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James Gardner · Not Another Football Podcast

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Not Another Football Podcast with myself,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Simon Donnelly and Jackie McNamara. And we're delighted our next
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: guest is none other than James Gardner, a.k.a.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Comedy James. Not as delighted as me.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: I cannae wait to tell my dad. Honestly, my favourite
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: ever Celtic player is Jackie. It's been documented, I've been
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: on Off The Ball. I remember singing... his name is
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: McNamara on the eve of the Scottish Cup final you
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: came off the bench and I was with a group
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: of boys in the baton and he scored?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Aye so they when I.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Started I'm just like his name is McNamara they're all
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: like who the fuck you're a pal singing McNamara the
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: next day he's come off the bench and scored and
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I was like see I told you and you but
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: you were the first you know what I mean it's
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: like sitting with my wife and my ex-girlfriend you know
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: what I.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Mean you used to be because.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I was there before him You were my favourite player, aye,
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: and then Jackie's come in and I think it was
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: the women's answer season, the old attacking midfielder, so I
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: had to bomb you, but listen, that's just what happens,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: you just need to upgrade from time to time, you know.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: What I mean?
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Delighted to be here, I would never have thought my
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: 15-year-old would say, you've won a podcast with me today,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: so thanks for having me, aye.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: And the reason we've got you is because you're along
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the road at the Fringe at the moment. How's things
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: going with that?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: It's going really well. I've sold a run out in advance.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Are you on every day? Every day.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I've just been doing an 11-day run that I'm doing
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: because that was all my girlfriend allowed me to do.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So you can go for a week. And I was
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: telling the boys, I'll probably stretch it for up to
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: 10 days.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: But I think just with all the stuff I've been
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: doing on social media, this is my fourth year doing
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: a solo show at the Fringe.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: You've kind of got four years worth of people coming.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: To see you, buying, then you've got all the social
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: media stuff, lots of gigs in Glasgow, so my run,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: our show run sold out, and we've put on double
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: the amount of tickets, and they've sold out as well,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: so it's been brilliant, it's been really, really good, so
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: you're kind.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Of going like that, is this it?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: But you know, I don't know if it's like when
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: you've got momentum and fit, but you're kind of thinking,
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: it might not last, so let's try and take advantage
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: of it just now, you.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Know what I mean? I mean, listen, I've obviously followed
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: you on Instagram.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: For the last few years as well, We did a
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: wee project with a comedy night member.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: At the pub a few years back. You've really gathered
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: pace with the whole thing, haven't you? I think so.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: I think actually it's been one of the things I feel,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: because I kind of see myself first and foremost as
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: a stand-up, but.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I love doing the football stuff. I grew up watching
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: All In Excuses. I don't really like comedy, so I
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: don't watch comedy.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: People are like, oh, have you seen Daniel Kitson? I
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: was like, did he play up front with Hartson at
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: West Ham?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I was like.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: I don't really I don't really watch I only watched
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: my first Kevin Bridges special which was that long overdue
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: catch up watched that I think about two years ago
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: or a year and a half it was the first
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: time I'd watched it it was incredible but I just
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: don't really I'm not into watching stand up no I
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: fucking hate it man I just can't go a lot
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: of comedians either do you know what I mean because
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: I just grew up playing football I'd rather be about
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: the boys and I just watch old Celtic videos on
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: YouTube and Tyson Fury fights that's it those are my
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: special interests so erm So I'm not a big comedy
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: fan in that regard, but I grew up watching On
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: An Excuse, that was my, Johnny Watson, probably a hero.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Followed me on Instagram recently, and I was like, oh
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: my God.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: So, you know, just doing the kind of, or his
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: daft voices, you know, he would put on the Frankie,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: you know, where's the birds and all that, and just,
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Just everything. So that kind of, for me, is what
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: I love doing as well.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Is that what got you into it then?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Because we've had a few comedians on, and I'm always curious,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: because I think it's one of the hardest things to do, possibly.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: How did you get into it? Was it just through that?
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: No, I think, do you know what it was? So
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: my older brother, Alexander, is a really important person in
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: my life. He's profoundly disabled. He's got quadriplegic cerebral palsy.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: He's not a verbal, but he communicates with his eyes,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: looks up for yes, looks down for no. And my
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: sister and I, as well as my parents, we're largely
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: responsible for his care for the majority of our lives.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: So making my brother laugh by putting on daft voices
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: and all that, he would always start laughing and that
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: was always.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Kind of my buzz.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: And then to communicate for him, you're having to interpret
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: what he's saying, repeat it back to him. So you're
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: talking all the time. So it's kind of like if
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: you're not talking, you're kind of actively ignoring him. So
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: I'm always like, you're all right, you're all right.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Do you need a drink? Do you want anything?
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: So I think that kind of, performing was always there
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: and obviously probably not had enough attention as a result
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: of that. That's kind of what happens in households when
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: you've got somebody who's got complex needs. So I think
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: that desire to be fucking loved and to have an
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: audience and to be funny was always there and then
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: just I think, you know, somebody when I lived in
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: London first time round, somebody said to me, I've done
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: this comedy course, you should do it. So I went
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: and did the stand-up course about 15 years ago and
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: you graduate from it, well, like a showcase gig, you do,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: you've built up like a seven minute set, but I
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: never followed up, after that I did two gigs, and
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I went to the Philippines to play football, and then
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I never ever did comedy again for another, like, eight,
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: nine years, so it wasn't until.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I, You went to the Philippines to play football? Aye,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I went to the Philippines, What was that about?
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: So basically, so, I used to DJ at Baton, for years,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: and like Bamboo, because you'd spoke before, so you'd get various, trash,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Was it trash? I used to DJ in Trash on
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: a Tuesday Good night Tuesday night I saw no big
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: hearts and all that I know a lot of Because
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: you've done various stuff I've guest listed half the SBL
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: into nightclubs you know so one of the boys I
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: used to DJ with a guy called Paul Fox he
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: was out in the Philippines running a betting company and
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: he phones me up just random I'm living in London
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: at this point and he's like listen they've got a
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: national football league out here and They're not very good.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: You could maybe get a game.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: What was your background with football then? I would say
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: a decent amateur football player. Just a hard worker.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: A very willing cart horse, if you will. Do you
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: know what I mean?
