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55. Compassionate Family Constellations with Alejandra Pistorio · Constellations and all that...

• 0:00
  Tracy: Kiona and welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:03
  Tracy: I'm your host, Tracy Cartwright, and together we will be exploring the world of family constellations with facilitators for and clients from around the world, looking at different perspectives and experiences in the work, having a cup of tea, and just chatting with some friends around their experiences in constellations.
• 0:23
  Tracy: We'd love for you to join us.
• 0:25
  Tracy: I hope that you enjoy this series as much as I have loved making it.
• 0:33
  Tracy: Kiata everyone and welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:37
  Tracy: Today I have the pleasure of, um, chatting with Alejandra Pistorio and Devi from, um, well actually ladies, I'm gonna let you introduce yourself, invite you to share a little bit about who you are.
• 0:53
  Devi: Okay.
• 0:54
  Devi: Where you from?
• 0:55
  Devi: Okay.
• 0:56
  Devi: So I start if it is okay for you.
• 0:58
  Devi: Uh mm-hmm.
• 0:59
  Devi: We are.
• 1:03
  Devi: So my name is Hemen Hernandez.
• 1:05
  Devi: They call me Debbie.
• 1:07
  Devi: I am, uh, I live in Australia.
• 1:10
  Devi: Uh, like my country of foraging is Argentina and I have the pleasure to be here with you, Tracy, but also with.
• 1:19
  Devi: My friend, my teacher, my mentor, that is Alejandra Pictorial.
• 1:23
  Devi: So I feel really emotional about it because I'm really happy that Alejandra is going to come to this part of the world to share her knowledge.
• 1:33
  Devi: And so I, I feel really thankful for you, Tracy, to give you, to give us this opportunity.
• 1:43
  Devi: Uh, so Ali, if you want to introduce yourself, you understand?
• 1:46
  Devi: Yes.
• 1:47
  Devi: Yes.
• 1:47
  Devi: Good.
• 2:02
  Devi: Thank you very much.
• 2:03
  Devi: Tracy and Debbie and the family system have that we are ringing Ale Hannah to help her to be a little bit part of this part of the world.
• 2:13
  Devi: Also like the.
• 2:15
  Devi: Let's say they were like more oceanic part of the world.
• 2:20
  Tracy: Mm. Beautiful.
• 2:22
  Tracy: So for the listeners and the viewers today, um, Devi will be translating, uh, for Alejandra and, um, and, and Alejandra's voice is very soft.
• 2:34
  Tracy: So, um, hopefully you can hear her beautiful language coming through.
• 2:39
  Tracy: But Devy Devy will also translate it into English for us.
• 2:44
  Tracy: Uh.
• 2:45
  Tracy: Uh, the beautiful thing about being translated is it makes you mindful Mm. Around speaking and being clear.
• 2:52
  Tracy: And that's been my experience recently, so.
• 2:55
  Tracy: Mm. Um, yeah.
• 2:57
  Tracy: We'll see.
• 2:57
  Tracy: We'll see how this flows.
• 2:59
  Tracy: I'm sure it'll be fun
• 3:03
  Alejandra: RG.
• 3:06
  Alejandra: Australia.
• 3:20
  Devi: Hmm.
• 3:21
  Devi: So for people from Argentina, New Zealand, Australia are places that they are really attracted for us because of the cultural, um, experience that we can have.
• 3:34
  Devi: Like it's, uh, completely different of what we have there.
• 3:37
  Devi: So it's, she feels really happy to be able to connect with your culture.
• 3:44
  Tracy: Beautiful.
• 3:45
  Tracy: We're excited to, um, to have you come down to this part of the world.
• 3:49
  Devi: Mm-hmm.
• 3:51
  Tracy: Would, would you like to share a little bit about yourself and how you, how you met Family Constellations?
• 4:18
  Devi: The first thing that I would like to say about myself is like I'm someone resilient and in the, I could touch the darkness, the deep darkness, and I was able to go through that in part because of the family constellations.
• 4:40
  Devi: And on the other side, like I could come out from the darkness because of the Buddhism.
• 4:53
  Devi: So I met the family Constellations in 1999,
• 4:59
  Alejandra: Hellinger
• 5:00
  Devi: from Bert Hellinger.
• 5:05
  Devi: Ah, dearest master or teacher,
• 5:09
  Alejandra: not Tracy.
• 5:11
  Devi: You also met him.
• 5:12
  Devi: Tracy.
• 5:13
  Devi: No, no,
• 5:14
  Tracy: no,
• 5:15
  Alejandra: no.
• 5:16
  Tracy: Was, yeah.
• 5:18
  Tracy: No, not in person.
• 5:19
  Tracy: No,
• 5:20
  Devi: no,
• 5:21
  Alejandra: no.
