Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: The People We Scrub on Vacation

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Dear Banya: The People We Scrub on Vacation · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya Red and iHeartRadio
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: we are scrubbing in.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: That intro reminded me of something we forgot to speak
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: on on Monday, and that is that the Golden Globes
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: has a podcast category. Yeah and it again, It just
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: like reignited something in me where like I felt proud
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to be in that space. Mm, but also like we
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: have to get nominated one year, Like I don't know
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: what we.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Have to do. We have to get Sandra out. Remember
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: we have to have a Golden Globes no.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Nominee, so maybe we need a lot of Golden Globe nominees.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Which let's send the word out to Matthew Reese.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Pull her on our podcast.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I love her, I mean, yeah, podcasting our podcast, but why.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Why do I have to honor you? Thinking Patrick Dempsey's
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: going to do our podcast, but another fellow woman podcaster wonted.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Because she has her own podcast to do. What's Patrick
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Dempsey doing right now?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I actually is a new movie coming up. Maybe he
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: wants to promote it here.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I'd love to have Amy Poller on, but I'm like
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: we have to get if we have to get the nominees,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: like we need the Carrie Russell's of the world, happy
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: to have them. I don't know what we gotta do,
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: but we gotta do something. We have to get nominated.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Like I was like laughing because I knew you were
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: going to bring this up, and I was like, it
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: was like Amy Poehler SmartLess, Mel Robbins call her daddy,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: call her Daddy's the only one kind of like in
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: our like world even but it's hard to even say that.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: No, right, she's so far beyond our.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Sixty Yeah, slightly.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Five million. Good for her.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: She's one when thank herself more than more than we have.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it was I knew you were going to
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: bring this up, and I was just like giggling to myself, thinking,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: who we but we you know, we did win the
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: People's Choice Award against Oprah.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Shumer, Like we beat Oprah. There's where there's a will,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: There is a way, and I just have to figure
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: out that way. Yeah, and I'm you know, uh, who
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: votes for the Golden Globes?
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Mark Hollywood Foreign Press tough not to track.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I do love that Amy one against her ex husband. Yeah,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: that was the Sweetest Revenge, which I don't even know
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: of their situation.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: But I think they're friendly. Okay, I think I think
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: still got to feel good totally.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: And her podcast is new, very new, so but she
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: feels kind of like us, That's what I'm saying. I
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: think we'd have a great call.
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Like, she's so good at interviewing people, and she's so
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like calming, and she even made a mistake interviewing Gwyneth Paltrow.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Did you see that?
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: No?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: She was like, tell me about Cold Mountain, and Gwyneth
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: is like, I wasn't in Cold Mountain, but thank you
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: for thinking I'm like Nicole Kidman and she goes, yeah,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: well then that doesn't matter, Like she just it wasn't
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: an awkward moment. It was just like, continued in the conversation.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: She's such a mistakes everybody makes, even the best of us.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: But anyways, that's gonna be. I actually haven't made my
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: vision board this year yet. Oh wow spoiler alerts, Wow, Yeah,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I was. Actually what's crazy is I was in the
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: process of making my vision board like I do. It's
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: kind of like a two day step thing. I rip
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: everything out one day and then I like glew it
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: down the next day. The day I was ripping was
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: the day I went to the er, so kind of
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: set that aside.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: A different kind of ripping was needed, Yes.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Very different. So I haven't made my vision board, but
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna put Golden Globe nominated podcast winning
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: podcast to be nominated when you can win child's play,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: and you know what, we won't be a box in
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: the screen. We will be there.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we will be there. Yeah we won't. Yeah, please,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: we'd be like what's it called?
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Uh whatever? Yeah, anybody that's listening, If anybody knows how
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: you go about doing that, please dm me things.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Does it have any connections to the Hollywood form Press?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: What did you say? Who wrotes on it? Yeah, she
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: don't have any contacts. Let us know.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I can send an amazing box of cookies, we can
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: make some sourdough. Whatever we got to do, we can do.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. What did you think about the mom
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: group drama?
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: It was the story that never ended. I could not
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: get over it, Like I okay, I'm curious, do you
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: have like a side that you're on?
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So here for those of you who don't know anything
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: about this, actually Tisdale posted a personal blog entry on
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: her site that was titled You're Allowed to Leave your
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: mom Group? And then I'm pretty sure the Cut picked
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: it up.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm not sure if the Cut picked it up.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Oh no, she expanded our essay. Yeah, so she expanded
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: on her essay, and she basically just said, which.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Was interesting to me, It was like public, I already
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: putting it on your blog is making it public. I
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: want this to be seen?
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah. But she basically described the group as
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: taken on like mean girl, exclusionary behavior. What what are
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: your opinions on it?
