Latest / The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa / Rebuilding Through Divorce, Perimenopause, And Motherhood FT. Midlife Uncorkd's Felicia

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Rebuilding Through Divorce, Perimenopause, And Motherhood FT. Midlife Uncorkd's Felicia · The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Inner Beacon.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I am your host, Larissa.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a Canadian girl mama of two, business owner, flight attendant, and a certified self-love coach.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: You are in the right place if you are ready to lead your life from within.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: To reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself deeply, and reclaim your power.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: My goal and intention here is to inspire and empower you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: So let's dive into today's episode.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: So today's conversation is one I think so many women are going to resonate with because we're talking about identity shifts, learning to trust ourselves through major life transitions, and what it really means to work with ourselves instead of constantly fighting against who we are and the season that we're in.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: So joining me today is Felicia, founder of the Midlife Uncork.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Through her own journey, navigating divorce, single motherhood, hormonal changes, and rebuilding her life, she's become passionate about helping women understand their changing, their changing bodies while building confidence, strength, and self-trust along the way.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, Felicia, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to start with you sharing a little bit about yourself and what led you to create Midlife on Corked.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Super excited to chat today.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Midlife Uncorked was actually born from one of the biggest transitions in my own life.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: 39, I found myself going through a divorce.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Within that same week, the world shut down and there was a pandemic overnight.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly, life looked completely different.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was a stay-at-home mom and kid and teacher to three kids, like many of us became very quickly.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We adapted.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was raising three kids on my own, five days a week, including my oldest with autism, my middle one with ADHD.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I was carrying a tremendous amount of responsibility, trying to hold it all together for everyone else.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, I think I didn't really realize that I was just at the beginning stages of perimenopause.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I could feel some shifts, didn't really know what was happening.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I fully understood at that time what it was.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: For me, what made that season so challenging wasn't just my circumstances, but it felt like I was changing too.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was trying to understand what was happening, trying to find myself again.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: My body was changing, my identity was changing, my life was changing.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And for a long time, I really focused on taking care of everyone else.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But eventually I realized that I needed to be here for my children for years to come.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to be strong, I needed to be present, and so I knew the only way I could do that was taking care of myself too.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that decision led me to hiring a trainer for myself.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to challenge myself and really I just wanted to become stronger.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't chasing a number, I wasn't chasing smaller sizes, although that all comes with the territory.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I was after.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to be healthy and strong.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to invest in my physical health.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted a renew, a renewed sense of confidence, resilience, and I wanted to trust in myself.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was really on my own at that point.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, that's what led me to starting midlife on Cork.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can't, I feel like the first question that I had here, kind of you kind of already dug in a little bit into, but I like it was what was happening in your life that ultimately led you to create.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: But you you've had if you want to expand, you can, but I feel like you just answered that.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can give you when it actually came to the business part.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So everything that I just explained kind of led me to the point where I thought I needed a shift for myself because I felt my body shifting.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I needed something different.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to get healthy.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: What actually led to the business part of it was I had hired a trainer who was excellent.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: She was really great at what she did.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: What took me a while to figure out was I couldn't understand why my body wasn't responding the way it used to.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that many of her clients were 20-something-year-old women who were chasing workouts every day and wanted abs.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's great.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's great for what they wanted, but that's not what I needed, and that's not how my body responded.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think the business aspect was born from my own frustrations.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I figured if somebody can't train me, I need to learn myself.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I started doing all the courses on personal training and menopause and trying to find answers for me.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually so beautiful, honestly.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And like I understand that having from my own hormonal situations and like trying to figure out how we're all so different.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so it's so important to listen to your body and listen to those.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And like, and you did that, you inquired, like asking the right questions.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like, I know that the divorce also played a role in in how you prioritized yourself differently in that season.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: What did that look like for you?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so from the outside, I probably looked like I was managing, but internally I was feeling the weight of everything.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: There was a huge mental load of parenting, navigating a new chapter, trying to support my own mental health, my kids, and really trying to put them all first.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't falling apart.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was like many just surviving in that season, but I wasn't thriving.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And surviving and thriving are so different.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I did the best that I could do through those, through the through the biggest challenges in the beginning when the split first happened.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I moved into this era of just trying to find answers for me and trying to work exactly like you said, trying to work with the body that I have today, not the 20-year-old version of me, things started to shift for me.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I really started to feel a lot different.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I started to give myself a little bit more grace, a little bit more understanding, not excuses or not doing the work, but just really understanding that our bodies aren't what they were before, and we just need to really work and adapt with the bodies that we have today, and that's okay.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: This 45-year-old version of me is not broken, it's just different.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Was there a moment where you realize that the old ways of doing things simply just wasn't going to work anymore?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: 100%, yes.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a lot of what I speak to my clients about.