Latest / soulful biz guidance / you matter. your health matters

Transcript

you matter. your health matters · soulful biz guidance

0:09
SPEAKER_02: Hey, we're live.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: Posted appears now.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: I love the lag.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, hello, hello,
0:22
SPEAKER_00: and welcome to Whispers of Inner Power,
0:24
SPEAKER_00: the interview series for highly sensitive women in business.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Today I'm joined by Amber Horrocks,
0:30
SPEAKER_00: a soul-led writer, mystic,
0:34
SPEAKER_00: and nurturing visionary healer who helps people living with chronic illness
0:38
SPEAKER_00: and Thank you so much for joining us, Amber.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: How are you doing today?
0:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's amazing.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: It's amazing to be here.
0:51
SPEAKER_02: And actually, I'm in quite good spirits today.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: I think I mentioned in our email chat, but I never responded what it was.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: I took a fall at the weekend, so I've got a gigantic fall.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: But overall, I'm in good spirits and I'm pleased to be here.
1:07
SPEAKER_02: So thank you very much for inviting me on your new live show.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: And it's a pleasure really to have you and to touch on such an important topic
1:17
SPEAKER_00: because I know so many people,
1:20
SPEAKER_00: myself included,
1:21
SPEAKER_00: yourself included, who go through chronic pain, migraines, things like that.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: And just so amazing.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: I love your work.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: I love how you Talk and share of your story on your Substack.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: And it just, it's not even a permission slip.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: It's so empowering, really,
1:41
SPEAKER_00: to see your journey,
1:43
SPEAKER_00: to read about your journey and to have that feeling of not only being seen
1:47
SPEAKER_00: because you're not alone,
1:49
SPEAKER_00: but also you don't have to live this way or you don't have to Try and act as
1:55
SPEAKER_00: if it wasn't there at the same time.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for that.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: For the people who
2:01
SPEAKER_00: have no idea who you are and what you do,
2:05
SPEAKER_00: can you tell us a bit more about you and also what brought you to do the work
2:09
SPEAKER_00: that you do?
2:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so my name is Amber and my platform on Substack,
2:15
SPEAKER_02: which I absolutely love,
2:16
SPEAKER_02: I love being here, is called Warrior Within, Root, Reclaim, Rise.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: The seed was planted in me to write a book several years ago and that was back
2:27
SPEAKER_02: when I didn't think I had anything worthy of sharing with anyone.
2:30
SPEAKER_02: I didn't feel like I was doing anything different to what other people might do
2:35
SPEAKER_02: if they found themselves in my frightful situation.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: I had no idea at that stage that chronic migraine was disabling not just a few
2:45
SPEAKER_02: of us around the world but actually many, people.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: Many, hundreds of millions on the chronic migraine side.
2:52
SPEAKER_02: And then when you factor in all the other chronic illnesses,
2:54
SPEAKER_02: which of course I knew little about at that time as well,
2:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think it's a couple of billion are living with chronic pain.
3:03
SPEAKER_02: From some statistics I saw from a doctor who had written a book,
3:06
SPEAKER_02: which I can't think of the name right now, but that's a lot of people and
3:14
SPEAKER_02: I did begin to write on Instagram and Facebook short posts about six and a half, six years ago.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: I was just going into a massive relapse
3:27
SPEAKER_02: and beginning the journey
3:30
SPEAKER_02: of finding my own voice and reclaiming my power from my route
3:36
SPEAKER_02: and I would literally show up Physically shaking about the topics
3:41
SPEAKER_02: that I was speaking to,
3:42
SPEAKER_02: you know,
3:43
SPEAKER_02: things like body image,
3:44
SPEAKER_02: which I've struggled with immensely throughout my life,
3:47
SPEAKER_02: puking into a bin,
3:49
SPEAKER_02: which was just my normal kind of weekend,
3:52
SPEAKER_02: day, time, occurrence, cyclical vomiting as well.
3:55
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, not just once or two or three or four times, but like many times as my norm.
4:04
SPEAKER_02: Admitting my vulnerabilities,
4:05
SPEAKER_02: so I think one of the first ones I admitted on Instagram was
4:13
SPEAKER_02: my struggle
4:14
SPEAKER_02: with slowing down and I had absolutely no idea
4:18
SPEAKER_02: that these things were very commonplace until I announced it
4:22
SPEAKER_02: and I remember feeling physically sick to my stomach and then when I wrote a piece
4:27
SPEAKER_02: on it on Substack I came across here four years ago And I wrote a piece
4:31
SPEAKER_02: that I'd felt, you know, you described me as a sole-led writer.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: I do write by inspiration rather than kind of having this strategy and it all mapped
4:39
SPEAKER_02: and figured out.
