Latest / Where We Rise / 09 | "Hug Somebody, Even Yourself" | Compassion & Self-Care

Transcript

09 | "Hug Somebody, Even Yourself" | Compassion & Self-Care · Where We Rise

• 0:00
  Khalila McCoy: Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy, and you're listening to the show that celebrates the people who make the world a little brighter.
• 0:07
  Khalila McCoy: This is where we ride.
• 0:10
  Khalila McCoy: Hey everyone, thank you so much for tuning in.
• 0:14
  Khalila McCoy: And as always, I love having you here with me, listening and learning from our amazing guests.
• 0:20
  Khalila McCoy: This week, we're hearing from Edie Weinstein.
• 0:23
  Khalila McCoy: The hug mobster.
• 0:25
  Khalila McCoy: That's right.
• 0:26
  Khalila McCoy: She's armed with love and she'll squeeze you tight.
• 0:30
  Khalila McCoy: But only with your consent, of course.
• 0:32
  Khalila McCoy: Before Edie shares the importance of a hug and how it can truly change you, she opens up about what she learned after suffering a heart attack at the age of 55.
• 0:42
  Khalila McCoy: Now you might be thinking, hmm, this is an interesting combination of stories.
• 0:48
  Khalila McCoy: But honestly, I think it makes Edie even more huggable.
• 0:51
  Khalila McCoy: She's someone just like many of us who has faced setbacks, had to pivot, and still chooses to take time to make others feel seen and loved.
• 1:06
  Edie Weinstein: Hi, welcome to the show.
• 1:07
  Edie Weinstein: How are you today?
• 1:08
  Edie Weinstein: Wonderful.
• 1:09
  Edie Weinstein: Warming up after a deep freeze here in on the East Coast in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, about an hour outside of Philly.
• 1:17
  Edie Weinstein: So thank you for bringing the sunshine today.
• 1:21
  Khalila McCoy: You're bringing the sunshine.
• 1:22
  Khalila McCoy: I've already been talking already with you a little bit, and the positivity and the glow that you have has been great.
• 1:28
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm excited to get to know more about you and to dive into our conversation.
• 1:33
  Khalila McCoy: Um we are going to be talking about the power of a hug today.
• 1:37
  Khalila McCoy: But before you share that about the hugs, tell us about who you are.
• 1:42
  Edie Weinstein: Hey, well, my name is Edie Weinstein, and I am a how would I call myself a renaissance woman, probably like you and a lot of your listeners.
• 1:50
  Edie Weinstein: I am a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, interfaith minister, journalist, book author, speaker.
• 1:58
  Edie Weinstein: I do some PR and marketing on the side, and I'm the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed with Love, which I'll tell you more about in a little bit.
• 2:06
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 2:06
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, so you stay really busy.
• 2:09
  Edie Weinstein: Yes.
• 2:09
  Edie Weinstein: When does this woman sleep?
• 2:14
  Khalila McCoy: Have you figured that out yet?
• 2:15
  Khalila McCoy: Have you figured it out?
• 2:16
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, I actually had to.
• 2:17
  Edie Weinstein: Um, if you want to just dive right in how I learned sleep, I am a recovering type A plus workaholic.
• 2:25
  Edie Weinstein: I would be at one point in my life sleeping maybe five or six hours a night, working 12 to 14 hour days in my job as a therapist in an outpatient drug and alcohol treatment program.
• 2:38
  Edie Weinstein: So I was working with folks with addictions.
• 2:40
  Edie Weinstein: And here I was addicted to work.
• 2:42
  Edie Weinstein: Not just a solid work ethic, but I couldn't not work.
• 2:46
  Edie Weinstein: I was worried about am I going to be able to support myself and who am I if I'm not serving?
• 2:52
  Edie Weinstein: And you know, feeling like I had to be on all the time.
• 2:56
  Edie Weinstein: Well, what that led to was a major health crisis.
• 3:00
  Edie Weinstein: On June 12th, 2014, I was on the way home from the gym where I had gone maybe five or six times a week for a normal workout, about an hour, hour and 15 minutes.
• 3:13
  Edie Weinstein: And I started having symptoms.
• 3:15
  Edie Weinstein: I knew right away a heart attack.
• 3:17
  Khalila McCoy: Wow.
• 3:18
  Edie Weinstein: And this is really an important heads up for women because our symptoms are so different from men's symptoms.
• 3:24
  Edie Weinstein: So imagine somebody grabbing your jaw and you couldn't let go, jaw pain and tightness, torrential sweats, searing heartburn pain front and back, like you just had the most spicy meal and it was coming back for a visit, um, palpitations, lightheadedness, dizziness.
• 3:41
  Edie Weinstein: And remember, I was still behind the wheel of the car.
• 3:43
  Edie Weinstein: I didn't pull over, I didn't call 911.
• 3:46
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I was about 10 minutes from my home when that happened.
• 3:49
  Edie Weinstein: Got out of the car when I got home, went inside, picked up the phone, and called my job saying, I'm not feeling very well.
• 3:57
  Edie Weinstein: Can you cancel my clients?
• 3:58
  Edie Weinstein: And after I hung up, I still didn't call 911.
• 4:02
  Edie Weinstein: I got back in the car.
• 4:03
  Edie Weinstein: Don't ever, ever, ever do that.
• 4:05
  Khalila McCoy: How old were you?
• 4:06
  Edie Weinstein: How old?
• 4:06
  Edie Weinstein: I was 55.
• 4:07
  Edie Weinstein: Old enough to know better, right?
• 4:09
  Edie Weinstein: I'm 67 now.
• 4:11
  Edie Weinstein: So I drove myself to Doylestown Hospital, which um was about 10 minutes from my home.
• 4:18
  Edie Weinstein: And I stumbled into the OR, oh, excuse me, the OR.
• 4:22
  Edie Weinstein: I was taken to the um to the cath lab, but stumbled into the ER saying, I think I'm having a heart attack.
• 4:27
  Edie Weinstein: They whisked me up to the cardiac cath lab and they inserted a stent into a fully occluded LAD, you know, the the widowmaker artery and propped it back up because it was 100% blocked.
• 4:41
  Edie Weinstein: And I think if I had gotten there 10 minutes later, I wouldn't have gotten there.
• 4:45
  Edie Weinstein: That's the reality.
• 4:46
  Khalila McCoy: So while you're having this heart attack, you like you said, you drove home, you called your job, you got back in the car.
• 4:53
  Khalila McCoy: Did you were you feeling that intense like discomfort and pain the whole time?
• 4:57
  Khalila McCoy: Did it lessen?
• 4:58
  Khalila McCoy: Yep.
• 4:59
  Khalila McCoy: Yep.
• 5:00
  Khalila McCoy: Um what was going through your mind?
• 5:02
  Khalila McCoy: You're just like, I'm just gonna go see what's going on.
• 5:04
  Edie Weinstein: I can't afford an ambulance right now.
• 5:06
  Edie Weinstein: I didn't have what did I have?
• 5:07
  Edie Weinstein: What was my health insurance?
• 5:08
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I think I had Obamacare at the time because I didn't have health insurance.
• 5:15
  Edie Weinstein: And um I didn't have my health insurance through my job.
• 5:19
  Edie Weinstein: And the copay for an ambulance would have been expensive, and I, you know, all that all this craziness is going through my head when I could have died.
• 5:27
  Edie Weinstein: And driving, I could have killed somebody.
• 5:29
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 5:30
  Khalila McCoy: Were you stressed in any way?
• 5:31
  Khalila McCoy: Or are you just like, it's okay, I'm gonna get to the hospital, it's fine.
• 5:34
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, just saying, okay, come on, come on, come on.
• 5:35
  Edie Weinstein: And the the funny part, well bizarre, twisted part, was that there's an intersection in my area that's a no-turn on red, and I stopped and I said, Should I turn?
• 5:44
  Edie Weinstein: Should I not turn?
• 5:44
  Edie Weinstein: There were no cars coming.
• 5:45
  Edie Weinstein: I waited.
• 5:46
  Edie Weinstein: Uh internal red.
• 5:48
  Edie Weinstein: And I called my cousin on the way.
• 5:50
  Edie Weinstein: I said, Can you meet me at the hospital?
• 5:52
  Edie Weinstein: What's wrong?
• 5:52
  Edie Weinstein: Uh I think I'm having a heart attack.
• 5:54
  Edie Weinstein: What are you doing driving?
• 5:55
  Edie Weinstein: Pull over.
• 5:56
  Edie Weinstein: And he said, I'm almost there.
• 5:57
  Edie Weinstein: I was like, five minutes away, I'm almost there.
