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THE LIE THAT'S KEEPING YOU IN THE HEALING LOOP · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: There was a lot of charge around uh experiences from when I was younger, multiple experiences of sexual trauma.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: And the body remembers when I finally let myself be held and seen and witnessed by another person in in a loving space, all of that wanted to come out.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: All of the emotion around those experiences that the body was holding was like, I'm finally safe to come out right now.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: And and it was a big deal for me to just let go because I was trying to control, because that was I I thought, I thought as trying to control, right?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: Never controlling the outside, but you know, trying to control my internal so that I would be safe.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Please understand we are not therapists, we are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: My name is Angela Shelby, and I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: And today we are talking about healing shame through embodiment and what that means.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what that means.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: And if you stick around, we'll give you some tools and techniques on how to do that.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Healing shame, shame, shame.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: Shame is such a mental exercise.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: Shame is not a physical exercise, it's something that we are taught.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: It is something used to control us because if you're ashamed of something and somebody says, ah, this is what you need to do to fix that, oh, they have a handle on you.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: They can control you and turn you any which way they want to, because they have your solution.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's it's all up here.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: Shame is mental.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: So, but it affects everything.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: Our mental affects everything, what we think.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Uh but healing shame, you are the queen of embodiment.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: That is that is your thing.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: Healing shame through embodiment.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, my understanding is it's it's bringing you back into the body and tackling shame through embodiment exercises.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I want to go back to shame uh too from a different perspective.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because and I like, I like that we have different understandings and experiences because everything is different.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: So for me, I did not know that I was holding shame until I remembered my repressed memories.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I was sexually abused when I was younger, and I've talked about that.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: And the the big thing was that when I finally I didn't remember, I didn't remember anything under the age of 11, but I I would I'd see things and I knew, and I I knew because of my behavior throughout my 20s and all these things, there's something, but I would always avoid.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: And when I went on the spiritual journey, I started to unpack and unfold.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I was like, okay, there was this that happened, fine.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: And then one day when I actually was in a space where I really started doing a lot of somatic work, and somatic work is doing different things with the body, recognizing things within the body, breath work, uh, actually touch, like feeling the energy move through the body, but physically feeling it.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was doing a lot of that.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then one day I know I felt safe enough in my body, and I remembered my repressed memories.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: And when I actually finally attached to it was the experience, the sexual abuse from when I was younger.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't recognize it, but I saw shame wash through as I was remembering the memories.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so I never attached that.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: I never knew that I had this unit truly unconscious attachment to my worth through the sexual abuse.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't know that I had created these beliefs around it.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so I didn't actually say in my head, what did I do to deserve this?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: What, why, what did I do to cause this?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: And that would have been thoughts around belief of worth, like my value.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then because of this, I right, what did I do to create that experience?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: I never had that connection.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so I know like there are experiences like you shared with being taught, right?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: In in your experience that this was just so I like to share this because I had no idea and no idea.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I started to think about it and process through that in a different way, I started to actually connect the dots into how the rest of my the rest of the stuff in my life started to evolve.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: I started to show up in my business differently because I recognized finally that there was shame that I was processing.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, so I like to bring that up because it was just so behind the scenes.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: It was literally running.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And part of it is because of repressed memories.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I also I don't really hear people talk about that around like uh sexual abuse.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: I I know they do, but I just haven't heard enough about it where people like, well, what did I do?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: I have shame around that this happened to me.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, very good points.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: Very, very good points.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: I I like how you and I have such different perspectives because shame was like a stamp on life.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: That was like, here you are, you're in the world, you are, you came into the world broken and full of sin.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: Here's your shame, next in line, you know.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it was such a such a part of Catholic life.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: Is to be, you know, making up for something all the time.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Different different perspectives.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I love it because I I didn't really even even understand what shame was.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so I didn't grow up.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I definitely, I definitely had the I did go through the Catholicism, but I didn't even remember half of that.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then it wasn't practiced and it wasn't, there was nothing there.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I blocked out a lot of that.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe it isn't there, but I definitely wasn't anything conscious.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Conscious.