4:40
SPEAKER_02: I just, I go with a thread.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: And there was a thread that I'd wanted to write to for quite a while.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: And I called it On Slowing Down, The Struggle Is Real.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: And it went overnight instantly into the highest read and most engaged.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: Still now, I mean, I wrote a couple of years ago, but still now.
5:00
SPEAKER_02: And in the process of writing that,
5:03
SPEAKER_02: a lot of grief bubbled up and it had been grief over the before days that had been
5:08
SPEAKER_02: with me for quite a few years as well as grief about the losses of friendships
5:12
SPEAKER_02: and people in my life and even the grief over a lost childhood.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, that's...
5:19
SPEAKER_02: Speaking to the topics that no one else is speaking about,
5:22
SPEAKER_02: obviously things have changed with the rise of Substack,
5:24
SPEAKER_02: but when I started writing several years ago,
5:26
SPEAKER_02: it felt like these topics,
5:28
SPEAKER_02: and it still does, that we need to be speaking about these topics.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: I hid the fact that I was living with severe and agonising pain
5:39
SPEAKER_02: and debilitating migraine attacks for 20 years.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: I kept quiet about it out of fear of being ill.
5:45
SPEAKER_02: Seen as attention-seeking and not being believed.
5:48
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, it's great to be here.
5:50
SPEAKER_02: And it's just such a wonderful space.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: I've got so many deep connections and people that have befriended that I've never met in life.
6:02
SPEAKER_02: It's just, yeah, it's a joy to be here.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I really get that.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: That's not how I used to feel, by the way, so...
6:08
SPEAKER_00: I really get that on Substack as well.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for giving such a full introduction.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: And I really, 20 years without speaking about your migraines, that's huge.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: And I really get the feeling of,
6:25
SPEAKER_00: or the fear of being perceived as attention seeking or not really understood.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: I think that Well, from my experience, I have migraines.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: They're not debilitating in the sense that it's maybe two or three per month.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: It's not like I know I have clients and friends who have like three per week,
6:44
SPEAKER_00: you know, or like the whole week is taken over by migraines.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: So I feel grateful in that sense that I don't have to experience that.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: But I know my husband, for instance, has never had a migraine in his life.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, headache is all he knows.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, You have no idea.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: You have just no idea.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not just a pain.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: I feel like my nervous system is...
7:09
SPEAKER_00: You know,
7:09
SPEAKER_00: controlled by this and I have pain everywhere in my body and I want to throw up
7:14
SPEAKER_00: and I can't think and I look like I'm, my face is like I'm dying.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: It's like life is out of me.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that if you haven't experienced it, you don't know what it is.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: You cannot imagine.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh, come on.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: It's just a headache.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: Take a pill.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I took eight pills.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
7:35
SPEAKER_00: It's not like a button you can press.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: I think it's with everything that you experience or that you don't know is
7:45
SPEAKER_00: as widespread as it is.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: You feel alone.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: You feel lonely in this.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: You feel alone.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: You feel like it's something that is rare and that maybe is not going to be believed.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm curious, when you started speaking about it, what made you start speaking about it?
8:05
SPEAKER_00: And how did people respond to that?
8:11
SPEAKER_02: So I didn't start speaking about her until my entire life collapsed.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: So in
8:19
SPEAKER_02: the end of 2014, my dad came to visit and announced he had an aggressive form of cancer.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: And within a few weeks, me and my boyfriend of seven years who were living together...
8:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, split up the week of Christmas.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: I moved 40 miles to be near a work in my infinite wisdom,
8:38
SPEAKER_02: away from all of my friends and somewhere that I'd forgotten was the first place
8:44
SPEAKER_02: that I'd ever lived that felt like home.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: Once I'd moved to a new city where I knew no one,
8:50
SPEAKER_02: work problems ensued, um,
8:52
SPEAKER_02: I was really struggling with the breakup and the heartbreak,
8:56
SPEAKER_02: depression set in and, um,
8:59
SPEAKER_02: My drinking,
9:00
SPEAKER_02: which had always been,
9:02
SPEAKER_02: I've always binged drank, like numbing out was my coping mechanism for 20 years.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: I can't see that I would have survived what I've lived through and endured all
9:11
SPEAKER_02: that time without having numbing out mechanisms, which included you.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: So my drinking went through the roof, I was drinking on the surfer until I passed out by myself.
9:23
SPEAKER_02: And then the migraine attacks that had always been around increased
9:30
SPEAKER_02: and they increased like never before and they were longer lasting and more frequent.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: The same level of severity of pain I'd always lived with from the age of 18.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: And so I went on to have a mental breakdown,
9:46
SPEAKER_02: nearly take my own life,
9:48
SPEAKER_02: and at that point I started to speak out and I said to my then boyfriend,
9:52
SPEAKER_02: I need to talk to somebody, I am desperate.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: And lo and behold,
10:00
SPEAKER_02: his friend's partner was a counsellor and he said,
10:04
SPEAKER_02: do you want me to see if he'll speak to you?
