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Celebrating 300 Podcast Episodes: Your Favorites! · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:04
SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted living coach.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad that you stopped by to spend some time with me.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Are you curious about the Enneagram?
0:18
SPEAKER_01: Do you want to learn biblical truths?
0:20
SPEAKER_01: And have you wondered if there are life rhythms that will help you thrive?
0:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, friend, then you are in the right place.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: For six years, this podcast has focused on sharing conversations with my friends about life, business, motherhood, faith, and all things Enneagram from a Christian perspective.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: I truly understand what it's like to juggle everything as a wife, mom to three teenagers, a pup, and all while building a growing business.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: At Friend, I haven't always done things with clarity, peace, or joy.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: But still, the Lord has taken my broken-hearted pieces and healed them so I can live with a whole-hearted rhythm to provide women like you with a step-by-step process so you can get free of anxiety, shame, and frustrations that might be holding you back from thriving.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: I pray that the Lord speaks to you as you listen today and that you would invite your friends and family to join the fun conversations.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: Are you ready to laugh a little and learn a whole lot?
1:25
SPEAKER_01: Alrighty, let's get to the conversation.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Can you believe it?
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, I certainly can't.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: That number feels so monumental and big, and honestly, is beyond what I had visioned for.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
1:55
SPEAKER_01: This episode and this celebration is about you.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you who have listened to hundreds of hours, even if the sound quality was a little bit off, even if I was learning how to do intros and exits in a new way.
2:11
SPEAKER_01: Or even if, well, the conversation wasn't even exactly what you needed to hear, you turned in anyway just in case there was a nugget of wisdom for you.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: So, friend, thank you so, so much.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being a part of this community.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for leaving your podcast review, and thank you for sharing with your friends and family.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: Truly, you sharing it with others and helping this community grow is the biggest gift and compliment that you could give to me.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: I thought we would have a little bit of fun today and look through the history of some of this podcast.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not going to go through the history of simply wholehearted and the ups and downs and sorrows and goodness.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just talking about a few episodes in the history and sharing five snippets from the most downloaded episodes in the over six-year history of the podcast.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: Now, when you look back really far, it can feel like you're looking back at those pictures from 10, 20, 30 years ago with those crazy hairstyles, makeup looks, and the clothing that you used to wear.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, when you look at your own, it feels a little bit cringy, right?
3:31
SPEAKER_01: And you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Good thing I don't look like that now.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: But as we know, eventually this will be past history as well.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
3:43
SPEAKER_01: From the outside looking in, usually when I'm looking at other people's pictures and styles from a bygone era, well, it's sweet, it's cute, it's reflective, and we can celebrate who they were and how far they have come.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I hope to accomplish today.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm looking back at some really kind reviews that go back even the first year of this podcast back in 2017.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: And I also took a look through the archives, looking at the entirety of the 300 podcast episodes to see which ones that you have enjoyed the most.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: I've learned a lot from that look back in history.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: And something that didn't really honestly surprise me was the fact that you love Enneagram series.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: Yep, anytime I cover all nine types within either four to five weeks, or I take all nine weeks to cover those types, you love those episodes.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: They are traditionally the most downloaded episodes as I look through the six plus years of content.
4:46
SPEAKER_01: So that tells me you love self-awareness insight, stories from those podcasts, and also the coaching advice that I insert there too.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: So trust me, more of that will continue to come.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: And in fact, I hope that you just enjoyed this year's spring series on all nine types.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: It truly was my most favorite yet.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: So after I gleaned that information, I decided to, you know, putting those aside, look at the top five most downloaded episodes in the last few years.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: I decided to just pull from 2021 and 2022 because, well, it was starting to get a little bit overwhelming.
5:29
SPEAKER_01: But I thought it would be so fun to share a little snippet from those episodes that you truly loved, and then also a fun podcast review to go along with it.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I actually did find surprising as I looked through your favorite episodes, and that was you loved the solo podcasts.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: That means the ones that I taught and shared, something that I had learned that I wanted to give to you, or maybe something that I've been teaching or sharing with my clients that I thought you might enjoy as well.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: If you go back all the way to 2017, you know I definitely did not start doing solo podcast episodes.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it took me a long time to be willing to give it a try.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why, whatever reason, everyone finds their unique thing that they love.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: And for me, I typically love the conversations.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: But apparently you and the community, you love those solo episodes.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: So I promise I'll keep them coming along with conversations that touch on all the different pieces, the self-awareness insight, the stories, and throwing in some coaching advice.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you are new to this podcast or new-ish and you're thinking, wow, 300 episodes, how do I even discern which episodes to listen to?
