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296. How Toxic Masculinity And Feminism Could Be Dividing Your Marriage · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: It's that time of week again.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I stuttered a little bit there like I usually do, got a little hit on myself, but very excited for our guest today.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, we have Danille Hage.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Did I get that right?
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: You did.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Wonderful.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: We're so excited to have her today.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: She's amazing, if you don't know who she is.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: You will after the podcast.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: She has some amazing videos that Amy and I just love to watch, and she's going to just be able to offer such great insight.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: We are really, really excited for this podcast, so thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Yes, I'm honored to be here.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit maybe about your background and kind of what got you into doing this and talking about the things that you talk about.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, my husband and I have been married 44 years.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: We pastor a church and we've been in full-time ministry pretty much our whole married life.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: I've been teaching seminars and classes to men and women probably the last oh my gosh 25 years.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I guess my thing is really I want to help women to understand men and understand the differences and why they do some of the things they do, and help men to understand women.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: I feel like if we have a better understanding of ourselves.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: I do a personality workshop Also.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Everything I teach has is relationship oriented.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: It's just tools to have healthy, happy, harmonious relationships.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: So that's just something that I'm very passionate about.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I came from a divorced home as a child and it didn't have a lot of drama or trauma, you know, over it, but I just knew that when I got married I didn't want that for my family and we got married really young.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: I was 19.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: My husband was 22.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: And I didn't plan to get married that young.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: I was kind of going toward I would have been one of those feminist movement women.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: In high school and college I wrote papers on equal rights amendment and I was all gung ho for that, because my mom was a single mom raising four kids.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: My dad was in the picture.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: I mean, he would come, he was the dad that would come see us every other weekend and that kind of stuff.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: So he did, he did the best he could.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: But I just knew that when I got married.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I wasn't going to get married young, because my that little tape recorder in my head from my mom's voice saying make sure you always have something to fall back on, like you need to get your education, you need to have make your own money, you need to have something to fall back on, just in case.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Because that's what happened to her.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: They got divorced and she didn't have anything to fall back on, just in case.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Because that's what happened to her.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: They got divorced and she didn't have anything to fall back on, and so she had to go take a job that was an hour away, leave her four kids, and it was.
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: It was really really hard on her.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: So I thought I am going to have a job and make my own money.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: I'm never going to be dependent on a man.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: And uh, and then I uh came to know the Lord at 18 years old and it changed my outlook on life and on marriage.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I mean it really changed the way I saw life.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: And then, shortly after I met the Lord, I met my husband to be and he was.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: He had decided that he was going to be in full time ministry even at that time and he was young but he knew where he was, was headed which, and was very confident about his path.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: And that was very attractive to me because he was so sure, so confident about where he he was going and you know, a man with a plan is very attractive so um, and he told me um, because he wanted to be in ministry that he said you know we aren't gonna have have sex outside of marriage and I was like, well, I'm not getting married anytime soon.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I'm in college and I'm pretty sure the passion we feel for each other it's going to end up there.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: And he was like no, it's not.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: And I was the one that was more like it probably will.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: That's awesome, I know, but he and he was, and neither of us had had a lot of sexual experience.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: I was not a virgin.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: I did have a high school boyfriend, that so I was not um again not a whole lot of experience.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: but I wasn't a virgin, he didn't have a lot of experience and but you know, we'd be kissing and making out and I'm like, how are we not going to end up there?
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: And he'd be like, because we're not, and he was very certain about it.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: But eventually, of course, you know, it evolved and he finally said either we're going to get married or we have to break up.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: And I didn't want to get married, but I didn't want to break up and I'm like we don't know what to do.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: So we ended up getting married and so I said, okay, but I'm going to finish college.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: We're not going to have kids for five years, four months into marriage.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: And we're like, how did that happen?
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: That wasn't part of the plan.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: But, um, but so I again, and all that to say, I was probably going to be one of those women.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: That was all about the feminist movement.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: But again, god changed my outlook.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: My husband changed my outlook.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Once I had a child.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: I thought I don't want to farm my kids out to daycare.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: I want to be there to raise them.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: I want to instill our values into them, not some nanny's values.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: And so I'm going to stay home with my kids and my husband was all about that.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: He was like I want you to.
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: So I never worked a full-time job regularly.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Regularly I was the stay-at-home mom.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: I did little odd and things.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: I was back then they called it aerobic instructors.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: You know, now it's group x instructors.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: I was really all into health and fitness and so I I taught classes and, um, I waitressed for a while just to help supplement the income, because we were youth pastors first and we lived on a youth pastor's income, which wasn't a lot with three kids, so we didn't have a lot, but we just decided that was what was important to us.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: We didn't need to have the big house, the big cars, the big bag account.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: We needed to have a family and good, healthy kids.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: So I chose to stay home with them.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: And then, and then I read everything I could get my hands on about marriage and family, because I, you know, it's like as adults, we want to make right everything that was wrong in our childhood right, and so I wanted to do it right.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I was going to be the perfect parent, the perfect wife.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: I was going to be the perfect parent, the perfect wife, and so I just read everything I could and to make sure I raised my kids right.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: And I knew that I was young, I didn't know everything, and so I just, you know, applied everything I learned ago, um, and all along, you know, we went on to start our own church and all that.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: Um, but my son, my grown son, came to me.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: He lives in Dallas, I'm in California, and he said, out of the blue.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: He said, mom, we need to start podcasts.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: And he said, cause, during the pandemic, I quit doing my seminars because everything shut down.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: And so, um, he said, said we need to start a podcast.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: He goes you have so much information and this is where you need a new platform, you need a place to really share this.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: And I said, well, I don't, I don't know how to do any of that.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: And he goes I know he goes, you're gonna fly out here once a month and I'm gonna build your studio and I'll do all the tech stuff, because I do know how he is, also has a full-time job, so this is just gonna be a side thing for him.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: And I said, well, that's great.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: I get to see my three granddaughters, I get to see you guys and have fun.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I'll fly out there every month.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: So for I think we're going on 18 months now.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: We've been doing that every single month.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: That's where I record.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: I record everything I do on all my social media.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: He manages all of that because I would never be able to keep up with it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: He'd been telling me for years put your stuff on social media.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: And I just I'm like I'm afraid I'm going to mess it up, I don't know how to do it, you know.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: And so he finally took over that and he's the one that posts everything.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: And it's amazing, and we, and it kind of went crazy, Probably within I don't know six weeks into it, my reel started going viral and we were shocked, we just couldn't believe it.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: And my son said he said the internet will tell us if it likes your information or not.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: He goes, so don't expect anything.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: He goes.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: This may not work, We'll just see.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: And we were both, completely all of us in the whole family just blown away.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: And what we realized is everybody wants to know how to have a good relationship.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: Everybody's interested in it, across the board, across cultures.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I have people all over the world messaging me and asking questions and through every culture, all the different ages, it's, it's I'm, I'm being educated and seeing, just number one, just how much hurt and bitterness is out there for both men and women toward one another.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: And it's just, it's something that we everybody wants to have a good relationship, Okay.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: And so people are looking.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: They're looking for knowledge and education and pointers, and so it's been very, very rewarding for me to be able to help.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: We see the same thing, and we we recognize.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: You know who is.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Who is the author of division?
