someone who offends you, the very best thing
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: you can do is privately talk with that individual. Don't
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: broadcast it. Don't tell others of it. Don't do it
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: in a group. Go privately and make every attempt to
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: make things right. You will be amazed how often that
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: will be enough. There will be an acknowledgement and the
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: wrong will be confessed. And then there will be the
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: remaking of a relationship and the bridge is built back.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Sometime you will find it necessary to take a friend
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: or two with you to help the person realize the
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: seriousness of what you're dealing with. Remember the tears. Remember
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: the sadness. None of this is done with delight. Admittedly,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: we do it out of obedience to what Christ is
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: teaching and we do it with great sensitivity because we
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: want to do the right thing the right way at
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: the right time. Sometime it is so serious that there
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: must be church discipline which is followed here in the
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: way Jesus describes it. We follow and we want to
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: do what Jesus is teaching. Let me say secondly we
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: must guard against extremes. The first extreme is to become
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: too severe as a congregation. When I was younger as
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: a pastor I was too severe. That often goes with youth.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: I saw things in always black or white, right or wrong,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: good or bad. And as you grow older, you gain
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: some wisdom and you realize there may be more to
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: the story than we have realized there was. And so
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: you are careful to get more of the information. If
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: you are too severe, and too demanding and lacking in grace,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: you will cultivate a legalism among the congregation and we
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: become a body of severe saints rather than loving, caring saints.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: On the other hand, we can become a religious country
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: club and anything goes. There's no standard of holiness. There
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: are no biblical boundaries. We're soft on immorality. We're soft
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: on a breakdown in relationships. Any lifestyle is fine. Just
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: keep enlarging the ranks of the church. That's the other extreme.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Neither extreme is healthy. So I have found that it
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: is ideal when we carry out what Christ is teaching
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: that we keep in mind the ultimate objectives. and I
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: must have you turn to Galatians 6, please turn, verse 1,
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: and I will draw from there the ultimate objectives. Galatians 6, 1,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly,
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: notice the words, Gently and humbly help that person back
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: onto the right path. The goal is to help the
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: person back on the right path. This is called the
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: ministry of restoration. The goal is never discipline. That's the
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: means to the end. The goal is restoration, assisting an
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: individual to deal with the sin that is taking its
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: toll in his or her life, and to reach full recovery,
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: helping another person come back to full productivity. doing it
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: with humility and grace, understanding, and as much as possible, confidentiality. Ultimately,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: our goal as believers is to build into the lives
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: of one another, helping them reach their full potential as
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: God's children. I remember talking at length with Stan Toussaint
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: about much of this since he has just a few
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: years on me and has a depth of knowledge that
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I lack. I loved it when he said, I've learned, Chuck,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: over the years that there are two things that are
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: essential in being a good pastor. One is to teach
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: the truth And second is to love the people continually.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Those are great guidelines. And I remember them even when
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I have to deal with such things as this. Now
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: the story. At another place, in another time, a number
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: of years ago, I was serving as a pastor of
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: a church and it came to our attention as a
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: small group of staff members that an individual had been
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: molesting young women. My first response was because of the
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: reputation of the one being charged. That's not possible. That's
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: a rumor. That's not true. Until I was made aware
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: of more information, and when we checked further, there were
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: more young women who came out into the open who
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: had been afraid to say anything. Some of them had
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: not even told their parents. And now we were dealing
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: with a full-blown issue that had gone on years before.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: And now many of these girls were young women. Some
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: of them were now married and were having difficulty with
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: intimacy in their own marriage that could be traced back
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: to the molestation that had occurred. The perpetrator was a
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: man with an enormously famous reputation, known and loved by
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: the church, revered in circles beyond the church. In fact,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: his name was known virtually around the world. And we
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: realized that to deal with this as we should, we
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: were stepping into some very, very complicated waters. I'm trying
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: to watch my words that I say just only what
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: I ought to say. However, I kept hearing the young women.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: In fact, we met with several who gave us leads
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: and when we would talk with them, just giving them
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: a simple little story As you think back over your life,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: do you recall, and they instantly would say, oh, you're
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: referring to, and every time they would name the same person.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Every time. Every time. So we decided we had no
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: other alternative, though it certainly was out of character for
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: us because this man had such a fine reputation. For
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: us to confront this, we decided we had no other alternative.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: So privately, we confronted it. He denied it. We increased
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: the number of people that would go with us so
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: that he would be made aware of it and he
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: continued to deny it. We had no other alternative but
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: to bring it to the elders and we as a
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: body of elders who had been careful with our homework
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: and put together a number of pages of evidence that
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: we would confront this piece by piece, level by level,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: so that he would realize the wrong, and we would
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: do our best to help him recover from this, and
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: he denied it. The denial became severe, and the severity
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: of it left us with no alternatives, with no other
