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Why You Should Stop Avoiding Things · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:02
  Speaker: Why is it ringing?
• 0:03
  Speaker: I don't recognize my phone number.
• 0:05
  Speaker: Who's calling me?
• 0:06
  Speaker: Why would anyone be calling me?
• 0:08
  Speaker: I don't know your number.
• 0:11
  Speaker: Maybe, maybe someone's in trouble and I need
• 0:13
  Speaker: my help.
• 0:15
  Speaker: Maybe my family member is stuck, stranded somewhere,
• 0:19
  Speaker: borrowing someone else's phone and they need my
• 0:21
  Speaker: assistance.
• 0:22
  Speaker: Or maybe it's a bill collector.
• 0:24
  Speaker: Or maybe it's someone who wants to sell
• 0:26
  Speaker: me something.
• 0:28
  Speaker: Maybe I'll just let it go to voicemail.
• 0:30
  Speaker: Maybe.
• 0:31
  Speaker: What's up?
• 0:32
  Speaker: This is Rae with Get Real Rae, a
• 0:33
  Speaker: place and space for life and business tips
• 0:36
  Speaker: from this creative soul to hopefully provide you
• 0:39
  Speaker: with some lovely, guiding inspiration and information or
• 0:43
  Speaker: at the very least some laughs.
• 0:45
  Speaker: And so let's get real about avoidance behavior.
• 0:50
  Speaker: Craving real advice?
• 0:52
  Speaker: Tired of feeling like every other small business
• 0:54
  Speaker: owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough
• 0:57
  Speaker: while you just seem to be raking?
• 0:59
  Speaker: Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your
• 1:02
  Speaker: own business is not as glamorous as others
• 1:05
  Speaker: make it look?
• 1:06
  Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in
• 1:08
  Speaker: your relationships at home or at the workplace,
• 1:11
  Speaker: you've come to the right place.
• 1:13
  Speaker: My name is Rae.
• 1:14
  Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my
• 1:16
  Speaker: own small business to becoming a solopreneur.
• 1:18
  Speaker: I'm a professional actor and dare we say
• 1:21
  Speaker: a professional busybody because this body is about
• 1:24
  Speaker: to be busy all up in your bins.
• 1:26
  Speaker: So let's get real.
• 1:29
  Speaker: OMG.
• 1:31
  Speaker: I don't know about you, but a lot
• 1:34
  Speaker: of times when my phone rings, I'm a
• 1:37
  Speaker: little hesitant in terms of answering.
• 1:39
  Speaker: Now, here's the thing.
• 1:42
  Speaker: I actually really love phone calls.
• 1:46
  Speaker: I love it when a friend calls me
• 1:49
  Speaker: and it's like, oh my gosh, I did
• 1:52
  Speaker: not expect a call from you.
• 1:53
  Speaker: These phone calls are so warm and fuzzy.
• 1:55
  Speaker: And I get a little, I get a
• 1:56
  Speaker: little like jump like, oh, someone still called
• 1:59
  Speaker: me.
• 1:59
  Speaker: This is little about you, but I feel
• 2:00
  Speaker: like I have to ask people to set
• 2:02
  Speaker: aside a time to call.
• 2:05
  Speaker: Now I'm busy.
• 2:07
  Speaker: I run multiple businesses.
• 2:09
  Speaker: A lot of my friends are very busy
• 2:10
  Speaker: people as well.
• 2:12
  Speaker: Maybe they've got full-time job, kids, PTA
• 2:15
  Speaker: meetings and stuff.
• 2:17
  Speaker: And so when I'm asking them, what's a
• 2:19
  Speaker: good time to call?
• 2:20
  Speaker: It's because I want to make sure that
• 2:22
  Speaker: we can dedicate time to really listen to
• 2:25
  Speaker: each other and not rush.
• 2:27
  Speaker: I feel that for a good number of
• 2:29
  Speaker: years, I was that friend who would be
• 2:31
  Speaker: like, yeah, I'll talk to you.
• 2:32
  Speaker: But I only have five minutes.
• 2:34
  Speaker: And so I started asking because I really
• 2:38
  Speaker: just didn't want my friends to feel like
• 2:40
  Speaker: there'd be a rush.
• 2:41
  Speaker: And I also didn't want them to feel
• 2:43
  Speaker: like I didn't want to talk to them
• 2:44
  Speaker: because I did want to talk to them.
• 2:47
  Speaker: And it just, I started to feel like
• 2:49
  Speaker: this bad friend if I constantly kept saying,
• 2:51
  Speaker: oh, I'd love to talk, but I can't
• 2:52
  Speaker: talk now.
• 2:54
  Speaker: After a while someone goes, well, do you
• 2:56
  Speaker: really want to talk?
• 2:56
  Speaker: Because every time I call you, you're always
• 2:58
  Speaker: busy.