• 5:21
  Alejandra: Not person.
• 5:27
  Devi: I, I develop my technique, like my experience from family constellations really close from him.
• 5:34
  Devi: Mm.
• 5:35
  Alejandra: Um,
• 5:41
  Devi: and for me it was like a revolution to met him.
• 5:45
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 5:47
  Alejandra: Um.
• 6:00
  Devi: Like my background is a, as a psychologist and for me to introduce the orders of love, not only in the, in my career, like in my practice, but also in my life was a revolution.
• 6:30
  Devi: So the most important thing, like it create a revolution in my life because of her personal experience that I'm going to clear, like it was when he put the input like in, in her life about the relationship between perpetrators and victims.
• 6:55
  Devi: I came from a really hard experience in my own country where, sorry.
• 7:03
  Devi: In my country there were, there was a period that was a lot of people that were, were disappeared because of the government and killed by the government.
• 7:16
  Devi: One of them was my partner at that time.
• 7:28
  Devi: So for many years I felt victim of that situation.
• 7:33
  Tracy: Yeah,
• 7:37
  Devi: I did a constellation with Bert Hellinger and I could see my perpetrator inside me.
• 7:51
  Devi: And for me was freedom.
• 7:55
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 8:06
  Devi: That touched my heart really deeply and clear up.
• 8:11
  Devi: Side, my seeing the future, how I saw the future afterwards.
• 8:16
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 8:16
  Tracy: Clears the pathway.
• 8:17
  Devi: Mm.
• 8:31
  Devi: By the time I could start like putting together or like see how they connect, the knowledge that I got from Inger and the knowledge that I got from Buddhism.
• 8:50
  Devi: And now I arrived to this, like, let's say synthesis is okay, like, um, I, I arrived to this concept that I work with, that it's, uh, cons.
• 9:02
  Devi: Family const, family constellations,
• 9:05
  Tracy: compassionate family cons, family
• 9:07
  Devi: constellations.
• 9:08
  Tracy: I think you, yes, syn, synthesis, yes, synthesis.
• 9:12
  Devi: That is what I wanted to say in proper English.
• 9:17
  Tracy: Beautiful.
• 9:18
  Tracy: How would you describe that to someone?
• 9:20
  Tracy: Compassionate constellations?
• 9:23
  Tracy: What does that look like?
• 9:25
  Alejandra: Wow.
• 9:28
  Tracy: In a little bit.
• 9:29
  Alejandra: Um,
• 9:38
  Devi: so the first thing is like as family constellation facilitators, we change a lot.
• 9:56
  Devi: It requires that the facilitator can like connect with the mind, the heart, and also the guts, the intuitions that we got in the guts that needs to have a balance.
• 10:19
  Devi: And that balance needs to be able to be stable during the whole work.
• 10:35
  Devi: The body of the consultant and the ones that are representing are the compass.
• 10:44
  Tracy: Yeah, the compass.
• 10:45
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 10:53
  Devi: And the way we listen to the con, the person that is coming with a propo, an intention needs to be a con, passive way of listening, uh, least a way of listening with compassion.
• 11:12
  Alejandra: Mm.
• 11:20
  Devi: We need to embrace the person without allowing this person to ha to be connected with fear.
• 11:41
  Devi: So the first part of the work is to create a field where this person can feel safe.
• 11:55
  Devi: So, and we feel safe when there's someone on the other side listening and looking at us in a compass way, honest and with, with courage.
• 12:29
  Devi: So, although I learned from Inger to prioritize the order over the love here, love is like in the first place,
• 12:44
  Alejandra: in the first place.
• 12:54
  Devi: Although I learned from Beringer that first is the order and then the love here.
• 12:59
  Devi: Love is really present, present.
• 13:14
  Devi: When I learned from Inger, brought theor to the psychotherapist was a lot like it was a revolution that Inger brought to us.
• 13:33
  Devi: But with the time, like the constellations, because we repeat what Beringer taught, start being really like, like structure for the facilitators.
• 13:46
  Devi: So the, the facilitators start being really rigid
• 13:52
  Alejandra: cons.
• 14:01
  Devi: So with the fam, the capacitive family constellations, we bring the consultant with the fears, with the doubts, with the all the, all, all their parts.
• 14:16
  Devi: Yes.
• 14:16
  Devi: The resistance.
• 14:17
  Devi: Mm-hmm.
• 14:19
  Alejandra: Uh,
• 14:25
  Devi: for example, they don't have to bring a clear intention.
• 14:31
  Alejandra: Okay.
• 14:39
  Devi: Sometimes bringing a clear intention creates in the other, in the person, in the being, like a lot of, uh, fear or struggling.
• 14:49
  Devi: I don't know if I'm doing this well, if I'm doing it wrong.