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Well, the way she was saying was like they were
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: this was this mom group and then they would all
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: kind of get together without her. She would see them
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: posting on Instagram without her, and then like one of
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: them through a dinner party and they seated her like
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: down the table away from the other moms. And I
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: took a little bit offense to that, because I'm like,
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: doing a seating chart is stressful enough, Like you don't
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: need people being like I'm not your close friend because
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not at this table, Like I can't with that. Yeah,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: because seating tables, seating tables are is stressful. Let the
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: hosts do what they gotta do.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Here's my thing. My take on it is that two
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: people not getting along or not meshing as a friend
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: group doesn't make either of them bad people. It just
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: means that maybe they didn't get along and like maybe
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: there wasn't like, uh similarities enough because I think the
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: idea is like, Okay, we're in the same industry and
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: we have kids, so I should be getting along with
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: all these people.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Don't think that's a fair thing, Like you don't you
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: don't just click with everyone just because they're in the
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: same industry, so what.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: So I found it interesting in the article she said
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: these moms aren't bad people except for one. So now
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like really curious which the one is. Oh, do
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: you know who it is?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: No, But that's why I keep seeing people spec I'm like, there's.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: A person in particular that she says like they could
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: be a bad person, and I'm like so curious who
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: the one is, Like I really want to figure that out.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know the answer. But what's been so interesting
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: is every day there's a new layer, there's a new
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: person commenting about it. Hillary Duff's sister Haley liked Ashley
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Tisdale's story on the Cut or whatever, which I find bizarre.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Well, I guess Haley and Hillary had some sort of
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: falling out, like a long time ago.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Megan Trainer posted like when you learned about the thing,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: like she put her song like I still don't care,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: which people were really upset about too. They were just like,
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: this is mean girl, like you don't care. But to
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: me it was like her just being like I don't care.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Well, the comment said, so you're saying Ashley was right.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Basically this proves right, right, and then all these other
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: people like every single day somebody knew. Hillary Duff's husband
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: then enters the chat and he's like, what did he say? Mark?
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Can you pull up on?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Said? Uh, creating a parody cover like basically a cover
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: that looked like Ashley's for The Cut.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: No, he took her exact cover and just put his
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: face on her box.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, And he said the most self obsessed, tone deaf
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: person on earth apparently aimed at at Ashley.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so what I read is that apparently Mandy Moore
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: lost her house when the fires were the La fires happened,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: and I guess Ashley kept saying in the group chat
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: like that she was buying a second house in Malibu
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and like renovating her second house or whatever. So I
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: feel like that's where the tone.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Deaf, oh like her land had, like her house that
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: she was buying, like was affected by the.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Fires Mandy Moore's. Maybe no, Mandy Moore's house burned down
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: on the fires. But in this same group chat, Ashley
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: was saying how she bought like a second home in
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Malibu and was like renovating in her second home. So
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I think that's where like the tone deaf, oh.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Like not being sensitive to what had happened.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: To Mandy Moore.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I find it interesting that
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: they all don't have any anxiety of making this public
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: and having speculation, because I've hour any and all of them,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I'd be so stressed by this.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: It's so interesting because like I know Megan Trainer, I
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: feel like pretty well I like her a lot. I
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: find her to be not really into the like drama
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: of it all. Another friend of mine, Janis, is kind
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: of in that same friend group, like the mom group
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: or whatever, and I also find her to be like
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: the least toxic person I've ever met in my life. Yeah,
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: so it's weird to me. But I also know Ashley, Yeah,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: and I love her and I like her a lot,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Like she's always been very kind and sweet to me.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: So it's like I don't know. And I've heard Hillary
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Duff is amazing, and I've heard word Mandy Moore can
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: be kind of prickly at times.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: So it's like I don't know who to believe.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I believe.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: I believe everybody I'm saying.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I think that's one of those things. Someone had a
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: bad experience, she posted about it right, and didn't get
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: along with one of the main people. And I don't
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: think that that makes that whoever that one person.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Well something according to Ashley, one of them is oh yeah,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: but the whole group as a whole I don't believe
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: to be bad.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think actually just needs to find her people.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: I think she found her people. Oh good, seems like it.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Oh it's all handled.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: But what I find so interesting is like every day
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: somebody knew is commenting on it. So it's just like
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: this story that never dies, like it's just not going away.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, won't end. You know, what else doesn't see woe
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: end what Kelsey Ballerini and Chase Stokes relationship because they
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: went we talked about it, like this public breakup and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: him posting stuff that are like I.
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: Tried my best or whatever, and now they're back, and
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: now they're back, but then they're like, give us privacy
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: while we was privacy while we na getting back together.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So there's that. I got to meet Taylor Frankie Paul,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: our newest.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Bachelorette, oh The Secret Life of Mormon Wives.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to meet her at a shoot that
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I did. I was with Ashley I and Caitlin and
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: she was also there and she was so sweet, un chill.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: I feel like she's very polarizing.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I think online, but like in person. I think I
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: think people just have an opinion on her in her
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: life and you know, but I think her as a person.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I quite enjoyed her, I really did. I thought she
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: was lovely. So I'm excited to see her season.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm on the fence of if I'm gonna
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: watch her or not. You know, I don't want to,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: like I don't want to be a sheep and like
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: allow them, like you know what I mean, Like I
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: don't like that, well, they have someone controversial every year,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: so it's like not that controversial.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I mean they always have a contestant or two who
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: have like.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Contestant is different, but making them the lead, I don't know.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Jury's still out for me. Well, not
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: sure if i'll be too, but I will be watching
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Love Island so you can guarantee.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: That when is that coming out?