• 5:59
  Edie Weinstein: And she said, All right, I'll meet you there.
• 6:01
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so after the cat, the um the cardiac calf, and after the stent was inserted, the surgeon came into my room, and my first thought was, Oh my God, what did you do to yourself?
• 6:14
  Edie Weinstein: And I knew that I had a hand in this.
• 6:17
  Edie Weinstein: It wasn't accidental.
• 6:18
  Edie Weinstein: I mean, some of it was genetic because my mother had died of congestive heart failure in 2010, and my sister had two heart attacks at that point.
• 6:28
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so when the surgeon came in, he showed me a picture of what the artery looked like before the stent.
• 6:35
  Edie Weinstein: It looked like a broken tree branch.
• 6:37
  Edie Weinstein: So for those who can't see, I'm holding my hand like hanging down like a broken tree branch.
• 6:41
  Edie Weinstein: And after the stent, it was popped back up.
• 6:44
  Edie Weinstein: And it's still the stent's still working all these years later.
• 6:48
  Edie Weinstein: So he said, Don't let this happen again.
• 6:50
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Well, how did it happen in the first place?
• 6:52
  Edie Weinstein: He said, Well, first of all, your blood pressure and your cholesterol were through the roof.
• 6:57
  Edie Weinstein: Tell me about your life.
• 6:58
  Edie Weinstein: And I did.
• 6:59
  Edie Weinstein: And he said, You can't do this.
• 7:01
  Edie Weinstein: You you need to make a big life change.
• 7:04
  Edie Weinstein: So friends had come to see me, Phil and Janet.
• 7:07
  Edie Weinstein: Um, Phil has actually since died of his own cardiac condition.
• 7:12
  Edie Weinstein: But she said, Um, I demand to speak with your social worker, knowing that I'm a social worker.
• 7:18
  Edie Weinstein: She needs to know or he needs to know what your lifestyle is like.
• 7:21
  Edie Weinstein: You cannot go back to work next week.
• 7:24
  Edie Weinstein: You need to take at least two weeks off from work.
• 7:26
  Edie Weinstein: Phil, who was from New York, leaned over my bed and says, You go back to work next week, I come over and break both your legs.
• 7:33
  Edie Weinstein: Fortunately, my legs are still intact.
• 7:36
  Edie Weinstein: My boss.
• 7:36
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, he was a very good friend.
• 7:39
  Edie Weinstein: Um he uh so they were my, you know, my guardians.
• 7:44
  Edie Weinstein: Um, my boss said, We're not gonna let you in the door for at least two weeks.
• 7:48
  Edie Weinstein: We'll take care of your clients.
• 7:49
  Edie Weinstein: Don't worry, it'll be okay.
• 7:51
  Edie Weinstein: So my wonderful family and friends, my son, my sister, my niece all made sure that I didn't do this again.
• 7:59
  Edie Weinstein: So I had to make a complete lifestyle change, change diet, change exercise routine.
• 8:05
  Edie Weinstein: Believe it or not, exercised less than what I was doing.
• 8:08
  Edie Weinstein: Because I was doing five or six days a week.
• 8:11
  Edie Weinstein: And by the time I got home from work, I was at the gym at eight o'clock at night, which meant I couldn't fall asleep, and I was up till midnight and then got up at like six o'clock, six thirty, whatever, to go to work.
• 8:22
  Edie Weinstein: So um it was it was a challenge.
• 8:26
  Edie Weinstein: And the other thing I did was cardiac rehab, which was a blessing.
• 8:30
  Edie Weinstein: I loved it, but they kept me under control.
• 8:33
  Edie Weinstein: They kept me from over-exercising, overworking in the gym.
• 8:38
  Edie Weinstein: And they used to, the therapist there used to tell me, stop talking and working out at the same time.
• 8:43
  Edie Weinstein: I said, You don't understand.
• 8:45
  Edie Weinstein: I talk for a living.
• 8:46
  Edie Weinstein: I need to be able to walk and talk at the same time.
• 8:48
  Edie Weinstein: They said, Well, at least give yourself a break.
• 8:51
  Edie Weinstein: One of the things that they used to say to us is, Oh, that's awesome.
• 8:54
  Edie Weinstein: You're doing awesome, like cheerleaders.
• 8:56
  Edie Weinstein: And one day I saw a bumper sticker on somebody's car that said, It's not sweat, it's liquid awesome.
• 9:02
  Edie Weinstein: And I was convinced in my head that I had to produce a whole bunch of liquid awesome, or it wasn't, I wasn't doing my my best.
• 9:10
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 9:11
  Edie Weinstein: And fortunately, insurance only covered three days a week.
• 9:14
  Edie Weinstein: So I couldn't afford to do more.
• 9:16
  Edie Weinstein: But I did walk.
• 9:17
  Edie Weinstein: They encouraged me to walk.
• 9:19
  Edie Weinstein: And so that was a big life change, huge life change.
• 9:26
  Khalila McCoy: How else were you struggling during that time?
• 9:29
  Khalila McCoy: Because you talked about like you're a workaholic, you're not allowed to work as much.
• 9:32
  Khalila McCoy: You said it was a challenge.
• 9:33
  Khalila McCoy: What type of challenge were you going through with that?
• 9:36
  Edie Weinstein: Um, the nap thing, the sleep thing.
• 9:38
  Edie Weinstein: I used to say that sleep was highly overrated.
• 9:40
  Edie Weinstein: And then I realized naps are my friend.
• 9:43
  Edie Weinstein: I love naps now.
• 9:44
  Edie Weinstein: I take them whenever I can.
• 9:46
  Edie Weinstein: And I found myself lying on my couch in the living room, watching the ceiling fans spin and being totally bored out of my mind.
• 9:54
  Edie Weinstein: Not that I could, I mean, there were plenty of things I could do.
• 9:56
  Edie Weinstein: I could read, I could write, I could talk to people.
• 9:59
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and I was talking to a friend, Lou, who had had a heart attack, I think like eight months before me.
• 10:05
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, What kept you home from work?
• 10:08
  Edie Weinstein: He said, Susan, his wife.
• 10:10
  Edie Weinstein: Um, she made me stay home.
• 10:12
  Edie Weinstein: And then I was talking to somebody I knew professionally who was a coach for um a Fortune 500 CEO who had had a heart attack.
• 10:21
  Edie Weinstein: And he said to the guy, Don't let your heart attack go to waste.
• 10:25
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, That's gotta be my mantra.
• 10:27
  Edie Weinstein: I'm not gonna let the heart attack go to waste.
• 10:29
  Edie Weinstein: I'm gonna learn from it.
• 10:31
  Edie Weinstein: So fortunately, at that time, um, I was offered a different job working from home, writing.
• 10:39
  Edie Weinstein: I'm a journalist, as I mentioned, working for a company that owned drug and alcohol rehabs.
• 10:45
  Edie Weinstein: And I was hired as part of their editorial team where I would write articles for their websites.
• 10:51
  Edie Weinstein: And it was great.
• 10:52
  Edie Weinstein: You know, I only was required to give them five articles a week and show up at a once-a-week phone meeting, Zoom meeting.
• 10:59
  Edie Weinstein: That was it.
• 11:00
  Edie Weinstein: Well, I think it was Skype back then.
• 11:02
  Edie Weinstein: I don't think there was Zoom back then.
• 11:03
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 11:03
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and I thought, oh, this is great.
• 11:05
  Edie Weinstein: I could do this forever.
• 11:06
  Edie Weinstein: Boom, fell apart because a year and three months later they had massive layoffs.
• 11:11
  Edie Weinstein: And then after that, they declared bankruptcy.
• 11:14
  Edie Weinstein: But it was enough to get me over the hump to be able to chill for a couple of years, you know, for that year and three months.
• 11:20
  Edie Weinstein: Right.
• 11:21
  Edie Weinstein: And then I went to work as um a therapist in another practice, less stress, more money, better hours.
• 11:30
  Edie Weinstein: So it worked out.
• 11:32
  Edie Weinstein: Um now I am over 65, so I'm collecting Social Security.
• 11:37
  Edie Weinstein: That's you can't live.
• 11:38
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know how anybody can live on Social Security.
• 11:40
  Edie Weinstein: I can't afford to retire right now.
• 11:42
  Edie Weinstein: But the job I have now is even better in many ways than the job I had after the series of, you know, the heart attack and the writing job.
• 11:52
  Edie Weinstein: Um it's a different kind of energy.
• 11:57
  Edie Weinstein: Um, it's more laid back, it's very open, not that the other one wasn't an open, supportive to everybody practice, but this one just has a a better feel to it.
• 12:10
  Edie Weinstein: So I've been at this job for about a year and I love it.