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Right, he wants to divide families and get husbands and wives, you know, against each other and I think the things that you talk about with you know, toxic masculinity and femininity is so important because he has used those things to put that wedge or that divide between a husband and wife.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I was actually going to say before we even jump in, like how similar your story is to mine.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I when when we met I was like I'm a career driven woman, I'm moving to California to art school.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: He, he, he proposed three weeks later, cause he knew I was going to leave, you know.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: But I was like I can't lose her.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like it was really fast.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, we're going to hold up having kids, kids.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: But like I really I loved what you said about like God changed you because like I literally don't know how a lot of marriages make it without God, because I have been thrown into my masculine a lot in our marriage and that could have totally wrecked us.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: But like, turning to God, I mean like I have to bring back in that femininity and that that healthy aspect into our relationship for our kids, for our marriage, all those things.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I like same kind of story, but I just like your videos.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: It caught my attention because I think this is such a big movement because of the feminists and just all the toxic masculinity, like it is a big.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Even in just regular little Christian marriages.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: It can be a real pull right.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: It can be a real division and I think it's really important that every couple realizes how this affects their marriage in some way.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: I mean women and young girls are being taught that you don't need a man.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: You know why do you?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: need a man.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: What do you need a man for?
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: That's not the plan.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: That's not the happiness plan right, well, and you know the feminist movement, it's not all bad, I mean.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: I think, it started out really good.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: You know, I think you know the idea was, you know, equal pay for equal work.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: I'm all about women's empowerment.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I think that's that all that is awesome, but I think it took a turn somewhere along the way.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: It took a turn where, all of a sudden, in order for women to be empowered, they had to disempower men.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Right, and they started, you know, knocking men.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: And even in our culture, the stuff we see in the media, on TV, the sitcoms, where they make men look like idiots, like fathers.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: It used to be way back where like father knows best and leave it to be.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: You know, back in the you know fifties, where where dad was respected but then it got into, I think, anything past the from the seventies on, where they you know the Archie Bunker sitcom and everybody loves Raymond, where the dad is just this incompetent, lazy, fat slob and just the wife's nagging all the time and he's an idiot, you know, and it just it's made men look so bad and men have taken, I feel like people just have slammed men and they're getting the raw end of the deal on the name of women, you know, for women to be empowered and to me it's like why can't we both be empowered?
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: Why can't we?
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Just because I'm empowered doesn't mean my husband isn't, you know.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: And for me, and I think if one person in the relationship is disempowered, both are disempowered, the relationship is disempowered.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: So to me, why aren't we building each other up and edifying and encouraging each other?
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: And I think people it's gotten lost on people in just how to do that and they're, and so that, and when I talk about femininity and masculinity, I bring that up because I think so many people don't understand.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: They don't understand how we're made, how we were designed from the beginning.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: We were designed to go together, to mesh, to become one, like to work together, not to compete against each other and fight each other, but to compliment one another, to help one another, to empower one another.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: That's God's design from the beginning.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: But, like you said, there is a devil, there is an enemy that wants.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: He's all about dissension and division and isolation.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: And so I think if we can learn how a man is made, how a woman is made, it doesn't have to be that hard.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: It really does.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Well, you're exactly right, and what we see is that the world is telling us that there really isn't any difference between a man and a woman, to the point to where we're denying reality, right, like, oh, there's no difference and, like you said, god intended us to be different.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: We think differently, we act differently, and sometimes that's hard for each of us to understand, but that is the way it's designed, right, it is designed for us to be different.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: And the world is trying to tell us that, oh, there's no difference between a man and a woman.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: And you know, if he can get us to believe that, then really, if there's no difference, then why do I need a wife?
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Or why do I need a husband, exactly?
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Right, exactly, and yeah, women are being taught not to depend on a man.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Be independent, self-sufficient, so that you don't need him for anything and for a man.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: A man wants to be needed.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: He's designed to be a protector, a provider, a conqueror, to protect the vulnerable, to protect women and children.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: We do need that from men.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I might be no self-defense, I can carry mace and protect myself.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: We don't need the protection the way they did back when there was a lions and tigers and bears around, you know, but but still they're instinctually a man.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: That's what that that's in a masculine man instinctually to protect and provide.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: If a woman isn't going to receive that and doesn't want it, then there's going to be conflict.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: Then he's going to look for another woman because instinctually that's what he wants to do for a woman.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: So if women can learn, you can be.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: You know, it's all in the name, I think, of equality.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Well, we're equal.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: We're equal, we're not equal.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, we have the same value in the eyes of God, every single human being.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, but men are bigger and stronger, women are smaller and weaker, and that's because of testosterone, that's because of hormones.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: Again, it's genetics, it's biology, it's the way that we were designed.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: Why are we fighting biology?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Why are?
