Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What happens when you don't give a narcissist the REACTION THEY ARE LOOKING FOR

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What happens when you don't give a narcissist the REACTION THEY ARE LOOKING FOR · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what happens when you
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  don't give a narcissist the reaction that they might be
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  looking for. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  What's going on folk? Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
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  Sometimes narcissist and toxic people thrive off of your
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  reactions. They love it, love when they get
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  you to react a certain type of way to what they're doing to you
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  because a lot of times they, I'm just telling you, they thrive
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  off of it. Y'all, before we hop deep into
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  today's episode, y'all, please, if you haven't already, go ahead
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  and hit that subscribe button. Subscribe to the channel, turn
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  on no notifications. It helps us reach more people
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  and the more people we reach, the more people we teach, the
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  more people we help and whatnot. Like somebody liked and
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  subscribe to the channel and it reached you and it helped you.
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  So he said paying it for it, paying it, paying for it.
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  But yes, narcissistic people, y'all absolutely love your
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  reaction. Somebody like I said, like I was
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  saying earlier, they get energy, they thrive off of getting you
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  to react for, for, for what they do to you.
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  You know, like if a narcissist, this is one example right here.
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  Y'all, let's just say a narcissist, right, is fed up
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  with you trying to hold them accountable.
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  You've caught them in a lie. You caught them in a in a tizzy,
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  so to speak, like you caught them cheating, hiding money,
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  they're smoking again, whatever they're doing.
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  So instead of just like being an adult and trying to handle the
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  situation like an adult, they threaten to leave you.
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  They threaten to try to break up with you.
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  They'll they'll tell you something like, well, if you
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  don't want to deal with me, if you don't want to just just drop
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  it. I'm going to leave.
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  Then it's over. We're done for.
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  I'm breaking up with you right now.
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  How about that? And then normally in this
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  situation they would expect you to be like no.
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  Don't break up with me, please. Don't break up, OK?
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  We'll drop it. Please.
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  I'm sorry. I'm.
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  Sorry, you'll end up apologizing.
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  You might start crying. You might be begging them not to
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  leave. Like they got a they got a book
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  bag or a trash bag right by the door, walking out the door.
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  I got my trash bag. Packed, they'll be like I got my
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  trash bag. Packed You got anything this
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  you? Want to say before I leave,
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  you're never going to see me again.
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  You're never going to see me again.
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  So you better say it. You better.
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  Say it and then and then normally there you say
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  something. Normally you keep them there.
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  Normally there isn't a point, a period of like crying and
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  begging that you're crying and you're begging.
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  Now you want to you, you want to drop the issues now, right?
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  That's what happens in this situation sometimes, right?
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  You want to drop the issues now because they threaten to leave
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  you. They threaten to do this, they
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  threaten to do that. So you want to drop it.
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  But if you don't give them that reaction, if you don't give them
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  the reaction that they're looking for in this situation,
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  if you don't do what they are expecting, they can lose their
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  minds. They were expecting a reaction.
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  Most times they're expecting a reaction where you are begging
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  and pleading and crime. If they threaten to leave you
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  fake break up with you in a situation they might get angry,
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  like they fake break up with you and then you don't fall for it.
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  Like you they say break up with you, right, And you don't fall
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  for it. You be like, all right, go ahead
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  and leave. I mean, if you want to leave,
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  like don't let the door you Oh goodness, you say something
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  along the lines of don't let, but don't let the door hit you
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  on the way out, babe, or whatever happens.
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  Like you don't fall for it like you're fed up.
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  You're done with it and you're just not going to give them the
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  reaction. Like they can start yelling and
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  screaming at you. Oh.
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  Wow, you don't care about me, You don't give a damn about me.
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  You don't care if I leave, you don't care if I walk out on the
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  kids. Wow.
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  Wow. Look at how sorry you are.
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  You are sorry, bastard. You a horrible person.
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  And I thought you would have won for me.
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  I thought you were this. I thought you were there.
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  I guess I was wrong. You don't want to fight for us.
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  You don't. Never.
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  Care about me? You never love me.
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  Rabble rabble rabble blah blah blah Boo Boo woo BBB they'll do
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  that type of. Stuff right there, like right
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  here in front of your face, like literally right here in front of
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  your face. They'll start doing this crazy
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  ass toxic stuff because you didn't give them the reaction
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  they want. So if you're not giving them the
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  reaction that they want, they will react a certain type of
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  way. Like again, in in that same
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  scenario, if they fake break up with you and you don't give them
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  a reaction they want, sometimes they'll get paranoid right and
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  think that you're cheating on them and think that you already
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  have someone else. While you're not going to stop
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  me from leaving, you don't see my book bag.
