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"I Felt Like I Was A Boy:" Janick Christen's Testimony · The Becket Cook Show

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: You are listening to The Becket Cook Show with your
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  Speaker 2: host Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry,
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  Speaker 2: visit his website at Beckettcook dot com. To help support
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  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to the show today. I have a
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: special guest, Jennic Kristen. She's coming to us from Switzerland,
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  Speaker 1: and when she was very young, I think she was
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  Speaker 1: four years old, she thought she was a boy. Long
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  Speaker 1: story short, she ended up becoming She transitioned from female
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  Speaker 1: to male later on life when she was I think
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  Speaker 1: twenty four years old, and then years after that, she
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  Speaker 1: had this really radical encounter with God and he changed everything.
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  Speaker 1: And I just want to let you know there's a
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  Speaker 1: couple moments in our conversation where you might say, wait,
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  Speaker 1: what is she saying and because she says a couple
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  Speaker 1: of things that might confuse you, but we clarify those
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  Speaker 1: things later in the episode, So just just watch till
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  Speaker 1: the end, so please enjoy this episode. But first award
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  Speaker 1: from our sponsor, so welcome Jennik Kristen. Hi, Vacoate, it's
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  Speaker 1: so good to have you on. You're there in Switzerland,
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  Speaker 1: and well you were? You told me you were raised
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  Speaker 1: in a Christian family. Where were you raised?
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  Speaker 3: What country in Switzerland? I was born and raised in Switzerland.
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  Speaker 1: And what was that like, because you say that it
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  Speaker 1: was a dysfunctional family.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, absolute, So first of all, thank you so much
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  Speaker 3: for inviting me. It's such an honor to be with you.
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  Speaker 3: So thank you for that invitation. And yes, I was
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  Speaker 3: born and raised in Switzerland and my parents were actually
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  Speaker 3: I Will says, it's never possible to give something that
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  Speaker 3: you've not received. And you know, my father grew up
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  Speaker 3: in a very dysfunctional family himself. He never he was
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  Speaker 3: never sure of, you know, being loved. Same with my mom,
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  Speaker 3: but in different ways. She went through a lot of
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  Speaker 3: different kind of abuse. And it was not a time
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  Speaker 3: at that time we were not trying to see how okay,
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  Speaker 3: there is something maybe you can work on and maybe
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  Speaker 3: you know, not to give that back to your children
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  Speaker 3: or something like this. So I can tell you as
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  Speaker 3: a couple they were wonderful, really beautiful couple, very very
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  Speaker 3: in love together and such an example of love. But
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  Speaker 3: as parents it was more difficult. They went through a
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  Speaker 3: lot themselves, as I said, and then I went through
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  Speaker 3: a lot of different kind of abuse, violence, and the
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  Speaker 3: family was very dysfunctional because my father was never a son,
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  Speaker 3: and I think you cannot be a father when you've
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  Speaker 3: never been a son. And actually he just tried to
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  Speaker 3: do his best. My mother the same. I'm not trying,
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  Speaker 3: you know, to sue them or to say they were
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  Speaker 3: very bad or they did their best, but they went
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  Speaker 3: through so much that actually they were dysfunctional. And my
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  Speaker 3: father was present as a husband, as a man, but
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  Speaker 3: he was not present to help us to be built
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  Speaker 3: in our own identity. And as for my mother, she
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  Speaker 3: was really suffering in her own femininity. So she was
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  Speaker 3: not an example for me because she was struggling herself.
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  Speaker 3: So yeah, she was, you know, very strong, and my
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  Speaker 3: father was doing his best to protect his couple. So
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  Speaker 3: I didn't find any place for me. I was struggling
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  Speaker 3: with who I was. And I will say that already
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  Speaker 3: at four years old, I thought the perspective I had
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  Speaker 3: for myself was, well, I'm a boy.
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  Speaker 1: And so why why did you feel Why did you
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  Speaker 1: think that instead of like I'm you know, a lesbian
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  Speaker 1: or whatever, how did you Where did that come from?
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  Speaker 3: That's a good question. Actually, it's just the perception I
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  Speaker 3: had from myself. The way I was looking at me,
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  Speaker 3: It's like I'm a boy. It was just for me.
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  Speaker 3: It was just normal to think like this, like this.
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  Speaker 3: And when I was at school, I had a lot
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  Speaker 3: of girlfriends and they were like, you know, not like me.
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  Speaker 3: I was not like them. It's just very weird. And
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  Speaker 3: I was very by myself, a lot by myself because
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  Speaker 3: the little girl. They were afraid of me because I
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  Speaker 3: was a little rush you know. And the guys they
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  Speaker 3: were like, you're a girl, and I was like, no,
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  Speaker 3: I'm a boy. And it was like inside of me,
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  Speaker 3: I was the perception I have was Okay, when I
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  Speaker 3: will grow up, I will be a pastor, I will
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  Speaker 3: be married to a woman, and we will have children together.
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  Speaker 3: That was the way I was looking at myself.
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  Speaker 1: Then you say that when you were eight years old
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  Speaker 1: you had two traumatic events happened. What were those?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely, praise God. I went through this at seven
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  Speaker 3: because it equipped me for what was coming. Yes, So,
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  Speaker 3: as I told you, I was very by myself. I
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  Speaker 3: didn't have a lot of friends, but I had one
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  Speaker 3: he had a little endicap, and we were close together
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  Speaker 3: because of his endicap and me, you know, with my
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  Speaker 3: with me struggling with my identity. So we were playing
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  Speaker 3: after school every day. We were playing together indians, climbing trees.
