Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Becoming a Male Lion with Haley Lu Richardson

Transcript

Becoming a Male Lion with Haley Lu Richardson · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: on sale. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: will be starting debuting my new material in February of
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: next year, So I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June. Those are
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: the cities that I'm in, So go get your tickets
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: now if you want good seats and you want to
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: come see me perform, I will be on the High
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and Mighty Tour. Hi Catherine, Hello Chelsea. I am fresh
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: off of Vegas. I came in a car service I
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: was supposed to. My flight was redirected here. No, no,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I did not drive here. I was in Vegas. I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: forgot to leave Vegas immediately after my show. So I
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: went to go see Alanis last night. So yes, So
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I went to Vegas for my show, my residency. I
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: do what I do every time I have my show.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I had, like, you know, fifteen friends came out.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: We go.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: When we gamble, I supply the money for everyone to gamble.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Everyone lost my money. Oh, every single person lost, myself included,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you guys are bad juju Like whatever, fine,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: it's no problem. That's that money was there to lose.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: That's right. I haven't allotment that I'd never spend over.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I only take out twenty five hundred dollars and I
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: give it to everyone and then I don't ever take
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: out more. So then the next night we went to
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: see Alanis, and right as as soon as the show
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: is rapping, they all wanted to go out, and I say,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I have to go win back the money you guys
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: all lost of mine last night. Have fun. So I went.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I had no money left because it was gone. So
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I sat down at a table and looked at the
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: guy next to me and said, I need to borrow
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  Speaker 1: a thousand dollars and I will pay you right back.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: And he was like sure, and I won right away.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I paid him back a thousand, and then I won
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: my three thousand back, and as soon as I did,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I went upstairs and went to sleep.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I gotta say, you just like to decide you're going
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: to win your money back and then it happens like
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I've seen it in action.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I know, I like it. It's karmicle because
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not being greedy. I just want everyone to have
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: a good time, and I want to break even, break
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: even exactly. That's what women can teach men, to not
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: be so avaricious, to just be happy with what you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: have and be grateful exactly. I mean, that's not true.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not grateful. I mean, you know what I mean.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I am grateful, but I'm not grateful enough for all
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the things I have. I have to remind myself to
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: be grateful.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: That's why you have the gratitude journal.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude, gratitude, keep saying it, say it
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: all day long.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm grateful for our guest today.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: She's very cute. Oh my god, she's the cutest. I
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: love her. I really like Raisar Spirit. She yes, yes,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: this is such a fun interview. You'll know her from
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: The White Lotus probably, and she's in a lot of
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: other stuff, but that's how I was introduced to her.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And she's just a little buttercup and we I mean,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: she's now living in Arizona, so that's the only questionable
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: decision of hers that I have a problem with. But
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: no offense to Arizona. But there's no reason to live there,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: you know. And she has a cute book called I'm
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Sad and Horny, which is a great title. Yeah, so yes,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: welcome Haley Lou Richardson. Hi, Haley Lou, how are you?
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I'm a breath of fresh air. That's nice. That's what
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you are, fresh air.
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  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: Imagine if someone's just like, how are you today, and
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: you're like, I'm a breath of fresh air.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: But it's nice to hear. Thanks. Yeah, do you feel
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: like a breath of fresh air?
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm trying to think if I feel that way today.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I think you have to feel that way today, because.
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: Sink I'm a breath of air. Yeah, I don't know
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: if it's fresh today. It's like I'm breathing.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So yeah. Sometimes, you know, when I'm walking through the world,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can definitely lift other people up,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: What I mean.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Like some there are days where I'm like, oh I can.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: There are days where I'm like, oh I can infuse
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: that person, like even a stranger, with like happiness and
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: just spread joy. And then when I'm in a shitty
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: mood or a bad mood, I'm like, I hope no
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  Speaker 1: one makes eye contact with me and catches what I'm
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: traveling around with. Yeah, I know what I mean, I
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: know it's spread. Yeah, it's like that.
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: The best thing you can do on those types of
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: days is not spread whatever.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Negativity you have, like maybe just hermit at home.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just like just like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I do. I usually it involves a xanax and an edible.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I like to pair those two things together just to
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: take it down, and so that way, I'm almost I
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: have to numb out, Like if I'm in that state,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I just have to numb out because otherwise I become
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: it like hysterical and I just want then and there's
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: like a feeling of rage.
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, crafts help me. I don't know if you're into crafts,
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: but crafts are like mind like beating, crocheting, and like
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: making fridge magnets. Like I don't know if maybe it's
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: like something about resorting to your inner child that like,
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: but maybe try xanax an edible and a fridge.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Magnet making and making a bracelet and making a bracelet.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I was reading through your new book of poetry.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Haley Lou has a new book of poetry called I'm
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Sad and Horny, which is a great fucking title. It's
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: a great title for a tour. I'm sorry that you
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: took it, although I could probably still use it, but
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I won't. And which is a surprise, because we know
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: you your your most famous role, not your only role.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: You've been in tons of stuff, but your most sweat
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: that that's very welcome here. It was a whole bit
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: of like a tear. My rapids were crying, your armpits
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: were crying. Yeah, I'm really that sad. Yeah, and that horne.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: How you are?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're most well known from playing Porscha on White Lotus.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: That was a huge role for you. I know you've
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: been in tons of stuff. You were in a you
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: were in unpregnant, you were I mean, there's a whole
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: litany of you've been acting since you were a kid.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: But everyone found out about you during White Lotus. So
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: you're coming out with this book of poetry, which is
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: very unexpected. I would never have expected that from anyone, really,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: so I think, yeah, guessing people on their tone? Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: and so can I just read one of the poems
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: out loud or would you prefer to read it?
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  Speaker 4: No?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Please? Do you want to have it regularly? I'm okay,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: because there's lots of art too in this. I'm going
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: to pick one of the ones at the top because
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't like there was all. There's beautiful artwork in this.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you my friend Lily. Yeah, shout out to your
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: friend Lily. Okay, this one's called New Place Alone in
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  Speaker 1: South Africa. Put my underwear in a drawer and bought
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: some throw pillows. Maybe it'll finally feel like home. It
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: never felt like one when we were together. Now I
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: want to take your last name and fall asleep to
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: the sound of your deviated septum. The Mandela effect or
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: am I a spoiled brat. I know myself deeper than that.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: To be alone in South Africa is better than being
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: lonely with you. That's really cool.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I liked it better.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: That's cool. So that poem is about it sounds like
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: it's about a breakup. It sounds like it sounds like
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: it sounds like.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: You moved to South Africa under a breakup. But I
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: was living in South Africa for a movie. And yeah,
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: I mean, it's it's kind of self explanatory. It's interesting
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: because that one is about to me personally, multiple relationships
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  Speaker 5: and just like this journey of like accepting just like
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: actually being on your own baha.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that was cool hearing you read it.
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  Speaker 5: Well.
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  Speaker 2: I think that we have a lot of people who
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: call in and write in with similar questions to that,
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: where it's like they're afraid of being alone. And I
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: mean they might be like thirty two and they're like,
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: and if I leave this relationship, I'll be alone forever,
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  Speaker 2: and it's like.
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  Speaker 3: First of all, not likely true.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Actually, it's better to be alone and be with yourself
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: than be in a relationship where you're lonely, where.
