Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #174 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#174 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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Speaker 1: The way that you made it right with her. I
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Speaker 1: sat there and I thought, this is exactly how it
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Speaker 1: should be.
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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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Speaker 1: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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Speaker 1: wants answers.
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Speaker 3: Now.
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Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson and the author of
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Speaker 2: six books about raising happy families, and I'm here with
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Speaker 2: my wife and co host the wonderful.
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Speaker 1: This is Happy Families. Kylie favorite segment today.
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Speaker 4: It is my favorite one too.
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Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow. Now.
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Speaker 2: This is not a segment where we say, you know,
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Speaker 2: you nailed it this week or we failed it this week.
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Speaker 2: It's not about highlighting the highs and lows, the wins
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Speaker 2: and losses. It's actually about being intentional about our parenting
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Speaker 2: and saying I'll do better tomorrow because I did this
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Speaker 2: thing this week and I can learn from it so
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Speaker 2: that I can be a better parent next week. Sometimes
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Speaker 2: we'll highlight what went well, but sometimes we won't.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 4: I love the concept of hope. I love that even
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Speaker 4: though I didn't get things right today, I can actually
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Speaker 4: learn from that experience and be better tomorrow.
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Speaker 1: So last Friday we had an episode.
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Speaker 2: It is probably the podcast episode that we've received more
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Speaker 2: feedback on than any other previous podcast. It was episode
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Speaker 2: number one hundred and sixty nine and Kylie, in that episode,
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Speaker 2: you would just I mean, you're always wonderful, but we
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Speaker 2: got more feedback about this because of your vulnerability and
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Speaker 2: your opening up about your experience. If you haven't heard
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Speaker 2: that podcast, by the way, please go back and listen
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Speaker 2: to it.
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Speaker 1: It's just beautiful.
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Speaker 2: And I want to share a couple of emails that
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Speaker 2: came through because they're about you.
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Speaker 1: Everybody loves you.
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Speaker 2: Nobody writes about me, but everybody loves writing about you
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Speaker 2: because you're just so great.
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Speaker 1: Vanessa wrote in and said, good morning.
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Speaker 2: I have had to pull over while listening to this
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Speaker 2: podcast as Kylie really spoke to me through today's episode.
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Speaker 2: She was driving and was so connected with what you
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Speaker 2: were saying that she couldn't keep on driving.
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Speaker 1: She had to pull over, and.
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Speaker 4: Well, I'm glad you pulled over. I wouldn't want to
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Speaker 4: be the cause of anyone's accidents.
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Speaker 2: So she talks about how her and her husband have
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Speaker 2: been in Melbourne that have really struggled through Lockdown. Accidentally
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Speaker 2: came across the podcast because she tuned into a webinar
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Speaker 2: when things weren't going so well and talked about just
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Speaker 2: the challenges that the year has given her, feeling so
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Speaker 2: stretched because of one of her kids in particular, and
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Speaker 2: just said she loved.
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Speaker 1: It and got so much out of it. She said,
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Speaker 1: I thought it.
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Speaker 2: Was my role as a mum to be the one
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Speaker 2: to fix these problems. However, after hearing Kylie's recognition that
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Speaker 2: dad can be the heart that I need at the moment,
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Speaker 2: I feel a weight has lifted and I'm already planning
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Speaker 2: daddy's son special moments as we speak. I know my
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Speaker 2: son and my husband will love it, and I think
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Speaker 2: what she's really saying is that I kind of need
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Speaker 2: the break. Vanessa said, I think mums will also try
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Speaker 2: to fix it because we're meant to have this connection
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Speaker 2: all the time, and due to this, I feel like
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Speaker 2: I'm failing. But I've seen it in a different light.
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Speaker 2: Vanessa just loved you were impactful, Honey. You did a
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Speaker 2: great job.