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  Speaker 3: We loved to play together. And one day he said, well,
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  Speaker 3: I wish you great summer holidays and we will see
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  Speaker 3: in August and you know, to start a new year
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  Speaker 3: at school. And actually never came back. He killed himself
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  Speaker 3: in an accident in the mountains. Oh wow, And for
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  Speaker 3: me it was a shock, and especially because at that
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  Speaker 3: time we were not really considering children grieving or so
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  Speaker 3: it was like, yeah, something hard happened, but let's you know,
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  Speaker 3: the show must go on, so that it all. And
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  Speaker 3: as for me, it was really terrible because I lost
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  Speaker 3: my best friend. And then this same year, I remember
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  Speaker 3: one day I was at school and my father came
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  Speaker 3: and he spoke to the teacher and then she asked
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  Speaker 3: me to leave, and I went out to school and
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  Speaker 3: then my father was here with the car, my mom inside,
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  Speaker 3: and my brother and we were all together driving and
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  Speaker 3: my father told me, well, the doctor came at the
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  Speaker 3: house today and your mother has a arnier in the
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  Speaker 3: back and it's an emergency. She needs to have surgery.
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  Speaker 3: Otherwise she could stay paralized. So it's going to be
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  Speaker 3: just you know, for a while. We'll do the surgery.
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  Speaker 3: They will do the surgery, and then she will be
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: back after a few days. But actually during the surgery,
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  Speaker 3: the surgeon made a mistake and he cut a vein
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  Speaker 3: I don't know in English, the name in francis iliac,
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  Speaker 3: which is a vein coming from the bottom going to
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  Speaker 3: the heart. And he didn't realize that he did that
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  Speaker 3: at first. So she was back into the awakening room
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  Speaker 3: and she just felt a huge pain in the bailey.
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  Speaker 3: She said, well, I mean pain, and then she fainted
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  Speaker 3: and they were losing her. Everything was raining, ringing in
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: the room. So they brought her back to the surgery
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  Speaker 3: place and they had to open her again, and then
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: blood everywhere she was, you know, for three days, she
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  Speaker 3: was between life and death. And after that she spent
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  Speaker 3: a lot of time, you know, in a place to recover.
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  Speaker 3: But from one day to another, I had to be
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  Speaker 3: an adult, to cook, to do laundry, to help my father.
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  Speaker 3: I told you that they were very close as a couple,
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: so for him it was terrible. And as for me,
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  Speaker 3: it's like if my childhood from one moment to another,
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  Speaker 3: my childhood went was destroyed. It was like this, you know,
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  Speaker 3: this feeling of your innocence. There is no longer innocence, innocence,
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  Speaker 3: you have to be an adult, and it's like, that's.
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  Speaker 1: It, We'll be right back after the short break. How
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  Speaker 1: long did it take for your mother to recover?
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  Speaker 3: Actually I don't remember that. What I remember is that
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  Speaker 3: for years, every time I was coming back after school,
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  Speaker 3: she was laying down in pain. And I don't remember
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  Speaker 3: my mother her being able to do sport or to
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  Speaker 3: lay down with me to play something. She was like
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  Speaker 3: handicapped in her body and she suffered a lot. She
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  Speaker 3: she struggled a lot to be able to you know,
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  Speaker 3: to walk again, to recover. Absolutely, it took like I
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  Speaker 3: don't know how long it took, but she was suffering
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  Speaker 3: in her body for years. Actually.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, So obviously that yeah, that is very traumatic, it is.
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  Speaker 1: And then what happened when you were eleven years old,
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  Speaker 1: because that was a very point.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my, you know, I was still believing, Okay, I'm
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  Speaker 3: a boy and I could stay in this little.
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  Speaker 1: And what is your By the way, what did your
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  Speaker 1: parents think about you? Did they know that? You know?
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  Speaker 3: I never talked to them about that, No, because I
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  Speaker 3: was not able to put any words on it except
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  Speaker 3: that I was feeling this. But I was not able.
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  Speaker 3: I never heard about trend's identity. It's transsexuality before. I
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  Speaker 3: will tell you later. But actually I just felt and
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  Speaker 3: I was a boy, but my body was still, you know,
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  Speaker 3: not very How can I say this? It was like
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  Speaker 3: when you're a child, it's okay, you can believe what
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  Speaker 3: you want. But then at eleven, I had my period,
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  Speaker 3: and then it was terrible because my body was telling, okay,
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  Speaker 3: you really are a woman. And as for me, it
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  Speaker 3: was traumatic. I was like, I can't believe. It was
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  Speaker 3: like if my body was putting me into confronting me
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  Speaker 3: into the reality and I didn't want to hear this.
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  Speaker 3: It was not possible for me to hear this. So
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  Speaker 3: I was still struggling with this, but even more than
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  Speaker 3: because my body was telling me, yes, you were a woman.
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  Speaker 3: And so I entered into tea natuhood with the huge
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  Speaker 3: sufference of the Because of this, I was feeling bad
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  Speaker 3: at the house, bad in school, bad with my body.