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: You're feeling lonely with that with someone else is like
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: the most empty feeling in the world, and being feeling
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: lonely on your own is actually okay, Like it's actually
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: proving to be not super awful all the time.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: It's awful sometimes, but I like it a lot of
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, and I think, I mean this book
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: you kind of covers the transition I think from your
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: twenties to your thirties, right for sure, like a comprehensive.
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: Well, I mean I just turned thirty, so it's not
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: like I.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Moving into thirties. So from your twenties moving into your thirties,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: which is a really integral part of like becoming a woman,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: you know, Like I didn't really feel like a woman
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: until I turned fifty this year. Wow, Like now I
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: feel like a woman, but like, oh god, who like
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: a lion? Yeah, like a lioness. Actually no, I feel
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: like a male lion.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah that is fine. I can't wait to get there.
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I like, I don't feel like a woman,
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: I feel like a woman.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Feel like I'm excited to feel like a male lion.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: And do you feel like do you feel like a
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: woman or do you feel like a girl? Do you
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: feel you feel like a woman okay, that's good. Yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I feel like a not a woman, right, but a woman.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah I do, and that's yeah I do. I mean
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I think what is so underappreciated or so we don't
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: speak enough about it in like the female space is,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: and men of course don't want to talk about it
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: because men don't want us to be alone, you know,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: they want us to pair up with them. But the
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: value of spending time by yourself, the value of going
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: through breakups, reflecting about back on them, understanding that you survived,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: that you're okay, that you're gonna do that no matter
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: what happens, you will overcome it, unless you're diagnosed with
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: some of your She's super horny right now. She's do
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: you need a tissue? Do we need a tissue for
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: a hand?
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: She's everyone from my pit It's okay, okay, but that's
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: what it is.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not hot. Did you have coffee? I find
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: coffee makes me.
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: But you know what, I will thank you so much.
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: I think it's truly because of my deodorant I use,
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: Like it's not it's a deodorant, it's not an anti persper,
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: and so like my sweat smells good, but it's just
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: like it almost makes me more wet.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Ye are you using organic deodorant? Because I don't. I know,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: it doesn't, it doesn't.
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: I just don't want whatever, what is it the setting
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: it anyway?
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know I might as well just surrender.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I might as well, you know, with all this organic stuff.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: It's like, that's a great idea if my whole life
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: was cleaned out by some sort of organic you know,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Buddha or some sort of shaman that was going to
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: come in and clean out my whole house.
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: But that's kind of impossible because we live in this
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: world at this time, and it's like, yeah, we do.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've just learned to accept it.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: Right, Like what else can we do? It's like okay, okay,
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: keep it ranic.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I'll try. I'll get some dove. I'll try one step
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: at a time. So back to your womanhood. Yeah, So
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: because you were in a long relationship. You were in
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: a seven year relationship right at one point. This was
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: you broke up a long time ago from that, I think,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: but you were in a seven year relationship in which
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: you thought, as many young people in their twenties thing,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: that you're gonna be with the person that you love
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: like that forever.
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it was all I saw in my life was
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: just this person for the rest of it. Like I
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: actually never even went to the place where I would
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: be like, but what if it doesn't work? I just
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: never from the second I met him, I never I
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: never went there. I was like, always, this is my
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: person and this is the rest of my life.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: And how did you deal with that breakup? Being dealt information?
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Which is okay, now, this is not what you had
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to you know, had planned, you know. I think I
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: dealt with it the best I could. I dealt with it.
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: I dealt with it, which is important, Yeah, you know,
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: And it was like obviously, uh like up and down
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: roller coaster journey.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I think that was We're coming up on like almost
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: five years since that breakup.
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: And there's been a lot of like realization since then,
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: like a lot of aha moments, and obviously the like
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: it's felt lonely and painful and confusing and all of
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: the feelings to be able to get to the different
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: aha moments, But like I do feel like I've let
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: him go and let that like dream of that future
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: go at this point when I was five years later,
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: which was pretty.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Cool and do you feel stronger because of the breakup?
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do feel I feel stronger, and I feel
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: like I've always had some level of connection to myself
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: and love for myself. Sometimes it's felt deeper down than
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: other times, but like it's gotten that tethered, Like myself
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: has gotten so much stronger, which in turn, I think
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: makes you stronger, made me stronger. So yeah, actually, I
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: know this sounds super dumb and cliche, but like, I'm
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: really happy it happened.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: But that's I think. That's that's the point I'm trying
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: to make to all of our listeners is that you know,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: when you do break up, and we have these ideas
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and we have these attachments to outcomes, not even to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: the person necessarily, but to the outcome of the situation.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: It's like if you knew if you weren't looking at
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a relationship and you were just looking at like a
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: math equation, and you're like, okay, two plus two, Okay,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: break a relationship plus a breakup is going to equal this. Yeah,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: meaning you're going to get stronger, you're going to get wiser,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: you're going to get closer to yourself. These are all
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: the things that are going to happen because of this heartbreak.
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and the journey of the heartbreak is so nonlinear
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: that and sometimes feels impossible and pitiful and just hopeless.
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: That It's like it is when you're in that position
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: in the low times, it seems impossible to believe that equation.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: But you know what I did last night, actually that
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: is on this topic.
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: I journal a lot, which is where a lot of
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: my poetry comes from.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And you can write everything, and I handwrite.
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I love handwriting because I feel like, like when
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: I'm angry, like my writing's angry when I'm like feeling grounded.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: My writing is beautiful when I'm and.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: Like it's just just a cool cathartic expression. But every
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: time I finish a journal, I have this like ritual
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: where I go through it and I kind of read
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: back what I was writing about and experiencing, and then
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: I rip up the pages. Sometimes I burn them. Sometimes
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: I flush them down the toilet, throw it all away,
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: and it's like a light sage. It's like a whole
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: like thing to cleanse from that. And last night I
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: finished a journal and I went through it, and I
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: was reading the things at the beginning of my journal
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: and you know, my current.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Kind of things that I'm like a heartbreak journey that
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I'm on.
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: I'm like I was having all these same thoughts that
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: kind of reoccur that I feel now, but I was
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: having so much more of them and they were so
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: much more like hysterical and had like a stronger hold
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: on me than they do now. Just like nice to
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: see like even though I'm still feeling these things and
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: having these thoughts, like there's been a growth.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Well, and I like what you say about going through it,
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: because that is a choice.
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: You can choose to like do the work journal, go
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: to therapy, cry about it whatever, or you can choose
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: to like distract yourself just jump into another relationship. Like
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: it is an act of choice to decide to deal
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: with the feelings as they come up, and.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Also to blame, like to blame the X or you know,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: so many people can do that, whether you're you know,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: you know, it's not about just being a woman. Men
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: can do that too, Like, it doesn't matter whose fault
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: it is when something's over, it matters how you pick
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: yourself back up, Like that's the most important thing is
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: how you are going to restore your energy, your faith
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: in yourself and how you're going to provide for yourself,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Like it's not about other people coming in to see,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: it's about you saving yourself. And I think that's something
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: that we always forget, you know, like we always forget
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: you want to be like, well, he's an asshole, and
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: even your friends will be like he's I can't believe
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: he's strung you along like that, or he's he's garbage.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's not about him, and it doesn't help
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: to have that energy towards anyone.