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: It's supposed to be this week, and they had to
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: like push it back to do to some something weather
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: related and hurricane something like that. Yeah, I was like,
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: come on, I gotta keep people safe till that's what
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: they said, they got to keep them safe. But it's
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: an all star season.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Oh you like that?
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, oh my gosh, it's gonna be so good Survivor.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I do have to say though, before we move on
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: to Survivor, I think Robbie's out on Love Island. He's like,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I just can't do it anymore. And so now I'm
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: on my own, right, So now I'm on my.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: How are you gonna watch it alone? I don't know.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Every day Like, that's gonna be tough. It's gonna be
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: tough on a.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Relationship, but I think he'll come around.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I think he'll come on to I can maybe sink
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: him back in.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't have anything standswer for five right all
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Star seasons. There's another big one coming up, That's all
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: I was saying. And I've seen the promos and it's exciting.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: It's so exciting. Do you know they're doing a dual
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: episode with Beast Games. No one cares, no what. Yeah,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: so they're doing like a crossover episode where like Survivor
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: and Beast Games are doing a crossover episode. They're like,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: Jeff Probes will be on one episode of Beast Games
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: and Mister Beast will be like hosting.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: I don't want that.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: The biggest turn of events is Tanya even knowing what
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Mister Games is. I'm step kids, I know, but like
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: that you just a few years ago, no one could
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: have predicted.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: No, who knows. But they're bringing back the live finale.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: I saw that.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: That's very to go to that.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: It's my favorite part of the season back in the
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: day was when suddenly they go from being emaciated after
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: thirty nine days, it's not thirty nine anymore, but they're emaciated,
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: and then suddenly you go to Live and they are
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: full size again. And it's fascinating.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. You have to find a way to go.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Because my biggest regret in life, which wouldn't have happened
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: because I was in high school, but was not getting
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: to go to a friend's life taping. Oh and yeah,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not getting to go to the reunion. Yeah it
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: was a live show.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: That's why I feel like I was like, I saw
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: like Survivor stop doing the live shows because of the
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: pandemic and so, and I wasn't a fan before. Yeah,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: so I missed out on all those years where I
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: could have gone. And now that.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: It's back, do everything you can to get I will.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Do everything that for me for my regret.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, did you watch the Crazey Anatomy return it? Okay,
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I'll just say this. They need to stop leaving the hospital.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Anytime any of them leave the hospital for any reason.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Horrible things happened in trouble. Now nobody's in trouble, but
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: I'm not no spoilers here, But she's not doing great. Uh,
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: A little shepherd had to take a patient to the
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: other hospital, and so they go for a drive and
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: of course a tire blows out. Like every single time
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: they leave the hospital, and it's so frustrating because hey,
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: can you take over to the other hospital. I'm like,
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: oh great, now, what's gonna happen? Nothing good?
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Are they dangling off a cliff?
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: No, it's not that bad.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, No, anyway you could spoiler alert. Is Joe alive?
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: She's currently a living character on that show? Yes, but
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: tonight tonight maybe we don't know.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's tough.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I could get back into graze all the time I've had, Yeah.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: All the TV.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, by the way, we now know you're never coming back.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I watched run Away. You know there's a new show
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: on Netflix.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: No, no one knows any of these shows because you
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: watch every show deep.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: You're so deep into Netflix. You're getting recommendations like a
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Danish I can't even search up anymore. It's the number
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: one show on.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Netflix right now.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: Oh I know I'm talking about I'm like, okay.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: And then I watched People you Meet on Vacation.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I loved it.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: It was so cheesy.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: That is the craziest thing that you said. Some of
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: the movies that you like and you think that was
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: so cheesy.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I know, I know. So I only watched like I
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: want to say the first twenty minutes where they're like
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: in the car and she's eating the brito, and I
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: was like, I cannot watch this movie like I was.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I was, I'm so, I'm so fascinated by what you
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: can tolerate.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: So I saw your post about how much you loved it,
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: and our producer Sam loved it too, So I feel
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: like I want to give it one more shot. I
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: want to like sit down and try and give it
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: one more shot.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: But I love the leads.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: I felt like there was no chemistry, like negative chemistry.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Well you only watched the part where they're just met.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but shouldn't there be some sort of chemistry.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: There's chemistry. I actually did see a lot of people
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: say they didn't feel like they had chemistry. I feel
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: like they had chemistry. I love that lead actresses just
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: like so cute to me.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Well that's crazy, it was so sad. I was like
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: so excited. I was counting not the days so it
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: came out because it was fresh TV.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I like that. I like that year of takes. There's
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: always people that agree with you, but it's never the
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: majority take. And I like that you take your own
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: path on things, which refreshing.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I was so excited for that movie to come out,
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Like I was like literally because there's so much buzz
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: around it and like and then again it was like
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: fresh TV. Like I was just like boaming at the
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: mouth for something new, and so I was so excited.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: And then I watched this car scene and I was like,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I can't finish this.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: You should give it another shot.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, we have some Dear.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Bonio questions because the people have been needing her advice
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: and our health. So we're gonna take a break and
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: we'll be right back. We're back. What are you laughing?