• 12:14
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Khalila McCoy: And to go back one more time to what you talked about, that bumper sticker, the liquid awesomeness.
• 12:21
  Khalila McCoy: And you just talked about how you felt like you had to be doing a lot, you had to be having that liquid awesome, or you weren't doing your best.
• 12:28
  Khalila McCoy: From your experience, is it something in your life that triggered it?
• 12:32
  Khalila McCoy: Is it just the personality that you are?
• 12:33
  Khalila McCoy: Like, why did you feel that you had to be producing this liquid awesomeness all the time?
• 12:39
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 12:40
  Edie Weinstein: Well, nature and nurture together.
• 12:42
  Edie Weinstein: Okay.
• 12:42
  Edie Weinstein: I think I was born um not just hyperactive, but you know, to beyond, I was a precocious child.
• 12:50
  Edie Weinstein: I was, you know, five going on, 25.
• 12:53
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I could have conversations with adults.
• 12:56
  Edie Weinstein: Uh, grew up in a family where my father was a workaholic as well for the same reasons.
• 13:01
  Edie Weinstein: Um, you've heard about the idea of um generational trauma and generational belief systems.
• 13:09
  Edie Weinstein: Well, my great my grandparents, my paternal grandparents came here from Russia during the pogrom.
• 13:15
  Edie Weinstein: Do you know that that word?
• 13:17
  Edie Weinstein: Uh P-O-G-R-O-M.
• 13:19
  Edie Weinstein: Did you ever see Fiddler on the Roof?
• 13:21
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 13:22
  Edie Weinstein: You know what that is?
• 13:22
  Edie Weinstein: Okay.
• 13:22
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 13:23
  Edie Weinstein: It's when the Jews were evicted from their towns in Russia.
• 13:26
  Edie Weinstein: So my grandparents were, they fled Russia and started a new life here in you know in America.
• 13:34
  Edie Weinstein: And it was hard scrabble life.
• 13:37
  Edie Weinstein: They did what they needed to do.
• 13:39
  Edie Weinstein: And they raised four children: my father, two brothers, and a sister, who all became productive American citizens.
• 13:46
  Edie Weinstein: And they were American citizens because they were born here, but they became productive and raised their own children and did good work, provided service.
• 13:57
  Edie Weinstein: So I also saw my parents setting an example of working hard at their jobs, but also raising my sister and me and volunteering in the community.
• 14:08
  Edie Weinstein: Um, my dad was a volunteer firefighter despite having asthma.
• 14:12
  Edie Weinstein: I have no idea how he he managed that.
• 14:15
  Edie Weinstein: Um, my mother, they both volunteered at our synagogue.
• 14:18
  Edie Weinstein: My mother volunteered at the hospital.
• 14:20
  Edie Weinstein: Often she would work on Easter and Christmas so that other people who celebrated those holidays could have the day off.
• 14:28
  Edie Weinstein: Um, she was a Girl Scout cookie mom.
• 14:30
  Edie Weinstein: She was a gate guard at our pool.
• 14:32
  Edie Weinstein: Um, what else did they do?
• 14:34
  Edie Weinstein: My father did this amazing thing where he did what was called patterning, which I guess is a form of physical therapy for a little girl in our community that had either MS or muscular dystrophy muscular dystrophy, where he would help her exercise.
• 14:48
  Edie Weinstein: Because my dad was also an athlete.
• 14:51
  Edie Weinstein: So they did it all.
• 14:53
  Edie Weinstein: And I thought I want to be like them.
• 14:56
  Edie Weinstein: And at four, I was diagnosed with asthma, and I felt like I was a burden, even though my parents would never have said that.
• 15:03
  Edie Weinstein: Right.
• 15:03
  Edie Weinstein: I would wake up in the middle of the night, kind of like gasping for breath.
• 15:07
  Edie Weinstein: And my mother would say, Okay, come on, we're going into the bathroom, turn on the shower, I breathe in the steam, and it helped.
• 15:13
  Edie Weinstein: So I wanted to prove that I wasn't a weakling.
• 15:16
  Edie Weinstein: They never thought that I was.
• 15:17
  Edie Weinstein: They they insisted that I exercise.
• 15:21
  Edie Weinstein: They, when I was 11, um, our family doctor recommended swimming to improve my lung capacity.
• 15:28
  Edie Weinstein: So I swam from the time I was 11 till I was 18 on you know on swim teams.
• 15:34
  Edie Weinstein: And then from 18, 19, 20, uh, those three summers, I was a lifeguard in our community and coached swimming.
• 15:41
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so I, you know, my parents never told me I wasn't doing enough, but they also never told me to slow down.
• 15:49
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 15:51
  Edie Weinstein: So I just kept going because they were proud of me and I wanted them to stay proud of me, right?
• 15:54
  Edie Weinstein: Um, some other background.
• 15:57
  Edie Weinstein: My dad died in 2008, my mom died in 2010, and I was the social worker that interacted with hospice for them.
• 16:05
  Edie Weinstein: They were living in Florida at the time.
• 16:07
  Edie Weinstein: So I was being professional there.
• 16:10
  Edie Weinstein: As I mentioned, I'm also an interfaith minister, so I officiated at both my parents' services because I didn't want a rabbi that didn't know them to officiate.
• 16:19
  Edie Weinstein: So the grieving daughter was back in, you know, back in a back room somewhere.
• 16:24
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I cried, I let myself grieve, but I felt like I had to be on as a professional to take care of the business.
• 16:31
  Edie Weinstein: Because when when I'm also a bereaving counselor, when somebody dies, there's the emotional, spiritual, physical part, but there's also the business part.
• 16:41
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 16:41
  Edie Weinstein: And I had to help take, I chose to, well, had to because my mother named me her her executor and power of attorney.
• 16:48
  Edie Weinstein: I chose to take on the business part too.
• 16:50
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 16:51
  Edie Weinstein: So I think the heart attack caught up with me.
• 16:54
  Edie Weinstein: There is a it is a gin um a genuine medical condition called broken heart syndrome.
• 17:01
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know if you've ever heard that before.
• 17:02
  Khalila McCoy: Yes, I have.
• 17:03
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, it's a Japanese term for it, and I can't remember it now.
• 17:05
  Edie Weinstein: But when somebody's emotions are not handled after a loss, it it's heartbreaking.
• 17:13
  Edie Weinstein: So I think that had something to do with it too.
• 17:16
  Edie Weinstein: Okay.
• 17:16
  Edie Weinstein: And I let myself grieve.
• 17:18
  Edie Weinstein: I also struggled with the idea that, oh my God, I'm gonna be a cardiac patient forever.
• 17:23
  Edie Weinstein: Ooh, I don't want to do that.
• 17:25
  Edie Weinstein: Um, when I was in cardiac rehab, I met this wonderful woman who was in her 80s at the time.
• 17:31
  Edie Weinstein: I'm hoping she's still alive.
• 17:32
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know if she is, but she had had open heart surgery, not a heart attack, but open heart surgery years before that, and had written a book about it.
• 17:40
  Edie Weinstein: And she said, You do realize you suffered a trauma.
• 17:43
  Edie Weinstein: I said, What are you talking about, trauma?
• 17:45
  Edie Weinstein: I didn't die, my heart didn't stop.
• 17:47
  Edie Weinstein: I'm okay.
• 17:48
  Edie Weinstein: No, you experience a trauma.
• 17:50
  Edie Weinstein: You're a therapist, you know what trauma looks like.
• 17:53
  Edie Weinstein: So trauma doesn't have to be, oh my God, you know, hiding and covering or you know, it can mean keeping on, keeping on, but under the surface, there's all this little damage going on here.
• 18:04
  Edie Weinstein: And that's when it was that was a wake-up call, too.
• 18:06
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Yes, I am a cardiac patient.
• 18:09
  Edie Weinstein: I'm still on cardiac meds.
• 18:10
  Edie Weinstein: I still see my cardiologist once a year, and I'm his poster child client patient because I'm doing what it takes.
• 18:19
  Edie Weinstein: Um so, and actually, I ran into him in the gym a few years ago, and I'm looking at this guy and I said, He looks familiar.
• 18:26
  Edie Weinstein: Where do I know him from?
• 18:27
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Oh my god, Dr.
• 18:28
  Edie Weinstein: Gager.
• 18:29
  Edie Weinstein: And he looked at me and he recognized me.
• 18:31
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and he said, It's good to see you exercising.
• 18:34
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, It's good to see you exercising too.
• 18:36
  Edie Weinstein: But he needed a healer.
• 18:38
  Edie Weinstein: So it was also a message healer, heal thyself.