• 15:01
  Devi: So the idea is we like connect with the person and ask him what is making them suffering and what does they need.
• 15:16
  Devi: What do they need?
• 15:17
  Devi: Is the compass
• 15:21
  Alejandra: important?
• 15:26
  Devi: And it's really important that they can like identify what they want from what they need.
• 15:34
  Devi: The difference between these two.
• 15:42
  Devi: Many times we want something that damage us, and other times what we really need, we avoid it or we push it away.
• 15:58
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 15:58
  Tracy: Mm-hmm.
• 16:21
  Devi: So with the compassionate constellations, what we uh, allow is the person to be in contact to say what they need to say, to be in contact with the body and to express what it needs to be expressed.
• 16:43
  Devi: But the, for truth from the Buddhism mm-hmm.
• 16:47
  Devi: Uh, are really present during the constellations.
• 16:51
  Tracy: Nice.
• 17:02
  Devi: The first truth speak about the existence.
• 17:07
  Devi: The existence of the suffering, and a lot of the suffering that we experienced, transgenerational like came back because we cannot recognize it from the first time.
• 17:37
  Devi: Because what It make us suffer.
• 17:39
  Devi: We exclude it from the family system.
• 17:43
  Tracy: From the pain?
• 17:44
  Devi: Yes.
• 17:45
  Devi: I think it got pause for a little bit.
• 17:57
  Devi: So the first, the first step in the family, in the family constellation is like the constellation, like brought to his heart what the other one ex is excluding.
• 18:12
  Devi: That suffer that.
• 18:13
  Devi: The other one is excluding and take ly and, hold on.
• 18:26
  Devi: Hold the other one in a Compass way.
• 18:29
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 18:29
  Tracy: Or
• 18:30
  Devi: embrace the other.
• 18:43
  Devi: To recognize that exist are first suffer, that create the symptom or the trauma that now they are experiencing.
• 19:05
  Devi: If we can take the, the suffer this trauma as the campus, again, like there is no good or bad, there's no perpetrators and victims.
• 19:20
  Devi: Mm. Yeah.
• 19:23
  Devi: Can, can I say something?
• 19:25
  Devi: A, is it okay?
• 19:29
  Devi: I don't know if it is proper for you, Tracy, but I remember I was witness of a constellation that like we, in the, uh, it was really clear that, that this difference between what we need.
• 19:43
  Devi: And what we want and was a constellation that Ali facilitate with a practitioner of that is a meditative technique that comes from Buddhism.
• 19:58
  Devi: And Ali also teach that.
• 20:02
  Devi: And she was like, uh, going through a death.
• 20:07
  Devi: Um.
• 20:09
  Devi: Sickness, like, um, a cancer, and she wanted to do a family constellation with Ali in the process of death.
• 20:18
  Devi: And when Ali ask her, eh, what do you need?
• 20:22
  Devi: The first thing she says is, I don't want to die.
• 20:26
  Devi: And then Ali look at her and she says like, no, that that is something that you want right now, but what do you need?
• 20:36
  Devi: And in that moment.
• 20:39
  Devi: All her faith and everything like clears out and she says, no, I need to accept.
• 20:47
  Devi: No.
• 20:47
  Devi: I need peace.
• 20:49
  Devi: I
• 20:50
  Tracy: need peace.
• 20:50
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 20:51
  Devi: And all the Constellation was about that.
• 20:53
  Devi: Mm, and it was a complete different thing.
• 20:59
  Devi: The constellation changed and it's some, it's a constellation that maybe happened two years ago, but it's still fresh in me because of all the healing that brought also in my life that I'm understanding.
• 21:12
  Tracy: Yeah, there's such a difference between what we want and what we need.
• 21:17
  Devi: And who wants?
• 21:19
  Devi: No.
• 21:19
  Devi: I think between the three of us, we gonna understand this.
• 21:22
  Devi: It looks like the wanting is more from the ego and what we need.
• 21:28
  Devi: It's bigger, it's other parts of our being that understand what we really need.
• 21:34
  Tracy: Hmm.
• 21:35
  Tracy: It's making
• 21:35
  Alejandra: me think.
• 21:45
  Devi: Many times because the ego like puts in the status, start being in the front.
• 21:50
  Devi: The real truth cannot, cannot emerge.
• 21:53
  Devi: Sorry Tracy, that we interrupt?
• 21:56
  Tracy: That's okay.
• 21:57
  Tracy: I was just thinking, um, to reframe.
• 22:00
  Tracy: 'cause I sometimes say, what would you like from this constellation?
• 22:04
  Tracy: Mm. So to reframe.
• 22:06
  Tracy: What is it that you need from this constellation?
• 22:08
  Devi: Mm-hmm.
• 22:16
  Devi: And maybe all the work from a person is to realize, to establish that, that difference.