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's that it's this mentality that when something got hard, I would push harder.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's probably a younger belief system that we had, like, oh, it's not working.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Push harder, try harder, do it again.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't work.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was working harder, I gave more, I carried more, but eventually I reached a point where more effort wasn't actually solving the problem.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't outwork exhaustion.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't outdiscipline stress.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't ignore the changes that were happening in my body.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the moment that I realized I needed a different approach.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And through that, like we said, was born midlife uncorked where I realized if I needed a new approach, women in midlife were probably struggling the same way.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And thinking that, like those, you know, those aerobics videos from the 80s and 90s would be their solution.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And while there was nothing wrong with that era, it just doesn't always work with who we are today.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so we need to take that and adapt.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: For sure, for sure, and find joy in what that looks like for us to continue it.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: One thing that you said that really stood out to me was learning to work with your body instead of fighting against it.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think so many, so many women are doing that in in different ways or areas in their lives, not just with their bodies.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, what does it actually mean to work with yourself instead of against yourself?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, it meant replacing judgment with curiosity.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of asking what's wrong with me, why won't my body respond?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: I started asking, okay, well, if that isn't working, then what do I need?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: What does this version of me need?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: What does this body need?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And not many people do that.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: It needs something.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it might just not be what worked before.
• 8:44
  unknown: Yeah.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so many women spend years fighting their bodies, fighting their circumstances, fighting the season of life that they're in.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so working with myself, like listening to myself really was how I worked with myself.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just listening, trusting.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, from a fitness perspective, I think the hardest thing to ever do is we live in an era where everybody wants a really quick fix.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is we need the long journey.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're trying to make changes in our body, in our mind for the long term, right?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So the long haul.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to take baby steps, but really just trust ourselves along the way and put in the work.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like take the time.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if it takes time.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can't just put a band-aid on it.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a long-term thing.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think so many women find themselves in a battle with who they are or the season that they're currently in?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think, at least for me, I know that consistency, like I was taught that consistency means staying the same, right?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Stay consistent, do the same thing all the time, don't deviate.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But life doesn't work that way.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: We've learned that now, right?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're learning.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: We grow, we evolve, our bodies change, our priorities change.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yet so many women spend years trying to get back who they used to be instead of getting curious about who they're becoming.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this next chapter, for many of us in midlife, can actually be really beautiful.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a time of change and transformation.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: If more women would pause and really realize what their body has brought them to this point and what we still have left, they might have a different perspective on how they view themselves.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of being hard on ourselves, give ourselves grace and really appreciate what our bodies do.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: So on the inner beacon, we talk a lot about self-trust.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's a huge theme.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: How has learning to trust yourself changed your life?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So this is still a work in progress for me, like many, but I work on it constantly.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Trusting yourself really has changed a lot for me.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: For a long time, I looked outside of myself for answers.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to the noise around me, you know, family, friends, pressure, society.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I guess I wanted growing up, I guess I wanted reassurance from the outside world that I was making the right decisions.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I've really learned that trusting myself, I actually knew what I needed.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I know what's right for me.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's nobody that knows my body better than me.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's nobody that can tell me they can make recommendations, but nobody can tell me what's best.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody is different.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: All of our circumstances are so different.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So really trusting myself, I guess I stopped assuming that everybody else knew what was better for me.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And really, I'm trying very hard to just block out the noise and focus and just keep my head down and do what works for me.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: What works for me isn't going to work for everybody else.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: We all have our own paths.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's huge.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's a really big uh realization, I guess.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it kind of like ties this.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: So the next question I had for you was what role did self-trust play during some of your most difficult transitions that we've spoken about?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I really think that trusting myself has become the anchor.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I, you know, being a single mom who raises three kids alone five days a week and carries the load of everything they do during the week, every single activity, every appointment, and every like I have kids with special needs.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So every every single thing I do is me.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to become the best version of me in order to care for them and to keep myself afloat.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: So really trusting myself has had to become my anchor.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that self-trust isn't believing that everything will work out perfectly, but just trusting that I know the best for for me, for my family in that moment.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's believing it's believing that you'll be able to always handle whatever comes next.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is, even the tough days, I I've survived 100% of my worst days.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there were days that I didn't know how I was gonna make it through.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how I was gonna raise three kids alone with no job and a pandemic.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I did, and I'm here.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really think that you do have to trust yourself and that you know what's best.