• 18:41
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 18:42
  Edie Weinstein: I was being awfully hypocritical, where I would tell my clients, my family, my friends, you gotta take care of yourself.
• 18:49
  Edie Weinstein: But I was Wonder Woman.
• 18:51
  Edie Weinstein: I didn't need to take care of myself.
• 18:52
  Edie Weinstein: I was invincible.
• 18:53
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 18:54
  Edie Weinstein: Until I found out that I wasn't.
• 18:55
  Khalila McCoy: Well, I'm glad that you were able to come through.
• 18:57
  Khalila McCoy: You know, some people find out and they aren't able to have that recovery that you have.
• 19:02
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm definitely happy to hear that.
• 19:04
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
• 19:05
  Khalila McCoy: You listen to your body, you listen to those who are around you.
• 19:08
  Khalila McCoy: I thought it was pretty neat too how you were talking about like other people who had gone through that, who had had um heart attacks, who could tell you, like, nope, you need to slow down, or you need to try this, or this is what I did, or this is what I realized along the way.
• 19:21
  Khalila McCoy: It's like you're kind of forming a community and yes, kind of help healing each other through those conversations.
• 19:29
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, and um in cardiac rehab, I was in there's four three phases.
• 19:34
  Edie Weinstein: One is inpatient when you're in the hallway walking, walking down the hall with your ID pole.
• 19:39
  Edie Weinstein: Then phase two is also based at the hospital, but it's in a a gym in the hospital.
• 19:45
  Edie Weinstein: Phase three is outside the hospital, but in a program supervised by the hospital.
• 19:50
  Edie Weinstein: Um, both of the the inpatient or both the inpatient and outpatient um cardiac rehab, the directors' names were Dave.
• 19:58
  Edie Weinstein: You know, so I called them, you know, Dave One and Dave Two.
• 20:01
  Edie Weinstein: Dave Two had this motto where he would say, Don't, like three separate words, don't overdo it.
• 20:09
  Edie Weinstein: And to this day, if I'm pushing, I'll say, okay, I'm channeling it, don't overdo it.
• 20:16
  Edie Weinstein: I don't have, and that's the whole thing is I feel like I have less to prove.
• 20:21
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I don't know the demographic of your listeners, but if they're I'm 67, um, I talk to my friends who are around the same age, you know, in our 60s, and we both realize that um we have already earned our chops.
• 20:38
  Edie Weinstein: We've already done what we need to do to get to where we are.
• 20:41
  Edie Weinstein: I'm much more conscientious of how I move my body because if I wake up in the morning, I could have like plantar fasciitis.
• 20:49
  Edie Weinstein: Do you know what that is?
• 20:49
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, major foot pain, and I'm like, ah, you know, that happened this past week.
• 20:53
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, How am I going to go to the gym?
• 20:55
  Edie Weinstein: I could barely walk.
• 20:56
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and I had to shovel, which I'm not supposed to do, but I live alone.
• 21:02
  Edie Weinstein: I had to shovel.
• 21:02
  Edie Weinstein: So one of my neighbors came over yelling at me, waving her shovel, saying, What are you doing?
• 21:07
  Edie Weinstein: You know, helped me dig out.
• 21:09
  Edie Weinstein: And then a couple hours that later that night, I tried to pull my car into the driveway and it wasn't shoveled out enough.
• 21:16
  Edie Weinstein: So I ran into a snowbank and I started hacking away at the snow, trying to shovel out.
• 21:20
  Edie Weinstein: And it's dark, and the car's sticking out in its street.
• 21:23
  Edie Weinstein: I mean, I live in a suburban development, so it's not like a city street.
• 21:27
  Edie Weinstein: And I called AAA and they weren't able to get there for like another two hours.
• 21:30
  Edie Weinstein: And they said, I can't let my car sit there.
• 21:32
  Edie Weinstein: I got it, you know.
• 21:33
  Edie Weinstein: So other neighbors came over yelling.
• 21:35
  Edie Weinstein: She's a nurse, and she said, What are you doing?
• 21:37
  Edie Weinstein: Because I she knew my condition.
• 21:38
  Edie Weinstein: What are you doing?
• 21:39
  Edie Weinstein: She came over with her husband, partner, I don't know their marital status, and two teenage kids, and they they dug my driveway up.
• 21:46
  Edie Weinstein: They said, Go back and then I'm gonna help, but you guys can do most of it.
• 21:51
  Edie Weinstein: So I'm aware of what I can do and what I can't do.
• 21:54
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 21:54
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I'm really conscious of where I like if I'm stepping off a curb, if I'm Going up and down stairs and I'll repeat the word safe, safe, safe.
• 22:04
  Edie Weinstein: Because if I say be careful, you know, then it's it's like I'm warning myself that oh you know, but I just remind myself that I'm safe.
• 22:12
  Edie Weinstein: So not good.
• 22:13
  Edie Weinstein: Everything, all the bones are intact.
• 22:16
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 22:17
  Khalila McCoy: So tell us how does this lead to you becoming the is it the hug mobster?
• 22:23
  Edie Weinstein: Hug mobster.
• 22:24
  Edie Weinstein: Well, hug mobster was born five months before the heart attack.
• 22:28
  Edie Weinstein: Valentine's Day weekend, the day after Valentine's Day, 2014, I brought a group of friends to 30th Street Station, which is a big train station in Philly.
• 22:37
  Edie Weinstein: Um, did you ever see the Harrison Ford movie called Witness?
• 22:41
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know if you might you might be too young, but it was in the 80s or 90s, and he plays this Philly cop who um I don't know if he witnesses a murder, but it takes the murder takes place in 30th Street Stations.
• 22:56
  Edie Weinstein: Beautiful architecture.
• 22:57
  Edie Weinstein: So I brought a group of friends, there are 12 of us, um, for free hugs flash mob.
• 23:02
  Edie Weinstein: So free hugs are where you stand with a sign offering people strangers hugs, and they can either say yes or no.
• 23:11
  Edie Weinstein: And um, so we I wanted to do a flash mob.
• 23:15
  Edie Weinstein: So at noon that day, uh, we unleashed ourselves on the station.
• 23:19
  Edie Weinstein: One of our friends is a musician, so he walked around with his guitar singing the super tramp song, Give a Little Bit.
• 23:25
  Edie Weinstein: Do you know that?
• 23:26
  Khalila McCoy: Yes, a little bit, you know, over and over and over.
• 23:29
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know how many I'll have to ask him how many times Ron played that song.
• 23:33
  Edie Weinstein: And another friend videotaped us.
• 23:35
  Edie Weinstein: And we estimate that between the 12 of us, in an hour's time, we hugged about 200 people.
• 23:41
  Edie Weinstein: One of them was in a rock war vet who was the only survivor, he told us he approached us and said he was the only survivor of his platoon and he had survivors' guilt.
• 23:52
  Edie Weinstein: And he thought about ending his life.
• 23:54
  Edie Weinstein: He said, Until just now, when I met you people, you give me hope.
• 23:58
  Khalila McCoy: Oh my goodness.
• 24:00
  Edie Weinstein: So can I join you?
• 24:01
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Of course.
• 24:02
  Edie Weinstein: We gave him the sign and he was off.
• 24:03
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 24:04
  Edie Weinstein: And my thought was, oh my God, hugs save lives.
• 24:07
  Edie Weinstein: Friends started calling us hug mobsters.
• 24:10
  Edie Weinstein: Hug mob, flash mob, you know.
• 24:12
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Mobsters, guns, drugs, you know.
• 24:16
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, so I added the tagline, armed with love.
• 24:19
  Edie Weinstein: And after cardiac rehab, well, after inpatient cardiac rehab, I would walk around Doylestown and I thought, why don't I combine the hugging with the walking?
• 24:29
  Edie Weinstein: Because hugs are emotionally heart-friendly, but they're also cardiac friendly.
• 24:34
  Edie Weinstein: There's research that says that when people get enough hugs, whatever that is for them, they feel healthier, their blood pressure goes down, their mood elevates, they're, you know, they're they feel a sense of connection.
• 24:47
  Edie Weinstein: Because the oh my God, I can't remember his name.
• 24:52
  Edie Weinstein: The um former surgeon general talked about an epidemic of loneliness in our country, in the world.
• 25:00
  Edie Weinstein: So in my mind, hugging strangers with consent is one way to overcome loneliness.
• 25:06
  Edie Weinstein: So sometimes friends would come with me.
• 25:09
  Edie Weinstein: Sometimes I go by myself.
• 25:10
  Edie Weinstein: I carry my little sign in the car with me.
• 25:13
  Edie Weinstein: Um sometimes I would have this with me.
