Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #158 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#158 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: One of the things that I've loved about our journey
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  Speaker 1: together is just that acknowledgment that if we're not happy
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  Speaker 1: with something, we're the only ones who can change it.
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  Speaker 1: It's a happy Family's podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 1: poor parent he yes wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: It's the happy family's podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now. I'm not supposed
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  Speaker 2: to say that we've got our kids saying that, now
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  Speaker 2: we do. They're so gorgeous. Hello. My name is doctor
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  Speaker 2: Justin Colson. I'm the author of six books about raising
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  Speaker 2: happy families, and I'm here with my wife, my co host,
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  Speaker 2: my podcast partner, and my pretty much the favorite person
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  Speaker 2: in all the world, the one person that I would
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  Speaker 2: you're shaking your head while I'm saying, it's a long intro.
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  Speaker 2: Can't you you say, my wife, you're deserving of that intro,
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  Speaker 2: aren't you? Missus? Happy families? Kylie, I love that.
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  Speaker 1: You've got so many, you know, descriptive words for me.
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  Speaker 2: But I'm happy with wife. Do you think that, I mean,
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  Speaker 2: maybe we're stretching the friendship too far with our podcast
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  Speaker 2: listeners right now. But I've got a pet name for you.
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  Speaker 2: Should I mention that one or do you think that
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  Speaker 2: I should keep that too? Just between you and I,
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  Speaker 2: we can keep that just fine. Let's just move on
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  Speaker 2: with the podcast. I'm sorry for raising it in my telephone.
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  Speaker 2: When I get a telephone call my phone, I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to bring up here. Yeah, I'm going to do it.
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  Speaker 2: I know I said I wouldn't, but you can't leave
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  Speaker 2: people hanging like that, you know. Instead of it saying Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: it's I cap fine, I won't say it. Maybe made
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  Speaker 2: such a tease. Maybe when you feel more comfortable with
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  Speaker 2: me sharing that, I can.
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  Speaker 1: Well, let's just say I wanted to get a number
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  Speaker 1: plate that had the acronym for this wonderful name.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think the acronym is going to sound very good.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't work because it's actually b das.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, b das yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And I get the impression that people will kind of
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  Speaker 1: read that wrong.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. So okay, Well,
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  Speaker 2: we've gone this far into the podcast already. Kylie's pet
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  Speaker 2: name for how long? Twenty years, fifteen years, something like that.
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  Speaker 2: We've been married since the late nineteen nineties, so we're
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  Speaker 2: up for like twenty two twenty three years of marriage. Now,
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  Speaker 2: very early in our marriage, I just had all these
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  Speaker 2: different pet names, and one day I canbined them all
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  Speaker 2: and Kylie all of them. There was probably a few
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  Speaker 2: that I missed out on. But the acronym is bd
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  Speaker 2: AS for beautiful Darling Angel Sweetheart, which is there, you go.
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  Speaker 2: It's out there in the world. People know it now.
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  Speaker 2: And so when my phone rings every now and again,
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  Speaker 2: it'll just say, my beautiful darling angel sweetheart is calling me.
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  Speaker 2: And I pick up the phone with a smile every
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  Speaker 2: time because I feel so good about that. Is that
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  Speaker 2: okay with you? That's okay? Flash flashback to some feedback
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  Speaker 2: from the nieces who have been listening to our podcast.
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  Speaker 2: We've just gone too far, haven't we. We've just been
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  Speaker 2: all lovey dovey. You know. I can see them rolling
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  Speaker 2: their eyes. That's probably a really great segue actually into
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  Speaker 2: some feedback that we got on the podcast we did
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  Speaker 2: from Maureen, who sent an email through I might read
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  Speaker 2: this because it's a bit about you. Oh and it
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  Speaker 2: feels funny if you're reading feedback about you. Oh, is
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  Speaker 2: that right? This is what Maureen said. She said, I
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  Speaker 2: want to give you some feedback I'm a mom to
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  Speaker 2: two teenagers, a thirteen and a half year old girl
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  Speaker 2: and a fifteen year old boy. And she said, kind
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  Speaker 2: of random this feedback, but here it is. One of
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  Speaker 2: the most appealing things about the podcast to me is
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  Speaker 2: Kylie's voice.