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: Anyway, although I will say I think that that is
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: sometimes a necessary phase of the getting too definitely, you know,
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: like it's it's not the end goal, and it's not
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: the core of what's happening, right, it's everyone's you know,
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: trying their best.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Trying their best. I don't know.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: The thing is like it's actually sad. I'm kind of feeling.
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: And look, maybe when I'm a male lion I will
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: have a different perspective, but I'm kind of feeling right
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: now in my life like everyone is trying their best,
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: and even the really shittiest of the shitty, like awful,
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: vile people of the world, Like it's actually sad. To
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: realize is that because of whatever their circumstance.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: That is that a service like the best.
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: It's kind of heartbreaking to to realize that, but it
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: also is almost like a relief, and it also is
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: it makes it easier to kind of have empathy for
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: myself that like even in my past, so when I've
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: handled things now not the way I would handle it
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: now or not the way like even now I handle
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: things Like I sent a text last week and my
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: therapist was like, now, what would you rate that text?
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: Like what grade would you give that text?
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, probably a B minus. She was like, hmm, interesting.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: But it's like, but you know, in that moment, I
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: was trying my.
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: Bet, like I literally could not have done better in
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: that moment, and I'm trying to learn from how if
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: that type of moment comes up next time, maybe my
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: best would be better.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I think in those moments, if you're in a B
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: minus mood, don't send the tex. You don't send the text.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: You're like, I have to wait for my mood to
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: get back to recalibrate.
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: BE minus is a passing grade, like I was like,
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: I feel like this is better to do it and
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: act upon then to well, we didn't ignore her, but
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: B minus is it's not the thing. This is what's
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: cool is that three years ago, if I was.
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: In this exact same position, I would have done something
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: that was like an f.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Right like so you know improvement.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: I like to think that at all times I am
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: doing the best I can in the moment. And if
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: I'm doing that, then that's how we all are, no
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: matter what our predisposition is that the right word?
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and your personality. I'm going to read another poem
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: that I want to share with our audience. Okay, I
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: like this, Chelsea.
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: It's excited to read to each other a lot on
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: this show.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: About books a lot on this show, and you read
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: It sounds like I want to ask you because you
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: recently poem. I don't know how long ago this was,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: but posted like a very cute thirst trap with a
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Brandon Sanderson novel.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, are you like.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I've ever posted? I was like, is this born?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: My friends were like do it?
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: So?
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Are you loving those books? Did you get through? Because
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I'm sort of toying with reading. It's like a sack
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: of books that's like as tall as a person.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: The way of Kings.
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: I haven't gotten. To be honest with you, I haven't.
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: I then got distracted and got into more Cord of
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: Thorns and Roses books, but I have read probably like
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: ten Brandon san have you read any.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: Of rand I haven't read any because I'm like, if
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I read one, I'm probably gonna to read that.
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: That's the I would start with the miss Born trilogy.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: Those are actually my three favorite books of all Tage
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: What kind.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Of genre is? It's fantasy.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: It's like pure fantasy, like world building, but it's also
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: like the way that Brandon Sanderson writes. It's not like
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: it's not smut. It's very PG sometimes PG thirteen, Ok,
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: but it's like very metaphorical. It's like deeply thought provoking
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: and powerful, but also just like so fun and I
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: love just getting lost and magic and there is romance,
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: but it's again it's like, this reminds me of a
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: Disney World post you once posted when you went to
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: Disney World.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: You're obsessed with Disney love it, you love it today.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing you post that and I was like, oh,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: because I am not, I am not, And I was like,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: to Disneyland. You know, I've been there, done. But let
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: me Okay, this is a really cute one and every
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: audience member or audience listener is going to relate to this.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: It's called Bestie, Hot, Pink Heart, Blue, I come home,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I come for you. Plug you in twice a month,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: plug me up twice in a row, just me. Can't
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: sleep hard week? You're always hard? Aren't you? A little
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: less empty inside? That is really really cute. I just
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: love it. And I'm talking about my best friend. Yes, yes, yes,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: You said your team would not let you put a
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: vibrator on the cover of this.
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a real conversation. It was a real conversation.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: But you know my Lily.
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: Kravitz, who designed the book and has been my friend
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: since well, I say at the beginning of the book,
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: she's was the first person to ever see me dangle
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: car keys off my erect nipple.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: And that's trip erection, like a pretty impressive erection. They
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: can handle a whole gisha. Yeah, I was just thinking
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: about my own nipples when you were saying that, because
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: my nipples can get really hard and I've never used
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: the word erect with my nipples, and I will start
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: doing that.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like some nipples are deserving of the word
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: erects get really hard, they are serious of substantial.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: They don't say that way very long. It's just like
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: a seven year old man, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: so you probably won't get You don't know what I mean.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: You haven't had sex with a seven year old. I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: haven't had sex with a seven year old. Yeah, and
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: neither have I. Yeah, but I have had sex with
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: men who could be seventy or act like they're seventy,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: or have the same erections as a seventy year old
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: exactly that. I hear what you're saying. Yeah, And okay,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: wait back to your book. I want to talk about
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: how you So you've been writing, You've been journaling your
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: whole life, Like how did you leave my whole life?
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: When did you?
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: I really started committing to the journal after the big
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: breakup almost five years ago, uh huh, because that was
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: a huge turning point in my life because I was
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: a kid and then I met that person and was
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: with him for almost eight years and then we broke
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: up and I was like out in the world for
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: the first time, like as just human, and so that
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: was a lot to process and you're an only child,
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: and I'm an only child.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So do you have a really are you tight with
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: your parents? I'm tight with my parents. Yeah, I love them.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I really love them.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, they're good people and they've tried, they've done their best,
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: you know, like they are.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: They've been really.
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: Loving, supportive parents, which is and you know they still
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: love each other.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: They've been together since they were seventeen and eighteen. Wow
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: isn't that like amazing and also weird. I'm going, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: but it's amazing. Yeah I like them.
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: So yeah, I was a kid with my parents, and
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: I was a young adult with a man, and now
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: I'm a Haley person.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Now you're a Haley li ch or like catapults you,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: like a breakout can sometimes like catapult you into adulthood,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: especially if you were just a kid when you got
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: into that relationship.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And did you lean on your parents a lot during
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: like or during any difficult time? Do you lean on
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: your therapist the most? Like who's your go to person?
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: I think I've had different different people throughout my life,
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: like in relationship obviously, like your partner that you rely
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: on is your partner and my mom's like want the
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: closest person in my life and honestly has really grounded advice.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: Like my mom's not really in it for the drama
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: with things I tell her about, she's like really productive,
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: but with her advice to me, it's nice. Obviously my therapist,
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: I shout out love her.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Saw her this morning.
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: And you know, friends, although sometimes that can I think
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: lead to if you rely on a friend too much,
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: it can lead to you know, codependent things and weird
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: patterns that happen and then they just get sick and
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: tired of you, or vice versa, and then it ruins
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: the friendship in a way.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about the difference between codependence and interdependence for
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: a second, because I thought interdependence was codependence, and somebody
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: schooled me the other day and said, no, interdependence healthyvers
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: is a healthy But also I was reading this thing
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: that like when you couple up with someone, right when
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: you become you're in a relationship, it's almost impossible not
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: to become codependent. Even though codependent has a negative connotation,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: when you look the phrases up, they're mostly identical interdependency
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: and codependency. So what do you have an idea of
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: what the different differentiation is.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: I kind of see it through my own lens, because
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, my husband and I we are a little
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: bit codependent, but I think mostly interdependent because we have sort.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: Of opposite skill sets and so and it's sort of
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: like when one of us isn't able.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: To sort of pick up their end of the slack,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: the other one kind of goes double time and you
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: can put into.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: The back here. That's why that's right. So, but I
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: think it's like mostly healthy.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: I think codependence is when it's like almost like needy
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: and you can't do anything without this other person, and
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: then that gets into like the other person sort of
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: being a little controlling sometimes, oh I.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: See, or when their problems become your problems and then
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: you have to like basically like you sacrifice your own
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: life for their life. That's correct or my worst form,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: like I can't make a decision without this howing.