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: alternative but to remove him. I'll never forget when he
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: was ushered out the screams that followed. I won't get
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: into any more of that. But we sat there and
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: wept as a body of elders. We now realized that
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: this would become known and it could not be handled
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: just privately. The statute of limitations back then was such
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: that it could not be taken to the courts. And
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: so we must deal with it as a body of believers.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: And I told the men, this has to be dealt
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: with next Sunday. At that point, you could almost hear
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: the brakes go on because some of the men realized
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: this had the makings of a lawsuit. It could backfire.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: It certainly would become known in the town where we
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: were located, and surely it was, so that by the
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: Sunday we decided to expose it all There was a
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: representation of more than one television channel there with their cameras.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: There were newspaper reporters there. The place was packed. And
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: it was my unenviable task to carry that message to everyone.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: We had set it up very carefully. We had professionals
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: set aside who would be in certain rooms where different
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: ones could meet Once this information was made known, we
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: surely would have parents who would wonder if their daughter
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: was one who had been molested. And we had this
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: room for them to meet in, if that was one category.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: We had others who were just simply disturbed over all
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: of this and they needed to have the time to
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: work through that. We had another room for them to
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: meet in with this particular qualified individual. Had another room
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: to meet with those who knew that the daughter or
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: daughters were victims of this predator, and they met in
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: this area. By the way, all kinds of things have
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: surfaced since then. I still meet up with women and
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: husbands and wives who trace back to that story. We
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: traced it out to 64 women. I'm confident there were
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: many more than that. One of these women has begun
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: a ministry to help young ladies be rescued from human trafficking.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: As a result of what she's gone through, her life
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: is committed to that very courageous role of helping other
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: young women find hope beyond where they are. I have
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: wonderful news to tell you. Not one channel covered the story.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Not one newspaper included anything. I had a reporter whom
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I trusted say to me, we have never seen a
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: church handle it like it ought to be handled until
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: we've come across this. And I give the credit to
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: those around me who had helped give the wisdom needed,
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: and I was simply the point man who had to
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: take that responsibility and carry it. But I will tell you,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: from having done that, I left that whole situation much wiser,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: much more broken, and much more realistic. Because I realize
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: now if that man could fall and live in such
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: denial all those years, that long, hurting that many precious
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: young women, the stories I could tell would break your heart.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Anyone could. And in light of that, the way Jesus
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: teaches is the best information we could follow. Now that's
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: an extreme and very dramatic true story. But I wanted
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: you to hear an example of when you carry it
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: all the way. By the way, the man was never incarcerated.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Should have been, but never was. I understand that it
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: did in some way get into a court setting, but
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know what the result was fully. We had
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: done what we should have done as a church and
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: we went on and the result was only strength and
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: help and a more and a greater commitment to protecting
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: those in our church from individuals like this. If there's
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: one place where people should be protected, it's the local church.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: There's one place where we should stand for purity and
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: respect for one another, it's the church. And there's one
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: place where there is no respecter of persons. It should
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: be the church. We are to be a body that
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: represents this to a community that's always watching and always
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: expecting us to handle things wrongly, unfortunately. And we should
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: surprise them by handling things correctly. And when we do that,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: it will never be the easy way to handle it.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: I repeat, I don't know how many came to Christ
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: as a result of this event. I don't know how
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: many ministries grew out of it. But just this morning,
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: I met down front an individual who mentioned to me
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: a person who could be traced back to that story
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: in the life of that woman that he had met.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: And I know this, that God honors it when we
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: do what is right. when we carry it out regardless.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: I say all of that to come back to you
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: and to me. It all begins with our going one-on-one.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: As sad and as sorrowful and as difficult as it
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: may be, it's necessary because the alternative is to live
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: with the anchors that we drag through life. Anchors of
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: resentment and blame and grudges. And you will discover when
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: you go through this as you should, just like it
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: was described, God honors it. And he will magnificently bless
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: you for it with peace and harmony. And we will
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: be truly a church. A church. Thank you, Father, for
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: your faithfulness through the years. Thank you for honoring your
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: word when we simply believe it. Thank you for giving direction.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: When we in our flesh. Would run away from. The
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: hard thing. And thank you for. Carrying it to the extreme.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: Ultimately of changing lives. As they realize. They are loved
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: and protected. By those who follow Christ. Blessed a very
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: special way. This message. And may we all care enough.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: To confront. Lovingly. gently, carefully, graciously, and when possible, privately,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: for the glory of Jesus, in whose name we pray.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: Everyone sit. Amen.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: The preceding message, Caring Enough to Confront, was copyrighted in
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: 2017 and 2021. and the sound recording was copyrighted in
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: 2021 by Charles R.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Swindoll, Inc.
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: commercial use is strictly prohibited.