• 3:00
  Speaker: So I started asking to make time for
• 3:01
  Speaker: my friends.
• 3:03
  Speaker: But I was looking at an article.
• 3:07
  Speaker: What is this?
• 3:08
  Speaker: The Sydney Morning Herald.
• 3:09
  Speaker: I don't know anything about this paper, right?
• 3:12
  Speaker: But I did look up this article because
• 3:15
  Speaker: I wanted to get an idea of how
• 3:18
  Speaker: Gen Z relates to phone calls.
• 3:20
  Speaker: Now, let me back up a second.
• 3:23
  Speaker: I have had team members work with me
• 3:28
  Speaker: over the years, and this has been millennials
• 3:31
  Speaker: as well as Gen Z.
• 3:33
  Speaker: And these individuals tend to get very apprehensive
• 3:40
  Speaker: when it comes to answering the phone and
• 3:42
  Speaker: dealing with phone calls.
• 3:43
  Speaker: And part of the position involves dealing with
• 3:46
  Speaker: phone calls.
• 3:47
  Speaker: Now, as mentioned in this article, there's a
• 3:52
  Speaker: lot of Gen Z that just feels like
• 3:55
  Speaker: phone calls are intrusive.
• 3:57
  Speaker: And what do you need to tell us
• 4:01
  Speaker: that can't be just done in a text
• 4:04
  Speaker: or on Snapchat?
• 4:09
  Speaker: However, when you think about the workplace, I
• 4:14
  Speaker: don't know.
• 4:15
  Speaker: Maybe I'm just living under a rock.
• 4:18
  Speaker: I don't know of any businesses that use
• 4:20
  Speaker: Snapchat as a form of communication with their
• 4:25
  Speaker: customers, aside from maybe Snapchat.
• 4:29
  Speaker: Think of it this way.
• 4:31
  Speaker: When you really want to get something accomplished,
• 4:36
  Speaker: do you send a chat message online and
• 4:42
  Speaker: wait for someone to get back to you?
• 4:46
  Speaker: Do you send a chat message online and
• 4:49
  Speaker: get stuck in that little robo cycle where
• 4:51
  Speaker: like the robot answers your questions and you
• 4:53
  Speaker: get really frustrated?
• 4:55
  Speaker: And then you find yourself going, I just
• 4:56
  Speaker: want to talk to a person.
• 4:59
  Speaker: And then you're not even sure if you
• 5:00
  Speaker: got a real person through the chat, or
• 5:02
  Speaker: you feel like, oh, I wish I could
• 5:04
  Speaker: just call you because this is crazy that
• 5:07
  Speaker: I've been explaining the same thing over and
• 5:08
  Speaker: over.
• 5:09
  Speaker: And you just keep sending me these links
• 5:10
  Speaker: that have nothing to do with what I'm
• 5:11
  Speaker: asking you about.
• 5:13
  Speaker: Or do you find yourself completely unable to
• 5:18
  Speaker: find the information that you need and some
• 5:20
  Speaker: online help menu for some website and you
• 5:22
  Speaker: just want to get things done.
• 5:24
  Speaker: And so you really just wish you could
• 5:27
  Speaker: call somebody and just get it resolved.
• 5:29
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 5:30
  Speaker: So when I have adults tell me, oh
• 5:37
  Speaker: yeah, she never answers her phone or, oh
• 5:43
  Speaker: yeah, he never replies to texts.
• 5:45
  Speaker: I have to ask myself, well, how does
• 5:50
  Speaker: that person plan on communicating with businesses that
• 5:56
  Speaker: are outside of their inner circle?
• 5:58
  Speaker: With people that are outside of their inner
• 6:01
  Speaker: circle?
• 6:02
  Speaker: Now you could say, oh, well just send
• 6:03
  Speaker: email.
• 6:04
  Speaker: And yes, people do this all the time.
• 6:06
  Speaker: And a lot of the times, the things
• 6:12
  Speaker: that take multiple days to be resolved via
• 6:13
  Speaker: email could have been resolved in a 20
• 6:16
  Speaker: minute phone call, if that, if that.
• 6:19
  Speaker: So here's the thing.
• 6:24
  Speaker: Businesses are always looking for ways in order
• 6:26
  Speaker: to save money.
• 6:27
  Speaker: If we could save money by, and that's
• 6:31
  Speaker: part of doing good business, by the way.
• 6:33
  Speaker: If you want for your business to continue
• 6:35
  Speaker: to generate an income so that you can
• 6:39
  Speaker: keep people employed and fed and help society
• 6:43
  Speaker: continue to move forward because a business contributes
• 6:47
  Speaker: something to society, it doesn't always have to
• 6:50
  Speaker: be money, by the way.
• 6:52
  Speaker: There are many businesses that operate simply by
• 6:56
  Speaker: bartering.
• 6:57
  Speaker: We create these goods and we need these
• 6:59
  Speaker: other goods.