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  Speaker 3: I lost a lot of friends, dying from different kind
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  Speaker 3: of sicknesses, disease accidents. So I was never able to
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  Speaker 3: really build healthy relationship with people because I was always
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: struggling with the fear to be left out, to be
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  Speaker 3: left on the side, to lose people. So I went
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  Speaker 3: into very dysfunctional relationship with people because I was afraid
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: to lose them. So it was terrible. It was really
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: unhealthy relationships. Absolutely. And when I was fifteen, I lost
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: my best friend at school. She was depressive. She said
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  Speaker 3: the same than my friend when I was seven. When
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  Speaker 3: I was eight, he said three you later, and then
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: she said, she said the same. We'll see each other
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: in August. And actually she killed herself during the summer holidays. Wow,
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  Speaker 3: So it was you know, here again, somebody leaving somebody, Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: leaving me. I felt like this, you know, I'm still
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  Speaker 3: never good enough to have friendship. I'm never good enough
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  Speaker 3: to be loved, you know what I mean. It's like
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: you feel like always different and not worth worth of love.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Actually, and so you had you had genuine gender dysport,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: you had dysphoria, like genuine dysphoria.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, but it will be you know, I will receive
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: the diagnosis in at twenty two years old, but till then,
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: actually at sixteen, I choose to kill myself. I was
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: at the and of myself. I was like, I cannot
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: I just want to be with Jesus forever. So at
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: the age of sixteen, I tried to kill myself and
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: then they found me. The day after I was in
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: the coma. The doctor said to my parents, she will
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: not make through this. It's not going to be possible
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: on so it's a miracle that I'm here. Back phrase
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  Speaker 3: God for that. But then they put me into a
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  Speaker 3: psychiatric hospital for three months and then into a foster
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: family for four years. And during this time in the
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: foster family, I was still trying to understand what my
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: problem was and I was looking to different shows TV
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: shows to understand. And at that moment, we started to
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  Speaker 3: speak more, you know, loudly about homosexuality. It was in
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  Speaker 3: nineteen ninety seven something like this, and we started more
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  Speaker 3: to speak about this. But I was like, no, I'm
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: not homosexual, I'm not like this. But one day I
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: went through a show TV show and they were speaking
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: about that was the first time I heard about trans identity,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: trans sexuality. And you had this woman she was sure
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: to be a man and you were you know, they
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: were showing her into a motorbike doing karate stuff like this,
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  Speaker 3: you know, and she was expressing what she was feeling
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  Speaker 3: inside the fact that she was like a man prisoner
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: in a girl body. And I was like, this is me.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I was like this was.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: It an American TV show?
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: No, it was a French one.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay, and I was like I.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: Was in Oh. I was like, this is exactly what
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: I have. And as for me, it was it was
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: terrible because there was two parts. One part was well,
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: it's a release when you understand what you have, what
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: you were struggling with. It's like, okay, this is the
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: problem I have. Now I can maybe face it. But
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  Speaker 3: at the same time, I was still reading the Bible
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  Speaker 3: and I do believe God. You know, in Genesis it's
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  Speaker 3: written that God created male and female, and I was like,
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  Speaker 3: it's not possible for God to do mistakes. And also
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  Speaker 3: when I heard for the first time about transidentity, I
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  Speaker 3: was like, okay, I will look into the scripture to say,
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: to see if I can find something about it. And
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I went through this verse. It's in Isaiah forty five,
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: verse nine, it's written, who to him who strives with
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: his maker, charl the clay, say to him who forms it?
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  Speaker 3: What are you making? And when I was reading this,
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  Speaker 3: I was like, this is me and I didn't want
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: to read this again, and I was trying to avoid it.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: But sometimes I was praying and saying, God, speak to
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: me please, And I can tell you I was opening
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: my Bible by chance, you know. And many times I
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: went through this verse and I was like, oh, come on,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I can't. I can't believe you're still coming with this verse.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: And I was like, so for for a while I
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: was not reading is at all. I didn't want it,
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: But wait, hold on, So go back to the Foster family.
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  Speaker 1: So what when you were when you try to end
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  Speaker 1: your life, and and then you were in a coma
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: and you were you came out of that, Why did
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Why didn't you just go back home to your parents?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Why did you go into a foster.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: It was not possible. I came to a place where
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: I was I had so much hate in my heart
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: for them, and I was not able anymore. You know,
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: too much violence and abuse and manipulation, stuff like this,
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: And I'm not saying this to throw any stone at them.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Here again, I want to say, I know they did
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: their best, but here again, you cannot give something you
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: have not received yourself.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: So were they aware why you tried to end your life.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know if they really knew why. I
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: think what happened is that the fact that I did
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: this was like her bell ringing, and from that moment
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: on they tried to receive some help, and especially my mother,
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: she it was like something changed in her heart. From
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: that moment on, she really tried to receive help to
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: do counseling. And for my father, I think he also
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: wanted to go, but it was different. You know, he
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: was born during the Second World War and he was
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: a very tough man because he didn't really receive love.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: He never heard his father telling him I love you.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: So he did the same with me. He showed me
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: lord love, but I was not able to receive it
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: because I was expecting from him to express it with words,
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: and that was not the way he was able to
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: share it. Sometimes he was giving me his I think
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: his love language was more gift. But as for me,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I didn't receive it as love at that time. I
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: understood that. Later, I was just striving for words of encouragement.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: I was striving for him to tell me I'm proud
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: of you, and I never heard that. And for years
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: I was seeking for this. You know. It's just recently
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: that God really hit my heart and that I received
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: this deep you know, I had to get rid of
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: this orphan spirit because I had this orphan heart in me. Yeah. Absolutely.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And then so when you were eighteen, you got together
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: with your first girlfriend. Yes, So what was that like?
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: We started dating at school. It was the school after
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: the you know, it was just a school preparing us
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: to go to university. And I met her there and
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I just saw the show before, so I knew what
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: my problem was. So as we started dating together, I
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: directly asked her, please name me in a masculine way,
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: you know, the proanunce. Please, I want for you to
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: say him. So when we were together, she was doing
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: this and it was so refreshing for me. Loved this,
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: and we went together for two years. And during those
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: two years, it was very hard for me because I
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: was still for sure my style was very tomboy, but
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: people knew I was a girl, so they were always
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: saying oh, okay, maybe they are homosexual. And I was
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: not able to hear about that. I was like, no,
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I'm not, I'm a boy. Can you see this, It's
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: so obvious. And as for me, it was for them,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: absolutely not, because my body was still a body of
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: a woman.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: And so and then how did you how did that
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: relationship with a girlfriend end?
