Latest / 100 Stories: The Narrative Intelligence Project / Dr. Mónica Lebrón: When Work Stops Loving You Back — Workaholism, Identity & Starting Over
Transcript
- Paige Williams: Welcome to 100 Stories, the Narrative Intelligence Project. I'm Paige Williams. I'm speaking with 100 thinkers, creators, researchers, leaders, and people who've lived through profound change to explore one central question. How malleable are the stories we live by, and what does it take to change one? What I learned through these conversations will help shape the emerging field of narrative intelligence in the foundational book that I'm writing about it. This is 100 Stories. Today I am speaking with Monica LeBron, whose mission is to serve others. I invited Monica because she is a self-proclaimed recovering workaholic currently on sabbatical, and I can't wait to. dig into this story about how she came to understand that and what she's doing now as a result. And Monica, welcome to the show. I'm so glad to have you here. Monica Lebron: Thanks for having me. Paige Williams: Yeah, you bet. Will you please tell us about the work that has most shaped how you see yourself in the world? Monica Lebron: I have spent my entire career working in college athletics. I was a student athlete myself. I was a softball player at Yale University and I was on financial aid at Yale. And when you're on financial aid, you have to work an on-campus job. And and my coach said, Hey, do you want to work for the admin assistant of the AD? And I said, sure, I don't know what an AD does, but sign me up. So I show up first day freshman year and and she puts me to work doing odd jobs and by semester's end I sat our athletic director down and I said, How do I become you? You have the best job in the world, you get paid to ensure I have the best experience possible and that's what I want to be when I grow up. And you know, twenty nine years later, here we are. It was it was something I chased, like I said, for twenty seven years relentlessly. But I have now been on a two and a half year sabbatical and I can't wait to dive into what that has meant to me and and how I look at my career moving forward and just excited to share my story with everyone. Paige Williams: so tell me about a transformational moment in your life that shaped your life moving forward. Monica Lebron: I was on this train track going warp speed towards the athletic director position when I say I loved what I was doing, it never once felt like a job. but two and a half years ago, in separation of of my last employer, I I sort of woke up and realized I've never taken a break. And and so I I had to kind of talk myself into I don't know how long this break is gonna be, but however long it is, you are gonna enjoy it. And I really had to give myself that pep talk and I had to tell the people around me, hey, hold me accountable, make sure I'm having fun, make sure I'm traveling, make sure I'm making time for friends and family and but ultimately it was it was getting kicked off the hamster wheel, which I wouldn't have kicked myself off. I loved the hamster wheel and I didn't know anything else. But but it was getting kicked off that hamster wheel that wow, you might think it could be the worst thing that could happen to a bona fide workaholic. But it's actually been the greatest gift that could have been given to me as I've embarked upon this journey and I've I've taken on new endeavors and and I've even started writing and I'm looking to get my books published. So so many new things that I've allowed to enter into my life that because I was so laser focused with absolute tunnel vision, I didn't allow myself to look at anything else. And so the last two and a half years truly have been a transformation. Paige Williams: And in that twenty seven years, did you identify as a workaholic or was it after the transformation point that you decided that the narrative is, looking back I was a workaholic? Monica Lebron: Think that I sort of knew if I had even taken a second to reflect on it, which I didn't, I think I would have known. But I wore it as a badge of honor. I was proud of that. I was proud of putting work first, second, third, and fourth. And and why would I need to put myself i in any of those l slots in terms of first, second, third, or fourth? Because I was having fun. I had a smile on my face. I was climbing the ladder. And so I just i yeah, it it wasn't it wasn't anything I took time to reflect on. But once I was given that time, I I recognize with a new lens, hey, maybe that wasn't the healthiest approach. And so that if I do go back or whatever I go back to next, that that maybe there's a different way of doing it. Paige Williams: And why did you make that decision? Because you said you were happy. So what did you recognize in the new identity of saying, actually I was a workaholic and maybe that's not the best thing for me? What was in there? What's the meat of that that made you realize maybe that wasn't the best thing? What did you learn in this sabbatical time? Monica Lebron: Sure, I think that when you put anything above yourself, you know, again, I I loved what I was doing, and so I kept giving to it, and I thought that was the right thing. But once I found myself on the sideline, I realized, wow, it didn't love me back. Paige Williams: Mm. Monica Lebron: At the end of the day, what I've what I've realized is that the person who's gonna love you most is you. And if you