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How to Set Boundaries During the Holiday Season · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
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  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to take a second here to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I know there's so many things going on in your world, and the fact that you took some time to listen to this episode, I'm truly grateful.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today I just wanted to revisit boundaries, especially us being in the thick of the holiday season here.
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  SPEAKER_00: I just find that talking about boundaries is something that really truly I think we all need to bring those up routinely because boundaries can be so, so difficult.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I do feel like during the holiday season it comes up a lot as friends and family might be coming into town or you might be spending time with them and maybe it's you're dealing with people that in the past boundaries have been an issue.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to start off today by talking about how, and I've said this before that no is a complete sentence, and saying no, though, sometimes can be very difficult.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's difficult because we internalize the fact that we're saying no as potentially being hurtful, or some of us even think that we're being disrespectful to somebody if we say no to them.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's the very first thing about saying no is it's it's important to get clear for yourself that, you know, yes, an old story or narrative might be that it's rude to say no, or that um saying no is disrespectful.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's important for you to slow down and get clear if that's one of your stories and narratives, where might have that come from.
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  SPEAKER_00: And give yourself permission through that clarity to understand that that story may not be the one that will serve you best now.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's not about judging or criticizing maybe your caregivers as you're growing up who told you that it was it was selfish or it was uh rude to say no to somebody.
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  SPEAKER_00: Instead, it's recognizing that served it served its purpose for as long as it did, but maybe now you're at a point in time where saying no is it's actually not rude and and it's not about gaining anybody's approval, it's about protecting your needs so that you actually can show up fully in relationship with others.
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  SPEAKER_00: So before you start saying no, it's about getting clear for yourself of what's the story around saying no and and seeing how that might need to shift for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Another thing is when you're asked about something, instead of automatically saying yes, give yourself permission to slow the conversation down and buy yourself time.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to a client recently about this, um, and in it was in context of saying yes to many, you know, whatever was needed at work.
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  SPEAKER_00: And part of this person's narrative was just around making sure that they they did the best job possible.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if something was being asked of them in the context of work, they wanted to make sure that they showed up and did it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that we really started working on was you absolutely can still say yes, but it's give yourself permission to slow down and simply ask for a little more time.
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  SPEAKER_00: So remind yourself that you don't need to immediately answer.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can simply say, Let me think about that, or let me check the schedule.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or for instance, around the holidays, a lot of people have many different asks about can you bring this to the dinner or can so and so stay at the house?
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  SPEAKER_00: And instead of automatically saying yes, give yourself permission to slow down and simply say, Let me check, let me think about it, and I'll get back to you.
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  SPEAKER_00: So a few phrases.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, I need some time to think about that, or maybe um, let me get back to you on that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or even I need to check with my, you know, my spouse, or I need to check, I need to check that with um the other individuals who are coming over to the house.
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  SPEAKER_00: So just give yourself some time before saying yes.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that way when when and if you say yes, you actually mean it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you also give yourself permission to come back to the conversation and say, that's just not gonna work for me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important to trust your own instincts.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, know what you are, what works for you and what doesn't.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, if if somebody is having an event and your own instincts or your own inner voice is telling you that that doesn't really sound like something that would be beneficial to me, give yourself permission to say no.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, and and again, it's not that you have to get into a big long drawn-out explanation of why.
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  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to justify it.
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  SPEAKER_00: No is actually a complete sentence.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying you have to, you know, if somebody invites you somewhere, you just simply say no, but you can you can soften it ever so slightly and you can simply be honest and say, I'd rather not.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, thank you, thank you for inviting me.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I I have another commitment that day.
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  SPEAKER_00: This actually just came up around somebody who was invited to a holiday party that their their inner voice is telling them that they just it would not be comfortable given the people who are going to be at this particular party.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so we talked about the fact of simply just saying, uh, thank you so much for the invitation.
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  SPEAKER_00: I I do have another commitment that that evening.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's just important about just giving yourself permission to say no, and it doesn't have to be an abrupt no, it can be a softened no, but also recognizing you don't always have to justify or deeply explain why something won't work for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh also other things that happen when we are thinking about even just everyday life, but then of course during the holidays, a lot of times family and friends are getting together, and sometimes the boundary of um just being able to speak and share in a social setting gets uh pushed on.
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  SPEAKER_00: So for instance, if you're in the middle of a conversation and somebody interrupts you, that's a boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's a that's a boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um somebody's pushing your boundary, they're not respecting your space to share your thoughts.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's allowed, you know, one of the ways that you can combat that is to just simply smile and say, you know, I would love to just finish what I was saying, or I'd love to finish my story, and then I'm happy to hear what you what you would like to share.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's not about getting into conflict, it's simply about honoring the fact that you were in the middle of a conversation and it's okay to remind them that you were you you would like to finish what you were saying before we go on to the next topic.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, that's just something to think about too as you're getting together with a lot of people is just, you know, it maybe there are some individuals who love to talk over you or don't really, don't really give you the space to share what's what's on your mind and heart.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so just allowing yourself to, you know, just put up a hand and say, oh, I hear you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Let me just finish this one thought, and then, you know, I'm happy to listen to what you've got to say.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and just really having a couple of scripts at the ready in terms of of setting your boundaries, you know, things like saying, um, you know, that plan doesn't really work for me, or that's not going to work for me this time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, it's great to have these scripts, but sometimes people do push and overstep your boundaries, and that can be really, really frustrating and can lead to some distress and some anxiety.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so it's really important for you to recognize that that is not your problem.
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  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is it's not your responsibility to take ownership of them pushing your boundary, it's simply recognizing your own feelings and emotions and figuring out what it is that you need in order to work through it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because we can set as many boundaries as we want, but there's always going to be somebody who doesn't honor it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's just the unfortunate aspect of, you know, how certain people show up in conversations.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, it it is one of those things where speaking up for yourself and giving yourself permission to say something is not okay with you is absolutely vital.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, because when we think about it, it starts with us.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: If we don't honor our own internal boundaries, and like for instance, if we have an internal boundary to share our thoughts and feelings, and then we don't honor it, we're st the boundary, the push on the boundary started with us.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so it all comes back to for us, how we treat ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so if you find that somebody is pushing your boundaries, it's okay to say something, but then also give yourself permission to step away if that person continues to push that boundary and it's no longer a healthy situation for you to be in.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk about this or anything else at any time, feel free to book a time to speak with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authenticme.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.