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The Son of A Tiger with Roberto Diaz · The Trauma Therapist

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Dips podcast. My name is Ga Macpherson.
0:04
Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who dedicated their lives to helping
0:07
Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. Here we go, so
0:12
Speaker 1: five four, three, two and one, our folks, welcome back
0:16
Speaker 1: to the podcast. Very excited to hap as my guests today.
0:19
Speaker 1: Roberto Diaz Herrera, Roberto, welcome.
0:22
Speaker 2: Thank you, doctor. Directorson how are you doing today?
0:25
Speaker 1: All right, I'm doing good. Roberto Junior was born into
0:29
Speaker 1: the rigid confines of macho Latin American culture, where strength,
0:33
Speaker 1: sex and violence with the defining traits of manhood. Raised
0:36
Speaker 1: in Panama under the shadow of his father, General Roberto
0:40
Speaker 1: Diaz Herrera, the former chief of staff and close ally
0:43
Speaker 1: to Dictator Manuel Noriega, he was expected to embide it
0:47
Speaker 1: the same ideals of dominance and aggression in a world
0:50
Speaker 1: where compassion and vulnerability were seen as weakness. He was constant,
0:54
Speaker 1: constantly reminded, you are the son of a tiger. For him,
0:59
Speaker 1: Noriega just political political figure. He was Uncle Tony. Today
1:04
Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about Roberto's book Son of
1:06
Speaker 1: a Tiger coming out. Roberto, welcome to the podcast.
1:12
Speaker 2: Thank you, doctor. Macpherson.
1:14
Speaker 1: You can call me guy.
1:15
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you guy.
1:16
Speaker 1: This guy is fine. So before we get going, share
1:19
Speaker 1: with the listeners where you're from originally and where you
1:22
Speaker 1: are currently.
1:23
Speaker 2: Yes, so I was born in Panama and and and
1:28
Speaker 2: like you said, I was, I was born under these
1:33
Speaker 2: inside a military family. Now, just I wanted to do
1:37
Speaker 2: a quick correction. My father was not didn't get the
1:40
Speaker 2: rank of general. He was a colonel. But unlike the US,
1:46
Speaker 2: where there I don't even know, you know, they could
1:51
Speaker 2: be or Canada. I don't know how Canada is is is,
1:54
Speaker 2: But in North America you tend to have a lot
1:57
Speaker 2: of generals. In Panama, there was only one, and that
2:02
Speaker 2: was Uncle Tony. Uncle TONI was the only and so
2:07
Speaker 2: below him were about eight colonels and one of them
2:13
Speaker 2: is the chief of staff for his number two.
2:16
Speaker 1: And that was okay, all right, thank you for that clarification.
2:22
Speaker 2: And I'm in Panama. I'm back in Panama because I
2:26
Speaker 2: left at a young age. I left about twelve and
2:32
Speaker 2: traveled with my mom to the United States, and then
2:36
Speaker 2: I lived in different countries like Venezuela, Spain, Sweden, and
2:43
Speaker 2: inside the US, I lived in several different states, Louisiana
2:49
Speaker 2: mostly at first, then Georgia, then Tennessee, and then I
2:54
Speaker 2: went to Hawaii. And that's a big part of what
2:58
Speaker 2: I want to share with that decision that I that
3:01
Speaker 2: I did to go to Hawaii and then I went
3:03
Speaker 2: to California, and that was the trip to Hawaii was
3:09
Speaker 2: the beginning of my healing process.
3:14
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's we're gonna be talking about the book.
3:18
Speaker 1: The book is called Son of a Tiger. It is
3:20
Speaker 1: coming out and we'll have information about that later on.
3:28
Speaker 1: So talk a little bit about what growing up within
3:35
Speaker 1: this context was like for you. And I said a
3:37
Speaker 1: little bit about it in the bio. Was violent. I mean,
3:41
Speaker 1: I I can't imagine, but share with our listeners what
3:45
Speaker 1: it was like.