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: Yes, And I definitely felt that in relationships totally. There's
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: a book called Codependent No More that I actually didn't finish.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Reading, maybe because but there is I'm reminded of that.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should revisit that book.
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: But there's this concept that actually my very first meeting
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: with my therapist that I still talk to now. This
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: was probably almost ten years ago now. She listened to
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: me talk for like forty five minutes and then she
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: was like, I'm gonna get thing and show it to you,
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: and I was like okay, and she came back from
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: her little drawer with this piece of paper that had
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: a triangle on it. It's called the drama triangle. I'm
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: forgetting the dude that like invented it the concept of it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: Have you guys heard of the drama triangle?
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: To speak more, it might be it might resident.
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: There's like the dramatic codependent version of the triangle, which
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: has three points. One of the points is the bully,
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: one of the points is the victim, and one of
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: the points is the rescuer. And when you get sucked,
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: Like it's not like any of us right are like
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: always or naturally like anxious attached. It's like different situations
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: and relationships that bring things out in us, and so
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: like it's kind of the same idea with this triangle.
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: It's like there are certain people or situations dynamics that
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: like draw you onto the triangle, and then once.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: You draw or you're onto the triangle.
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: You're just doing this dance, this like musical chairs dance,
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: you know, like around like playing these different roles, which
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: I think kind of ties into codependency and triangulation and
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: for everyone. Yeah, and then I was like she was
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: telling this to me, and I was like mind blown
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: because I was like, oh my god, I live like
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: ninety percent of my life on this gosh darn triangle, Like,
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: how the fuck do I get off? And she was like, well,
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: let me show you another piece of paper that she
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: showed me this other piece of paper that had like
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: the healthy triangle, which instead of the rescuer, there was
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: the cheerleader instead of the victim.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm not remembering, we just look it.
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: Up, but the cheerleader was very important for me because
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: I think the way I got tied onto the triangle
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: all the time was wanting to rescue. And I'm like, now,
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: how can I like not take responsibility for you, but
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: like encourage you as someone that loves you so much
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: and wants the best for you to like make these
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: decisions for yourself.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: There's the coach instead of the bully.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Oh there, oh yeah.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: You've picked my care curiosity. I'm curious well, I see
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: all more work to do.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: I have to finish the codependent, finish, finish of Kings.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I'll put a link to I'll find this online, put
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: a link to it in the triangle.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I know you're a big dancer, like you kind of
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: came out here to dance, right, original dance and act. Yeah,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: but my first like year here was mainly danced work
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: because I remember seeing your People magazine shoot and I
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: was like, I didn't know you were a dancer, and
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: that was just a really beautiful shoot. Yeah, there's like
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: video attached to it and everything. Yeah, I did. It
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: was a really beautiful and I had no idea. And
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: then you were in a Jonas Brother's video dancing because
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: you're a huge Jonas Brothers fan. Yes I am, and
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I was. Some of my friends are like, Heley, are
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: you gonna like finally let that go now? And I'm
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: like I wish I could, but no, being such a
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: rabbid Jonas Brothers fan, how because I know they asked
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: you a question once like if you had to choose
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: one of their albums to take away on a dessert
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: on an island, which one would it be? And I
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: was like, they should have asked you which Jonas brother
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: it would have been. That's a better question, and so
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: let's figure out who that is. If you had to go,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I forget about their marriages, which and they're not married.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: We're living in a different alternate reality. Which Jonas brother?
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Would you want to be trapped on deserted island getting excited?
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: We're going to make this a reality, by the way.
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: So well, the thing is, obviously, you know, since I
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: was like eleven, I've been obsessed with Nicholas, So I
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: think I like kind of have to say him.
• 29:35
  Speaker 6: I have never heard anyone Nicholas Nicholas, Jerry Jonas, that's
• 29:40
  Speaker 6: his name. There's just certain things you just don't forget
• 29:44
  Speaker 6: and you don't like, you know, I think we have
• 29:45
  Speaker 6: the answer.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: It's Nick Nicholas. Nicholas. How were you able to retain
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: your composure when you were on the set of that?
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. I had no self control.
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: I was, like, fully just like my teeny bopper eleven
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: year old me like came out and that's how I
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: was behaving, and I had I had.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: No I had no control.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: So I was I was eleven, like I really was,
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: And honestly, it was beautiful.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: It was amazing. I wouldn't have wanted it to be
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: any other way.
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't have wanted to like been processing it as
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: like twenty eight or hoever old I was at the
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: time year old me, Like I was just fully seeing
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: it through these like eyes of this little teeny bopper.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they deal with that a lot.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I was crying all.
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: The time, and I make the artist Jenna like just
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: kept having to like wipe the mask eara under my
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: eye because I was like just like smiling and my
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: cheeks are and I was just like constantly just like.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Tears would come out. Yeah, that was special. I was
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: once in a music video. I don't know if I've
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: ever spoken about that. I'm podcast this is funny story, Okay,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: I did. I was like seventeen years old. I was
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: in New York City and I auditioned for this. It
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: was a band called Natural Selection, and I was hired
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: as like the pretty girl. The lead singer had to
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: like just sing to my face. So he was standing
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: across from me, and I had never worked before, never
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: done any gigs, and as soon as he started looking
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: like singing towards me, I my lips just they like
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: just were quivering, and it was so like embarrassing because I.
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: Could feel it and I knew they were feeling just nerves,
• 31:16
  Speaker 6: so nervous, comfortable, and yeah, like I wouldn't be able
• 31:19
  Speaker 6: to do that if it were someone I knew saying
• 31:21
  Speaker 6: to me like that, I don't think.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean maybe now I could, but not smiling,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: like that's fucking weird. Yeah, but at the time, I
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: just had no experience. It was almost like, you know, spasming,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: like my face was smassming and I knew everyone could
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: see me, but I was seventeen years old. I had
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: no resources to be like. I was just like, fuck,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna fall and burn right now. And then they
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: finally removed me and they're like, we'll just have you
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: as a background extra, you know, and they replaced me,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: and it was, you know, one of my very first humiliations. Wow.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, got it. If I had known
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: about beta blockers, you know, that would have been a
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: much different story.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: You were not meant to be a video ho.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Wow. You know I was a video ho a couple
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: of times.
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was, it's like seventeen, Yeah, for dance, like
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: there was like this. Actually there was supposed to be
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: a These boys had a band. They were brothers. They
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: were called Sonis. They were these Argentinian boys.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Sounds a lot like another band.
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: Well, they honestly were like very inspired by and like
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: hoping to be like the Jonas Brothers, like which was
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: a big draw for me. Which but they did this
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: music video on the Venice boardwalk and I was like
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: each brother had like a love interest and I was,
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: I think the oldest brother's love interest.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: And uh, there was some singing to my face. Not
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: like that closed.