6:46
SPEAKER_01: It'll be great because you might be inspired to listen to some of these that I'm sharing a clip of, but there's a lot of episodes.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, I am so excited to tell you that I have been able to put together a resource that you can get to have all the episodes at your fingertips for your specific Enneagram type.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: You can just find a link in the show notes and click there, put your name and email address, and you will get a page that is a beautiful spread and a hyperlinked list to all the episodes that are either about your type or have a guest with your same type.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I'm so excited to finally get to share this resource with you.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: I think you're gonna love it, and it'll be this fun go-to that you'll probably want to share with your friends when you're telling them about this podcast and you're trying to help them find which episode to start with.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: Find a link to that resource in the show notes and be sure and share it with your friends.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Now, the most downloaded episode in the last few years was not too long ago, and I have to admit, it shocked me that this was number one because it is a long one, and in fact, it is Beth McCord coaching me on an Instagram live.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: It was an opportunity that she offered to some coaches in connection with their new book released last year.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: I thought, hey, why not?
8:15
SPEAKER_01: It'll be fun.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: Little did I know, I would cry a little.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: Of course, we laughed a little as well, and it was a really beautiful moment and conversation.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: I thought I would take that conversation on Instagram and share it all with you.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: And lo and behold, you all really loved it.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: So I am grateful to share a little snippet from that conversation today.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: All right, here's a little snippet of my conversation with Beth McCord.
8:44
SPEAKER_02: On a spectrum, either from a misaligned wounded child part.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: So if the wounded child is leading the charge, they're gonna follow suit with that.
8:53
SPEAKER_02: But if the beloved child is in the lead and directing and guiding, then your connecting parts will actually follow in line with that as well.
9:01
SPEAKER_02: So they will benefit you.
9:03
SPEAKER_02: Whereas over here, they're gonna be misaligned and not benefit you.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: So with that being said, I would just love to let's start with just the wounded child of the seven and the beloved child.
9:13
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just gonna read just two quick sentences on what that looks like.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: So the wounded child of the seven, and I'd love to get then hear your thoughts and like aha moments or a story that kind of connects these.
9:27
SPEAKER_02: So the wounded child of the type seven believes that it is not okay for you to depend on others for anything, and that you will be limited, that you'll be bored, and you're gonna be missing out unless you take care of yourself.
9:45
SPEAKER_02: So, just from that viewpoint, can you see how as a younger child, but even now when that comes online, how that feels, when does it pop up, what is that like for you?
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I wish I could say my memory of this is a long time ago.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: But oh yeah, even just last week, I had an encounter with the wounded child, and it I it was like a deep encounter where I'm like feeling suffocated and going, What is going on?
10:21
SPEAKER_01: What is this feeling?
10:23
SPEAKER_01: And it was it was a conversation with a close loved one, and we'll put it as conversation, but it was a little bit more tense than a conversation, yeah.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: But it was this feeling of feeling trapped in those who are sevens, it's like someone has put a strait jacket on you, and you're you are literally unable to physically free yourself, but that strait jacket is on your emotions, on your spirit, and it there's almost the sense of tsunami is the word of where I might be smothered by this situation, by this limitation.
11:00
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: I've always off I've also felt that about emotion, but in particular when it was a situation that it was just out of my control.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: And there's a route to that, right?
11:13
SPEAKER_01: But ultimately, it's I feel when I'm in that wounded child place, I instead of going, okay, the Lord is going to do something on my behalf and believing that He cares for me and that He has good for me, I want to plot, I want to to defend, I want to like break, break off that constraint and just run far away instead of.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes situations come in and that it's that straight jacket.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: And I think that as a beloved child, the Lord maybe helps us slip up out of it and go like this, but instead I just want to tear it off and run far away from the situation.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: So it's pretty intense.
11:53
SPEAKER_02: And again, I'm not a seven, and even when you said straight jacket, I was like, I felt it like I've gotta get out of this immediately.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: That was such a great aha moment, and that's what I love in coaching is to open up these conversations for people to have those lightful moments to verbalize it for themselves, what it feels like.