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  Speaker 1: That's so crazy. It's so crazy. My mum would agree
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  Speaker 1: with you. Maybe she's been talking to you.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe Maureen is your mum. Maybe she's set up another
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  Speaker 2: email address. Maureen says, I could listen to Kylie speak
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  Speaker 2: all day. Her voice is very soothing, and I think
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  Speaker 2: makes the listener really lean into what she's saying. That's
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  Speaker 2: so sweet, isn't it? That really is that makes me
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  Speaker 2: feel happy? And then Maureen adds this. She says, I've
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  Speaker 2: got some thoughts on a recent episode. I kind of
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  Speaker 2: had to laugh but not laugh. The other day when
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  Speaker 2: I listened to the Ultimate Parenting Triggers episode, Maureen says,
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  Speaker 2: I realized the actual subject was about what the triggers
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  Speaker 2: are that makes these ringside events happen. But geez, if
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  Speaker 2: that's a bad morning in your house, you would be
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  Speaker 2: horrified to witness a bad morning in mine. And then
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  Speaker 2: she talks about these two teenager boy and girl who
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  Speaker 2: are bumping into each other and having their moments highlights
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  Speaker 2: that it's maddening and exhausting and says, you guys are
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  Speaker 2: clearly living this charmed life. She said it beautifully. Maureen's
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  Speaker 2: not giving us a hard time at all. But I
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  Speaker 2: started thinking about that, and I thought, maybe we haven't
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  Speaker 2: been clear enough in the old do Better Tomorrow episodes
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  Speaker 2: about just how much we get it wrong. Do we
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  Speaker 2: have to Well, we don't have to do anything, but
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  Speaker 2: I just thought today it might be worth highlighting a
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  Speaker 2: couple of things.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, it's interesting as I listened to that
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  Speaker 1: feedback from Wuring, We've had a couple of conversations like
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  Speaker 1: that from different people over the couple of last couple
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  Speaker 1: of weeks since I've joined you, And what stands out
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  Speaker 1: to me the most is that this has been a
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  Speaker 1: journey for you and me. We've been together now, like
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  Speaker 1: you said, for just over twenty odd years, and when
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  Speaker 1: we started out on this journey together, we were pretty
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  Speaker 1: pretty bad it all.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean the story that I tell at
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  Speaker 2: the start of my book twenty one Days to a
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  Speaker 2: Happier Family highlights just how bad it was. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: you and I sat down after I had a really
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  Speaker 2: bad moment with the kids, well, with Chanelle, our eldest.
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  Speaker 2: She was only two or three at the time, and
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  Speaker 2: I completely lost the plot. And that was where we
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  Speaker 2: sort of decided, maybe I need to do something I
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  Speaker 2: was concerning, and you weren't happy with the way I
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  Speaker 2: was behaving as a husband or as a father, and
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  Speaker 2: you kind of made that pretty clear to me. And
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  Speaker 2: we've made mistake after mistake after mistake over the last
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  Speaker 2: twenty years. It's just that as we've gotten older and wiser,
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  Speaker 2: we've been super intentional about trying to get better. So
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  Speaker 2: when people are watching or listening to what we're saying
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  Speaker 2: about how we are today, please don't think that we've
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  Speaker 2: always been like that. Like we've still got a long
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  Speaker 2: way to go anyway, but we have not always been.
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  Speaker 1: Like that well, and I think that it's proof that
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  Speaker 1: we all are evolving and that we're changed. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: if we're not, then what can we do about that.
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  Speaker 1: I think that one of the things that I've loved
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  Speaker 1: about our journey together is just that acknowledgment that if
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  Speaker 1: we're not happy with something, we're the only ones who
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  Speaker 1: can change it, and that process is a process it's
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  Speaker 1: a journey and it takes time, and you're going to
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  Speaker 1: slip up along the way multiple times. But having you know,
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  Speaker 1: these skills in our toolbox to help us be better
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  Speaker 1: gives us hope that tomorrow we can actually have a
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  Speaker 1: better day.
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  Speaker 2: And it's the purpose of the podcast, right it's a
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  Speaker 2: hope building podcast. I reckon so often people will say,
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  Speaker 2: I just, I just want it to be better now,
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  Speaker 2: Like I just, but you can't compress time. Time has
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  Speaker 2: to take its time, and you've there is no pill.
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  Speaker 2: It's a process.
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  Speaker 1: And sometimes you hear something and you think, you know, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you know that that sounds awesome, and when you try
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  Speaker 1: it it doesn't work. But the process is, you know,
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  Speaker 1: increment by increment, learning as you go, and it's through
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  Speaker 1: those challenges and tough times and getting it wrong that
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  Speaker 1: sometimes that lessons actually click a lot better.