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: we fighting that in the name of equality?
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: No, it's more about equity in a relationship than it is equality, you know.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: So if we can understand that, yes, we are so different in every single way, in how we think, how we speak, how we listen, how we're motivated, how we feel.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I mean, one of the things that I posted that got so much pushback it's the first reel that went viral.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: It's like I'm 12.3 million people viewed it because there was so much controversy, not even toward me, toward each other.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Like the men and women.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I could not believe the comments and the women and what that was about is I said here's a big difference is that men relate differently to their feelings than women relate to their feelings.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: What is what's the fuss about?
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: And women are like what they did is they turned it and twisted it.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: That's where I first got called that I was spreading toxic masculinity Because men relate different to their own feelings than women relate to their own feelings.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: How is that toxic masculinity?
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: I didn't say men don't feel.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I didn't say that.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: All I said is they just relate.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: I didn't say men don't have feelings.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: But that's how they twisted my words and I got a kick out of it.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I was like wow oh, believe me, we have good news like that too.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: We do as well too, I watched a video the other day and it was a woman and she was crying.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: And of course she puts herself on video and she says I can't find a man.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: And here she is just massive.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Of course she puts herself on video and she says I, I can't find a man.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: And here she is just massive and buff, she works out, she has tattoos, she looks like a man, right, and she is just crying.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: She's like I cannot find a man.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I really want a man, and you know the point.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: The point is is we are different.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: A man doesn't want someone that's like himself.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: He doesn't want someone that's buff, tattooed, whatever, not two Bigger muscles and a woman doesn't want a man that's like her.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Right, we're different.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: For a reason I'm attracted to my wife because she is a woman.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: She's petite, she's different, all the amazing things so, um, so, let's, let's dive in briefly about what toxic masculinity is and what toxic femininity is, because I think most of our audience have heard the terms, but they don't maybe recognize what they are or what that means and most of our audience is christian.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I I'm I think the most majority is, and I think most of them have a decent marriage, but I feel like still, this can be toxic in its own little subtle ways, right?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I think subtly, the world is trying to push this into our.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: You know we're watching videos every day and we're getting fed things and I think naturally this is going to seep into relationships and maybe how women start looking at things or how men start looking at things and hopefully, this information can help them recognize what's good and what's bad.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And before we jump into this, I just want to say, like, because so many women are getting careers and helping out because of inflation and all this stuff going on and and and, not even because they have to, but because they want to be career, career oriented, which is great, it is pushing us women into kind of a different zone than I mean we are going to have to take it on some of those masculine traits a little bit too, and so I think this, this balance, is becoming really hard in a lot of homes.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: Right, okay.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: So toxic masculinity.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Masculinity is strength, it's power, okay.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: So anytime a man is using his masculinity or a woman is using her masculine energy to control, dominate, hurt somebody using their power and their strength to abuse or do something that's using their power and their strength to abuse or do something that's unjust, that's what is toxic, because, yeah, men are bigger and stronger.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: If they want you, they can hurt women.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: That's toxic, okay.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: But, the other part of masculinity is its responsibility, it's accountability, it's protecting and providing.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: That's awesome.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: We need that.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: We want that kind of masculinity.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: So it's just abusing your power.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: You know which isn't even just a man thing, it's a human nature thing.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: You know, humans, a lot of humans, abuse power, right, toxic femininity is basically not letting men be men.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: It's trying to change men into women.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: You need to do it the way I do it, because my way is the right way.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: You need to do it the way a woman does it.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: A man's never going to do it the way a woman does it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: He can nurture, but he's not going to nurture the kids the way you are.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: He's going to wrestle and rough them up and play with them and you know that would be nurturing because it's fun, right, it's a way of nurturing, but he's not going to do it in the same way a woman would do it.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: So I believe when women, they can use their femininity, their sexual prowess, to manipulate men, to tease men, that would be toxic.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Anything where you're using your power to manipulate or to get your way at somebody else's expense, that's when it becomes toxic.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: But femininity in and of itself, men crave that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: They crave it, the softness, the responsiveness, the receptivity, the you know men want to give.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: They want to make their wives happy.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: They'll go out of their way to make their wives happy and it's really not even their responsibility.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: But men hold themselves accountable for their wives' happiness.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: And so what women do?
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: Because instinctually, a lot of women know that they'll be unhappy on principle, and I think that's toxic Well, I'm not going to be happy until when.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: I'll be happy when and they start putting stipulations right.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: I love that you're saying that yeah.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: And so, rather than you know what you, you took out the trash.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: That makes me so happy.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I didn't have to do it.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Or I am so happy, you're so responsible.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: You always pay the bills on time Wow, I'm just so glad I'm married to a man that does that.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: You know that is responsible, like that.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: Or you took our our daughters on a date.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: That makes me so happy.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: I feel loved because you're paying attention to our daughters and you're teaching them.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: This is what a date should look like, you know, or just whatever it is.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: So I think that we can both of us have the ability and the power to manipulate and to disempower each other, or we can use our power I think women are every bit as powerful as men, it just shows up differently and we can use our power to bring the best out of one another or to bring the worst out of each other.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: So we get you get to choose.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: What do you want to do in your relationship?