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: He goes l L with This is about Becca's pickup that's.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Right, play basketball?
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, No. For those who don't remember, in the
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: last episode, I talked about playing in a basketball league
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: on Tuesday night and Tania text to Robbie about it.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: I said, Becca has a pickup basketball game tomorrow. He said, llol,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: where with who? What is happening? That's right, I'm asking
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: the same things. All right, let's get into it, all.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Right, Dear Bonya.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Anonymous, Hi, Becca'm market Eastern. I'd love your perspective on
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: something I've been going back and forth on I've been
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: with my fiance for nine years. We have a three
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: year old, recently welcome to our second daughter. We have
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: a dog. We bought a house together two years ago
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: after our first daughter was born. Planned to get married,
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: but life just kept happening. Even though we have this full,
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: beautiful life together, I still deeply believe in marriage and
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: want to mark that commitment intentionally. But now that I'm
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: in this season, I can't imagine spending what it costs
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: to have a traditional wedding, even though I've always dreamed
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: of having one. My question is should I let that
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: dream go and go to the courthouse or should I
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: wait until we can afford a venue and get married
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: the way I always imagined. I feel torn between being
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: practical and honoring something that still really matters to me.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Love you guys, Taylor.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Time You've had a dream wedding, So how do you
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: feel about it after all is said and done.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like both things can exist at the same time.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I do feel like you should honor the fact that
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: you have been saying that you do want to have
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: this wedding. It's important to you. But as time goes on,
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: life happens, it becomes less I don't say less important,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: but just life starts lifing, and you thinking about spending
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: all that money does seem frivolous, But I will say,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: it's so much money, and it's always going to feel
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: that way, do you know what I mean? Even when
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: life's not lifing, it's always like I cannot I still
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: can't believe I spent this much money on one day
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: in my life, one day of my life. But I
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: can say that it was the best day of my life,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: best weekend of my life. I still look back at
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: videos and photos. I mean, granted it was really just
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: like less than a year ago, but I can't imagine
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: that I'm ever going to regret that ever, And it's
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: a way to bring people in your life together, Like
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like, I don't know, it was just it
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: was the most special weekend of my life, and I'll
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: never regret spending that money. But I do think that
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: there's a way that you can make both of those
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: things true, because even if you have your dream wedding,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: there's ways to cut back. You can scale it back,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: you can maybe not invite as many people, you can
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: cut on certain things like we cut on flowers. I
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: don't know if you could tell, but we just had
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: single bud bases and that cut a lot of the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: cost down because flowers are very expensive in Mexico. They're
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: like even triple how much they are here. So there
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: are ways that you can cut back on costs. You
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: can do evites instead of printing out invitations, like you
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: can really kind of tailor it so that you aren't
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: spending as much. But I don't think that you're going
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: to regret spending money on it.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I have an idea, what if you have your courthouse
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: wedding so that you're legally married and you feel like
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: you've done the thing that you wanted to do for
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: the commitment with your person, But then you put in
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: a savings account for both both of you, and you
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: have an idea of how much you're willing to spend
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: on your dream wedding, like what budget out what your
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: dream wedding, how much that would cost, And then you
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: put a savings account and you get to a place
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: where when that savings account reaches what you want it to,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: that you can do your dream wedding knowing that that
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: money was intentionally for a celebration and a party, and
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: you get to have your dream like weekend or day
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: or whatever it is with your favorite people in address
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: and doing all the things that you want to do,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: but you don't feel stressed that you've done something irresponsible financially.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: I think there's also a happy medium here. It's not
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: courthouse or wedding of the century, like you could have
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: a really modest ceremony with all of your friends and
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: family there.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but she's specifically saying dream wedding, so it's making
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: me think it's a.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Think you can have a scaled down dream wedding. I
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: think the courthouse is not what you want. I think
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: the courthouse is giving in.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: But the court cast to me is like you you
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: have it with your person and a select few people
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: that's really in, and you get a photographer and take
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: really like put a beautiful something that you feel beautiful
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: and didn't take beautiful photos. Those are like I love,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I love when I see elopements like that. But then
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I think, if she wants the celebration and having a
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: band or whatever she wants, then it's like you plan
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: that when when you feel like that's not going to
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: be a burden on you financially.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I really think that social media
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: plays such a part into the like the wedding culture,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: because I feel like people will look at my wedding
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: and think that that was like the most extravagant wedding
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: that they've ever seen. But then I looked at other
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: weddings and I was like, oh my gosh, like we
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: cut on, Like there were so many things that we
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: cut on because we did we didn't want, you know,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: we wanted to like stick within a certain budget, and
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: like there was things that I was like, oh I
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: wish you know, like oh I didn't I didn't do
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: that second look, or I didn't do this whatever night,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: and we didn't do a cake and you know what
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: I mean. Like there was just all these all things
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: and I feel like you compare stuff that you see
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: on social media. So I don't want you to do
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: that because I feel like that takes you down such
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: like a bad rabbit hole.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I think when you just take a look at like
