Latest / The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast / The Golden Buddha-Shedding the Clay of Narcissistic Patterns & Remembering Your True Self

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The Golden Buddha-Shedding the Clay of Narcissistic Patterns & Remembering Your True Self · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: My name is Julie Nguyen, here to help you break free from conditioning, heal deeply and step into your true power.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I have just come out of what I've titled the longest dark night of the soul, but I've actually titled it my Spiritual Shit Show, and I am so excited to be able to help and hold space and a listening ear and tips and tools for those who are really on the path to gaining their own confidence again or rebuilding their lives or really interested in answering these questions of like well, who am I now?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: And you know what is my legacy?
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: What am I doing?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: What am I doing?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I've been through it and now that I am coming out on the other side of it, it just feels like a true honor to help and assist others to find their light again, their confidence, their purpose, to be able to say yes to their dreams and their goals.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Today I want to explore something that many of us experience but don't always recognize and or have the courage to talk about, and this is how relationships, especially those with narcissistic dynamics, can shape our sense of self.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: If you are highly empathetic, you may have found yourself in cycles of giving or over explaining and more than likely, you have found yourself in a narcissistic relationship Over time.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: When we are dancing with the narcissist, they can create a kind of clay around your spirit, burying your light, making you doubt your worth and causing you to forget who you truly are.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: You doubt your worth and causing you to forget who you truly are.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: This has also been a huge part of my journey is reclaiming the truth of who I am after spending 36 years in a narcissistic relationship.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: It's important to remember that narcissistic relationships don't just come in our partners, but we can have an experienced narcissistic mothers or fathers or sisters or brothers, friendships and we don't always.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Especially if you're an empath and you're sensitive and you're loving and you're a people pleaser, it's really hard to get yourself out of because there's all these complex layers of well, they're my family or it's my mother, it's my father.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: It's just very, very complex.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: But here's the deal when we are in relationships whether romantic or within our family or friendships with a narcissist or somebody who's emotionally unavailable, we are often made to feel too much or not enough, or our own needs get dismissed, our intuition is gaslit and our self-worth becomes tied to external validation.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I love you and I believe in you.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: And I always say that when you are in a narcissistic relationship, you do not know it, and when you get out of that relationship you need a 12-step program to get out of it.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: It is hard as heck to recover and reclaim yourself after being in a narcissistic relationship.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing as an empath, you might have adapted to these dynamics as a form of survival.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: You learn to shrink yourself, to take on the burden of others and to prioritize their needs over your own.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Does any of this sound familiar?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Over time, this conditioning forms layers hiding your authentic self beneath fear, self-doubt, self-criticism and exhaustion.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: And here's the truth, though your light never disappeared.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: It's still there, beneath that clay, underneath all of those layers of lies that you have been told about yourself.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: And that is what brings me to today's story, one that perfectly illustrates this journey of forgetting and remembering the Golden Buddha.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Once upon a time in Thailand, there was a monastery that housed a massive clay Buddha.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: For years, it sat peacefully in the temple courtyard, unassuming and seemingly ordinary.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: One day, monks noticed cracks forming on its surface.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Concerned that the statue was deteriorating, they examined it closely.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Then one monk took a flashlight and shined it into the crack, what he saw stunned him.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Underneath the clay was something gleaming.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: The monks carefully chipped away at the outer shell and, to their astonishment, they uncovered a Buddha made entirely of solid gold.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: As they researched, they discovered the story behind it Centuries earlier, the golden Buddha had been covered in clay to protect it from invading forces.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Over time, people forgot the truth, believing it was just an ordinary statue.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: It wasn't until the cracks formed that the monks rediscovered its true nature.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: This story is a metaphor for what happens to us in toxic and unbalanced relationships.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: As children, we are born golden, radiant, intuitive, full of love, and in my one-on-one channeling sessions, usually the guides are always bringing the person back to remember the essence of who they were as a child, whether they always had a sense of wonderment or freedom or curiosity or even maybe a little bit peculiar.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: And when we grow up in environments where love is conditional, where we are told we are too sensitive or too much, or if there's levels of abuse and neglect, we begin to cover ourselves in clay.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: In particular narcissistic relationships, we often learn to suppress our needs to keep the peace.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: We minimize our intuition because we are constantly told that we're wrong or crazy.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: We take on the emotional burden of others while neglecting our own healing, wants, needs, desires, dreams.