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: I don't think I would have been able to handle that,
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: but there was like a lot of serenading and then
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: I would randomly like do a leap in the middle
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: of the boardwalk and yeah, I was a video.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: Ho.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I feel like music videos well I
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: guess they still do that, but I just like it
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: feels like it's a dated thing to be singing into
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: someone's face, you know what I mean. I mean, I'm
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: sure that still happens. When I was reading your book
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: of poetry, I was thinking that you remind me a
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: lot of Taylor Swift, like cool in terms of writing
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: all these things down like a lyricist, a poet, you
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: know that. And then I found out you wanted to
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: be a singer, right or you want to be a singer.
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: There's like a a delusional dream I've had probably my
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: whole life that I would be an amazing pop star
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: because I'm like mall and I you know, can dance,
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: and I would look good in like metallic body suits,
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: and I have a lot of feelings. But I really
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: just can't sing, Like I don't have that skill set.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: And I've tried.
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: My parents have spent a lot of money throughout the
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: course of my childhood on voice lessons and didn't work.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: It never worked. Hmmm.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a few other talents, that's okay.
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: I have a couple others that I'm focusing on now.
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: But but yeah, I mean I love Taylor Swift.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, are you swifty? I guess I am now. I
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: mean it's kind of hard to be like, it's hard
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: not time swifty, I think now too, like my level
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: of interest and the understanding of the impact that she's
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: had not only on the music industry and for women
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: coming after her, on all women and all these little girls,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: like this is the happiest news we've gotten in six
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: months engagement. First of all, she was on the podcast
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: that was like happiness, and then you find out about
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: the engagement. It's like she's almost singularly responsible for our joy, right.
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: Yes, because like thinking we've been rooting for her, like
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: because we relate through her heartbreak and these things that
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: she like honestly very generously shares with us, like so
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: that we can feel like not alone, which is a
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: big inspiration for me wanting to like give these you know,
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: poems to the to the world because it's like, I
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: know what that can do for me when I listen
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: to music like Taylor.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: And so we're like rooting for her to.
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: Like be happy and like have someone choose her, and
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: this fucking haughty chose her.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: And then the exact way the only way to go
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: after someone like that, which is what he did, Like
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: he shot his shot. Yeah, and it fucking worked out.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: I met you.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: No one else did that, I know, no one else
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: tried to do that except for him, you know what
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: And he seems obviously don't know these people, but he
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: seems like a pretty secure dude, ye, And she deserves
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: that and needs that.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's I mean I'm really happy for her.
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is happy making. It's happy making. And when
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I was watching this Instagram video about this little girl
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: and her she was asking her mom if they were
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: going to Taylor Swift to travel Taylor Swift's wedding. She
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: was like, Mommy, are we going to the wedding? And
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: she's like, no, honey, We're probably not going to the
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: wa And then she's like, but why wouldn't we go?
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Like we love Taylor? And I was like, the mom
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: was like, no, like, honey, we love Taylor because we've
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: seen we listened to her music and her pictures, but
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: she doesn't know who we are. And then the little
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: girl goes, huh, anyway, can you put on hot to go?
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, what a cute video?
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: Is cute?
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I want to see that? Wow?
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean she is very poetic, and I honestly like,
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: I've always listened to Taylor Swift throughout my life. When
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: I was like thirteen or something was probably it was
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: like pivotal that song for me and so, but I
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: never really considered myself a swiftye or really like gave
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: into my like full like love and respect for Taylor
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: Swift as like a artist and like amazing force person
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: in the world. But I went to the Era's tour
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: in Atlanta because I wanted to see b Badoobie, who's
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: this sweet girl I know who was opening for her
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: and I love her music, and she got me a
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: ticket and so I was like, sure.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I'll fly to Atlanta and watch b Badooby and then
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: stay for the Taylor Swift concert.
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: And I stayed for the freaking Eras tour and I
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: was just like, I knew maybe a third of the songs,
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: but I was like, cause I kind of missed like
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: the folklore other albums Eras. But I was like, I
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: was like, it's possible to be at that concert and
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: watch her presence and her impact and like.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: Not be so blown away. Yeah yeah, and inspired and impressed.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: And then I ended up going to the Aerostore in
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: LA and at that point I knew every single song
• 37:13
  Speaker 5: and was.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Swifty so and the other thing I do love not
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: that this is a podcast about Taylor Swift on you
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: never talked about Taylor Swift on this podcast, ABHIV, But
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: because your poetry does remind me of her writing, like
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: it is kind of you know, her writing is poetry.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: But the other thing is how beautiful the family dynamic.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: It was, how her parents have crafted like and it
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: sounds like you come from a similar structured, loving, normal
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: family that are like solid because it could go one
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: of two ways. And we've seen the disasters with all
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: of these, you know, young people who become famous and
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: when their parents aren't on solid ground and they aren't grounded,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: it's a disaster. And then look at like the beauty
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: and like you're such a like ray of light. Look
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: at what your parents did for you, you know, they ray
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: of light. I'm a breath of fresh air. You're a
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: ray of light. Yeah, a woman, You're you're a Yeah,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: you're a well man. So like, I mean, it's just
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: nice to see the impact of good parenting. I chose
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: not to become a parent because I would don't have
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: time for that ship, you know, And I feel like
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: that's a very responsible decision to make good for you.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: If you're not going to be an A plus parent,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: then you should have become a parent.
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah. If you're not going to send the A plus text,
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: then don't send the text.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I got to learn these things now so I
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: don't become a B plus or minus minus our B
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: minus person. Yeah, yeah, you're not a B minus person.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you, B plus or definitely.
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're in the A zone you But yeah, my
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: parents shout out to them.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, I can tell that you have good parents.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: I can already tell that.
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: They They have like always believed in me and always
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: loved me. And I think that that is unfortunately rare.
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: It's something that now like thirty and looking back and
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: now having this like adult relationship with my parents, I'm like,
• 39:07
  Speaker 5: you guys were really great. Like you guys really like
• 39:11
  Speaker 5: supported me and made this life that I live possible,
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: and they're great.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: They're also like a fun hang. Do you really think
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: that's rare to be loved and believed in?
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: I do think being like deeply believed in, Like the
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: sacrifice my parents made to like let me leave high
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: school at sixteen and move to LA and like give
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: up whatever money they were saving for a college experience
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: for me and like be away from each other for
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: a year and a half while my mom lived with
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: me in LA and my dad was back in Arizona,
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: like put their lives on hold to like make that
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: Like that is something that I like people that I
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: know their parents didn't do that for them and wouldn't right.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: And there's people that I even know that they wanted
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: to like do something unconventional or more like not even unconventional,
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: but just like arts or something not good and their
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: parents like encouraged them not to because of X, Y
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: and Z. And it's like, my parents didn't just encourage me,
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: not they they sacrificed and like made it possible for me,
• 40:14
  Speaker 5: which I do think is rare.
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, on that note, we're going to take a break
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Haleelu Richardson. And we're
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: back with Haleelu richards and her new book of poetry,
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: which is called Sad and Horny. Oh sorry, which you
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: so what?
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: That was a question in my publisher was like, are
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: you sure you don't want to call it sad and Horny?
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: And I really thought about it because actually, originally I
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: wanted to call the book I'm sad and horny by
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: this book because like I just wanted the desperate, the
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: like aware desperation to be a part of the title.
