Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Healing Through Music with Kenyon Dixon

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Healing Through Music with Kenyon Dixon · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor J, a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Black Effect podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: another episode with Just Hell with Doctor J. And I'm
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  Speaker 1: your host, Doctor J. And listen. You can subscribe to
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the Just Heal Doctor J on YouTube, and you can
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: also listen to Jess Here with Doctor J at the
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Black Effect podcast and also on iHeart Podcasts or wherever
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: you listen to podcasts at but listen. Today, we're gonna
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: jump right into it. I want to welcome one of
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  Speaker 1: my favorite R and B artists to the healing community,
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  Speaker 1: my good brother Kenyan Dixon. Listen. If you haven't heard
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: this brother music, go to Apple wherever you listen to music, Spotify,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: go get his album. Listen. This is this brother is
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  Speaker 1: the R and B king to me to me, I'm
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  Speaker 1: not gonna argue with you negroes. So to me to me, man,
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  Speaker 1: my good brother, man, Keny're welcome man. How you doing? Brother? Man? Listen, man, listen, listen.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: You have no idea, man, how honored I am to
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  Speaker 1: sit down and to chop it up with you. Your
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Deluxe Apples is probably one of my favorite RF albums.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody know. I listen to it every day love on replay,
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  Speaker 1: that's my jam. Like I was in the Ober Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I was playing on when I walked in Man. So, uh,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: you know, just just here with doctor j Man is
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  Speaker 1: really a space where I sit down and talk with
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  Speaker 1: individuals about their healing journey, mental health, uh, just a
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  Speaker 1: life journey. And I just want to start with with
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  Speaker 1: with you. As I ask every guest, how are you feeling, brother.
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  Speaker 2: I'm feeling good man, pacing myself. Got a got a
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  Speaker 2: lot going right now, a lot of anticipation for things,
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  Speaker 2: so I know that's an.
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  Speaker 3: Easy anxiety trigger. So I've been super.
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  Speaker 2: Mindful that, just making sure I'm like in the moment
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  Speaker 2: and not feeling like I got a rush, but leaning
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  Speaker 2: into the fact that I'm prepared for all of these
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  Speaker 2: things and that yeah, man, I'm feeling great.
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  Speaker 1: Sons out man, listen, you listen when you hear me,
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  Speaker 1: he was like, Jay, I hope you out here enjoined
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  Speaker 1: this la weather Manie, this is beautiful weather Man. I
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  Speaker 1: love what you said about pace, and I want to
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  Speaker 1: pause right there because pace is not something that a
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  Speaker 1: lot of us know how to do, and particularly for men,
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  Speaker 1: and I'll say for black men, because there is this
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  Speaker 1: anxiety to today there is this pressure to be there's
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  Speaker 1: this pressure to perform and to provide. And I love
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  Speaker 1: what you said is that I'm leaning into being present,
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  Speaker 1: but I'm prepared for everything that's coming. And I think, brother,
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  Speaker 1: that's so powerful because to truly understand what healing is
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  Speaker 1: is also to understand what pace is. Man and you,
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  Speaker 1: as an artist who writes, who produce, who sings and
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  Speaker 1: does all things, how important is paced for you?
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  Speaker 3: Crazy important?
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  Speaker 2: I think, especially as an independent artist, have to throw
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  Speaker 2: that in there because I think that's a whole different
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  Speaker 2: world of artistry and being a creative. But I think
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  Speaker 2: the world of being an independent artist is all about
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  Speaker 2: patience and just timing, and so having to understand that
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  Speaker 2: and truly understanding and I just talk about understanding it,
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  Speaker 2: living it is something that is a huge benefit in
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  Speaker 2: that journey. So I've learned to pace myself and give
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  Speaker 2: myself grace in room to explore and pivot in real time,
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  Speaker 2: because if not, you'll be disappointed pretty often.
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  Speaker 3: I think, even like considering the social factor.
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  Speaker 2: Of it all, we have social media, and every day
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  Speaker 2: we're online, we're looking at finished products of everything.