• 25:16
  Edie Weinstein: You can see it, but it's a little a heart with hands and arms.
• 25:19
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, that's so cute.
• 25:20
  Edie Weinstein: Friend got me years ago from IKEA.
• 25:22
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and so for those that can't see it, a big red fluffy heart pillow with little arms.
• 25:27
  Edie Weinstein: And um I estimate that since then, since 2014, I've hugged thousands of people in the United States, in Canada, and in Ireland.
• 25:38
  Edie Weinstein: My trip of a lifetime, I turned 60 in 2018, and I took myself to Ireland and I took the sign with me.
• 25:45
  Edie Weinstein: The Irish are very huggy people, very affectionate people.
• 25:50
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so during the pandemic was that was part of um what kept me a little bit depressed.
• 25:59
  Edie Weinstein: I thought, oh my God, what if we can never hug again?
• 26:02
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 26:02
  Edie Weinstein: And then I said, that can't be possible.
• 26:04
  Edie Weinstein: Humans are hardwired for touch.
• 26:07
  Edie Weinstein: How can we never hug again?
• 26:09
  Edie Weinstein: So I had a dream where we could hug back to back or back to front like spooning.
• 26:14
  Edie Weinstein: And so once I felt safe, I would go out in public with my mask and we would do virtual hugs where some we would stand the requisite six feet apart, I would hug myself, and the other person would hug themselves.
• 26:28
  Edie Weinstein: And then after I got vaccinated, um, when people felt ready, we would hug, but we did the back-to-back hugs, we did the side, like we didn't breathe in each other's faces.
• 26:39
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and now it's just like, you know, no mask hugs, and uh it it feels good.
• 26:45
  Edie Weinstein: I was I was a little tentative at first because I have the respiratory condition as well.
• 26:50
  Edie Weinstein: I have COPD.
• 26:52
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I never smoked, but and this is another PSA.
• 26:56
  Edie Weinstein: I worked for 14 years in environments where my patients smoked.
• 27:00
  Edie Weinstein: I worked in an inpatient school and then the drug and alcohol program.
• 27:04
  Edie Weinstein: Right.
• 27:04
  Edie Weinstein: They would come into my office with smoke on their clothes eight hour days being exposed to third hand smoke.
• 27:11
  Edie Weinstein: So the the raspy voice is from the r the um inhaler that I use.
• 27:17
  Edie Weinstein: But I would rather breathe than than you know, not have a sultry voice.
• 27:22
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 27:22
  Khalila McCoy: I like your voice.
• 27:24
  Edie Weinstein: Thank you.
• 27:24
  Edie Weinstein: And I it was funny, I listened to um a podcast that I did before I was diagnosed with COPD.
• 27:32
  Edie Weinstein: Totally different voice.
• 27:33
  Khalila McCoy: Really?
• 27:34
  Edie Weinstein: A few higher octaves.
• 27:35
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 27:36
  Edie Weinstein: A few octaves higher.
• 27:37
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 27:38
  Edie Weinstein: Not quite as as raspy, but you do.
• 27:40
  Edie Weinstein: You know, people can still understand me.
• 27:42
  Khalila McCoy: So yeah.
• 27:43
  Khalila McCoy: And you don't no necessarily need a voice to give hugs.
• 27:47
  Khalila McCoy: You can write and just open your arms up and voice hugs.
• 27:51
  Khalila McCoy: Do you find when people come to give you a hug, that usually like a quick hug and then they're gone?
• 27:56
  Khalila McCoy: Do you hug for a while?
• 27:58
  Edie Weinstein: It depends.
• 27:59
  Edie Weinstein: They make the rules.
• 28:00
  Edie Weinstein: Um I let them be the first one to let go whenever they're ready.
• 28:04
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 28:05
  Edie Weinstein: So the rules of hugging when I, you know, when I do the hug strolls, um, always ask first, get a verbal yes, or if they open their arms, then I know they're a yes.
• 28:15
  Edie Weinstein: And I only hug as long as they're comfortable.
• 28:18
  Edie Weinstein: If they say no, I don't get offended.
• 28:20
  Edie Weinstein: I'll just say, thank you, hug somebody, even yourself.
• 28:23
  Edie Weinstein: If there are children there, I'll say to the adult that they're with, if it's okay with your child, if it's okay with you and your child, is it okay if I hug them?
• 28:32
  Edie Weinstein: And if the grown-up says yes and the kid says no, he said, Oh, no hugs.
• 28:36
  Edie Weinstein: It's okay.
• 28:36
  Edie Weinstein: Can we do high fives, fist bumps, you know?
• 28:39
  Edie Weinstein: And I want the the child to get the message and the adult that nobody hugs you without your permission.
• 28:46
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 28:46
  Edie Weinstein: Um, in my family, I have two grandchildren who I adore.
• 28:49
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know if you can see the mug.
• 28:51
  Edie Weinstein: It says, Grandma, you brightened my world.
• 28:53
  Edie Weinstein: It was one of my Christmas presents.
• 28:55
  Edie Weinstein: Um so they, you know, the rules are they don't have to hug us, even their parents.
• 29:03
  Edie Weinstein: And if I'm coming or going and they don't want to hug us, okay, see you later.
• 29:07
  Edie Weinstein: And sometimes they'll come running over and you know, she's three and he just turns six.
• 29:11
  Edie Weinstein: And they are very cuddly kids, but at their discretion.
• 29:15
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 29:16
  Khalila McCoy: That's very important.
• 29:17
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 29:18
  Khalila McCoy: I'm glad that you add that in there.
• 29:20
  Khalila McCoy: Yep.
• 29:21
  Khalila McCoy: Do you find that most people, like you talked about the war vet who shared his story with you?
• 29:25
  Khalila McCoy: Do you get other stories along the way of people who are like, I really needed this today?
• 29:30
  Khalila McCoy: Yep.
• 29:30
  Khalila McCoy: Can you share a couple?
• 29:32
  Edie Weinstein: Sure.
• 29:32
  Edie Weinstein: A few years after that, I went to a Veterans Homeless Shelter in Kensington, which is um kind of a rough and tumble neighborhood in in Philly that's known for drugs.
• 29:45
  Edie Weinstein: Okay.
• 29:45
  Edie Weinstein: And um went there with a group of friends, and I did it, it was, I remember it was St.
• 29:50
  Edie Weinstein: Patrick's Day.
• 29:51
  Edie Weinstein: So there was a lot of, it was Irish music, but there was also uh Motown.
• 29:56
  Edie Weinstein: They did a um a Motown um trivia contest.
• 30:00
  Edie Weinstein: And then I did a mini hug workshop.
• 30:02
  Edie Weinstein: And I remember this one vet, I could still envision him, very tall guy, um, approached me and he said, I haven't been touched in 20 years.
• 30:13
  Edie Weinstein: Not even not hug, but not touch.
• 30:15
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Can I hug you?
• 30:17
  Edie Weinstein: I hug I hugged him longer.
• 30:19
  Edie Weinstein: I gave him lots of hugs that day.
• 30:20
  Edie Weinstein: Another memorable one.
• 30:23
  Edie Weinstein: I was on South Street in Philly, um, which is a fun neighborhood, and a friend of mine was following me.
• 30:29
  Edie Weinstein: She's a videographer, um, videotaping the hug stroll.
• 30:33
  Edie Weinstein: I think it was, I forget which cardioversary it was, because I that's what I call my annual second birthday.
• 30:41
  Edie Weinstein: Um she was recording me, and there was this Muslim woman wearing hijab, and she said, Who wouldn't want a hug?
• 30:50
  Edie Weinstein: Like shaking her head, who wouldn't want a hug?
• 30:52
  Edie Weinstein: Um, everybody needs hugs.
• 30:54
  Edie Weinstein: And I said, Well, some people are not comfortable.
• 30:56
  Edie Weinstein: And she wags her finger at me.
• 30:58
  Edie Weinstein: She's probably, I don't know how old, somewhere between your age and my age.
• 31:02
  Edie Weinstein: And she says, even those that don't think they they want them, they need them.
• 31:06
  Edie Weinstein: So I remember her.
• 31:07
  Edie Weinstein: I don't remember, she never told me her name.
• 31:09
  Edie Weinstein: Another was when I was visiting friends in Portland, Oregon.
• 31:13
  Edie Weinstein: And as soon as I got out of the car uh to start doing the hug thing, this man runs up to me and he says, You have no idea how much I need this.
• 31:22
  Edie Weinstein: Um, a friend of his had just died, and another, I don't know if another friend had died by suicide, and I don't know if it was the anniversary of somebody's death, but it was oof, yeah, he really needed that.
• 31:38
  Edie Weinstein: Really needed that hug.