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  You don't see my book, my trash bag full of mustard and ketchup
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  and condiments and my pair of my socks and a holy pair of boxers
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  or underwear. You don't see you not going to,
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  you not going to stop me. Oh, I get it.
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  I get it. You have someone else, don't.
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  You. I knew it.
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  I knew it. I knew.
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  You had someone. Else you're cheating on me,
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  aren't? You, I'm really going to leave
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  you now. I'm going to go sleep with
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  somebody else. Sometimes that's the plan,
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  right? Sometimes that's the plan.
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  They don't want you. They want you to to, they want
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  to threaten you or accuse you of having somebody else because
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  they allows them, that gives them the excuse to go find
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  somebody else, doesn't it? That gives them an excuse to go
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  out here and cheat and do what they want to do in this
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  situation, doesn't it? But that's what happens.
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  That's what consistently happens.
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  That's what constantly happens. They if you don't, if you're not
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  giving them the reaction that they're looking for, if you're
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  not feeding them the reaction that they're looking for,
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  they're going to give you. They're they're going to pivot
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  their strategy, so to speak. They're going to change their
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  strategy. They might get mad to say or
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  they might lose their minds. Sometimes you might get it.
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  Look, if you don't give them the reaction they're looking for in
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  certain situations, you might get an episode of narcissistic
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  rage just because you're not reacting.
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  And that is this. This why I tell people like not
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  reacting to what they do to you or what they try to do.
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  To you not. Giving them the reaction is a
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  superpower because they thrive on your reactions.
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  There's a lot of narcissistic people, right, that will whip
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  their phone out on you and try to make it seem like you like
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  you, like they'll poke you and poke you and poke you, right to
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  try to make you seem like you're you're the abuses.
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  They try to make you feel like you're the abusive person.
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  They love catching your reactions on camera.
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  They'll be like, look at you. Look how crazy you are.
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  Look how you're acting. Look how you're behaving.
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  Look at these. Look at this stuff.
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  Look at you're doing, look at you and you're yelling and
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  screaming. But if you don't yell and
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  scream, guess what? You are in control.
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  Your reactions are superpower. Your reactions keep you off of
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  tik. T.O.K and Instagram looking.
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  Looking like a looking abusive. I see I just tagged the video
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  video today dude, like clearly then he's clearly done dancing
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  to this woman. She's yelling and screaming and
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  he's like calm, he's like, look at you crazy.
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  I haven't done anything to you. Clearly he didn't do something
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  to him. He didn't do it.
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  You know he did, but that's how they want you to do.
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  Don't give them their reaction. It's not it's a superpower
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  because a lot of times if you're not giving them that reaction,
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  Y'all I told I told I did a one-on-one this morning, right
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  and she didn't seem angry. She had found out her partner
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  was, you know, texting other people and she wasn't even she
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  didn't even seem angry. I say, you know what I said?
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  You don't even seem angry. You're too calm.
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  You too still that would mess with him and she was like, wait,
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  what does that mean? What do you what do you mean?
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  I like your stillness. Your your calmness about finding
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  out could throw him off, could throw him for a loop.
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  And she's like, how would that? How would be being calm and
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  still throw him for a loop when I caught him cheating or
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  whatever, when I caught him like potentially trying to cheat, I
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  was like, because you're not angry.
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  They expect anger when they get caught.
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  Anger to them anger or your big reaction a lot of times means
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  that you care. When you're calm and you're
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  still, you're not giving that reaction.
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  They think you're done with them.
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  They know something is going on like oh damn, you're not yelling
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  and screaming. So not all of them will yell and
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  scream at you. Some people will just like, oh,
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  you're not yelling and screaming, you don't care.
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  And some people will try to start a love bombing process
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  based on the fact that you're not giving them the reaction
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  that they are looking for. I know it sounds crazy, but this
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  happens, y'all. This happens in a lot of times
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  relationships when you, when you catch them doing something and
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  you don't and you're you like you because you're done.
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  You're so still because you're done a lot of times like you
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  like, OK, this is the final straw.
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  You know, this is the straw or the sack of bricks that broke
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  the camel's back and you're just done.
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  You know, Doctor Carrie McEvoy calls it the breaking the shelf
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  moment. Like this is the moment that
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  broke the that broke the shelf that you're done.