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Love?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: that love that that was spot on okay, I'm gonna read a quote that you I'm gonna read.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna read one of your videos, one of your quotes.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, because I want to talk about this.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: It's so good.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Um, she says men need women to be nurturing, affectionate, respectful, healthy and happy women are men's anchors and connection to love, family satisfaction and meaning in life.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: When women learn to accept men for being men and contribute to them instead of emasculating them and disempowering them, women will be so much happier, men will be so much happier and marriages will be so much happier yeah that is such a beautiful.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: That's such a beautiful balance.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what you're describing like.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: The men want us to be nurturing and affectionate and and just to be happy, right?
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I think you also did a video on how, what a disservice it is to men when we're negative and complain about everything and and yes and how we really are men's anchors, right Like I think most men at least.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: We've had a lot of videos go viral too.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: We've seen the sides, we've seen the fighting, all those kinds of things Like.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how many men and husbands reach out to us that are trying their hardest at everything.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: Like I'm.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: I'm doing the list, I'm helping around the house, I'm trying to protect and I'm trying my hardest at everything.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Like I'm doing the list, I'm helping around the house, I'm trying to protect and I'm trying my hardest to provide and I do love my wife.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: I fix dinner every night.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I fix dinner, I do clean, I do help with the kids.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: She still rejects me.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: She still doesn't want to be intimate.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: It's like it's like they say.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: The checklist is still on.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: It's like the checklist keeps growing right, it keeps growing.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: It's like she's never satisfied, right?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: She keeps raising the bar, right, okay, we've got that.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: Check that off the list.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Now here's another thing.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, I found three more things, right, yeah, and I think that's so sad and I I think one of the reasons possibly that women do that, one of the reasons possibly that women do that, I think some of it comes from our feminine energy, because femininity is to enhance, to support, to beautify, to fix up, like anybody that does hair for a living or is an artist or a painter or a writer or you know the creative side.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: That's all feminine to beautify, to make pretty, and so it's for a woman.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: You know, we will walk into a room and we we automatically see what's missing, what's wrong men don't, yeah, that's true, like I always tell right.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: It's like men see what's working and so and that, and that's why I sometimes I will.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: People will say, and I've gotten pushback from women that say you're so negative toward women.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: And it's not that I'm negative, it's just that I know women because I am one and we can, we're the complainers, we're the ones that are critical.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: It's not so much men.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: Men are easy, they don't have a lot of needs, they're simple, and I've gotten pushback from that.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: And when I say simple, I don't mean dumb, I don't mean stupid, it's just they don't have all that many needs.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: Feed them, have sex with them and don't talk so much.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: And you're going to have the happiest guy in the world, right?
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: He's happy.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: Give me my space, let me watch the game, give me a sandwich and have sex with you tonight.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I don't need anything else.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: But women, we have these to-do lists.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: We walk into a room and we see a to-do list.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: Walk into the office we see a to-do list.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: We look at our children we see a to-do list.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: We look at our husbands we see a to-do list.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: Hey, you need to wear this, you need to talk like this, you need to do your hair like this.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: We're always fixing everything up.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: So our feminine energy is great to a point.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: But if it's become where you can never be satisfied and I, I tell women and this scares the crap out of them, and I'm not doing it to scare them, I'm doing, I'm saying these things so that they'll wake up that if, if he, if you are never happy and you're never satisfied one, if you have sons, you're a mom and you're raising sons, they're going to grow up emasculated because they never see mom happy, okay, and your man eventually is going to give up yeah eventually.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Now, this doesn't mean he's going to leave the marriage.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: It doesn't mean he's even going to go to another woman, although he might, because we tend to gravitate.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Men will gravitate to where they're winning, where they're or appreciated because men are.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Men are motivated by success.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: They're motivated by appreciation, they're motivated by winning.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Men are competitive and if he can never win at home, then he's going to spend more time at the office, like he's going to turn his attentions to wherever he's winning, or he might turn his attention to his hobbies or to the children, but they're not going to be on you because he can't make you happy.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: And I I told my daughter-in-law that at one time when they when they my son and her first got married, because she, she kind of leans toward, she's got the personality type of that critical thinker, which isn't bad.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's really good.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: Um, more leaning, more happy, sees the one glass half empty rather than half full, and I said this to her one time.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: You know he needs to see that you're happy because that's very motivating for him.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: And she was like, oh my God.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God Like and I said it doesn't mean he's going to leave you, I go, but you don't want his tensions to be everywhere, but you know you want him right here.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: And so she has really taken that to heart and she asked me one time she goes, how do you do it?
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: How do you wake up every day being happy, being positive, and I my personality type, I am the eternal optimist.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: I see the good in everything you know and I, I can honestly say I I have not had very many bad days like when, when I I call them blue personalities.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: That's my, my daughter.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: I do personally think in four colors.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: Um, and I'm would.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: I would be the yellow, like sunshine, happy yellow, bright right and blues, the more melancholy.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: And, and I said you choose to, you make a decision.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: You can see the water glass half full and comment on that's not full to the top, or you can, you know, turn that into a positive.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: You know I, it's half full and that's okay.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: I'm going to drink the rest of me and fill it up again.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: You know, I mean I said, you need to make a conscious choice to see the positive in people, to see the positive in your spouse, to see the best in your children.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: You don't want to be the one that's constantly pointing out the flaws in everybody.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: You know, and I think a lot of times people point out other people's flaws because we don't want to look at ourselves.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: Right, and it's way easier to look at your flaws than for me to turn inward and look at mine.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: I'd rather not, so we'll just keep the focus on what you're not doing that's so good, so good and I, I, everything you, everything you said, I 100% believe in and I've shared another podcast, like perception, like if you look at the glass half empty, you're automatically going to be looking at things from a negative light, and the more you look at things from the negative light, the less you're going to look at things from a positive you're going to be you know nitpicking everything and this and that, but if you can just look at things from a positive and I I also think that this kind of relates is being grateful for things I think one of the biggest sins we can commit is being ungrateful, right and looking at all the negatives instead of the things that we do have.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: And if people can just look at the positives that they have, just change that mindset like you're talking about, it'll completely change their happiness, change how they look at their spouse and how they react to things, completely change their their marriage right right, and you know I as something else.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: I always tell women too on this, um, to this point, about seeing what's not there.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: You know, women are really judgmental and carry a lot of shame around their bodies, and we're way harsher on ourselves than a man your husband will ever be towards your body, and so, because men are so single focused and they usually see what is working rather than what isn't um, when you're naked as a woman, don't point out your flaws to your husband.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, do I, can you see that?