3:47
Speaker 2: Okay, So you know that one of the references that
3:53
Speaker 2: I've heard from several people as as we've gone in
3:56
Speaker 2: the you know, process of creating this book, which I'm
4:01
Speaker 2: creating with a team of people, is it is they
4:08
Speaker 2: mentioned like, oh my god, this is like a mafia family.
4:11
Speaker 2: Like you know, you've seen the Mafia movies, you know
4:13
Speaker 2: all of them, and they're so tight knit and then
4:18
Speaker 2: something happens and they're like, oh, he's got to go.
4:22
Speaker 2: That was what it felt like because we were a
4:27
Speaker 2: it was a military family. I grew up with bodyguards,
4:32
Speaker 2: and I say plural, like in my dad's house there
4:36
Speaker 2: was fifteen bodyguards and maybe three guards. So the fifteen
4:44
Speaker 2: bodyguards wore planes closed and the three guards were in
4:49
Speaker 2: military with machine guns. All the bodyguards carried either hand
4:54
Speaker 2: you know, handguns or you know, if they carried a
4:57
Speaker 2: mini Uzi or something like that. They they had it
5:01
Speaker 2: in like a you know, covered so but the other
5:04
Speaker 2: guys were military. So it was like we got threats,
5:08
Speaker 2: you know, on our lives because the it was a
5:14
Speaker 2: dictatorship and people were against the dictatorship, and so it
5:19
Speaker 2: was not unusual to have threats. And so how this
5:26
Speaker 2: developed was into this, you know, my father, the whole
5:29
Speaker 2: thing with Son of a Tiger, which to this day,
5:33
Speaker 2: I still don't know whether the our publisher will will
5:37
Speaker 2: adopt the name or they might tweak it a little bit,
5:40
Speaker 2: but that's the working title. Let's call it that. And
5:42
Speaker 2: son of a Tiger is because it's a saying that
5:47
Speaker 2: we have in Latin America, and that is like son
5:51
Speaker 2: of a tiger is born with stripes. It's what they
5:54
Speaker 2: say in Spanish equal and the you know, it's basically,
6:01
Speaker 2: if you're son of a tiger, you're going to have stripes,
6:03
Speaker 2: You're going to be like your dad. It's it's the
6:06
Speaker 2: apple doesn't fall far from the tree analogy. And and
6:11
Speaker 2: my dad was, you know, also a victim of trauma,
6:19
Speaker 2: and he perpetuated it into me, not because he was
6:24
Speaker 2: a bad dad, or it's what he thought he was
6:27
Speaker 2: doing the right thing. And so our story is so intertwined, guy,
6:35
Speaker 2: that I feel like when I was born, it's a
6:39
Speaker 2: perfect example of how our life was going to pan
6:43
Speaker 2: out between the two of us. The day I was born,
6:45
Speaker 2: nineteen seventy one, the fifth of August, my father's on
6:50
Speaker 2: a military mission, and you know, my mom's you know,
6:54
Speaker 2: my mom was nine months pregnant with me. And he's
6:57
Speaker 2: on a military mission and his and he is in
7:00
Speaker 2: a helicopter and the helicopter crashes and is a total loss,
7:07
Speaker 2: and he walks out of this helicopter and two hours like, no,
7:12
Speaker 2: four hours later, five hours later, I'm born. Like we
7:16
Speaker 2: literally almost were ships, you know, passing in the night,
7:19
Speaker 2: like we almost didn't meet each other, and our lives
7:22
Speaker 2: had been a complete battle with these these these traumas
7:31
Speaker 2: that he wanted to to in his own way. He
7:36
Speaker 2: felt making me an alpha male, macho tough you know,
7:41
Speaker 2: hit first, ask question second, Yeah, was the best way
7:46
Speaker 2: to raise me.
7:48
Speaker 1: No, let me let me pause you for a second, Roberto.