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  Speaker 3: Nobody's saying the process. So yeah, careful.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's easy to adapt his mindset that you
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  Speaker 2: immediately get to the goal and don't have to do
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  Speaker 2: any work. I think that it's a you know, just
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  Speaker 2: being mindful of pacing and patience.
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  Speaker 1: That's good.
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  Speaker 3: It's extremely that's good.
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  Speaker 1: That's good. And I love how you brought those two together,
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  Speaker 1: I think, and I think they work in tandem because
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  Speaker 1: because on patience, it's it's it's understanding how to wait,
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  Speaker 1: and pace is the rhythm in which you wait. That's real,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And so I love that
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  Speaker 1: part of it. And as an independent artist, how important
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  Speaker 1: is your mental health? Can you?
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  Speaker 3: Extremely important?
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  Speaker 2: Man? We just as a you take on so many
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  Speaker 2: roles as an independent artist that aren't typical for for
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  Speaker 2: most artists. You do so many things as an independent creative.
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  Speaker 2: I won't even make it specific to being an artist,
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  Speaker 2: but just as an entrepreneur or any type of independent creative,
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  Speaker 2: you're you're typically having to do U play a lot
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  Speaker 2: more roles than you would if you had proper resources.
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  Speaker 2: And so I think, uh yeah, just doing everything independently,
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  Speaker 2: you just want to prevent yourself from being overwhelmed, because
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  Speaker 2: I think when you become overwhelmed, You get in the
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  Speaker 2: way of your.
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  Speaker 3: Progress and your process, and you start.
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  Speaker 2: To lose how I talked about preparation earlier. You you
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  Speaker 2: kind of forget that you were prepared for some of
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  Speaker 2: these things. Isn't there all happening at once? I think
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  Speaker 2: it's tough to see them for what they are. Instead,
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  Speaker 2: you just you know, feel like Steph is poberwing man.
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  Speaker 1: Listen, listen you you you're doing a lot of tandem, uh,
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  Speaker 1: you know, dancing with the words. And I love that because, uh, process,
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  Speaker 1: you know, and progress. Man. Again, I think they work
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  Speaker 1: in tandem, right, I mean, because the process is you're in,
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  Speaker 1: you know, the crux of it, and then you have
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  Speaker 1: the progression of it is the flow of it, you know.
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  Speaker 1: And so when when you think about that, and I
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  Speaker 1: would love to stay right there, man, because there's so
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  Speaker 1: many people that are in the creative space that I
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  Speaker 1: have provided therapy for. They're overwhelmed. And they're overwhelmed not
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  Speaker 1: only just by the many hass that they have to wear,
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  Speaker 1: sometimes they're overwhelmed by the gift. Yeah, because sometimes the
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  Speaker 1: gift can feel so heavy, and you have the gift
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  Speaker 1: as a artist knowing what to say, when to say
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  Speaker 1: it and how to say it? What is your process
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  Speaker 1: when you because if I'm and I'm just having a
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  Speaker 1: fan moment. When I listened to Deluxe right and I
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  Speaker 1: listened to that album, that album has such a flow
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  Speaker 1: from the start to finish, what was your process as
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  Speaker 1: you laid the tracks and if you could, what was
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  Speaker 1: your mental state as you were in that process? And
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  Speaker 1: I love listen kid, I love how you're taking these breaths. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: because yeah, I love that bad.
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  Speaker 2: I think with my music in general, I've really, I
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  Speaker 2: finally fully understand and nobody other than God, nobody knows
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  Speaker 2: more about my gift than me because I so I
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  Speaker 2: think when it comes to the music and everything that
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  Speaker 2: I put out, I trust myself and the amount of
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  Speaker 2: time that it takes because I feel like I know
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  Speaker 2: better than anybody else, and I think that that's the
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  Speaker 2: reason why it's effective to other people.
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  Speaker 1: And let me yet interject, how did you learn how
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  Speaker 1: to trust yourself?
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  Speaker 2: Feeling trial and error, just doing things that I thought
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  Speaker 2: worked and sometimes they did, sometimes they they didn't, and
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  Speaker 2: you just kind of take the median of that and
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  Speaker 2: you find your your formula.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, when you found your formula was that healing
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  Speaker 1: for you.
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  Speaker 3: In a way. It gave me a deeper level of understanding.