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I don't remember why, but after two years, finally we
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: used to stop this relationship. And then I was, okay,
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: you really need to accept your femininity. It's going to
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: be more easy for you. It's going to be easier,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: and just accept it and don't be in a lifestyle
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: you are not agreeing with. Because here again, when I
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: was reading the Bible, I was confronted with some you know,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: verses like in Roman Juan. I was like, okay, the
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: lifestyle I know, I feel I'm a boy, but the
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: lifestyle I have is a homosexual lifestyle and it's not
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: according to the Bible. It's not okay. So I was
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: still I was like, maybe the best would be to
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: accept my femininity. So for the first time I went
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: to see two women. When I said for the first time,
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: it was not my first counseling time, but that was
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: the first time I was able to express what I
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: was feeling inside. And I said, well, ladies, you know,
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: I feel prisoner from this body. I feel I'm a boy,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: but you see a girl, so please help me. And
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: they really tried to help me, you know, they tried
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: to understand what I wasn't able to identify myself as
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: a woman, to see myself as a woman, to accept
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: my femininity. They were really trying to do a deep
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: work with me, and I was following their advices and
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: trying to accept me as I was. And I remember
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: trying even to go into a relationship with the men
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: at work. So I met this guy and we're starting
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: to be a little closer together to the point where
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: actually we were about to have sex together. And at
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: that moment when it was about to happen, I was like,
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: I'm a man with another man.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Here.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: For the first time of my life, I felt I
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: was homosexual. I know it can sounds weird, but because
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: I was seeing me as a boy, thinking as a
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: boy as a male, it was like if it was
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I'm a maid with another male. So I was like
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: and I was not emo. I took all my stuff
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: and I left and I remember going into my car.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: I was I was in shock, you know, and I
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: was like, I am really a transgender. I'm really a trend.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Stop trying to accept anything. You are trends. You have
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: the proof you are a trence. And because of that,
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: I definitely choose to go into this path, this journey.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: And at that moment, I met another woman and I
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: went back to myself. I took the a VHS you know,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: the video I recorded the TV show I told you
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: about before when I was seventeen. I saw this, so
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I came back. I took the video and I said,
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: I need to show you something. And I put the
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: video on the tape and she watched it and she
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: was like, this is you. This woman she's she's a boy,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: and she's she's a male and she's talking like you are.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: I said, yes, she, well, I will help you. So
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: we went together to our doctor and this man referred
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: us to a doctor with working with the ormonds, you know.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: And this man he was working with, he was working
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: with what.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Ormonds, sorry, ooman, not therapy giving ormonds hormones.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Hormones Okay, yeah sorry? And so the French friends never
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: out the eight. So we got the Hormons. Thank you.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I love that. If you can correct me, I love that.
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: I need you.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: You started taking hormones.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Not yet, but actually I shared my story with him
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: and he was deeply touched and he said, well, I
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: will help you. I believe you are a male and
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: I will definitely help you. So I had to go
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: to see psychiatrists as another lady, and then I was
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: like twenty twenty one. Yeah, when they finally went to
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I received a diagnostic of gender dysphoria. And actually in Switzerland,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: you cannot do this if you cannot have ormonds, or
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: you cannot do surgery if you didn't have two years
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: living in the lifestyle of the other gender. So that
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: was at that time. Okay, at that time, you had
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: to well, I'm a male, to introduce yourself as a male,
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: you had to wear main stuff, you have to ask
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: for a male name. For two years. It was like this,
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: and you didn't still have nothing, you know, no beard.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: So I did this for almost two years, and after
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: that I received all the green lights to go and
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: to receive hormones and then to go through surgeries. Yes,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: so it took me three years and a half and
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: then I was a male.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I was that experience? What was it? What was it
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: like to feel those hormones? And what was it? Was
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: it like you? Did you like that feeling of getting testosterone?
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: So to be honest with you, I had to learn
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: how to deal with it. And I'm just making a
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: little parenthesis to girls. You cannot imagine, ladies, when you
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: wear something very sexy, you cannot imagine what it means
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: to a man, what it can happen. Because actually, when
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: I started to have a testosterone, oh my lord, everything
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: in my body was reacting and I really had to
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: learn how to dominate my flesh and my desires. It
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: was very hard. When I was in presence of you know,
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: sexy girls, very you know, attractive, I was like, my
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: body was really reacting like.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Very very like a guy's body, like a guy.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And for me, I was like what, I didn't
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: realize that before. I also was more, you know, for sure,
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: everything changed for me. My body was changing, My reactions
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: were more. I don't know how I can say that,
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: but I was more. I was more maybe hard. I
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: was more bold. And for instance, you know, if I
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: was parking as a girl, if I was parking and
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: somebody was taking coming and taking my park. I was like, okay,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: I we'll find another place with the suscer on. Oh
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: my lord. Yeah, I was putting my car you know, behind,
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: and then I was getting out and I was yielding
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: at the guy. I was like, what are you doing?
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: And I was very very aggressive, and I really had
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: to learn how to deal with that. So yeah, it
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: was but I liked it absolutely. I liked it. It
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: was if I felt inside everything coming in alignment, and
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: you know, everything was coming in alignment with what I
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: was feeling inside. And more than that, then my body
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: was changing, so my my muscles were you know increasing,
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: I starting to sew my bird, my beard, so everything
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: was coming. I was like, yeah, this is who I am.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: It was like if the perception that I had when
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I was f five six years old was coming into reality.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: So as for me, it was like, I'm starting to
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: live my best life. And then when I went through
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: did you.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Expect to me? And everything?