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: I would say to Jackie in the car over, like,
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: fuel sacrifice. I'm just saying I played in the Philippines.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: But I played amateur football from when I was like 15,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: like the grown men. And that was the best learning
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: ground because you were playing with some boys that maybe
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: played junior, maybe a couple of boys that played lower
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: leagues at one stage so they would kind of tell
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: you what to do and split defenders and all that
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: so I kind of loved the kind of the horrible
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: side of the game because I wasn't a very good
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: message you know what I mean so anyway I went
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: out to the Philippines and kind of sort of blagged
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: it a bit and Big Rudy was my manager Brian
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Reed was my manager for a spell so I made
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: about four appearances or something over I don't know three
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: or four months spell but it was it was brilliant
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: brilliant fun came back to London and I was unemployed
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: for about six months and then when I was 13
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: I moved back in my mom and dad took a
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: job with C.R. Smith, keeping the football theme running, and
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: I was selling double glazing, commission only double glazing salesman
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: for the best part of eight years, and then I
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: ended up just basically having a breakdown, man, I was
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: working like 80, 90 hours a week at times, commission
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: only double glazing sales, I was in my mid to
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: late 30s, I was pretty lonely, didn't know that I
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: was lonely, I was earning good money, but then because
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: I was so unhappy, I was spending loads of money,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: so I lived myself, I bought a one bedroom flat,
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: I had the C.R.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Smith car, the blue and white C.R. Smith car, I
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: went and bought myself a Porsche. I loved myself. I
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: had two cars. I had no time to drive it.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I used to drive it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: I used to take my car out of my wee garage,
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: drive it round to Summerson when I grew up, and
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: then back in half day and night, put it back in.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: That was me done. £ 600 a month I was paying
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: for that. Do you know what I mean? So I
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: was drowning in debt. And then I sold my flat,
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: paid off my debt, quit my job, and I was like,
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: I've been wanting to do comedy for this last eight years.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: So it was always on your mind? It was always
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: on my mind, because you always think, I'll get to it,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: I'll do it, I'll do it.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: And I was always working evenings, weekends. I didn't even
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: know where to begin. And that's when I started. I
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: was 36 and a half and I really started doing comedy.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: And like that was the first eight months before COVID.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I was just hammering gigs.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: I think I did about 100 gigs near enough in
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: that first eight months. And that was kind of it.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Do you remember your very first one?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I can remember it. Actually, it was Paisley Road West.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: at a wee pub, Six Rangers pub.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Aye, aye, Paisley Road West. How did that get done?
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: It was, do you know what? What was your material?
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Everybody's rubbish when they first start, like you're absolutely rubbish,
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: but you'll get a laugh because most people will go
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: up and they'll find something that's a bit funny or
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: a bit shocking and, you know, I kind of just
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: went up and I was dressed like a drug dealer,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: like a Glasgow drug dealer, just on black night tracky
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: bottoms and all that, so for a while, my first
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: eight months, that was my hang, I used to go
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: up with a, with the sports.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Gear and all that, and the Yeezys and all that,
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: and I'd be like.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, excuse the drug dealer look and all that, but
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: if anyone's looking, you know, just daft stuff like that,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: but that was my very first gig, Sunday night, I
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: remember I could do it myself, like dead nervous and
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: all that, and you got to do 10 minutes, and
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: then you meet other people, and they tell you there's
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: a gig here, and there's a gig there, you know,
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: and then you kind of start figuring out from there.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: And your first gig, Sink or Swim, did you get
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: through it all right?
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Obviously I've worked as a TV presenter for years.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: I used to do the shopping channels.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: I did the Dutch football in Setanta. I presented a
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: few games. So I thought I was going to be famous.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: The back story before all that was I was DJing
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: from when I was 17 on the tune.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Did all the different nightclubs and bars.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: And then even when I got a job at Setanta,
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: I started off as an assistant producer, doing the match highlights.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: That's by John Hartson and a lot of football guys.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: But I was also going out at night as well.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: So a lot of boys like Scott McDonald would see
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: him through the week at Motherwell.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Then I'd see him on a Saturday night. Do you
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: know what I mean?
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: So people would be like, he's all right, the big man.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: My mates all played at Motherwell, like Kenny Connolly and
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Mark Reynolds. So they were all there. And it was
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: just a brilliant time. So I was always knocking about
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: the town. I wanted to be a presenter. I got
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: to present a couple of games. Did the Dutch football
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: and stuff like that. Moved down to London after we
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: went bust because I thought, I'm going to be famous here.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I'm just remembering as we're speaking, did you stick stuff up?
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: It was a shopping channel, I remember.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Aye. Do you put stuff on your Instagram with that? Aye. Honestly,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: when I tell people what I've done.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: So do you think you need to have something in
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: your makeup then just to kind of shrug it off
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: as a comedian?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: So I think there's two types of people who do
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: stand-up comedies. There's your extrovert and your classic extrovert. I'm like, me, me,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: I'll do it. Even when you're going to a wedding
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: and somebody's doing the speech, even if you don't know them,
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: I'm like, listen, if you're struggling with me, I'll go
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: and do the speech for you.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Then you've maybe got the opposite.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: I think the other comedians are what I would call
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: extroverted introverts. So a lot of comics cannae have the
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: cat with you.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Before the gig. They're all like, I don't want to
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: talk to you. I want to say John Gagan.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Well, a lot of them, I would say 70, 80%
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: of them, I like that. They need the space that
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: the stage offers to kind of give them that space
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: to go and be who they want to be and
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: they come alive. But I find all that really hard
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: because my personality is big and bold and brash and just,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: you know, amateur football. So you come in, what's happening boys?
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: And I've been doing gigs with this guy for two months,
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: he's not saying hello to me.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: So then in my head, fuck you and all that.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? You've got to realise
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: that not everyone's like that. You know what I mean?
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: It's so weird, isn't it?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I went to Dubai with Joe and John was doing the,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: we'd go over to Dubai every year.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: It's like a Scotland, England thing for three or four days.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: You walked past me on a flight. Did we? I
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: did say hello. Recently? No, it was about seven, eight
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: years ago. I was going back to the Philippines for
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: a testimonial. Macca was doing the.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: The after dinner at that one so that was a
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: few years ago but John's been over at it but
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: John's I've not been to that.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: One he's a nervous have you not been invited for
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: that one no I've been invited it's hard to just
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: I don't like flying oh.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Do you not but neither does John so he doesn't
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: like the flying he's quite a nervous character yeah and
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: then well everybody's seen John Gagan once he goes out
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: on stage I.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Don't even know who that is by the way do
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: you not he's an ex-footballer he.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Does the after dinner stuff does he okay but he's.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Very much a you're describing there and then you'll be
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: sitting with him at the dinner and then he goes
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: up to do his bit and he's.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: Jim Delahunt's like that we walked with Jim Delahunt and
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: obviously I grew up watching these guys Rob McLean whereas
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: for example Rob's I think particularly charismatic on and off
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: camera I think Jim Delahunt's a smashing guy really like
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: him but he would be quite nervous and then he
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: would go on and be like a different person because
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: what you see is really fluent sort of stalwart of
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Scottish sports television and you would see him off and
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: you'd be like, right, OK, just, you know, because obviously.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: It's weird, eh? Yeah, it's very, very different.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Martin O'Neill's... I've seen Martin O'Neill before he goes on
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: to the... I know, it's hard to believe, but the
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: same in the dressing room. He's quiet, you know, and standoffish, like, shy.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: Maybe a few times he's come into the company, but
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: then as soon as he steps up to, you know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: go on the stage or deliver something in the dressing room,
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: he comes alive.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: It's... It's very similar. John's the one that sticks out
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: for me. And he's an ex-player. He played with Motherwell
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: and Morton.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: And he talks his cell down, but he's just a
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: totally different character, ain't he, when he goes up?
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: I think, again, some people are different.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: I could really probably benefit with probably being a bit
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: quieter even when I'm on stage. Because I feel that
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: if I pause for breath or I'm quiet or I
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: break the silence, I'm losing control. So I'll just keep
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: fucking talking. It'll take me to some funny places.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: But also there's a couple of times I'm crying, I
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: don't want anybody to think this is bad, so if
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I'm quiet, like even stopping to think for a second,
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no, so I just keep talking or I'll
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: swear or something like that, just as a bridging word.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Do you ever get to a bit of a brain freeze?