10:06
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, yes.
10:08
SPEAKER_02: And I didn't even care that we saw these people on nights out and
10:11
SPEAKER_02: that this person knew that behind the performance,
10:16
SPEAKER_02: you know, was a very severely mentally depleted suffering person.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: That was alongside this.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: My dad's aggressive cancer hadn't been found in time and...
10:35
SPEAKER_02: He went on to die and within three months of his death,
10:40
SPEAKER_02: that's when my physical health collapsed entirely.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: Alongside this,
10:44
SPEAKER_02: it had just been longer lasting,
10:47
SPEAKER_02: more frequent until it was all of my, you know, all of my life.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: And I look back now, I mean,
10:55
SPEAKER_02: obviously I couldn't connect with any of this at the time,
10:58
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know what the hell was going on,
11:01
SPEAKER_02: I still hadn't been diagnosed with migraine,
11:04
SPEAKER_02: even though I'd told doctors that's what it was since 1998,
11:06
SPEAKER_02: took until 2017 to receive a diagnosis.
11:13
SPEAKER_02: I see that I kind of woke up,
11:15
SPEAKER_02: it was like an awakening,
11:16
SPEAKER_02: I woke up to how serious I It was for the first time how severe it was in a way
11:23
SPEAKER_02: that no one around me had, like loved ones, doctors.
11:29
SPEAKER_02: I still hadn't seen a specialist and I'd lost my job by then,
11:34
SPEAKER_02: career income,
11:35
SPEAKER_02: like couldn't function in the way that I'd been performing all the time before that.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: So yeah,
11:44
SPEAKER_02: that was when I kind of,
11:47
SPEAKER_02: I'm back on this journey of taking back the reigns of creation for my own life,
11:51
SPEAKER_02: my own health,
11:52
SPEAKER_02: my own healing,
11:53
SPEAKER_02: and the response to that,
11:56
SPEAKER_02: which you did ask about,
11:57
SPEAKER_02: so I'll speak to that now,
11:58
SPEAKER_02: was that I was selfish,
12:00
SPEAKER_02: I was told I was selfish,
12:02
SPEAKER_02: that I was too vulnerable to be making decisions about my health,
12:07
SPEAKER_02: and that I didn't know what I was doing,
12:09
SPEAKER_02: and that I should listen to the specialists who were telling me not
12:14
SPEAKER_02: to bother making any changes.
12:17
SPEAKER_02: And because I had found my voice to ask what support is available to me,
12:23
SPEAKER_02: I'd identified that as a need.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: The response was, there isn't any.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm surprised.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I was expecting a better response than that.
12:37
SPEAKER_02: Everyone rallied around.
12:39
SPEAKER_02: Everyone came to my rescue.
12:40
SPEAKER_02: I mean,
12:41
SPEAKER_02: there was that part of me that was absolutely dying and desperate for You know,
12:46
SPEAKER_02: my boyfriend,
12:47
SPEAKER_02: a doctor, a specialist, anyone, I didn't care, someone off the street to rescue me.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: Scoop me up in your arms and tell me that everything will be all right and
12:55
SPEAKER_02: that I don't need to worry about everything,
12:57
SPEAKER_02: anything, because my needs will be taken care of while
13:00
SPEAKER_01: I figure this out.
13:00
SPEAKER_02: But, of course, that's not how it happens.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: So then what happens?
13:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:17
SPEAKER_02: I speak to this in my book because it's taken a lot to sit with this
13:23
SPEAKER_02: because obviously at the collapse of your life, everything seems hopeless.
13:27
SPEAKER_02: You're told that there's nothing you can do about it so not to bother making any changes.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: Are you going to stay this way for the rest of your life?
13:34
SPEAKER_02: And I did accept my disabled state.
13:36
SPEAKER_02: I know a lot of us...
13:39
SPEAKER_02: Have our own experiences around this and obviously it did take me 20 years
13:43
SPEAKER_02: to be able to accept this but when my neurologist said this is one of
13:45
SPEAKER_02: the world's most disabling diseases a person can live with,
13:50
SPEAKER_02: I then responded oh I didn't know that but that is exactly how I feel.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: So whilst I was able to accept my life and my limitations and what had happened and
14:03
SPEAKER_02: that I was disabled,
14:05
SPEAKER_02: what I've So the part that
14:16
SPEAKER_02: mentioned that I speak to in my book,
14:19
SPEAKER_02: it was like I brought in a series of things to help me.
14:24
SPEAKER_02: So one was like drowning out the noise,
14:25
SPEAKER_02: so even though that noise was around me and it was loud and it was so difficult
14:31
SPEAKER_02: to have loved ones around me telling me that I didn't know what I was doing and
14:34
SPEAKER_02: that I had no right.
