Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 48. Beauty From Ashes Story: Hadley Eddings' Journey of Loss, Restoration, and Faith in the Face of Tragedy

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48. Beauty From Ashes Story: Hadley Eddings' Journey of Loss, Restoration, and Faith in the Face of Tragedy · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another episode here on A Heart that Beats for Home, excited to have you with us in January of our second season officially season two here on the podcast.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I think it is just so important for us as moms, as believers, as humans, to really talk about not just the highs and the mountaintops, but also really dig into how we get to show up in the deepest, darkest valleys and just working through hardship and healing and trusting God, even when maybe we don't, in the moment, trust His plan, and I think we can always trust the heart of God even when we can't trust what we're seeing right in front of us.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And so, as I was praying through who to have on these shows my friend here that you're going to hear from today, hadley, is one that came to mind, and I have never met Hadley in person.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: We have only communicated over the internet.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: We have some overlap through some stories and some just involvement with different organizations, and I am just so humbled to have her here with us on the podcast.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Her story is one that will be hard to hear.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Parts of it, I'm going to just tell you that, as a mama, it's going to be one that's going to have some parts that are really hard to hear.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Parts of it, I'm going to just tell you that, as a mama, it's going to be one that's going to have some parts that are really hard to hear, but her story and her faith are amazing and they're something that I think we all can learn from.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: And so I am just going to jump right in here with Hadley.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Hadley, if you would be willing just to tell us a little bit about who you are your family where you live, and then we're going to just get into the depths of your story.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: My name is Hadley Eddings and I am married to my husband, gentry, and we have four boys, two who live in heaven, and then we have twin seven-year-old boys who are here with us every day.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: And we live in South Carolina, really close to Charlotte, north Carolina, if that gives you an idea of about where in the state we live.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: My husband is a pastor.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: We are currently in the process of planting a church.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: We are about a year in and so we're on this amazing, joyful wild ride right now and it's been so much fun.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: And I'm a stay-at-home mom.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I have a small jewelry business so I get to dabble and create some of that kind of thing, but yeah, I'm just taking care of the kids in the house and supporting my husband while we plant this church.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Amazing Stay-at-home mom right which is like AKA 72 full-time positions, yeah it never ends, Never ends.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Well, you gave us a little bit of a glimpse in your intro into clearly what anybody would know is going to be some of the things that we talk today about hardship.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: And if you would be willing, with our listeners, just to take us back it's been, I think, believe nine years, almost 10 years to the kind of where you were at in life.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: You know the stage that you were at and then how, literally in a moment, everything changed for your family.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so in 2015, gentry and I I guess we'd been married for six years and we had a little boy named Dobbs, and he was two, and I was eight months pregnant with our second son, reed, and we had gone out of town and we were heading home and we were caravanning with our family and we were in a terrible car accident.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: We were hit my husband's car was hit first, my car was hit next and then so on but that car accident instantly took the life of our two-year-old son Dobbs and, consequently, after that, I had an emergency C-section and my son Reed was born, and two days later he passed away as well, and that was 2015.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: That was on our sixth wedding anniversary, so makes that day just the height of joy and the depth of sorrow at the same time.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: But yeah, that's the very short version of that season of life.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I was seeing yesterday as I was looking through some of your Facebook things, just that in one day, how you literally hold all of the year after year now, all of the emotions of anniversary, losing a child, bringing a child into the world, because that was a whole part of that process, of that process.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Can you talk to us?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: First of all, I just have to say, as a mom to a mom, I can't even imagine that grief and how you even talk about it now, even 10 years later.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I was telling Hadley, I really debated even putting on makeup this morning, because I am not good at managing my emotions when it comes to this kind of stuff and I think, as moms, I feel like I'm pretty good at saying to the Lord on a regular basis whatever I have, it's all yours asterisk, except for my children, that one's hands off.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Talk to me, hadley, if you will just about I know a little bit more details about, immediately after you guys are all sent to different hospitals, gentry, what that looks like for him.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: What did immediately after the accident and the next couple of days look like for you guys?