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: what's really important to you when you think of dream wedding,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: what is that? Who is that? And then work from there,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: there are ways to cut costs and still have a
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: really beautiful wedding.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I think that's smart, like look at the things that
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: are important to you and not like what social because
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I saw a post on the Facebook group that was
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: talking about how our lives aren't relatable based on like
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: what we spend like money, how much money we spend
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: on things and like the extravagant trips we take and everything.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: And I think it's that's the perspective though, of like
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: what social media does, because they're looking at us, and
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: then we have people that we look at and we're like, well,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: we could never imagine doing that, and that's just life
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: and comparison and it steals any joy. So I would
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: say literally, think of what your dream wedding is, not
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: not a Pinterest board of what your dream wedding is,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: but like when you think about who's there, what food
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: do you have, what it looks like from like an
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: overhead view, and a memory that you're going to have.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: And I think Mark's right. I think you can have
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: a dream wedding. I just want it. I personally feel
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: like it's not worth and maybe I'm speaking from not
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: having the experience, but I can't imagine if you're not
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: in a financial place to do it that you will
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: feel that it was worth it for one day, so
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I would get to a place where it's not going
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: to feel like you've totally put your family in a
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: bad place financially. But I also think you deserve to
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: have your moment.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Mm hm.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: The average cost of a wedding in America is thirty
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: two thousand dollars Gosh's and that's not practical.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy, all right.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Next one, Dear Banya and Meston, I have been in
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about two almost
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: three years now. When I hear the way Tany's obsessed
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: with Robbie in his hands, the way beca loves on
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Haley with pure intentionality, the way Mark it's excited about
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: his future with Amy even after all these years together,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: and the way efton our Caramel Korn Princess talks about
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: enjoying every niche moment with Alison. I can't help sit
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: in my car and reflect on my own relationship. It
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: inspired me to, unbeknownst to you, join you in the
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: Artist's Way Workbook. Through the pod and the workbook, I
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: still don't feel the way about my boyfriend that you
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: all sound about your respective partners. I don't feel seen
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: in the way that you all have shared that you are.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Is seeniness something that has developed over time that you
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: each have worked on in your relationships or is this
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: my cue that I don't feel seen and I never
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: will with him. He's a firefighter with a kind heart.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: He's my best friend, but I can't seem to shake
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: this feeling that I should be obsessed with him and
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: I'm not. My delulu of being a day one scrubber
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: has convinced me that we're all friends. So I trust
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: your input as if I were hearing from long distance buds.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Please help, Sincerely, A scrub A struggling scrubber.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Shoot, I don't know because she said best friend, which
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: is like, that's what you want, you know, you want
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: to like be with your best friend, But if you're
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: not obsessed with them, maybe that's just not your personality.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Gosh, I'm I'm so torn on this because my personality
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: before Haley was that maybe that's just not my personality. Oh,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: you know, every time I felt and people would talk
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: about it, and I'm like, well, I don't necessarily have that,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: but I don't think it's in me. And then I
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: realized it was in me.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: And right, So I feel like I know your advice here, Yeah,
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't like that
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: life has to be like I don't want it to
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: be like your relationship has to look like our spirit
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: to be good.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: I know. And that's the thing I keep think because
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we're fresh, we're like newly married. Will I
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: be as obsessed with Robbie in twenty years? I think so?
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: But I don't know, right, but she's not even married.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: They're two defensers.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: I know, I know, I know, I know, but I
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: don't want to overreact here either. He sounds a great guy, right,
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: I think you need to ask yourself, like do I
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: look at other guys? Do I find myself envious of
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: other relationships not ours? Like people in your life? You know,
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: Like do you like? I think, do you find your
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: mind or I wandering? And if that is the case,
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: that's a sign. Otherwise I think I don't know.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: I like this guy for you kind of mart firefighter
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: best friend like that seems like he checks a lot.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Of boxes, Yeah, important boxes.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: Obsessed is a big word.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I know. That's why I feel like some people just
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: don't have an obsessive personality. So that's why I have that.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I'll say I don't.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, like I wish you were more obsessed
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: with me, but you're not.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I think that gosh, man, life is life is so short? Yes,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: And there's so many.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: People out there, a plethora.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: And being with someone good doesn't mean they're the right
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: person for you.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Huh.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Being with someone.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Who's good ah h I see, it doesn't.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Mean that they're your person. And it has nothing to
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: do with anything that he's done or who he is
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: as a person. This is about you growing and learning
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: about what you want and what's important to you in
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: a relationship. If you want a relationship where you feel
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: crazy about your partner, then this doesn't seem like this
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: is your guy. Yeah, And you can't force yourself to
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: feel crazy about someone.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: But you know what I think is keeping you in
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: this relationship because he does check the boxes, and he
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: has a kind heart, and he is a good guy,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: and he is your best friend. So you're kind of
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: complacent and you're like happy ish, And I think what
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: scares people is the thought of ending something that's like
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: something with a good guy to find great because they're
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: scared they're not going to find better. Do you know
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: what I mean?