12:14
SPEAKER_02: Now, another seven might have a different analogy, which is great, but for you, I love that picture, and it really helped me to step in your shoes and to feel for a second, oh my gosh, what that would feel like.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: And I'm assuming, Amy, it goes across the board.
12:31
SPEAKER_02: So it's not just maybe one little situation here, like it could be any situation where you're feeling trapped or deprived or limited.
12:39
SPEAKER_02: That instant straitjacket feeling happens.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: Is that right?
12:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it happens in friendships, it happens with my work, it happens as a mom.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: It even happens as a wife in the sense of like we don't agree to something, and that's the place I go.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: And I'm grateful having done the work, I I'm less likely to slide there right away.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: And that's before I would say that line, that low place, I would was a slide.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: It was a metal slide, thankfully not too hot, but maybe greased up a little bit, and you're just boop.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: And now it's going, Oh, I'm starting to go down this path.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: And I begin to okay, hold on.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: Is that really the truth?
13:24
SPEAKER_01: Am I really that stuck?
13:26
SPEAKER_01: Is that how the Lord parents me and leads me?
13:31
SPEAKER_01: The first review that I want to share with you comes from Continue Good, and she left this review back in 2020.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: And she says, Amy is a joy to listen to.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: She reflects Christ in her radiating laughter and sympathy.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: She has a quick wit and asks intriguing questions others may not think of.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: She is a voice for good.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Listen to her for personal growth and freedom through the Enneagram, inspiration for your business, all things motherhood, and lots of laughs.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: And she also invites incredible guests on and prayerfully navigates the conversations to be full of meaning and good insight.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: And she sends a love to you all.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Ah, thank you, Continue Good, for that wonderful review that you left over three years ago.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: It means a lot, and I know that it has helped others find this podcast and join the community.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay, the second episode to top the charts is a solo episode about the Enneagram lines of stress and growth.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: It's titled Are You Stressed?
14:37
SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram Lines and What They Mean.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: I share a snippet here today about a funny story that so unfortunately but perfectly illustrates how we can use the Enneagram as an internal GPS system.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: Clear back in March 2020, my whole family made a quick weekend trip to Colorado Springs to stay with friends and attend a conference.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Now, little did we know that this was going to be the weekend the entire world was going to shut down.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: It was surreal, of course, because at the turn of events, it turned out that my husband Spencer was going to drive our van back home, but the kids and I were going to stay a few extra days and rent a vehicle to make the trip back to Kansas City.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: Now you have to understand, I have driven Highway 70, the route between Kansas City and Colorado Springs, a hundred times.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: Truly, I'm not exaggerating, because we've lived here in Kansas City for over 13 years, but most of my family still lives in Colorado Springs.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: And plus, being a seven and always up for an adventure, I love driving the kids out there solo.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: Just sometimes needed to pick up and go.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: But this time, back in March of 2020, I had a brilliant idea to leave a little bit later in the afternoon.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: And I was hoping my kids, even though they're a little bit older, would maybe fall asleep if we hit nine or ten at night.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, during this trip, the weather was perfect, everything else seemed to be working in our favor, so I didn't even bother setting the GPS on my phone because, like I said, I've driven this route many, many times.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: I practically had it memorized.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, turns out the drive home was a little bit unsettling.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: It was mostly because the world had gone a little crazy, everyone was fearful.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: I would stop at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, Kansas, and it would be out of toilet paper.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: But across the street, there would be a solid line of 30 cars in the drive-thru at McDonald's.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: There was a few things that were happening, and as I was driving home, I really had to shake off my tiredness and the crazy of what was going around me as I ended up heading west on the freeway.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: Now at this point, the kids were sleeping peacefully.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: I was listening to an audiobook.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: Little shout out to Donald Miller story brand.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: I was listening to it at the time.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: And I began to notice as I was tuning in and out of the book, signs counting down the miles towards Lyman, as in Lyman, Colorado.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: And suddenly it registered.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: At that moment, in the middle of the night, reality hit me.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: I had gone about 45 miles in the wrong direction.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Now you can imagine my horror, my dismay, the anxiety that was overwhelming me.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: Because once I turned my GPS back on, like I should have in the first place, I wasn't going to be making it home till way past 2 a.m.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: Now here's the point of me telling this story.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: I knew the direction I needed to go.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: The route was super familiar to me.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Really, I knew it practically like the back of my hand.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: And there were signs along the way, but I wasn't paying attention.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: I sort of got cocky, if I'm honest.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, there was maybe stress, sleepiness, and the chakra of current events.