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: We have to figure it out, even when we think it's impossible.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: For the women, exactly.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we do we do, we have to.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for the woman listening who constantly second guesses herself, where would you encourage her to begin?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I would say start with the smallest promises to yourself.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Something I encounter often with women and clients is everybody wants to change overnight, right?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: We all we all want to be fit and young and healthy, and we want to be a version of like a very young memory of who we were.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but be present in the body you're in today and make small promises, make small changes, not the big dramatic ones.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's I tell my clients all the time, it's every small habit, every change, every small one every day that creates the habit that eventually changes that leads to change.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: So something small.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can't work out today, take a walk.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can get a workout in today, but you're worried that it's not gonna be the full 60 minutes.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: 20 minutes is better than no workout.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, drink water, eat a little bit of protein at every meal.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, small things, go to bed.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: When you said you were gonna go to bed, right?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I once read this quote that essentially said, if you if you wouldn't get up early in the morning to do it, don't stay up late at night to do it.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if you wouldn't wake up tomorrow morning to binge watch your show, don't ruin your sleep tonight for it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Small habits, right?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to conquer the mountain.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: It really is every tiny better habit that will make the change in the long run.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: They really do stack and snowball.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So small, take small steps.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Self-trust is built through consistency, not perfection.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: And when you feel like you don't do, I think it was Mel Robbins that said the five-second rule, or if you don't feel like getting up, count down from five and just get up and do it.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: So five, four, three, two, one, up, go.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's often so many times where we feel like we're not doing it, but just get it done.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think mind mindset and mind shift around I encounter a lot of women who really feel defeated in thinking that they need to change everything all at once.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it needs to be big and monumental, but it really doesn't like I like I said previously, if you do little things and you do them consistently, that will amount to change.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have a workout today and nothing for four weeks, yeah, and in between you could have done maybe 20 minutes three days a week.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, those 20 minutes three times a week will get you a lot further in the end.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's the small it's just about starting small, exactly.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: And one another thing that we talk about often is identity and becoming.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Was there a version of yourself you had to let go of in order to become who you are today?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, yes.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this is I'm sure that when my friends listen to this, they they will say, You're still working on this.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that we bug you about all the time.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have a really great village of girls who support me and have been there forever.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing I've really had to learn is to let go of the version of myself who believe that strength came from carrying everything alone.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: My friends constantly remind me that I don't have to do it alone.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if I need help, I need to reach out because guess what?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I wore independence like a badge of honor.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had to learn that sometimes I just can't.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I really just have to reach out.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I've learned that real strength means asking for the support, asking for help, accepting help, which is really hard for me, and recognizing that you really don't have to do everything yourself.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you have those people around you that are willing to support you through anything, that will show up, that will take your kids for a walk when you need a breather, that will have that chat with them when you can't, who will show up for you when you've had a tough day, whatever that might look like, take it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because we we really all need each other.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's beautiful.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think people don't talk about enough when it comes to reinvention and personal growth?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think they don't talk enough about the in-between.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we love to celebrate transformation, which is beautiful, but they really talk about the messy middle.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: The period where you're no longer who you were, you're not quite sure who you're becoming, and that uncertainty can feel really uncomfortable in the middle.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: We just don't, it's hard to let go of who we were and try to look at who we're becoming, and that's not a perfect path for anyone.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, life isn't a perfect path, no, but it's really hard.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that transformation, though, is really where that growth happens, right?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is that messy in between.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was sure I had my life figured out and this divorce happened, and I had to reinvent myself.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I th and it was hard.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've been a mom and a wife for so long that I thought, like, who am I in all of this?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am, I will forever be a mom and I will I will wear that badge forever.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's probably the greatest accomplishment I've ever had.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: But what does that look like for me in between?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who am I becoming?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I headed?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And some days I still don't know.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you still don't know if you have it right.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: You do the best that you can do.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: You figure out the messy parts.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I mean, I left, I had no job, I had three kids, I needed a path, I needed to figure out a pandemic, I needed to figure out where am I gonna live next?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: How am I gonna support these kids?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every day you wake up and you think, like, I have the opportunity to make that change.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can find a solution.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we are really we're lucky for that.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think so many people discount how blessed we really are to wake up each morning and have the opportunity to do it all over again and maybe do better than we did yesterday.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that I am learning and I'm working really hard on is to try to just find that path forward.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the in-between.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: It really is the in-between that we just don't talk about.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about, like I could say today, like, oh, I went through all this hard stuff and look at me today.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the path that got me here, that really is the story.