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, to go back to the accident, I just want to insert this because it's just such a cool story of God's faithfulness for me personally, as we were.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: Before my car was hit, I was sitting at the stoplight and I felt like this really strong nudging from the Holy Spirit to tell Dobbs that you love him, and I remember thinking that it was like, okay, I felt like that feels so strongly to say that that I don't know why, because it's such a simple thing.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: And so I turned around and rubbed his little foot and I said I love you, buddy.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: And then, within the next thing, I knew my car was spinning and we had been hit, and that was the last thing that I got to say to my son.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: And so I'm so grateful that the Lord put that on my heart and I'm thankful that I obeyed and that sweet gift of just being able to tell my son I loved him right before he passed away.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: We were taken, my husband he was in the car behind us, he had been hit, something in his car hit him in the head and so he had a head wound, and then I was obviously eight months pregnant and so we were rushed to the hospital.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: So we at the scene of the accident, gentry and I, weren't there for probably more than 25, 30 minutes and we were taken away very quickly.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: But another God thing about this accident is it happened at an intersection where there was a gas station and there was a fire truck getting gas, and so within seconds we had first responders to our accident, and so, you know, they were working on getting Dobbs out of the car and working on us and an ambulance came in.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, we were taken to.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Gentry and I were taken to the same hospital.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: We did eventually go to different hospitals, but I had an emergency C-section because they couldn't find a heartbeat for Reed.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: But he was born and he was living.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: But we came to find that he had been severely injured in his brain.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: He had bleeding on his brain because of the accident and then, after being taken to another hospital where they thought there was a stronger chance that they would be able to help him, found that there was no, that he wouldn't.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: He wouldn't live.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, we had been at this family wedding, we were celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary and we were, you know, excited and excited for what was to come that summer with having another son.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: And then in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's a lot to wrestle with, especially on our anniversary, just the emotion and how you want to honor it.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: All you know, we want to honor the fact that we're married and and none.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: We wouldn't even have Dobbs and Reed if this, if this relationship wasn't, wasn't a thing.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: So we, we are very careful to honor the fact that we are married and that we have made it, and but we are also very, very aware that it's a day that holds a lot of sadness and we grieve for Dobbs and Reed, and then what we do on our actual anniversary every year is we, we try to cut that off.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: We say we take the first half of the day to grieve and then we're going to celebrate because it's important, yeah, you know, and I I want to.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to on something on the story because I think it's it's important, yeah, and I want to go back too, on something on the story because I think it's a super important thing to touch on, because your life changed forever because of a poor decision by somebody else, and I think it's something that we can flippantly talk about or hear or we tell our teenage children and we maybe don't practice ourselves.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: But I believe, if I'm not mistaken, that the accident happened because somebody had been on their cell phone.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: So it's actually really interesting that we're talking about this today, because on the way to school today, my kids were asking me about him and they they said I'm not sure why you know those conversations in the car, Sometimes they're so random.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: But they asked me about the driver and I said, Daddy, and I aren't mad at him, he didn't purposely do this, but he made a poor decision to use drugs and not sleep the night before and then use his phone in his car and unfortunately, that poor decision led to some really hard things.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: And and we talked about how could you imagine if, if you made a poor decision and it led to something so terrible, how you would feel?
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And they were just asking me questions about him he, he did.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: He did end up serving some time in prison for for it.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Um, but what we know we don't keep in touch with him, but what we have heard over the years is that he did come to know.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: The Lord has turned his life around, so we're grateful for that.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: But, yes, poor decisions on his part that caused it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so how did you again?
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I knew that we would start talking and this would just kind of zigzag all over, but how did you again?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: It's almost incomprehensible for me, even as a believer, to be able to think of if this same tragedy happened in my life, that 10 years later and I know you came to this place many years ago because I've heard you talk about it but how have you been able to get to the point that there is not anger and resentment towards somebody who took something so, so drastically from your life?
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, To be honest, I've never been angry at him.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I remember in the hospital asking about him before I knew I didn't.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: We actually didn't know all the details until probably a couple months later that you know what caused him to wreck.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: But I immediately was like how?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know how he's doing, because I can't imagine if that were me, how I would feel, if I knew that I just tore this family apart, and so really I was really sad for him, you know, and I can see how that could be different in a different circumstance, where maybe something was very intentional but he didn't mean to cause an accident.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: He did make poor decisions that led to something terrible, but he didn't seek my family out to hurt us, and so I was never really angry at him.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I was really sad for him and I was really sad for me, but I can only attribute that to the Lord.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And my husband, honestly, was the same way.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think we've both, as Christians, we both realized that it could have easily been us to cause something terrible to happen.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: And we are sinners and we have been forgiven of a great debt and we have to forgive too, and sometimes it's really hard and sometimes it's really easy and even though I've had questions and I've've wondered why and I've had anger at the situation, I'm grateful that the Lord has helped me to just maybe put myself in His shoes a little bit and not be angry with Him.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, amazing.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And that is supernatural because, again, I don't think anybody could get there without the level of faith recognizing you know.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, but by the grace of God, would this have been me or one of my children?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: You do you think of the mother too, of the situation on that side, who has a son who has just caused this amount of grief and whose poor choices has impacted a family so greatly?