14:36
SPEAKER_02: I still found a way to kind of drown out that noise,
14:39
SPEAKER_02: you know, work colleagues, loved ones, doctors, including specialists.
14:45
SPEAKER_02: And of course, I couldn't see how bonkers that would look.
14:49
SPEAKER_02: So I couldn't appreciate that from the angle that I can now where I can go,
14:53
SPEAKER_02: yes, that does look strange if you go against doctors' orders.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: They're telling you not to bother making any changes and you're sitting
14:59
SPEAKER_02: about your day creating change, you know, like.
15:03
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, I did.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: I drowned out the noise.
15:07
SPEAKER_02: I tuned into my own inner knowing for the first time in my life.
15:10
SPEAKER_02: I started listening to what was true for me,
15:12
SPEAKER_02: what was coming up for my attention,
15:14
SPEAKER_02: where my guidance was directing me,
15:18
SPEAKER_02: which I only know this because I wrote it down at two o'clock in the morning,
15:22
SPEAKER_02: one morning around the time that this full collapse happened in June 2018.
15:28
SPEAKER_02: And at two o'clock in the morning, I wrote, I know that change is what is needed.
15:34
SPEAKER_02: I know it's going to take me a long time, but I matter.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: My health matters.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: And then from that day,
15:43
SPEAKER_02: I can see now how I really started each new day from this new belief system.
15:49
SPEAKER_02: I've never tricked myself like I mattered.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: I didn't even factor my health.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: To everyone else, I looked healthy because I was able to perform wellness.
15:59
SPEAKER_02: So...
16:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'd never treat myself like I mattered.
16:02
SPEAKER_02: And from that point on, I did.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: And that was guiding me to like, oh, someone said cut out gluten.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: It might help for migraine.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: When I asked my neurologist, that's when he said I wouldn't bother.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: But I was coming from a place where actually I matter.
16:18
SPEAKER_02: My health matters.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: And that's telling me that it's worth pursuing.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Someone recommended the Migraine Miracle,
16:27
SPEAKER_02: which did confirm Cut out gluten and sugar and I just went
16:32
SPEAKER_02: and started making these little steps, little steps.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: It was too difficult to be piling on the pressure and making all these big dietary changes.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: But another guiding principle,
16:43
SPEAKER_02: as well as the drowning out the noise,
16:45
SPEAKER_02: tuning into my own inner knowing,
16:46
SPEAKER_02: was start with where you are, Amber, and work with what you've got.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: Just do that.
16:52
SPEAKER_02: Don't think about what you haven't got or what you wish you had.
16:57
SPEAKER_02: Just start with where you are and work with what you've got.
17:00
SPEAKER_02: And it was very limited, the migraine knowledge and understanding that I had back then.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: But I had snippets and I started, you know, it's an inflammatory condition, for example.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: And so I thought, well,
17:13
SPEAKER_02: if it's an inflammatory condition,
17:15
SPEAKER_02: then surely I want to calm some of this inflammation in my body down.
17:19
SPEAKER_02: Like maybe that will help reduce the frequency or the severity,
17:24
SPEAKER_02: anything that You know, it could have been minimal.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: That was dumb.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: I've got goosebumps for you sharing that.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: It's such an amazing story and moment, you know, of reclaiming your own worth and voice.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Like you said, it's not just the voice you express, it's also the voice within yourself.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Like I know that I matter and that Your intuition can also guide you towards things
17:52
SPEAKER_00: that might be worth pursuing, like you were saying.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: You mentioned that you lost your income twice during the pandemic.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: Yes,
18:05
SPEAKER_02: I gave myself three months off
18:10
SPEAKER_02: and actually experienced so many health improvements
18:13
SPEAKER_02: in that.
18:13
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was still horrifically ill,
18:15
SPEAKER_02: but Health improvements that I'd never experienced before and I still didn't again
18:21
SPEAKER_02: for years with alleviating that pressure to work and to perform.
18:28
SPEAKER_02: But once the three months was up,
18:30
SPEAKER_02: I literally said to myself, right,
18:32
SPEAKER_02: enough of this Amber,
18:33
SPEAKER_02: you've got to get back to work, you've got to get back to real life.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: And although it still looked differently because I retrained
18:40
SPEAKER_02: to Carry out mobile beauty treatments which did turn out to kind of support me
18:49
SPEAKER_02: in terms of like relaxing treatments,
18:51
SPEAKER_02: relaxing spaces, seeing clients on a one-to-one, sharing my story.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: I mean I must have shared the reality of what I was living with in ways I never had
19:00
SPEAKER_02: before time and time again.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Clients were then sharing their challenges and experiences with me.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: I was able to connect to my breath when I was doing facials and nails and things,
19:12
SPEAKER_02: which obviously improved their experience but helped me with mine.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: But yeah,
19:18
SPEAKER_02: I did that under quite a bit of pressure,
19:19
SPEAKER_02: unfortunately,
19:20
SPEAKER_02: but I really enjoyed it and it just, it helped me work a little bit around illness.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: And of course,
19:27
SPEAKER_02: the shame that comes with not working and the biggest question
19:31
SPEAKER_02: that people would ask me was, you don't even have any kids, Amber.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: You haven't got a job.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: What do you do all day?