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: My cellulite right there?
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, I know I'm fat.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: Do I look fat in this?
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: Or I know, one boobs bigger than the other.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: You see everything that could be better and who has the perfect body?
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: But your husband, because he's so single focused when you're naked, beautiful naked body.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: He thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world, Right, Right, so and.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: But if you draw his attention to all the parts, all the flaws in your body, then he's going to focus on it.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: Why would you want your husband to focus on your cellulite?
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Don't don't do it.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: Don't point out your flaws, he won't even notice Right?
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, I've got a question for you, but I want to.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: You said you said something about something about, um.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: These are the top three things that women do to repel men, control him.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: His time belongs to me having that thought, withholding vital information that he needs in order to meet your needs because you expect him to read your mind.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: This is frustrating for him and that's the one I want to hit on.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: So many wives expect their husbands to know their needs, but I mean, this is probably you should just know what I need.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have to tell you why do I have to give you a list.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Why do I have to tell you to do that?
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Can't you just open your eyeballs and see that the kitchen needs cleaning?
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Right like I've been guilty of that?
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I think we've all been guilty of that right.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: But we're different, so why do you?
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: think it's so hard for wives to literally like hey, you know, what's really bugging me is that the kitchen sink is just full.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Is it really that hard for us to just say it instead of just get all upset and use all of our emotional negative space to dwell on something that literally could be fixed with a simple I mean, that's where we're different, right, If we can understand.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I mean we go in and we fix something.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: We see the kitchen it's a wreck.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I got to do this.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: No one else is even noticing it.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: You're saying men look at things different and they don't notice that half the time, right, yes, why is?
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: It so hard for us to just say something.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: But as men it we want to help out like as men.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: It's as simple as saying hey could you help me with the kitchen absolutely but I'm different, I'm different, I just didn't notice it, right, yeah, yeah yeah, I think men are very literal and the way that a man relates to his needs is very different than the way a woman relates to her needs.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: For a man, his needs are critical and urgent.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: They're immediate, they're now.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: He has a need.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: He gets that need met right now.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: He's hungry, he eats now, he needs a new, some new t-shirts.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: He doesn't put it on his christmas list.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: He goes to the store and gets his new t-shirts.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: Where women, the way we relate to our needs, is self-sacrificing, which a lot of times makes us drama queens, right, because, oh, I need a new bra, but the kids need this and the house needs this, and I'll put it on my Christmas list and I'll just wait, even though everything's tattered and ripped.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: And you know, we don't get our needs met because we are busy meeting everybody else's needs and we wait to the last minute to get our needs met, which isn't necessarily now.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: Some women will think, yes, I see how, how giving and how self-sacrificing I am, but not if it turns you into a bitch okay, yeah not if it makes you naggy and complaining and resentful and and now you're a martyr because, well, you know, I will give up what I need so that the kids, you know, or the husband.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Ok, I think we can learn from men.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: He doesn't empty the trash because it's not overflowing, it's not critical, it's not urgent.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: There's still another inch of space.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: So true, so true.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I was looking at the trash yesterday thinking that, yeah, I was looking at the trash yesterday, thinking that I also got room.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you said you know what, honey, it would really help me if you would empty the trash, because I don't like.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: It's cold outside and it's kind of dirty.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: It's a dirty job and I don't want to go out, and you know what that provides for me.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: It just it makes me feel like a girl, it makes me feel feminine and I know you didn't see it, but now it's full, it's bugging me.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: Would you mind?
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: He will jump.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: I remember one time my son-in-law-to-be and my husband are sitting on the couch.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: They're watching TV, they're watching a game.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: I'm in the kitchen and the trash is overflowing.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: I'm doing dinner and I pick it up and I walk into the living room.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: I go.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: Who wants you can sit down?
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: You're proven.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: I go.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: But, son-in-law to be, you get to do this Like if.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: If we would just ask women, don't, because we've been taught not to need them, don't need a man, you can do it yourself.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: You know, I travel quite a bit.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Whenever I'm on a plane, if a man says, if I go to put my luggage up in the overhead, and a man says, hey, can I help you?
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: I'm perfectly capable, I always go.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, I just let them do it and they feel so good about themselves and I'll say thank you so much, you are my hero, and they're like.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: It's like they don't hear that often enough.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: I find reasons to call men my heroes.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: I'm lifting a box out of my car it's not even heavy, it's big but it's not heavy and I'm putting the door down and I'm walking across to the post office and this man's coming out of the post office just the other day and he sees me and it's a big box and he immediately puts his stuff down on the sidewalk.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: He goes hey, do you need help?
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: I didn't I go.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, that would be great.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: He runs over grabs the box and he felt so good about himself.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: He's a complete stranger and I'm just like nothing off me to make him, let him feel good about himself.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: I'm like thank you so much, you are my hero and he was just like you know.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Thank you, ma'am.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: Well, the point.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: The point you're making is let men help, let them do things, let them be a man, let them be a man.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: Let them help you, but we don't need their help anymore, because the feminist community has taught us not to Don't need anything from a man.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: You can do everything a man can do.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: In fact, you can even do it better.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: We're smarter, we're more competent.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: That's what they fed us, that's what they the lie that they have been peddling for years and years and years.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: So, and even with raising daughters, you know we need to train our daughters up not to be all independent and not need a man, but train them up to respect men, even the boys in their classroom.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: You know, if they're in school, I don't know, maybe I don't know do you guys homeschool or Nope?
