Latest / White Fox Talking / E55: Finding Light Through Laughter - Ben Randm's Uplifting Journey

Transcript

E55: Finding Light Through Laughter - Ben Randm's Uplifting Journey · White Fox Talking

0:02
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the White Fox Talking Podcast.
0:04
Speaker 1: I'm Mark Charlie-Valentine, and at the side of me running the controls is Seb.
0:09
Speaker 1: Hello, seb, hello there, how are you doing?
0:11
Speaker 1: I'm right, thanks.
0:12
Speaker 1: How's tricks?
0:12
Speaker 1: Have you been up to anything?
0:14
Speaker 1: Still feeling the walk?
0:15
Speaker 1: I've done my backing straight after the walk.
0:16
Speaker 1: Ah, I've seen that.
0:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's your fault.
0:18
Speaker 1: Well, it might be stress of work and sat down a lot.
0:20
Speaker 1: That doesn't help.
0:21
Speaker 1: Down a lot that doesn't help.
0:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, potentially Still blame you, though why?
0:23
Speaker 1: For taking on the work?
0:24
Speaker 1: That should be relaxing.
0:25
Speaker 1: You need to be looking after yourself, mate.
0:28
Speaker 1: You're approaching middle age.
0:29
Speaker 1: Catching me up.
0:29
Speaker 1: I did have something to say and I can't remember what it was now.
0:32
Speaker 1: Why don't you introduce the guest I'm going to?
0:34
Speaker 1: I'm going to, but there was something profound I wanted to tell you.
0:39
Speaker 1: I can't remember what it is, Anyway, never mind.
0:41
Speaker 1: Oh, come on next time.
0:42
Speaker 1: So yes, I am delighted welcoming an old friend in here.
0:46
Speaker 1: Been known him a number of years.
0:48
Speaker 1: So, Mr Ben Random, the White Fox Talking Podcast is sponsored by Energy Impact.
0:54
Speaker 1: How do brother you all right, I'm very, very good mate.
0:58
Speaker 1: It's good to see you and good to catch up and get you in here.
1:01
Speaker 1: So, before we begin, do you want to give the listeners a brief?
1:04
Speaker 1: I'm going to say brief.
1:06
Speaker 1: I know what you like, there's no problem.
1:09
Speaker 2: I heard about this.
1:10
Speaker 2: I heard I were barred from this podcast, because you said I was going to natter.
1:13
Speaker 2: What was that about?
1:14
Speaker 1: Well, we've got to be out at a decent time, you know.
1:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, so yeah, basically as it goes, I'm a vibe architect, so I like to go around and raise people's self-esteem and buzz them up.
1:27
Speaker 2: I do that through creative outlets, be it stand-up comedy, creative writing, presenting djing currently in a band as well but everyone will look at them as different facets, but for me it's just all the same sort of umbrella railer, which has just been a light vessel that has sparked the soul of a generation.
1:45
Speaker 2: Wow, vibe architect.
1:47
Speaker 2: Who came up with that?
1:49
Speaker 2: I have to admit, mate, I clocked it on somewhere on Insta.
1:52
Speaker 1: I was like can I share that, please, mate?
1:54
Speaker 2: I'm actually a bit of a vibe architect me saying they're like yeah, go on, what do you do?
1:58
Speaker 2: I was like spread vibes.
1:59
Speaker 2: They're like oh, yeah, you passed.
2:01
Speaker 1: Creativity yeah, brilliant, because it is an outlet and that found we're speaking to people for mental health reasons and we are a mental health podcast.
2:09
Speaker 1: Can we get a bit of background growing up, et cetera, before we start getting to the club scene where we all met?
2:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was born in Bradford shout out Bradford raised in East Bowling and then moved to Whibsey.
2:23
Speaker 2: My mum, single mum, worked proper hard to make sure that I was raised right and that's mainly manners and respect.
2:31
Speaker 2: So I like to carry myself in the sense that If people interact with me and see that they know that my mum's done a good job raising me, that's how I conduct and carry myself at all times Really.
2:42
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think I always like to say Bradford raised me, leeds made me and Manchester's trying to claim me.
2:48
Speaker 2: But that's a different story altogether.
2:50
Speaker 2: Background good at football, good at sport, sort of the cheeky lad in class that had made people laugh and teachers laugh, but not too extreme to be disruptive, but just enough to get away with certain stuff.
3:03
Speaker 2: But a few detentions here and there bit wild.
3:06
Speaker 2: But that's just Bradford life.
3:08
Speaker 2: I suppose enjoyed going out.
3:10
Speaker 2: I was a holiday rep.
3:12
Speaker 2: I was holiday rep into Kimfoss in 2003, 2004 shout out to my holiday rep family because I felt I was going to be a professional footballer.
3:20
Speaker 2: And then that didn't happen.
3:22
Speaker 2: I went to college to study being a PE teacher and I just had this epiphany and I was like I'll have't happen.
3:25
Speaker 2: I went to college to study being a pe teacher and I just had this epiphany and I was like I'll have gone to school, gone to college, I have to go to uni.
3:29
Speaker 2: Just I'd be back in a school again and I shot myself.
3:32
Speaker 2: I was like I'm not doing that and I remember watching tv and then a beef are uncovered, was on, or like reps, reps, uncut, some stuff like that, and it was like I want to do that.
3:43
Speaker 2: That looks like the lifestyle of a footballer without the football.
3:46
Speaker 2: So I applied I didn't tell my mum, I applied to be a holiday rep and I got given the position.
3:53
Speaker 2: I was meant to go a B4 on Mallorca and then I went to the training induction course in Stockport randomly Stockport Hilton, yeah.
4:03
Speaker 1: There's a Hilton in Stockport Similar to Greece.
4:06
Speaker 1: I've heard of Stockport, yeah well, unfinished buildings, yeah.
4:10
Speaker 2: But yeah, man, this was before Stockport had blossoms and that you know what I mean.
4:14
Speaker 2: No, it was mint, met loads of cool people and then just had a right good time.
4:18
Speaker 2: That's when they decided I was going to go to Zante I didn't know how to spell it, I thought it began with an X, but it's a Z Got there, landed, landed in Athens, flew to Zante and then literally one guy with one arm and like the luggage carousel who just wheeled it with the other arm like out like a teapot.
4:36
Speaker 2: So like this is random.
4:39
Speaker 2: Maybe the birth of random started there, but it was good man, like I'm still in touch with everybody, with holiday reps, with like real close-knit family.
4:52
Speaker 2: It was pre-facebook, pre-social media, so it was a pretty loose and wild and uh, yeah, man, it was really good.
4:55
Speaker 2: I think it was good to step away from, like, my home comforts and, uh, be around other cultures.
4:59
Speaker 2: I think that's where I did a lot of my grounding obviously been a rep as well around different people all over the country, different walks of life, so understanding different people.
5:09
Speaker 2: I think that was one of my strengths in my people skills, because I think that's one of my assets that I have as well.
5:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, so just by coincidence, we had Giovanni Sterling or Graft.
5:19
Speaker 1: We had him in a couple of weeks ago because he was under 18, captain of Leeds a couple of weeks ago because he was under-18s captain of Leeds and he was going for you know, thinking he was going to be a professional footballer, but he had his music to fall back on Right.
5:29
Speaker 1: So can I just ask you personally, how disappointing was it not to become as a child, I don't think or as a young person we're saying now for teenagers, if someone's got their heart set on being a professional footballer and they don't make it, because there's not many make, it is on a percentage, do you know?
5:46
Speaker 2: what and this is a good segue to something we were talking off there is, like, I think, when you come from areas like bradford, quite deprived areas, like I'm not saying it was like the streets, man, do you know what I mean?
5:55
Speaker 2: Like, as I say, my mum did well.
5:57
Speaker 2: Like for me, she made sure that I were raised in a decent, decent enough area, got to in a decent schools.
6:03
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
6:03
Speaker 2: Like she did her best.
6:04
Speaker 2: As well as that, there's not a lot of aspirations really, other than just standard jobs.
6:10
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
6:11
Speaker 2: And that was never what I wanted to fall into.
6:13
Speaker 2: The Allure have been a footballer were amazing.
6:15
Speaker 2: It was incredible and I think I could have made it, I think, if I'd had a different discipline or maybe a different dynamic of peer set up, because there's a lot of cliques to football, youth football.
6:27
Speaker 2: You know who's on touchline, who's talking to manager, who's this, who's that?
6:30
Speaker 2: There were a lot.
6:31
Speaker 2: Danny Lawler shout out, lawler, that's my boy.
6:34
Speaker 2: He should have made it 100% and he had all the other sides to it.
6:37
Speaker 2: So I just think the thing at Bradford City is, when we were coming up, they were doing well and they were in Premier League.