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Speaker 4: It was interesting. I was actually having a conversation with
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Speaker 4: a friend just this morning about that episode, and as
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Speaker 4: we talked through it, she just said, what was really
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Speaker 4: awesome about that experience was the fact that often dads
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Speaker 4: don't actually initiate this kind of time with their children,
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Speaker 4: and so mums usually just you know, like Vanessa said,
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Speaker 4: we kind of feel like we're the ones who have
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Speaker 4: to kind of keep the relationships together and sometimes dad
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Speaker 4: kind of missed the cues. And so she said, it's
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Speaker 4: really awesome that as a mum we can actually help
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Speaker 4: sometimes coach our children's dads to be able to be
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Speaker 4: that you know, heart for their children because sometimes so
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Speaker 4: they just miss it. They kind of don't they don't
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Speaker 4: see it, and it's not because they don't want to
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Speaker 4: be it's just that sometimes it doesn't actually come naturally
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Speaker 4: to them.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Well, I've enjoyed having the opportunity to do that again
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Speaker 2: this week and have some of that special time with
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Speaker 2: the kids because of you. I want to highlight just
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Speaker 2: one more quick bit of feedback that came through as well,
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Speaker 2: because once again, your impact in this podcast is really
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Speaker 2: significant and it needs to be highlighted. So this one
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Speaker 2: came from Lee who said, Hello Justin and Kylie. And this,
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Speaker 2: by the way, all these emails have come through to
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Speaker 2: podcasts podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot you Li says,
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Speaker 2: Hello Justin and Kylie. I'm sitting in my car with
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Speaker 2: tears in my eyes after listening to your podcast that
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Speaker 2: you released today. As a mom, I could totally relate
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Speaker 2: to how Kylie spoke about her authenticity and not being
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Speaker 2: able to do the date this week due to being
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Speaker 2: so stretched, and then she just gave a whole lot
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Speaker 2: of personal experiences about how how she struggled and what
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Speaker 2: her parents were able to do in her life. She
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Speaker 2: just said thank you for the podcast. Every morning in
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Speaker 2: the week, I can't wait to hear your podcast. So Lee,
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Speaker 2: we just appreciate so much that you're listening to the podcast.
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Speaker 2: Thanks for taking the time to send us the email
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Speaker 2: via podcasts at happy Families dot com dot you and
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Speaker 2: share the way that it's impacted on you.
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Speaker 1: We appreciate it so much.
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Speaker 4: It's interesting when you talk about this whole concept of
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Speaker 4: being vulnerable. I actually the conversations that you and I
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Speaker 4: are having conversations that I would have regularly with my friends.
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Speaker 4: The vulnerability comes in because I don't know who's listening, But.
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Speaker 2: I mean, the great thing is Lee and Vanessa and
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Speaker 2: everybody else who's We've had a lot of feedback. It's
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Speaker 2: just been so kind and so positive, and we know
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Speaker 2: that I mean, we do this podcast because we want
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Speaker 2: to help you to make your family happier. We know
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Speaker 2: that's why you're listening. So I want to dive into
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Speaker 2: how you know insights and how we're going to do
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Speaker 2: better tomorrow based on what happened this week. Do you
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Speaker 2: want to go first or do you want me to?
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Speaker 2: I always go first, and I'm mindful of that it
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Speaker 2: should really be you first.
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Speaker 4: Well, my inside is actually almost a year old, but
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Speaker 4: i'll explain why. Right, Christmas only comes around every twelve months.
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Speaker 1: A right?
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Speaker 2: Okay, Oh, I know what you're going to say. You've
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Speaker 2: done something big this week.
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Speaker 4: I have. I've set up Christmas in our house and
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Speaker 4: it has been so much fun. The last few Christmas
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Speaker 4: is I haven't enjoyed the process at all, and last
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Speaker 4: Christmas in particular, I got really frustrated because I felt
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Speaker 4: like everyone left everything up to me.