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: How did you and Gentry navigate I mean, you guys were young, six years into a marriage and statistically I believe you guys have beat the odds, because when you research the loss of a child and success rates in marriage, it's devastatingly negative numbers.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: How have you guys safeguarded your marriage?
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: What was that season of just coming home from the hospital with everything that you had known and dreamed of no longer a reality with a family?
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: How did you guys navigate through that and not fall apart in a marriage?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I, you know, when I was in the hospital before it got really chaotic and I had just had Reed and I was recovering, and I remember two things.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I remember feeling really terrible for the driver and asking about him, and I remember that I knew the statistic that I had heard that parents who have, who lose a child, typically it's really hard for them to stay together in a marriage and that was my first prayer was Lord, save my marriage.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, gentry and I had been married for six years on the day that, may 23rd 2009, is when we got married.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: So May 23rd 2015 is our sixth wedding anniversary, and we were 27, 26, 27 years old, so super young, yeah.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: So we grieved differently, but the Lord was so gracious to kind of allow those waves of grief to hit at different times.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: I would be a puddle and he would be strong in that moment, and then vice versa, and just having that solid foundation of faith and trust in Jesus and going through other seasons of life where we learn dependence on the Lord at a young age helped, because I already know the faithfulness of God and why would he not be faithful in this?
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, he was really faithful to let us kind of grieve back and forth, and that was good and we started counseling pretty immediately and in the very early days we would read scripture together before we went to bed and then we'd read scripture together before we went to bed and then we'd read scripture together as soon as we woke up.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, coming home to our house, that was now, you know, empty and was supposed to be full of, you know, crying and laughing and all the things.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: With a little kid and a baby on the way, that was, yeah, that was very hard.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did have to close Dobbs's door for a little while and not be hit in the face with that every time we walked by the room.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: But you know, then other times we would just lay in his room and his pile of sorry, it sounds silly, but in his pile of dirty clothes.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Just smell him, you know, yeah.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it was incredibly difficult, but but our marriage was strong through it and I'm so grateful for that.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, we we grieved together and we grieved separately and thankfully we were just both really understanding of.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: No one else knows how I feel.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: No one knows Dobbs like I know Dobbs.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You know I'm the only person that carried Dobbs in my body.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: I'm the only person who knows what that feels like, and Gentry is the only person who knows what it feels like to love Dobbs like a parent loves Dobbs, you know.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: And to love Reed like a parent would love Reed, and so there was that, like you know, there was that connection to like you know, and to love read like a parent would love read, and so there was that, like you know, there was that connection to like you're the only one who gets the grief that I'm going through, and so that was.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: That was a connection for us too.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: That, I think, helped.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, walking through those exact same emotions, differently but the same emotions, and how kind I think of God, that in the craziness in the hospital that you would think immediately not my marriage, not my marriage.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fight for that because I think that's not a common, probably first response in trauma like this, that that probably starts to be a reality a month, two months, three months down the road, when the crater is already happening and you sense, oh goodness, this might be an issue and I just think you know amazing that that is something that even came to your mind.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: So, walking through this, I was introduced to Hadley and Gentry in this, this right in the midst of their absolute nightmare.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: And I don't know, hadley, we've never talked about it.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: This is the first time that you and I have really had conversation face to face there.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I believe and tell me if I'm wrong there had been some kind of a fund set up to help you guys immediately after the accident, and because of the unfortunate circumstances where both boys did go to heaven pretty quickly, those funds weren't needed for the medical expenses and so you guys were looking for something to do to honor your boys, and that is then how our paths kind of crossed.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Can you tell us a little bit about that?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it was actually a family that I babysat for before having Dobbs had set up a GoFundMe for us, and it raised tons of money I think over a hundred thousand dollars and we did pay some medical bills with that.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, we did have lots of medical bills afterwards.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: It's just expensive to be at the hospital, at any hospital for any point in time, and so we did use some of that money to pay our medical bills.