6:43
Speaker 2: And then that's when I think they got Rizdale a few lot and then he fucked it up for them as well.
6:48
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
6:48
Speaker 2: Signing like Carboni for mad wages and that sort of sort of scolded, all the youth team and stuff.
6:54
Speaker 2: But if I'm being honest, it were never like something that was presented like I'm that close to a contract.
7:00
Speaker 2: I think I had the ability to a contract.
7:01
Speaker 2: I think I had the ability to, but it was never presented like that.
7:04
Speaker 2: So I knew at a sort of age that I wasn't going to be a pro, but I still wanted to be in and around football.
7:10
Speaker 2: I think that's why I thought, oh, beauty, chill out, sport.
7:13
Speaker 2: And then I tried to get into a college I think Harrogate Football College I tried to get into.
7:18
Speaker 2: That had the worst trial ever.
7:20
Speaker 2: I I still get palpitations of this simple pass that I played out of play.
7:23
Speaker 2: I was like I'm never getting picked here.
7:25
Speaker 2: So, honestly, it was the worst pass ever.
7:28
Speaker 2: Simple, like free up, and I'm a baller as well.
7:30
Speaker 2: They call me the Black Zidane.
7:32
Speaker 2: Like ask me down at Leeds Goals, mate.
7:35
Speaker 2: They know about me.
7:36
Speaker 2: They know about me in the streets.
7:38
Speaker 2: I knew I wasn't going to be a pro, so it were all right.
7:41
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
7:41
Speaker 2: I've not had set my heart on it, but, linking to what we were saying before, I think it's very important that cities and towns do have a good youth system, because it's the things like aspiring to be a footballer and that avenue, or sport, or music.
8:00
Speaker 1: It's one of the things that creativity can lead to feeling that you've got aspirations of achieving more than your surroundings just to fill yourself in, said and the listeners, we were talking before and we're just on about this creativity as outlets for young people and sport, but we live in a time where education authorities are selling sports fields off and we've got government wanting to impose more academics or of Infrastructure Infrastructure for academia, and it's like a production line, isn't it?
8:29
Speaker 1: And there's less money for the arts.
8:31
Speaker 1: Yeah Well, look at.
8:32
Speaker 2: COVID.
8:33
Speaker 2: Covid showed what people think, not just of the creative side, but the nightlife industry as well.
8:39
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
8:40
Speaker 2: Even though you look at the income that it brings in, what I always say is it'll always be celebrated.
8:45
Speaker 2: You know, when the Olympics were here, that was held to a high accord.
8:49
Speaker 2: When Tour de France came through Yorkshire, that was held up.
8:52
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
8:53
Speaker 2: Like all these things that are held and celebrated, you look at festivals like we're unrivaled in the world, I believe.
8:59
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
9:00
Speaker 2: And yet it'll be celebrated to be like yo.
9:03
Speaker 2: Tourists come over to this country.
9:04
Speaker 2: This is how ace it is.
9:05
Speaker 2: But then when those things need funding and support and it's like oh no, no, no, we'll look down our nose at that and I just think there's a lot to take, but not give.
9:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the sort of grassroots sort of gets beat out of it, doesn't it really?
9:17
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
9:18
Speaker 1: And then, who did we actually talking about?
9:20
Speaker 1: Oh it were Craig Gilmore, and about football being actually it's not.
9:25
Speaker 1: You know, it's not that working with sport when kids have got to pay for football books at 150 quid a time and kits and things like that.
9:31
Speaker 1: And he works in South Leeds with underprivileged young people and what they're doing with their community, community sort of group.
9:37
Speaker 1: If you hadn't had the passion for or been the way you are, the way your character is, is and this with being quite well, not quite creative, very creative just across the board really Basically, were you encouraged to be creative or not?
9:54
Speaker 1: Because would you have made it if it wasn't for your own personality?
9:58
Speaker 1: That's a good question.
10:02
Speaker 2: I think I was an only child for a long time.
10:03
Speaker 2: I was always left to my own devices, so I was quite independent.
10:06
Speaker 2: My mum gave me a lot of like leeway, so I was just always in my own imagination just chilling in my room or then, when I got a bit older, just rolling about and playing with mates.
10:14
Speaker 2: And the thing with bradford is you better be ripped, as in you better be good at ripping or you're gonna get ripped.
10:21
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
10:22
Speaker 2: So like we sharpened our tongues like knives, so like that sort of like came back and forth with it, like my mates remember and funnily enough, I'll segue back to this but one of the things I'll talk about later, in sort of when I lost my way a bit with my head, I had to go back to bradford and one of the ways of showing love was not sympathy about where I was at.
10:49
Speaker 2: It was ripping me to almost like dust myself off and go.
10:52
Speaker 2: Mate, come on, like get yourself back to where you know you are.
10:55
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean it was like?
10:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think my creativity has always been my outlet.
11:01
Speaker 2: It's always been my sanctuary, be it when I've been playing as a little kid whatever coming up with, like different games or stuff like that.
11:12
Speaker 2: Then I found that you can talk your way out of a lot of stuff and in a classroom at school you can talk your way in a manner that is challenging to a teacher but like not insulting, and that is developing personality as well, and then your mates will like big you up for that and you get like different collateral and status through that.
11:28
Speaker 2: So I always found that my creativity and my personality always came with that.
11:33
Speaker 2: And then being good at footy as well the Swiss army knife Charlie, you know what I mean it was like I could open any door at that age.
11:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I might mention it on here.
11:42
Speaker 1: Actually, I was talking to someone earlier and about my asking my French teacher why I had to do French when I wanted to do Spanish and she stabbed me in the leg with a fork.
11:49
Speaker 1: I think I mentioned it before, didn't I?
11:54
Speaker 1: Because one of the classrooms used to be a dining room and she was walking down with this fork and she stabbed me straight in the leg.
11:58
Speaker 1: She was French, she was quite upset.
12:00
Speaker 1: So I don't want to learn French, I want to learn Spanish.
12:04
Speaker 1: Bang.
12:04
Speaker 1: It were tough days, mate, in Beeston so, like one of mine.
12:10
Speaker 2: Right, it was 6th form and I didn't want to be at 6th form and I didn't do as well in my GCSEs as I thought, like just few C's, few B's here and there I did, I got a cheeky A in like English, which, funnily enough, I didn't realise.
12:24
Speaker 2: This is what I think staffed is.
12:25
Speaker 2: I was quite good at English but I didn't realise it meant creative writing.
12:29
Speaker 2: It were only later when I'm like who writes these TV shows that are like, are they writers?
12:35
Speaker 2: I want to do that.
12:36
Speaker 2: Or stand-up comedy, what you write, ah.
12:39
Speaker 2: And then like writing became like that.
12:41
Speaker 2: But we're in sixth form and he's winding up this teacher and he went I've had enough, I've had enough, take a seat.
12:50
Speaker 2: So I picked up stool and bounced he went what are you doing?
12:52
Speaker 2: He went, you said take a seat, sir.
12:54
Speaker 2: And even now we all laugh about that Like, oh mate, remember when you did that to a teacher Like, yeah, mate, of course I did so, did.
13:06
Speaker 2: So I know one.
13:07
Speaker 2: Actually I shot adam newsom, right.
13:07
Speaker 2: This was like year 11, and like we knew we were just doing gcses and this art teacher I think it was mr laven we were.
13:11
Speaker 2: Probably all they'd do is all that you two keep talking and right, you'll lose your break.
13:15
Speaker 2: You'll lose your break.
13:16
Speaker 2: So after pe we had art, I went to vending machines.
13:19
Speaker 2: We got some kit kats around.
13:21
Speaker 2: Time advert came so like right, I've had enough, you've lost your brakes went no, sir, we've got some kit Kats Around.
13:24
Speaker 2: Time advert came so like right, I've had enough, you've lost your brakes.
13:25
Speaker 2: No, sir, we've got some Kit Kats.
13:26
Speaker 2: Shout out, newsome, for that, you know, my bro.
13:31
Speaker 1: Like a bit of sort of like high spirits, but no mad at school.
13:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, just daft Sort of virginal and criminal and destructive.
13:39
Speaker 2: Nah, not that I can say anyway, but like nah, uh, all just light humor.
13:44
Speaker 2: I think it was like in an era of um, league of gentlemen, trigger happy tv, father, ted, friends, alt cartoons that used to be on like trouble when you'd get in and it'd be like two guys, girl, pizza place, like all these stuff were just amazing comedy shows.
14:04
Speaker 2: So they're all like you know your channelers, your bergus, ryan reynolds, don't I mean like all these quick witted.
14:10
Speaker 2: So I was watching all these shows.