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: But I didn't have my safeguard in place, i.e.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: the GPS, to make sure I kept going in the right direction.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Now, friend, when you use the Enneagram the right way, it's this kind of insight that the Enneagram can give you.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: Instead of just learning about what stress and growth look like for you, you can use the Enneagram insight as a GPS to keep you going in the right direction.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: You gotta turn it on, use it, and read the signs frequently.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I would love to say that I have never gone the wrong direction again.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: And I'm embarrassed to admit that I did the same exact thing at the same exact exit the following November.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you think I would have learned the first time, but I can now assure you one thing.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: I use my GPS and I double-check the signs.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: So when I'm supposed to be going west, I'm going west.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: When I'm supposed to be going east, I'm going east.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Friend, you may not feel like you are in a stressful season of life.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: Maybe things are pretty easygoing, and you may even be tempted to not utilize the information that you learn about your dominant personality.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: But the Enneagram is here to help you and to support you whether you are stressed out or not.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: You're human and you're gonna slip up and go the wrong direction sometimes.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: So why not use the gift of self-awareness and practical guidance that I'm gonna offer you today so you can turn the car around and head the right way.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Now, the second review that I want to read here is from Instapants.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: I had to read that one.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: It's all the way back from 2019.
20:13
SPEAKER_01: The name was too good.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: And Instapants says Amy knows her stuff.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: I love her passion for the Enneagram, and I love how she makes understanding our numbers so easy.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: She helps you understand the weaknesses of your number and level up your strength.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Amy.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: You are an incredible resource.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: Well, if you are still listening, Instapants, and you know who you are, thank you for that wonderful review.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Again, I know it helped others find this podcast, and I'm so grateful.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: The third episode to top the charts, it's telling, especially these last two together.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: This one is titled Take a Break, Avoid Burnout, and Find Momentum for Your Goals.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: Now, this one is from last summer, and I had fun doing a mini summer series just for us weary mamas who are juggling so many things and wearing too many hats.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: I think you'll appreciate this illustration that I give here about what balance actually looks like in this fast-paced world.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: When exhaustion and depletion and stress are the normal way of living, soul care might feel radical.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: And rest assured, radical soul care is not a one-size fits-all, nor is it in self-indulgent or limited to treating yourself.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: Friend, taking a break isn't failure, it's progress.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: And every great beginning can only start after a pause.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Or every great start begins with a stop, right?
21:51
SPEAKER_01: You see, friend, rest is being productive.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: True rest is not lazy, and it is doing something productive because it's refreshing.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: You.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: So it also blesses and benefits your loved ones.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: You are pausing or resting for you and others.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden?
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Come to me.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: Simply join your life with mine.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: Learn my ways, and you'll discover that I am gentle, humble, and easy to please.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: You will find refreshment and rest in me, for all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: My guess is as I read these words found in Matthew 11, 28 through 29, you may have taken a deep breath, maybe even a deep sigh.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you indeed do feel weary and in great need of refreshment.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: And I'm here to tell you that you aren't alone and we're gonna do something about it.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: I probably don't even need to remind you that when you're so tired and worn out, you're not performing at your optimum capacity.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: And if you aren't performing at your peak, then something is gonna fall through the cracks, or be less than your typical quality, or just not get done.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: So instead of pushing through, what if you take a break?
23:12
SPEAKER_01: And how about making sure it's a break that really gives the refreshment you need?
23:16
SPEAKER_01: As I shared at the beginning of this episode, I've reached those darker places before, just on the edge of burnout.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: A major shift I made years ago.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: And what is a sustainable soul care rhythm is taking a Sabbath every week.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not gonna do a biblical deep dive or give you insight exactly how Sabbath was made for you and it's not a legalistic burden, but I am gonna say having a full day to do anything that feels not like work is such an incredible gift.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: For most moms, especially when you have little kids, you might have to expand your vision of what a Sabbath might look like.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: You're probably gonna have to be more intentional with planning them, things like meal prep, creating a specific schedule, maybe even a childcare routine, alongside your spouse and family, so that way it's possible to take a break for 24 hours of time once a week.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: And if nothing else, I believe that giving one day to take a break from your nine to five worker business is essential.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: When you take a break, you come in stronger.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: I've even experienced my best ideas come after periods of rest and play.