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Speaker 2: Now, I've just got to quickly jump in here and
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Speaker 2: highlight that when it comes to Christmas and the Christmas setup,
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Speaker 2: you don't like it when other people get involved. You
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Speaker 2: won't let anybody touch the tree.
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Speaker 1: Well, I guess that was the inside I had.
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Speaker 4: I was getting really really frustrated last year because I
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Speaker 4: was feeling time poor and very stretched, and I wanted
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Speaker 4: everything to be a certain way and there was no
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Speaker 4: one in sight to help. And then it occurred to
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Speaker 4: me that I've actually created that whole scenario.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you have, because.
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Speaker 4: I'm so particular about how i want things.
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Speaker 2: So Now, for people who don't know Kylie, Kylie is
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Speaker 2: an interior genius. Kylie has a gift for making spaces beautiful.
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Speaker 2: And it really like when you walk into a room
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Speaker 2: that Kylie spent time in, you kind of feel like
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Speaker 2: you can breathe, You feel the stress leaving your shoulders.
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Speaker 1: It's just so nice. And that's what.
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Speaker 2: Kylie has tried to do every year for our Christmas
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Speaker 2: decorations and kind of let greenery.
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Speaker 1: Overpower our entire home.
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Speaker 2: But nobody's allowed to touch anything, which means that it's
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Speaker 2: a really stressful time for you.
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Speaker 4: And I've been really lucky because with the six girls,
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Speaker 4: they all really appreciate the beauty that I create.
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Speaker 1: So I also would appreciate being allowed to help.
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Speaker 4: Well, I think they're actually enjoy partly not having to.
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Speaker 4: It really gives them permission to not do anything. But
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Speaker 4: last year's I kind of came, you know, came to
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Speaker 4: this realization that I this is an area where I
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Speaker 4: kind of let them down in a way because I've
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Speaker 4: been so intent on creating this beautiful space that I
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Speaker 4: haven't allowed them to be a part of it. And
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Speaker 4: so this year I kind of was like, how do
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Speaker 4: I do this? Because I have this need to have
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Speaker 4: a beautiful tree, and obviously when children get involved, it
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Speaker 4: doesn't it's not symmetrical. I get an eye twitch and
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Speaker 4: a little bit of a I really really struggle.
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Speaker 2: With this, and so hashtag demon mudd don't touch the tree.
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Speaker 1: Well, they don't even come near in you've taught them
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Speaker 1: over the last decade or more, don't touch the tree.
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Speaker 4: Oh, don't hate me, everybody. So I have been trying
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Speaker 4: to work out how I was going to utilize my
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Speaker 4: insights from last year this year. You're laughing at me.
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Speaker 2: Why, because I know why You've decided, so can I.
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Speaker 2: I'm going to do this summary. Okay, we've got we've
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Speaker 2: got two trees, because we've got one in the living
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Speaker 2: area and one in a one in a room in
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Speaker 2: the family room.
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Speaker 1: That people don't see so much. And you're making this
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Speaker 1: sound really.
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Speaker 2: You have decorated the living room tree I mean, it
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Speaker 2: just looks like it belongs in one of those fancy
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Speaker 2: department stores. That looks incredible. It's immaculate, And I know
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Speaker 2: what you're about to say. Your insight is you're going
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Speaker 2: to do better this Christmas than last Christmas because you're
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Speaker 2: going to let the kids decorate the one in the
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Speaker 2: in the family room. Well, nobody sees you're so funny,
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Speaker 2: So when are you going to let them do it?
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Speaker 1: Do you think? Do you think that they'll be too scared?
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Speaker 2: Like I'm actually genuinely I reckon that there's going to
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Speaker 2: be perfectionistic tendencies and they're going to freak out and
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Speaker 2: be like, I can't do it because I can't make
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Speaker 2: it look like Mum's in the other room.
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Speaker 4: Oh really, maybe we'll have to do another episode on that.