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Have you ever experienced that on stage?
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: I have experienced it, because no matter how confident you are,
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: because confidence is an act, so I'm dead confident, but
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: that's like a real forced learned behaviour, so you just
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: get into the rhythm of being like, right, okay, because
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: you kind of know, I'll get through this, but what
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: happens is, I think it's like a snowball rolling downhill. See,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: sometimes you just get caught in a bit of nervousness
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: or you get in your own head and you see
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: something and you think, well, fucking, they're having a terrible time.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: It's like you can see everything in a split second.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: And then maybe you've been flustered and then you can't
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: even think of something. And then the panic takes over.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: And then a few times you've been like, holy shit,
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: this is, I'm going to actually, I don't know what
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: the fuck I'm going to say here. Do you know
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: what I mean? You start doing my jokes about something else.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: So, but it's, you have to almost, rationalise it and
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: just go, just forget about it, do you know what
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: I mean? Like the best way to describe it is,
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: you always get, and again, it comes with experience, I
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: always focus on the people who.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Are not having fun or who I think are not
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: having fun, do you know what I mean?
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: Room of 100 people, 99 people laughing, I'm like, why
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: don't you focus on that guy up the back there
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: who's just sat like that?
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Just focus on.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Him and then you've got the old commentary, he's having
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: a bad time, your jokes are shite, you should quit,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: you should quit, this is terrible, oh he's having a
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: terrible time, why are you doing this material, stop it.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: And then, Like, I remember that happened with this gig
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: and I did a break half-time and they were like,
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: how you getting on, you enjoying yourself?
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I went, she's fucking brilliant, son. I said, alright, she's
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: fucking done the laughing.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: She said, I had a stroke, mate, I cannae move
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: the right side of my face.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: And that was a big lesson for me.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Because, again, the guy the other day, at the Fringe,
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: sat right down the front, he looked like Pierluigi Collina, right?
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: So, piercing eyes and he just sat the whole time.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: He didn't laugh once.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: And you had to go, he'll probably be enjoying it,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: he might not be, but also, he'll probably be enjoying it,
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: I was packing up my camera, and all that, and
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: somebody came outside, and went, that guy didn't laugh, he's
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: waiting outside for a selfie, and he was like, brilliant,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: my son lives in Somers, and just found out that's
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: where he grew up, absolutely brilliant mate, and you just go, amazing,
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: so it's like, you've got to, you've got to be
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: aware of it, but also switch your brain off to
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: it as well, I think, do you know what I mean, so.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Who was the, who did we have on, was it
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Connor Burns? Connor Burns. That said about, the Scandinavians.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Or something they just aye they're different aye nobody laughs nobody.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: Laughs but they'll say that was a good show or
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: they'll just.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Be but then at the end rave reviews yeah.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: Brilliant I think you've got you've got kids similar ages
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: haven't you I feel that the young team don't laugh
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: the same way I feel that if they're 18, 19
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: they're almost when I say too young for comedy they
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: are not letting themselves go because to laugh is quite
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: a vulnerable thing do you know what I mean because
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: you need to be a bit you need to be
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: a bit stupid you're letting go of your sensibilities and
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: you're wetting yourself with laughter whereas we do a lot
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: of late night shows at the Fringe and it's all
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: the kids they're 18, 19, 20 and they're all just
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: sat there and I think they're so worried about what
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: other people are thinking of them because you see them
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: now they're a bit moody too cool to laugh well
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: they're kind of posturing a lot more I think they've
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: got so many metrics to measure themselves against that we
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: didn't have do you know what I mean they've got Instagram, Snapchat,
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: WhatsApp so they are kind of see them all you
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: want to go it's alright so I feel it's really
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: hard to judge if they find you funny or not
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean and then they're like
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: oh you really enjoyed your show you're like what a chance.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Of cracking a smile I know I chuckle that's true
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: what about hecklers I.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Don't get many hecklers at all but again I think
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: that's I'm like cos I'm.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Quite big obviously I follow you on Instagram you get
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: maybe a wee bit more there that's easier to have
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: a pop on Instagram isn't it just.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: The odd I comment that's fine because again I have
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: to remind myself I slag people on Instagram I don't
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: like on Instagram Gary Neville you know what I mean
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: no but if I'm criticising somebody else or my auntie's
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: a rotten pundit somebody else has got the right to
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: say that to me sometimes I forget that as well
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: because you know maybe try and do them in but
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I don't get a lot of heckles but I think
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: it's because I'm quite a big personality on stage tall
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: I'm fucking quite assertive so I think a lot of
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: people go I'm not going to fucking it's like you've
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: set the tone as a teacher.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I get into comedy, I go like Roy Keane, do
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? It's like a derby, like
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: a derby.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: So I kind of feel that that maybe puts people
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: off doing it. I had a boy today, he just
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: kept shouting out there. A couple of times, he just
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: wanted to be involved a wee bit, do you know
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: what I mean? I've done a joke and he's interjected
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: and then I've had to address it and then I
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: finished the joke and he laughed and I went, can
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: you imagine how much better that joke would have been
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: if you hadn't fucking said anything to me? But most
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: of the time, I don't get it because I think
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: most of the time people are just drunk and they just,
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: they think that you can't hear them chatting. So they're
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: trying to explain the jokes and all that. But it's
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: a bit like being a teacher. I think if you
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: go on about it all the time, I think you're
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: ruining the gig for everybody. And also, I think if
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: you pull somebody up for it, they also feel like
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: an idiot and then they're going to.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Do that defensive thing. I was only saying this, you know,
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: because when.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: Somebody's checking their phone and they get pulled up by
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: a comedian, they're always texting their sick baby or something
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: like that, isn't it?
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: It's always like, my child's at my child's house. So
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I think you need to just.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Kind of go, listen, I know you don't realise it,
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: If you don't mind, then I just give them a
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: wee round of applause and I just kind of move on.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: But nine times out of ten, if it's just like chit-chatting,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I just take my word. I just take my word.
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: A lot of your comedy around the Scottish football, I
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: was watching one earlier, I was pissing myself laughing, one
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: with McInnes with a Harps top on.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: He's talking to Shankland.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, with Lauren Shankhill.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: I just want everyone to know I've invented that term.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: London Derek McInnes and Lauren Shankhill.
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: Rangers can be... It's just, we are saying things like people.
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: kind of think, and then using comedy to, I mean,
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: I was pissing myself laughing at that. Even you're doing it,
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: you get sticked for doing it like that?
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Ah, you always get, it's like anything else, you always
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: kind of focus on maybe the one bad comment you get,
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: so you do, you get, I get Celtic fans going
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: like that, he's shite, I've got three or four accounts
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: that religiously comment he's shite on every video, to like
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: a wee burner account, And somebody's like, do you know what?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: He does again, he does again. Do you feel as
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: if it's a defeat if you block them?