• 7:00
  Speaker: And so let's go ahead and exchange ideas.
• 7:02
  Speaker: So please don't get into this whole like,
• 7:04
  Speaker: oh, well, it's all because of capitalism because
• 7:06
  Speaker: that's not it at all.
• 7:11
  Speaker: The idea of any society having endurance is
• 7:18
  Speaker: to make sure that the members of that
• 7:20
  Speaker: society have their needs met.
• 7:23
  Speaker: And their basic needs are food, clothes, water,
• 7:28
  Speaker: shelter, right?
• 7:29
  Speaker: Keep warm, keep food to keep the body
• 7:32
  Speaker: going and shelters so that way you are
• 7:36
  Speaker: protected from dangerous elements.
• 7:40
  Speaker: And then we get into the next level
• 7:41
  Speaker: of things like, you know, health care, some
• 7:45
  Speaker: kind of providing of health care and things
• 7:48
  Speaker: of that nature.
• 7:49
  Speaker: Now, with that being said, this article mentioned,
• 7:54
  Speaker: and I only mentioned this article because I
• 7:56
  Speaker: just found it rather interesting, but this article
• 7:58
  Speaker: really did support things that I had been
• 8:00
  Speaker: noticing outside of what was written.
• 8:02
  Speaker: So whatever you feel about the Sydney Herald
• 8:05
  Speaker: or if you work for the Sydney Herald,
• 8:07
  Speaker: don't get all twisted.
• 8:09
  Speaker: You can do your own Google search and
• 8:11
  Speaker: find similar articles out there, right?
• 8:15
  Speaker: One of the things this article mentioned is
• 8:17
  Speaker: this idea that people who are Gen Z
• 8:22
  Speaker: find phone calls intrusive.
• 8:24
  Speaker: And I'm going to say that that idea
• 8:27
  Speaker: possibly extends to some millennials as well, right?
• 8:30
  Speaker: Phone calls are intrusive.
• 8:32
  Speaker: How dare you call me and interrupt my
• 8:33
  Speaker: busy day when I'm busy doing these things.
• 8:36
  Speaker: But kind of like me saying, oh, I
• 8:38
  Speaker: got to make sure that my friends understand
• 8:40
  Speaker: that I want to talk to them and
• 8:42
  Speaker: that I'm not too busy for them.
• 8:45
  Speaker: So if I want to answer, I can
• 8:49
  Speaker: go on Snapchat and my friends are there
• 8:52
  Speaker: live online and I can just get an
• 8:53
  Speaker: answer right away.
• 8:55
  Speaker: Or I can send a text, get an
• 8:58
  Speaker: answer, you know, right away.
• 9:00
  Speaker: Here's the thing, Snapchat right away, text right
• 9:04
  Speaker: away, everything right away.
• 9:06
  Speaker: This all comes down to control.
• 9:09
  Speaker: It all comes down to control issues.
• 9:12
  Speaker: So the idea that we have to not
• 9:16
  Speaker: call people who are Gen Z or millennial
• 9:22
  Speaker: because they're not going to answer kind of
• 9:28
  Speaker: says to me, we, as in anyone that
• 9:33
  Speaker: doesn't identify as millennial or Gen Z, in
• 9:37
  Speaker: addition to, I guess in addition to people
• 9:40
  Speaker: who are millennial and Gen Z, should not
• 9:43
  Speaker: call other people because reduces the amount of
• 9:51
  Speaker: control they have over our interactions.
• 9:57
  Speaker: Now, one idea that was brought up in
• 9:59
  Speaker: this article was, well, you know, people use
• 10:01
  Speaker: emails to replace phone calls and whatnot.
• 10:06
  Speaker: And when you think about how emails have
• 10:08
  Speaker: replaced letters, that is also something to take
• 10:12
  Speaker: into consideration.
• 10:12
  Speaker: However, when I look at how emails have
• 10:15
  Speaker: replaced letters, that when we think about letters,
• 10:19
  Speaker: there was a point in time when the
• 10:21
  Speaker: only way to communicate was to write something
• 10:25
  Speaker: down on paper and have that message delivered.
• 10:32
  Speaker: Pigeon, postal service worker, person on a horse
• 10:37
  Speaker: riding across the country.
• 10:40
  Speaker: That just used to be the way to
• 10:41
  Speaker: deliver messages.
• 10:43
  Speaker: And then we got the invention of telephone,
• 10:45
  Speaker: right?
• 10:46
  Speaker: And so you could call on a wire,
• 10:52
  Speaker: send a telegram, right?
• 10:55
  Speaker: Please send this message to so-and-so.
• 10:59
  Speaker: Or you can go, I guess, what Western
• 11:00
  Speaker: Union used to go into a Western Union.
• 11:03
  Speaker: I say you, I've never done this.
• 11:05
  Speaker: Okay.