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: And they really I had multiple people encouraged me to
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: get rid of the buy this book, and I agreed
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: with that, but my publisher was like, are you sure
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: you want that? I'm because sad and horny is just
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: so like a thing, and I'm like, you know, I
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: thought about it, and I was like, I really want
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: the I'm because it's so personal.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: You own it and I own it.
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: And then it's like also the question of like, oh,
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: what are you reading I'm sad and horny.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I liked that conversation. Yea happening, So yeah, great, great,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: we're going to take some callers and we're going to
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: give some advice. There's callers.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh cool.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I'm glad you're all therapies because that's
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: going to help you give out some of the Okay, cool.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: So our first caller is Brie. She's thirty seven.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty seven year old woman,
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: and I found myself in a precarious situation. For my
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: entire adult life, I prided myself on my ability to
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: remain faithful in any and all of my relationships. I
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: had never cheated and had a very negative perspective toward
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: the idea of cheating. I was in a faithful and
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: monogamous although toxic relationship from twenty five to thirty three,
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: and after ending that, I spent four months being single
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: and dating my now ex Adam. After almost two and
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: a half years together, I started to realize that Adam
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: and I were not compatible, However I didn't initially act
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: on it.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: About four months ago, I started to pay more.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Attention to one of my male coworkers, Bryce, even though
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: we've worked together for years. Something changed and I found
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: myself thinking about him outside of work. After finding a
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: work related reason to initiate a text to him, we
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: began texting regularly.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Within a few weeks, we.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: Were talking all day at work, taking private walks on
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: our breaks, and texting all night.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: Needless to say, my partner had no idea.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: This quickly led to us confessing our feelings for one another,
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: kissing when we had the chance, holding hands on walks,
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: and pretty soon admitting that we were falling for one another.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I decided at this point that I needed to end
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: things with Adam and chose not to move forward physically
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: with Bryce until I did so. However, that did not
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: stop us from making verbal plans to be together. Once
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I ended things with Adam, Here's where things change. Fast
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: forward to about eight weeks ago. I broke things off
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: with Adam and moved out into my own place. Following this,
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: things between Bryce and I began to slow down, and
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: I noticed a growing distance between us, which I assumed
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: was because both of us kind of had a realization
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: that things were moving along quite quickly. Day by day,
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: our communication dwindled until last week and we decided to
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: take a step back with things until we both have
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: our shit figured out and we know what we want.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: I'm the one who suggested this because I sensed him
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: pulling away, almost as if I was trying to beat
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: him to the punch my dilemma.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: I feel heartbroken.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: I know that ultimately I'm likely still grieving the relationship
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: with Adam as well, but I cannot get Bryce off
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: my mind. I recognize that my abandonment issues and attachment
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: style tie into this, but my question is how can
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I find a way to move forward with Bryce?
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: Given that we work together. When I say we're coworkers,
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: we do not just work for the same company.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: We sit next to each other a few feet away
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: multiple days a week. Although I'm grateful that I still
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: get to see him, I know that working with him
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: is going to make this very difficult. We're both fairly
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: mature and are serious about our careers, so I know
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: that we'll both do our best to try and maintain
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: an amicable dynamic at work, especially given that we ended
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: things mutually. However, I'm having a hard time seeing his
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: face on a day basis. I've never been in a
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: situation like this, both in terms of infidelity and the
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: relationship with a coworker.
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: Any advice to help me navigate this challenge, Brie?
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Right, Oh my gosh, you're a real person. Bray, we're here,
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: You're real. Oh my god. This is Haley lou Richardson,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: our special guest today.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Hi, nice to meet you.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Brie. Thanks for sharing that. Somebody
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: once told me, when you're in a relationship that's kind
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: of stale, there's a person who gets you out of
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: that relationship, and you can sometimes confuse that with like, oh,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: I'm in love. Like sometimes you just need to get
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: out of the position A and move into position B.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: And sometimes that only will happen if somebody else comes
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: around and like lures you away. So this is a
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: huge opportunity for you for growth, for learning, forgetting to
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: know yourself, you have to embrace your womanhood, which we've
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: been discussing. You have to embrace your womanhood right now.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: You can handle anything. You're a woman. We can fucking
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: do anything. You're fierce, powerful and you're resilient. That's what
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: you have to sell yourself every single morning when you
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: wake up or before you walk into the office and
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: think you're gonna melt when you see him. You're stronger
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: than him. Okay, just remember women are stronger than men.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: And that's not sexist, it's true. So I guess so
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: so like you have the total you're in the driving
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: driver's seat. You ended things, you know, and the driver's
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: seat isn't important. But you just have to know as
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: a woman, you are so powerful you if you want
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: this to happen with this guy at work, it can happen.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: But respect the fact that you just got out of
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: something and going straight into something isn't really going to
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: be the most valuable lesson in your life. The more
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: valuable lesson. And if you want to, like I always say,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I like, I like to make the first time the
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: last time, Like I don't want to learn the same
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: lessons twice, and I don't want to go to summer school.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: I want to go to Maerica, you know what I mean.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: So when there's an opportunity to be mature or easy
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: and like give in to your lustfulness or your desires,
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: it's not forever. It's not like you have to do
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: this for months and months or whatever. But just choose
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: your higher self and be like, Okay, I just got
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: out of a long term relationship. The most sensible thing
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: to do is like, what would you tell your daughter
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: to do in this situation? If you had a daughter,
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: what would you say to her? You would say, take
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: some time regroup. You can have this little flirtation. You
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: had a flirtation with this guy. It's going to redevelop you.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Just keep your distance and be in the driver's seat
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: because that's what you are. You are in the driver's seat,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: and you could completely control yourself. I know you can.
• 46:30
  Speaker 7: I like that, you know what. That's actually great advice.
• 46:33
  Speaker 7: You are kind of making the point that I feel
• 46:36
  Speaker 7: like maybe I'm almost giving him the power. Yeah, and
• 46:39
  Speaker 7: I need to kind of take that back.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: Really that's really good advice.
• 46:44
  Speaker 7: And also to your first point, sometimes we just need
• 46:47
  Speaker 7: that one person to get us out of the initial
• 46:50
  Speaker 7: you know, uh, slow loading scale. I like that.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: I'm going to hold on to that.
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: That's actually really great advice.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: It was a guy that was having an affair and
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: he said, I was with two guys who had both
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: left their wives for other women, and they had been
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: married to their new wives forever. But they said they
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: both had the woman they had an affair with got
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: them out of their marriages and then they ended up
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: with different women. And there was like and they had
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: a term for it, and I was like, oh, I'm like, well,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to take that for women. Hayley, Do you agree?
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: What do you think I agree with?
• 47:19
  Speaker 5: I mean, you want you to be my therapist, but
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: you also just like you say really like emotionally deep
• 47:27
  Speaker 5: true things, but you say it like it fucking is
• 47:29
  Speaker 5: that's so cool to like it must feel so nice
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: to be getting that advice in that way.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely agree.