7:51
Speaker 1: So when you were what, when did you start realizing
7:58
Speaker 1: holy crap, the this is what's going on in my family.
8:02
Speaker 1: When you were what ten eleven, twelve, thirteen.
8:04
Speaker 2: Fourteen, excellent question, guy. You know, it all seemed pretty normal,
8:15
Speaker 2: and I would say the you know, like we grew
8:22
Speaker 2: up with it, so it felt normal. But the key
8:26
Speaker 2: moment when I knew, okay, something is way off is
8:31
Speaker 2: the moment when my dad and Uncle Tony went head
8:36
Speaker 2: to head. So they had been having competition and you know,
8:42
Speaker 2: like this little rivalry, but when Uncle Tony ascended to general,
8:47
Speaker 2: then he became his direct boss, and you know, the
8:53
Speaker 2: relationship changed because they went up in the ranks over
8:56
Speaker 2: a period of like twenty years working side by side.
9:00
Speaker 2: But once he elevated to the rank of general, then
9:04
Speaker 2: my father had to take a step back, and so
9:07
Speaker 2: they went head to head over several things. And we
9:13
Speaker 2: don't have enough time in the podcast for me to
9:15
Speaker 2: tell you all about it. Let's just say they went
9:18
Speaker 2: head to head, and my father then became a whistleblower.
9:24
Speaker 2: And everybody in Panama knew already.
9:28
Speaker 3: That Uncle Tony was dealing with the Colombian cartel, that
9:34
Speaker 3: he had ordered assassinations, that he had rigged the elections.
9:40
Speaker 2: And all these things, and my father was the everybody
9:44
Speaker 2: knew it, but nobody had said it within the government.
9:48
Speaker 2: And so when my dad, being number two, came out
9:51
Speaker 2: in public and said it, it was that moment of
9:54
Speaker 2: like that mafia family when like, oh, he's talking to
9:57
Speaker 2: the Feds, you know, like oh, And so when he
10:02
Speaker 2: went public, Uncle Tony was like, oh, no, he's got
10:05
Speaker 2: to go. And on the twenty seventh of July. So
10:09
Speaker 2: to answer your question, I'll give you a very specific date.
10:13
Speaker 2: Twenty seventh of July of nineteen eighty seven, Uncle Tony
10:19
Speaker 2: sends armed troops to our house to capture my father,
10:24
Speaker 2: and we had helicopters flying over our house with fifty
10:31
Speaker 2: millimeters caliber guns on the side, shooting at a rooftop
10:37
Speaker 2: and the tear gas being thrown inside our home for
10:43
Speaker 2: us to be smoked out. And I mean that right there.
10:48
Speaker 2: It was the how old were you at that time,
10:52
Speaker 2: I'm fifteen years old and I'm also my dad's bodyguard.
10:58
Speaker 2: You know, at that time, he's not training me like
11:01
Speaker 2: a kid. I am a soldier and I am carrying
11:07
Speaker 2: weapons and guarding him when he's sleeping like he you know,
11:11
Speaker 2: he came to me and told me, you know, son,
11:13
Speaker 2: I don't trust anybody. Anybody could try to kill me.
11:16
Speaker 2: I need you and your brother to sleep on the
11:19
Speaker 2: door and nobody gets through, like you know, like you
11:22
Speaker 2: guys are and bolt of Us had weapons and so
11:25
Speaker 2: it was like that kind of environment. And when they
11:28
Speaker 2: came in, they came in with anti uh you know,
11:33
Speaker 2: you know, elite Israeli trained troops, all wearing gas, you know,
11:38
Speaker 2: black gas. Mad like they came in shooting. So we're
11:42
Speaker 2: in a room, okay, all our family and some bodyguards
11:47
Speaker 2: and the people that were left in the house. Everybody's
11:50
Speaker 2: in this one room. We're packed in there, and they
11:54
Speaker 2: start shooting. And I see as they're shooting, this is
11:58
Speaker 2: like maybe sick in the morning, and the sun's just
12:02
Speaker 2: coming out, and as the bullets are hitting the door
12:04
Speaker 2: and the and and and you know, the projectiles are
12:09
Speaker 2: going just a few feet above our heads as we're
12:12
Speaker 2: laying on the ground. I see the holes and the
12:16
Speaker 2: sunlight starting to come in through each hole, and the
12:20
Speaker 2: wood like just dristling, like if it was snow out.