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm, do you know what I think?
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Hear?
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I think what is meant for you will find a way.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: I truly think that if if you go on your
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: journey and you're on a self discovery of figuring out
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: what you want, like let's say you and things in
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: this relationship, and you let him know that you have
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: so much respect for him and think so highly of him,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: but this is like something you need to do for yourself.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: I think you go on that journey and figure out
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: exactly what you want. And I think if this guy
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: is your person, at some point in your life, you
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: will find yourself back in each other's lives. I really
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: believe that if it doesn't end on like bad terms.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: But I don't think it's fair for you to hold
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: yourself back in something that doesn't have elements of a
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: relationship that you want. And I think that you can
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: find a thousand good guys who have a kind heart.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Beck's preaching right now, but also she's preaching imagine the future.
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: That's I always that's one of my preachers, always imagine
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: the future. I don't know hoole the thing. You're twenty five, now,
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: imagine you're thirty. Imagine you're thirty five and you're with
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: this guy and you're raising kids with this guy. Does
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: that make you feel like you or does it make
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: you feel like, oh, that'd be so nice? Like that, like,
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: really put yourself in that moment. That's going to tell
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: you a lot.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: What if she's just like indifferent and different, that's not great.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'm indifferent about a vibrator, do you know
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: what I mean?
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Like take it or leave it.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: So my advice is that I don't know your age,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: but I actually don't even think age matters.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: It doesn't find You're never too old to be happy.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Find yourself. It sounds like she's fine, she sounds like happy,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: But give yourself a chance to be ecstatic. And it
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: you're greedy, It doesn't mean that you're selfish. It just
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: means that you have an idea of something that you
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: want that you don't have right now. And if not you, who,
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: and if not now, when, and if not here where.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Exactly?
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: All right?
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: We got one more?
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: But first, are we're back.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: We're back all.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: Right, Anonymous says, dear Bonya and Marston. Oh, I like
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: that better than beston Marston's really nice first off, Sydney Me.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Congratulations Rebecca and Haley on your engagements. My partner and
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: I women loving women. Have been together for almost eight years.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: We got married last year and are absolutely loving being
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: in our wife era. My wife, however, is not out
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: to anyone in her family. For context, not judgment. They're
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: not accepting of the LGBTQ community due to their particular
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: religious beliefs. Well, I'm going to judge. If you don't
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: want to, I'm going to. She lives many states away,
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: and over the years has gone home for holidays, vacations,
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: and other visits with intentions to come out, but this
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: hasn't yet materialized. Her being in this position breaks my heart,
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: especially given how family oriented she is. At the same time,
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: I worth that continuing to delay maybe making already difficult
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: situation only harder. She agrees and has expressed regrets about
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: not coming out sooner. I want to support her and
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: not make things harder for her, but I'm struggling to
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: know what that support looks like at this stage of
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: the journey. Thank you for letting us into the gift
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: that is your friendship, dynamic and sharing your lives over
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: the years.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Wow, Oh you should lead this one.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: They're married really something.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Congratulations on getting married.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, so exciting.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Man, this is so hard. Religion is really a complicated
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: topic in terms of coming out and homosexuality in general.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I obviously had people in my life that had a
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: really really hard time with it, and I, you know,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: there were people that I chose to come out to,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: and there were people that I was outed to, and like,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: there's parts of me that are upset with the person
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: who outed me because for a long time I was
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: like I didn't even get to tell people how I
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: wanted to tell them. However, I think in hindsight, I'm
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: glad it was almost like they ripped a band aid
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: off for me, And not that it made it easier
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: in some ways, but it kind of did this really
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: hard thing for me. So I have so much grace
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: for your partner and your wife. I also think that
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: she's living a life where they don't know such a
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: massive part of who she is, and I I hope
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: that she's able to get to a place where she
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: has found her family and support maybe with other people.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: I think when I came out publicly, I had already
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I had such a strong support system around me that
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: I knew that no matter how people reacted, I had
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: that love and support in my life. And so I
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: hope that your wife has that. And I also think
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: that it is on her time, however she's Gosh. I
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: don't want her to feel pressured to do it because.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: I know I like, I feel for your wife. I
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: feel for you though, and I feel for her too.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I totally I feel for everybody, but I just feel
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: like forcing somebody to do something before they're like actually ready.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: But there is a fine line because it's like they're married,
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Like what is she telling her family? Yeah, she's single,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: that she's dating a man, Like, like, what is she
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: telling her family? I think that's the trickiest part.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: And I think there's going to be an adjustment period
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: no matter what, even if they end up coming around
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: in some capacity, and if they might not come around,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: because I know there's when it's religion, you you really
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: can't compete with God, like you stop to compete with God. Yeah,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: but I would like to hope that they can process,
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: and also maybe there's a way they secretly know and
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: they're waiting. I don't know how how do you?