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  Speaker 2: But it also gives you a deeper sense of purpose,
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  Speaker 2: which then as more responsibility on top of what you doing.
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  Speaker 1: Ooh man, because everybody is always looking for purpose, but
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  Speaker 1: nobody realized the responsibility that comes with purpose. It's heavy
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  Speaker 1: because the responsibility to not just work in it and
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  Speaker 1: operate it, but it's to sustain it. Yeah, And I'm
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  Speaker 1: gonna just let that sit as to how do you
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  Speaker 1: sustain purpose when it's heavy? And I couldn't imagine as
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  Speaker 1: an artist, And I know I've written four books and
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  Speaker 1: currently writing the fifth one, and I look at it
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  Speaker 1: the same thing, because to be able to create art
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  Speaker 1: from words and to take the words of your art
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  Speaker 1: and to create songs, that responsibility. At times scenes waited
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  Speaker 1: because it's like, dang, I got to write something else. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I got to put out another album. Do you ever
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  Speaker 1: feel that pressure?
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  Speaker 3: I do. I do feel that, especially.
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  Speaker 2: When you get a certain type of reception to what
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  Speaker 2: you're putting out. And I think the type of music
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  Speaker 2: I make is there's a like a longing for it.
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  Speaker 2: It's not it's not what's popular.
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  Speaker 3: In the space.
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  Speaker 2: So I think there's an extra layer of pressure there
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  Speaker 2: because people are always waiting for that because they don't
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  Speaker 2: they don't get you from anybody else, you know what
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  Speaker 2: I mean. So that does, yeah, that that can become
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  Speaker 2: become pretty stressful. But again in those moments, I just
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  Speaker 2: lean back into understanding that the reason is so effective
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  Speaker 2: is because I trust myself and I don't.
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  Speaker 3: Rust my process.
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  Speaker 1: And man, Man, even as you're sitting here, I sense
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  Speaker 1: this element of ease that a lot of brothers don't have.
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  Speaker 1: I've set with many brothers and you can feel the weight.
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  Speaker 1: You can feel the anxiety. You can also feel the
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  Speaker 1: fear and not saying fear as they're afraid of us,
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  Speaker 1: but you can feel the fear of like, man, I
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  Speaker 1: don't know what's going to happen with my life. I
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: don't know what life is going to bring. And then
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  Speaker 1: sometimes you can also feel the confusion because brothers haven't
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  Speaker 1: discovered their purpose and they haven't discovered the responsibility that
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  Speaker 1: we have with carrying the weight of what God has
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  Speaker 1: placed on us. And I think that it's so powerful
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  Speaker 1: because for so many men. This is why I created
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  Speaker 1: this space so brothers can see you and because oftentimes
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  Speaker 1: we're looking at the artists, we're looking at the actor,
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  Speaker 1: we're looking at the CEO, and we don't get to
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  Speaker 1: have these conversations with them of what their process is
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  Speaker 1: because we're seeing a finished product.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Now I follow you on ig and you express a
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  Speaker 1: lot through your your clothes, your fashion, your daughter, all
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  Speaker 1: those different things. And I can tell there's days where
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  Speaker 1: because and that's just who I am. I could tell
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  Speaker 1: days you just like man, I'm just posing because it's
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  Speaker 1: just what I got to do, you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 1: It's just part of the in the same way with me.
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  Speaker 1: When you when you take the social media, what is
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  Speaker 1: your approach as an artist to sort of safeguard your mental.
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  Speaker 2: I really look at social media for what it is,
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  Speaker 2: which is just a tool to promote in showcase your art.
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  Speaker 2: I think I'm disassociated from it being like real life.
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  Speaker 2: It's just it's literally just a promotional too. And so
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  Speaker 2: I think when you understand that it helps. Where's where
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  Speaker 2: you have to guard yourself though, is considering how anything
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: could be triggering. As soon as you open it up.
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  Speaker 2: You don't know what you're going to see. Man, you
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  Speaker 2: have no come over that, and it could literally be
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  Speaker 2: the one thing that you were hoping that you didn't
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  Speaker 2: see that day that could you spiral, you know. So
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  Speaker 2: I'm just uh, I've kind of created this boundary between
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  Speaker 2: social media to where you know, I share what I
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  Speaker 2: want to.