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: And then we had been our church had worked with an organization in Haiti called Mission of Hope.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Haiti and Gentry had been on a mission trip there in maybe 2011.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: And then we went again in 2014.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: That was the first time I got to go and really just fell in love with the people there, with this incredible organization, but also the people in Haiti, and so we gave the money to Mission of Hope and we just thought this is a great way for this money to be used and for the kingdom to keep growing, and we know that they'll use it wisely.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: And they came back to us a couple months later and said we would like to use that money to build a school, and we want to call it the Dobson Reed Eddings Primary School, and so we were just like, oh my goodness, that's amazing, we would love that and it's so special.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: And so they did that and really all the details just came together.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: It couldn't have been more of a God thing.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: But the school is on this beautiful, almost like a little bay area, and it overlooks, and it's gorgeous, and we were able to go in 2016 for the school's opening and see all of the kids, and we knew that these children would be getting an education and they would learn about the Lord, and then they would also be fed a meal and so, yeah, just for us, it was just that you know what the enemy meant for evil, god turned for good and, hopefully, a legacy that will go on and on.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: We did just find out recently that the school is closed, temporarily, hopefully, because the humanitarian crisis going on in Haiti right now is so terrible.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: So we do pray that it will reopen and that things will get better in Haiti, and we still work with Mission of Hope and love them dearly and the people that work for them, and I still keep in contact with some of my friends in Haiti and it truly is just a really sad state right now of things there.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: So, if you're listening to this, I would love your prayers for Haiti in general.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: So if you're listening to this, I would love your prayers for Haiti in general.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, that the Lord would just let us be a vessel to start this amazing school and hope to see it continue.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: And so that is how our paths, our stories, crossed.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: In 2015, I was involved in a project to build 90 homes for 90 families that were still displaced, and so at the bottom of that hill that Hadley was talking about, the school sits.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Up top and it's just the view of the ocean is just stunning, and down below is 90 homes, and those 90 homes had been built and those families were there and we were praying that right there that there could be a community center, a school, and so when we got word that a donation had come in and that that school was gonna be built, just obviously the way it came to be, we were sick about, but also just the way that God used such tragedy to answer prayers to have this school as well.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: And I was able to go back Hadley I don't even know if you know this Once the school was built, I reached out to Mission of Hope and we were talking about sponsorship and my sister's a photographer and I just said I just feel like people need to see these kids the way we see them when we're there those shiny white teeth, their beautiful skin more than like that traditional sponsorship photo, and I said would you be willing to let us try something crazy.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Can me and my four sisters fly in, take professional pictures and get these kids sponsored over social media and to be able to be in that school, to come out every day and see that sign with your boys' names on it?
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kids and families waiting in line to have their pictures taken and then every night going back to where we were staying at Mission of Hope and uploading those pictures and literally within seconds, I mean people were fighting on the internet to be, able to claim these beautiful, precious kids and fully fund the scholarships or the sponsorships for every one of those kids going.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: And I just remember over and over being there and just you can't walk outside of that school without seeing that sign as you take in the view in the courtyard and just being so inspired by how you guys used the resources to continue to help other families.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And we also pray, man Lord, just be with Haiti, be with that corrupt government, with the gang, protect those families and trust that this is not the end of that story.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: So I feel like we have to get to the part now of I don't know that you ever move past the hardship of what that is.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: That's probably just now a part of your DNA and part of who you are.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: But I remember again, since we don't really know each other.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I remember where I was and I was watching I think it was a news clip like from the local news watching a news clip about your guys' story.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: It was a couple of years after the boys had passed and weeping because the story has the most amazing handprints of God all over it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: So tell us a little bit about the next chapter.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh well.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: So we decided in 2016 that we were ready to try and have a family again, and so in November of 2016, we found out that we were pregnant.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: So we were thrilled about that.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: And then, shortly before Christmas, we went to have an ultrasound and that morning my husband was in his office and he was reading his Bible.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: And I walked in and he was just kind of down and I was like, why are you sad?