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  Like you're you're actually done right now because of this moment
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  in time. And be when you're done with
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  them. What can they do?
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  You know, literally what can they do in this situation?
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  There's nothing they can really do.
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  Like they'll start like some, some of them will get angry.
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  Yep, it's true. Some of them will absolutely try
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  to get angry and accuse your stuff like that, but then some
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  of them will try actually try to love bomb you.
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  Somebody will try to like, love bomb me.
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  Somebody will like, well, you know what?
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  You know, we need, we don't need to really break up.
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  We don't really need to break up anything like that.
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  When we need is to go on a trip. I know.
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  I cheated on you. I know, I just.
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  Came back from cheating on you. I know I still smell like the
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  new supply. I got new supply Cologne.
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  All on me. New supply perfume all on me.
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  So let's go to Vegas, let's go to Paris, let's go to France.
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  Let's get out of here. That's what we need.
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  We need to get away from here. We need to leave these scents,
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  the scent. Let's leave these scents behind.
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  We need to leave the scent behind, the scent of my, of the.
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  Scent of this old relationship. Let's start over.
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  You too calm for me? Let's start over, please, please
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  let's start over. I just want another chance.
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  Let me take a shower first. Stop smelling like smelling like
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  cheating. So I smell like condoms.
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  Let me take it out and then we're going to finish this
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  conversation, OK? OK.
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  You see, I've cried now. I know you're not crying.
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  You're not even angry I've cried.
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  Does that work sometimes? Yes, it does work on somebody.
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  You know, I'm not laughing at you, but it does, you know some
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  of that. They get crazy because in these
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  moments they'll start telling you exactly what you want to
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  hear. Y'all, the fact that they tell
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  you exactly what you want to hear, it should make sense to
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  you. Because if they're not done with
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  you, of course they're going to tell you what you want to hear.
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  Why wouldn't they think about it like that?
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  Why wouldn't I tell you what you want to hear?
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  If I'm not ready to be done with you, if I still want you here
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  with me, why would I not tell you what you want to hear?
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  That's where the mind goes right there, y'all?
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  Because they're going to try to keep you there because at the
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  end of the day, it's beneficial for them to keep you there.
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  A lot of times they're getting something from you.
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  They're not done with you, they're getting something from
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  you. So not giving them the reaction
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  that they're looking for is a superpower.
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  And it can, like I said, it is, it is thought like a lot of
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  narcissists are paranoid already in the 1st place.
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  So that paranoia will start to kind of drive them crazy.
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  There's the they'll start thinking a lot of different
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  things are going on, like, wait, what is going on?
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  Are you really done with me? No, You really done.
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  You can't be done with me. Because I'm not.
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  Done with you. I'm going to Viper us, I'm going
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  to Viper you. So yeah, being still helps out
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  stillness, stillness. Shout out to my my one-on-one
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  client this morning. My coaching client this morning
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  who did who, who stillness when she was telling her story,
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  showed me how calm she was. And I was like that.
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  Probably your calmness probably bothered him a lot.
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  And she was. Like I didn't think about that.
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  Like I didn't think about it like that.
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  Like now, a lot of people don't. Yeah, anyways, y'all, thank you
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  for tuning into that episode, y'all.
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  Y'all know, I appreciate the hell out of everybody who tuned
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  into the channel and whatnot. I'm always taking out, I'm
• 12:03
  always getting ideas from people I do one-on-one coaching with.
• 12:06
  I'm always getting ideas from people in my support group and
• 12:09
  whatnot. If you have, if you don't know
• 12:11
  already, y'all, I have a very first workshop of the year is
• 12:15
  September the 14th in Washington, DC.
• 12:18
  Me and my girl NIA Renee survivor narcissistic toxic
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  abuse. Putting this together September
• 12:24
  the 14th Healing from narcissistic abuse in person
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  Washington DC. Come check it out.
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  Get registered at mentalillness.net/events or find
• 12:34
  a link in the in the comment section or whatever but Mental
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  illness.net/events and you can find it.
• 12:40
  Get registered for it and what not and then we will see you in
• 12:42
  DC on September the 14th 2024. I know y'all have something
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  these videos be popping up later on sometimes and it already
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  passed. Anyways y'all thank you for
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  tuning in like and subscribe to this channel and as always,
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  mental is out. Mental illness is out.
• 12:59
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  Thank you so much again, I was.