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  Speaker 2: That's where you grow. There's been so we've got these
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  Speaker 2: Happy Families memberships that people are paying you the twelve
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  Speaker 2: dollars a month or seventeen dollars a month for depending
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  Speaker 2: on if you're a member or a premium member, or
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: the infos at Happy families dot com dot IU not
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  Speaker 2: sharing that as a plug so much is to highlight
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  Speaker 2: that this is a process. And we had one member.
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  Speaker 2: I won't mention this member's name, but she joined up
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  Speaker 2: towards the beginning of our Happy Families memberships, and it
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  Speaker 2: was really clear. She was quite explicit with us about
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  Speaker 2: how hard family life was and how much she was
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  Speaker 2: getting it wrong, and how she felt like she was
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  Speaker 2: a lost cause. And it's been maybe three or four months,
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  Speaker 2: but this particular member has been really engaged at a
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  Speaker 2: level that very few members have. She's absolutely said, if
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  Speaker 2: I'm paying this seventeen dollars a month, I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: get every single sense worth that I can out of it.
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  Speaker 2: And we've seen this shift, haven't we received She's seen
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  Speaker 2: this huge shift as she's gone through a painful process,
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  Speaker 2: and there's been a few times where she said, I
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  Speaker 2: can't do it anymore. It's too hard, I can't make
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  Speaker 2: my family happy. And recently we've had this engagement with
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  Speaker 2: her where she's like, not only is it making my
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  Speaker 2: family happy, but I've brought my friend into the membership
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  Speaker 2: because she wants to have a happy family like mine.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, it's transformational, but it takes time, and it's
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  Speaker 2: normally not eight weeks or sixteen weeks. It's normally a
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  Speaker 2: lot longer, and I'm sure that this person will have
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  Speaker 2: plenty of troughs and valleys before climbing new mountains. But
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  Speaker 2: that's kind of it, right. That's why we have this
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  Speaker 2: segment called I'll do Better Tomorrow, because for the last
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  Speaker 2: twenty years you and I have been saying I got
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  Speaker 2: that wrong. I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: So maybe after the break we can kind of share
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  Speaker 1: a couple of things that we probably need to work
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  Speaker 1: on a little bit. Next week, it's the Happy Famili's
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  Speaker 1: podcat for.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: A happier family. Try a Happy Families membership, because a
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families dot
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  Speaker 2: com a It's the Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for
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  Speaker 2: the time poor parent who just wants answers. Now we're
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: talking about I'll do better tomorrow, and I've got to
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  Speaker 2: confess I absolutely blew it. Last Sunday. You know, Sunday's
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  Speaker 2: the day of rest. It's the day where we're supposed
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  Speaker 2: to have good quality family time. And I can't remember when,
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  Speaker 2: but some sort of sometime around mid morning, I stepped
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  Speaker 2: into the living room with a couple of games under
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  Speaker 2: my arms. I said, all right, kids, it's games time
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  Speaker 2: and we were going to learn a new game. We're
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  Speaker 2: going to play some games.
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  Speaker 1: Well, see, that's where you went wrong. You set it
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  Speaker 1: up so high we had to learn a new game.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I can't remember what happened. I think we
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  Speaker 2: got a visitor, unexpected visitor, and all of a sudden,
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  Speaker 2: the games sort of went out the window. But we
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  Speaker 2: never actually went back to the games for the whole day.
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  Speaker 2: I promised the kids a games day and we didn't
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  Speaker 2: play an entire game. And I mean, I need to
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  Speaker 2: do better. I'll do better tomorrow. That's the purpose of
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  Speaker 2: this episode. We still get it wrong. And you know,
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  Speaker 2: that day, we had a commitment that evening and we
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  Speaker 2: had to prepare for that, and the kids actually kind
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  Speaker 2: of out. They certainly missed out on me and my
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  Speaker 2: best after making this promise that ended up going unfulfilled.
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  Speaker 2: How about you? Can you do better than that in
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  Speaker 2: terms of getting things wrong? Oh? I can do way
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  Speaker 2: better than that.
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  Speaker 1: This week, So this week has been a pretty it's
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  Speaker 1: been an emotional rollercoaster for me.
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  Speaker 2: This week.
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  Speaker 1: I've I've really struggled with keeping my emotions in check and.