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  Speaker 3: Share and you can.
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  Speaker 2: You can be exposed to things and not like digest
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  Speaker 2: it and take it in. And I think that that's
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  Speaker 2: something that I've started to understand. Everything you see doesn't
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  Speaker 2: require energy. Sometimes you just keep scrolling. And that's also
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  Speaker 2: like applicable in life though exactly, Like you know, you
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  Speaker 2: encounter a lot of people in a lot of situations
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  Speaker 2: that just.
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  Speaker 3: Out of.
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  Speaker 2: Out of religion almost you feel like you have to
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  Speaker 2: engage and you don't. And that's something that that I've
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  Speaker 2: learned when it comes to social media that has helped
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  Speaker 2: me keep my mental health intact.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and particularly like because like and I've even noticed
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  Speaker 1: for you you showcase your daughter in certain moments.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, man, there are a lot of like crazy people
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  Speaker 2: out here, and so yeah, when it comes to just
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  Speaker 2: your children and like like social media, social media is
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  Speaker 2: not parenting my child.
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  Speaker 3: So I think that that that's also.
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  Speaker 2: We live in a you know, society where people love input,
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  Speaker 2: they love to feel like they have influence over things.
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  Speaker 3: It doesn't reach into my household.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm very mindful to make sure that this for
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  Speaker 2: her is also just a tool or something that's fun
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  Speaker 2: if she decides to engage with it, but it has
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  Speaker 2: no influence in.
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  Speaker 3: Our you know, real life.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's and it's profound to hear a black father,
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  Speaker 1: black man, and a man of your caliber to say
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  Speaker 1: social media is not parenting my child. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Man, I know it's a popular opinion, but.
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  Speaker 1: It needs to be popular though.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. I agree, man, Yeah, and I have I have
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  Speaker 3: a great uh.
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  Speaker 2: Village of like my brotherhood is strong with my you know,
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  Speaker 2: all my my bros, our fathers, we kind of all
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  Speaker 2: adapt that same mindset. So it's kind of easy to
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  Speaker 2: uphold in my circle because you know, we all are
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  Speaker 2: actively taking care of our kids and making sure that
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  Speaker 2: they're experiencing like an actual reality and not just like
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  Speaker 2: augmented experience based on what happens online.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Man, that's powerful.
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  Speaker 3: And and.
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  Speaker 1: Your brotherhood how important is that for you? I know,
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  Speaker 1: for men man, my brothers, that's everything. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: It saves my life, man, we talk about it all
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  Speaker 2: the time. But I'm grateful to have have the men
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  Speaker 2: in my life that I have and the brotherhood that
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: we have. Because there's one thing I learned about accountability
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: is that you you have different you have to have
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: different levels of it. And to be a man, you
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: also have to have that mirror and people who can
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: see you and meet you where exactly where you are,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: you know, And so that has been a lifesaver. Things
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: that you know, just as an artist, uh, you know online,
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  Speaker 2: Like I said, I've I've learned to disassociate myself from it.
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  Speaker 2: But online is a tough space for creatives. You have
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: so many unwarranted opinions and just things that come from
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: bad places for no reason. And so any I we
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: kind of just send stuff back and forth. And there
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: for sure been times where I may have wanted to
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: respond to something or like, you know what I mean,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: you just hit the chat.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: Get it out there. Yeah, keep you from yeah, you know,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: from just saying some stuff you might great. So yeah,
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  Speaker 3: I'm grateful for it.