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: But also I know there's no no competing with God.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: But it's like, also there comes a point where you
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: just have to when you're married, like tell them no.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, like the parent, like whether they support her
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: or not, right.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: But she just needs to when she says, when she
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: comes out to them, they might not react well. They
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: probably won't react that they won't react well.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: And also there's going to be hurt, probably in the
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: sense of like it's been eight years that we haven't
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: known and you're married. We miss like a huge part.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: But but no matter what, I think, I think the
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: main thing is that no matter what, it's going to
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: be hard because you can't predict how they're going to react.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: They might react, they might surprise you. They might have
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: a great reaction or better reaction than you could imagine.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: They might react horribly. But I think that you have
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: to be prepared for what you you know, she knows
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: her family. You have to be prepared for how they're
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: going to respond, and know that you have a wife
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: who loves you, you have friends who love you and
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: support you, and you have to be able to live
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: your life. Like I remember reading Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: and I don't want to give anything away if you
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: haven't read it, but I remember at the very end,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: she's just talking about like her life and how she
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: had so many regrets of not living her truth about
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: who she was. This like this character at the end
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: is talking about how she wished that she hadn't wasted
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: so much time not letting people know who she really was,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: and it impacted me so much that, like I think
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: a month later is when I came out publicly because
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I finally was like, I'm living my one life based
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: around what other people are going to respond to my love, Yeah,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: to something that is like the most beautiful thing and
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: the most beautiful gift I've ever had, And I've never
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: had feelings like this, and I'm suppressing it because of
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: people who have an opinion. Yeah, And it's just not
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: worth living our life and not being free to be
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: who we are. And people are going to disappoint you
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: and how they react. They're going to disappoint you and
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: their response and you just have to know that, like
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: they're processing something and it has nothing to do with you. Yeah,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: So I don't really know that I have advice except
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: that it's not going to get easier as time goes on.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: It's just going to get harder, you know, because as
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: more time goes by than beyond the shock of you
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: coming out, they're gonna.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Getting married and being.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Married and living this life for so long without them knowing.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: But your family should love you, and that's the that's
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: my main takeaway is like family, family should just love
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: you for being exactly who you are.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: And if they don't initially, maybe they'll come around in time.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes and time
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: heals a lot of wounds. And it might be that
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: you don't talk to them for a while, and it
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: might be that you have some holidays that you don't
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: spend with them. Yeah, but you find your people and
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: you find your family. And I'm really sorry y'all are
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: having to navigate this. And I wish I could hug
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: both of you and let you know that you're like
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: so loved and so supported and you're going to find
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: your people, and just let her know that she's strong
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: and like you, she has you. Yeah, And I will say,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: Haley was so patient. We were together for four years
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: before I came out, and there was never once pressure
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: from her to come out to certain people. But I
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: also never wanted her to feel hidden or like a secret.
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: So y'all both deserve the best, and I'm rooting for
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: you both to sucks.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Sucks well, but not in my stomach for them.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: But man, that's why I feel like the show like
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: he did Rivalry, even though, like I said, it's like
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: so there's a lightheartedness to it and a lot of sex,
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: but there is like this underlying message of like coming out.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and like I was so scared when his dad
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: saw yeah, Like I was expecting like some explosive yeah.
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: And the way they didn't like made me so emotional.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: It was like healing.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It was really really really sweet, really well done.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Your parents have expectations of how your life is going
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: to be, Like most parents have this idea of what's
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: going to happen, and especially for me, like I went
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: on The Bachelor or twice, like, there was definitely expectations
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: of what my life was going to be, and so
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I always remember what I've learned in therapy is like
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: I kind of went on my own path, Like they
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: didn't really change. Like my family and like friends who
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: were close to me, they didn't really change who they
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: were what they believed. But I kind of stepped out
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: and did my something separate. So like giving people time
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: to be surprised and process is normal. But you do
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: deserve to be loved, yes, and not question that. So Anonymous,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: we love.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: You, We love you. Sorry you're going through that.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so hard. Do we have any to end
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: it on?
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: Well?