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  Speaker 2: Can I just jump in. I think I know where
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  Speaker 2: you're going. Can I suggest that you've struggled to keep
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  Speaker 2: your emotions in check because you haven't been able to
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  Speaker 2: keep your hormones in check? Can I say that without
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  Speaker 2: getting punched?
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  Speaker 1: I think sometimes I think sometimes people kind of think
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  Speaker 1: hormones is just an excuse. But as I'm getting older,
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  Speaker 1: I am recognizing that hormones are playing a huge part
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  Speaker 1: in I guess my emotional wellbeing.
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  Speaker 2: For three or four days a month, only.
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  Speaker 1: For three or four days, but that three or four
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  Speaker 1: days feels like a really scary ride.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's been a rough week.
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  Speaker 1: It has been, and I think the hardest thing is
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: being kind to myself when I'm in that space.
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  Speaker 2: Would you be kind to us as well?
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  Speaker 1: You're really starting I'm sorry, being kind to myself and
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  Speaker 1: just recognizing that this isn't how it's always going to be.
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  Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's really easy to shouldn't Like you're
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  Speaker 1: sitting on the other side of the room right now.
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  Speaker 1: And so the big challenge for me this week is
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  Speaker 1: just kind of being able to receive feedback that might
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  Speaker 1: come my way with acceptance. That's been tricky. One of
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  Speaker 1: the things that I have loved in this journey that
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  Speaker 1: we've taken together is seeing I guess your ability is
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  Speaker 1: my husband to evolve through that process with me. And
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  Speaker 1: in the early days it was pretty messy. We really
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  Speaker 1: kind of butted heads in that kind of hormonal space
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  Speaker 1: because you just had no clue.
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  Speaker 2: You really didn't.
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  Speaker 1: You didn't have a clue what was going on. You
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: were so caught up in wanting to fix the problem,
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  Speaker 1: and I didn't think I needed to be fixed.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also kind of wanted to blame you.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, we should do an entire podcast episode about this,
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  Speaker 2: if you're willing to go there.
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  Speaker 1: Because I'd take one for the team.
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  Speaker 2: Ladies. Well, I wanted to blame you though, because I
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  Speaker 2: wanted to just say, well, it's in your head, you know, like, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: sure it might be hormones, but just push through it,
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  Speaker 2: Like stop letting your hormones determine whether you're going to
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: be nice to me or nice to our children. And
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  Speaker 2: I think to sort of round out, at least as
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  Speaker 2: part of the story. Over the last however, many months, years, whatever,
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  Speaker 2: it's been my acceptance that this is just going to
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  Speaker 2: be a really rough ride for a few days has
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  Speaker 2: actually helped you to get through it much better, would
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  Speaker 2: that be fair to say? Very much? So?
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  Speaker 1: I think that you know, knowing that I'm not going
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  Speaker 1: to receive any resistance from you or pressure to just
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  Speaker 1: pick myself up and move forward, and receiving just acceptance
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  Speaker 1: that this is where I'm at right now and it's okay.
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  Speaker 2: So now you're making it sound like we're perfect again,
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  Speaker 2: but we're not. It hasn't been a great week.
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  Speaker 1: Let's be honest, it's been a really tough week.
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  Speaker 2: So Maureen, there you go. I hope that satisfies you
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  Speaker 2: and helps you to realize that even the happy family's
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  Speaker 2: family have our moments from time to time, whether it's
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: just not fulfilling the promise of playing the board games
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  Speaker 2: on Sunday or some other monthly menstrual mania that happens
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: to our family.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Amia, are you making this really big?
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  Speaker 2: Now? Hey, we really appreciate you listening to the podcast.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: We hope that it brings you some joy and gives
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: you some hope and a sense that your family can
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: be happy even when things aren't quite right. If you
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: do enjoy the podcast, please leave us a rating and review.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: We love getting those five star reviews come through on
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts. It only takes a second and it really
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: makes a difference for helping other people to find out
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: about the podcast. We'll share a few of them in
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: the next couple of days, and please share your feedback.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Email podcasts with an s podcasts at happy families dot
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: com dot au. The Happy Families podcast is produced by
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Justin Roulin and our executive producer is Craig Bruce. If
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: you'd like more info about how we can make your
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: family happier and then maybe even join the Happy Families family,
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: go to happy families dot com dot you and click
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: on Memberships, or you can follow us on Facebook at
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: doctor Justin Coulson's Happy Families