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: And we also become hyper-independent or over-accommodating to avoid conflict and, just like the golden Buddha, we forget the truth that we were never clay.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: If you've been in these patterns, know that you are not broken, you are not unworthy and you are simply in the process of remembering.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And I am here to reflect to you the brilliance of who you are.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Do not believe those lies that somebody else has told you.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I believe in you and I am also saying that to myself as somebody who is recovering from years and years of being in a narcissistic relationship.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to pause here and tell you a story.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I was teaching dance in California a couple weeks ago and my friend who I was staying with we used to dance together back in our 20s and she was like hey, I have our VHS tapes from us dancing.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Do you want to see them?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, I totally do.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: So we pop in this VHS and I'm looking at the screen and I see this girl coming out and she looks so confident and so demanding and you could tell that she was really talented and there was a part of me that I was like, damn, I always wanted to be that.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I always wanted to be like that person, especially when I was dancing.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And then the girl did like a head whip towards the camera and it was fucking me.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I almost came out of my seat.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, that's me.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And my friend was like, yeah, julie, you were good.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Like, you were such a good dancer.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: And I was like I, oh my God, I have believed for so many years all of these things that the narcissist in my life told me and I forgot who I really was.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: So then I'm watching me dancing and all of these group numbers and I'm looking at this girl like I am, so I'm going to cry about talking about it.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Actually, I am so sorry, I forgot about you.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'm looking at her and she's 21 and she is fierce and she is confident and she is good.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: And also you hear in the background people in the audience going yeah, like rooting for me and cheering for me.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And then at the end I don't know, I just saw this like fearless, confident, talented, kind did I say confident person, and I like, yeah, I probably cried.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: And then I had to go back the next day to watch it because I was like I couldn't believe that that was me.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that that was me.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: So I have also been on this return of chipping away at the clay, the shit that I've allowed myself to believe about myself, the lies that I was told over and over and over, and they just become ingrained in you.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And that's the problem with being in a narcissistic relationship.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: They are really great at keeping you away from your dreams, your truth, and they do dim your light.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: But it's not to say that that is not anything that we can recover.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So actually it's really exciting for me now because I'm like, damn, I am getting that version back.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I am getting that version back.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I am confident, I am loving, I am talented.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I could have been a professional dancer, which is what I wanted to be.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So actually, the return to self is so fucking hard and it requires a lot of support and awareness and it literally is a slow chipping away, but I am so looking forward to being bright again, being bright again.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: So if any of this resonates, what do we do to chip away at the clay?
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Number one give yourself time and compassion and also like for me.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I'm excited.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I'm like goddamn sorry for those who that's offensive word, maybe I'll edit that out, we're not.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Anyway, it's just like it's a power word, because it's so like, oh my God, this is my life, this is my life and I want to claim it so confidently and with so much zest and fun and possibilities and freedom, but ultimately to be that person again which had such a powerful light that just the essence of who I was in those videos, like it, was incredible.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: So anyway, when you are in it, hold on to the excitement of the becoming again.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So number one I would say is awareness and support, because you need somebody to kind of bounce off these reflections to you and hopefully all of this will help you to fast track this process.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Versus me, that took forever.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: But anyway, awareness, recognize where you have been dimming your light and what beliefs have been placed on you that are not yours.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: What are these fucking stories that somebody else told you that is not actually true.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: And I will say where in your life have you put your life on the back burner and put somebody else's needs in front of you?
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I will say at the end of like, right before my spiritual shit show began and so I was still in my old business and all of that I remember having distinctively an awareness of oh my God, I have been living this particular way for so long and now I have a husband and I have a daughter, and my husband and my daughter are lowest on my list, like I will push them aside to go and be with this person or these people at a drop of a hat, and that is wild, because now me, my family, my husband, my daughter needs to be at the top of that list.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: So that was very telling for me in my own life of having that awareness of where also was I placing my own needs aside or the things that I love, craved and needed to honor in my life, aside for the needs and the wants and desires of somebody else, aka the narcissist?