24:26
SPEAKER_01: I won't even be thinking about work or problem that I need to solve, but stepping away provides the solution to rise to the surface because I'm not hurried, rushed, or distracted.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: Suddenly I'll recognize the answer or what it is that I need to know.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: And here's the deal: you must take time to refuel so you can have the compassion and creativity you need to minister to the world around you.
24:52
SPEAKER_01: I believe that there is a great reward for the mom and businesswoman who tends to the unseen world of the soul.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: Now you might be asking, how do you determine what is soul care and what will help you recalibrate?
25:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna save the scripture references for the show notes, but when I look at the life of Jesus and the Word of God and compare it to the world's mantras of self-care, this is what I find.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Self-care is all about you, soul care is about others.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Self-care doesn't satisfy soul care fuels you self-care is isolation, soul care is retreating.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Self-care subtracts, soul care adds.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: Self-care is often a tool of distraction from your real purpose, and soul care is the Lord tending to your needs so you can be full.
25:53
SPEAKER_01: Third review I wanted to share with you today is from Kim Inspired.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: I actually know who she is, and she's fantastic.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: I've gotten to be on her podcast before, and you can find her on Instagram.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: But she says, this Enneagram Nine mom is a big fan.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: She goes on to share, I love Amy's heart for both serving moms and teaching the Enneagram.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: It's so fascinating to learn about our different types and how that plays out in everything we do, especially as moms and wives.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: I enjoy hearing from Enneagram Nines, but my favorite episode, which is hard to pick, is practical soul care for all Enneagram types.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: And she says, Love Kim Stewart.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: And you can find her at Book Marketing Mania for Christian Authors.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Ah, that is so sweet, Kim.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for those words of encouragement.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: All right, the fourth podcast to top the charts is Finding the Hero in Your Husband.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: And it was a conversation with a dreamless guest, Dr.
26:52
SPEAKER_01: Julie Slatterly.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: Now, she is an Enneagram 5 and a longtime seasoned podcaster herself.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: In fact, she was one of the first podcasts that I ever listened to, Java with Julie.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: And it's still around today, and you might want to add it to your playlist.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, it was truly an honor to get to speak with her.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: And I loved the topic that we were able to focus on.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: It was focus on her republishing of an old book, Finding the Hero in Your Husband.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: The entirety of the conversation is rich and full and so, so good.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: I hope that if you haven't heard it already, that after you listen to this little clip, you'll go back and listen to it.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, whether you're married or you want to be married, there's a lot of good wisdom there.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: So the main theme of this book is, you know, kind of starts out with that women tend to feel disappointed in marriage pretty early on when their husband doesn't turn out to be exactly the way you hoped he would be, uh, marriage is more difficult than you thought it would be.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: And then women just get frustrated.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of what we do with that frustration, particularly in the early years of marriage, is we do try to fix things.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: We try to change him, we try to tell him over and over again what we need and how he's not living up to those needs.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And the theme of the book is that if we are using our relational power that way, then we're really never going to build intimacy.
28:23
SPEAKER_00: That our greatest power is not in pursuing and articulating what our relational needs are, but actually understanding and building into what our husband's relational needs are.
28:35
SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times women will work hard at marriage, but they're actually sabotaging the thing that they're trying to work towards.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: So that's sort of the overarching theme.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, I mean, that's that's pretty heavy.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: So, what are some common things that we do to self-sabotage?
28:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: So we don't mean to, but we do it.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: So part of it is understanding, like for most guys, one of their biggest fears is failure.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: It's man, I'm gonna let everybody down.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm not good enough at work, I'm not good enough at home.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: It's a more of a core struggle than it is for us as women.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, of course, we don't like failure, but we tend to be more within intimate relationships, we tend to be more concerned about being unloved or abandoned.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: Men tend to be more concerned about like she thinks I'm just a doofus.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and and I think in our day and age, even the commercials and the sitcoms we laugh at.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: The men usually are painted as the one who don't, they don't have it together.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: The woman is more, she's more on top of things and kind of snarky with him and critical.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And so one of the biggest mistakes that we make is we use our relational power, we use our words to basically be telling our husbands how they can be better.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: And they hear that as, you don't think I'm good enough.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: We think of it as no, I'm just telling you how to meet my needs or I'm just expressing my frustration.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: But for men, that is that is like devastating.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: It would be like if I were to go buy a beautiful dress for my anniversary, like a sexy dress and put it on and get all excited.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: And uh, my husband were to see it, and he'd be like, Yeah, it's okay, but you know, it makes you makes you look a little hippie.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: I mean, when am I gonna ever make myself that vulnerable again?