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Actually I never went into the details of what I
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: did and the methods because we had three different methods.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: But actually I did whatever what I can I could
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: do and I went through. I had three surgeries, so
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: and yeah, it was a big deal at that moment,
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: I can tell you because we didn't have any experience
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: like they have today. I mean the surgeon, you know.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I had a lot of problems. On two
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: I was at you know, just a little to die
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: because I loved a lot of blood. So it was
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: not a nice story. But actually I did whatever, and
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: I received my my masculine papers, you know, I could
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: change everything, my birth certificate, and I was recognized as
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: a male. Yes, and I changed my name. And from
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: that moment on, I was like, I'm I'm I'm happy,
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: I'm living my best life.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: And just a few yeah, and then you got and
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: then you get married to a woman twenty five five absolutely.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: Just a few months after my last surgery. Yes, I
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: met a girl in the in my church. So after
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: the surgeries, I started to I started to go back
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: to a church. It's like if my life was starting.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: So I found a great church and I met this girl.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: She was the pianist in the worship team. I was
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: a guitar. I was playing guitar, and so we started
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: dating and after four months we were married.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, And so did the people at the church know
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: you were trands or not?
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: So the pastor. He knew that because I had to
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: share it with him, but the other people at the
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: beginning were not aware of that. For sure, I shared
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: my story with my fiancee because I didn't want, you know,
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: to lie to her. Because of the surgery, I was terrible,
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: so we were not able to have children, so I
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: didn't want to play with her. I knew that she
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: wanted to have children. So because of that when we
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: started dating, before even we started with the friendship and
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: as we were friends, we shared a lot together. It
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: was amazing. It was easy to share together. And she
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: shared about her life and I did, and I said, well,
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: you know, this is my story and I'm sterile, bekay,
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: we will not be able to have children, and she
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: and so well, I do believe in a God of miracle,
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: and I was like, this is the right one. I
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: need to marry her. Absolutely.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: I think on your you say on your tenth wedding anniversary,
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: you went to Canada to serve for a year with
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: a charity there and then something amazing happened with God,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: So talk about that.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, this is the best part. This is the
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: best part. So you have to know how marriage was
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: just amazing. We were so in love together, we were
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: serving God and I was seeing a lot of foods
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: of our life. So in a certain way, I thought
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: that God was approved me, approving my ways. And at
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: the same time I was always debating. I was not
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: sure of his love, acceptance and approval. And so to
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: celebrate the yeah, the tenth anniversary, we went to Canada,
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: and I remember, you know when we went there. Were
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: we went there, we did not share my story. I said,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: if if to go there I share my story, they
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: will say, well, you cannot come. So I didn't say anything.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: So we went there. We were just a couple. And
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: after three months, one day my boss asked me. He
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: said he came to me and he said, well, my
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: name was Frank, and he said, Frank, everything is going great.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: That's great. I want to give you a new responsibility.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: You will have to reach out to other ministries in
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: the French speaking nations and to collect different bdcast stuff
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: shows and we will broadcast them on the channel. And
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: when he said that, I felt such an comfort in
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: my heart because I knew that my story was very
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: well known in the French speaking nations. So I was like, well,
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: I need to talk to you, and he said okay.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: We went in a little room and I talked to him.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: I said, well, you know, before being a man, I
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: was a woman. And he stopped it. He was laughing,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: and I was like, why are you laughing. He said,
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: it's not possible, and you know, it was not believing me.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: For sure, you will see the picture and for sure
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: it's not It was like, no, I can't believe and
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I said yes. It wasn't even aware that it was
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: possible for people to change sex. So he was in shock.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: And when I said, please stop laughing, it's not funny
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: at all, he said, well, give me a second, and
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: he came back with other leaders from the ministry and
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: I started to share my story again. And I remember
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: this moment, Becket, because you know from that moment, before
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: that moment, I was always subject to rejection. But when
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I shared my story to those leaders, I remember one
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: of the leaders he stood up and came and he
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: looked at me, and in his eyes I was able
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: to see Jesus, to see his love, and he started
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: crying and he hugged me and we cried and wheped together,
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: and they never said anything about that. You have to repent.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: You are living insane. They just loved us. But for
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: sure that the boundaries to protect the ministry. And as
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: I love to say, when you are living with people
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: in fire, this fire is maybe too hot for you,
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: so you will live. Or this fire is such an
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: inspiration for you, and you want to have the same fire.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: And so this happened in November. And then we are
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: in May twenty sixteen, and I'm here in this little
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: room and I saw the fire they had, these guys,
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: and I wanted the same fire. And I'm hearing this
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: little room, seeking God and praying God with all my heart.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: And I said to the Lord God, I love your blessings,
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I love your hands, but I want more. I want you.
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: And I was like desperate. I was, I'm desperate for you, Lord,
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: I want you. And I think I prayed with the
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: same intensity or the same heart then I was. When
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: I prayed, I was seven, and I asked God to
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: really up to me. Actually I prayed with all my heart.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: And as I prayed this, I heard this inside, Frank,
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: you want more of me. In the condition you are,
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: you are at the higher level of what you can
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: have from me. If you want more of me, there
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: is a price to pay, and he will add two things.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: First one, if you trust me, I will restore you
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: in your formal identity, and the second one, if you
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: don't change, my love for you will not change either.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: And Beckett, the silence there in this room was so
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: loud because everything started to run into my head and
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: I was like, I knew exactly what God was speaking about.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: I knew exactly what it was offering me. I knew
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: it was a choice putting in front of me. But
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: at the same time, I just realized the price of it.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: I just realized that it was getting into divorce. I
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: loved her so much. I never imagined divorcing her, so
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: it was like divorce. And then I was like being
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: a woman. I don't know what it means and what
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: it looks like, and I'm afraid of it. I don't
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: want to be a woman. I'm not And I was
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: like afraid, and I was like but at the same time,
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: it's like if the veil was removed. It was if
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: this slide and I was living in from for thirty
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: six years was removed, I was able to see me
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: as he was seeing me. I was a woman, even
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: if I was disguised. You know, I was with stuff
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: from a man. It was it was fake for him.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: I love this verse in the scripture. It's it's it's
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: written that in front of him everything is unveiled and
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: like naked. And I felt like this. I felt naked
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: in front of him and unveiled everything was and I
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: was in shock. I can tell you. I was in shock. Yeah,
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: and so what happened?