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Speaker 2: So is that year I'll do better Tomorrow? You've decided
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Speaker 2: to hand over control of the Christmas tree decorating to
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Speaker 2: the kids.
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Speaker 1: I have I'm impressed.
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Speaker 2: I've been asking for you to do it for about
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Speaker 2: ten years, maybe fifteen years, So I'm impressed we've gotten there.
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Speaker 4: I have to tell you, my hands are starting to
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Speaker 4: get plammy right now just thinking about it. But I'm
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Speaker 4: going to do it because I think it's really important.
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Speaker 2: Put Spotify Christmas playlists on and just let them go
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Speaker 2: go to town, Okay, have fun and don't step in
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Speaker 2: over the top.
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Speaker 1: Just let them do it. It'll be fine. Nobody's a
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Speaker 1: therapy session. Nobody's going to see it.
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Speaker 2: I promise we should take some photos and put them
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Speaker 2: off on the Facebook page.
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Speaker 1: Compare yours to the kids. Hey, yeah, let's talk about.
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Speaker 2: What I'm going to do better tomorrow as a result
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Speaker 2: of what I learned in just a second. It's the
9:48
Speaker 2: Happy Families Podcast.
9:50
Speaker 3: As Screens creating tension at home, tweens, teens and Screens
9:54
Speaker 3: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe super
9:57
Speaker 3: screen solutions. Bye today, Happy Families dot com, dot au,
10:02
Speaker 3: slash shop.
10:03
Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the type or.
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Speaker 1: Parent who just wants answers. Now.
10:07
Speaker 2: My name's doctor Justin Coleslim here with my wife and
10:09
Speaker 2: co host, missus Happy Families, Kylie, and we're talking about
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Speaker 2: the things that we've learned this week to help us
10:14
Speaker 2: to do better tomorrow. I have got a couple of
10:17
Speaker 2: things that I'm going to mention in brief because I
10:21
Speaker 2: can never just do one really. The first is I
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Speaker 2: am loving so Kylie came up with this idea that
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Speaker 2: every single night from the first of December until Christmas Eve,
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Speaker 2: we're gonna watch a Christmas movie. And we are watching
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Speaker 2: one Christmas movie every single day as a family, and
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Speaker 2: it's just so much fun. I hate movies. I hate
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Speaker 2: sitting around on the couch staring at the TV, and yet.
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Speaker 1: I just love this.
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Speaker 2: The kids are so absorbed in it, and I think
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Speaker 2: that we should make this an annual tradition. There are
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Speaker 2: so many Christmas movies. I would not have guessed that
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Speaker 2: there were twenty four really great Christmas movies.
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Speaker 4: Well, I think I've been a little bit bored the
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Speaker 4: last few Christmases, just haven't really gotten end to this
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Speaker 4: spirit of things. And this year I just felt like
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Speaker 4: we needed to revamp things.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: You know what I actually really want to do, though,
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Speaker 2: is it makes me want to go out and do
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Speaker 2: Christmas service and you know, drop off hampers and do
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Speaker 2: kind things to people or with people or four people.
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Speaker 1: It's just been really nice.
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Speaker 2: So in terms of in terms of just highlights and
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Speaker 2: how we can do better tomorrow, I can't wait to
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Speaker 2: watch another Christmas movie.
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Speaker 1: Tonight. You know, it's a wonderful life.
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Speaker 2: I'm so excited for when we get closer to Christmas,
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Speaker 2: even we get to watch that one. It's a Christmas classic.
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Speaker 4: I think we're going to have problems with the kids
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Speaker 4: wanting to watch that one. I know it's your favorite,
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Speaker 4: but honestly.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Mirry Black and watch Merrick one.
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Speaker 2: Thirty fourth Street, and there's just so many gorgeous movies.
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Speaker 2: So anyway, I just wanted to highlight that's something that
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Speaker 2: we've decided to do. And we've got all the Santa
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Speaker 2: Clauses and.