• 11:05
  Speaker: But back in the old days, people would
• 11:07
  Speaker: go into a Western Union and they would
• 11:10
  Speaker: send a telegram.
• 11:11
  Speaker: So they would say a message to someone
• 11:12
  Speaker: who would write it down.
• 11:14
  Speaker: And then they, that person would take that
• 11:15
  Speaker: little note.
• 11:16
  Speaker: They would go punch some keys on the
• 11:18
  Speaker: special little machine that would send signals across.
• 11:22
  Speaker: And then that person over there would copy
• 11:24
  Speaker: it on telegram.
• 11:24
  Speaker: Here's your message.
• 11:26
  Speaker: So yes, technology has changed to allow us
• 11:28
  Speaker: to communicate faster.
• 11:30
  Speaker: However, faster, more efficiently.
• 11:33
  Speaker: However, that does not mean that the ability
• 11:41
  Speaker: to communicate faster and more efficiently justifies the
• 11:46
  Speaker: desire to have greater control or the need
• 11:49
  Speaker: to have greater control over communication.
• 11:52
  Speaker: And so I feel like if we're not
• 11:54
  Speaker: allowed to communicate with others outside of their
• 12:00
  Speaker: preferred platforms, and if we allow for people
• 12:09
  Speaker: around us to say, it's okay.
• 12:15
  Speaker: It is okay to insist that people only
• 12:20
  Speaker: communicate with you and the methods of communication
• 12:24
  Speaker: in which you deem priority, then that just
• 12:27
  Speaker: kind of says like, A, you're going to
• 12:33
  Speaker: struggle with things that do not fall within
• 12:35
  Speaker: your control.
• 12:37
  Speaker: And B, you're not allowing yourself to have
• 12:45
  Speaker: new experiences.
• 12:48
  Speaker: So, you know, maybe you would get a
• 12:53
  Speaker: phone call from someone who is stranded.
• 12:59
  Speaker: Family member, friend, stranded.
• 13:01
  Speaker: They remembered your phone number, and they're reaching
• 13:05
  Speaker: out asking you for help, but you don't
• 13:07
  Speaker: answer your phone, right?
• 13:09
  Speaker: I had an intern who would not answer
• 13:15
  Speaker: the phone when I called her.
• 13:17
  Speaker: You know, I'd send a text message, call,
• 13:20
  Speaker: no answer, email, no answer.
• 13:22
  Speaker: And I did not call her first, by
• 13:23
  Speaker: the way.
• 13:24
  Speaker: I would always send, for internal communication, when
• 13:28
  Speaker: teamwork is supposed to be on the clock,
• 13:29
  Speaker: we would send Google Chat.
• 13:31
  Speaker: So I would send a chat message, no
• 13:32
  Speaker: answer.
• 13:32
  Speaker: I would send an email, no answer.
• 13:34
  Speaker: I'd send a text message, like, where is
• 13:36
  Speaker: this person?
• 13:37
  Speaker: And keep in mind, this is for remote
• 13:38
  Speaker: working.
• 13:39
  Speaker: So if we were in the same office,
• 13:40
  Speaker: I could just stop by their desk or
• 13:41
  Speaker: something, but this was not the case.
• 13:42
  Speaker: It was remote working.
• 13:44
  Speaker: Phone call, no answer.
• 13:48
  Speaker: Send another text, basically saying, haven't heard from
• 13:52
  Speaker: you, and I guess you're not working today,
• 13:55
  Speaker: so you're not getting paid.
• 13:56
  Speaker: Immediate phone calls.
• 13:57
  Speaker: Immediate phone calls back.
• 14:01
  Speaker: Immediate texts back.
• 14:04
  Speaker: And mind you, when I did wind up
• 14:05
  Speaker: dismissing this person, oh my goodness, so many
• 14:10
  Speaker: back-to-back phone calls.
• 14:11
  Speaker: Actually, I couldn't answer because I was teaching.
• 14:14
  Speaker: I was in a session.
• 14:15
  Speaker: I don't have time to deal with this.
• 14:17
  Speaker: So this person operated with the understanding that
• 14:21
  Speaker: they didn't have to answer the phone or
• 14:23
  Speaker: any kind of messages when I reached out,
• 14:26
  Speaker: but when they had a question or a
• 14:29
  Speaker: concern or a comment, they expected me to
• 14:33
  Speaker: respond right away.
• 14:35
  Speaker: And when I didn't, those messages got nasty.
• 14:38
  Speaker: It was crazy.
• 14:40
  Speaker: But earlier in the relationship, when it was
• 14:44
  Speaker: just simply, hey, starting a job, I got
• 14:49
  Speaker: several messages about timesheets and payroll, and my
• 14:56
  Speaker: information to this person was, okay, so tomorrow,
• 15:01
  Speaker: call the department that handles those things because
• 15:04
  Speaker: I can't help you.