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Maybe, but also, yeah, because I think then all that
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: will do is just motivate them to go, ah, we've
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: got them, so let's keep doing it.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: And also, I actually kind of feel that most of these.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: People that are doing it, they must be really, really
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: lonely and I'm obviously giving them, I'm at the cigarette
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: burn you know what I mean is it something that
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: they can feel I don't know because one of the
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: guys that heckles me online all the time I remember
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: like once I'd done a video and he put a
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: laughing face and something quite nice next to it and
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: I think he's forgot that he's meant to be heckling
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean so you do you
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: do get him so I get silly fans that slag
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: me because they'll be thinking this is shite you're slagging
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: silly I get Rangers fans who he's a bigot and
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: all that and you get people always saying he's no
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: funny and they're tagging and sometimes you take that oh,
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: it's a bit shite and you realise, I know, but
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: you also think other things are shite. So I kind
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: of tend to, to say you don't get bothered by
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: it would be a lie, but I would say 95%
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: of the time you're like, I get all the benefit
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: of it, so you're due to take a bit of
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: stick as well.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Did you feel, see when you were, so you obviously,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: was it COVID time did you say you started really
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: pushing it?
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: No, it was, no, the worst thing is I wish
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: I'd started TikTok during lockdown because I would have had
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: a million followers, I would think.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: That's what I was going to ask you because conscious of.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: all your content going onto it, is that an avenue
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: that you felt you had to get into there to
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: get yourself more out there?
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Do you know what it's a bit like? Is it
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: just easy? It's a bit like what we were.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Talking about beforehand, about, you know, people overanalyzing things, where
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: they're going like that, about Kasper Hof slicking the ball
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: around the side, and he must have worked on that
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: through the week, and you're like, well, he worked on
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: passing the ball out wide. No, because a lot of
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: the time, something just happens, and you go, oh, that works.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: So I think during lockdown, I was putting the odd
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: little thing out on Instagram, but at that point I
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: was too scared about what my pals would think and
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't even know what TikTok was and I was like, oh.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: So I didn't start that probably for about another year
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: until we came out of lockdown. I did my first
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: couple of gigs after lockdown. That was when I started
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: putting wee sort of stand-up clips out. And I'm talking about,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: you know, like you'd have the phone and you'd be
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: put up against a bottle of water, you know, and
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: you'd be getting up and filming it and sort of
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: like that. And so I bought like a little tripod
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: for eight quid off Amazon. You know, that was, you know,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I was more advanced than a lot of people. back
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: then doing it and you're embarrassed doing it because you're
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: doing gigs with people for example like Connor Burns at
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: that stage who was not going up and filming his
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: own gigs and he was obviously been doing it for
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: years longer than you was really well regarded or you'd
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: be you know Mark Nelson or Ray Bradshaw people that
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: were pro comedians and you're like I'm just a wee
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: guy I don't make up film any stuff but I
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: was very sort of resolute I just kind of I
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: kind of had some feeling no I think this is
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: what you do try and build mmhmm a following or
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: a brand I don't really I didn't think I consciously
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: sat down and went right this is what to do
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: it's just it kind of felt like the right thing
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: to do and then you start getting I think people
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: oh this is great big man like you know I
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: can't wait to come and see you and I just
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: kind of then sort of made it my thing and
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: then all of a sudden I think when I started
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: the TikTok account that was the big thing because you
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: were getting big growth on TikTok and that's when I
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: realised oh people people are kind of consuming this sort
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: of stuff and then it for me all of a
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: sudden I started really thinking about the jokes for the clips,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: you get a lot of comedians purists, like, no, no,
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: think about the jokes, think about them both, so I
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: don't mind putting stuff on, I just think, well, I'll
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: just write more stuff, so, probably my most famous bit,
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: a stand-up, I think it's been the, the Roddy the
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Prodigy story, you know, the stand-up bit, it's a joke
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: I've done, it's about certain means in Brazil, it's all
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: based on a true story, it's 95% true, like most,
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: you know, comic stories, but that all came, from me
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: hearing Tam Cowan's, Juventus story, you know the donkey? The
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: donkey has a guy over for dinner and he's like, ah,
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: it's a picture of a zebra up on the wall
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: and he says, what's that? That's when I used to
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: play for Juventus. And I just thought, I'd like to
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: come up with something like that. And then.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: So what is yours again? Is it in the favelas
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: in Brazil or something? Aye, that's it.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: It's basically, I'm out in Brazil, it's a true story,
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: but when I'm out in Brazil, a guy, Stephen, you'll
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: probably know him for a lot of the dinners, I
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: think he organises, he's on he's an accountant, he's based
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: out opposite Albion Wolver Stadium and he messaged me when
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: I was out in Brazil, he's like listen I know
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: a boy that's got a bar in Rio, go and
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: see him, we'll get you a drink and all that,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: he's a Celtic fan.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I'm like what?
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: And sends us to this address and he's like you
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: go to the corner of the street of death in
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: Ipanema and I'm out there with a boy in Old Scotia, Glasgow,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: his missus was Brazilian, she's from Rio and so we
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: go to this bar and we've asked this guy called Humberto.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, Humberto, who's Humberto? I didn't say any problem,
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I asked for the king.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: And there's this guy, most Brazilian guy you can imagine
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: in your life, with a full Celtic strip on.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: He wears a Celtic strip every day. And he sees
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: us and he's like, oh, Bishop's Briggs. And I'm like, ah.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Bishop's Briggs. So at that point, he'd only been to
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Celtic Park twice and he stays in Bishop Briggs.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: He was there, he'd been here all week. I missed
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: him on Saturday because I was doing a gig at Gracie's,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: I couldn't.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Get round to Boteco. but he'd come over, but I
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: was just like, Stephen.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Not only how did you meet this guy, the guy's obviously,
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: for some reason, a Celtic fan, made the pilgrimage from
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Rio to Celtic Park, and has ended up in with
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: a group of guys, Philip Bishop Briggs, speaks no English,
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: and they're like, come on, son, you'll be all right,
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: and they've just obviously took him under their wing, and basically,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: I kind of build up a story, he takes us
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: on a favela tour the following day, which is all true,
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: and we get to the favela tour, and I just,
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: In my head, I just like, that would be quite,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know how it came about, but I just
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: think the Brazilian names, and just Rodrigo, and I just went, Rodrigo, Roddy,
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Roddy the Prody, and then that's when I built up
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: the story about how his brother-in-law, he's called, you know,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: he's a ranger's man, he's called Roddy the Prody, and
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: it was probably the first big bit of viral stand-up
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: comedy that I'd done, and that kind of, people came
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: to see me doing a work in progress, my first
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: work in progress was at Tennant's, four year ago I
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: had ten people come but it was because they'd seen
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: that joke or something like that you know what I
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: mean so it kind of encouraged you to well that
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: was when I'd realized I think that had been shared
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: a thousand times my uncle who's a big blue nose
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: sent me a video he was on a flight from
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Luton to Alicante and he's got a video filming you
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: know the seat in front of you somebody's watching it
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean so when that kind
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: of happened you're going alright this is the kind of
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: this is the power of doing this whereas the more
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: traditional people way I suppose is getting in, doing the
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: comedy clubs, getting people to go to the comedy clubs
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: to come and see you, bit like a band basically,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: doing the circuit.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Or a band going viral.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: But you see that now, just to touch on the
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: bands as well, you see that nowadays with bands, and
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: speaking to a couple of bands personally as well, and
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: they don't really like doing that sort of stuff, but
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: they feel as if they maybe have to do it
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: now just to get themselves out there, it's probably similar.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I think it is, so one of the boys, again,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: everything all comes back to playing football, so I play
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: football on a Friday in London, I mean, red flags
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: should have gone up there where I play football in
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: London and it's 11 o'clock to 1 o'clock on a
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Friday and I should have thought to myself, who's playing
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: football at 11 o'clock.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: On a Friday morning, right?