14:11
Speaker 2: So it would never like to tackle people with like trying to be like a div or be hard or be like aggressive.
14:18
Speaker 2: It were always like articulation, like in a way for off the bulls.
14:22
Speaker 2: And this dude was like what are you saying?
14:24
Speaker 2: I was like I've had enough of you, I won't repeat myself.
14:27
Speaker 2: And just like what did he say?
14:28
Speaker 2: I told you I won't repeat myself and like ah, you repeated yourself.
14:31
Speaker 2: You know just daft stuff like that.
14:33
Speaker 2: Like just, but with a cheeky smile.
14:35
Speaker 2: That'd be like ah, he's alright, I give him that.
14:38
Speaker 1: And just like I haven't changed mate no, well, I've got to say, we first met with you coming into nightclubs when I was working, wasn't it?
14:46
Speaker 1: And it was always that you know light hearted banter.
14:49
Speaker 2: I feel that I feel like and I have to give you your flowers as well, mate, I remember your post when you eventually hooked the badge, and like the amount of love in the comments I was just scrolling vicariously through you and I think people like you are responsible for like people like me, being able to be who we could be in those places.
15:09
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
15:09
Speaker 2: Because, like you go out and you're not trying to be like big or what, but sometimes people might see a personality and be like who's this guy?
15:17
Speaker 2: But you know what I mean.
15:18
Speaker 2: Like I think the way that you, like monitor do, came into places meant that the vibe of those places allowed people to be who they were.
15:26
Speaker 2: And going through that nightlife, especially in Leeds, in that like it was such a hedonistic period and like the amount of clubs that you could roll about from, from like Warehouse to Northern Light to Glasshouse to wherever it may be, and it would just mint.
15:38
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
15:39
Speaker 2: Well, mint, wee.
15:39
Speaker 2: So like I respect you for that and I just think again, me and my boy, matt Kearns, aka Matt Landish, remember, took us like six weeks to get into Stinkies, mate, like just getting knocked back and knocked back doing an all way through her from Speed Queen Arch 54, glasshouse, bounce from there at nine, go to the front door and they were like nah, nah, nah.
16:01
Speaker 2: And then like after six weeks, so like we're almost, like yeah, they're real.
16:05
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
16:06
Speaker 2: They're about, yeah, and then got through that door and I remember me and kerns got in and just like I don't know, just had this like team talk, that's like, because you had that tunnel.
16:13
Speaker 2: It felt like like walking in a wembley or something, like we've met it, we've met it.
16:18
Speaker 2: And you had that ring door like on a cruise ship or something you could look through and just peer in through line and like you ready, like yeah, it's like whatever happens, mate, let's just be our sends.
16:27
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
16:28
Speaker 2: There's all these different Barnsley boys, dewsbury boys, huddersfield lot are here.
16:33
Speaker 2: Oh, they're like mate, let's just be our sends.
16:35
Speaker 2: And I didn't know like shout on them because they were myending.
16:43
Speaker 2: You know what.
16:44
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, some good vibes, good times.
16:45
Speaker 1: I'm not sure whether still you'll ever repeat them days or would ever get on the back industry after COVID and that.
17:00
Speaker 2: I always consider that, though, like I consider it being, is it are we over our era?
17:03
Speaker 2: Do you know?
17:03
Speaker 2: Like, when you see human trafficking, it's a changing time as well.
17:06
Speaker 2: I know social media was about, but it wasn't as apparent, so phones weren't ruining dance floors and people were actually chatting.
17:12
Speaker 2: And, as I say, like if I don't care who anyone Warren Stink is like, you had the noise people or whoever in there, right Once you were in that door, you were a family.
17:22
Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm saying?
17:23
Speaker 2: And I think there were a lot of places like that that were responsible for that, a lot of venues like Speed Queen you know what I'm saying?
17:28
Speaker 2: Glass House, and you become regulars and you recognise faces, and then you'd see each other at different places and still let on to people now.
17:35
Speaker 2: So I think that's what was special about it there were scenes, there were different places, you could dot about, dot a bat, yeah.
17:41
Speaker 1: So, like I say, you were clubbing and stuff when I met you and then next thing I heard you were going on tour doing a comedy show.
17:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, mate, well, can we get into, can we get into that and your your sort of?
17:52
Speaker 1: Trajectory yeah, the way you presented that, because this is where we start getting into the mental health side of it, 100% if anyone's thinking it was just a slapping each other up that.
18:01
Speaker 1: So there is a purpose to this.
18:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why you're here that bit of chat there.
18:07
Speaker 2: That was like the back of the DVD case.
18:09
Speaker 2: Now we're getting stuck into a director's cut.
18:11
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
18:11
Speaker 2: Now we're getting to that of it.
18:14
Speaker 2: No, comedy is the same.
18:15
Speaker 2: I'm like when I was holiday repping, we'd always pull up with guests to different hotels and they'd have different stand-ups on and it were like when Peter Kay's Blackpool Tower one were big, that was always on and Eddie Murphy's Raw would always be on.
18:29
Speaker 2: I just remember watching going.
18:30
Speaker 2: I reckon I can do that.
18:31
Speaker 2: You know, I just do them welcome meetings and it's making people laugh and I'm like listen to what I mean you never see.
18:37
Speaker 2: Like how do you become from that to that?
18:38
Speaker 2: There's never a path.
18:40
Speaker 2: That's what I feel, like I path, that's what I feel.
18:47
Speaker 2: Like I feel if I could go to like my younger self or like tell people of a certain age who are thinking how to do it, the listening music or whatever, like it's, you can do it by starting now.
18:52
Speaker 2: It's not like they're there because they're there.
18:54
Speaker 2: They had to start somewhere.
18:56
Speaker 2: And you know, I just never met that correlation.
18:58
Speaker 2: You kind of make your own path.
19:00
Speaker 2: You just have to start on that path.
19:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but the thing is, if it it's like I see a stand-up comedian like Peter Kay, I don't realise he's writing jokes, if that makes sense.
19:10
Speaker 2: I just see him as a finished article.
19:12
Speaker 2: That's Peter Kay, that's what he does.
19:14
Speaker 2: I didn't realise, oh, this guy, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and just different stuff like our scripts.
19:20
Speaker 2: You know watching Friends.
19:20
Speaker 2: You know watching friends.
19:21
Speaker 2: I don't think, oh well, there's a room full of writers that are writing this and these are characters.
19:25
Speaker 2: It's not until you start dissecting it down, that it that you break it down to think I could do that, to be able to do that, to achieve you know the goals and the steps.
19:34
Speaker 2: Then that comes with like a nurture of perception and suppose maturity, really my comedy.
19:39
Speaker 2: I always knew I was gonna give it a go and then I remember I did start writing.
19:44
Speaker 2: I started doing some open mics.
19:45
Speaker 2: I did it at leeds beckett.
19:46
Speaker 2: Actually leeds met let's get it proper leeds met, did it there.
19:51
Speaker 2: That was cool.
19:52
Speaker 2: And I did an open mic competition at the library and that was cool.
19:57
Speaker 2: I didn't get through, but I should have got through and I was doing like different competitions and I was just like it's a bit alienated with it.
20:02
Speaker 2: You know, I stand up for like two minutes and just it's like mate, I can't even tell you my name in two minutes.
20:09
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean.
20:09
Speaker 2: Like what am I going to do in two minutes?
20:11
Speaker 2: Ladies?
20:12
Speaker 2: I felt I could do my own night.
20:14
Speaker 2: So I did my own night and I always felt like be it.
20:17
Speaker 2: When I did my night struck uh, clubbing like.
20:20
Speaker 2: When I did like comedy night.
20:22
Speaker 2: It was always an opportunity to meet artists as well and give a um, a platform to be able to perform how much you want to perform.
20:29
Speaker 2: So I wouldn't restrict it to like a minute or two minutes.
20:32
Speaker 2: Do like 10, do 15, work on bits.
20:35
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
20:36
Speaker 2: Just have it like that and just be a bit more like freer.
20:40
Speaker 2: With the way that it was happening.
20:41
Speaker 2: I got into comedy, did a few various stuff and then I was a bit heavy on the weed, like a lot heavy on the weed.
20:47
Speaker 2: I started losing my mind and then I'll come to this bit later.
20:51
Speaker 2: But I had to take a break from comedy because when I lost my head, I was on stage and I was like I'd handle hecklers, but I was like getting paralyzed, I'm a bit too tight.
21:02
Speaker 2: I was like getting paralyzed, I'm a bit too tight.
21:04
Speaker 2: I was like I need to like be on this and I remember.
21:07
Speaker 2: That's why I always say comedy saved my life, cause I was like I actually think I could be good at comedy, but this weeds like taking the fun out of it.