• 15:06
  Speaker: And 7 o'clock at night, right?
• 15:10
  Speaker: It's past quitting time, my friend.
• 15:12
  Speaker: So tomorrow morning, you go ahead and call
• 15:14
  Speaker: those things.
• 15:15
  Speaker: The documents aren't even due right away anyway,
• 15:18
  Speaker: and you'll be fine.
• 15:20
  Speaker: Just still more emails, more text messages.
• 15:25
  Speaker: Reach out to your colleague.
• 15:28
  Speaker: They might have some information.
• 15:30
  Speaker: They haven't gotten back to me yet.
• 15:31
  Speaker: It's just kind of like, well, guess what?
• 15:34
  Speaker: They have a life too.
• 15:36
  Speaker: So just because you want something right away,
• 15:39
  Speaker: just because you want an answer right away
• 15:41
  Speaker: doesn't mean, doesn't mean you're going to get
• 15:44
  Speaker: it right away.
• 15:45
  Speaker: And so while that person was young and
• 15:47
  Speaker: learning, that being said, I have noticed the
• 15:53
  Speaker: tendency to avoid phone calls, to not respond
• 15:58
  Speaker: to text messages, to be something that seems
• 16:02
  Speaker: to be quite common for people of a
• 16:06
  Speaker: certain age group per se.
• 16:09
  Speaker: Now, with that being said, one can definitely
• 16:13
  Speaker: feel like text messages can go on forever,
• 16:15
  Speaker: but when you think about phone calls, emails,
• 16:20
  Speaker: everything kind of has a natural stopping point.
• 16:22
  Speaker: You create a natural stopping point.
• 16:24
  Speaker: You just, when you feel like the conversation's
• 16:26
  Speaker: done, you can always choose to let the
• 16:34
  Speaker: other party know that the conversation's done.
• 16:38
  Speaker: It's not necessary that that's going to hurt
• 16:41
  Speaker: anyone's feelings.
• 16:44
  Speaker: Most people don't want for a conversation to
• 16:47
  Speaker: go on and on and on.
• 16:49
  Speaker: Now, there are group chats that seem to
• 16:51
  Speaker: go on and on, and I remember speaking
• 16:54
  Speaker: to a family member about this, this idea
• 16:56
  Speaker: that this group chat just kind of kept
• 16:58
  Speaker: going, to which I just said, well, why
• 17:03
  Speaker: don't you just remove yourself from the group
• 17:09
  Speaker: or ask them to take you off the
• 17:13
  Speaker: list?
• 17:14
  Speaker: Right?
• 17:15
  Speaker: So this leads to another part of avoidance
• 17:19
  Speaker: behavior, and that, this, this actually is not
• 17:22
  Speaker: something that I feel is more applicable to
• 17:25
  Speaker: Gen Z and millennial.
• 17:26
  Speaker: This goes all across the board, which is,
• 17:29
  Speaker: why are people so afraid to have honest
• 17:34
  Speaker: communication with their loved ones?
• 17:38
  Speaker: Okay.
• 17:39
  Speaker: Honest communication with strangers is also an issue,
• 17:42
  Speaker: but why not tell your loved ones what
• 17:48
  Speaker: they need to hear?
• 17:49
  Speaker: Because they used to be the same, right?
• 17:51
  Speaker: If your friends can't tell you, then who
• 17:54
  Speaker: can?
• 17:55
  Speaker: Right?
• 17:57
  Speaker: So hear me out, people, hear me out.
• 18:00
  Speaker: Let's say, oh, the old scenario of gal
• 18:09
  Speaker: tries on a dress and turns to her
• 18:11
  Speaker: partner and says, do I look fat in
• 18:13
  Speaker: this?
• 18:13
  Speaker: And he's just like, uh, yeah, you look
• 18:20
  Speaker: great.
• 18:20
  Speaker: Right?
• 18:22
  Speaker: I know we, we have this thing in
• 18:24
  Speaker: American society, at least where men are supposed
• 18:27
  Speaker: to say you look great.
• 18:28
  Speaker: Now your best friend, your girlfriend, she's supposed
• 18:33
  Speaker: to be like, oh, you know, that's so
• 18:36
  Speaker: cute.
• 18:37
  Speaker: And if she's nice, like if she's a
• 18:39
  Speaker: true friend, she might be like, um, you
• 18:41
  Speaker: know what?
• 18:42
  Speaker: I think you should try this other one.
• 18:45
  Speaker: We're not going to address the fact whether
• 18:46
  Speaker: or not you look fat, just be like,
• 18:48
  Speaker: oh, you know what?
• 18:49
  Speaker: I think this other one might be better.
• 18:52
  Speaker: Why don't you give that one to a
• 18:53
  Speaker: trier?
• 18:54
  Speaker: Uh, I'm not really feeling that color though.