don't make yourself a priority, there's a chance that no one else will either. And so again, it's it's taken this time away to reflect on that, to real realize that I do vow I I do matter, and therefore I can still have work matter too. But I've gotta look out for myself and I've gotta I've gotta make myself that priority. And there is some level of balance. You know, when I I'm not married and I don't have kids, so I didn't have that built in, hey, I gotta run the little league or or I gotta get food on the table or I gotta I gotta put my family first. You know, those are some built in priorities that people do just so naturally. But when it's just you, well. Heck, I'm just gonna sit on the couch and watch more sports, so I might as well stay here and work nights and weekends and again when when you continue to put yourself second and third, well, it's no one's going to say, Hey, hey, you need to go home and you need to get some rest because you're being productive. And so I I realize now that there's a hundred ways to skin a cat, and if I go back that it is okay to Maybe walk away or make myself a priority. Paige Williams: Yeah, I love what you said about Work Didn't Love Me Back. What did you learn growing up about identity and self-worth? What were the stories that kinda the narratives that ran through your family that led you to become who you are? Monica Lebron: I am the youngest of three girls and I have arguably the most supportive family one can have. I think throughout my whole life we always celebrated each other. Certainly our parents always celebrated us, you know, academically, athletically, in any endeavor we embarked upon, our parents were were celebrating us at every turn. and then as sisters we we lifted each other up and we celebrated each other. I I think early on, because I've always been this perfectionist, I think even my own parents worried about me because they saw just how hard I was on myself. It wasn't it wasn't them being hard on me. It was no, I want to be the best in everything I do. And and so I put that pressure on myself and they would try to defuse it, but you know, when you're wired the way I'm wired, it it's even hard as parents, I'm sure, to to have them watch me put all that pressure on myself. And and so, but I just always wanted to accomplish everything I set out to do. I wanted to accomplish it at the highest level. And and it it sort of seeped right into work as I be as I began my professional career. I then wanted to climb that ladder to reach that division one A D position. and so I I think again that's what sort of created that tunnel vision. But it's no different than wanting to play a sport in college or wanting to get good grades in high school. It was I always wanna strive for greatness and I never turned it off. Paige Williams: I think it's difficult for us when we're in our twenties or thirties to have this kind of wisdom that we eventually get. And so you kind of like were forced into or or had this bottom, I would say, where you realized, okay, I'm gonna go on sabbatical now. And then in the sabbatical you came to understand that workaholism was not serving you well. And so talk more about that shift in that narrative, because it's a big deal to live your whole life Getting A pluses and then to decide that actually the A plus belongs somewhere else. It's in rest, not achievement. I'm actually really deeply curious in the kind of athlete you are in an AD of a Division I school, like what had to shift For you to spend a lifetime of narrative as A plus means this to actually it means something else. What was that? how long did it take? How long were you in the hallway of transformation? Monica Lebron: I kinda started upon the sabbatical thinking, okay, travel first and say yes. Say yes to everything. Because again, for so many years I had said no. Hey, if you're gonna get married in the fall, chances are I can't go because we've got a football game and I have to work. That that's so important. I have to be at that football game, I have to be at every football game. So I'm not gonna be able to make your wedding and and For so many years, it was I can only vacation in the first two weeks in July because every other month of the year has some sporting event that is so important that I have to be at. And so early on in the sabbatical, it was just say yes and travel and like I said, make time for those those family members and those friends that that you put aside. But it's funny that when I tell other people. yeah, I've been on a sabbatical. I'm consulting. I'm executive coaching. I started writing. I'm looking for an agent. I'm looking for a publisher. Oftentimes people stop me and say, that doesn't sound like a sabbatical. And you know, I have to laugh because at the end of the day, I think we're wired the way we're wired. So I'm still extremely disciplined. I'm still extremely structured. And again, going back to the beginning of the sabbatical, I still wanted to treat it as though, look, I want to work again, but I want to do it on my terms. So in order to feel like I'm I'm I I guess doing it the right way or that then I'm earning my stripes, I forced myself to have that structure. So I would, okay, you're gonna work out first thing in the morning, just like you would. If you're going to an office, you're gonna work out at six in the morning still. That starts your day. Now, my day looked a little bit different because I wasn't going to