12:25
Speaker 2: And I'm looking at this and I'm going I'll never
12:28
Speaker 2: see this again. And and and I'm like, oh my god,
12:31
Speaker 2: they're gonna come in and just mow us down like
12:34
Speaker 2: we you know, I just in my mind I imagine
12:37
Speaker 2: they're just coming spraying us all. And like I'm I'm
12:41
Speaker 2: so like, oh my god, this is said, this is it.
12:43
Speaker 2: My brother's hugging me and he's like, I can't believe
12:45
Speaker 2: we're gonna die like this. And the bullets are flying.
12:50
Speaker 2: And I'll tell you, guys, as scary as that was,
12:54
Speaker 2: it didn't even compare to what happened a minute later,
13:00
Speaker 2: because we get pulled out and for some reason, I
13:04
Speaker 2: don't know, divine intervention, the universe, whatever you want to
13:08
Speaker 2: call it. They didn't kill us, but they I mean,
13:13
Speaker 2: it could have been easily all of us dead. If
13:15
Speaker 2: anybody would have been closed the door, they would have
13:18
Speaker 2: been blown away. And they came in and they pull
13:22
Speaker 2: us out. Maybe it was because we had women there.
13:26
Speaker 2: My little brother was five years old and I had
13:31
Speaker 2: other younger siblings, but the youngest was five. And as
13:35
Speaker 2: they pull us out of the home and pushes and
13:41
Speaker 2: you know, are pushing us down outside of the house,
13:47
Speaker 2: someone says, that's junior, that's Roberto ds Junior. He's supposed
13:54
Speaker 2: to be some tough kid. Let's see how tough he is.
13:58
Speaker 2: And they start beating me with the backs of the
14:01
Speaker 2: guns between I don't know, four six, seven, I don't know,
14:04
Speaker 2: kicking me, beating me, and at that moment, I thought
14:08
Speaker 2: they were going to beat me to death, and that
14:13
Speaker 2: is way scarier than being shot, right, And I just
14:17
Speaker 2: I just thought like, oh my god, you know. And
14:19
Speaker 2: I'm like holding on, curling up and just taking the
14:22
Speaker 2: blows and I'm like and I just start crying and
14:25
Speaker 2: yelling for my dad. And at that moment, my dad
14:30
Speaker 2: speaks up and says, hey, who is in charge here?
14:33
Speaker 2: And somebody says I am, and he's like, well, take
14:36
Speaker 2: control of the situation, and they and then he's and
14:40
Speaker 2: then he gets them to stop.
14:41
Speaker 1: So, you know, so they didn't they didn't get your dad. Well,
14:47
Speaker 1: my dad was.
14:48
Speaker 2: Being slapped around, but for some reason they they took
14:54
Speaker 2: it on me, you know, maybe because you know as
14:57
Speaker 2: a father, now I can tell you I will take
15:01
Speaker 2: a beating for my son any day, you know what
15:03
Speaker 2: I mean, Like it's even worse or more of a torture,
15:06
Speaker 2: you know, to see your son getting beaten than of
15:09
Speaker 2: course you know, yeah, wow, damn yeah, dude.
15:19
Speaker 1: I mean there's no words for that.
15:24
Speaker 4: So okay, how at what point did you there's a
15:32
Speaker 4: lot obviously there's a lot of a gon here. There's
15:34
Speaker 4: this intense culture.