• 18:56
  Speaker: Why don't you give that a try?
• 18:57
  Speaker: You don't address the fat question.
• 19:00
  Speaker: Cause that's just, that's just going for disaster
• 19:03
  Speaker: zone.
• 19:04
  Speaker: Now, um, it honestly doesn't matter who you
• 19:10
  Speaker: are and who you date or anything like
• 19:12
  Speaker: that.
• 19:12
  Speaker: I just gave those as examples, right?
• 19:14
  Speaker: So I myself will freak out when I
• 19:20
  Speaker: have to deliver bad news to someone, oh
• 19:23
  Speaker: gosh, I don't want to tell them.
• 19:25
  Speaker: Uh, I get like all nervous and sweaty
• 19:27
  Speaker: and all these things.
• 19:28
  Speaker: And when I was a kid, when I
• 19:30
  Speaker: thought I was going to get in trouble,
• 19:31
  Speaker: I would just be crying.
• 19:35
  Speaker: What is, okay.
• 19:37
  Speaker: I was going to leave.
• 19:38
  Speaker: I was punishing myself so much.
• 19:40
  Speaker: And she was like, oh, I don't even
• 19:41
  Speaker: need to punish that child because she is
• 19:43
  Speaker: just having a fit over there.
• 19:44
  Speaker: And it wasn't planned.
• 19:46
  Speaker: I wasn't like, I gotta get in trouble.
• 19:49
  Speaker: Right?
• 19:49
  Speaker: Like I really just was so bummed out.
• 19:53
  Speaker: And as an adult, um, I feel like
• 19:59
  Speaker: my relationship with delivering bad news has changed.
• 20:04
  Speaker: Uh, I definitely feel like it was a
• 20:06
  Speaker: lot easier for me to deliver bad news.
• 20:09
  Speaker: And then recently it's kind of been like,
• 20:11
  Speaker: oh, I just really regret doing this.
• 20:14
  Speaker: And I had to remind myself to go
• 20:16
  Speaker: back to doing something that really has helped
• 20:21
  Speaker: me separate the emotion from delivering bad news,
• 20:24
  Speaker: which is to have a checklist of what
• 20:27
  Speaker: qualifications need to be met, what standards need
• 20:30
  Speaker: to be met, what policies are in place.
• 20:32
  Speaker: And so that way, if I have to
• 20:33
  Speaker: make a tough decision, I can look at
• 20:35
  Speaker: my list and go boom, boom, boom.
• 20:37
  Speaker: Yep.
• 20:37
  Speaker: According to this list, this objective list, it
• 20:42
  Speaker: is clear that I need to make X
• 20:44
  Speaker: decision.
• 20:46
  Speaker: Um, my, my mom mentioned something about six
• 20:48
  Speaker: sigma and I guess part of six sigma
• 20:50
  Speaker: is that one, um, creates various scenarios.
• 20:55
  Speaker: If I do X, then what will happen?
• 20:58
  Speaker: If I do Y, then what will happen?
• 21:01
  Speaker: And then once you've mapped out all the
• 21:02
  Speaker: possibilities and you go with the best one,
• 21:05
  Speaker: um, now for me, I would say that
• 21:11
  Speaker: when it comes to delivering bad news to
• 21:14
  Speaker: family members, instead of a checklist, I like
• 21:18
  Speaker: to think of it as what would I
• 21:22
  Speaker: want and how would I react?
• 21:24
  Speaker: And so I recommend this to you.
• 21:28
  Speaker: Um, now if you found yourself being faced
• 21:35
  Speaker: with say, um, your friend is dating someone
• 21:42
  Speaker: and they're madly in love and you think
• 21:46
  Speaker: that person is such a creeper and you
• 21:49
  Speaker: kind of don't want to tell your bestie
• 21:51
  Speaker: that this person is such a creeper.
• 21:54
  Speaker: Um, instead of just being like, Ooh, that
• 21:58
  Speaker: person you're dating, they are a creeper.
• 22:00
  Speaker: You need to just keep it moving.
• 22:02
  Speaker: You could do better.
• 22:04
  Speaker: Um, one thing, because how would you feel,
• 22:08
  Speaker: right?
• 22:09
  Speaker: If someone said that to you, I mean,
• 22:11
  Speaker: I have things that I want to say
• 22:13
  Speaker: to people in my world where I'm like,
• 22:17
  Speaker: Ooh, but you know, Ray, how would you
• 22:19
  Speaker: feel if someone said that to you?
• 22:22
  Speaker: And I feel like, Ooh, I wouldn't really
• 22:24
  Speaker: listen to them.
• 22:26
  Speaker: I would defense this up and be like,
• 22:28
  Speaker: wow, how would you say that?
• 22:30
  Speaker: Like, who are you to judge and pass
• 22:32
  Speaker: judgment?