• 31:40
  Khalila McCoy: Do you think there's something to the fact, too, that you're just a stranger on the street offering a hug?
• 31:45
  Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
• 31:47
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 31:47
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I tell people when when they ask me about the free hugs thing, I said, yeah, I'm this weird person standing on, you know, the street asking, oh, offering to hug strangers.
• 31:58
  Edie Weinstein: Um, it depends on where it is, too.
• 32:01
  Edie Weinstein: I do a lot of hugs at Pride Fests.
• 32:03
  Edie Weinstein: There's several in my community.
• 32:05
  Edie Weinstein: So the expectation is people most people are going to say yes to it.
• 32:09
  Edie Weinstein: There is another group in Oklahoma called Free Mom Hugs.
• 32:15
  Edie Weinstein: It was founded by Sarah Cunningham, whose son came out to her as a gay man.
• 32:21
  Edie Weinstein: And she was, I believe, an evangelical, really hardcore Christian.
• 32:26
  Edie Weinstein: And she thought, how can I choose between God and my son?
• 32:31
  Edie Weinstein: And she had a dark night of the soul, and then she had an epiphany.
• 32:34
  Edie Weinstein: I don't have to.
• 32:35
  Edie Weinstein: So Parker had invited her to go to a Pride Fest in Oklahoma City, and she went and she made a bat, like a button that said free mom hugs.
• 32:45
  Edie Weinstein: And she said, by the end of the experience, she was covered in tears and glitter.
• 32:49
  Edie Weinstein: And she only went on her hands.
• 32:52
  Edie Weinstein: So I'm also part of Free Mom Hugs.
• 32:55
  Edie Weinstein: Um, they're also Free Dad hugs, too.
• 32:58
  Edie Weinstein: So when I go to Pride events, I'll wear a free mom hugs t-shirt as well.
• 33:04
  Khalila McCoy: I hadn't heard about that before.
• 33:06
  Edie Weinstein: It's freemomhugs.org.
• 33:08
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 33:09
  Edie Weinstein: Very cool.
• 33:09
  Edie Weinstein: So there are people all over the world that are doing this because we need it.
• 33:13
  Edie Weinstein: Humans, humans um fail to thrive, just like babies fail to thrive without nurturing touch.
• 33:21
  Edie Weinstein: Suicidality, um, depression, anxiety, illness.
• 33:27
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I wasn't lonely, loneliness didn't cause my heart attack.
• 33:30
  Edie Weinstein: I was, I am a people person by nature.
• 33:33
  Edie Weinstein: So that wasn't one of the contributing factors.
• 33:37
  Edie Weinstein: Um, the other thing that happened in 2022, I didn't when I was before we got on the call, um, I was talking about going to Ohio to do my first TEDx talk um in Lima.
• 33:48
  Edie Weinstein: Uh that's how it's pronounced right.
• 33:51
  Khalila McCoy: Yes, yeah.
• 33:51
  Khalila McCoy: It's not Lima Lake Peru, it's Lima.
• 33:53
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, Lima, Ohio.
• 33:55
  Edie Weinstein: And the other, the other claim to fame that the name of the town has, it wasn't filmed there, was the TV show Glee.
• 34:02
  Edie Weinstein: Yes.
• 34:04
  Khalila McCoy: I love that show.
• 34:05
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 34:05
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so I did a TED TEDx talk, people can look it up, called Overcoming the Taboo of Touch.
• 34:12
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 34:13
  Edie Weinstein: And it was uh the experience of a lifetime, um, a bucket list item, and one of the biggest challenges that I had because I'm a public speaker.
• 34:24
  Edie Weinstein: I speak spontaneously, extemporaneously, but this had to be a memorized monologue.
• 34:32
  Edie Weinstein: Although, I'm you know, calling them out on this.
• 34:35
  Edie Weinstein: I have seen celebrities do a TED talk with notes.
• 34:39
  Edie Weinstein: I'm really ticked at that because it's you know I could have used that.
• 34:44
  Edie Weinstein: We weren't allowed to have notes, cue cards, or a teleprompter.
• 34:48
  Edie Weinstein: It had to be all memorized.
• 34:49
  Khalila McCoy: Wow, I didn't know that.
• 34:50
  Edie Weinstein: So 17-minute monologue, mine was a 17-minute monologue.
• 34:53
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and it was it was just extraordinary.
• 34:56
  Edie Weinstein: And I thought, how am I gonna memorize the statistics, the everything?
• 35:01
  Edie Weinstein: So I talked to friends who are actors, and they said, the I said, how do you remember your lines, your you know, the script?
• 35:08
  Edie Weinstein: And they said, Well, you remember the first part, and then you link it to the next part and the next part and the next part.
• 35:14
  Edie Weinstein: So it flows naturally.
• 35:15
  Edie Weinstein: So I would rehearse um with friends, I would rehearse in the car, um, I'd rehearse in the shower.
• 35:22
  Edie Weinstein: Um, but the most powerful one was I would rehearse in my sleep.
• 35:27
  Edie Weinstein: I would start to say my talk, I would fall asleep, and then when I'd wake up, I was thinking the talk again.
• 35:33
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 35:34
  Edie Weinstein: So it was um from April of 2022 to October was the time I had to practice it.
• 35:41
  Edie Weinstein: And it was extraordinary.
• 35:43
  Edie Weinstein: I absolutely loved it.
• 35:45
  Khalila McCoy: What are some of the highlights from your talk?
• 35:48
  Edie Weinstein: Well, first of all, what you and I talked about about the importance of nurturing touch by consent, that it's it's got healing components to it, how it brings people together.
• 35:57
  Edie Weinstein: I shared the hug mobster story, I shared the heart attack story, um, I shared the veterans stories that I mentioned.
• 36:04
  Edie Weinstein: I think I shared the Portland, Oregon story.
• 36:06
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I asked people at the beginning um how many people experience three hugs a day, have them raise their hands, how many eight hugs a day, how many 12 hugs a day.
• 36:17
  Edie Weinstein: Virginia Satir, S-A-T-I-R, was a psychologist who posited that we need, I think, three hugs a day just to survive, eight hugs a day for maintenance and 12 maximum.
• 36:30
  Edie Weinstein: Unless I'm with my grandchildren or um doing free hugs, I don't get three hugs a day.
• 36:37
  Edie Weinstein: So I hug myself, you know, do a lot of that.
• 36:40
  Edie Weinstein: And then at the very end, um, I sang and had the audience do a sing along.
• 36:45
  Edie Weinstein: There's an amazing singer-songwriter in Massachusetts now.
• 36:49
  Edie Weinstein: His name is Fred Small, and the song is called The Hug.
• 36:53
  Edie Weinstein: People want to look it up.
• 36:54
  Edie Weinstein: And it's a story of I think a psychologist or psychiatrist in a psych hospital who hugged his patients.
• 37:01
  Edie Weinstein: He got in trouble for doing that because you're not supposed to, you know, back then, not supposed to.
• 37:06
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so the chorus is I want to hug when we say hello, I want to hug when it's time to go, I want a hug because I want you to know I'm awfully fond of you.
• 37:16
  Edie Weinstein: And it goes on and on like that.
• 37:17
  Edie Weinstein: So we did the call and response, I want a hug.
• 37:19
  Edie Weinstein: So that was how it ended.
• 37:21
  Edie Weinstein: Um, in terms of hugging clients, my clients ask for hugs.
• 37:26
  Edie Weinstein: They ask for hugs, I give them hugs.
• 37:29
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I have an again, I'm an outpatient practice, and I don't know for sure how many of them have hugs in their daily lives.
• 37:38
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I had an intake with somebody this week, never met her before, talked to her on the phone.
• 37:43
  Edie Weinstein: She was in my office, and after an hour, we did our intake, and as she left, she says, Can I have a hug?
• 37:50
  Edie Weinstein: So it you know, I said, Of course, absolutely.
• 37:53
  Edie Weinstein: I think with consent, with good intention, particularly with people who are trauma survivors, and touch wasn't always kind and caring and nurturing.
• 38:05
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 38:05
  Edie Weinstein: I think it's okay.
• 38:06
  Edie Weinstein: My boss thinks it's okay.
• 38:08
  Edie Weinstein: I don't, you know, don't have a problem with that.
• 38:10
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I won't hug anybody if they're if they don't ask.
• 38:14
  Edie Weinstein: Um I'm a a person of small stature.
• 38:18
  Edie Weinstein: I'm five, two and a half.
• 38:20
  Edie Weinstein: I love it when tall people come down to my level.
• 38:22
  Edie Weinstein: I've some very tall persons.
• 38:25
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and I saw one of them yesterday.