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: And I also just like actually really commend you because
• 47:40
  Speaker 5: I think you seem like a like a very aware,
• 47:44
  Speaker 5: thoughtful person, like the way you go through life, even
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: like your awareness of the ways that you were unfaithful
• 47:50
  Speaker 5: in the end of the relationship. Like I'm impressed by
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: the fact that whatever it was that this guy Bryce
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: was showing and that attraction was showing you, that was
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: making it clear to you had to get out of
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: the relationship with Adam. You know, there were times where
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: the powerful woman that was making the decisions and in
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: control of your actions maybe went to the uh, you know,
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: passenger seat or in the back seat and something else
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: was taking over. But like you never let you get
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: like stuffed in the trunk and just like fully act
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: out of passion, need instinct, lust, out of control, And
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: like I find that really press honorable.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: So I mean, whatever, if.
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: There's a part of you, I don't know, if there's
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: a part of you that like feels guilty or like
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: a shame, like see that as like whatever, healthy shame,
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: So you don't do that again and hurt yourself and
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: someone else in a way that you wouldn't want to
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: again if you were in a similar situation. But also
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: just like really like, I think it's pretty cool the
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: awareness you had through through all of that.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: Right to not like go full throttle with an affair
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: sort of thing.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, agreed, So good for you on both fronts. Yeah,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: So just gear up and go back to work like
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: the badass woman that you are and handle.
• 49:04
  Speaker 7: It you so much. I feel like I just needed
• 49:07
  Speaker 7: a little bit of a push. I actually really appreciate.
• 49:10
  Speaker 7: This is not something that obviously I can talk to about.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, with most people, right, I know, you know what
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can't. I'm not calling up my.
• 49:18
  Speaker 7: Mom or another coworker or friends. So I appreciate it.
• 49:22
  Speaker 7: I just kind of needed another woman's perspectives and that
• 49:24
  Speaker 7: all makes a lot of sense. And also, thank you
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: for touching on the guilt and the shame, because of
• 49:29
  Speaker 7: course that's you know, kind of floating around in the
• 49:31
  Speaker 7: back of my head or in my part, I should say, so,
• 49:34
  Speaker 7: I appreciate that.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: I awesome. Awesome you guys, well, thanks for calling in.
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: Thank you, ladies.
• 49:40
  Speaker 7: I appreciate your time today.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, Vibrie, I've got this if I feel the same
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: way I've had, like you got it.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: You got it.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: That was like a perfect color. Yeah, wow, perfect Because
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: people call in with these kinds of serious things. I mean,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: that is serious. But she wasn't broken, you know what
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: I mean. Some people do call in and they're broken
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: and like and then it's like you can't talk to
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: them like that she had like a real like awareness.
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: It was really even like through that hard time because
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: like the end of her Like it's hard to be
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: at the end of a relationship and something not working,
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: especially if you can't admit it to yourself, then you
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: can't admit it to the other person and then something
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: out of control happens. That's like hurtful, And I feel
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: like she actually had a lot of self self awareness.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: There's also this idea that like when there's an attraction,
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: like we we can't help ourselves and it's just so silly.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: It's like we can all help ourselves. You don't have
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: to fuck your fucking coworker while you're still in a relationship.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: That's such a man thing to do, you know, like
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: you have to have accountability, like leaving the relationship.
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: What Well, I just had this like hearing you say
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: you can't help I can't help myself is like I
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: just had another meaning of that of like, but you
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: can help yourself, like whatever you are searching for in
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: that connection and are trying to get from that external thing,
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: Like it's like I can't help myself, but actually you
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: can always help your right WHOA, Yeah, I cave.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: It as now I have a double meaning too.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, great, Well.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Lauren, and she says, Dear Chelsea,
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: I'm a thirty three year old therapist in Saint Louis.
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: I love my job and the life I've built here,
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: but the dating scene is so challenging. I ended a
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: long term relationship three years ago and have been trying
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: everything to meet new people dating apps, singles, events, networking parties,
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: you name it, I've done it.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: I'm also in maybe the only career that I can't
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: meet people at work, confidentiality and all. She's a she's
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: a therapist. I realized that, but yeah, she's a therapist.
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: I made the decision to move to a new city.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: To experience dating somewhere else. I love advice on how
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: to make connections and meet singles in a city I
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: don't know anyone in. You're such an inspiration things for
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: all you do, Lauren.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: Well, that's easier than Hi. Hi, Lauren, Hi, Hi, This
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: is Haley lou Richardson our special guest today, Aldy.
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: It's so good to see guy.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: It's nice to meet you.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: Hi.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Lauren. First of all, great for taking the situation and
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: doing something about it and moving to a different city.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: That's great proactive behavior. And as a therapist you probably
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: already know that. But I think you just have to
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: put yourself out there in every way possible. You have
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: to join all sorts of clubs you don't give a
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: shit about, just like you start join a runners club,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: join a biker. What city are you in, by the way.
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: I'm in Saint Louis, but I'm moving to Madison, Wisconsin.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, great, jeez, you can you can? I mean you
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: can join like kayaking, you know, on Saturday mornings. You
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: could do a paddle board class. You could do all
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: sorts of shit. But think about things in that like
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: that are going to yield a more of like an
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: intersexual kind of community. You don't want to obviously, take
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: ballet class lessons, you know, like that's not gonna I mean,
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: you're not gonna meet men. But think of things, and
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying things off the top of my head,
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: but really sit down and make a list of like
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: activities that you'd be down to do. Tennis. If you
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: want to take like tennis lessons, join a tennis club.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: You don't have to join a country club. You can
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: join a tennis club, and you can join a biking club,
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: you can join a runner's club. All of those are
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: going to yield both sexes. So you're going to meet friends,
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: and you're going to and if you're in a new city,
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: you're gonna need some new friends. Anyway, you're going to
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: meet people that way, and don't give up on the
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: dating sites. Like I understand that they sometimes feel like,
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: oh god, you know, like it's overwhelming or it's so
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: depressing because you go on these dates and you're like,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: this is all that's out there. It's it's trial and
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: error like everything else in life. And like, if you
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: really have a desire to meet somebody, then it's up
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: to you to make that happen. And you're gonna, like,
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: you know, push yourself a little bit further. Even if
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, like I don't want to do my
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: fucking Spanish homework. I'm not in the mood, but I
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: know I'm gonna do it because I want to get
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: better at learning Spanish. You're going to go on that date.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe you don't feel like up for it, but that's
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: one step closer to finding the person that you want.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: And if a partner. Is that important to you, then
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: you have to make that like a top line priority.
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: Likeat it, like yeah, treat it like a job. And
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: also I think.
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: People forget the value of like asking the cute guy
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: in line at the coffee shop for his number, you know,
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: like just be ballsy and make some like conversation and.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: They're like, can I guess your number?
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Yes. That's a great point, Catherine, because everyone would think
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: that I do whatever I want when I want, and
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: I have all this confidence, right, I have missed so
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: many opportunities by not addressing a man that I've seen
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: at a party or in a store or something like
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: where I've wanted to be like, oh that guy's hot,
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: you know, or like I'm trying to catch his eye
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: and just stupid, Like I should have just walked up
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: to the table and been like, hey, I think you're
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: pretty cute. Here's my number. That's what the advice I
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: would give to anyone. Yet there are many times where
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: I have not done that, and all I do when
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: that's the only thing I think I regret in my
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: life is not actually being as bold as people think
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: I am with regard to like meeting guys or hooking up.
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: What do you have to lose? Who gives a shit?
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: You don't even know the person. So if if they're
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: not into you, who cares? You know what I mean?