21:15
Speaker 2: I'm not as clear as I could.
21:16
Speaker 2: So I had to choose weed or comedy and I chose comedy.
21:20
Speaker 2: Crazily enough, and I'm grateful I did still took three years off because at that point that was at the end of the process of coming through with stuff which I'm sure we'll touch on and then, after three years, why I took that time off is I didn't just want to tell jokes, I wanted to have like a TED talk, I wanted it to be like a self help.
21:38
Speaker 2: You know I was really big into the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and all these self help books that were helping me understand my own thoughts, and I think that comedy is the greatest vehicle to discuss the elephant in the room, the issues that people want to talk about but don't know how to engage and have either been preaching it but discussed and laughed at, so that it feels more approachable to be aware of the subject matter and be delicately about it.
22:05
Speaker 2: And, funnily enough, I think that's why after parties are amazing, because at an after party you can be mangled.
22:10
Speaker 2: You can be chatting, you can be dancing, but everything's free conversation in there.
22:15
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
22:15
Speaker 2: That somehow then ripples into the ether of everyday life and I think that's what comedy does.
22:22
Speaker 2: I think comedy is able to address certain subjects.
22:24
Speaker 2: You're able to laugh about it or look at it in a certain way and it almost strips it to then be able to like spoke about in everyday conversations.
22:34
Speaker 2: So I thought, if I can articulate the depth and the vulnerability of basically being suicidal but coming from it and regaining that strength, and the payoff was I was worried because of my head that it nearly prevented me doing comedy, but now I'm here on stage living my dream, telling you about how I overcome that by being the embodiment of it.
23:03
Speaker 2: And then, because I did that, I was like fuck, fuck it, I've got some mates in australia, I want to show them as well.
23:08
Speaker 2: See that the world tour was marketed as a world tour but it was leeds, manchester and london and I did those cities because loads of mates have drifted off to london.
23:21
Speaker 2: I've got a bit of a following in Manchester from DJing there and obviously loads, loads.
23:26
Speaker 2: And then everyone's moved Sydney or Melbourne.
23:30
Speaker 2: So I flew over there as well.
23:32
Speaker 2: And then I did Melbourne.
23:33
Speaker 2: I had to hire my own PA system and pick it up from St Kilda, which is the sketchiest place, and then went and put it up in a beer bottle bar, a shop Sorry, they have this upstairs room and I did my show there.
23:48
Speaker 2: And then I went to Sydney and sold out a place in Sydney, got over 100 people, got standing ovation and that and it's mad because I've always felt like my creativity and my art.
23:59
Speaker 2: I always felt that would be my passport to travel the world, so to bring that into fruition and obviously I paid for that.
24:06
Speaker 2: But I believe I'm building the tools and the repertoire to be able to be a touring artist and paid artist.
24:15
Speaker 1: Can I just take you back if I could, and you don't have to answer this, or you can.
24:20
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of this.
24:22
Speaker 1: You basically mentioned that comedy.
24:24
Speaker 1: When I'm getting into context, really that comedy saved your life and you also mentioned you were suicidal, you know, when you took this three month.
24:33
Speaker 2: Three year.
24:33
Speaker 1: Three year, sorry, and we're talking definite planning and yeah, bro.
24:38
Speaker 1: Because we're just to be just for listeners.
24:41
Speaker 1: I think we've mentioned like statistics before, like one in five people will have suicidal thoughts, one in I think it's 14 or 15 will attempt suicide.
24:50
Speaker 1: We're touching a subject here, even speaking about it, even the name committing suicide, because it used to be a crime, yeah, I didn't know that.
25:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what it's called.
25:03
Speaker 1: It's committed suicide and now they've just changed it to suicide.
25:07
Speaker 1: So if I was to say, take in your own life, how close do you think you were?
25:11
Speaker 1: And I hope this should probably be a good point for a trigger, possible trigger point.
25:17
Speaker 2: So if anyone's listening, Well, the whole reason why I wanted to do the world tour and discuss the issues that I did is because if I found myself at a place of pretty much attempting it, then anyone could.
25:30
Speaker 2: Because there's, I think, the scary thing is when you lose control and sight of your mind and who you are.
25:36
Speaker 2: You don't recognize yourself like you look at mirror, and I remember looking at my reflection in the mirror and not recognising myself.
25:43
Speaker 2: And it's still one of the most jarring and scarring things.
25:46
Speaker 2: And I think what I try to explain to people through my music now and through my comedy is that those moments, if you can overcome them, they'll always remain with you, which is the difficult part.
26:00
Speaker 2: But you'll grow and learn to understand them and then see them as the growth as to where you are now as opposed to who you are, and align your identity with them.
26:14
Speaker 2: And I think why comedy saved my life is because I was able to write, firstly, and free my head about it.
26:20
Speaker 2: But to answer your question and how I bring it up in the stand-up is there's this term called the cosmic giggle, and a cosmic giggle is where you'll be thinking of something and then something will happen and you'll be like ah, okay, okay, like, okay.
26:36
Speaker 2: I see why you did that.
26:37
Speaker 2: A lot of it is down to weed.
26:39
Speaker 2: I was like becoming scatty, and what I don't like at the moment is people putting terms on themselves like I'm adhd or I'm like fucking, um, what's the current one?
26:52
Speaker 2: I'm on spectrum of autism, which I potentially am, but self-diagnosing.
26:56
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
26:57
Speaker 2: But I understand why people do it and I think I'm probably looking at it like that because there's probably a bit of fear and maybe afraid to have this term that's put on you.
27:09
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden you feel that because that's your definition, because you're like why Do you know what I mean?
27:15
Speaker 2: But when I was Googling around the time, it wore close to psychosis, man, because there were just voices.
27:23
Speaker 2: And what I want to say by voices is like, when you're in your own mind, it depends how you view your thoughts and if you can hear thoughts that are your mind, but you don't feel like it's your mind, it feels like it's been overrun then all of a sudden you've lost your mind and you've got no control of what's going in.
27:44
Speaker 2: And that's why I'm forever grateful to eckhart tolle for the power of now, because it it taught me the detachment of thoughts.
27:51
Speaker 2: It taught me that I'm not my thoughts and there's a break in that.
27:54
Speaker 2: And then away from that.
27:56
Speaker 2: Do you remember?
27:57
Speaker 2: Like jml, like you know, like naff adverts, like a 17 in one corkscrew by jml.
28:04
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
28:05
Speaker 2: If jml would have come up with like a device for cutting my brain open and taking my brain out to clean it, I'd have done it because I just felt I'd tarnish my brain and I was on so much overdrive and over thought, too much weed.
28:17
Speaker 2: Like, obviously weed was amazing and, like I always say, like you can be addicted to weed.
28:23
Speaker 2: For me, fortunately, if weed was a computer game, I've clocked it Right so I don't need to do it anymore.
28:30
Speaker 2: Okay, whereas before I was doing it and it had changed from like being this thing to part of my identity.
28:37
Speaker 2: Oh, brownie's always got weed.
28:39
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
28:39
Speaker 2: And I'd go, I'll have a waking bit.
28:41
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll have a joint walk into sainsbury's.
28:43
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll have one when I'm coming back.
28:44
Speaker 2: Oh, and it's just constantly in it until you're not recognizing who you are and when my thoughts were like I mean, how do you turn your brain off?
28:52
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean you can't.
28:53
Speaker 2: So I remember one february night and I was like a few things had happened where I was shitting myself like scared of just my own thoughts and won't trust in the people around me.
29:05
Speaker 2: And I still believe a small percentage of this life is the truman show because of this period.
29:11
Speaker 2: But at that period it felt like a stage tv show and like it were horrible, like it were been at the center of control of everything but not being able to control it.
29:21
Speaker 2: So say be careful what you wish for.
29:23
Speaker 2: And at that moment the power was probably too great, because I don't think I'd naturally acquired it.
29:29
Speaker 2: But I knew that I found a door to hedonism.
29:32
Speaker 2: The best way I can analyze it is found the door to hedonism, but rather than being able to just casually open it, you remember like gardens back in day and they had mids, like outside toilets, like mids I just get decayed and just like battered by wind, like that's what it felt.
29:49
Speaker 2: Like I'd done this dire of hedonism so like anything could come through, I'd not right, not that I'd not earn it, but I didn't realize what I had and it was just scary and I just felt like.
29:59
Speaker 2: I felt like people could hear my thoughts and I had no safety, no freedom, no privacy.
30:06
Speaker 2: Um, I just wanted to just stop my brain, basically.
30:10
Speaker 2: So I went on a walk, like one February or something, you know where, a cardigan road, like by the stadium, edley stadium.
30:19
Speaker 2: You got that little mini bridge.