• 38:27
  Edie Weinstein: I said, Thank you for coming.
• 38:28
  Edie Weinstein: He's like, I don't know, six, two, six, three.
• 38:31
  Edie Weinstein: Oh yeah.
• 38:32
  Edie Weinstein: You know, my son is six one.
• 38:34
  Edie Weinstein: Um, he'll he'll bend down.
• 38:36
  Edie Weinstein: My grandson at six years old is almost up to my like the middle of my chest.
• 38:42
  Khalila McCoy: Uh-huh.
• 38:42
  Khalila McCoy: Maybe a tall.
• 38:43
  Khalila McCoy: So he'll have to bend down one day too to give grandma a hug.
• 38:46
  Edie Weinstein: Yep.
• 38:47
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah, absolutely.
• 38:48
  Khalila McCoy: Do you have any suggestions of how to connect with people?
• 38:52
  Khalila McCoy: Like say someone's not a hugger, but they need a connection or something like that, or you can see that in somebody, what would you suggest?
• 39:00
  Edie Weinstein: Well, I'll ask them.
• 39:00
  Edie Weinstein: Like you're talking about if I'm out in public or if I'm with clients.
• 39:05
  Edie Weinstein: I mean, I'll I'll say what helps you feel close to people.
• 39:08
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 39:09
  Edie Weinstein: You know, just sitting in their presence, just listening.
• 39:12
  Edie Weinstein: Um, how do you take care of your touch needs?
• 39:15
  Edie Weinstein: Because during the pandemic, we, you know, if you're touch deprived, it can create more depression.
• 39:21
  Edie Weinstein: So I used to do um like Facebook Live kind of things during the pandemic, where I would encourage people to hug themselves.
• 39:30
  Edie Weinstein: I would encourage them to wrap themselves in blankets, hug pillows, hug trees, hug animals.
• 39:37
  Edie Weinstein: The first time I hugged a mammal during the pandemic was my my cousin's dog.
• 39:43
  Edie Weinstein: Um I went to visit her and we were sitting in her backyard, like 20 feet apart.
• 39:48
  Edie Weinstein: And I think with dogs, Maddie was running back and forth between us, and she was muddy.
• 39:54
  Edie Weinstein: And when she jumped on my lap, I sobbed.
• 39:56
  Edie Weinstein: Because so she was the first mammal that I hugged during the pandemic.
• 40:00
  Edie Weinstein: What was also hard for me was my grandson was born January 21st, 2020.
• 40:06
  Edie Weinstein: He was the best thing that happened in our family that year.
• 40:09
  Edie Weinstein: So I was there just about every day to help take care of him and to make sure that my son and daughter-in-law got to eat, sleep, and do normal people things.
• 40:16
  Edie Weinstein: The other grandparents were there too, my daughter-in-law's sister.
• 40:20
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and then the pandemic happened, like the middle of March, bam.
• 40:24
  Edie Weinstein: I didn't see Dean for 11 weeks after that.
• 40:28
  Edie Weinstein: That was that was heartbreaking.
• 40:30
  Edie Weinstein: I can imagine.
• 40:31
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 40:31
  Edie Weinstein: But we'd do daily um either FaceTime or videos or phone calls.
• 40:37
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I would read to him or I would say nursery rhymes, I would sing to him.
• 40:42
  Edie Weinstein: Now, this was before this voice.
• 40:44
  Edie Weinstein: This is before I was diagnosed with COPD.
• 40:46
  Edie Weinstein: Um, and that got me through.
• 40:49
  Edie Weinstein: So the first time I got to see him was after I'd been home for you know that time.
• 40:56
  Edie Weinstein: My son said, Look, you're working from home, you're not out in the world, you wear a mask.
• 41:00
  Edie Weinstein: And I don't think we were there were vaccines at that point.
• 41:03
  Edie Weinstein: And he said, Okay, you can come over and see him, but you gotta wear a mask, gotta wear, he didn't make me wear gloves because I I, you know, but he said you have to sanitize, like alcohol is a hand sanitizer, a blanket, and then I held him.
• 41:17
  Edie Weinstein: But you know, we are a very huggy family.
• 41:19
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I grew up in a very huggy family.
• 41:21
  Edie Weinstein: My friends all know that, you know, that they can expect a hug.
• 41:25
  Edie Weinstein: My kid, my son and daughter-in-law got me um a doormat, I'm putting over here because my front door is over there, a doormat that said um prepare to be hugged, something like that.
• 41:36
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 41:37
  Edie Weinstein: So people know that that's that's my branding, I guess.
• 41:41
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 41:41
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 41:43
  Khalila McCoy: What have you learned or how have you grown from giving hugs?
• 41:51
  Edie Weinstein: Well, I've learned that something as simple as a hug can change somebody's life just like that, changed mine.
• 41:58
  Edie Weinstein: Um I know that it brings people closer together.
• 42:04
  Edie Weinstein: It crosses all divides, you know, religion, gender, presentation, sexuality.
• 42:10
  Edie Weinstein: When I hug people, unless they tell me I don't know who they voted for, I'm hoping that that hugs um melt away the hardened edges around people's hearts, um, regardless of which side of the aisle you're on.
• 42:22
  Edie Weinstein: Um I, you know, what else have I learned about hugs?
• 42:26
  Edie Weinstein: They're healing.
• 42:27
  Edie Weinstein: Hugs heal.
• 42:28
  Edie Weinstein: And um I, you know, it it may when people do the free hug stuff with me, um, men usually are a little timid about it because they're most women would sooner hug a woman offering a hug than a man because of how we're enculturated.
• 42:47
  Edie Weinstein: But the men that I've done the free hug stuff with have just, you know, they've been, you know, they've been welcomed by most of the women that that that you come across our, you know, our little gathering here.
• 43:00
  Edie Weinstein: I'm not doing them as much as I did before because I still have because of the respiratory condition, I get winded very easily.
• 43:10
  Edie Weinstein: So in the past, I would have gone out in this kind of weather.
• 43:14
  Edie Weinstein: You know, it's been single digits here.
• 43:15
  Edie Weinstein: I went we went out in a blizzard once.
• 43:18
  Edie Weinstein: I can't risk that right now.
• 43:19
  Khalila McCoy: No.
• 43:20
  Edie Weinstein: Pneumonia, it's no fun.
• 43:21
  Edie Weinstein: I don't want that.
• 43:22
  Edie Weinstein: Um so I pretty much stick to warmer weather when I do the free hosting now.
• 43:29
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 43:29
  Khalila McCoy: So you'll be out back out probably in the spring, summer.
• 43:33
  Edie Weinstein: Yep.
• 43:33
  Edie Weinstein: Yeah.
• 43:34
  Edie Weinstein: Um, there is an event.
• 43:35
  Edie Weinstein: I don't know if it's May 6th, I don't know if it's World Hug Day.
• 43:39
  Edie Weinstein: Um, but I'm out, you know, gonna be doing that.
• 43:43
  Edie Weinstein: And I usually do it on my cardioversary.
• 43:45
  Edie Weinstein: Um this year will be 30.
• 43:47
  Edie Weinstein: Wait, this is 2026.
• 43:50
  Edie Weinstein: So 12 years.
• 43:50
  Edie Weinstein: This year it'll be 12 years.
• 43:52
  Khalila McCoy: Well, congratulations, early.
• 43:54
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
• 43:55
  Edie Weinstein: So, you know, what I say about that is that the woman that I was died that day.
• 43:59
  Edie Weinstein: Day, not literally died, to give birth to the one who's talking to you now.
• 44:03
  Edie Weinstein: And she had to die because she was killing me.
• 44:06
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 44:07
  Edie Weinstein: Right.
• 44:07
  Edie Weinstein: I, you know.
• 44:08
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so I encourage any woman, go, you know, see a cardiologist, see your doc, get checkups, check, you know, watch your cholesterol, your blood pressure, um, get enough sleep.
• 44:19
  Edie Weinstein: And I know that's hard when you're a parent.
• 44:21
  Edie Weinstein: And fortunately, I didn't have young children at home.
• 44:25
  Edie Weinstein: My son, he's 38 now.
• 44:26
  Edie Weinstein: He was a grown-up at the time.
• 44:28
  Edie Weinstein: He was out, you know, flown, grown and flown.
• 44:30
  Edie Weinstein: Um, but I've known women who still have children at home who've had heart attacks.
• 44:36
  Edie Weinstein: Um, it's it's a major health crisis for women.
• 44:40
  Edie Weinstein: And February, actually, um, as we're recording this February 1st, it's something like go go red for women.
• 44:47
  Edie Weinstein: That's what it was.
• 44:48
  Edie Weinstein: Go red for women.