an office. I was staying at home and and I could I could read my emails in my workout clothes and I could enjoy, you know, reading the news or or having my cup of coffee without the pressure of I've gotta get to the next meeting. But but I was still creating that structure. I was setting up Zoom meetings and I was trying to connect with as many people as possible. I wanted to still stay relevant in in the collegiate athletics world, which is how I walked down the path of consulting. but then ultimately when I started writing, when I sat down, it was probably eight months into the sabbatical and I was frustrated about a job I was waiting to hear back from. And I said, hey, there's no frustration allowed. There's no, you know, you have to stay positive and optimistic. And so I needed a new task. And so I said, okay, come Monday, you're gonna sit down and start writing whatever it is that comes out. I I I was I was wanting to write my memoir. And so I just started writing. And then with each passing day, I wrote more and more and more. And then all of a sudden, I was a writer. And and if I reflect on the the entire sabbatical to this point, that's probably the the piece I'm most proud of is because it was always in me. I just never created time or space to actually get it, you know, on paper. and I can't wait for it to reach the masses because going back to how you introduced me, I really do think I was put on this earth. To help people get where they're trying to go, to h serve others, to pour into other people. And the book, the the first one I wanna I wanna publish is the memoir about the sabbatical coming off being a workaholic. I do think so many people right now are experiencing job and career transition and they're struggling. And here I am, I I haven't struggled really through it. I've I've just continued to be optimistic and be positive and and take on new new adventures. And I wanna help s so many more people by publishing this book than I can if I'm just organically taking someone's phone call and talking them through it or using my executive coaching platform to help, you know, a client here or there. Paige Williams: So will you break down for me how you define for yourself the difference between being a workaholic and the productivity that you're talking about in sabbatical? Because it feels like two different things and yet you're still doing a lot. Monica Lebron: I think when I when I reflect on calling myself a workaholic at the office. I always wanted to be all things to all people and and I couldn't turn it off. Again, it I think it's because of who I am in my core that I want to serve others. So I always I always t used to tell people, I still tell people, hey, my door's always open, my phone's always on. Well shoot, if you lead with that, people are gonna take you up on it. And next thing you know, you've you've s taken the whole day to serve others, and then you haven't even gotten to your to-do list. And then that's why we stay at the office late. That's why we work weekends because heck, I I was I was putting others first. But but so back to that that word workaholic, it's I want I wanna be all things to all people. And I didn't have whether it was the ability or the confidence to put up guardrails. Again, Paige Williams: Mm. Monica Lebron: Garbrails were down. So it was like, whatever everyone needs, come on, come and get it, you know, and I'm here to help. and and you almost again, you don't think about it, but when you do reflect on it, you think, of course that's gonna create job security. you're being productive, you're serving as a great teammate, you're you're you're infusing a positive culture. Of course you're always gonna have work, you're always gonna have a job, you're always gonna be a part of the team. Well, when you wake up one day and you're no longer a part of the team, it forces you to reflect on, gosh, maybe this whole time I was telling myself that that was gonna keep me safe and that that was the security blanket I needed. But obviously, if if you woke up on the sideline It wasn't. And so now in in sabbatical, yes, I'm still really hard on myself in terms of the scheduling and the structure. But I'm using so many new creative pathways that I can't help but smile and be proud of myself in a new way. and it is on my terms. but again if someone else is reflecting on how I've acted in the last two and a half years on this sabbatical, I think they'd say she's crazy because she's even in break, she doesn't always give herself that grace, that that break. but but man, from who I was before to now, it's certainly a a contrast. Paige Williams: Well what I love is you've defined this difference between workaholism of Putting everyone else first, not having any boundaries, no guardrails, no no thank yous to and now I'm doing work that really feeds my soul and and gets me up in a different way. And so it's almost like sabbatical may mean something else to you than it means to someone else. So you may be on sabbatical forever, because let me ask you this, what would it mean to not be on sabbatical? To go when would you know that you're off sabbatical? Monica Lebron: One of two things because I also in this time period I as I've as I've launched new platforms in terms of workspaces, I still take every phone call and I tell people, hey, I will take any and every phone call work related. you know, whether it's back in college sports, whether it's pro sports, whether