30:20
Speaker 2: I mean, I think back now and even if I'd have jumped off that mini bridge I'd have probably just sprained an ankle.
30:26
Speaker 2: It's not even big enough.
30:27
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
30:27
Speaker 2: There's the comedy to deflect you.
30:29
Speaker 2: But no, at that time, like I just didn't know what I was going to do, I just know I was walking to there and that wasn't my destination.
30:36
Speaker 2: As I reached there, my phone rang and you've got ringing me at this, like, just so, anyway, I've answered the phone.
30:46
Speaker 2: It was this lad.
30:47
Speaker 2: I went to college.
30:47
Speaker 2: We called Simon, he's a Geordie and he goes, and I could.
30:52
Speaker 2: Even when we were like approaching it, I was like, if you see Truman Show, even now it feels a bit like.
31:02
Speaker 2: I was like, are you worried?
31:04
Speaker 2: And he never used to ring me.
31:06
Speaker 2: It wasn't like, oh, boys, what's up?
31:07
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm sound.
31:10
Speaker 2: I was like, automatically, you just go to it, don't you.
31:12
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, I'm good mate, yeah, what can I do for you?
31:14
Speaker 2: He's like, can you sort us any weed?
31:20
Speaker 2: And in that and that's what I felt the cosmic giggle was I was like, okay, you bastard, all right, you're having me here, all right.
31:26
Speaker 2: But that call snapped me out of my thought, out of my thinking, and I think that's why I always say to people speak, don't let it burrow in your mind, because when you speak in your mind you're deflecting what it actually is, and when you say it out loud, or when you hear it out loud, loud, it snaps you out of it and that's like at that point I'd lost who I was.
31:47
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
31:47
Speaker 2: You know?
31:47
Speaker 2: Weirdly, I'd like to say I stopped smoking weed then, but it took me another two years to be able to stop that, and then comedy was one of the processes behind it and another few things.
31:55
Speaker 2: But I knew that the thing about it is, I needed to know that it didn't have its hold over me.
31:59
Speaker 2: So the next day I went to some mates and they were skinning up and I gone up for him and they were passing it round and they passed it me and I went, nah, and I knew do you know what I mean?
32:09
Speaker 2: I think if I'd have evaded it for six months, I'd have probably thought I'm over it.
32:13
Speaker 2: I could probably have a talk, and that's all that kept happening.
32:15
Speaker 2: Have a talk, I'm alright, I'll get a bag.
32:17
Speaker 2: Alright, did it?
32:20
Speaker 2: And then, worse and worse.
32:22
Speaker 2: Weirdly, when I did my tour, I wanted to set the photo by that bridge and as I took it at the fridge, I get this.
32:30
Speaker 2: I hear this beep, and I look I won't say it name, but it were, uh, my old weed dealer and I was like that's the universe again, just like ah.
32:38
Speaker 2: I was like go on, man, I gear that so like that's what I try to do and putting that stand up, it's like the cosmic giggle.
32:45
Speaker 2: It's like the things that seem so abrupt and don't make sense and quite cool really are the things that if you detach yourself from and and compartmentalize them and and come out of that and earn the right, like that's why I am now we're on about like my personality before, like that's just who I was.
33:03
Speaker 2: I was blessed with this spirit and soul, but now I've earned this spirit and soul, I've earned this depth to talk to you how we're doing everything that I speak with my conviction.
33:11
Speaker 2: It's from that place and I, unfortunately, but fortunately as well it's the paradox.
33:16
Speaker 2: Every time I speak about those instances, I have to revisit those because I'm a very visual person.
33:22
Speaker 2: But in me being visual, I know that people feel the realness of where that place was and I feel like people can connect and feel that they know that it's authentic what's coming through and if they're going through it, the reward is this being able to talk about, have understanding, autonomy over it, and not let it be a grounding thing that you are going to tap out, because the reward on the other side is so worth it To know that I was there, to now be here, to now be able to discuss it.
33:51
Speaker 2: It's like there's nothing that beats that.
33:55
Speaker 1: A little side question when you got that phone call and you said, yeah, I'm good, and you weren't good, how many times do you reckon in that period that you were struggling?
34:06
Speaker 1: Did somebody ask you if you were okay and you just said yeah, I'm good, because it's something we all do.
34:11
Speaker 1: I did it for years.
34:12
Speaker 1: It's like, well, I'm not going to just say, yeah, I'm absolutely fucking, I'm breaking down, mate.
34:17
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
34:18
Speaker 2: I've probably in that situation, I've probably opened up to two people where I were at my wits end and they were both like beautiful about it and I, like we're able to stop at theirs, cause I didn't want to stop at mine.
34:31
Speaker 2: Still, like you don't know, do you?
34:34
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
34:35
Speaker 2: Like it's, I don't think it's because it's um, because I didn't trust people at that time.
34:41
Speaker 2: It was like I remember going through my phone and thinking who can I ring right now?
34:51
Speaker 2: And I think there were like three numbers in it and it were a full phone and that brought me because I was like you know what?
34:53
Speaker 2: Like what's the point, like do you know what I mean?
34:54
Speaker 2: And that were another thing.
34:55
Speaker 2: So I think automatically it would just uh, it wasn't even a like a clever, like brace yourself, did it?
35:01
Speaker 2: Saw my phone ring, it snapped me out and because he was like are you alright?
35:04
Speaker 2: I went yeah, yeah, yeah, as I was just autopiloting that it wasn't even a thing.
35:08
Speaker 2: So I can't answer that, because I think when you're in it and you're blinkered, you don't see it.
35:13
Speaker 2: And this is the other thing.
35:15
Speaker 2: Like I understand when people share stuff.
35:17
Speaker 2: I think the first time we openly talked about my issues was like there was a Facebook thing going around where it was like lads were sharing the face, a photo of the face and nominating someone.
35:30
Speaker 2: It was like share a photo of yourself and nominate a mate to let you know that we're against suicide or something like that.
35:37
Speaker 2: And I was like I don't get how this is a thing.
35:39
Speaker 2: And I went a bit back and forth with some mates and said, look, I don't see how that helps.
35:44
Speaker 2: And that's the first time I felt comfortable and confident, maybe because again, I was writing it.
35:51
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
35:51
Speaker 2: And I was able to take time over it and you know I love the way that I write.
35:56
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
35:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, my soul's in what I write.
35:58
Speaker 2: And that was the first time I was able to write it, read it back and it felt like it was an extension, like it was still part of me, but it wasn't on me, it was like there.
36:08
Speaker 2: And then that was the first time I was able to be like yeah, right, I think I can like start to put this into some form.
36:16
Speaker 2: That's going to help other people.
36:19
Speaker 1: So if I was to ask you, how do you think?
36:21
Speaker 1: Well, you said you got a standing ovation in Sydney.
36:25
Speaker 1: I did, mate.
36:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I take it the audiences are receiving this humour about a subject that is or has been up until.
36:33
Speaker 1: People like myself and Seb are talking about it all the time.
36:36
Speaker 1: This taboo mental health and ending mental health stigma.
36:39
Speaker 1: And you're talking about it.
36:41
Speaker 1: Someone's gone for a night out to enjoy themselves and laugh.
36:44
Speaker 1: How is that received so at?
36:47
Speaker 2: at the start I broached that subject.
36:48
Speaker 2: I um, that's what I mean.
36:50
Speaker 2: I really think I'm a skilled performer at it.
36:53
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
36:53
Speaker 2: I think, like I can put people at ease.
36:55
Speaker 2: I, I again, it's the art of comedy.
36:58
Speaker 2: It, you know, the art of comedy is, um, it's looking at one way and delivering something else.
37:04
Speaker 2: So the flow can be super deep and people locked into the chat, and then I'll just do some say something, that to see if they're listening.
37:13
Speaker 2: At the end of that and after the fall of the trail, they'll know what I've said and they'll be like what, and then that brings the comedy back and then the comedy comes.
37:20
Speaker 2: So it's really how it's like, stitched together.
37:22
Speaker 2: But you know, I've had people cry at the end and open up.
37:26
Speaker 2: I've had people reach out to me and say thank you so much.
37:28
Speaker 2: I think that that's what comedy is there for.
37:31
Speaker 2: I I started by saying I.
37:34
Speaker 2: I always encourage anyone to do stand-up comedy.
37:36
Speaker 2: Just get on an open mic, because there's something so freeing and being on stage and something can fight when you can speak about these sort of issues and have a room full of people, laugh at the things that you want them to laugh at if you're set up to be that vulnerable.
37:50
Speaker 2: That's what it's about really.
37:52
Speaker 2: I think it's owning, it's having that ownership over it.
37:55
Speaker 2: No, not laughing at the situation, what happened, but laughing at the situation that created that, and I mean that is funny.