• 44:49
  Edie Weinstein: Um, I think it's the American Red Cross.
• 44:51
  Edie Weinstein: Um, so yeah, you matter.
• 44:54
  Edie Weinstein: Your health matters.
• 44:56
  Edie Weinstein: Because as women, we're taught our role is to take care of other people.
• 44:59
  Edie Weinstein: Can't take care of anybody else.
• 45:01
  Edie Weinstein: Like the the oxygen mass metaphor in an airplane.
• 45:04
  Edie Weinstein: You can't help anybody else if you're pests out on the floor from oxygen deprivation.
• 45:09
  Edie Weinstein: And you deserve it for you, too.
• 45:11
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 45:12
  Khalila McCoy: I always ask our guests, we've heard your story.
• 45:17
  Khalila McCoy: What would you like us to remember?
• 45:19
  Khalila McCoy: How can we rise in our own lives?
• 45:25
  Edie Weinstein: First of all, breathe.
• 45:26
  Edie Weinstein: Because when we breathe, we think more clearly.
• 45:29
  Edie Weinstein: When we're oxygen deprived, we can't make good decisions.
• 45:33
  Edie Weinstein: Um, number two, realize that you are important.
• 45:36
  Edie Weinstein: You are a person of value, whether or not you are on.
• 45:41
  Edie Weinstein: That was a hard-earned lesson.
• 45:43
  Edie Weinstein: Um, you matter to the people in your life.
• 45:46
  Edie Weinstein: Connect if you're feeling lonely, volunteer, get involved in your community, find kindred spirits, do what you love to do, and you're going to attract people who love doing what you love to do.
• 45:58
  Edie Weinstein: Um, if you're not comfortable hugging other people for whatever reason, hug yourself.
• 46:03
  Edie Weinstein: Hug trees, hug animals.
• 46:05
  Edie Weinstein: Um, but I encourage you to stretch your comfort zones a little bit and hug people that you trust.
• 46:11
  Edie Weinstein: I have wonderful friends who are very huggy with me, but would never in a million years do what I do, go out into the world and do the free hugs thing.
• 46:19
  Edie Weinstein: That's just not how they're wired.
• 46:20
  Edie Weinstein: Fine.
• 46:21
  Edie Weinstein: That's okay.
• 46:22
  Edie Weinstein: You know.
• 46:23
  Edie Weinstein: So um gratitude.
• 46:26
  Edie Weinstein: Be grateful for what you for who you are and what you have in your life around, you know, I I do gratitude lists every day.
• 46:34
  Edie Weinstein: Um bless the people in your life.
• 46:38
  Edie Weinstein: I do, I say prayers every night, um, including for my clients.
• 46:42
  Edie Weinstein: They know I, you know, I I don't, you know, I don't tell anybody what to believe spiritually.
• 46:46
  Edie Weinstein: What I say is love is my religion and God's too big to fit into any box.
• 46:51
  Edie Weinstein: So I ask my clients, is it okay if I include you in my prayers at night?
• 46:55
  Edie Weinstein: Yep, absolutely.
• 46:56
  Edie Weinstein: You know, I say prayers for my clients, past, present, and future.
• 47:00
  Edie Weinstein: Love your life to the to the best of your ability and love the people in it.
• 47:04
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 47:04
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you so much for that.
• 47:07
  Khalila McCoy: And I want to thank you for who you are and what you have chosen to do.
• 47:11
  Khalila McCoy: Like you said, you're going out, getting a little bit out of your comfort zone, hugging anybody who needs it and showing love to somebody, no matter, like you said, anything about them, their their race, their religion, how tall, how short they are, just loving people as they are as a human.
• 47:29
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that's so important.
• 47:30
  Khalila McCoy: And, you know, to our listeners, obviously, you don't have to give a hug, but just looking at somebody and thinking about them in a positive way with positive intent is really what we need in the world.
• 47:41
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm very happy to have met you.
• 47:44
  Khalila McCoy: I'm so excited for what you're doing.
• 47:46
  Khalila McCoy: I wish we were in person, but I'm gonna hug myself and hug you because I feel like I'm missing out on an ED hug.
• 47:52
  Khalila McCoy: But yeah, and I love the idea of just hug yourself too, because sometimes, you know, you're the only one there in that time.
• 47:59
  Khalila McCoy: So yeah, thank you for all those reminders and those things to think about and ponder.
• 48:06
  Edie Weinstein: My pleasure.
• 48:07
  Edie Weinstein: Well, so people can reach me.
• 48:08
  Edie Weinstein: Help people can reach me.
• 48:09
  Edie Weinstein: Oh, yes, please.
• 48:09
  Edie Weinstein: My website.
• 48:10
  Edie Weinstein: Um, it's www.optiopti hyphen mystical, m-s-t-i-c-a-l.com.
• 48:20
  Edie Weinstein: Where that came from is that several years ago, either in meditation or prayer, the words came to me.
• 48:28
  Edie Weinstein: You're not just an optimist, you're an optimistic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility.
• 48:34
  Edie Weinstein: So, cool story about that was a friend of mine took those words and made a meme.
• 48:40
  Edie Weinstein: And it had an elephant, it had a bird, it had the elephant was wearing a top hat, um, and it made the world worldwide whirlwind tour.
• 48:49
  Edie Weinstein: So on my birthday, I forget how many years ago, somebody messaged me and said, quick, Julian Lennon, John Lennon's son, put it on his Facebook page.
• 48:57
  Edie Weinstein: Ah, you're kidding.
• 48:58
  Edie Weinstein: No, no, no, look, look, look.
• 48:59
  Edie Weinstein: So that's the claim to fame with the Leno.
• 49:01
  Edie Weinstein: And other people have since taken the words, giving me credit, um, and had different imagery on it.
• 49:07
  Edie Weinstein: So if you want to look it up, I'm not just an optimist, I'm an optimistic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility.
• 49:13
  Edie Weinstein: So I encourage people to become optimistics too.
• 49:16
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 49:17
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
• 49:17
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I'll look for that.
• 49:19
  Khalila McCoy: And I'll add all of that on our show notes as well.
• 49:21
  Khalila McCoy: So people can reach out to you and follow you and hopefully one day see you in person or start their own hug group as well.
• 49:30
  Edie Weinstein: Absolutely.
• 49:30
  Edie Weinstein: Thank you.
• 49:31
  Khalila McCoy: All right, thank you.
• 49:32
  Khalila McCoy: Take care.
• 49:33
  Khalila McCoy: Edie was so fun to talk to.
• 49:38
  Khalila McCoy: Her takeaways were wonderful.
• 49:40
  Khalila McCoy: I really encourage you to listen to those again and see how you can apply them in your own life.
• 49:46
  Khalila McCoy: I wrote down so many things while she was talking that I want to make sure I remember.
• 49:50
  Khalila McCoy: So let me ask you, what are you taking away from this conversation?
• 49:56
  Khalila McCoy: For me, it's the reminder to take care of yourself.
• 50:02
  Khalila McCoy: At the beginning of the episode, when I introduced Edie, I talked about her ability to pour love into others, but she can only do that because she takes time to love herself too.
• 50:13
  Khalila McCoy: She gives herself a hug.
• 50:15
  Khalila McCoy: She lets her body, mind, and spirit recover.
• 50:18
  Khalila McCoy: She listened when the people around her and the professionals in her life told her to slow down and pay attention to what her body needed.
• 50:26
  Khalila McCoy: I love how Edie talks about how she's a little bit older than me and potentially most of the listeners.
• 50:34
  Khalila McCoy: But she has a wealth of knowledge that reminds us all we're not invincible.
• 50:41
  Khalila McCoy: We need to rest.
• 50:42
  Khalila McCoy: We need to slow down.
• 50:44
  Khalila McCoy: And if we take what she said, we can learn from it, no matter what age we are.
• 50:50
  Khalila McCoy: And like she said with the oxygen mask analogy, you can't help others if you don't take care of you.
• 50:57
  Khalila McCoy: So as much as I love encouraging you to take care of the people around you, I want you to take time to reflect and act on your own needs as well.
• 51:08
  Khalila McCoy: Maybe you're the one who needs a hug today.
• 51:11
  Khalila McCoy: Go ask for one or give yourself one.
• 51:14
  Khalila McCoy: And if you need it, I love hugs, so I'm sending you one right now.
• 51:19
  Khalila McCoy: All right, y'all.
• 51:22
  Khalila McCoy: That is our time for today.
• 51:24
  Khalila McCoy: But as you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to notice.
• 51:36
  Khalila McCoy: I'll meet you back here next time.
• 51:39
  Khalila McCoy: See ya bye.