it's private sector. I I think deep down I I do miss what What traditional work means. I I miss office camaraderie. I miss teammates. I miss chatting over a cup of coffee or around the water cooler. I I really do miss that because I'm social and outgoing and I and and again it's it gives me pathways to pour into other people when they're constantly around. I do think that others will question that that rest. it's you know have you truly given yourself that rest that you needed but it's just it's never I don't know that it's ever gonna be in me to rest. It it's it's a new form of of of work and and and pathway but But I still I'm I'm driven by accomplishments. So now that I've set new goals for myself, it's how do I I accomplish those. Right now it's how do I get that book on on bookshelves? You know? How do I Paige Williams: Right, right, right. Monica Lebron: how do I how do I find the right publisher? How do I find the right agent to represent me? that's that's a new goal that I want to accomplish and and I really wanna get it done. but yeah, it's it's certainly something to think about is have you truly given yourself that that rest? Paige Williams: I don't know that you're you you need rest. what I keep hearing you say, which is so cool, is that you shifted from serving others to serving yourself and by doing that you can serve others better. And there's nothing about rest in there, right? I mean, you're doing what you love and we're all driven to do what we love. And I think in my experience, we kinda hit that reflective point because we're not doing what we were put here to do all the way, and we hit that kind of bottom so that we We can do it. And so it feels like life has put you exactly where you're supposed to do in order to serve others. Which in my book is Creative Key 11, Love and Service. I was thinking about, I think that there's I'm testing and through these interviews of about narrative intelligence, learning about five capacities. to narrative intelligence. And you t you're talking a lot about flexibility, which is the power to choose something new, which is this what you're calling sabbatical. and then the next one is enactment. And so if you were to find your team again and go back to a traditional work environment, how would you know what that you're still serving what you learned in sabbatical, which is put yourself first and do what you're made to do, in that old environment of the team setting, which you seek, which you want, how will you know if you're being like still living the values that you've learned from the last two and a half years? Monica Lebron: That is the million dollar question. And and I'm very honest with myself to say I won't know until I'm in it. I I hope and wish and pray that that I have taught myself well enough to make myself a priority. but so often. We as humans fall back on our bad habits because they're easy and comfortable and they provide a false sense of security. And so I don't know. I don't I wanna believe that that I will do it differently. I wanna believe it. But I'm not gonna know really until I'm back in it. And so we might have to do another podcast because, Paige Williams: Yeah. Monica Lebron: you know, to to kind of revisit Paige Williams: Yeah. Monica Lebron: after, you know, six or twelve months into a new traditional job. if I've stuck to my plan or if I went right back to well sh shoot, you you don't make any time for yourself. Paige Williams: yeah, totally. I appreciate your honesty about that. And and I understand it because it's so human. I mean, that's Monica Lebron: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paige Williams: that's what I'm curious about with narrative intelligence. Like we can identify the story. Like you said, work doesn't love me back. Like that is a huge understanding and narrative that you came to understand and how you're living. But can we actually take that and then live from that knowing? Maybe. Maybe not. Like can we increase our capacity to be able to live it? I think you can. I'm rooting for you. Like hardcore rooting for you. I think it'll be awesome to see what happens. Monica Lebron: Me too. Me too. Paige Williams: After so many years in in this high achievement environment, what stories did you absorb about success, worth, and who you had to be? Monica Lebron: I love my parents because they tried so hard to defuse the little child that they were raising to to not feel this pressure of I have to get straight A's and I have to be the best on the team. But but sometimes when you have that kid, you just have that kid and and so it it certainly didn't come as a demand from them. it was just this own personal stamp of approval that that I just want to reach that goal. And and not that I was ever I mean I was hard on myself when I didn't, but yeah, I I think what I tried to preach, you know, I I've a perfect example. I just went, I was invited back to my high school Archbishop Mitty High School in San Jose, California, as the assembly speaker. So they flew me in and I spoke to the whole school about 2,000 kids and faculty and staff and coaches, et cetera. And I told them exactly that is I I I told them a story about you know trials and tribulations and we will all face them. But at the end of the day when one door closes, another one opens was was the message. And that, you know, exactly thirty years ago, t almost to the day that I was talking to them, I was starting my senior year