15:37
Speaker 1: How did you get to a point where you decided
15:42
Speaker 1: to write this book? And in order to do that? Roberto,
15:46
Speaker 1: where did you have to remove yourself? I mean, as
15:49
Speaker 1: you grew up, did you were you able to remove
15:51
Speaker 1: yourself from this culture?
15:56
Speaker 2: Guy? That's that's that's again. Really I want to anowledge.
16:00
Speaker 2: You're asking amazing questions.
16:03
Speaker 1: This is why I get paid the big bucks.
16:05
Speaker 2: You know, this is it's truly, it's it was you
16:14
Speaker 2: know at that moment after that happens, I get so
16:19
Speaker 2: full of anger, guy, Like you know, so full of
16:23
Speaker 2: anger that things that came out of my mind were
16:28
Speaker 2: in my mouth were pure poison. You know. I you know,
16:33
Speaker 2: I I wanted to kill Uncle Tony, you know, and
16:39
Speaker 2: I vowed that I would kill him someday and and uh,
16:44
Speaker 2: and if I couldn't kill him because I couldn't get
16:46
Speaker 2: to him, I would kill his daughters or I would
16:48
Speaker 2: kill his grandkids. I mean I had said I was
16:50
Speaker 2: sixteen and just full of anger, because actually I was fifteen.
16:55
Speaker 2: And by the time this happened and I got we
16:57
Speaker 2: got sent away to.
16:59
Speaker 1: This like baby.
17:00
Speaker 2: It was right around I turned sixteen, a few days after,
17:04
Speaker 2: and all of this just came in and I got
17:07
Speaker 2: so extremely poisoned with this anger over what happened that
17:15
Speaker 2: you know, part of the things that I'm going to
17:18
Speaker 2: talk about that are very I think it might be
17:22
Speaker 2: difficult for some people to read, but I really want
17:25
Speaker 2: to have the reader see where that darkness took me,
17:30
Speaker 2: that anger. You know, I beat her up a sixteen
17:35
Speaker 2: year old. I beat up my girlfriend at sixteen. I
17:39
Speaker 2: hit her, not just hate her. I punched her in
17:42
Speaker 2: the face. And obviously I'm like, so sorry I ever
17:50
Speaker 2: did that. And I can't even like, I wish I
17:52
Speaker 2: could talk to that kid now, But he was just
17:57
Speaker 2: pure hatred and anger. Because this although as big as
18:03
Speaker 2: this event is, guy, it's nothing compared to how I
18:10
Speaker 2: had felt before. And and it's it's it's why I've
18:15
Speaker 2: been diagnosed with complex PTSD because this was just one
18:19
Speaker 2: of the things that I dealt with in my life.
18:23
Speaker 2: And and you know, if we start talking about the
18:26
Speaker 2: sexual trauma in itself, like that's that's a whole other thing,
18:30
Speaker 2: that that that even goes beyond the violence, like the
18:34
Speaker 2: violence was ones thing. Then there's the sexual trauma and
18:39
Speaker 2: and you know, all of this put together just made
18:43
Speaker 2: this very angry team that that like punched in the
18:50
Speaker 2: face his girlfriend. But at that at that moment, it
18:57
Speaker 2: was like it was I was out of my body.
19:00
Speaker 2: It wasn't even me. It was like this this anger
19:04
Speaker 2: just over me that closed my eyes like a like
19:08
Speaker 2: a shark in a in a in a in a frenzy,
19:10
Speaker 2: like my eyes going back and I just not there.