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: And he said, well, I'm reading in Psalm 127, where it says that my quiver should be full and that children are inheritance from the Lord.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: And I just feel like my quiver is supposed to be full but it's not.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: And I said, well, I mean, you know those mother, the mother intuition, right?
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: So I just said, well, I think we're going to find out we're having twins.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: And he's like okay, you know, I'm like, I really think that.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: So, anyway, we go to the ultrasound and, sure enough, she puts that you know wand on my belly and she goes it's twins.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: And I mean we just burst into laughter and tears and so exciting.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: The doctor was like most parents are really nervous when we tell them they're having twins.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: They're not as happy as you guys.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: And we're like, we're just thrilled, you know, like the Lord's doing a miracle right now, and I told my kids that this morning.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I said they said, why are you talking about this story?
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, you know, this defines a lot of my life, you know.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: But also you're a part of the story and you are a miracle that happened in mommy's life.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: So that was so fun to surprise everybody, you know.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: And especially just having the story that we have where we've lost our two sons and now the Lord's restoring our family to us, we've lost our two sons and now the Lord's restoring our family to us, and then to find out that they're both boys, was just like the cherry on top.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: So you know, just when you get busy in life and you stop, you don't always think about how precious these children are and how wonderful and what a gift they are.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: But it's been neat, even just this morning, talking with my kids about it.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: You are a miracle, you are the kindness of God, like just in my face all day, every day.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: You know that he restored my family to me and he redeemed this and he didn't replace it, but he restored this and then that he let you be boys was just, it's just.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: It's incredible to think about the kindness of God and how he really is in all the details.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: So they were born July 10th 2017, and their names are Isaiah Dobbs and Amos Reed, and they are seven years old now and they are all boy.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: They're all about.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I mean, they're just into everything and they're so much fun and so wild and second grade and man, it's just.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: It's hard to believe that they're already that big.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: What, what a crazy story.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: And for anybody that was was watching along with you guys, when you did find out that it was two boys, I was like my heart cannot contain.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: It's everything about the song the Goodness of God.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I hear Cece Winans singing that in the background right and just like for all my days you have been faithful.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Yep, yep, I love that yeah.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, so woo heavy stuff.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: So now you have.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: We talked a little bit about how you're honoring the boys, right Through to the tangible things that you did and we talked about.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: You know you talk about that.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Amos and Isaiah bring it up so clearly.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: It's a huge part of your family.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: What do you guys do for other mamas who maybe have walked this unthinkable journey, who maybe aren't at the same?
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to say same place of healing, but same place of being able to recognize God's faithfulness and goodness.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: What are ways Let me just backtrack for a second and say you know, when I say I wasn't angry at the driver, or when I say that I could just really see God's faithfulness, don't hear me say that I didn't cry and scream and tell God I don't know what in the world you allowed this to happen.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: For there were plenty of days where I was I mean more days than not where I was absolutely distraught on my face and crying out and saying distraught on my face and crying out and saying I don't understand why.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: You know, we we were two young kids serving in the church, you know, and we were doing everything we could to bring these kids up to know you and love you and and while you didn't cause this, it's, there is that question of why you know, and so don't don't hear me say that it was all easy, because it absolutely was the hardest thing I've ever walked through in my entire life and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and there were lots of days where I asked God why.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: But God was also faithful in that and he can take every bit of my anger and every bit of my frustration and every bit of my sadness, and I think that was the main thing is just that I could bring it to him, you know so.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: So I hope that if you are listening to this and you are not you are struggling to see God's faithfulness, that that that you will begin to see it and that you will know that you can take every little, every emotion that you have, big or small, small, to Him and trust that he hears you and that he cares about you.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: So I just wanted to say that there were some things that came easy for me, but it was an extremely, extremely hard season.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: So what does healing look like for you now?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Almost 10 years, a lot of beautiful redemption.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: In parts of your stories, still holes that will never be filled.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: What does that healing look like for you now, at this stage?