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: But awareness, awareness, awareness.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Number two is healing.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I've been loving the somatic therapy course that I've been taking to offer somatic therapy, soul sessions, being able to journal about it, being able to talk about it, but start being able to process the pain, these untruths, the lies that made you cover up it all in the first place, and there's a prayer I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, and that is such a beautiful prayer when you're revisiting these things to be able to say that to yourself like wow.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And I also will say, obviously I'm a little excited about this topic because it is quite fresh for me.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: On this topic, because it is quite fresh for me, but today actually, first of all, the work is long and it's very complex and it's a spiral.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So again, just know, anytime you're doing deep healing work and awareness work, it's not going to be quick.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: So just be in for the ride, stay curious and know that every time you chip away from a little bit of that clay on you, you're one step closer to being in your golden, most magnificent light.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: So, if you can stay with me here for this next thought, in my somatic course, there's a skill that is about inserting warning.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: So, before you have a traumatic event, go back and relive this event and insert warning.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: And what I switched it to is inserting celebration and joy and happiness, that to go back into my life where all of these things that really needed to be celebrated and seen and encouraged and nourished.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going back in my mind now and I'm doing that for myself.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So this can kind of be like inner child work.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: But you can also do this in like my inner child who's 20 or 30 or who's a new mother, because I don't think we offer ourselves enough compassion.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: We find value in our strength just to overcome stuff.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: But really what we do is a lot and it needs to be celebrated and it needs to be supported, and it needs to be celebrated and it needs to be supported and it needs to be seen, and we have to see the value of our own strength and courage and actually what we've done and accomplished and overcome.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: So I, as a personal practice, have been going back into my life and allowing myself to celebrate like that 21-year-old girl who was dancing so fiercely and so confidently.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I am going back in my heart space and celebrating the fuck out of her and I am telling her you are incredible, look at you, you are so confident, you are so loving, you are such a great role model.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I could tell that maybe some of my students were in the audience by the cheers, like what a great example you are, and that also helps reprogram the lies back into truth.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: So a lot of this work, too, is a rewiring of the brain, a rewiring of the belief systems and aligning yourself back into deeper truths.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: All right, but number three we're getting back on track Boundaries.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I want you to stop over explaining yourself.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Just stop justifying your needs.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: You are allowed to take up space.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again you are allowed to take up space.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that one more time so I can hear it for myself I am allowed to take up space period and I allow myself to shine my light period and I allow myself to shine my light period and I allow myself to be me, loved, seen, received in love.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Number four is inner trust.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Begin trusting your own wisdom.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Again, I feel that in my heart when I say that when you're in a narcissistic relationship, you more than likely are being gaslit all the time.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And if you're in it long enough, you're going to begin to think you're fucking crazy because they're so good at distorting reality.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: That's the game that is played.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: That is all part of it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: And again, if you feel like at all you are in a narcissistic relationship, run, run, run, get out while you can.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: It takes a long time to rebuild yourself after such a relationship.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And again, the first thing that goes is your ability to trust your own wisdom, to trust your own reality, to trust your gifts, to trust your light.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And I want you to know that your intuition was never wrong, it was just gaslit.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Your intuition was never wrong, it was never you, it all was just twisted so you can doubt yourself.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: And fifth, I want you to know that it takes courage, and this is the stage that I'm in.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: It takes bravery to shine again, to step out of the clay and into your gold, because there is a hard wiring to doubt yourself or you know, no matter.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: You know many of my clients and friends.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: We are on level 45 or higher in life, many of us rebuilding, rebuilding our lives again.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: You know whether that's coming out of businesses or jobs or getting divorced, any of that.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: We have to realize that it actually takes a lot of courage and excitement.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know I'm excited when before I felt so like little and puny and pitiful and like nothing in my life would ever be good again and I was experiencing such a great loss of myself.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: And you know what's next?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: It was just really the deepest despair ever and through all of this work and knowing that when I put myself out there, it takes courage.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Doing this podcast takes courage.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Creating a resume, which I've never done, takes courage.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Saying what it is that you want in life takes courage, so it takes bravery to shine.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: It does, and I am seeing you, I am supporting you and, yeah, just know that all of this, this whole rebuilds, this chipping away of the clay, of the lies, and allowing yourself to really be seen and in your light, takes courage, and I am excited that if you are listening to this, this means that you are on that path, and I am just so excited for you.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for you.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: So now I want you to take a deep breath and close your eyes and ask yourself where have I covered my light to keep others comfortable?
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Where have I covered my light to keep others comfortable?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Where have I covered my light to keep others comfortable?
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: What parts of me are longing to be seen again?
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: What parts of me are longing to be seen again?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And if I didn't have a past, if I didn't have these stories, if I didn't have these belief systems and I knew with absolute certainty that I was the golden Buddha beneath the clay, that I know that I am a bright, unique, loving, lovable light, how would I move differently in my life.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: What would I do?
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: What would I create?
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: How would I love?
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Who would I be?
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: You were never meant to stay hidden.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: You have always been golden, and it's time to start chipping away at the layers that no longer serve you and step fully into your radiance.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear your reflections.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: You can DM or share this episode, and let's keep peeling back these layers together.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Until the next time, remember that you are gold.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Much love, julie.