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: And I did it in this group chat and when
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: I play football in Glasgow, it'll be like the Kings
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Park Rangers amateur team of the Shawlins or the Young
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: Boys of Partick over 40s. And I'm not saying I'm famous,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: but when I'm in these group chats, I'll be the
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: most famous person in this group chat, so I'm I'm
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: dropping crumbs from my table.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Just why do you have some of these TikToks on me?
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: I'm grateful that Daddy's giving me this performance behind the scenes.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Just love it, love it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: And then I get added into this group chat and
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to fucking do the exact same thing here.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know anyone, but my method of making friends
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: is a bit like Roy.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Keane in a derby.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Just fucking go in there bold and brash early and
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: you can repair the damage over the next year, but
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: they'll know who you are at least.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: So I get into this group chat and I'm fucking
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: here taking crumbs from the table.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I'm throwing in TikToks on myself and fucking Derek McKinnon's
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: impersonation and all that. And then I realised later, this
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: is an actor's group chat that's been running for 10 years.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: They've been playing football and in that group chat it's
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: been like Jack O'Connell, Barry Keegan, Jordan Stephens with the
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: Rizzle Kicks, Colin Bikini from Top Boy, Shopa Jerusalem.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: From Gangs of London.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, there's all the swell winners in
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: there and they don't know who Derek McInnes is.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Are you still playing
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: with these guys? Still playing with these guys. A lot
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: of great boys in there.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: And then that team has populated a Sunday team, so
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: a Sunday league team. And then, One of the boys,
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: I went and played this against Sunday League team a
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: couple of times and they've added me into the group chat.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: The guy who's kind of taken the running of the team,
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: just plays the team, seen him come up on Instagram,
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: Joe Manager has followed you. I went, oh, that guy,
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Joe Manager, it must be his big hang, managing the
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: amateur team. Look at his profile, fucking 120,000 followers on Instagram.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Managers like Busted, The Vamps, Henry Moody, all these young.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Talented acts. You thought he was just the manager of
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: the team? The manager of the team. And that's kind
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: of his roster of acts. I think it's that thing.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: They're so, some of the nicest people I've ever met,
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: but they're all huge on, like, Instagram. So people that, like,
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: who's Henry Moody and who's Rhys Bibby? So they're just
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: super talented. I call them kids, but, like, they're super talented.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: They're all in their early 20s, but they've all got
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: a million followers each on Instagram and TikTok, whereas I think,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: you know, like, he used to tell me when they
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: go to Brazil we're busted or whatever he went we'll
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: play a thousand seater because that's the legacy of them
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: being on TV whereas he went if we take Henry
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Moody to Brazil he said we could play twice the
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: venue or something like that because they've all done their
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: thing online it's just I know I think the older
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: ones don't want to do it as much because they're
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: like I'm here to play music I'm not here to
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: be social media but I think the younger generation now
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: of bands are coming up through that's how they're getting
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: themselves out there I don't know how fair it is
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: because it's you know there's a bit of injustice said
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: to that too but I think that's just the world
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: that we're in now isn't it yeah.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Aye definitely definitely you went to London as well was
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: that a conscious decision with your the comedy and everything
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: aye well no really because so when I first moved
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: to London I was 27 and I just I kind
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: of felt like I was just.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: Getting swallowed whole by Glasgow. I'd been here my whole life.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I'd never gone away for university.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Or anything like that.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: Just, you know, the dynamics of my family, like we
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: were reliant on me and my sister, you know, with
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: my brother's care and just our kind of set up.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: So it was never something I thought about. I was
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: leaving and it just got to that stage. I was like,
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: I kind of just really need to get out of here.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: So when I was in London, I did the shopping
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: channels and all that and the old fated spell in
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: the Philippines.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: And when I came back, I couldn't get a job.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: And I always wanted to come back to London, because
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: I didn't really want to leave London, I just couldn't
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: afford to live there without a job, so my partner,
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: she's from the South England, and just came up in conversation,
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: she's never lived in London, her sister lives there, a
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: couple of her best pals live there, and I'd always
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: wanted to go back, just kind of came up in conversation,
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you know, we were sort of fortunate, we were in
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: the position that we could go down and sort of
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: try out and rent a place, and I actually don't
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: really do comedy down there, I do Top Secret down there,
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: which is a brilliant club, but I only do that
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: maybe a couple of times a month, but can you
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: make money, really? I don't feel on the London circuit,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: or on a lot of comedy circuits, because the comedy
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: clubs pay so little.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? It's quite an outdated model.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: They're paying the same fees for headliners on a Saturday
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: night that they were paying, I think the standard paying
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: the same fee that they were paying 15 years ago. So,
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: you're not making money that way, and I came into
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: this a lot later, so at 40 years old, I
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: can't really afford to be around comedy clubs all over
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: London and doing three and four gigs a night to
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: come away with two, three hundred quid, it's no worthwhile,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: whereas if you go up to Blackfriars, you know, and
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: Chris at Blackfriars, a brilliant guy, he's calling me, you
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: do the gig in there, his deal is the artist gets.
• 31:34
  Speaker 6: 100% of the door money, and they'll give you a tech,
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: and a show runner, and they'll look after you, and
• 31:42
  Speaker 6: you can go up and do that, and you can
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: come back down, if you do one show, you know,
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: you can make 1500 quid or something like that, and
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: you've been on stage for an hour and a half, and,
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: you know, people come and see, so that's been the way,
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: the kind of, the model, and I think there's, I
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: think there's a lot of guys that are doing, like
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: Stuart Mitchell's doing that, Gary Foles is doing that, Gary
• 31:59
  Speaker 6: Meekle's doing.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: That, you know, Connor, I mean, he's going stratospheric, but
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: I think that's becoming, there's a change now, same, I
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: was in it, I was in it at Grace's on
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: Saturday night, the boy joining there really looked after me,
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: they were really keen for me to come down, it's not,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: it's not a comedy club, so, you know, everyone wants
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: the perfect, You want low ceilings and the seats facing
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: the same way and get the lights down.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: Low and you're doing it in that big room. It's incredible.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: But it was kind of like doing comedy in a
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: beer tent almost. It was just that kind of atmosphere.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: But it was brilliant. It was really, really good. And
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: they really looked after you. They paid me really well.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: As you would expect if I'd run the gig myself
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: and done the door money. Whereas on a Saturday night,
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: a comedy club, you might get, I don't know, 250
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: quid if you're the headliner. If you're doing the middle spot,
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: you'd maybe get 150 quid, you do that for the weekend,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: you're making 300 a pound, you're not paying the mortgage.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: It is, when you describe it like that, it's quite
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: a tough profession to be in. Going back to your
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: social media then, do you feel it's really important to
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: get all your content out there? And the good thing is,
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: you've said before, you lean on the football. So you've
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: got plenty of stuff to get into.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: It's all relevant. I've seen stuff.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: That's happened the day before, or even on the same day,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: and you've got something out that night relevant to it?