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: they're in school.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah good.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: But training, because you know, I have to admit, I probably kind of trained my daughters to, you know, to protect themselves against boys, you know, when they're younger.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: But when I started learning more and more about men's needs and our differences, I started putting that into them.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: And I mean my daughters, they're awesome.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: All the boys liked my daughters, all of them.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: And I remember one girl they they were in college and one of her girlfriends, one of my daughter's girlfriends, said guys are so nice to you.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: Like I hate that guy, he treats me horrible and he was just a friend, he goes, he goes, but he's so nice to you.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: And what it was is my daughter was nice to them, she was kind, she just she wasn't playing games with them, she was just kind.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: And all the boys gathered around her, you know, and that young girl said I want what you have.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: And she started coming to my seminars.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: That's awesome, but she, but it's just I.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: So it got so ingrained in them and and my daughters will even say, mom, that was so emasculating what you just said to dad and I'm like it was, oh my gosh.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: And I said you know, you guys have had this teaching since you were 13 and 14.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: I didn't learn it till I was 40, so you've had a lot more practice.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: I I'm still practicing because because of the way I was trained up, but, um, but, yeah, we need to start training our daughters now.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: It's okay to need men, it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to let them serve you or pick up something or carry or open your door and you know women these days, you don't have to open my door.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: I can do it.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: I can do it too, but I like being treated like a lady.
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I, I love being treated like a lady by any man strangers my husband, my sons, even my grandsons.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: I, we're teaching, I'm teaching my grandsons, you know?
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, wait a minute, we're coming to the door.
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: You open the door and let me enter first.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, me me oh, yes, I mean.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: And anything they do, they bring in the groceries.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: You're my hero and they love that.
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: They love being called groceries.
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: You're my hero and they love that they love being called that.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Well, they're going to lose that Every man wants to be someone's hero.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're going to lose that, that whole chivalry, if we're not letting them do it right.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Like our society is going to lose that, like we post videos and like my husband doesn't do anything.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Those of those things I've never and a lot of men are like oh, I didn't know, women even wanted that anymore like yeah, it's almost like they don't want it.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: We're going to lose chivalry in our society if we don't let husbands and men do those things and teach them right yes, absolutely, we've got to train them very important and we train people how to treat us exactly so if you want to, be.
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: If you want to be treated like a man, don't let him do anything for you, don't need anything from him, right.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: But if you want to be, want to be treated like a woman, like a queen, right, then allow him to help, allow you know go ahead and need him.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: you know, I always say, uh, something that's very attractive for men is a strong, competent woman who willingly makes herself vulnerable, who willingly lets him contribute to her life.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: If a man can't contribute to your life, like in the dating scene, and you have everything you already need you have a car, you have an apartment, you have a great job and he cannot contribute anything, he's going to go on down the road.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: He's going to find a woman where he's needed, where he can be your hero, husbands want to be needed.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: I think you just, if I heard you right, I think you just made a point.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you say if a woman is treating a man like a woman, the man is going to treat her like the man, right?
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: So he's going to stop opening the doors, he's going to stop doing those things, and vice versa.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: And I think that's maybe, if I heard you right.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: That's where we get so thrown off is, if you start to treat your spouse that way, then he's going to start to treat you the opposite, so to speak.
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, if you're acting like a man, if you, as a woman, if you go into your masculine energy, well, let me explain this about the masculine feminine energy.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: As a woman, if you go into your masculine energy.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: Well, let me explain this about the masculine and feminine energy, because you had made a comment earlier about, you know, going to work and sometimes we have to be in our masculine and yes, we do Even if you're at home as a mom and you're raising children, when dad's off the premises, you are in your masculine energy Because you're calling the shots, you're the protector, the provider, in that moment until dad gets home.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: And I had to learn this.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: My husband again traveled a lot, and for 10 years.
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: At one point in our lives, for 10 years in a row, he traveled 49 weekends out of the year.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: Wow, 49 weekends for 10 years in a row.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: So I was, I was managing the home home, I was raising kids and I didn't work outside the home because one parent had to be there.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: He was gone so much.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be there when they went to school.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be there when they got home from school, I wanted to tuck them in at night and every now and then I'd go with them and I would send the kids with them on trips that they could go on with him, and so they always kept that um connection with dad.
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: But when he came off the road the first day when he got home, the two of us would buck every single time and I was like, why is it?
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm glad you're home, I missed you.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Why is there conflict that first 24 hours Because I was in my masculine, I was used to running the show and then he comes home in his masculine energy and my masculine?
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: I was used to running the show, and then he comes home, it is masculine energy and my masculine was bucking up against his.
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: And so what I needed to learn to do and that caused conflict because that's where the competition is, you know, masculine against masculine I needed to turn back into a woman, I need to turn back into my feminine.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: When he got home and I had to learn to do that it's like, okay, dad's home, he's on the premises, I need to go back into girl mode and I don't have to call the shots, I don't have to be the solution, make finder, problem solver.
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: Now I can let him do that.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: And women have said well, how do you turn back into a woman, where you're so used to, or if you're at work all day?
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: As a woman, yes, there's deadlines and you're producing, you're in your masculine when you're work, you're at work.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: So when you come home and that's great, the office, but leave it at the office.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: When you come home, you got to turn back into a girl.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: And even my own daughter, she's a career girl.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: She didn't get married till she was 34.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: And she said mom, you have no idea how hard that is.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: And I said well, are you doing the things that you learned to do?