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: I had very conscious shame, you had very unconscious shame.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: So healing shame.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: I found that to be a tricky thing growing up.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: I have found that the opposite of shame is value, is understanding my value, my inherent value, period.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Unshakable.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't matter what happens.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: I am valuable.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: But there's understanding and then there's embodying what we are understanding, which that can be a huge disconnect, especially for us in the spiritual community, again, where we can be very outside of our body, not in our body, thinking we have to transcend our body, where being in the body is where like the magic can happen.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: It's like this beautiful instrument or tuning fork.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: And whether people realize it or not, the body actually processes emotions.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: If it's something we just don't want to look at or handle, it has to go somewhere.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: It has to.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: So the body will take it.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: And for example, if you have tons of anxiety and you just don't know what to do with it, your stomach, it'll come out in your stomach.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Your stomach, you can have upset stomach, digestive issues.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's your body going, honey, you don't know what to do with it.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: All this energy has to go somewhere.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: We'll put it through the stomach.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Here you go.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: So we think of it as like, oh, this is illness, this is horrible, and it doesn't feel good, but it's our body processing, often processing emotions.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: Unprocessed stuff.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: So this beautiful tuning fork, the difference between processing something consciously and processing something unconsciously, because one way or another, it's coming through the tuning fork.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: One way or another.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: So to consciously process shame, you talk about how one of the ways you processed your shame was touching.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's how you embodied dealing with that shame.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: Can you describe it from you've described it before, but can you describe it from that perspective?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: And first I want to go back to uh this, what I have learned.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I've learned because of working with clients, because of myself and and what has been shared through in channeling, that what we can experience through trauma when we're younger is that there's some sort of stop in a natural flow of emotions.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe through coping mechanism, because it was too hard, or because we were literally told don't cry.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: There's a there's a natural, what I would call like loop.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: There's a loop that goes around, emotions go, it's energy, it flows naturally done.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: You can be done in 30 seconds.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: And that's like a natural flow.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so it there are things that happen where it then it becomes an unprocessed loop.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: So unprocessed, it never goes through that emotion.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: It never completes, never completes.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: You get stuck.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: So what I would tend to do or I would see clients do is like they wouldn't, there would be some avoidance that wouldn't process that emotion.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so they whether they just need to be witnessing it or know that it was safe enough to do it, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm reacting now because I don't feel safe enough to do it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: And if I don't feel safe enough, my body's actually not gonna process it.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I can think myself to understand the root cause all day long.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: All day long.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: I can know where it came from, and this is it, and that's a lot of the work that I would do.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then I added the embodiment and integration piece, which is kind of morphed all of it, which allowed the understanding of the behavior, the stem of the behavior, and how we can create uh the loop or allow the loop to complete that feels safe and good.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: And it happens slowly.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to create this loop is or really being able to flow in that loop naturally and learn how to, what I have learned really attunes to the truth of embodiment.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: And embodiment means, if you don't know, it means I feel that innately within my body.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe I know I'm safe because I've done the work.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: I know that men are safe, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: I've never had a real, say, healthy male relationship.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I know I'm safe and I and I finally maybe attracted that safe partner, and then I want to fucking self-sabotage because I'm like, I don't know, but they're not doing anything, they're not doing anything off.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so my body doesn't know that truth yet.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: But the integration through that, the that process of allowing the things to come up as they come up.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: So finally I go.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: Things like emotions, like the the shame or whatever the emotion is.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: And finally, I can I can allow that loop to naturally process with an integrated natural state and with the truth that that I am safe, but my body feels it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: It not only I know it, it feels that and I act and operate in that way.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: So describe.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: So describe an emotion coming up, like uh being stuck in that loop, not being able to complete that emotion loop so that it passes through.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: So that it moves out of your body.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: You're stuck there.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: What is an exercise that like you would do?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_03: What is something that you would do to embody that so that it moves through for you?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the there's one thing coming through and it's around food.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: So uh I've had so many people, including myself, work through like through avoidance of food and they're avoiding the stresses that it initially brought up.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: So there was, say, you would get, which I feel like have happened quite a bit, that I've seen clients where like you'd get yelled at at the dinner table for not getting your homework done or the grades.