19:38
SPEAKER_02: And you're like, are you freaking kidding me?
19:41
SPEAKER_02: And it took me four years to be able to answer that question.
19:44
SPEAKER_02: What do you do all day?
19:45
SPEAKER_02: It became my first blog on here, actually.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: What does a day in the life of...
19:48
SPEAKER_02: I called it Going Against the Grain initially.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: And then I later renamed it What Does a Day in the Life of the Deeper Healing Look Like?
19:56
SPEAKER_02: Because that was the response to that question.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: But it took me four years to be able to express it and give voice to it and do so
20:02
SPEAKER_02: with grace, you know.
20:03
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: It's just incredible because I think everyone,
20:15
SPEAKER_00: it's something I keep saying,
20:17
SPEAKER_00: I think every one of us has their own challenges and their own limitations,
20:22
SPEAKER_00: but we can become so caught up in our own Story in our own circumstances
20:29
SPEAKER_00: that we're like, this is hard and anyone else's.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: If you don't have my difficulties, then you should be doing so much better.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: And yes, it is challenging to have children.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: I have two.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm homeschooling them.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm an entrepreneur as well.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Of course,
20:46
SPEAKER_00: it comes with challenges,
20:48
SPEAKER_00: but it's not because it comes with challenges that someone
20:51
SPEAKER_00: without children doesn't have their own challenges.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: It's so self-centered to say that.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: We have a tendency as humans to believe that the grass is greener somewhere else.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of a way to like, it should be easy for you.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: What do you do all day?
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: I love what you share about using the beauty practices to actually relax also
21:18
SPEAKER_00: as well and to create that almost mindful experience for you and for your clients.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: And I want to speak a little bit about the guilt because it was present there
21:31
SPEAKER_00: in what you shared, the guilt of pushing yourself to go back to work.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you don't even have kids.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: It should be easy.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: Things like that.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: And this is really something I've felt myself,
21:42
SPEAKER_00: but I've also heard a lot from the women that I speak to and support.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: So they become self-employed.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Often because, oh,
21:54
SPEAKER_00: it's impossible to actually keep a nine to five job because it is debilitating
22:00
SPEAKER_00: to have that chronic pain.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: But then running your business is also very, very demanding.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: And there's this kind of fear slash guilt.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: It's guilt, but it's also fear, I feel, mostly of like, I cannot show up enough.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: I cannot show up like someone else who doesn't have Chronic pain can show up.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: It's the same for kids, by the way, but let's focus on chronic pain.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Cannot be productive enough.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: Or let's say if they are...
22:31
SPEAKER_00: 10 days out of 30 that I cannot be productive because those are the days I feel sick
22:37
SPEAKER_00: and I have migraines or I have pain.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Then the 20 other days I need to work twice as hard to make up for
22:44
SPEAKER_00: the time I wasn't able to work,
22:46
SPEAKER_00: which of course is like,
22:47
SPEAKER_00: and it's even worse because you're
22:52
SPEAKER_00: causing yourself to be even more in more stress.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: So they feel like their body isn't cooperating.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: What would you say now to them?
23:06
SPEAKER_02: To who?
23:06
SPEAKER_02: To my friends?
23:09
SPEAKER_00: To these women who feel that they cannot succeed because of their condition?
23:17
SPEAKER_02: Well, I would start by saying you matter.
23:21
SPEAKER_02: Your health matters.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: And, you know,
23:24
SPEAKER_02: some of the greatest challenges at meeting ourselves where we're at and
23:30
SPEAKER_02: to follow one from the guiding companions,
23:32
SPEAKER_02: another one was to do what you can when you can.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: It is so freaking limited what we can do.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: So doing what you can when you can.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: One of the greatest challenges to go with that is like you can literally barely do anything.
23:45
SPEAKER_02: You know, there are the days where you can't get out of bed.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: Because you are quite literally bed bound.
23:52
SPEAKER_02: There are the days where you can get up but you can't do anything
23:55
SPEAKER_02: and you can't understand why and you can't move and you can't function.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it doesn't feel like it.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: Like I used to sit,
24:09
SPEAKER_02: when I could get out of bed,
24:10
SPEAKER_02: I would sit in a In an egg chair I had that looked out the windows looking at trees
24:16
SPEAKER_02: and I would just stare at them for hours
24:18
SPEAKER_02: and I couldn't understand why I couldn't move or do anything.