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: I said take a shower, change your clothes, put on some perfume.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: If you need to put on something comfortable, something sexy, if you want to, just, you know, do put on some music, light a candle, like, do the things that make you feel feminine, whatever that is.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: It might be going out and gardening a little bit or something, whatever it is to make you remind yourself okay, I'm the girl.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: He gets to be the boss, you know, because then the more feminine you are, the more masculine he can be, and we want our men to be, if we continue to try to disempower them or emasculate them by doing all the things comparing him to other men, not having anything he ever does be good enough.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: No, that's not how you load the dishwasher.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: No, let me show you the right way.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: That's not how you do the kids homework with them.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: You do it this way Just always bring him down.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Um, if we continue to do that, we're not going to respect him, because I can't respect him if he would let me do that to him.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: You know, I want a man to stand up to me.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: My husband is not due, especially in the early years he's.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: I remember when we were dating and I started getting a little kind of taking it for granted, getting a little snarky, like I got, got him whipped, you know, and he felt it, and I remember him coming to me one time and he said, hey, this is not going to work.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: I don't like your attitude and I don't want you to think I'm this whipped little puppy even though he was and I.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: But he stood up to me, kind of put me in my place and I was like that's sexy, okay, cause that made me feel safe A man that will stand up to me, like I don't want him to be this little weenie weasel.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Right, I want him to be strong and I remember thinking, okay, like he's not gonna, let me get away with that, all right, I like that isn't it interesting that, like we're so attractive to, we're attracted as women to the masculine, but then we have such a problem like finding that balance right, like it right, like if that's what's attractive, and a man that protects and provides and stands up against you, you know?
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: And then we have a hard time like finding that balance.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: It's just funny, Almost Like we want that.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: At the same time we're like you don't want it.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: You want it, but you think you don't want it.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: It's kind of unfair to the husband.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like I want you to be vulnerable.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: I want you to open up to me and talk to me and share your feelings and come into that little femininity area, but I want you to stay masculine.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like a really hard balance for a man.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: Well, how often, how often do we ask women what they want?
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Her husband asks a wife like even today we got a message and the husband's like I asked my wife what you want and she's like I don't know.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: You know like what do you need from me?
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: What can I's like?
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know you know, like what do you need from me?
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: What can I do?
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: I don't know that is a great point, right, and that's something that frustrates men so much, because men want to meet the need, and that's when, when you had read that quote, but like they want to meet the need but the women don't know how to express just tell me what it is you need.
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: Tell me, I'm simple, right, and sometimes we just don't even know because we're emotional, we have menstrual cycles, our hormones are, all you know, cattywampa, especially after having babies, you know, and and so it, you know.
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: And sometimes we are just out of balance and it is much harder for men to try to read a woman and figure her out.
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: That's why I will say men are simple.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: Again, we're not, we are complicated.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: So I tell women, you know, you have to first figure out what it is.
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: You need feel your feelings, what are your feelings?
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: Telling you doesn't mean you need to be led by your feelings, but you can acknowledge your feelings, like I am just feeling really upset and irritated and annoyed and I don't even know why.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: You haven't even woken up out of bed yet and I'm already mad at you.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: What I loved one of your other videos.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: I think that you you said and hopefully I don't butcher it, but you said men typically react to facts and women typically react to feelings, or something like that, right, yes, Yep, yeah, Because men and again this is how we're designed Men are normally generally okay not every single man, there are exceptions to the rule but generally men are more logical thinkers.
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, Women are the feelers, Men are the thinkers.
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: They're more logical.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Now, logic is great, especially when it comes to solving problems, deciding a course of direction.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, we need that and because women, the way we relate to our feelings, our feelings are everything to us, and what women need to learn is feelings are great.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: They're not good, bad, right or wrong, but just realize they're going to change in a minute or an hour or tomorrow.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: Like his feelings come and go, they're all high and low and all over the place.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: That's a great point, yeah.
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: We can't be led by them.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: Feelings don't make good leaders, okay, but we can acknowledge.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: This is how I'm feeling.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling afraid, and I know you didn't even do anything wrong.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid because you're yelling at the TV, at the referee, and that scares me.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: Or it scares me that you're driving so fast and you're not doing anything wrong, you're not even going over the speed limit.
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: I just I'm scared right now.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, again, we just have to acknowledge our feelings, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we make decisions based on our feelings, and that's what we can look to.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: Men for men who, who are more feeling oriented and don't have, can't self regulate and their feelings are out of control.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: Those are the ones that are doing really harmful things in our society.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Right, okay, those are the ones who have no control, no self control.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: And they're, you know, shooting up schools and doing crazy things, right, because they have no, no control over their self-control.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: So we just, we just need to realize that men, they, they have feelings, but they don't put a lot of weight in them.
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, I feel that way, but logically, that's not going to help me get to where I'm going.
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to brush that aside, or just put that aside for right now.
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: I think it's it's healthy for men to talk about their feelings and to feel their feelings.
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: They just don't act on them the way that women do as much.
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: Again, there's some men who have a lot of feminine energy.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: You know, those are the creative ones and they might not be as logically thinking.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: I get one all the time saying, well, I'm the single focus one, I'm the logical one and that's okay.
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes there's that little difference, for sure.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: As long as there's the masculine and the feminine in every relationship, the feeler and the thinker, the leader and the follower, you know, know, those are all the opposites, as, regardless if it's the male or the female, who's the masculine or the feminine, as long as there's one of each and you're both okay with it, you know, because there's something off of females and they're gonna attract a more beta male, okay, um, probably.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: And if, if she's comfortable in her role and he's comfortable with her role and his role, it can work Right, absolutely, generally speaking.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: You know, it's usually the man that pursues the woman, asks the woman out, asks the woman to marry him, right, and you know.