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: And that was because that was maybe family time, but un but it turned into that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Guilt and shame, guilt and shame for not getting stuff done, guilt and shame for not being enough.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's then there's like an equation to food.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: So food and I'm not safe.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: If I see food, I'm not safe.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and also there's an aspect of performance.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's the the dissociation of any emotion.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: So there might be an emotion of like sadness, like fuck man, like, you know, I can't even just be seen for myself.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have seen that come in, and and what I have suggested or what's come in as a suggestion is to change the relationship with food.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a relationship.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: I've had an association, it's unconscious, it's subconscious, it's there.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm reacting.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen it where then I've seen the examples of clients specifically where they equate work and they are like, I need to perform, right?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: I need to be seen, and then I'm not going to eat during my workday because it was really fucking stressful for me to be around that environment.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: So an exercise would be changing the relationship and an association with work and with, you know, the avoidance of the emotion or not drop being able to drop into safety of the emotion.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like maybe it is stressful at work, right?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I am having a moment.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so being able to then put take pauses and even set alarms, because I've noticed that people will forget.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: So set an alarm to go and eat, and but even play a fun song with the alarm, like start to shift the energy and recognize this is my fun food dance song.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: And actually choose food that you get excited about.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: And and then also there's the emotion.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: So you may be stressed, but the time with the food to change the relationship is not to avoid, it is to just acknowledge what's moving through your body, which right now maybe it's stress.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I am sad, maybe that project is making me angry.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Breathe.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: Acknowledge that because we don't want to avoid.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to acknowledge that, be with it, sit with it, and allow that emotion to flow through.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Mind, body, emotion, connection.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: So it's doing something embodied in your body to change that feeling, to change that relationship with that feeling.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of shame around food.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I will go to the opposite spectrum.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: You're talking about people who had a negative experience with food, so they don't eat in adulthood, especially when they're working.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's what it was related to.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm thinking of times when people overeat and feel guilty about it.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because they are overeating to for multiple reasons.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: It can be anything, but the shame it creates and how it can just circle in the mind.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: And that to do something about it with food is like you said, changing your relationship to it.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I see so many people, and myself included, I have done this where I will do the next diet.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: I will, I will, I'm going to do, you know, X, Y, Z and do this many calories, and it works for a while, and then we bounce back to old patterns.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's because we didn't embody our relationship.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: We didn't change our relationship.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: We didn't embody a change within ourselves.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: So with that, processing that shame, how I changed my relationship with food.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I went to spirit first because that's where I go when I need help.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: But for me to embody change around food, I had to look at my shame and my guilt, which I stored a lot of it in my face and my jaw.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um and change my relationship to it.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: So the message I got from Spirit was stop thinking about it and stop worrying about it.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: Stop thinking about it, stop worrying about it, and listen to your body.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: So instead of getting caught up in the shame of I shouldn't be doing this, I I shouldn't be eating like this.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: I looked at it to stop listening to the shame and listen to my body in this moment.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: What is valuable to me in this moment with my body?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: If I eat this, how do I feel about it?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: How does it feel to me as opposed to I shouldn't be eating this because I know it will do this?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: It helped me let go of the shame because I'm just listening to my body and what my body needs.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: And so I eat more healthfully because just based on what my body needs.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: But it's getting out of that mental space and listening to the body, not what, not what is cycling through my head.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: And doing what feels good.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: So the opposite of shame is value.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what do we value more than anything as humans?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's joy, it's love, it's feeling good.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: So focusing on what we value about ourselves and about our bodies in that moment, whatever it is related to shame.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: That was about food.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: Trying to sex.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: This is a sexual podcast.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: Food and sex do go together.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: They do, they do.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, it's it's all places of avoidance, right?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so I, for me, the big part is mind-body connection.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's when I noticed I went from actually feeling like I'm I'm knowing what's going on and I'm aware to actually being in that space and operating.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so it is no matter what it is, it could be food, it could be sex, but it is this, this, okay, I'm recognizing what's coming in, I'm not suppressing it, and I'm recognizing the emotion.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm also feeling the sensation.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: So what's happening in my body.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And you can equate that too to sex because some people numb out in sex.