19:16
Speaker 2: And to pull away from that took many years. And
19:20
Speaker 2: it was what I said at the beginning, guy that
19:23
Speaker 2: the trip to Hawaii became my healing. And I really
19:28
Speaker 2: think it's a it's an important thing that I want
19:31
Speaker 2: to share to the readers and to and to your
19:34
Speaker 2: to your listeners and this podcast is that at the
19:38
Speaker 2: darkest moment of my life, when I just couldn't, I
19:46
Speaker 2: didn't think I could live anymore. I was drinking heavily
19:50
Speaker 2: to sleep every night I had. What was in my
19:58
Speaker 2: mind was I wanted to murder my father and I
20:04
Speaker 2: hated him for everything had put me and my sisters
20:08
Speaker 2: and my siblings through, and I wanted to I literally
20:11
Speaker 2: plan to murder him. And I was constantly thinking, like
20:15
Speaker 2: how do I do it and not get away? Or
20:17
Speaker 2: do I just need to kill him and just let
20:19
Speaker 2: the police shoot me? Like I was at that darkness,
20:23
Speaker 2: at that level of the bottom.
20:26
Speaker 1: How old were you at that time?
20:29
Speaker 2: I was about twenty four, okay, And and you know again,
20:38
Speaker 2: I feel it was divine intervention. A college roommate calls
20:43
Speaker 2: me and he's like, Roberto, I just moved to MAUI
20:48
Speaker 2: I paid a year in advance on my rent. I
20:51
Speaker 2: have two bedrooms on a beach. I know that your goal,
20:55
Speaker 2: one of your goals in life has been to learn
20:57
Speaker 2: how to serve. Why don't you come stay with me?
21:01
Speaker 2: And I was so afraid because I thought I needed
21:06
Speaker 2: to focus on my career and do this. I had
21:09
Speaker 2: graduated university and I was like, you know, I'm supposed
21:12
Speaker 2: to do all these things that I'm supposed to do
21:16
Speaker 2: and my heart was telling me, are you kidding me?
21:20
Speaker 2: Hawaii surfing, and I took that decision to move to
21:26
Speaker 2: Hawaii that now twenty almost almost thirty years later, I'm like,
21:34
Speaker 2: it was the thing that saved my life. It was
21:39
Speaker 2: so what I love to share with the people that
21:42
Speaker 2: are listening to you in your podcast, that are ever
21:47
Speaker 2: in a place where they get to that point where
21:51
Speaker 2: they don't know that they want to continue living. Follow
21:55
Speaker 2: your heart. Your heart will tell you where to go, guy,
22:01
Speaker 2: It will guide you if you can listen to it.
22:04
Speaker 2: And my mind was telling me, no, you gotta do this.
22:07
Speaker 2: You gotta work, You're gonna make money, you gotta do this,
22:10
Speaker 2: and my heart was telling me, just go and beat
22:15
Speaker 2: and surf. And I did that and it brought me.
22:20
Speaker 2: The surfing brought me to the pressent because everything else
22:26
Speaker 2: I either lived in the past or the future.
22:34
Speaker 1: Roberto, I just want to say something as you're talking,
22:38
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if I've ever done an
22:42
Speaker 1: interview like this. I mean, there's so much about you,
22:49
Speaker 1: and there's so much about your story obviously that is
22:54
Speaker 1: simultaneously quite scary but yet tragic and traumatic. And to
23:03
Speaker 1: hear you speak about moving through these different experiences and
23:09
Speaker 1: then kind of like what you experienced in that move
23:15
Speaker 1: toward to Hawaii was really inspiring in a sense. You know,
23:25
Speaker 1: I'm curious as we kind of wind down here and again,
23:31
Speaker 1: I just want to remind everyone I'm speaking with Roberto Herrera.
23:34
Speaker 1: His forthcoming book is called Son of a Tiger, that's
23:37
Speaker 1: the working title. But as you sit here now, do
23:45
Speaker 1: you feel you're on a path of healing continually? Do
23:52
Speaker 1: you feel like you've gotten over the edge a bit
23:55
Speaker 1: where I'm sure writing the book has served as part of.