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: So wait, so tell me again. Re rewind a little bit.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: So God said to you, he gave you, He said,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: you need to He's he said, there, if you trust me,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: there's gonna be a price to pay, and you need to.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: I'm going to re restore you to your former identity.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: If you trust me, I would restore yet but he
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: but he.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Also said, if you stay trans I still love.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: You absolutely his love will not change. And actually that
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: showed me that I had the choice. Maybe I will
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: stay like okay, I will stay in my life because
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: I love my life and the love of God will
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: still remain. And for sure, it was because God loves
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: us so much. He loves everyone, even the sinner, but
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: he doesn't like sin. So it's not about his love changing.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: It's maybe more about my love. Will my love change
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: to come to a place where I will be ready
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: to pay the price.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: So it was almost like he was saying, if you
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: want to be really, if you want to have a
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: closer relationship with me, you need to change.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, It's like it's like if there is there
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: is a level where you cannot go first order or
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: deeper into a relationship with him if you still are
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: living in a lifestyle which is the sin. It's a choice.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: You can't stay as you are if you want, it's
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: not a problem. If you want to stay like this,
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: there is consequences, and I can tell you back at
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: the consequence I knew was also for my eternity. I
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: knew this because at that moment I remember asking sometimes,
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: you know, before sleeping, I was imagining myself dying and
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: being in front of God. And sometimes I was asking
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: myself and even talking to my wife and saying, you know,
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I'm not sure I will go through this.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure God will receive me in heaven. For eternity.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: I was not sure I was living as a Christian.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: I was seeing a lot of fruits in my life.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: But if you read in Matthew seven, you will see
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: that the fruits are not the sign of God's approval.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: And that's a problem. Sometimes we see a lot of
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: fruits and we think it's okay, I can still I
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: can still live my life like I am. But it's
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: so dangerous because fruits are just a consequence of God's
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: love and principle that if you are living into God's principle,
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: you will see fruits. As for instance, if you are
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: sewing something in the earth on the ground with the
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: sun and water, it's gonna produce something because it's a
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: rule that God created in the nature that if you
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: saw something in the ground and take care of it,
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: it's gonna grow. So but it's not because it's growing
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: that God is approving what you're doing. And I was
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: in this lie, and I can tell you there is
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: this verse when he said, at that time, a lot
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: will say, Lord Lord, we did this, we prophesied, we
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: did that, and it would tell him I don't know you. Yeah.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Wait, let me let me get this clear one more time,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: because this is very important. So are you saying that
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: if you had stayed trans do you believe that you
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: would have gone to heaven?
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Actually, I will tell you what I do believe in
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: my heart.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: No, okay, that's good. I didn't any clarification on that.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: So when you say that God said you know I
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: will still love you, it didn't mean I will still
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: welcome you into my eternal kingdom.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: No. God loves everyone, but not everybody will be saved. Yes,
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: it's according to the choice you will make. Two. Surrender.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: It's all about surrendering your life to Jesus. And I
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: can tell you today I know the difference between having
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: Jesus as a savior who it was he was my savior. Yes, Lord,
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: I do believe in you. But the scripture said that
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: even demons believe in God, that they are afraid of him.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean because they know. Yes, absolutely,
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: So I came from a place where God was my savior,
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: but then it became my Lord. And this is why
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: now I know that I will not have been saved
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: because I was living my life like my own life,
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: according to my own desire. Two I was, I was
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: my own God. You know, if we go back to
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: Isire forty five, verse nine, I was finding with God choosing.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: It's like a bird working on a glass, and this
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: glass is saying I'm not a glass, I'm a plate.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: And I was like this, I was rebellion. I wasn't
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: too deep. Rebellion absolutely, and I never saw that before.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: It's just when the veil was removed, when I started
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: to seek God, when I asked him what was the
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: genesis of all this stuff? And he answered me rebellion?
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: And I was in shock. I was like, how is
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: it possible? Actually? I was my own God, yes, living
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: for myself.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: And so how did this so how did you break
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: this news to your wife? And what happened after that?
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: How did this all unravel?
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: Okay? So I went out the room. I was in shock.
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: I shared with her. She was in shock, and she said, honey,
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: all the promises we will see when we get married.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: And I said, yes, I know, but please seek God
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: if he spoke to me. I don't want to harden
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: my heart myself any longer. And she said, well, okay,
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: and we will go into a one week crazy week.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: I can tell you where we will really seek God,
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: and every time I will read the Bible. Every time.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: It's going to be like die to self. You know,
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: when police saying it's no longer who me, who leaves
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: it's Jesus living in me, Christ living in me, or
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: in Romans twelve. When you see it, do not be
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: confirmed to this world, but be transformed. And I'm like,
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: by the renewing of your mind. And I was like, ah,
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: everything in the Bible was speaking to me, everything, and
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: the same to her. And after one week, at the
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: end of the week, we knew that we knew that
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: we knew that we were in front of a choice,
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: but that the best for us was to surrender. So
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: as well, yes, absolutely, oh yes, praise God. Yes absolutely.
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: But it was very hard because as for me, I
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: will say I had to die to frank to the
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: life I had created, to the representation I had from myself,
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: my marriage, everything, my reputation. But as for her also
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: she was losing her husband. She had to grieve her
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: husband and it was still alive, but about to die.