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said that recently, is like the difference between you and the person that you're inspired in, and that's so like, oh my God, I want to be just like them.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: We don't see the in the middle of how they got there, the amount of failures, the amount of you know, questionable, like, oh my God, can I really do this?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: And as an entrepreneur, like we really, really do entrepreneur, mom, all of it.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: We we can lose our identity if we don't keep moving, threading the needle and and pushing to get there.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: But you're right, people don't see the the messy, the hard.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: They just like you said, to the outside, you made it looked like you were all together, but there was things there.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the fact that you were willing to do the work, that that is the biggest thing.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Was there any grief in letting go of that old version of yourself?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that version of me carried me through a lot.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she got me here, right?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we said is like that messy in between story got me to where I am today.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And in 10 years from now, I'll look back and think this got me to there.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, she got me to this point.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, there's grief and letting go, uh letting go of old expectations and beliefs that we had, things that were instilled in.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Us.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: But there's also gratitude.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we all have our story of, you know, baggage that we bring or trauma or whatever that might look like.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: It might be relationships, it might be family dynamics, whatever that might look like.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is there are still moments that I can find gratitude for in that because there's lessons.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many things that I've learned along the way.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: So many things I've learned that I don't want to be as a mom, or I don't want to put on my kids, or I don't want to be for myself.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I work every single day to try to change those things.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm working really hard to not look back at those versions of me with judgment, but to try to find, I think that there is silver lining.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, even in some of the worst things that happened to us, I do think that there is a lesson and some gratitude to take from it.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Rejection is redirection, I always say.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that's a great line.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, is everything that happened led you exactly here.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you have a great perspective on life in general, and which is great, because you've obviously built something really strong from that.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: You also you talk a lot about consistency over perfection.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think so many women struggle with perfectionism?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think maybe for me personally, I think perfectionism often gets disguised as discipline.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: They believe, like, if they've done it a certain way, or they like we talked before, if they are consistent and they stay the course and they're disciplined and they do things all the time, that's the right way to do it.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that creates perfectionism.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Perfectionism for me is a huge problem and something that I've worked a lot on in letting go of the idea that it doesn't, it actually doesn't have to be perfect.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's pressure for women, it's a lot of pressure learning to give yourself grace without lowering your standards, right?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking that if you do less, that's not good enough.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: It like I said, I have a friend, one of my best friends has the most beautiful tattoo that says perfectly imperfect.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, ever since she got that, I think I think about it almost daily when I do things, I'm thinking, you know what?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: It may be everything doesn't have to be.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be perfect.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: And in especially I've learned in business that perfectionism can actually kill your business because if you wait for every single moment to be perfect, I may have never launched my business.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: I may have thought my logo isn't good enough, or my, you know, I didn't write enough material, or it's what if they think this.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality is if you don't try, you don't know.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really trying hard every day to live.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I can be completely perfectly imperfect, but to let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect and to just try, just do your best, move forward, tweak as you go.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's it's it's pressure.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Women just feel that pressure to have it all right all the time.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And now for me, it's starting to become a little bit more about creating standards that are sustainable and compassionate to where I am.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Things my situation has changed, you know, our lives change.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: They ebb and flow as we go.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we think we have it figured out, and tomorrow life throws something different at us.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it actually can't be perfect.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's true.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that was a big question.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna ask these two kind of together because I feel like they're kind of intertwined.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um the first one was what has giving yourself grace taught you?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And what does grace actually look like in real life when things feel messy?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think grace has I think it kind of ties back to the conversation we just had about not being perfect.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, giving myself grace is really just understanding that it doesn't have to be perfect, understanding that my body is different, life is different, my circumstances change constantly and really just not being too hard on myself, like doing the best that I can do in the moment and moving forward from that and just picking up.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so, for example, just let's say I've had a really tough day today, and I really need to get that workout in, and I've tried everything, I just can't get to the gym.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have two choices.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can be really difficult on myself.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell myself I failed, I didn't do it, I didn't make it there today, or I could give myself a little bit of grace and say, you know what, you carried a big load today.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: You had a lot of things happen, you know, maybe things had happened with the kids, or you know, life happened.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you did the best you could do today.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: You got in a 20-minute walk, you ate protein at all your your meals.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is life, it's going to happen.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean I need to fall off the horse.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to wait until Monday to start again.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: At my next meal, I can make a better choice.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow I could get up and try the gym.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: I could just move forward in understanding that this is real life.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Things happen all the time.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: You could have the best of intention, the absolute perfect plan set out for your day.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: And something can derail it.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so just giving yourself grace in everything that you do with your mind, your body, your friends, your family will really change how you interact with others and how you interact with yourself.