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  Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, because because sometimes what I say is for
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  Speaker 1: us as brothers, it is being able to look to
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  Speaker 1: the side of you and know that there's somebody standing
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  Speaker 1: next to you. Because for us as men and when
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: we're building. We build shoulder to shoulder, not face to face.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: So when I can stand shoulder to shoulder with you,
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  Speaker 1: I am now taking the responsibility to guard the side
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: that I'm standing on. And I think the more men
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: have that, we're going to see men expand emotionally because
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I can always tell a brother who don't have a
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: lot of friends, like when I when I when I
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: hear dudes like nigga, it's just me, you know what
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Bro, Like I don't deal with nobody. Bro,
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  Speaker 1: It's just me. I solo yolo, And I'm like, you
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: won't be here for low. Get somebody man like you
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: like you. You got to have somebody. You need community
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: for the brothers that are watching, Brother, you need community.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: The worst place for a man to be left is
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: left alone with his thoughts. Because if your thoughts are unhealthy,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: your thoughts of unproductive, and your thoughts are not moving
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: you toward something greater than yourself, You're gonna find yourself
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: succumbing to those thoughts. Yeah, you know, And I loved
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: that for you. Just as as a father and as
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: a brother, I want to ask you this, as a
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: father who has a daughter, how has that changed you
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: as a man a lot.
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  Speaker 2: It has changed me a lot, man. I didn't realize
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: it until I was like in the thick of parenting.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize how much it healed me as well.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I lost my father like early on, and my mother
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: raised six of us who were in the house together
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  Speaker 2: by herself. And so I think you don't realize, and
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: you know, part of it may be ego, every man
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: would like to think that he has the tools to
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: figure out whatever he needs to without consulting anybody else,
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  Speaker 2: So you don't realize how that lack of a father
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: figure affects you. For me, I didn't realize it until
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  Speaker 2: I started parenting, because I thought, you know, I'm pretty
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: level headed, and you know, I know how to listen
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: and you know, exchange correctly. And I started to recognize
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: a lot of just things I would seeing her just
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: started to like bring back different instances and feelings that
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I had as a child, And by being able to
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: guard and work her through her feelings correctly, it was
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: it was like healing for me because I was able
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: to explore those parts that I didn't really know existed,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: or at least that I thought I had worked through
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: and yeah, really confront them and figure out what was
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: happening through me being the father I desired for her.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it really good a lot.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes there are parts of us that are unconsciously exhibiting,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: parts that are unhealed. And sometimes I tell parents, sometimes
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: you get healed through the children. Yeah, a lot of times,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And the children now become
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: a conduit to where they're bringing healing. The healing is
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: coming through them to you. That's also restoring the little boy,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: the little girl, you know in those spaces and the
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: moment that you recognize that there were parts of you
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: being healed through your daughter, what was that like? Man?
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: It was an incredible feeling. It also goes back into
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: that space of responsibility because then it made me become
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: like hyper conscious of everything I did. And you know,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: having a little girl and she's extremely into what is
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: and also like very sensitive and just it it made
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: me be intentional about my every interaction with her because
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: I think I've I begin to understand that I'm beginning
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: to understand.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: That she's she's just like.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Wise beyond her years, beyond her years, but in a
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: way to where like you think about a child, and
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: sometimes you talk to them or you communicate in a
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: way that because you think they don't understand you're just
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: a child. And I'm starting to realize now that she
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: understands a lot more than I thought.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it pulls us out as Google guys, guy
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: like you know, yeah, yeah, that is some way. It
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: kind of increase your own awareness and self.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, it spreads for sure and kind of
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: triggers all of the rest of your interactions. Because that
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: has made me mindful, I'll say the reason it has
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: made me mindful and the reason it triggers your interactions
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: because when you're an active parent, that is your constant.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: So I think wherever you are practicing who you are
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: that is gonna change, and it should affect how you
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: communicate with other people. So because I brought clarity to
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: the way that I communicated and interacted with her, naturally,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: it made me be hyper aware when I'm talking to
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: other people, and I listened differently and I paid attention
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: differently because I think also children, because by nature, there's
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: a lot of stuff that they don't understand and they
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: don't have the same reasoning behind their actions. But that
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: made me now when I talk to adults, or I
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: see certain things that even may be offensive, My first
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: thought instead of speaking is now to try and understand,
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: like why why do I think you did that? Or
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: like what's the pattern here? You know that I can
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: pick up answer yeah.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: And I think that there's a level of consciousness that
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: comes from you know, I have three nieces and two
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: nephews and what I've learned from being around them, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: they're very aware of what I do and their uncle. Like,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: if you ask them, what is your aful do they'd