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: So that's something that I've just, I suppose, I don't
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: know if it's like you boys in the off-season, you're like,
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: I'm going to step it up next season, do you
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? That's it, and we're pounding the
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: pavements for the pre-season. I realised that, I suppose, the
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: power of that with the World Cup, and just the
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: little extra, the little bit of the extra theatre, so
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: you know, like, people are like, you must have a bag,
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I've got a big kit bag full of strips, I've
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: been buying stuff off Vinted, and, everything at the World
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Cup I keep no but I keep getting I kept
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: trying to buy Ranger stuff off Vinted and it kept
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: getting cancelled so I think what was happening they were
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: like because I wasn't even bidding I was just paying
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: the money that they wanted 20 quid bang right great
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: and they've got like four days to send it to
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: you and obviously once they put their details in I
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: reckon they're going Ian Gardner London don't sell that to
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: him so I had to buy it for like the
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: club shop and stuff like that so I feel like
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: you know about Casper they want the wig and they
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: want a little bit you know just a little bit
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: more but if you can My view is if you
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: can get it out that night, it doesn't need to
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: be that brilliant. Obviously, I want everything to be really good,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: but I think people want to be.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Part of something. They want to share things. They want
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: to be the first.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: They want something that, I suppose, represents how you're feeling
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: about things or something you can share or be a
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: part of. So getting it out that night now is
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: really important. So, man, my sister's like that. You come
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: into bed and I'm like that. I need to do
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: a Derek McKinnis video. And then she's like... she's like
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: brushing her teeth and then I'm just, I'm coming in
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: to put, I'm coming in to put bronzer on and
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: I've got the suit on and I'm wearing shorts and
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: flip flops and she's like, what are you doing?
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: So, it's, but I love doing that stuff and I
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: love talking about football during the stand up because I
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: think that that's, I think that's a real gap in
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: the market because it's like, well, most people want to
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: talk about their team and it's funny, in stand up
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: and like, I feel that, again, 60 people here today
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: and doing our different bits and, politics and this and
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: growing up and all this and then I was like, right,
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: you want to hear.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Some football stuff? Do you know what I mean? And
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: that's it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: And talking to a lovely couple from Lytham and we
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: were chatting about it because I went, I said, I
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: don't really know where Lytham is but does the golf
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: get played there?
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Is it Lytham? He went, aye, that's right, you know.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: And then chatting to them outside and they were, I said, listen,
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: why made you come and see me?
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Because they've travelled.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: Up for the fringe and they went, oh, I don't,
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: come across a couple of your football reels and he
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: just said, there's loads of.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: Scottish people on, there are loads of Rangers fans.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: But he said, so I liked that one you did
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: and all that and they know a boy, who used
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: to be known.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: As the King, is it the King, who's it, Derek
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: McPartland or something like that? A player?
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: Aye.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Aye, by the way, it is McPartland. McPartland, that's their mate.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Brian O'Neill stays in that neck of the woods as
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: well and I think he knows him.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Aye, okay, so that's, they went, well, we're friends with him,
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: actually used to play with him. So they, So they
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: kind of know a bit.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: So your rules are getting you travelling that. That's it.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: It was actually, somebody kind of said, because I remember
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: at one point thinking, because football stuff has kind of
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: looked down their nose a wee bit by comedy clubs
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: and I think comedy's becoming quite middle class now. Because
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: if you're saying, you're more than going to be a comedian,
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: but what? I mean, I know Kevin Bridges, very well
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: in class, he is the GOAT and he's brilliant.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: But, he says his dad went like I'll take you
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: to the clubs you.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Know he was too young to get in he went
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: I'll take you which is brilliant but if I had
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: said to my dad at 16 I'm going to do
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: comedy I'd be fucking very good do you know what
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: I mean so I think increasingly it's becoming a middle
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: class sport because you know you don't need to pay
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: the bills or you know pay the rent.
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: Plus it's so different from even 10 years ago with
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: what you.
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: Can and can't say it's out of offending anybody.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: I well I think more than anything it's just the
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like there's a down payment you need
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: to make for doing comedy. You need to be able
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: to do it for five or six years to become
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: really good at it. And if you can't pay for
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: it in that time, there's a lot of people who
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: just never get a chance to get on stage. So
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: the football stuff I think has been really important for
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: me because people are coming to see you off of that.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: The sketches, the football sketches, people are coming to see
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: you off that. And I've kind of realised, well, actually,
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: I should just really sort of lean into that even more.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: So I brought didn't he bring the suit and all
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: that up for the derring?
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: So I'm going like, I hope he doesn't get through
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: so I don't need to do a sketch.
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: Have you got the brown brogues or not?
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: I've got all that from when I worked at C.R.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: Smith, I've got the brogues, I've got the brogues, I've
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: got everything, but I've got everything.
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: There's a wee bit of grey in the beard and
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: all though.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Well, do you know what I think?
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: I've got, grey stuff I put on but you know
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: when you use the kind of TikTok green screen app
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: it was washing my face off it was making my
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: face go chalk white and I was like oh god
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: this doesn't work you need to tan up and off
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: I bought bronzer I don't know if I brought it
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: with me so my missy's like why are you buying
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: bronzer and I'm like I need to put it on
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: for Derek McKinnon so I brought up like the Rangers
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: training top and I brought up the Celtic training top
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: and the big the Casper whole wig because I'm like
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: maybe I'll do something and I can do a sketch
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: but even all those sorts of things are going fucking
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: like when I went to Thailand at the January there,
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: that was when Wilfred Doncey got the boot and she's like,
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: we're going out for dinner and I'm like, wait, wait,
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: and I've got the Celtic green on top and trying
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: to do a Martin O'Neill skit.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: And all that, do you know what I mean?
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: She's like, please man, I'm holding a wee light up
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: for myself and all that, filming it with one arm.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: You couldn't have done Wilfred though, could you?
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I don't get allowed to black up these days, fucking,
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: woke nonsense, woke nonsense that, innit? But even, again, you've
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: got to think about your choices, even, you know, like,
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: for example, somebody was like, so either you're doing the
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: French accent, and I was like, well, I don't think,
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: I think you've got to just be conscious.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Somebody dug you up for that?
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: You always get people who think, and I think it's
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: important to recognise and start to look at it.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: I don't have the rule book that says I'm right.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: I can only go with what I think is right
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: and what my intentions were.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: So in terms of, like, can I say anything anymore?
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I'm not really worried about
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: cancel culture.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: I think the been proven that you can't get cancelled
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: if you went to boarding school like you know Jeremy
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Clarkson's not been cancelled if I punch somebody at my
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: work I get blacklisted and that's exactly what happened actually
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: I got blacklisted as a tanner I went outside for
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: a fight with my producer at a Christmas night out
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: that's why Keegs is doing the exec producer of Scottish
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: football and Sky Sports that's why I'm fucking doing gigs
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: in a basement there's a reason that I never got
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: taken to ESPN do you know what I mean whereas
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: Jeremy Clarkson can do whatever he wants and still get
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: shows I think when people get cancelled I feel it's
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: because they've maybe built their reputation on a bit of
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: your falsehood and then once they say something about people
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: are waiting for you there's an opportunity to take them
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: down I think people are waiting for them because they
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: go you're at it he's no nice guy or they're
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: full of shit and then I think what they do
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: is they then go for them they're going through and
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: then they find the tweets or they find the emails
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: or somebody else comes forward and I kind of feel
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: like well if somebody wants to.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: Come and do that fair enough but I kind of
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: feel that the way I try and go about my
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: business and live my life I think.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: There'll be a bigger group of people who'll go he's
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: alright by the way and like I get loads of
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: really nice messages for Rangers supporters and stuff.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Like that, really, like, big man, I'm a blue nose
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: and all that, and.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: I think you're fucking great, or I think your stuff's funny,
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: and I was offended, but I think it's important to
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: kind of always just try and be cognizant of it,
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: and just go, maybe that was wrong, it wasn't my intention,
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean?