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Speaker 1: I don't home alone. I'm not going to watch all
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Speaker 1: the home alones. I think we can. I reckon we
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Speaker 1: cross three of them off and just watch the first one,
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Speaker 1: and the first is always the best. Anyway.
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Speaker 2: The main thing that I really wanted to highlight for
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Speaker 2: I'll Do Better Tomorrow brief episode which really struck me
12:04
Speaker 2: was we did that episode a couple of weeks ago
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Speaker 2: about how hormones are driving you crazy, and this week
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Speaker 2: we had a hormonal episode and you weren't doing so well.
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Speaker 2: But I watched you do something magical the other night.
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Speaker 2: One of the kids was really getting on your nerves.
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Speaker 1: We were tired and frazzled.
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Speaker 2: There was a lot of pressure, a lot of stress,
12:25
Speaker 2: heaps of stuff going on and our family and our
12:27
Speaker 2: home at the moment, and when it all started to
12:30
Speaker 2: explode or implode, you actually got really short with one
12:33
Speaker 2: of the kids. And I wanted to step in and
12:36
Speaker 2: remind you that we're supposed to have a happy family,
12:37
Speaker 2: were supposed to be nice to each other.
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Speaker 1: But I also was concerned for my safety.
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Speaker 2: So I decided not to Yes to me, no, I'm
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Speaker 2: not because because here's the amazing thing.
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Speaker 1: You did it so well.
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Speaker 2: Within about a minute of you being cranky at one
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Speaker 2: of our kids, you called out to it and brought
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Speaker 2: it back over and you gave her a big hug,
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Speaker 2: and you apologized being cranky.
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Speaker 1: You explained that you weren't.
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Speaker 2: Actually upset with her, You're just really tired and you
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Speaker 2: snapped and you shouldn't have. And the way that you
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Speaker 2: made it right with her, I just I sat there
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Speaker 2: and I thought, this is exactly how it should be.
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Speaker 2: And she melted it into you and she hugged you,
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Speaker 2: and it was just gorgeous, And I thought, wouldn't it
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Speaker 2: be amazing if every time we as parents got it wrong.
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Speaker 2: If we could just reach out to our kids and
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Speaker 2: hold them and say to them, I'm sorry I hurt you,
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Speaker 2: but I really didn't mean to. I'm just not doing
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Speaker 2: so great tonight. Can you give me a hug and
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Speaker 2: I'll give you a kiss, and we'll make it all
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Speaker 2: better and I'll be better tomorrow. I'll do better tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: It was just magic and I was so inspired by it.
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Speaker 1: Thanks, honey, You're welcome. That's what I love about I'll
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Speaker 1: do better tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: It's the goodness that we get to see in our
13:43
Speaker 2: family as we focus on the ways that we can be.
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Speaker 1: Better as parents.
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Speaker 2: So we hope that you've enjoyed this episode of the
13:51
Speaker 2: Happy Families Podcasts. We love getting your feedback. The email
13:55
Speaker 2: addresses podcasts at happyfamilies dot com dot you. What we'd
13:59
Speaker 2: really love to get a voice memo from you. Record
14:02
Speaker 2: a voice memo and send that through to podcasts at
14:04
Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot you. Let us know what
14:06
Speaker 2: you think about the podcast, what you're hearing, what it
14:08
Speaker 2: is doing for you, how it's helping your family. And
14:10
Speaker 2: we'd also love it if you jump onto Apple Podcasts
14:12
Speaker 2: and leave a rating and review, because that's how people
14:14
Speaker 2: find out about the podcast and make their families happier
14:17
Speaker 2: just like you. The Happy Families podcast is produced by
14:21
Speaker 2: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Thank you Justin, and our
14:24
Speaker 2: executive producer is Craig Bruce. If you'd like more information
14:28
Speaker 2: about how we can make your family happier, all you
14:31
Speaker 2: need to do is go to happy families dot com
14:33
Speaker 2: dot au