• 22:33
  Speaker: And so when we're giving honest, honest feedback,
• 22:36
  Speaker: I want to say advice, honest feedback, honest
• 22:39
  Speaker: information.
• 22:41
  Speaker: It is not necessarily that that, um, should
• 22:47
  Speaker: come from or is coming from a place
• 22:49
  Speaker: of judgment.
• 22:51
  Speaker: So, um, dating this person, it's not, you
• 22:58
  Speaker: don't feel that it's a good match between
• 23:01
  Speaker: the two of them.
• 23:03
  Speaker: Asking something like, um, I'm so glad that
• 23:08
  Speaker: I got to meet your new partner.
• 23:10
  Speaker: Tell me, what is it that you like
• 23:13
  Speaker: the best about being with them?
• 23:15
  Speaker: Or how did they make you feel and
• 23:18
  Speaker: finding out more information about that interaction?
• 23:22
  Speaker: Why is this their choice?
• 23:23
  Speaker: Or, you know, um, Oh, what do you
• 23:27
  Speaker: think of my new dress?
• 23:29
  Speaker: Oh, wow.
• 23:31
  Speaker: You, you, Oh, wow.
• 23:33
  Speaker: You're, you have a new dress.
• 23:34
  Speaker: That is so cool.
• 23:36
  Speaker: What do you love about it?
• 23:38
  Speaker: What is your favorite thing about this dress?
• 23:40
  Speaker: Oh, you went shopping and you went shopping
• 23:43
  Speaker: without me.
• 23:44
  Speaker: Okay.
• 23:44
  Speaker: So tell me what is your favorite thing
• 23:46
  Speaker: about this dress?
• 23:48
  Speaker: Or do you think I should wear this
• 23:49
  Speaker: to so-and-so's party?
• 23:52
  Speaker: Okay.
• 23:53
  Speaker: Well, Oh, I think it's cute.
• 23:57
  Speaker: What is it that, what kind of feeling
• 24:01
  Speaker: are you going for?
• 24:02
  Speaker: Right.
• 24:02
  Speaker: Finding out more information.
• 24:04
  Speaker: Right.
• 24:04
  Speaker: Um, now I just realized I gave a
• 24:07
  Speaker: whole bunch of examples that may have seemed
• 24:09
  Speaker: to have applied to just the world of
• 24:11
  Speaker: females.
• 24:12
  Speaker: And so, Oh no.
• 24:14
  Speaker: Au contraire.
• 24:16
  Speaker: Let's mix it up a little bit.
• 24:18
  Speaker: So let's say that, um, one has to
• 24:23
  Speaker: deliver bad news.
• 24:26
  Speaker: Um, dude, what do you think of my
• 24:29
  Speaker: haircut?
• 24:31
  Speaker: You're thinking, Oh my gosh, you look like
• 24:34
  Speaker: you've been attacked by a Flowbee.
• 24:37
  Speaker: A Flowbee, if you don't know, used to
• 24:39
  Speaker: be this gadget that you stuck on the
• 24:41
  Speaker: end of a vacuum cleaner and it cut
• 24:44
  Speaker: the hair and suck the hair up.
• 24:47
  Speaker: Uh, the commercials were fascinating.
• 24:50
  Speaker: But anyway, um, so instead of being like,
• 24:56
  Speaker: Yo, that haircut's like crazy.
• 24:58
  Speaker: Oh, well, you got a new haircut.
• 25:00
  Speaker: Did you go to someone new?
• 25:02
  Speaker: Right.
• 25:03
  Speaker: I didn't answer the question right away.
• 25:05
  Speaker: I want to find out a little bit
• 25:06
  Speaker: more information.
• 25:07
  Speaker: You know, do you like the haircut?
• 25:11
  Speaker: Probably wouldn't just turn around and say like
• 25:13
  Speaker: that, but I want to find all the
• 25:14
  Speaker: information, just kind of find out like, do
• 25:16
  Speaker: they even like this?
• 25:18
  Speaker: Does it, what are they really asking me?
• 25:20
  Speaker: Are they really, are they asking me if
• 25:21
  Speaker: I like something because they want to know
• 25:24
  Speaker: my tastes or are they asking if I
• 25:26
  Speaker: approve of the decision they made?
• 25:28
  Speaker: Aha.
• 25:29
  Speaker: And so if you find yourself in a
• 25:32
  Speaker: position where you are dreading telling someone something
• 25:37
  Speaker: they may need to hear, but may not
• 25:40
  Speaker: want to hear.
• 25:41
  Speaker: Right.
• 25:42
  Speaker: If you find yourself in a situation when
• 25:44
  Speaker: you are dreading all sweaty palms, trying to
• 25:48
  Speaker: figure out what your friend wants to hear,
• 25:51
  Speaker: when they ask you a question about something
• 25:53
  Speaker: or someone, if you find yourself dreading, not
• 26:00
  Speaker: answering the phone or dreading, I should say
• 26:03
  Speaker: answering the phone, right?