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, he heals people, you know, But then
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: they'll be quick to tell you. My niece said kids
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: will come up to her and start talking about their problem.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: She'd be like, I'm not your therapist. Might need to
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: call it my uncle. Yeah, but there's a level of
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: awareness that I think if more adults could lean into
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: not just the children, but the inner child in them,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: it also awakened. As you said, there's some triggering, because
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: there would be some triggers because if you're giving something
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: to your daughter or son that you didn't have, there's
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: also parts of you that are more the absence of man.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I'm being a dad who's present and my dad left me,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: or I'm being a mom who's present and my mom
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: never was emotionally available, And I think, you know, if
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: we can lean into those spaces with children. Like when
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I started practicing, I only wanted to work with children
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: and teens. And all of my classmates and colleagues was like, well,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: why do you want to work with teens? I said,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: my understanding. My theory that if you work with teens
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: and work with kids, you can quickly identify the kids
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and adults because most adults are just big kids that
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: are having a crisis or a temperatantrum. That's what it is.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Because when they come in and they sit down on
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: the couch, Man, I'm sitting down with a couple. It's
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: not the couple. It's the two kids that are fighting.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: But it's the adults that are having a disagreement. But
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: it's the kids who are having the issue. Because when
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: you leave or you say hey, I can't take this conversation,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: the more the little kid says, oh, they're gonna leave
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: and feel abandoned.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: But and because the little kids are always trying to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: protect themselves, you know which we get fight or flight.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: But I love, man, your level of awareness and just
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: even how you're speaking about how your daughter has elevated
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: that for you. Now I gotta ask you, know, you
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: brought R and B back, brother, You say that, man,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you brought R and B back because you resuscitated us
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: because it was dead. When it comes to like, you know,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: dating love, like you know, having a daughter, how do
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: you balance that or even if you are I know,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: for me, o'ur disclosed. I feel like as a man,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: the more we expand emotionally, it becomes harder to date
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: because you begin to disern and I'm sure some of
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: you guys, some of you lady's probably gonna, you know,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: gonna have to you know, clutch your pearls. But you
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: begin to desern that a lot of women are not
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: as emotionally evolved as they think they are. They have
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: just been dealing with men who are emotionally incompetent. So
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: when I meet a brother like you just sat here,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: you just tandem you what you talked about, uh, patience
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: and process. Then you talk about process and progress or
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: patient and pace. That's what it was. Yeah, that's not normal.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: They used to do like you know what I'm saying,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Like you know, like like what the vibe for the night,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: dud Dude? How was that for you? Man?
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: It's been cool.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Man. I think I'm gonna I'm in a space of
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: just enjoying myself. I think that's that's another thing having
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: having uh children teaches you to just be president and
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: live in a moment. And I think, uh, you know,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: in dating, whether it's you know, even if you're in
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: a relationship, I think there's still space for living in
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: a moment.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, I think.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: It's it's a it can be a tough space to
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: navigate because I think that everybody has a different level
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: of awareness and different intentions. And I always say I
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: think people people no longer want to take the time
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: to get to know somebody. What we talked about. When
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: it comes to process, nobody wants that process. We want
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: to go straight to whatever the goal is, whatever the
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: culture is that we have in our head. We tend
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: to disregard the things that we see from people that
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: disqualify them from what we want because we want that
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: thing so bad that we're not willing to pivot in
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: real time when it's you know, And there's two sides
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: to that, because sometimes what you want is not necessarily
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: specifically what's best for you, so you may have room
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: to be accepting of some different behaviors that may challenge
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: you in a good way to want.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: Better for yourself exactly.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: So, Yeah, I think just being open opening in that moment,
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: and I want to be as open and honest and
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: loving and understanding as possible, because I'm also having to
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: teach a child what to expect when they get into
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: this space. And so I think being my healthiest self
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: in all of these spaces, but especially a space that
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: essential around love is important because you know the people
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: around you are very impressionable, especially children.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: That you're rasing.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's such an innocence with children that we
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: have to really provide a level of care and protect
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: and guard. Yeah, because most of us, if we're dealing
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: with trauma, it's because our innocence what's compromises. And and
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I love that you are guarding that in such a
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: way to where you're allowing her to see the reality
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: of life and also the reality of you as a man.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I always ask every guest it's Kenyan. The show is
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: titled just Here with Doctor J and this question. I
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: love to see the response of people when I ask
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: this question, and I'll asks it to you. What does
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: healing means to you?