38:03
Speaker 2: It's weed that sent me close to the edge and then someone's rang me for weed.
38:08
Speaker 2: Like I think that's ironic as fuck.
38:10
Speaker 2: Like so you know, building up to that, I think it's good.
38:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just think it's the performance side.
38:16
Speaker 2: Really, if people want to watch it, it's on YouTube.
38:17
Speaker 2: It's called Original Random Material.
38:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, it goes into it.
38:23
Speaker 1: Is it a northern like dark comedy that we have?
38:25
Speaker 1: Because I remember telling someone once and it's when you were on about the psychosis and I think I'd had too much whiskey and I was having a bad time anyway.
38:32
Speaker 1: And I remember thinking in fact it was Jordan COVID when I'd lost my business and all my money, I'd got basically living on fucking handouts, couldn't go out of the house, which obviously sends me around the twist anyway.
38:42
Speaker 1: Obviously that sends me around the twist anyway.
38:43
Speaker 1: And I remember drinking too much and I could hear me climbing ropes talking to me.
38:48
Speaker 1: I'm serious, my climbing ropes were talking to me and they're saying just do it, just do it.
38:54
Speaker 1: You've got all these climbing ropes right.
38:56
Speaker 1: And I think the strength of what I'd done gone through 20-odd years before I said I'm having a quick beer and I'm off to bed, yeah, and that's what I did and I'll think about it in the morning.
39:06
Speaker 1: And then when I got up in the morning, I was thinking A bit more rational.
39:09
Speaker 1: Well, no, I was thinking 200 quid climbing rope, I'm not going to waste the climbing.
39:15
Speaker 1: But you think, you know, on the sort of sick humour side.
39:17
Speaker 1: Well, it wouldn't matter if it was a 200 quid climbing rope anyway, because I wouldn't have been here.
39:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.
39:23
Speaker 1: So I can totally see what you're thinking about when you're saying you know bringing comedy out of a situation like that.
39:28
Speaker 1: I think you've got to.
39:30
Speaker 2: I think, like COVID was such a mad one as well, and I think, like again, it's different scenarios, like different trigger points.
39:37
Speaker 2: I find it's like what triggers me?
39:39
Speaker 2: And then it's like I go inside and go, or why is that triggering me?
39:42
Speaker 2: Like people invading my personal space is a big one for me, and unsolicited, like touches, do you call it, and then they're like, oh, you're making a big thing.
39:50
Speaker 2: It's like, mate, just like, allow my space.
39:52
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
39:53
Speaker 2: But then, oh yeah, so anyway, a lot of like social skill understanding, but also having the detachment of being able to speak up, because I think when you submerge your voice then you can be took advantage of.
40:10
Speaker 2: I'm not on about anything too peak for me personally, but I can see the formula of how that can be if you don't speak up.
40:15
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
40:16
Speaker 2: But I felt covid was a mad one.
40:18
Speaker 2: Covid was probably the last time where I were like you, mate.
40:23
Speaker 2: I was like the world's shutting down.
40:25
Speaker 2: I just got myself established, getting myself a regular wage, like you know.
40:29
Speaker 2: Everything was like felt like, it was like taking shape nicely and just a little bit like the rug pulled, and that was probably the last time when, remember I I wrote out this um long text to one of my schoolmates, old schoolmates, chat nicola fettison, and, um, she didn't know this actually, but honestly, my head was just all over the place and I was just in one of them.
40:50
Speaker 2: I was in my bedroom.
40:52
Speaker 2: I was just like whatever.
40:54
Speaker 2: So we went to send the phone, died.
40:56
Speaker 2: I was like for fuck, this is taking piss, literally.
40:59
Speaker 2: I just started having this train.
41:01
Speaker 2: I was just like you know what, go to sleep.
41:03
Speaker 2: Just, I've had, I've had that much of having enough.
41:05
Speaker 2: I just want to go to sleep now.
41:07
Speaker 2: And I woke up I was like all right, and I don't know, I don't know if this is a norm and things just the grit of like no, you're not having me again, no more, like I'll fucking, I'll show life now.
41:16
Speaker 2: Do you know?
41:16
Speaker 2: I mean, it's like all right, well, we've got through everything.
41:19
Speaker 2: Now this is another test or another opportunity.
41:21
Speaker 2: Thank you very much.
41:22
Speaker 2: I I'll show you, because I know the reward will be at the end of it and the reward is there.
41:26
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
41:27
Speaker 1: I mean just on a note, I just thought then about that stat from Papyrus, and it's suicide's the biggest killer of, or people taking their own life is the biggest killer of under 35s in this country.
41:38
Speaker 1: So it's, you know, we're talking about a subject and we're talking about comedy with it and your creativity of how you've got through it, but it's not uncommon, is it?
41:46
Speaker 1: This is the thing.
41:46
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
41:48
Speaker 1: But from COVID it bloody accelerated everything.
41:50
Speaker 1: But this is what.
41:52
Speaker 2: I think because as a thinker I do I'm like when people are at that place so say your example that you were on about with ropes there and stuff like that it's like it doesn't mean you're suicidal, it means that there's other things that are making you think that you're suicidal in that moment.
42:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you just act on that impulse, then you've committed it.
42:13
Speaker 2: And I think this is what I try to engage in my comedy and the music and everything like.
42:17
Speaker 2: It's like I know you're in a place, but that is not, you don't act on that moment.
42:22
Speaker 2: If I wouldn't say it by that phone call, who knows.
42:24
Speaker 2: But that was a real understanding at that time to be like, don't act on this moment, like, and then you start rebuilding yourself and one of the first things that came back to me was my rationale.
42:34
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
42:35
Speaker 2: It's like okay, I do use my imagination a lot, so I understand now that maybe what I'm thinking, I understand how it's been implemented by society.
42:45
Speaker 2: So like if I watch the tv show or an advert or something like that, and then all of a sudden it's in my mind I'm like, why am I thinking of that?
42:52
Speaker 2: And I can retrace to.
42:53
Speaker 2: Oh, I fought it because of that, which is mad, because when I was on the weed, my short-term memory were pathetic and that's one of the things that I've strengthened back, so I know that that's my skill.
43:01
Speaker 2: So now I've got my skill from being rational.
43:04
Speaker 2: That's because I've not smoked, mary, that's a reward.
43:07
Speaker 2: And then you're like, okay, well, these things are keeping happening and it could be a different word, and it's almost like a conveyor belt.
43:14
Speaker 2: So you see the conveyor belt spinning.
43:16
Speaker 2: It's like the words are interchangeable but the action isn't.
43:19
Speaker 2: So what if I can watch the conveyor belt rather than the words?
43:23
Speaker 2: Then you start being detached from the word and you're seeing a conveyor belt and it's like all right, well, I noticed that this conveyor belt picks up speed.
43:31
Speaker 2: When I haven't had fresh air, I haven't eaten, I haven't had any water, all right, my rationale will be no words.
43:36
Speaker 2: Now, it's not the conveyor belt.
43:38
Speaker 2: Have I drank?
43:39
Speaker 2: I'll have some water, get hydrated, have I been outside?
43:43
Speaker 2: And then you know, there's like a checklist before I even start.
43:46
Speaker 2: But these are all skills that you learn and you start implementing to put like a more of a resilience to it.
43:56
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
43:56
Speaker 2: And this is what I mean.
43:57
Speaker 2: When you start earning yourself back, earning yourself respect, earning your power, like your authority, autonomy over yourself, like, and then you're not being tricked by your mind, and then you can actually start to operate your mind, then you can have some mushrooms and then actually go in and properly like hoover up my mind, explore yourself no, I mean like I I see my mind now in my imagination like sometimes like a goldfish bowl and I'm like, you know, like when you have like a fish tank and like you haven't cleaned it for a few days and it gets a bit murky, when I'm thinking like madness, I'm like have I done those three things?
44:29
Speaker 2: And I'm like, all right, let's just clean my mind, have a bit of a meditate or just contemplate, or just right, clean and like cleansed, calm, all right, go back, clear perspective.
44:39
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
44:39
Speaker 2: And I'm grateful that I've got that imagination that allows me to do that.
44:42
Speaker 2: Back to the creativity, back to the comedy, back to anything like that that helps me.
44:47
Speaker 2: So I feel like it's my sanctuary.
44:50
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
44:50
Speaker 2: That's why it's so special to me.
44:52
Speaker 1: Have you come to this all by yourself, or did you ever get any help by anyone or did you talk to people?
44:58
Speaker 2: go on sessions.
44:58
Speaker 2: I've been on plenty of sessions.
45:02
Speaker 1: Good question.
45:03
Speaker 1: I've been on plenty of sessions?