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: So okay.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: So we're on the inner beacon podcast.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: When you hear the words the inner beacon, what comes up for you?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: What is being your own inner beacon look like in your life today?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think that as we touched on earlier, when it comes to trust and working with like trusting myself and working with myself, to me, being my own inner beacon means trusting myself enough to pause before I look outside for answers.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: It means checking in with myself first.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I might ask myself, like, what do I need in this moment?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: What feels aligned?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's serving me right now, what isn't?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's knowing that I don't need to be perfect to trust myself.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if I need outside answers or guidance, I can seek that.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: But before I get there, I try to check in with myself.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's exactly what we talk about on the Interreek.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I love, love, love, love, love that.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: If there's one message that you hope every woman listening takes away from this conversation today, what would it be?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: My message would be that if you're in midlife and you feel like you've lost yourself or a version of yourself, I want you to know that you don't need to become somebody new.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're not somebody new.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: You may simply be reconnecting with parts of yourself that got buried beneath the years of responsibilities, expectations, caring for everyone else.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're still there.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just sometimes life puts things on you.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we, I think, especially, I can speak for myself as a mom, I think that we often prioritize everything else, our kids, you know, their needs, everyone else around us, and we put ourselves last.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's just really remembering that we are still that person.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have just had all these expectations on us, and that midlife really isn't the end of your story.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: For many women who are going through perimenopause or menopause, it's really the beginning of the most authentic chapter you've ever lived.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: I find women in this era are just so many of them just don't care in the way they used to, and not in a bad way.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: But in I'm taking it back, I'm taking my power back for me.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I do need to prioritize myself.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: I do need to show up for me.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And realizing that when we do those things, we really show up as the best versions of ourselves.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do that, we are able to best care for those around us.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: We are better for it.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Marriages and relationships are better for it, families are better for it.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure my kids thank me when I'm, you know, I feel like I've gotten a good workout in and I've had a good night's rest.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I'm I'm hydrated.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel better.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just finding women are starting to take that back for themselves, yeah, prioritizing themselves.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's so important.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just remember you haven't lost yourself.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: For a long time, we've put ourselves aside, but we can bring that back out, focus on you, and realize that this chapter really can bring a lot of beautiful transformation.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Our bodies have carried us to this point, have done amazing things for us, and now we need to care for that body until we don't have it anymore.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: Good and awesome.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story with us today.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: How can people work with you, find you, work?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how can they connect with you?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us all the things.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe just to summarize what I do.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: So in case women are looking for some guidance, I am a certified menopause coach and personal trainer.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I have two portions to my program.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: One, there are you could sign up for both or either if women are looking for different types of guidance.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: One is education on midlife.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening in my body?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: What are all these hormones?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I not feel the same?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I sleep?
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: What are these hot flashes?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: All the things you want to know, all the answers explained.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's also, like we talked about, our bodies are not 20 anymore.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: So what used to work may not work today.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Programs look different.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Fitness looks different for women at this age.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: In this, I wouldn't say at this age, but in the midlife stage, perimenopausal stage, menopause stage.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's a whole fitness component where personalized programs are written for the body that you're in today, so that we can best help who you are today.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you can find me on Instagram, on Facebook at midlife uncorked.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find my website at www.midlife uncorked.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: No e in the uncorked.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: So M-I-D-L-I-F-E-U-N-C-O-R-K-D.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: Midlife Uncorked.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And at Midlife Uncorked, if you're looking for some guidance or want to chat or just not sure where you're at or what comes next for you, you can sign up for discovery call and we could just have a little chat and see if there's any sort of help I can give you.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: I will have all that in the show notes as well for you to find easy just below.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: Again, thank you so much.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_01: And this is exciting.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Keep doing what you're doing.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for having me today.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's so nice to chat with women who get it.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I really hope that women out there know that they're not alone.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: So many of us are dealing with the same challenges.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: And there is guidance, there is help, and we're all gonna make it.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: Look at us.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're thriving.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta stay together, support each other.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: And like you said, it takes a village.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: It does really do.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for spending this time with me here on the Inner Beacon.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not already following me, you can find me on Instagram at immarisa.xo.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if this episode resonates, spread the love like you would nitella by sharing this podcast and tagging me so that I can personally thank you.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are feeling extra loving, leaving a review helps light up another beautiful soul and supports the growth of this space.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad you're here.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'll meet you on the next episode.