• 22:22
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 22:24
  Tracy: Beautiful, beautiful.
• 22:27
  Tracy: So you are bringing this to Australia in January, February.
• 22:33
  Tracy: February.
• 22:34
  Devi: So if, if you want, I can explain a little bit.
• 22:37
  Devi: Ella is going to be doing two different things.
• 22:40
  Devi: The main, uh, she's going to be in Sydney, um, in the 1st of February doing a family, uh, compassionate Family Constellation workshop.
• 22:53
  Devi: Open to everyone to receive this technique.
• 22:56
  Devi: And then in Melbourne, the eighth and the 9th of February, where she's going to teach this technique to professionals.
• 23:05
  Devi: So she's going to be doing the two things and she's going to visit New Zealand, but just for joy.
• 23:13
  Devi: So, uh, maybe you can meet.
• 23:16
  Tracy: Yes, that would be amazing if to, to get to meet you in person as well.
• 23:21
  Tracy: Mm-hmm.
• 23:22
  Tracy: So for someone who wanted to come along to your event, how would they contact you?
• 23:29
  Devi: So, yes, I hope many people can feel benefit for this technique.
• 23:33
  Devi: I, I, I, I feel, uh, yes, really it's really, it changed my life.
• 23:39
  Devi: So I hope everyone can receive a bit of this seed and can propagated.
• 23:45
  Devi: With our work.
• 23:47
  Devi: Um, so they need to write to the family system hub.
• 23:50
  Devi: Uh, we are sharing all the information from there, and Helen and I, we are receiving all the people and helping them to be in our workshops.
• 24:02
  Tracy: Amazing.
• 24:02
  Tracy: And we'll put those, um, those links in the, in the thread below as well.
• 24:10
  Devi: Okay.
• 24:10
  Devi: That
• 24:10
  Tracy: should be great.
• 24:11
  Devi: Thank you very much, Tracy.
• 24:13
  Tracy: That's all right.
• 24:14
  Tracy: What, what, is there anything else you would like to share?
• 24:37
  Devi: Mm-hmm.
• 24:54
  Alejandra: Yes.
• 24:55
  Devi: So I feel right now I feel really blessed and and grateful to be able to go through to New Zealand and know more about your culture and the strength that you got.
• 25:07
  Devi: I feel very inspired by that and also the possibility that Australia is giving me that I can share some of my knowledge that I developed for 28 years and can share with the people all what I know.
• 25:21
  Alejandra: Hmm.
• 25:38
  Devi: And, and I feel really happy.
• 25:41
  Devi: That is also there meeting people like you, Tracy, that you all got like this, um.
• 25:49
  Devi: It is humble and also the, the goal that you want, that the family constellations and this tool growth.
• 25:59
  Devi: Mm, the commitment.
• 26:00
  Devi: Yes.
• 26:00
  Devi: Yes.
• 26:03
  Tracy: It's beautiful.
• 26:04
  Tracy: We're all doing amazing work in the world, and I think mm-hmm.
• 26:07
  Tracy: Uh, the more we can share with each, for each other and with each other, beautiful.
• 26:13
  Tracy: It's, for me, it's not just, it's not just about me.
• 26:17
  Tracy: My business.
• 26:17
  Tracy: Blah, blah, blah.
• 26:19
  Tracy: It's sheer to the community.
• 26:21
  Devi: Mm.
• 26:30
  Devi: I think that is the mission of the family constellation, to take a little bit more of light to the world.
• 26:37
  Devi: Mm.
• 26:39
  Tracy: Beautiful.
• 26:41
  Tracy: Well, thank you ladies.
• 26:42
  Tracy: I think we'll leave it there.
• 26:43
  Tracy: We'll keep it so that, uh, for those listening, the links will be, uh, below and reach out to Devy at the Family Conservation Hub.
• 26:54
  Devi: Family Systems Hub,
• 26:55
  Tracy: sorry, family Systems Hub or myself, and I can put you in touch with DV as well.
• 27:01
  Tracy: Perfect.
• 27:02
  Tracy: So blessings, ladies.
• 27:04
  Tracy: Thank you so much.
• 27:06
  Devi: Thank you.
• 27:06
  Devi: Thank you very much.
• 27:07
  Devi: Enjoy Tracy.
• 27:10
  Tracy: Thank you for listening.
• 27:12
  Tracy: Head over to Instagram and tell me what's resonated for you with this episode.
• 27:17
  Tracy: You'll find me at Tracy dot Cartwright.
• 27:20
  Tracy: That's Tracy with no e dot Cartwright and the or head over to my website, Tracy cartwright.co.nz and receive a free audio with the gift from your ancestors.
• 27:33
  Tracy: So until next time, be kind to yourself and have fun doing it.