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: There is this image, I think, that went around on Instagram Instagram and it was like the grief doesn't get smaller, but you're and it's like a ball in this, like tiny jar, and the ball doesn't get smaller but the jar gets bigger.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: And so I would say it it's not all consuming anymore, it doesn't take up all my space.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: Of course, the first thing I think about and the last thing I think about are Dobbs and Reed.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Every day, and there are moments when I say, man, like I stop and think, like well, dobbs would be in seventh grade and Reed would be in fifth grade, and that's wild to think of everything that I didn't get with them.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: And it hurts, but it's a different hurt now.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: It's not an all-consuming grief.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: I grieve them and I certainly wish that story was different and I had all four of these boys in my home, but the grief is not all-consuming anymore.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: And as far as healing, we still visit the cemetery, we still talk about them and tell stories about dogs and, and we talk about them with our children and and I mean our kids know so much.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: One day this summer we were at the pool and my kids didn't have anyone to play with and they said, I just wish that our brothers were here, you know, and I'm like wow, that caught me off guard.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: But but you know, they, they feel it too, even though they don't know them.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: And so, yeah, it's, they're a very, they're very present in the forefront of our family.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: But the grief is not all consuming like it used to be, and we did years of counseling and lots of reflecting over everything and so processing all of it, and there are still days where it'll hit you out of nowhere that all consuming grief, but it doesn't hit you all the time.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Something that you wrote I think it was maybe on one of the anniversary posts.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: You said I have been able to witness sorrow, bring forth joy in countless ways.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I say that not to celebrate the bad, but to encourage you that joy is still possible in the hard times.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: What would you say to a mom or a dad, to parents that are in the middle of the hard time that would encourage them that joy is coming?
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: What would your words to those families or anybody that's really in the season of hard?
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I think I would say that it's hard to see how things could get better, but they will.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Things will get better, it will.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, like I said, it will always hurt, it will always be there, but your capacity will grow.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: And I mean, really, for us, if we didn't have our faith in the Lord, I don't know.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you do it without God, because he is our hope.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Right, because I know that I don't get to see my kids again here, but I do have hope that I get to see them again in eternity.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: And if I don't have the hope that Jesus loves me and he died for me and he rose again and he defeated death, then I don't have any hope really.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: And so I would just say, hang on and trust the Lord and go to Him with everything.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Take the frustration and the anger and the sadness to Him, and it's hard to see, but it can get better and it will get better.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: And you know, finding a good counselor I think is very important, and processing those feelings and not stuffing them, Because that was one thing I remember my friend, who is a counselor, was in one of the very first things she said to to us together as a couple was don't um, don't stuff it down, don't try to pretend like it didn't happen.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Don't avoid processing the hard emotions.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I like just take them head on, because the problems get worse when, when you stuff them.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: So I would just say trust that the Lord has good plans for you, trust that he's working things together for your good, even if you can't see it, and that it will get better.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: And if you're married and this is a struggle that you're going through with your spouse just hold on to each other.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Hold on to each other.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Don't push the other one away.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Hold on to each other.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Hold on to each other.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: Don't push the other one away.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: Hold on to each other.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: If it's child loss, that's what I can really speak to is just know that that other person is the only other person who loved that child like you love that child.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard to see, but there is hope it does get better see, but there is hope it does get better.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: And if you're a listener and you're listening to what Hadley's saying and even the whole thing about a relationship with the Lord is foreign to you and you don't have a basis to understand that or that is not something that has ever been a part of your life, I just want to encourage you in the show notes is links to Instagram.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Please reach out and private message.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: I know Hadley's heart.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I know that part of the redemption story of her boys is others hearing their story and seeing their own need for a savior.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: And so if that is something that is foreign to you and doesn't make sense, number one, get a Bible and open it, because the Bible is living and active.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: But reach out if that is something that you need more information on, that you want to dig deeper in, because I agree wholeheartedly with Hadley that life with a hope that is different, that is eternal, is the thing that allows us to get through hardship, and I have not walked hardship like Hadley has walked, and so to hear her say that that is proof in the reality of the love of Jesus, for sure, hadley.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Another question I want to ask you before we wrap up I mentioned it in the beginning you know we kind of say it jokingly, but it does have a true hold on us that it is easy to come to life or to come to the Lord with pretty open hands on a lot of things, but also to have this.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Keep your hands off and you hear stories like yours.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Hear stories like yours and it's very, very difficult not to almost go to a state of feeling fearful, like what if that was ever part of my journey.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: What would you say to parents that live in a lot of fear about something happening to their kids?