and I was cut from the volleyball team. And I w I was I had been on the volleyball team my junior year and we'd won California State Championships. And you know, I didn't have a huge role on the team, but I was on the team. You're gonna make the team the next year, and that you know, that's just the end of it. And when I got cut In the moment I thought, who am I gonna be on this campus? I am a three-sport varsity athlete. I get good grades. I'm going to a grade school. I'm gonna play softball in college. I'm the senior class president. Like, who am I? What is my identity if if all of a sudden I'm only a two-sport varsity athlete? You know? And and I even told them, guys, 30 years later, that sounds crazy. That sounds crazy. Because of course, we're so much more than our sport and our grades and where we go to college. But 30 years ago, that was my everything. Fast forward, I make the varsity cross-country team, we win sectionals, it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But In the moment you you do think that's your your identity. And so now fast forward, I've just given an industry, college athletics, 27 years of my blood, sweat, and tears. And I've left it all out there and I've loved it. So it I I wasn't unhappy doing it. I loved it. But only in reflection do I realize the sacrifices I made to keep chugging and chugging and climbing. And the higher you climb, the more you almost identify with the accolades and the brands and and the glitz and the glamour. And and you get lost in. Wait, why why did you get into this in the first place? Remember, thirty years ago you said you wanted to do this because your AD was getting paid to ensure you have the best experience possible. That's why you wanted to get into it. And now all of a sudden i i the the glitz and the glamour are kind of blinding you. You you got lost. You got lost in what really mattered, which was Pouring into student athletes, pouring into young staff, creating positive environments. And so it it it it recenters you. Even again, I I'm I'm talking to these high school kids, and 30 years later, even I'm sort of getting lost in, man, that's not my identity. That's those those fancy brands. That fancy title, that huge salary, that's that's not what matters. What matters is, did I make a difference in someone's life today? Did I did I make an impact? Did I leave my mark? And so again, it it grounds you, it it brings you back to center, but I've had two and a half years to reflect on. Why are you doing this? And what do you want to do next as a result? Do you want to go back? And if so, how are you gonna do it differently? Do you wanna go a different path? And and I I think time will tell. Paige Williams: When you hear the words narrative intelligence, you if if you got to write the definition, what would you say it means? Monica Lebron: Think it means owning your own script. It really does. I again what I've what have what I've experienced professionally and certainly in the last two and a half years, there have been people who want to write the narrative for me. And it it hurts. It's frustrating. It's not fair. And now I I'm also the next one to say, hey, life isn't fair, get over it. You know, you know, dust yourself off, forge ahead, let's go. But no, what what happened to me is not okay. But I will write my script. I will create my narrative, and I will own that. And the day the second I let someone else do that for me, I've lost. I've lost. And so I need to get hold of what I want my narrative to be, what I want my script to be. Paige Williams: Awesome. Monica, thank you so much for being here today and sharing your story with us. Monica Lebron: Thank you. Thanks for having me. Paige Williams: Before we close, here's what I'm taking from this conversation about narrative intelligence. Monica said something that feels simple but carries a lot. Work didn't love me back. For 27 years, work gave her identity, purpose, structure, maybe even a sense of safety. If she worked hard enough, served enough people, stayed available enough, kept climbing, then she'd be okay. And then she found herself on the sideline. And what interests me is that Monica didn't suddenly become a different person. She's still ambition, discipline, driven, still setting goals. But the story underneath the achievement has started to change. And maybe the shift isn't from ambition to no ambition. Maybe it's from proving your worth through work to choosing work that's actually aligned with who you are. And there's another piece I keep thinking about. Monica can see the old pattern. She knows what happened. She knows what she wants to do differently, but when I ask if she'll be able to live it when she goes back into a traditional high-performance environment, she said, I won't know until I'm in it. And that may be one of the most important distinctions in narrative intelligence. Seeing the story is not the same as living differently. Insight is not enactment. The real test may come when the old environment rewards and pressures show up again. And then Monica gave her own definition of narrative intelligence, owning your own script. So the question I'm leaving with is, what happens when you finally recognize the story you've been living, but then have to prove to yourself that you can live another one? Take the narrative quotient assessment at storykeys.co and subscribe to 100 stories wherever you watch and listen. Thank you for joining us today.