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: Uh, there was a woman who asked the best meal
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: you ever had in your life? In Japan was oh,
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: my gosh. Yeah, she took a screen shop and now
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: you can't find it.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: It was it's called like Neora Gion and it's Kobe beef.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: It's in Kyoto, and it was like the best stake
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: we've ever had in our life. It was such a
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: fun experience to go to. So that was Mariah Gion.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: And then we had so many good meals, but that
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: was the one I said was the best stick I've
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: had in my life. You would have loved it.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, it me tell you something I've also been doing
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: the past three weeks. Oh, eating cumfort eating has become
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: our our new foretest.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: It's something super decadent that you would not normally eat,
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: but you ate during this stretch.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, So there's this place that I go to and
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: they have excellent breakfast burritos. They wrap them in a
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: gluten free tortilla, so it gets like eggs, avocado, cheese,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: and my gluten free and tortilla. I had them put
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: like lamb shwarma or like some sort of like lamb
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: meat in it with turkey, bacon and hash browns.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: I would never eat that normally and it was amazing.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: I had a waffle the other day on top of
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: my eggs for breakfast. Yeah, I've had some. I'm just
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: kind of been letting loose.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: That's so funny. It's like protein still, Like you're still
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: like lamb still pro.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: What about like ice cream? Any indulgence like that?
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, cake pie not so much a cake gal pie goal,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: but I've done. I've dabbled in a lot of ice
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: cream over the holidays. So I have this thing that
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: I really love. It's a date filled with some sort
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: of nut butter dipped in dark chocolate with sea salt
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: on top. That sounds great, It's delicious. I'll eat like
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: three or four at a time.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: They're so good.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: They're so like good.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: Relatively healthy compared to like a candy bar.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I yeah, I've just kind of been letting myself,
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Like I had mac and cheese the other night.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: The eating in this house, in our house has been
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: absolutely out of control.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, first it was like the holidays and we
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: were like in this whole thing, and then like, yeah,
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: I just we're all you know, when you go off
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: the rails and you're just really hard to get back
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: on the rails.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So you know how normally you buy biscuits
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: and it's in a can of biscuits, like a Canna biscuit.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: Like Pillsbury. Yeah, like a Pillsbury.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: So that's what I've always had. And then I go
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: home to Florida and my mom had like a bag
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: of biscuits that we're in the freezer, so like she
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: could just make as many as she wanted to take
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: out the bag and then put it so it wasn't
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: like you're wasting all these biscuits. Because every time I
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: want biscuits, we make them and then we have like
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: so many leftover and they just go to waste. So
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, I wonder if they have those in La.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: So I found the bag of biscuits Pillsbury, and I
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: am not kidding. I would say ninety percent of the
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: day since we've been home, we've had a biscuit every
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: morning and bacon, real bacon. It was like so southern,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: but it was just lovely. It was just like, oh,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: you want a biscuit.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Have you heard of this new place in La called
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: Max and Helen?
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: I want to go.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, So it's all rage. It's literally all I've seen
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: on social media. And it's like comfort food.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: Like it's like like a new diner.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a diner. So it's hot chocolate with
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: like this little like roasted marshmallow on top, and it
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: looks like these pancakes are so fluffy and delicious, and
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I want that. I've been wanting that my
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: whole winter break was Max and Helen's Okay, we go.
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: We won't show up to Max and Helens put in
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: our name in eight hour.
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow.
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: Robbie was so mad.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Eight hours. He's like that is.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: So like just say we're booked up today, do you
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like saying eight hours is so
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: just like what.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: Is it They text you when your table is ready,
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: So just stay within a block radius for eight hours?
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you got to stay around because like
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: the line was not eight hours, like there was like
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: people outside, but not eight hours.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: That is ludicrous?
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: Can you believe that? Is? So now Robbie won't go
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: back with me. I'm just like.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: I'm of like with you. Something fundamentally wrong with the process.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: So yeah, but not even that, Like it's like just
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: say we're booked today like tomorrow or like yeah, no
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: you can't have breakfast yere, but you can come back
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: for dinner.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Can you make reservation?
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: No? What's the whole the heck? Hm?
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: What day did y'all try to do this? Was it
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: a weekend?
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: No, it was like a Tuesday. But it was winter break,
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: so it was like all the days kind of like
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: it was that that dead week between Christmas and New Year's.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: We should go on a random Wednesday. We might get it.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: It's not going to be less than an.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Hour, well an hour. It's like you can ride, it's
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: so cute.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah we can. Like I have a puzzle with a puzzle.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: I love puzzle. I love a puzzle.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I've been like really wanting that was like,
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: I love a pancake. I love a fluffy pancake. To me,
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: there's nothing better in life than like a fluffy, fluffy pancake.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but eight hours for a pancake, I only make
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: me high and leve.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Take make me a million dollars.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: I remember. All Right, Well, that's the end of this episode,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: and we love you so much. We love you, Thank
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: you for being here. Another year with us, another year
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: with you. But how lucky are we us two. We'll
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: be back next week and I hope you have a
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: wonderful weekend.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Love you so much.