24:22
SPEAKER_02: But when I look back now,
24:25
SPEAKER_02: I can see that that was my body being forced into a place of deep rest.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: And that looking out the windows,
24:34
SPEAKER_02: gazing at the trees,
24:35
SPEAKER_02: just staring at them,
24:37
SPEAKER_02: even though it was quite mindlessly,
24:39
SPEAKER_02: was, there was, the healing was happening there.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know that,
24:44
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't put words to that,
24:45
SPEAKER_02: you know,
24:47
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know,
24:47
SPEAKER_02: you know,
24:49
SPEAKER_02: but healing was happening and I see that now and connecting with nature
24:53
SPEAKER_02: in ways like looking through the window, for example, at trees.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: Looking out the window,
24:58
SPEAKER_02: I'd be in bed a lot looking out because I couldn't,
25:00
SPEAKER_02: you know, I'd be in bed a lot looking at the sunset.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: And I remember a client buying me, not buying me, gifting me a cutting from her spider plant.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: So even though I couldn't get out and access things in the same way I was before,
25:17
SPEAKER_02: I was kind of like bringing it in and connecting with nature in those ways.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, when...
25:27
SPEAKER_02: When we remind ourselves that we do matter,
25:30
SPEAKER_02: our health matters,
25:33
SPEAKER_02: and that things might be happening beyond our control and all
25:36
SPEAKER_02: of it we might not understand.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: But I look back now and see that as opening up a space to connect
25:45
SPEAKER_02: with those beliefs,
25:46
SPEAKER_02: to tune into insights that were coming through and up for me,
25:52
SPEAKER_02: that there were little And snippets of guidance coming through, like next steps.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: And of course, I didn't have anything mapped out or figured out.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: I had no idea what lay ahead or what was possible.
26:04
SPEAKER_02: I just knew that I'd reached the end of the line with the norm and what I was told
26:10
SPEAKER_02: and what you should do.
26:15
SPEAKER_02: And that really helped me to go, well, OK, then that's just a complete dead end.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: You're telling me there's no hope and I'm never going to get better.
26:23
SPEAKER_02: Okay, well,
26:25
SPEAKER_02: this path's the unknown,
26:26
SPEAKER_02: and I don't know if I'll get better,
26:29
SPEAKER_02: but at least there's a glimmer of hope that I might.
26:32
SPEAKER_02: You know, I might, just might.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, and it's redefining success as well, I guess, isn't it?
26:42
SPEAKER_02: You know, just sitting with that ourselves and asking ourselves the question.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: We know what success means to everyone else.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: We know what everyone else is painting all over Instagram, but...
26:52
SPEAKER_02: What does success look like to me?
26:57
SPEAKER_02: Because for me in those days,
26:59
SPEAKER_02: it might be getting up because I didn't have to and we can't always and
27:07
SPEAKER_02: then there were some times we don't want to.
27:09
SPEAKER_02: That to me was a huge success.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: We need to start celebrating that for anyone who's chronically ill and disabled.
27:15
SPEAKER_02: If you've got out of bed that day, that's a success.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: If you've written one word or one line in your journal, that's a success.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: If you've managed to eat a piece of fruit or...
27:33
SPEAKER_02: I used to feel like I was really winning at the game of life when I was able to put
27:37
SPEAKER_02: the slow cooker on because I started batch cooking soups.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: It was very difficult to eat in recovery from migraine attack.
27:45
SPEAKER_02: I would only ever eat ice cream because it was the only thing that I could get down
27:49
SPEAKER_02: And then when I heard a neurologist who'd shared that she'd studied the brain and
27:55
SPEAKER_02: the gut health link, she recommended lentil soup.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: Well, lucky for me, I happen to love that.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: So I'd put the slow cooker on and make a lot of batches of lentil soup when I could
28:07
SPEAKER_02: and then separate it into little, like,
28:10
SPEAKER_02: sandwich bags or something and then pop them in the freezer and
28:13
SPEAKER_02: then I'd just be able to take one out at a time.
28:15
SPEAKER_02: Enormous wins.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: It's a week worth of wins right there, isn't it?
28:19
SPEAKER_02: If you can get the slow cooker on and have something stocked in the freezer and then
28:24
SPEAKER_02: if you take one out and are able to eat it, another win.
28:27
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: That's the way I start looking at things and breaking things down anyway.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: I love that and I love the reframe because that's the thing, right?
28:35
SPEAKER_00: If you keep comparing yourself or your experience or what you do in
28:40
SPEAKER_00: a day versus what someone without the disability can do,
28:44
SPEAKER_00: then you always feel like a failure.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: You always feel like it's not enough.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: It's not, you know, what can you show for yourself?
28:52
SPEAKER_00: What can you show for your work?
28:53
SPEAKER_00: But seeing that everything is actually...