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it just like I can numb out in food, I could my body will just be already numbed out.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: So really being able to just start to tune into the the exercises of feeling what's going on in the body with the emotions as I'm recognizing what that is, that's anger.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes I would even, I wouldn't even ask myself or clients, I recognize I can't attach.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: I asked my body, how do I feel?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I I heard anger, but I can't attach to it because it hasn't felt safe enough to drop into that.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: So starting to become aware of the body, ask it because was I asked how I was felt?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: How how I felt when I was growing up?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: How many times were we not asked?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so we ask ourselves and we start to tune in mind, body, emotion, all that connection.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then you start to notice, oh, okay, I feel this weird sensation in my throat.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: What am I not saying in my commun communication with sex?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like feel that.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: And when we start to slow down, we start to exercise uh and understand where we're disconnected and disassociated, an opportunity to actually embody the truth of whatever that is, the truth of it's safe to express, the truth of it's safe to receive pleasure, right?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: All of that.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: Would you like to meet your spirit guides or build a deeper connection with them?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: If so, I have an online self guided course with simple exercises and recommendations to help you build your connection with your spirit guides in your own way and at your own pace.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: If you're interested, please check it out at www.angelashelby.com or click the link in the show notes with embodiment and shame.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of shame doesn't feel good.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Guilt doesn't feel good.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: So that's one of those things we tend to.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to feel it, so I'm not gonna look at it.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: Not gonna go there.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: It just buries it.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: It just actually breeds it more, makes it go into that cycle where it keeps cycling, doesn't complete.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_03: And the the value is sitting and being with that.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: And like you said, feeling it in the body.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then when we are present like that, and you said feel it, that gives us the opportunity to change it and do something different with it.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: So one of the things I do, we talk about a lot, write.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: Writing is another way to embody shame and convert it and get it out of the body and just write.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Write whatever's in your head in that moment of shame, whatever it is.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it could be about an experience, it could just be, I don't even effing no, I'm thinking about this recipe, or just whatever it is.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: It could be F you 50 times, whatever it is.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Uh dancing is another way to embody and have shame move through.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: So sounds really weird, but if you're stuck in negative emotions or feelings, put on some music and just move.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't even have to be what you would consider dance, just move however you feel like moving.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: It helps you process it through your body and move it out of your body instead of it just sitting there circling around.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: And this is the cool thing about that.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: Those emotions and feelings that that feed shame and cause it, I call it mind vomit.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: It helps clear that out.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: So that new ideas, yeah, new inspiration can come in, new thoughts about yourself, can come in.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: I like to follow up those exercises with what is something I value right now?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: And especially if you can do it about yourself.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: What is what do I value right now about myself?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: It could be I took the time to sit here and do this stupid shit.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, yeah.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of these exercises, when especially when you're really in the dumps, they feel stupid when you start to do them.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I can't believe I'm doing this.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: But then you continue to do it and you can feel the energy shift.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: You can you can feel how it changes.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I love that.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have any other favorites of embodiment?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: Those are two of my favorites.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to go back to the touch.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: The touch is really big, is especially when we talk about sexuality and like that connection there.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I did not like to be touched.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: Now I didn't know that that was connected to shame.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: There was shame and a connection to my worth and value and receiving touch or of like being there.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot connected to the sexual abuse, but I recognize this eventually.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so I suggest, right, touch yourself.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't need to be someone outside of you.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: Touch yourself anywhere, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Anywhere, legs, arms, start there.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: You have your genitals.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then the other big thing is a platon in a platonic way.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you don't like if you don't like hugs, a lot of times I'll ask people, do you want a hug?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, before I actually, because I know, I know what it's like to be there where we were like, well, I don't want.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: I would encourage the the dis even if you feel discomfort to go out and even ask for hugs, like in a platonic way.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: And you may feel uncomfortable, but you're you allow yourself, and especially we do it with a friend, right?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: You allow yourself to what is coming up, like be aware of emotions coming up.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you did not receive that physical affection from family when you were younger, and especially around places of time where like you had the emotions and you were not physically held.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen that so much.