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: It was very weird and very hard for her too.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: Absolutely so it was. But what I loved about this
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: is that we started to date together, and because we
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: loved us together, we get married, and because we went
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: to love Jesus more than ourselves, we died together. And
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: praise God for that. So you got divorced, yes, we
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: went back to Switzerland. We did a divorce, every stuff
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: for that, and then I went back alone in Canada
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: to start the transitioning process. So to be honest with you,
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: at the beginning, I didn't want this at all. I
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: knew it was what I was supposed to do. I
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: knew it was the best, but my heart was not
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: completely in it. I started to be frustrated with God.
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: I was angry after him. I was like, you destroyed
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: my life. I lost everything, and I was very frustrated
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: and I started to I went through a six months trial,
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: very hard because the devil was absolutely not happy with
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: my choice, and I started to go through a lot
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: of oppressions, desire to kill myself again. But it was
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: really demonic, I can tell you, because I was like,
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: for instance, I woke up in the night and I
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: was and I saw myself hanging or in the water,
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: you know, dying into the water, stuff like this. You know, oppression, absolutely, oppression,
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: a lot of oppressions. And then I started to drink
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: a lot because alcohol was helping me to just be
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: more calm inside and be able to sleep a little bit.
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: So I was just you know, on a fine line
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: between life and death. My weight get bread down and
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to live anymore any longer. And it
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: went to a time of I went through a deliverance.
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: I remember this man of God came to the church,
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: shared in a message and I really wept a lot,
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: and I know I was really, you know, deeply visitated
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: by God. And I started trying crying, and I remember
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: this deliverance and from that moment on, it's like a
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: peace starting to come. It's like if I was completely broken.
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: And from that moment on and I was able to
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: really deeply surrender to God and said, okay, Lord, you
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: spoke to me and I will trust you for you
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: to do it. I had to come to the place
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: to the end of myself where I was no longer
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: able to try to do it by myself, with fasting
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: or praying or I was able to do anything nothing.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, I was a big mess. It was terrible.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: I was a big mess. I was just you know,
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: praying tongues and saying to Gez, I love you. That
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: was the only thing I was able to do. And
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: then I just came to a place where I said
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: to the Lord, Okay, you have to make it. You
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: have to make it happen. I will not be able
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: and I will not force myself to go into it,
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: because I know that if I try to force myself,
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: I will kill myself. And the only thing the Lord
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: did was actually God did everything. But what I was
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: about to tell you is just. It was if it
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: was giving me just one step at a time, and
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: every time I was moving into this direction of obedience,
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: God was acting in a tremendous way with miracles. For instance,
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: after a few months, I saw that my feelings and
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: my love for my wife disappeared. And I can tell
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: you this was huge packet because we were so in
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: love together. And I remember I was driving my car
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: and I was crying out to the Lord, how do
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: you want me to live without her? How do you want?
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: And he said, Frank, you said so often that you
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: were able, you will be able to die for her.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: It's now. And I was like, oh wow, And I
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: stopped crying now and I said, okay, Lord, I surrendered
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: this to you. I will no longer be a husband
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: for her. You will be her husband. And I started
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: to do that, to surrender this part. And because of that,
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: I could see that my love for her changed. My
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: feelings for her changed completely. Then I started to go
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: for a laser treatment to remove my beard. And because
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: I did that, I could see that God was moving
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: inside of me to change the perspective I had from
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: myself little by little. Really it was a slow motion stuff,
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: I can tell you because it's my soul had to
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: be remodeled, my way of thinking. I really lived the
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: Roman twelve verse two. It was really a reformating work
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: of God in my mind, in my emotions. It was
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: to learn how to live in the spirit and no
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: longer in my soul. And I remember then after a
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: few months that I saw my attraction for women stopped
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: becker from my I don't remember. Maybe I was five
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: six years old. I was attracted to women, and there
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: I said that I was no longer attracted to them,
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: and I was like, this is huge, this is huge.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: And I was like wow. And then I remember one
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: day the Lord spoke to me and said, well, I
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: would like for you to shave your legs.
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: I was like no, you know, I was very I
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: had a lot of hair. I was like, no, I
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: don't want But anyway, I called a friend of mine.
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: She came and she had me to do that.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: And when we were done, I was like, you.
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: Know, I feel like I'm naked, and I was like, okay,
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: it's cold, but anyway, I was happy I did what
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: he wanted me to do.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: And I remember then I left the house and I
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: went to visit a friend of mine and I was
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: driving the car and suddenly I felt like the glory
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: of God hitting the car. It was hot in the car.
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: When I said glory its presence, you know, in a
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: tangible way. It was so hot in the car. And
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: I was like, holy Spirit, what's going on? And he said,
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: I'm just letting you feel just a little dad a dad,
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: of the joy you have made to your father. And
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: I was like what. And you know there is this
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: verse in the scripture the joy of the Lord will
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: be your strength. And actually this came to a new
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: level of understanding. It was a haha moment when I
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: was like, Okay, when I obey, I am creating joy
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: to my father's heart. And when I see this joy,
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: I find the strength to obey even more. And that's why,
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: step by step, little by little, I changed my name.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: I went to see a surgeon to stay to see
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: if we could do something, and I just want to
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: make a better renties here going through surgery. It's not
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: a game. And if you listen today, it's not a game.
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: It's irreversible. You cannot be a woman again completely or
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: a man again. And here again it's not it's not
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: a game. So I did whatever I could, but I'm
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: still living in a very weird body. My body is mutilated,
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: and I still have consequences in my life every day.
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: For instance, my voice I cannot be you know, every
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: time I do a phone call, it's like, hi, mister,
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, it's missus. Okay, Oh sorry, missus
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: Kristen okay. And at the end of the phone call,
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: bye bye, mister, and I'm like, come on, it's missus.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: You know. Yeah, it's like so it's not a game.
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: But actually today I don't care because I just know
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: I'm making his joy and for me, that's more than enough.