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: What does healing mean? That's a layer.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: It's layer because I don't feel like there is like
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: a standing definition, because I think healing has to be
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: adaptable as you change, so it really depends on It's
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: a like an ever moving goal and you can't really
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: hit it as long as you're alive because there's always
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: something that you're having to work through.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: But I think.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: In theory, healing is really finding our art, getting back
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: to your yourself, whatever that may mean to you. And
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: and that's why I say I think it's it's not
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: like one definition because somebody's definition of healing could be
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: completely left based.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: On what they what they desire, you know what I'm saying.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: But I think healing may if if we look at
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: it from a spiritual perspective.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: I think it's just getting back to.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Who who God says you are, because I think there's
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: who you think you are, and then there's who you're
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: actually called to be that you've been since you've existed,
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: and so I think it.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: May be a matter of just finding that that innocence again.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: At what I'm hearing you it said. What I'm hearing
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: you say is that healing is really getting back to
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: the place before you experienced pain.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: It's a good way to put it.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's not it's not it's
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: not a linear it's not a linear process. A lot of
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: a lot of curve balls, man. But yeah, I think
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: I will say that that's what it is because you
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: really do spend your it's really getting to be more specific,
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: it's getting back to yourself before you understood choice.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Because I believe that choices for life all became complicated.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Should work.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, y'all.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I heard a I overheard a guy
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: talking like it's may been like years ago, and I
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: was just intrigued. He was talking about how he was
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: kind of making a comparison from like humans to like
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: animals in the way of they only know their purpose.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: So he's like a bird just nose to fly that
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: on second gas anything Like a he knows to go
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: get the honey and like but as humans, we've developed choice,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: so now we have these obstacles that were not meant
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: to be in our way because we always wonder if
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: there's something else we should be doing, or like you know.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: So I think healing speaks to getting back to that
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: place like pre choice and just pre you know, pre
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: complication and just being able to be free.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Man. I love that healing is just being able to
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: be free, my brother. I could sit here man and
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: man and just bro converse with you. Man. Brother, I
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: just want to say, Man, thank you for not just
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: your gift, but thank you for who you are as
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: a person.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: I appreciate for what you.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Put out into the world. It's just an extension that
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: you get to that we get to experience you through
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: your music. But today I just got to experience the man.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say, brother, from the bottom
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: of heart, thank you for taking out the time man too,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: to come to the healing community. Man, and for us, Man,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: there isn't a designated place. We just pull up anywhere. Yeah,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: wherever were at. It's the community, you know what I mean.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: So Brother, I just want to wish Man you much
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: success and that God keeps his hand on your journey,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: keeps his hand on you, and that everything you touched
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: prosper man. And that's my prayer for you. Brother. Sure, yes, absolutely, Man.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Listen y'all y'all know, like I hate to cut these
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: conversations short. I hear so many of you are saying, like,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Doctor J, can you make these interviews longer? Talk to
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: a cursion my producer. I'm trying to push him and
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: make them longer, but he's sitting over here doing this
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: and doing all that. But anyway, we got to get
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: my good brother Kenyon out of here. Listen, go follow
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Kenyon Dixon, Go grab all of his album, his music.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: This brother here is R and B. That's all I'm
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: gonna say. He's R and B man. I mean he eats,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: breathe sleep, R and B. His presence is R and B.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I mean this guy's love man. And I just enjoyed
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: my time spending with him today. I just want to
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: encourage you. Go and subscribe. Don't just come to the
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: healing community, be a part of it. Subscribe to Just
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Here with Doctor J. And don't forget that you can
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: listen to this audibly on the Black Effect Podcast and
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: iHeart Podcast as well. And until next time, remember, healing
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: is a journey and wholeness is the destination. Just Here
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: with Doctor J a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio, app, Apple podcasts,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: can follow me at King J Barnett on Instagram and
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: x and follow us on YouTube Just Heal Doctor J.