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: So when you actually allow yourself to be held, which is what you're doing, and then you may have emotions come up with it, but don't suppress it because you think it's awkward to cry on someone's shoulder.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: You allow yourself to be in that and breathe through it, and then you'll notice that it goes away.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: And not because, oh, it needs to go away, it's because it's actually went through the loop that it never got to.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, I say integration is huge.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: Integration, which means application of the knowledge that I know that I'm safe, that I know that I deserve and I'm worthy of physical affection and being held will create those experiences to actually be held and allow yourself to be held for it.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: And it's very interesting how being in the body and having these seemingly unrelated physical experiences can process those negative emotions or uncomfortable emotions.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, overload emotions.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's just uh interesting.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: I know the that's a whole other episode.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: I know it's coming up in the BDSM community.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_03: Just emotional release.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_03: Don't know why, but like stuff's just being resolved because you went through this scene.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's like we don't know how.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's there's something about it, it's about being in the body.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: And being so present in the body allows that stuff to move through.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: But we're so afraid to do that because we don't want to feel where it's actually harder to avoid it and have it be floating around in there than it is to just sit with it for the for that time.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_03: And focus on it and allow it to move through.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's our attention that allows it to move through.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's really big, I think, for me that I learned that it's okay to have emotion in sexual experiences.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: It is there were there was a lot of charge around uh experiences for when I was younger, multiple experiences of sexual trauma.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: And the body remembers, and when I finally let myself be held and seen and witnessed by another person in a loving space, all of that wanted to come out.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: All of the emotion around those experiences that the body was holding was like, I'm finally safe to come out right now.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: And and it was a big deal for me to just let go because I was trying to control, because that was I I thought, I thought as trying to control, right?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Never controlling the outside, but you know, trying to control my internal so that I would be safe.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: And the truth is, is that once we let that move through, that is actually the ultimate safety.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then you just have better sex.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like actually in your body.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: And allowing just emotions to move through.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like they're you're not even talking about like the warm, fuzzy emotions.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_03: You're talking about like, I just started crying and I don't know why.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know why.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: Just allowing things to move through.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: You're being honest and present.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: And partners value that.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: If they don't, they're the wrong partner.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: If you had one takeaway for today, what would it be?
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: I would say that embodiment is can really help shift if if you are someone who has been looping through the same thing over and over, and you're not sure how to resolve it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, I know what's going on.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: There's one time, there's something with intellectualizing something and understanding it.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes we can bypass just by doing that.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: And really give yourself the space to create new experiences that is actually telling the truth of the situation, which yes, I know that I'm safe, whatever it is.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: If I know I'm safe, what experience can I create that will help my body actually feel that and know that?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not self-sabotaging.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I may want to self-sabotage, so it's all good.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: There's a balance, but create those experiences without them, you don't know.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like asking people for hugs if it's like never really held and I'm not really a hugger, but I'm gonna start asking people for hugs.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: It is consciously creating and embodying the resolution.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of avoiding, instead of avoiding.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: My takeaway today would be it is never too late to do any of this.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: I have a lot of older clients, and I hear I'm in my 70s.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: I, you know, that's not really I I really can't deal with that, or it's the end of my life, and their guides are coming through going, no, you just finished a cycle.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: You're moving on to a whole new cycle.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like this is a time of expansion for you.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: This is a time of great change.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: This is a time to dump that extra weight, that shame and that guilt.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't matter what stage of life you're in, it is never too late.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: And you, in the eyes of spirit, you are always eternal, you are always young, and there's always opportunity.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're like, I'm in my I'm old, I'm not gonna deal with that.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_03: I I I'm not gonna deal with that shame.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna deal with that stuff.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm getting ready to go.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, no, you don't understand.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're just getting started.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like this is a whole new horizon for you.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's always, it always is.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's been a theme lately.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: So uh yes, I love that.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: Juicy, juicy.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 32:39
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• 32:43
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• 32:47
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• 32:55
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• 32:59
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• 33:22
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• 33:28
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• 33:30
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