23:59
Speaker 2: That excellent question again, guy, So it's it's so I've
24:09
Speaker 2: been in therapy for so many years, probably twenty some years,
24:17
Speaker 2: off and on different therapists as I moved, and every
24:22
Speaker 2: single one of them, when they started to hear these stories,
24:25
Speaker 2: all of them agree, they're like, you gotta do a
24:28
Speaker 2: book like this is not a usual trauma story. And
24:35
Speaker 2: so it's it's you know, it's why I'm doing it.
24:41
Speaker 2: It's because, guy, if there's something I want to do,
24:44
Speaker 2: it it's for my family, for the healing inside my family.
24:49
Speaker 2: Because I'm sure you've heard this quite a bit. When
24:52
Speaker 2: there's trauma inside families, nobody wants to talk about it.
24:57
Speaker 2: They don't want to bring it in the open. And
25:00
Speaker 2: this has been like the other title that I thought
25:02
Speaker 2: about for this for this book was, uh, don't say anything,
25:09
Speaker 2: because that was what I was told all the time.
25:13
Speaker 2: Don't talk about that, don't say anything, just keep disquiet,
25:15
Speaker 2: don't All of it was this this secrecy. And what
25:20
Speaker 2: I've gotten is through all the different tools that I've
25:28
Speaker 2: used to be able to transform that Roberto, that violent, womanizing,
25:38
Speaker 2: sexual addict, alcoholic, you know, that consumed large amounts of cocaine,
25:47
Speaker 2: all of that to a man who now you know,
25:54
Speaker 2: doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. It's trying to vegan
25:57
Speaker 2: diet for a couple of years now because I don't
26:00
Speaker 2: want to harm another living being, and you know, meditate
26:06
Speaker 2: daily and practice yoga and do all these things. I
26:13
Speaker 2: just want to help people that were at that same
26:16
Speaker 2: place there I was and uh, and and have them
26:23
Speaker 2: know that they can make it through. If I made
26:26
Speaker 2: it through, you can make it through as well.
26:34
Speaker 1: Are you currently married?
26:38
Speaker 2: I am the kids, yes, I have two kids, And
26:42
Speaker 2: thank you for bringing that up, because it is it
26:46
Speaker 2: is a big part of why I do what I
26:47
Speaker 2: want to do too, is because you know, I'm very
26:51
Speaker 2: aware of my mortality. I don't know how long I'll
26:55
Speaker 2: be here and my kids will be I hope and
26:59
Speaker 2: trust and pray that they will be here long after
27:02
Speaker 2: I'm gone, and I don't want these stories to die
27:07
Speaker 2: with me, and not just for my children. But I'm
27:12
Speaker 2: sure you know, like trauma goes generationally, and you know
27:18
Speaker 2: if you had some great people in your podcast talk
27:21
Speaker 2: about the generational trauma that sometimes people don't even see
27:27
Speaker 2: it and then it gets to next generations. And so
27:30
Speaker 2: I want to bring it all out in the open
27:33
Speaker 2: so that these traumas don't affect not only just my
27:37
Speaker 2: children or my grandchildren, but my nephews, my nieces in
27:42
Speaker 2: their children, because it's all rooted in this family history
27:47
Speaker 2: that nobody wants to speak about. And so I want
27:52
Speaker 2: to bring it all to light and to also encourage
27:56
Speaker 2: others to speak up about their own traumas because for
28:01
Speaker 2: the longest time, you know, I, you know I, Well,
28:06
Speaker 2: let me put it this way. I spoke to you
28:09
Speaker 2: about my five year old brother at the time when
28:12
Speaker 2: this happened. I for many years told him, let's let's
28:18
Speaker 2: let's do this together, Let's go to this course, let's
28:21
Speaker 2: let's take this, you know, let's do this self awareness
28:27
Speaker 2: week at this place or whatever it was. And he's
28:30
Speaker 2: just like, oh man, that thing didn't affect me. It
28:33
Speaker 2: just and he was in this deep denial that that
28:37
Speaker 2: strong of an incident had any effect in his life.