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: I'm just amazed to, you know, to see what God
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: has done to transform the way I'm thinking and the
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: way I'm perceiving myself. And it came to the place
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: where He really changed the way I was seeing me,
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: and I remember it happened like a miracle it was
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: a miracle. Actually, I was in a flight in a
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: plane flying to Canada. When I left Switzerland, I was still,
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: you know, loving the clothes for men. And I was
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: like at the end of myself, saying, Lord, I did
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: whatever I could, but now there is still my my
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: my pleasure is to still wear men clothes. And I'm
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: like this need to be healed. And I don't know
• 58:56
  Speaker 3: how to add well, I left Switzerland and somewhere between
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: Earth and Heaven, when I was in that flight, something
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: changed completely. I cannot tell you what, but what I
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: know is that when I landed in Canada, my only
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: desire was to wear women clothes. And it was for
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: the first time of my life and I was thirty seven. Wow,
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: and it was a miracle. I remember these pastors. They
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: came to pick me up at the airport and they
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: were sharing a lot of stuff with me in the
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: car and I was like, I don't care, Please bring
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: me to a shopping center. And I was the first
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: time of my life. I was like, I'm really a woman.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: I want to go shopping. I did never before, never
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: so never ever, so for me it was like I
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: knew God has done this. And the last thing that
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: really changed completely. I was in a church and this
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: man came to preach and I looked at him, and
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: something happened deep inside of me. I knew it was single,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: and I started to feel attraction for him, and I
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: was like, what what is what is that? And I
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 3: just saw I just knew what it was. And I
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: remembered this word of God, if you trust me, I
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: will restore you in your formal identity, and I knew that.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: I knew at that moment, God has made it. It
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 3: was it was okay, it was done, everything was it
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: was okay. Wow. And so now it's it's amazing for
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: me because I don't have to fight again attraction. I
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: don't have to I don't have to deal anymore with
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: the same sex attraction. And this is this is amazing
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: to me. This is such a deliverance, you know. Yeah,
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: because I was, Yeah, I was. I was suffering for sure.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: And so because people are, they're going to be watching
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: and they're going to be confused by one thing. Well,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: I just want to go back to one thing. You
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: said a couple of times. So when when you were
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: hearing from the Lord, you said that he I mean
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: you you mentioned like he called you by your name,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: the name Frank, did he so he used that name
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: rather than your real name.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: That was what I was hearing in my heart. But
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: I think because it was also you know, God is
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: so good when he wants to speak to you, he
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: will speak to you by your way. You will be
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: able to listen. M okay. And I'm not saying this
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 3: to say, well it was approving me like this, but
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: I think I actually that was that's what I heard,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: and maybe because that's what I wanted to hear. I
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: don't know. But actually, but I can tell you I
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: never no longer hear this, absolutely not.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, and so well that's amazing. I mean
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: it is. God is. He's just so powerful and he
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: can do and he can heal anyone and bring anyone.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: So tell us about as we close, so we're running
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: out of time, tell us about your book that's coming
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: out and about transfer freedom that sure.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: Sure, yes, I wrote a book in French. The name is.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: I believe that I was a man in French, but
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: now we have this coming out trends now transformed. So
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: it's my book in French but translated into English and
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: very well done. I can tell you this this person,
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: they did a great job. And this is the story
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: of what we share together. How God really spoke to
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: me and transformed my entire life. This book will be
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 3: available on Amazon December the first I'm excited, Yes, absolutely good.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: And then tell us about transfer Freedom.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, when God spoke to me in twenty sixteen,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: he really showed me that this story will be shared worldwide,
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: and it put into my heart to create a ministry
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: association organization. The name is trends Now sorry, transfer Freedom,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: So trends number four Transfer Freedom, So you can visit
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: transfer freedom dot org. And so it's the website. Actually
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: I share. I go everywhere where I'm invited, invited.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: I just went.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: I just was in Texas for my first conference in
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: the US in this last two weeks. Yeah, and that
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: was an amazing, very great conference. So I go everywhere
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: I share this story what God has done for me.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: And I saw I see a lot of people touched,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: you know, by the Father's love for them and like
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: lies being removed, veil has been removed. This is amazing
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: and it's not just about being trends or homosexual. Really,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: God is working deeply into the identity to bring you
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: back to his formal desire for you. We can see
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: that the devil is coming to destroy your life and
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: to kill your destiny, and it's what he's doing right
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: now very good way. But actually God is here to
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: restore you and to bring him to bring you back
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: to his desire for you, for your destiny, and for
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: you to be a messenger around your neighborhood to the
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: people where you are. And so for me, it's really
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: a huge privilege to go everywhere to share this and
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: bring this to people. I also have personal encounter with
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: people meanings through our online you know. So this is
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: great to see God moving into lives and especially also
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: I love to do that I go into conferences and
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: especially for young people. This generation is just a target
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: for the devil, and so I'm amazed to see what
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: God is doing to bring them to their real identity,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: to heal their heart, to receive God's love in order
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: to be a mature people because they will be called
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: to be father and mother. So you don't want to
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: replicate what you've been through. You want to receive healing
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: and to be a messenger of healing around your neighborhood
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: and everywhere, So this is great to bring this everywhere
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: I go. Praise God for that.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: Amazing, amazing, Well, we're going to put the We'll link
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: below to the book and to the Transfer Freedom website.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Jenik for coming on the show
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: and sharing your story. I appreciate it.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: Thank you for inviting me. It's such an honor. And
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: thank you Bake It again for what you're doing. It's amazing.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: Really, Praise God.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: of The Beckett Cook Show are also available on YouTube.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: website at Becketcook dot com.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: Thank you to the team at Life Audio for their
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: partnership with us. If you go to lifeaudio dot com,
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: you will find more faith centered podcasts about prayer, Bible study, parenting,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: and more.