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: And then sometimes later on, after marriage, there's different areas in our relationship where I'm stronger in this area.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to lead in that area, and then there's a lot of areas that he's his strength is in that area.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: I'm going to follow him in that area.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we trade roles, sometimes I'm the initiator of sex, most of the time it's him, but you know what I mean.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: So it's like you go back and forth, and you talk about it, you know and sometimes a man who's a?
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: um, always the initiator wants a woman to initiate a case, right, you know, when it comes to sex.
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: So you just have those conversations like, hey, it's your turn, surprise me absolutely, absolutely.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Um, I made the comment a minute ago like poor husbands, because I'm like, oh, we're all so complicated and there's this crazy balance and you have to be careful with our emotions.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: But I want to end on one last question and because I feel like, okay, we've kind of like made women out to be like maybe it's a little bit harder for the husbands, but is this, is this is the big controversial question that I would love you to answer.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: In marriage, is respect earned?
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: I think and I've read, love and respect by the egg ridges.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: Um, I think overall we need to have respect for our husbands.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: Now, do I respect every single thing my husband has ever done?
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: No, I mean, if he's throwing a fit and breaking something, throwing dishes because he's angry not that he ever has, but I'm just using an example or, you know, if he's doing something that is not respectable in my eyes, I don't respect that, that action or that behavior or those words.
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: But overall I respect him as a, as a my, as a man, as my husband, as a son of God.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: Overall I respect him.
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: But or I would never have married him.
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: But if he turned into somebody that did a lot of things and we had we've been married 44 years, we've been through it all.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: There was a time in our life where he wasn't very confident about a situation and so he was listening to other voices and I didn't like the direction it was going, because he wasn't being who he was, the man I knew him to be he's a very strong, very, very passionate man and because he didn't feel confident in this one area.
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: He's listening to other voices and it's almost like he was cowering to these other men, these voices, and I just never saw him like that and I didn't like it.
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: I was like no, stand up.
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: You know we believe this.
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: You know this is how we've always done it.
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: Why are you listening to that?
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: And I did start to lose respect for him in those ways.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: Even our grown children were like what is going on with dad?
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: That is so not him and I I probably didn't realize it in the moment.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: It may have been after the fact that he was in fear.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: He was in fear because he didn't have the confidence, so he wasn't making choices that I know, that are in him, you know, and so I just and he talks about it now he he said she was absolutely right.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: He goes.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: I was in so much fear and when you're making choices out of fear usually not good choices, and that's what I saw now did I lose respect for him as a man altogether?
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: No, just in that time period, in those moments, I didn't respect that because he, because I know who he is, and it's like uh-uh, that's not who you are.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: Stop it, don't be that.
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: But um, but overall.
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: So I do think yes, in a way, you have to earn it.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: You can't come in and demand respect, especially if you're not respectable.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: And even having to demand it isn't that respectable.
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: So if you're respectable, it's almost like if you have self-respect.
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: It commands a respect, not demand, but commands, where people naturally will follow and respect.
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: So it's kind of like love.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: You know, men need respect.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: Women need to be cherished.
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: When a woman is cherished, she feels respected.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: When a man is respected, he feels loved and cherished.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: It just lands on us different, male and female.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: So we want unconditional love, right as women.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: But there's moments when you're not that lovable.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: You do things that just are not lovable.
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: Does that mean he doesn't love you anymore?
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: No, he loves you as a whole, but in that moment, what you're doing, I don't like that.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: So I think it goes both ways.
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: It's almost like do we need to earn love?
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: Well, if we're always critical, naggy, bitchy and never and just always, you know, I mean, that's hard to love, that's hard to love.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: So I know that that's a no that was the perfect answer.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: That's the perfect answer.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what I tried to say, because I do.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: It's a hard question, but it's like, yeah, like if you aren't being a man, if you are not trying to provide, if you are being lazy if you are not doing your role, you are going to lose respect.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, like we're taught, yeah, to respect people, to respect our spouse, but respect is to a point it is earned.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: So I don't know, I just feel like that kind of goes with this whole masculinity that, like I loved how you I loved how you answered that it was great, this has been a great episode.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: I have no more questions, but we won't keep any more of your time.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: It's been a fantastic episode and I think all of you out there listening uh can understand why we're so excited to have her on.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: Um, where can our audience find you?
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: And also check out your videos, because your videos are amazing thank you so much.
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: So I'm on Instagram.
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: Instagram is probably my biggest platform right now Instagram, facebook, tiktok across all the platforms.
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: I do have a podcast.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: You can hear it on any one of the places.
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: You listen to your podcast.
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: I am on YouTube Right now.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: We're really trying to build our audience on YouTube.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: So if you see, watch or listen to a podcast on YouTube, make sure you subscribe and like and share.
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: That's always great.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: But yeah, right now we're just kind of building our community and we'll see what we so what is your Instagram?
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: What is your Instagram account, where they can find you?
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: Danielle, danielle with one L, it's like Daniel with the E on the end.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: That's how you spell it.
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: So Daniel and I go by Daniel, catherine with a K, catherine Hage, because my daughter is Danielle Hage, so sometimes people get us confused.
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: But her account is private on Instagram so she wouldn't let you in anyway.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, so Daniel, catherine Hage, daniel Hage Podcast.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: Daniel Hage Community on Facebook.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, perfect, go check out her videos.
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: Like I said they are.
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: I'm Jennifer.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: Hage.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: I'm Danielle Hage.
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: Podcast Danielle Hage.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: Community on Facebook.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Perfect, Go check out our videos.
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: Like I said, they are awesome.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: Every video we've watched, I'm just like.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: She is spot on.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: That is exactly right.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: And she talks about so many things that few people dare talk about.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's starting to get more talked about because it's becoming a bigger problem and it's very important.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: So, yes, go check it out.
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: So, thank you so much for being on with us.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: We really enjoyed it.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: And to all of you out there, of course.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: We hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.