28:41
Speaker 2: He is currently in prison for being violent. And it
28:48
Speaker 2: is exactly what I don't want to continue in our lineage,
28:54
Speaker 2: in our lives. And if we just keep it quiet,
28:58
Speaker 2: this is what will happen.
29:00
Speaker 1: And like, are you concerned? Is there any repercussions that
29:08
Speaker 1: could possibly happen to you because of writing this book
29:11
Speaker 1: from your family or with the family?
29:15
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Guy. It is the thing that scares me the
29:21
Speaker 2: most is, you know, my intention is to bring healing,
29:28
Speaker 2: and I've already been told by several members of my family,
29:32
Speaker 2: what are you going to say? What are you going
29:34
Speaker 2: to write about? Like, be careful. You know I've been
29:40
Speaker 2: you know, there's a lot of Yes, there's a lot
29:45
Speaker 2: of fear, I mean, and of course from my mother
29:51
Speaker 2: and my father because I'm really bearing it all here.
29:55
Speaker 2: A guy. I was twelve years old when you know,
30:02
Speaker 2: my father thought it was a good idea to have
30:05
Speaker 2: the bodyguards take me to lose my virginity at a
30:07
Speaker 2: whorehouse at twelve, and that became almost like a weekend thing.
30:15
Speaker 2: Every weekend, you know, they you know, they take me
30:19
Speaker 2: to visit horse at twelve. I have a fifteen year
30:24
Speaker 2: old daughter. Rite this right now, Like for her to
30:27
Speaker 2: have been sexually active at twelve would have broken my heart,
30:31
Speaker 2: like I was taken away from being a kid. But again,
30:37
Speaker 2: and this is the important part, my dad didn't do
30:40
Speaker 2: it maliciously. It was what he knew ought he was
30:46
Speaker 2: doing what was best for me by making me this
30:51
Speaker 2: man's man. And at twelve years old, I thought I
30:54
Speaker 2: was the man's man. I like, go to my twelve
30:56
Speaker 2: year old friends, I was like, yo, man, I got
30:59
Speaker 2: laid this weekend and you know, and I thought I
31:01
Speaker 2: was the ship and sorry about it, but okay, I
31:05
Speaker 2: thought I was like the man. And it's like until
31:10
Speaker 2: years later I was able to see like, oh my god,
31:12
Speaker 2: what did this do to me? And how am I?
31:15
Speaker 2: And the reason I'm divorced twice is because of the
31:21
Speaker 2: introduction into sex that as kewed my relationships with every
31:26
Speaker 2: single woman that I've ever been in touch with. And
31:30
Speaker 2: it's part of the of the trauma and accepting who
31:33
Speaker 2: I am and transcending.
31:36
Speaker 1: That Roberto amazing uh story, You're incredible. I just really
31:46
Speaker 1: appreciate your being here and being willing to share not
31:51
Speaker 1: only your story but you your yourself and your openness
31:55
Speaker 1: and your awareness. I mean, to me, that's what this
31:58
Speaker 1: podcast is all about. The book again, the working title
32:01
Speaker 1: is called Son of a Tiger. It's forthcoming. I love
32:05
Speaker 1: to have you back when the book gets published. Being
32:09
Speaker 1: honored to have you back here, and I just want
32:12
Speaker 1: to say that I really appreciate you and I find
32:16
Speaker 1: you very inspiring to talk to.
32:18
Speaker 2: So thank you my pleasure. And I want to thank
32:20
Speaker 2: you doctor Mike Peerson for having this podcast and bringing
32:24
Speaker 2: awareness to everybody. I plot your efforts and I recognize
32:29
Speaker 2: you for the healing that you bring in worldwide in
32:34
Speaker 2: holding this space. I thank you truly.
32:37
Speaker 1: All Right, man, we'll be in touch, all right. Take care.
32:40
Speaker 2: Thank you,