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: Like you kind of have to grab life by the balls.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: Especially now, it's like if that's such an important thing
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: to you, you really have to just do everything to
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: make it happen. So that would be my advice. I mean,
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: Haley's single too. Right now, I'm gonna say I'm kind
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: of in your boat.
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: Kind of in your boat, but I do actually feel
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: like I act on on the boldness, I guess, or
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: just like the saying like my thing is, I just am.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, I just wanted to tell you you're really handsome.
• 55:26
  Speaker 5: And you know, sometimes it unless it's like a nice
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: response and there's like maybe just like a little night
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: like maybe they don't ask for my number or nothing
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: ever happens, but it's just like, oh, I had a
• 55:38
  Speaker 5: little connection and they told me I was cute too,
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: and that's like kind of.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: A nice little That's actually a perfect way to do
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: it because that's so and like that's that's such a
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: sweet way to do it because it's so charming, like
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: it's not like, Hey, I want to fuck you, here's
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: my phone number, which is what I would do. But
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: I mean I haven't exercised that right and nearly as
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: much as I but I think you're really handsome. Who's
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: that gonna love?
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: You?
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: Know what I mean?
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no one, No one that I've done that too
• 56:03
  Speaker 5: hasn't loved it. Like the worst that I get is
• 56:06
  Speaker 5: like a.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, thanks, right to go on with their life. And
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah exactly, but yeah, I'm
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: really in your boat, so I don't.
• 56:15
  Speaker 5: I feel like I was listening to her advice and
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: maybe the same way you were, but just I guess
• 56:20
  Speaker 5: if there's.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: Anything no that you're not alone.
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: There are a lot of us out on the apps
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: getting sick and tired of the apps, deleting the apps,
• 56:28
  Speaker 5: thinking they're in love with a waiter because he looked
• 56:31
  Speaker 5: at her in a certain way, like sliding into someone's
• 56:33
  Speaker 5: DMS that's on love Island and never getting a response.
• 56:38
  Speaker 5: Like I mean, like I've done, I've done wild things
• 56:41
  Speaker 5: and none of it's been really successful yet, and I'm
• 56:43
  Speaker 5: just like trying to hold on to hope and not
• 56:46
  Speaker 5: become bitter.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: So right there with you, Lauren, I've tried sliding into
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: some dms of Love Island because.
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: I not always Love Island, but definitely other shows for
• 56:58
  Speaker 4: sure amazing.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: Have you gotten responses? Because I literally haven't, and I'm like, wait, what.
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: I have a new check mark?
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, you're like, what's this same thing for? If
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: I can't get what I want.
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: I definitely need to try to be more bold. I
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: feel like I fall into the friendship aspect, like I
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: need to, you know, up my flirting and just like
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: be confident with it and fake it till I make it.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and be active on those dating sites, like just
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: get on all of them and be active and be
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: forward about what you're looking for, Like I'm looking for
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: a relationship. I just always think the more you do
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: of something, the quicker you're going to get to where
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: you're going. There's gonna be a lot of rejects or
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: people that you're not interested in, But in doing that,
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: you're kind of getting all that stuff out of the
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: way and getting closer to the person that you will
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: be into and that you will want to have a
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: relationship with.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: It's a total number name and you listen.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: You have everything on your side. You're in a brand
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: new city. The options are endless, you know, and you're
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: acutie and beauty and people are getting divorced every single day,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: so there's something else to think about, you like what
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: I do?
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: Think about that?
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you'll get someone on their second time around. Yeah,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: oyster is our oyster, all.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Right, Lauren and Hayley. We'll need you both to follow
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: up when you put this into practice.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see.
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: I'll let you know if any of the Love Island
• 58:15
  Speaker 5: contestants ever get back, and.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: I'll see you. I'm coming on tour next year to Madison,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: so I'll see you there hopefully.
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: Oh amazing. Yes, I will definitely see you there. Thank you.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, have a great day, bye, Lauren, Hie.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: You know what my my sister in law did, which
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: obviously worked out for her because she's my sister in
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: law now. She came home from like visiting family in
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: Ireland who were like teasing her because she was thirty
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: and not married, which is silly, but she felt some
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: kind of way about it, so she just decided to.
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: Like make it her job to go on all these days.
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: She went on like one or two dates every single day,
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: and here was her trick, she goes, I had in
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: order to not repeat outfits with the same guy. She goes,
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: I had a first date outfit that I would wear
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: on all my first dates, a second date outfit, a
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: third date outfit, and most of them didn't get past
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: dight three. Eventually she found my brother in law and
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: they were like, how are you so single? And you know,
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: fell in love and got married, but she goes by
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: the end of that, my first date outfit was like
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: raggedy because they weren't so many times, but it was just.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: Like, she's just a numbers game. Yes, wow, armpitstains.
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: Wow. Okay, I mean honestly, that is hopeful to me
• 59:17
  Speaker 5: because there's so many like especially like my parents and
• 59:20
  Speaker 5: people of their generation, don't get that, like don't get
• 59:24
  Speaker 5: the dating apps of putting yourself out there, so they're like, well,
• 59:27
  Speaker 5: don't you just want to just live your life and
• 59:29
  Speaker 5: let the person find you?
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's what I've.
• 59:33
  Speaker 8: Been doing it for years and ideally yes, but we
• 59:37
  Speaker 8: live in and we live in the technology age, so
• 59:39
  Speaker 8: it's just like a numbers game, and like, that's how
• 59:42
  Speaker 8: so many people are operating.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: They don't want to waste a night going out to
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: a bar or going out to a restaurant or whatever,
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: because they're like, oh, I'm going to save that for
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: my date night, you know what I mean. Some people
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: or like orchestrate their entire or organize their lives around that.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: So it's like kind of like that's the age we're
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: living in. So there's nothing wrong with it. We're going
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: to take a break and we're going to be right
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: back to wrap up with Haley Loop and we're back
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: with Hailey lu Richardson. Who's gonna I guess, you know,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: turn on all your apps when you leave here and
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: just get I mean ready, I'm actually enjoying. I'm actually
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: enjoying yourself. I'm enjoying myself. I know, I'm like and
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: also I'm so as your vibrator, So I'm enjoying myself.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: I'm enjoying.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: I have multiple besties these days, different shapes for different moods.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: I love them all equally, so I have a pretty
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: good crew. We're in a polyamorous relationship. I love different
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: shapes for different moods. I would love to see a
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: chart on that at some point. Wow. The book is
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: called her Book of Poetry, which is great and really
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: funny and sad at times but poignant. It's called I'm
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: Sad and Horny and so please get yourself a copy.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: And well, I mean you're just absolutely delightful. Thank you,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: so are you both? Yes, thank you for coming. You
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: really brightened up my day to day. I was having
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: a shit show this morning. Yes, yes, yes, I wouldn't
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: you've I felt that at all. Great, but sorry, but
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: thank you. I mean you really came in like a
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: ray of sunshine. Okay, I meant that, thank you. I
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: feel the same way. This was fun. Now I want
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: a podcast. This is so fun.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 9: The word of the week is avaricious adjective greedy of gain,
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 9: excessively seeking to hoard riches, avaricious zorin Mamdanie won the
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 9: New York City mayoral race because people are tired of
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 9: landlords who have become too avaricious avaricious.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: I will be starting in February of next year, so
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June. So go
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: get your tickets now if you want good seats, and
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: you want to come see me perform, I will be
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: on the High and Mighty tour.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea Pod.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: merch at Chelseahandler dot com