28:57
SPEAKER_00: Because it is.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: You're right.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: It absolutely is.
28:59
SPEAKER_00: Then you're already reframing the thoughts that you pour into yourself.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: And I believe that can completely affect your well-being.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: You know,
29:09
SPEAKER_00: when you see the impact that words have on an apple,
29:12
SPEAKER_00: for instance, if you keep telling yourself on a daily basis, wow,
29:16
SPEAKER_00: you got up,
29:17
SPEAKER_00: you brushed your teeth,
29:18
SPEAKER_00: you got fresh water in, and you prioritized your health versus your to-do list.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: That's already amazing to have that shift happen.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for sharing that.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: Before we went live, Amber,
29:38
SPEAKER_00: I was telling you that I have a beginning of a migraine and you were hinting at
29:43
SPEAKER_00: a possible practice that you would have for us.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: Would you mind guiding us through that?
29:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think because your page is to do with the inner power,
29:57
SPEAKER_02: and I see that reclaiming our power from the root starts right from our root of
30:04
SPEAKER_02: the body,
30:05
SPEAKER_02: right down at the bottom of the torso,
30:07
SPEAKER_02: in the pelvic region,
30:09
SPEAKER_02: then I'd love to guide us through a breathing practice with a caveat
30:14
SPEAKER_02: that we can stay with our breath.
30:18
SPEAKER_02: And breathe as we are or return to that at any time.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: There's like no pressure or expectation to join exactly what we're doing,
30:27
SPEAKER_02: especially if that doesn't feel like it's supportive to the body.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: For yourself, Jessica as well, but for anyone who's listening.
30:35
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, let's take a few moments to connect to our breath.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Then we start by finding our breath just as it is, meeting it as it is in this moment.
30:51
SPEAKER_02: Gently breathing in and gently breathing out.
31:03
SPEAKER_02: And you can close your eyes if you want to or take a gentle gaze to a space in front of you.
31:11
SPEAKER_02: This is all about us giving ourselves permission.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Us knowing that in this moment we say yes to the guidance or no, not for me right now.
31:34
SPEAKER_02: So continuing to gently breathe.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: Perhaps noticing if you are breathing and the rise and fall is in your chest
31:49
SPEAKER_02: or
31:49
SPEAKER_02: if it's deep down nearer the belly.
31:54
SPEAKER_02: Maybe again if it feels good and supportive to you you might like to place a hand
32:00
SPEAKER_02: on your chest and or one on your belly.
32:10
SPEAKER_02: And in this space we're not looking to fix or change anything.
32:16
SPEAKER_02: Like I say, this is the invitation to meet ourselves where we are in this moment initially.
32:28
SPEAKER_02: And you might notice, like me, that your breath naturally changes a little anyway.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm now breathing through my belly and my chest,
32:40
SPEAKER_02: not just
32:44
SPEAKER_02: one or the other and it is opening up a little bit.
32:48
SPEAKER_02: Perhaps yours is too, perhaps it's just the same.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: We're simply looking to observe and not make any judgements.
33:05
SPEAKER_02: If we can, I know that's easier said than done.
33:15
SPEAKER_02: And let's remind ourselves in this moment that our breath is the one thing
33:20
SPEAKER_02: that we can come back to at any time,
33:28
SPEAKER_02: any point in our lives.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: At any time,
33:33
SPEAKER_02: even the first time I started to connect with this as a practice,
33:37
SPEAKER_02: was
33:42
SPEAKER_02: at the most severe and disabling end of illness,
33:46
SPEAKER_02: at times when I couldn't speak or eat or drink or move.
33:51
SPEAKER_02: So this is the one thing that we can return to.
34:01
SPEAKER_02: And if we want to stay continuing with the gentle breathing in and
34:07
SPEAKER_02: the gentle breathing out, then you're very welcome to stay with that.
34:11
SPEAKER_02: Or like I said,
34:12
SPEAKER_02: return to it at any time if what we do next is not something you want to stay with.
34:24
SPEAKER_02: But if you would like to, let's now take our breaths.
34:33
SPEAKER_02: To breathe into our pelvic region,
34:35
SPEAKER_02: so to breathe as though we are breathing into our pelvic region.
34:43
SPEAKER_02: So taking that right down into the bottom of our body, our torso,
34:50
SPEAKER_02: into the pelvic area.
34:56
SPEAKER_02: If that feels like something you want to move to,
35:03
SPEAKER_02: For some of us it might be a familiar practice.
35:10
SPEAKER_02: For some of us it might be entirely brand new.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: So it might feel welcoming.
35:16
SPEAKER_02: It might not.
35:22
SPEAKER_02: But if you want to stay with this as a practice,
35:25
SPEAKER_02: continue breathing as though you're breathing into your pelvic region.