45:04
Speaker 2: good question.
45:05
Speaker 2: I think at the start there was a lot of YouTubing.
45:10
Speaker 2: There was a lot of people that I looked up to at that time.
45:13
Speaker 2: You know, in this period, not only had I felt I'd lost myself, but I felt I'd lost my identity, and at that time, what I thought my identity was the things that I wanted to achieve, whereas now my identity is my soul do you know what I mean?
45:24
Speaker 2: And I'm just in this human form.
45:26
Speaker 2: But at that time I wanted to discover a lot more about my spirituality.
45:30
Speaker 2: But I also was looking at people like Conor McGregor on his rise, and there were loads of other people who were coming up doing different things, and I was like wow, you've said it and you've wished it into existence, like that's manifestation.
45:45
Speaker 2: You've stuck to your word like and I.
45:46
Speaker 2: I took a lot from those people and put in what would be classed as delusional thoughts out there, but believing in their ability that no one else had.
45:55
Speaker 2: And I believe in my ability to be a superstar, but my view of me being a superstar is not fame, it's been a star that shines the brightest so that other people can be illuminated as well.
46:05
Speaker 2: And then, because of that, I started getting into my spirituality and there's a place up on Otley Road called Brahma Kamaris, which is spiritual center, which teaches you how to meditate, but they don't try like pin you in like Scientology or all that.
46:21
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
46:21
Speaker 2: Like they teach that the virtues and how to meditate and slow your mind, and that was like that was unbelievable for me really, if I'm being honest and then obviously taking in those practices, implementing them in every day, because I think a lot of people think meditation is um, sitting in a dark room closing your eyes, but a lot of it is being in everyday social situations, things happening and not reacting but responding or viewing how you respond to then know how to be your best version of yourself in everyday situation encounters.
46:53
Speaker 2: And that's what really helped me rediscover who I wanted to be, build with, building myself up.
46:58
Speaker 2: So I think when you've been at rock bottom, the beauty of rock bottom is that that's the strongest place that you can build yourself up.
47:06
Speaker 2: And there's one more thing I'd like to shout out is a lady called Tanya.
47:11
Speaker 2: I'd get this cranial therapy from her.
47:13
Speaker 2: Still get it now not as often as I'd like really.
47:16
Speaker 2: There was one time when I started presenting for Made in Leeds.
47:19
Speaker 2: And do you know what?
47:21
Speaker 2: Actually, let me put a pin in that this is Leeds.
47:24
Speaker 2: And, um, do you know actually, let me put a pin in that this is how mad.
47:26
Speaker 2: Again back to universe.
47:27
Speaker 2: So, maiden Leeds, I was like getting approached to do that job.
47:29
Speaker 2: I try to approach them just getting dipped.
47:31
Speaker 2: And then I was DJing at Morning Gloryville, like this morning event Belgrave, where there's no tackler, or like a morning rave.
47:38
Speaker 2: It was really good vibes.
47:40
Speaker 2: And then, um, a lady, fran, it's her birthday today.
47:43
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, fran.
47:43
Speaker 2: Uh, she clocked me, put me forward to like made in leeds and then she was messaging me but I was so like skin and that my phone was off so I was like only able to do it on wi-fi and this and that I'm going over to manchester to see taming parlor and falls.
47:57
Speaker 2: I'm getting this message back and forth and anyway, like long story short, I were able to get the meeting for made in leeds and getting made in leeds helped like me feel like I'd achieved that identity, if that makes sense of like wow, I, I believe that I could do this and I'm doing it and, like you know, look, mom, like I won't tell you, do you know what I mean?
48:21
Speaker 2: And that was a real good like first thing, that made me feel like fucking hell.
48:25
Speaker 2: Like you, you know from where you are to be here, like I know, it ain't the be all and end all.
48:31
Speaker 2: You should be proud of this and there's more to come.
48:33
Speaker 2: So that was a super powerful.
48:35
Speaker 2: But one of the shoots that I was on was, uh, this there was this wellness retreat that was happening at the corn exchange in jan.
48:42
Speaker 2: I think it was around like a day called is it Blue Monday?
48:45
Speaker 2: Or like the most depressing day of the year or something like that.
48:51
Speaker 2: So they were doing different things like meditation, yoga, and one of the things was cranial therapy and we were just like shooting.
48:59
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
49:00
Speaker 2: Like filming down there.
49:01
Speaker 2: So I was like, all right, I'll go down.
49:02
Speaker 2: And then I saw this lady and I had this cranial therapy and it's like Reiki, but like more intense and extreme, and I'd had a lot of Reiki done and Reiki was amazing, a lot of visual experiences, but I don't think it was like moving me in a way that I felt like the math of what this cranial therapy had done.
49:21
Speaker 2: But anyway, I was having this cranial therapy.
49:23
Speaker 2: She's like doing what she's doing.
49:25
Speaker 2: And then in my mind I'm imagining and I've seen something run past me and one of the things like when I was on weed I was scared to go inside my mind because I was like, nah, man, like Chester Bennington from Linkin Park nailed it.
49:37
Speaker 2: It was like he didn't like being trapped in his own mind because there's some bad neighbourhoods in there that he don't want to get caught behind.
49:43
Speaker 2: And obviously, without going down conspiracy theories, when you see how he ended his days, bless his soul like and such a beautiful soul as well, like.
49:53
Speaker 2: So when I saw this thing go past, I was like, oh, fucking hell.
49:55
Speaker 2: Like I thought I've had all, like you know, got my life back on track, got this like.
50:02
Speaker 2: I really buzzed, like it's in the field that I'm loving like.
50:05
Speaker 2: And now this has come up I'm like, is it gonna go to shit again?
50:08
Speaker 2: And it was just this.
50:10
Speaker 2: I think this time of self-love and resilience had built up and went.
50:14
Speaker 2: It's your mind, go track down what it is.
50:17
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, calm.
50:18
Speaker 2: So I was walking around in my mind and I saw it and then I looked and it was like my inner child.
50:24
Speaker 2: It felt, like all I can describe it as was like the energy and like, not a vision, but like just the energy of what I would imagine me to be, like my inner child, and it was shaking.
50:35
Speaker 2: I just remember hugging it and this outpouring of love and connection.
50:38
Speaker 2: It was almost like I rediscovered my inner child, which had obviously just been getting battered and terrified by all the other thoughts.
50:45
Speaker 2: So that was super important for me.
50:47
Speaker 2: So I'd say there was a lot of people who were on their thing.
50:51
Speaker 2: There was myself in my own resilience as well, and there was my grounding in my spirituality that helped bring a lot of my resilience around that time.
51:01
Speaker 2: Bloody hell.
51:03
Speaker 1: Quite a lot there, mate, quite a lot.
51:04
Speaker 1: So you're now music-wise.
51:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's move on to that Silver Tongue.
51:10
Speaker 2: Rascals, yep, it's tattooed on my arm.
51:12
Speaker 2: That means it's real.
51:13
Speaker 1: Yeah Well, I've been listening to it, mate, and it is real, thank you.
51:16
Speaker 1: And the reason that we sort of got together and hooked up is about a forthcoming ep which is going to talk about your well sing, about your experiences yeah, I use the term sing loosely.
51:27
Speaker 2: I hold the tone.
51:28
Speaker 2: I hold the tone, yeah but we're a mix between lcd sound system, the streets and outcast and we say we're social commentators with dancefloor detonators and, um, we've just got some bangers.
51:39
Speaker 2: Like you know, I described my comedy influences before from getting home watching mtv shows.
51:43
Speaker 2: But this is like when you get home and you'd watch, like mtv2, mtv, base channel, uq and all the different genres merged into one.
51:51
Speaker 2: And the ep that's upcoming is um called once upon my mind because I wrote this song called darkness spies through balaclava eyes, which can we just have a moment for that song title that's darkness spies through balaclava eyes, like that is the right title.
52:07
Speaker 2: That in it like shout out my boy, james brander, because we're working on that one today, finishing it up, I'd wrote that track and I wrote it because again, to be a bit cathartic and the skill of writing, I think, like when you do stand-up comedy, you can write material and you can sort of like um ad lib and be in the moment.
52:27
Speaker 2: So you're not sticking to a script but with a song you're writing refined lyrics and I think there's more power not more power, I don't want to say that, but there's a different skill of power in expressing the same experience, what I can do in an hour comedy show in a track.
52:46
Speaker 2: So what I did is I wrote that one, which is going to be out.
52:50
Speaker 2: The ep should be out end of september, start of october.
52:53
Speaker 2: We're going to be touring it, uh, in november.
52:56
Speaker 2: But yeah, because I wrote that track.