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: So, your works heavily football theme, we'll finish in a
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: wee bit, the football obviously still takes your beloved team,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: which are favourite games, favourite, seasons?
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: Favourites, so I never, again, when I was, so growing up,
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: my dad worked in a night shift, he's worked in
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: a night shift at UIE, he was a welder, so,
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: you know, my childhood, the majority was my mum, my
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: brother and my sister, you know what I mean, so,
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: it's not like I had somebody who could take me
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: to go and watch the fitment, for example, so, you know,
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: growing up, I remember watching the school cup final and
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: all that, and having like a Celtic trip, but I
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: wanted to go to Celtic, but didn't have anyone to
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: take me and then a woman at our church Louise
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: Cricosa went and said to my mum I'll take him
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: to see Patrick Thistle and so he's still going to
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: see Patrick Thistle and my mum used to teach Keep
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: Fit in Somerset and used to teach Jim Duffy's wife
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: so Duff's two is down flying from like my 8th
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: or 9th birthday I think he took us down to
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Far Hill you know like just into the training the
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: dressing room and all that and then my dad worked
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: with Albert Craig's brother in the night shifts in the
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: yards so I was a I was a mascot for
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: Thistle against Celtic and George Shaw scored the winner and
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: then he moved to Dundee after that so I kind
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: of watched a lot of Thistle games when I was maybe.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: 8, 9 and 10 I started playing amateur.
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: Football but I've never really been in many games at
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: Celtic but probably probably the first proper game I remember
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: like going in really loving was the game 2 you
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: scored in.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: That temporary stand for the Liverpool game Liverpool.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: Aye 2-2 I was there aye just You weren't in
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: the temporary stand were you?
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: Aye I was Were you?
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: We were behind the goal and you put the penalty
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: in off the bar because I remember I remember going
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: ah fucking 90 minutes and McManaman's picked up the ball
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: to this day it's one of the best goals I've
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: ever seen and look Michael Owen scoring do you know
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: what I mean?
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Scored that early on didn't he?
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: I was there I loved going to the Champions League
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: games under Martyn O'Neill because I fell in with a
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: group of boys from Dunbarton who were just normal punters,
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: they were all mad Celtic fans and that was at
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: the time when you could queue up for the Champions
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: League tickets, you didn't have a season book, you just
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: queued up for the tickets, you know.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: On the night? No, you used to do it.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: It was at the start, they would announce the package
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: and then they did it, you queued up, there was
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: no online, first come, first served.
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: We used to come up to the training room, we
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: obviously had changed there and trained at Barrowfield and the
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: queues would be right down past the school or along
• 42:58
  Speaker 5: the road so.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: You would go up there and queue queue for a
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: couple of hours you'd get the three and it was
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: like £ 90 back then so I remember you know like
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: that the Lyon Bayern Munich game because I still quite
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: proud of Adrian Dunham for a time and I remember
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: when I thought when I retired I was like he's
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: the fucking German McNamara and Adrian Dunham was like Jackie
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: McNamara one of my favourite football players because I remember
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: you were playing left back in the Champions League so
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: stuff like that you know like with Big Sutton just
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: chesting every body for 60 yards and all that that
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: was a the UV game no I wasnae I wasnae
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: I didn't even make any of those games but I
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: was there those two seasons after seen us beat Barcelona
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: twice I was there I was in the Barcelona end
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: for the game where Thompson scored where everybody gets sent
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: off and it was chaos because my mate runs an
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: Irish pub in Barcelona so he got his tickets and
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: that was Incredible.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: That's the best You'll Never Walk Alone.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: I've ever heard in my life because that was, they
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: dedicated that to the people of the Madrid bombings taking
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: place that day and it was lit even now the
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: hairs on my neck are standing up and because you're
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: in that little pocket just away from it you can
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: really hear the magnitude of how it goes.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: Did you say you were in the bus or anything?
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: I was in the little corner, aye, aye, Niall Dempsey,
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: not Niall Dempsey I worked with him but it's Brian's son,
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: Niall something Niall who runs the Michael Collins pub in
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Barcelona he got his tickets and we were in me
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: and my mate Nicky fucking grabbing each other it was
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: really emotional and I actually had my 21st round about
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: then and I took my da as a surprise to
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: the away leg so I was in.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: The camp now for.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: The Nile Nile game with Marshall and John Kennedy and
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Diddy the Gat got his ticket as well so I
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: got two tickets for Niall but I knew Diddy from
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: when I worked in well I because I worked on
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: Cruise and I DJed on Trash so he used to
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: come in he used to come in to buy Cruise
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: and Trash he used.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: To come in to buy women's shoes for women.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: So we went down to that hotel his arse hotel
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: remember me.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: And my dad that's fucking 25 euro for a vodka.
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: And orange and we went and got so I didn't
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: need this ticket but obviously he did he's got us
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: a ticket and me and my dad went tell you
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: what we'll do we'll just get to the first person
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: that I saw We'd always love to find out who
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: that would be, but as we got outside the stadiums, I.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Was like, mate, you get a spare ticket, I'm right here,
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: just take that one. And they're like, what? Seriously, I'm
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: right here, just take it, mate. So that was good.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: And then I was at the other Barcelona game. I
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: was at the Tony Watt. I was there for that.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: You were there as well, weren't you? Main stand, we
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: were across. I took my son. You took your boy
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: and I took my boy.
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: I had to take my son out. He was, obviously
• 45:40
  Speaker 5: I'd never seen him. He was too young to see
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: me playing at Celtic. I took him to that game
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: and he loved Messi. and then we're up a few
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: of my mates just at half when we scored first
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: and he starts creeping in the air because Messi's getting
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: beat he wanted Messi to win I was like that
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: I was raging I was like that at half time
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: the noise he's just scared of the noise and then
• 46:03
  Speaker 5: when Tony Watts scored the whole place I had to
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: take him out and then he scored Your dad's been
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: here for 10 years, he's like that, sitting there with
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: all you boys in the car, took him out of
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: the car park and waited for everybody, and he's sitting
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: like that, I said, I'm not taking you back here again,
• 46:18
  Speaker 5: I don't care, I hate them, just sitting.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: Like that, then Messi scored, made it 2-1.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: That was incredible.
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: But because you don't go often, it's always a real
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: privilege for me when you do go, but I used
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: to love going at Setanta, just being the you built
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: on the gantry just logging the game because you were.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Just Was Burley at Satanta with you? He was, Butler,
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: aye Uncle Butler.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Before his American accent Aye.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: Well what's funny is we were just chatting you know
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: like sometimes you make a bit of criticism if you're
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: speaking out on certain things and I remember I remember
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: I remember the I remember the drama when Burley was
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: criticised because when we were going to Nightsuit with Burley
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: I was like I used to wear the long-sleeved select
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: top and all that you know it was Craig Burley
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: and like And then he's fucking like, we're the right lads,
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: you know, him and Keegs would go, and I remember,
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: who was it that.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Was phoning him?