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I get that and I'm a parent now and I understand that fear.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: One thing I was not even present for this conversation, but the weekend of our accident the next day, my husband was a worship leader and so we were obviously not at church and our worship team, obviously our church was grieving and our pastor's wife came in to talk to the worship team at our church and she said something to the effect and I think of this all the time is right now everyone's worried like, oh my gosh, this just happened to someone close to me.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: This could happen to me.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: Realizing that you know we are not, we are not exempt from from bad things happening, and that God doesn't give you the grace to walk through, example, losing your child until you are walking through losing your child, you know.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: So of course you can't imagine how in the world would you get through it?
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: It's all.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: It's every parent's greatest fear, right, Like I wouldn't live through losing my child, and I I would have said that too.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: But God doesn't give that grace to you until you need it.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: And so God doesn't give you the grace to walk through lots of things until you are walking through them, because you don't need that yet and I find that as a comfort.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: Like you know, if I'm fearful of losing a family member or of what will happen when my kids grow up, like I, just have to trust like the Lord is going to.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: He has been faithful in every season of my life, even the really hard things.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Like he's going to continue to be faithful, he's going to give me the grace to keep moving when the next season comes.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: So don't fear.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: I know that's so easier said than done, but don't fear, you know, because he's going to be with you.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: And just I mean.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: I say simple truth.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: It's the whole truth, but it is, you know, so simple.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: And when we get caught in those fear cycles I mean our mom brains they can be vicious.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Like anything you do.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: You come home and you're like that was a really bad decision that I made.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: That could have gone a lot worse and your brain can take you down these places.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: And just a therapist said to me once was if so, then what is still true about God?
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Even if that happens?
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: What is still true the next day?
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: And it's that God is still who he says he is, and I love that.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: You said that he doesn't give you the grace to walk through that battlefield until you're in the battlefield, and I think that ties directly into the verse be anxious for nothing.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: Be anxious for nothing Until you're standing on the battlefield.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, because when you're there, he's gonna give you what you need to fight that current battle.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: Hadley, your story is so powerful and I'm so grateful that you are in a position that you're willing to talk about it, to share the hard, to share the beautiful new pieces of your guys' life, to watch you from a distance on social media it's an honor.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: I do feel like you've given us all a glimpse of redemption and just to be able to see, I feel like God used your family to really show here on earth just a small fraction of his love for us in every detail of his love for us in every detail, and it's hard to say, with the loss that's in your story, that also your story is probably one of the most beautiful I've ever seen of like man.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: God is good all the time and I'm just grateful for you guys being willing to let us in so any final thoughts that you have as we wrap this up, just about being in seasons of hardship and healing and trusting God, yeah.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Well, one of the things my husband always says as believers it's not over until it's good, and that's the hope we have.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: So it's not over until it's good, and that's the hope we have.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: So it's not over.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: It's not over until it's good, and good might not be until heaven.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, and that's what I'm sure he means there.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: We know the end of the story.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: The end of the story is good.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: The end of the story is good.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: The end of the story is good and he was good to you to let you have a good piece of that here on earth as we move towards that final healing in heaven.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: And so, goodness, hadley, thank you so much.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: I know listeners, that this is going to be a hard one we have a lot of young moms that listen but just I'm grateful for you and your transparency and just the hope that you give us all that we don't know what's ahead.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Life can throw us curveballs every single day, and I also just want to point out, like also God's goodness in giving us nudges and we live in a time that is busy and we're distracted, and I love that you heard that nudge from God to just squeeze that little sweet foot and say I love you.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: And it's easy in our hurry to lose those.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: And so just a reminder today to mamas, dads that are listening slow down when God says read the book, take the walk, go, do the thing, say I love you, be an encourager.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Those aren't just little checklist things, those are spiritual, divine interactions that we have the opportunity to have with our kids, and so take them.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: And so again, hadley, just thank you so much.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: Well, thanks for having me.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: All right, friends, we are going to wrap it up there.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: This is a podcast that I know many of you are going to listen to, and you're going to know that you need to share it with different friends, family members, maybe somebody that is just an acquaintance that you know is walking through hardship, and this story of the Eddings family will just be an encouragement to them of the goodness of God, and so I just encourage you to share this, to send it to somebody and just offer them a little bit of human perspective, but from just a life that's lived full of God's goodness and faith and believing in the fact that he is who he says he is.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: And again, if this is something that's foreign to you, please reach out.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: We would love to give you direction and guide you towards what it looks like to walk a life with Jesus.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.