30:23
SPEAKER_00: Because he just said something that really wounded me when I was really trying.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times guys feel that way within the marriage and family realm, like they're trying, but all their wife sees is how they're not doing it right.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: And so they constantly, through words or nonverbals, or even the lack of affirmation, make the husband feel like you're not the hero.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: And that's just devastating to again the energy it takes to build intimacy in marriage.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: I know you have some really good advice for this because I can hear the friend who's saying, okay, that's well and good, but I don't want to walk on eggshells.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: What if there's some things that I do need to talk about?
31:04
SPEAKER_01: How do I address it?
31:06
SPEAKER_01: How do I tackle that?
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Right.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: So there will be some things you need to talk about for sure.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, talking and chipping away at your husband are two different things.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: So, one analogy I like to think of is in your marriage, you're building a bridge and you have to lay down the planks of the bridge.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: You can only walk as far as you built.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: And so speaking life in your husband, just like understanding his need to feel like he's doing a good job and you respect him, you know, that's a kind of a trigger word for some people, but that you you just you see who he can be and you see his strengths, and you're speaking into those.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: Every time you do that, that's laying a plank down on the bridge.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And you can only walk as far as you've built.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: And so when you have to address the difficult issues, and you will have to address them, that's where you walk.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of women have not built the rapport with their husbands and the trust that their husbands have that no, she's on my team.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Like she's not trying to be critical.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: She wants the same thing I do.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, she loves me.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Her heart is not to tear me down.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: So now I can listen to concerns she has, even if they're heavy concerns.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: And so we've got to, we've got to, in some ways, build the right to be heard when we talk about those hard things.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: Why do you think respect is such a trigger word?
32:29
SPEAKER_01: Because you said that, and I know that to be the case in a lot of respects.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: I think partly because of the way it's been used and because it hasn't been explained.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: So women here respect your husband as a command, you know, from pastors or books, like, you know, just it's this arbitrary thing of well, what if I don't respect him?
32:51
SPEAKER_00: And um, he's got to earn my respect.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: But what they don't understand is that respect is speaking directly to that fear he has a failure.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: So a woman has so much power in her husband's life to either speak words of life or death to him.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: And um, one of my favorite verses in the Proverbs is Proverbs 14:1 that says a wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears hers down.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Um so when we think about what a woman is doing with her power, she's got power, she's she's building it or tearing it down.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: And so most of us, um, when we engage with our husband, we're not trying to tear him down, but out of our own frustration, out of just being busy, we just tend to say words that tear that don't build.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's really understanding that like one way I put it is imagine if your husband is waking up every day with the unspoken question, do you think I'm a hero?
33:48
SPEAKER_00: Am I your hero?
33:50
SPEAKER_00: And you are the only one who gets to answer that question.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: And let's say, like, if you say yes, it gives him sort of the confidence to go through the day, to risk and fail at times, to engage with the kids, you know, try to step into leadership.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: But if you say no, or I'm not so sure, like he's the one walking on eggshells.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times what we do is we have our husbands walking on eggshells more than we are.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: So respect is really the commitment to say, you know, day in and day out, yes, you are my hero.
34:27
SPEAKER_00: Like we've got problems and and we've got things we have to address.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, sure, that's the reality of marriage, but I choose to believe in you and we're gonna work this stuff out.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: So it's it's the attitude of the heart.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: That's what respect really is.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: And when we don't hear it explained that way, it just feels like an archaic kind of command that we're supposed to just kind of shut our minds off and just say, yes, dear, whatever you want.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: But that's really not, that's not what what the scripture really means when it calls women to respect their husbands.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: The fourth review that I want to share with you today was from five years ago and is from some some of that.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: This podcast has made me laugh and cry all in one episode.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: The truth presented has helped me as a parent in finding tools for engaging my kids.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: It has also touched the deep questions I've asked of God and has made me realize I am not alone.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: Listening to this podcast allows me the time I need to refocus and gain an eternal perspective.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that review.
35:35
SPEAKER_01: It really captures the heart, my heart, of what I hope that you walk away with when you listen to each and every episode.
35:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, the fifth episode to top the charts, and the last one for today is understanding Enneagram Wings, moving forward with purpose.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: I had so much fun doing this episode because I got to talk about one of my favorite things, supping, as in stand-up paddleboarding.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: I ended up doing another episode all about it, and I teased that maybe I needed to do a series on it.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: One of these years I'm planning on it because every time I get up on my paddle board and I have some time on the water, I'm just learning some new facet about spiritual life.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: So it is coming, I promise.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: But here's a quick clip about understanding Enneagram wings.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: Now, each time I get on a paddleboard or kayak, I'm struck about what the sport teaches me about balance and how it strengthens me differently.
36:45
SPEAKER_01: Because almost any time I get the chance to be out on body of water, the weather is always different.
36:52
SPEAKER_01: I mean, sometimes it's been cold, other times hot and windy, maybe really breezy.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: And on the rare occasion I do get ideal conditions.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: But each time, because of the elements and the weather, I have to find a different rhythm of paddling.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's perfect.
37:09
SPEAKER_01: It's right, then left, and right, then left.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: But most of the time, unless I want to paddle in circles, I have to dip that paddle in to see how far I can get it before I need to go correct and head the other direction and paddle in the other direction and go back and forth and just till I figure out that I could, you know, go how I need to go and go the way I need to go and how the weather is going to impact the direction that I glide on the water.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: Rarely have I found that paddling is a perfect rhythm.
37:40
SPEAKER_01: I really constantly have to keep vigilant about where I'm headed and be aware of which side I'm paddling on and where my craft is taking me.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: Is the paddle keeping me pointed in the right direction and the destination that I want to go?
37:52
SPEAKER_01: Or am I overcorrecting and about to spin in a circle and head into rougher waters?
37:58
SPEAKER_01: I've come to love the process and the challenge.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: I could see it as a setback, or I could see it as an opportunity to not grow complacent and be mindful whenever I get on the water and whenever I engage in my favorite sport.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: I also see how the sport strengthens me.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it'll strengthen me more on the right side than my left side, but if I walk away, it means I've gotten to my destination.
38:20
SPEAKER_01: I didn't paddle around in circles and I gained more balance in my body.
38:25
SPEAKER_01: So the same idea can be applied with taking time to better understand how your personality more naturally leans.
38:32
SPEAKER_01: If you lean to one side, you might need to be aware of how you can access the other wing's character traits for a time as you strengthen your personality.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: If you hit rough waters in life, you might have to use one wing more than the other.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: The idea is to be vigilant about where you are headed and keep yourself pointed in the direction by accessing both wings of your personality and to stop spinning in circles.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: And like all things with the Enneagram, discovering your dominant wing is fun.
39:03
SPEAKER_01: And trust me, I recently did a series on Enneagram wings on Instagram, and that clearly was one of your favorite series so far.
39:13
SPEAKER_01: It's fun, it's exciting, but don't just like the meme or get the t-shirt in the mug.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: Use the information now to help you stop flying or spinning in circles.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Here is a sweet review left, I think, within the first year of the podcast.
39:30
SPEAKER_01: So we're talking 2017, and Kaparoo left these kind words.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: They said this was refreshing and encouraging.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: This is my go-to whenever I stop my workout at the gym.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: I find that I can glean something from each episode, but I especially loved episode 17 about parenting.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: I am so glad I got to share this review because I have to say, episode 17 is still epic in my mind.
40:01
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you go back and listen, unfortunately the sound quality is not awesome.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: It was one of those things that I still mourn over.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: But the guests that I had on that episode are spiritual leaders that I still deeply admire, and I'm so grateful when I get to have even a five-minute conversation from them.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: So if you can pump up the volume and you don't have a lot of background noise, episode 17, if you are a parent, is something that you that you might want to go back and listen to.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: Well, friend, thanks for celebrating with me.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: Would you do me a favor and add your voice to the five-star ratings on your podcast platform?
40:40
SPEAKER_01: As you can tell, it means so much to me to get to read these.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: It encourages me, it inspires me, and it definitely invites others to join this community to stay a little while and listen to these episodes.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: If you happen to be listening to this episode in the month of June, I also want to encourage you to check the show notes for details to enter the biggest giveaway I've ever done.
41:07
SPEAKER_01: And of course, I already mentioned this great new resource to help you have a list of episodes that are relevant for your Enneagram type.
41:17
SPEAKER_01: All right, friend, until next time, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.