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: Paul Lambert was phoning, we'd go for a drink after
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: the live programme, we'd go out on a Sunday, and
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: we'd go into the little conference room, STV, and there'd
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: be wine and.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: Beer and all that, and fucking, Paul, what do you
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: want me to do?
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: And the manager's not happy about some of the things,
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: because I remember at one point, Martin Neil didn't speak
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: to the reporters for about a month or two, there
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: was like a mad fallout and all that, so it was,
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: kind of brilliant I love a gossip man this is
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: amazing do you know what I mean then you'd see
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: Neil Lennon out fucking in Ashton Lane do you know
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: what I mean through the week and.
• 47:43
  Speaker 5: Stuff like that she'd been out a few times with
• 47:44
  Speaker 5: Burley aye loads of times aye to ever put his
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: teeth in your drink.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: No he never did that no because I think at
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: that point he'd got implants because he'd finished playing he'd implants.
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: He'd done it to me one night in TGI's with
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: the cocktails and I'm sitting there and I've finished my
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: drink and I was like his teeth's hitting my mouth
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: I was like, and all the boys, they all knew
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: it was going on. I was like, because that was
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: his party piece. He'd either do that or put in
• 48:12
  Speaker 5: someone's sandwich or roll. I was like, you're fucking bastard.
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: We're in TGIs in Glasgow. So I took it out
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: of my glass and went, as if I flung it
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: across TGIs. And he's like, you're a fucking wee bastard.
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: And everybody, all the staff, but I'd kept it. He
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: thought I'd flung him out of the air. He's like,
• 48:29
  Speaker 5: I'm fucking going home. I put my teeth up naked.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Some character, he's hated me out. By the way, what
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: was funny about Burley, for me, because obviously you just think,
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: he's quite cantankerous, the big man, very antagonistic.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: So people would come up, they'd be like, oh, fucking
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: big man, fucking love you. I know you love the Celtic.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: And they'd be like, I don't support Celtic, mate. And
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: they'd be like, what? He went, I don't support Celtic,
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: I support Chelsea, mate. I played for him for 10 years,
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: he would just say things like that. Conversation stopper.
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: You would just see him, do you know what I mean?
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: I'd start a fight.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: I think he was like that when he first came
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: to Sutton. Sutton was like that and he was shy.
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: So he would go and stand there and people would
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: come up to him and he'd be rude or that.
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: I'm going, he's going to start selling fans or whatever,
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: start a fight. And he didn't know what he engaged,
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: he'd just stand there at the pugging machine or looking
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: at that or quiet.
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: I think that's difficult for people as well just in
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: regard that, because you do, if you think, when you
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: see people, whether it's online or obviously football is different,
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: but you see them, you think you know them.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: So I think they call that parasocial. And you get it,
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: like just what we were discussing, a lot of people
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: are not particularly outgoing.
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: They don't, like talking to people, they might be a
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: bit shy or insular, it's the same sort of thing,
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: so it's kind of, I do get it, do you
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, and people obviously are like, ah,
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: big man, and a couple of times they do say, well, I.
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: Mean, I don't support selling, and you're.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Like, fucking hell. Shut the conversation.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: When I had, what's really funny is I hadn't spoken
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: to him for months at one point, nearly a year
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: just working on something different, and then I'd had this fight,
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: and it was the office gossip, and I was straight
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: to the phone, Tell your Uncle Walter about what happened
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: straight on the phone, just desperate for the gossip.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: Well, you've been a great guest, mate. We're going to
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: finish with some recommendations. Our last guest, Frank Goholy, recommends
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: an album, a song and a film.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: Okay. So, his album's Hunky Dory by David Bowie. Right.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I actually listened to this on the way home the
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: last time. There's a lot of songs on it that
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: I know about. Yeah, I like it by Bowie. His
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: song is from Lindisfarne. Winter song. What is that, about
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: classical music or something? No, do you not remember, Gazza
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: did a song with him, Fogging the Time, Lindisfarne. Okay.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: It's not Fogging the Time, is it? It's not, it's
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: a song called Winter Song. Winter Song. And his film
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: is Dr. Zhivago, an old classic, which I've not watched. Yeah,
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: I've not watched either.
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: I remember the thing we were making a reference to, Dr.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Zhivago and Trainspotting, I'm sure, or something like that. Right, right.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: So I've not seen it. So can you recommend to
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: our next guest an album, a song and a film?
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: The album I would go for Future Islands I think
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: it's called Singles is the name of the album that's
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: the one that's got Seasons Lighthouse Back in the Tallgrass
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: you know the band Future Islands the guy that does
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: the mad dancing he was on Jules Holland a few
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: years ago they went they're tremendous I've seen them Future
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: Islands oh as soon as you see the guy dancing
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: I watched the one Jules Holland's hitting on me about
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: nearly like 10 years ago, and like, everyone was howling,
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: at the way this guy was dancing, but he puts
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: his heart and soul into it, and he does like
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: mad death growls, so sometimes he just won't sing the lyric,
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: and he's, you can't take your eyes off him, and
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: they've got a few absolute bangers, and I've been to
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: see them twice, saw them at the Barrowlands, and I
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: saw them at the bandstand, they are brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: My song would be Rain In The Summertime by Mike
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Peters and The Alarm, so they are a Welsh punk
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: rock band, Mike Peters just passed away recently, but they
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: opened I think 22 times for U2, they opened for
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: The Stones and all that, they were kind of like
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: the Welsh equivalent of U2, and they had a couple
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: of hits in the 80s, but I've been to see
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: them when I was about five year old with my
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: brother at the Barrowlands what's.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: The song called again?
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: Called Rain in the Summertime that might have been their
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: highest charting hit but it's a brilliant song and I
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: always think as a Scottish person you cannot help but
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: love that relate to it definitely and my film my
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: film would be Heat Michael Mann 95 De Niro and
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: Pacino and for me I mean I've had that in
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: VHS I've had it in DVD I've had it in
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: Blu-ray and I've got it on my Apple my films
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: because I watch it They're doing a sequel to that?
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: They've written, yeah, so Michael Mann has written actually a novel,
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: so I think he always wanted to do like a sequel,
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: and then he said that when he started fleshing it out,
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: he's actually ended up writing a proper novel, so my
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: mate read it, we're big Heat fans, so I downloaded
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: it on the Kindle, and I was like, first couple
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: of pages, it's set right in the aftermath of the film,
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: but also then there's a bit of an origin story,
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: so it kind of goes back and forward, So I
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: was a bit like that, alright, okay, mate, we get it,
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: we get it, because it keeps referencing things that happened
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: at the end of the film, but see, after that,
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: I got in it, it's like a big crime novel,
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: it's like 300 or 400 pages, it's brilliant.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: Just like a right, good.
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: Enjoyable sort of crime caper, so I'm looking forward to it.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: I think DiCaprio.
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: Plays the Val Kilmer role, he's the guy that escapes,
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: so DiCaprio plays him, and I think Christian Bale plays like...
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: the young Al Pacino role as the Vincent Hanna, the
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: cop and all.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: That, so we'll see how it pans out.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Alright, good recommendation mate, great guest, thanks for coming on.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me on.