• 26:06
  Speaker: Who's calling me?
• 26:07
  Speaker: Why are you calling me?
• 26:08
  Speaker: What's going on?
• 26:09
  Speaker: Why can't I control this?
• 26:10
  Speaker: Just take a breath, take a pause and
• 26:13
  Speaker: ask yourself, what would I want?
• 26:18
  Speaker: And what will get me closer to the
• 26:25
  Speaker: objective?
• 26:26
  Speaker: In the case of that interaction with the
• 26:29
  Speaker: friend, what would I want to hear?
• 26:35
  Speaker: How can I be truthful to my friends
• 26:38
  Speaker: and support them?
• 26:40
  Speaker: And what is it they're really asking me?
• 26:42
  Speaker: In the case of the delivering of bad
• 26:47
  Speaker: news to someone maybe that you're not close
• 26:48
  Speaker: to, what would I want?
• 26:55
  Speaker: What do I need to communicate clearly?
• 26:58
  Speaker: What do they deserve?
• 27:00
  Speaker: Right.
• 27:02
  Speaker: Do they deserve for me to just not
• 27:04
  Speaker: respond or do they deserve some sort of
• 27:08
  Speaker: response?
• 27:09
  Speaker: Right.
• 27:12
  Speaker: And in the case of the phone, from
• 27:16
  Speaker: the mysterious number, right?
• 27:18
  Speaker: Like, come on, you got caller ID, so
• 27:21
  Speaker: you can see if it's mom or grandma.
• 27:22
  Speaker: If it says mom or grandma, you are
• 27:24
  Speaker: not answering your phone.
• 27:25
  Speaker: Shame on you.
• 27:30
  Speaker: Okay.
• 27:30
  Speaker: So, if you were dreading answering the phone
• 27:35
  Speaker: and you just thought, I'm freaking out.
• 27:39
  Speaker: What would I want?
• 27:41
  Speaker: Well, I would want for now nobody to
• 27:43
  Speaker: call me because I'm busy and I got
• 27:44
  Speaker: all these things to do.
• 27:45
  Speaker: Or I just, I don't even, I'm not
• 27:47
  Speaker: even busy.
• 27:47
  Speaker: I just don't want people to call me.
• 27:51
  Speaker: What would my answering the phone or not
• 27:58
  Speaker: answering the phone?
• 27:59
  Speaker: What does that get me?
• 28:02
  Speaker: Does it get my phone to stop ringing?
• 28:05
  Speaker: Does it get repeated calls?
• 28:09
  Speaker: I challenge you, next time your phone rings,
• 28:16
  Speaker: just pick it up.
• 28:18
  Speaker: If it's a robot, block the number.
• 28:21
  Speaker: If it's a sales call, no thank you.
• 28:25
  Speaker: The power of saying no is not exercise
• 28:28
  Speaker: enough, my friends, and you should really embrace
• 28:30
  Speaker: it.
• 28:30
  Speaker: And a great way to practice saying no
• 28:33
  Speaker: is to a sales call.
• 28:37
  Speaker: Hi, is Mr. No, no.
• 28:41
  Speaker: Would you like, no, no.
• 28:44
  Speaker: You don't need to cuss anybody out.
• 28:47
  Speaker: You can just do any of that.
• 28:49
  Speaker: Just no and no thank you.
• 28:53
  Speaker: Please remove me from your list.
• 28:54
  Speaker: That is it.
• 28:56
  Speaker: Now, I know there's reports that we're going
• 28:58
  Speaker: to record your voice and then they're going
• 29:00
  Speaker: to put the compilation together and use it
• 29:03
  Speaker: to access your bank account, take all of
• 29:05
  Speaker: your money, and then they're going to send
• 29:07
  Speaker: all the money to the Cayman Islands.
• 29:11
  Speaker: Well, if all you said was no or
• 29:14
  Speaker: no thank you, you ain't got much to
• 29:17
  Speaker: worry about there, okay?
• 29:20
  Speaker: So instead of freaking out going to all
• 29:24
  Speaker: these conspiracy theories, just keep it real, okay?
• 29:29
  Speaker: Oh my goodness.
• 29:31
  Speaker: Stop avoiding things.
• 29:34
  Speaker: Just because you can't control it doesn't make
• 29:38
  Speaker: it bad.
• 29:39
  Speaker: It's part of life.
• 29:40
  Speaker: You can't control everything in life, right?
• 29:43
  Speaker: You can, look, you can have all the
• 29:47
  Speaker: money in the world, be super healthy, go
• 29:50
  Speaker: to all the specialists, all the doctors, have
• 29:52
  Speaker: 20 coaches, and have your day mapped out
• 29:57
  Speaker: to a T.
• 29:57
  Speaker: You know exactly what you're doing.