52:58
Speaker 2: And what I love about this track is like it talks about the state of somberness that you feel and like the, the lethargic association with society and just just being despondent with life.
53:13
Speaker 2: And then it shows the flicker of light that you snap yourself out of it, you're buzzed, but then it brings you back to like, almost like a cautionary tale, like, and so I was like all right, I want to write, um, an ep around that, so I want to show the journey of it.
53:28
Speaker 2: So the first track is called broken butterflies and that's written about, um, homelessness.
53:34
Speaker 2: Because, again, going back to one of the things I sort of uh, stepped to earlier is like when people who are perceived by society to be comfortable take their own lives.
53:43
Speaker 2: If people are on the streets who seem to have nothing and have the most hardship, what is it that gives them the strength to continue?
53:50
Speaker 2: So I wanted to sort of look at it from that angle, then go into Broken Butterfly, then go into Darkness Spies and then do a song that's almost like a lo-fi hip-hop spoken word mantra that people can meditate to, with just loads of positive affirmations.
54:06
Speaker 2: And then there's a real upbeat song which is like conquering the darkness spies, which is second to none, which is just upbeat.
54:13
Speaker 2: And then there's a cheeky bonus on there which I just want to say is a mint track as well.
54:19
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I just think there's power in the music that we're writing.
54:22
Speaker 2: There's power in getting everybody to the gigs.
54:25
Speaker 2: I want these gigs to be as uplifting.
54:26
Speaker 2: I want people to walk away, feel this energy, feel like they can conquer anything.
54:30
Speaker 2: That's any live show that I do, from DJing or comedy to my band.
54:35
Speaker 2: I just want people to feel like they can conquer life.
54:39
Speaker 2: So where's the tour starting?
54:40
Speaker 2: The tour is going to be starting in London, mate.
54:43
Speaker 2: We're going to be playing at the Victoria.
54:45
Speaker 2: All details will be released next week, I reckon Next week.
54:48
Speaker 2: So sorry, this is time adjacent, people don't know when next week is.
54:53
Speaker 2: All dates will be released the end of August and you can follow us on at Silvertongue Rascals on Instagram and YouTube and be kept up to date.
55:03
Speaker 2: But yeah, we'll be doing Leeds, manchester, london, liverpool, potentially Dublin, potentially Bristol.
55:13
Speaker 2: We've got a gig at the Golden Lion in Todmorden, which we're excited about, supporting Darren Emerson from Underworld.
55:20
Speaker 2: All right, and yeah, we're just on it, mate.
55:22
Speaker 2: We've been accepted by launch pad to be one of their supported artists.
55:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, like we are sick, like people who've seen us want to create that proper cult following and just like be a proper band of people.
55:33
Speaker 2: Talk about proper stuff.
55:35
Speaker 2: Our debut song asking for what song about men calling men out for misogynistic behavior?
55:39
Speaker 2: Because I feel like it should be men calling men out rather than it being lamented as an issue for women to tackle alone.
55:47
Speaker 2: I just think it's crazy and I think that comes from being raised by a strong, single mum.
55:51
Speaker 2: Seeing that side of it, do you know what I mean?
55:53
Speaker 2: So I always want to speak for the voice of oppressed really.
55:57
Speaker 2: Can we ask you to give maybe somebody of, maybe some advice you'd give others if they got into that sort of situation, that mindset that nearly took you too far trust yourself, don't believe yourself, and learn to believe the part of yourself that you want to love, because if you believe what your mind's telling you at that time you know that's not true and there's value to it.
56:22
Speaker 2: And that's why I say trust yourself, not like trust the voice that's happening.
56:26
Speaker 2: I know it's hard to reach out to people and the truth is, I think, me personally, the greatest thing that I did was attempt to tackle it myself, because I feel like if you're leaning on a lot of people, it feels like you're becoming a bit of like to yourself what it would to me or did to me in certain instances.
56:45
Speaker 2: You're becoming a bit of like not a leech Burden yeah, thank you.
56:49
Speaker 2: You're becoming a burden on people and like obviously you're not, but people have got their lives.
56:54
Speaker 2: But the truth is, the only person that is ever really going can fight for you is you.
57:01
Speaker 2: So you've got to prove to yourself that you are worth it, and what I say is that you are worth it because you're here, like we're literally traveling around the sun at 56,000 miles an hour right now and you're here.
57:11
Speaker 2: Man shot at someone's fucking dick and it was an egg, like born after nine months.
57:16
Speaker 2: So I experienced this like cosmic, universal journey and I think like life stresses can wrap you up in what much of a situations life can be, but there is beauty in life and you're here to experience it and I just think, like, as much as people think that's really epified or anything like that, honestly, every day that you're here, take it as a blessing.
57:38
Speaker 2: Earn yourself back.
57:40
Speaker 2: You have the right.
57:41
Speaker 2: Don't let anyone put you down.
57:42
Speaker 2: You have the right to earn who you are, so no one can put you down, man.
57:47
Speaker 2: That's the truth.
57:48
Speaker 2: It's like earn yourself.
57:49
Speaker 2: Earn the right to earn yourself.
57:51
Speaker 1: That's almost like find your way back to you, isn't it?
57:53
Speaker 1: It is, which is our tagline.
57:55
Speaker 1: Hey, we haven't even had a chance to talk about IB and stuff like that, but we will catch up with you.
58:01
Speaker 1: But do you know what has sort of occurred to me?
58:04
Speaker 1: There is a theme in the set with getting people in and this thing about escaping your own mind and much the same.
58:10
Speaker 1: With me with my ropes, talking to me, you know what I mean.
58:13
Speaker 1: It's having that disassociation from them, bad thoughts, and Roy that was in a couple of weeks ago, roy Morris, he's like the mind is a parasite and these thoughts pop into your mind.
58:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, the devil, these thoughts pop into your mind.
58:26
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you have to jump on them.
58:27
Speaker 2: But if you see it, that you're not your thoughts and what I thought there when you said, escape is escape or face, and the best thing I did was face my mind.
58:35
Speaker 2: So when I went in my mind and I saw these thoughts, I realised that when I tracked these thoughts down, this was down at mushrooms as well, but like I saw that you know, like water and oil, the thoughts was sat on top, so they weren't a part of me.
58:53
Speaker 2: So I could literally see that these thoughts they're there but they're not of me.
58:55
Speaker 2: So I think, like I can see why, I can see a lot of why society is how it is, why people thinking how they think it is by how things are planted for people to think of how it is.
59:03
Speaker 2: And I think if people understand that they're not their thoughts and can unravel themselves from their thoughts, I think that the working class will rise up, we'll smash the patriarchy bring the system down.
59:14
Speaker 2: We all live happily ever after how about that for Truman Shaw?
59:18
Speaker 1: Well, I think we should wrap up there, don't you Seb?
59:20
Speaker 1: Power to the people, Yorkshire.
59:24
Speaker 1: Yes, definitely, Brilliant Ben.
59:25
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming in, mate.
59:27
Speaker 1: Thank you for getting in touch, although you know we haven't seen each other as much as we used to, because I'm basically in Wakey, I don't get out as much.
59:34
Speaker 2: Ricky Burwell is Wakey.
59:35
Speaker 2: Yeah well, give me a shout and we'll have a'll catch up with the ibe stuff.
59:46
Speaker 2: So, yeah, thanks again.
59:47
Speaker 2: Brilliant now, honestly, thank yous, man.
59:48
Speaker 2: Like I've listened to uh so much shows before and like it's it's here, there's top people and I'd actually like to finish on this the, the, what it shows by the range of guests that you get.
59:56
Speaker 2: I think some people now think that like uh, mental health, sort of like uh, like a tag that can just get used like flippantly or anything like that.
1:00:04
Speaker 2: But I think what you show your guests and what it shows in life is it affects everybody and I think the more that we can see that it affects everybody shows that we're not alone in it because it affects everybody.
1:00:15
Speaker 2: So we can all come together and talk about it in our own way and our own experiences.
1:00:20
Speaker 2: And once we learn to conquer that vulnerability in talking about our own experiences, I think we'll have nothing to that vulnerability in talking about our own experiences.
1:00:24
Speaker 2: I think we'll have nothing to fear and heal that mental health.
1:00:27
Speaker 1: Thank you.
1:00:27
Speaker 1: Ricky said I won't get the last word, so on that note Are we done, seb?
1:00:36
Speaker 1: Thanks again, ben.
1:00:37
Speaker 1: Thanks, ben.
1:00:38
Speaker 1: Take care, mate.
1:00:39
Speaker 1: Thank you, and if you'd like to support us and help us keep the podcast going, then you can go to Buys a Coffee, or you can click that on our website, whitefoxstalkingcom, and look for the little cup.
1:00:52
Speaker 1: Thank you,