35:33
SPEAKER_02: Like I say, just gently notice if it feels familiar to you or unfamiliar.
35:49
SPEAKER_02: For me, it was a part of my body I've never connected to before.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: I've never, never been able to feel that part of my body.
36:00
SPEAKER_02: So there could be all sorts,
36:02
SPEAKER_02: there could be numbness,
36:07
SPEAKER_02: it could feel tight, tense,
36:13
SPEAKER_02: as well as open, connected.
36:31
SPEAKER_02: Continuing with a few more gentle breaths in the pelvic region or
36:38
SPEAKER_02: return to your normal state of breathing if preferred.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: Perhaps reminding ourselves of that seat, that support, rising up to metres beneath us.
37:00
SPEAKER_02: Behind us, underneath us if we're lying down.
37:08
SPEAKER_02: And then if you haven't already,
37:10
SPEAKER_02: coming back to your breath as the body wants to breathe or as it was before.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: And using your breath to gently come back into the space that you're in.
37:36
SPEAKER_02: Into the room that you're in in this space that we're here in together.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: Bring in some gentle movement if that feels good to you.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: Maybe even a stretch.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: Always a stretch.
37:55
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
37:57
SPEAKER_02: Actually, you've been seated quite a bit as well.
37:59
SPEAKER_02: It's nice.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
38:06
SPEAKER_02: That's helped me.
38:07
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how you all feel.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: I've seen that Marie-Louise shared a comment earlier.
38:12
SPEAKER_02: This is so relatable.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm so glad that what I'm sharing is resonating and I hope you were able to receive
38:20
SPEAKER_02: from that practice and experience the benefits.
38:23
SPEAKER_02: I feel a bit lighter and brighter.
38:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, me too.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, that's such a wonderful day today.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for guiding us and thank you for this time together.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: I think your book just came out, right?
38:39
SPEAKER_00: Migraine.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: Where was it?
38:43
SPEAKER_00: What was the title?
38:44
SPEAKER_00: I lost it.
38:45
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: The book title is Migraine.
38:48
SPEAKER_02: The hook is Reclaim Rise.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm just in the process of publishing it.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: So it's being available for pre-order with the publishing date of October.
38:57
SPEAKER_02: So hopefully that's coming up next month.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: So excited.
39:01
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: That's really amazing and amazing that you're sharing your story and
39:09
SPEAKER_00: that you're sharing practices for everyone to feel better.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: Is there something else you'd like to share with us?
39:19
SPEAKER_02: No, not really.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: I was just going to speak to the book.
39:21
SPEAKER_02: It's just been so difficult to articulate and express the magnitude of the journey
39:27
SPEAKER_02: that I've been on.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: Even, you know,
39:30
SPEAKER_02: throughout my adulthood,
39:31
SPEAKER_02: never mind what happened and what changed beyond the full collapse of my life,
39:37
SPEAKER_02: which the number one questions I used to get asked was, what's changed?
39:40
SPEAKER_02: And I used to find that quite triggering.
39:43
SPEAKER_02: Because inside that little person would be going, what's changed?
39:46
SPEAKER_02: What's freaking changed?
39:48
SPEAKER_02: My whole life, that's what's freaking changed.
39:51
SPEAKER_02: And then a lot of people will want to know what's the one thing, well...
39:55
SPEAKER_02: We know there is no cure.
39:58
SPEAKER_02: I hate to break it to you, there is no one thing.
40:01
SPEAKER_02: And so it's been so difficult to articulate and express all of the things,
40:08
SPEAKER_02: but I'm now realising that the question,
40:14
SPEAKER_02: or a question that might arise for people,
40:18
SPEAKER_02: because there's just mind-body this, and nervous system that, and...
40:26
SPEAKER_02: Breath work and culture, you know, all this kind of stuff.
40:28
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, where do we even start and how do we know what's right for us or meant for us?
40:36
SPEAKER_02: And how do we do all the things?
40:38
SPEAKER_02: And that's what this book doesn't just teach you about.
40:43
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't just tell you because I realized I needed someone to show me.
40:46
SPEAKER_02: Don't just tell me.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: Show me,
40:49
SPEAKER_02: teach me,
40:49
SPEAKER_02: guide me,
40:50
SPEAKER_02: like be here with me and that's the intention for the book really to act as
40:54
SPEAKER_02: a companion by your side and a guide so it is my memoir but it's also
41:01
SPEAKER_02: an action guide and an integrative healing companion.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm really touched by that.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing because you've given the world what you needed.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's the most beautiful way of embodying our life mission and our purpose.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for this gift for the world.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: And thank you for your time and sharing your story so generously.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: And I'll add all your links in the description of the video.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: We'll publish the replay, obviously.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much, Amber.
41:35
SPEAKER_02: Amazing.
41:35
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: Thanks, everyone.
41:37
SPEAKER_00: Bye.