Latest / SisterSmart Leadership / 34: How to Find a Mentor as a Leader and Be a Great Mentee

Transcript

34: How to Find a Mentor as a Leader and Be a Great Mentee · SisterSmart Leadership

• 0:00
  Jill: Imagine putting in the work to find your mentors.
• 0:03
  and then finding yourself in a situation where you have no support at all because
• 0:07
  they are suddenly no longer available.
• 0:09
  Or worse yet, maybe you don't have any mentors and you're
• 0:12
  not sure how to find one.
• 0:14
  We have seen so many clients develop too few mentors only to be left with
• 0:18
  no support when they leave the company, often all at once before restructuring.
• 0:23
  So we'd like to help you to find the mentors that are right for you
• 0:26
  and nurture those relationships to position yourself in the best way.
• 0:29
  You'll want to stay until the end to find out the traps that
• 0:32
  you want to stay out of as well.
• 0:33
  Jill Avey: I'm Jill Avey, a career success coach, and this is Sister
• 0:37
  Smart Leadership, the show that explores how women can rise from
• 0:41
  director to vice president and beyond by fully leaning into their feminine
• 0:45
  energy as their biggest advantage.
• 0:48
  Let's get you one step closer to the recognition and promotion you deserve.
• 0:53
  Jill: Mentorship can be tricky.
• 0:54
  Some companies have formal programs and others have none.
• 0:57
  Regardless of the support system, mentorship is something that
• 1:01
  you need to take charge of to set yourself up for success.
• 1:05
  Sister Smart Coach Sarah is here with me to talk about this important topic.
• 1:08
  So Sarah, will you start us out with discussing what the limiting
• 1:12
  beliefs are that when you, that you hear when you come to mentorship?
• 1:16
  And I think you just pointed on one, is that who's in the driver's seat
• 1:20
  when it comes to mentorship, right?
• 1:22
  And that definitely is the mentee.
• 1:25
  And so mentorship is, it's a reciprocal relationship.
• 1:28
  It facilitates the pairing of, a more experienced individual, with a
• 1:34
  less experienced one, the mentee, and that's really to provide the guidance
• 1:38
  and support, the knowledge transfer.
• 1:41
  The network and sometimes the possibility of opening doors for someone else, right?
• 1:45
  And so that first step is checking out the limiting beliefs.
• 1:49
  And I know on Sister Smart, we talk a lot about heightening your
• 1:52
  awareness onto what those beliefs are.
• 1:54
  And so you may find that you have a belief about maybe it's not my job
• 1:59
  to find a mentor or I, I hear a lot with with women that say, I don't have
• 2:04
  enough time to have a mentor, or maybe I already have enough friends that
• 2:10
  I talk to about these things, or I'm leaving that to the hands of my manager.
• 2:14
  Ooh, that's a red flag, right?
• 2:16
  Or I don't know where to start.
• 2:18
  I'm already overwhelmed.
• 2:19
  That falls back on the time piece, or, there's some beliefs that I'm at
• 2:23
  an age where maybe I'm too focused.
• 2:24
  Old to find a mentor, or I have one already and one is enough, so
• 2:30
  all those can be limiting beliefs to, challenge you to even take
• 2:35
  that next step into mentorship.
• 2:37
  And so step one is really to identify, especially if you've been thinking about
• 2:41
  having a mentor, or you've been thinking about specific goals that you want to
• 2:45
  achieve in your role, maybe the first step is just to check in on what are those
• 2:49
  beliefs that you have about mentorship.
• 2:51
  Now we're going to go to step two, creating a plan, right?
• 2:54
  So we've already identified some limiting beliefs and maybe that you're
• 2:58
  beginning to, want a mentor, right?
• 3:01
  So I just want to point you back to episode 33 and the sister
• 3:05
  smart podcast series, because that's where Jill goes over.
• 3:09
  Your personal board of directors.
• 3:11
  And then you can identify who do you want on your bench, and you
• 3:14
  can really identify your needs for that personal board of directors.
• 3:18
  So now there's that opening for mentoring step two, creating a plan.
• 3:22
  First you want to identify your goals.
• 3:24
  What do you actually want to get out of mentorship?
• 3:27
  Do you want that new role promotion?
• 3:30
  Maybe it's more visibility or understanding more of the strategy at
• 3:34
  a different level or connecting with those that you're working with or
• 3:38
  sidelined to that you want to get more support from and build a relationship.
• 3:43
  And so really think about like, what's important about this
• 3:46
  mentor inside of your network?
• 3:49
  Because your mentor is not only going to give you their viewpoint, in a roadmap
• 3:53
  and help you focusing on different things.
• 3:56
  So, so really think through what are the needs and Jill, anything that you want to
• 4:01
  add to step two with creating their plan.
• 4:05
  Yeah, I think what you're talking about is what they can offer you.
• 4:08
  But I also think it's important to be clear on what they're not going
• 4:11
  to be able to offer you because every mentor is only going to be
• 4:14
  able to give you their experience.
• 4:16
  That's the beauty of a mentor relationship is that you're learning
• 4:19
  from somebody else and that knowledge transfer that you mentioned.
• 4:22
  So it's good to be clear on this mentor can't provide me everything.
• 4:27
  And so what can they help me with?
• 4:29
  And then that way you can narrow your focus to those topics and
• 4:33
  it creates a more rewarding.
• 4:35
  Relationship for everybody.
• 4:36
  Sara: Great Jill.
• 4:37
  Thank you for adding that.
• 4:39
  And now let's move on to step three, identifying the mentor.
• 4:43
  So Jill, would you like to talk more about identifying who that is for the mentee?
• 4:49
  Jill: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:51
  So if we think about internal mentors and external mentors, we want to have both.
• 4:55
  And so a place that I love to start is internally.
• 4:59
  Who are the people that you want to hook up with and have
• 5:02
  that stronger relationship with?
• 5:04
  And so I always start with, the senior leaders who are,
• 5:07
  tangential to the work that you do.
• 5:08
  So your work impacts them and therefore they have motivation to
• 5:12
  help you rise up and be better at your job because that's going to
• 5:15
  help them be better at their jobs.
• 5:16
  And you're going to understand how to be able to reciprocate
• 5:20
  with them more because you're understanding the work that they do.
• 5:25
  So that is the first step is to see who internally can benefit
• 5:29
  from this mentor relationship.
• 5:32
  And then externally, we want to have both.
• 5:35
  Again, this is how you get left without any mentors, is when
• 5:38
  you only have internal mentors.
• 5:40
  So you've got to have external ones too.
• 5:43
  And so where my mind goes with that is finding people who are invested in you.
• 5:48
  There have been champions, along the way that have wanted to help you, that have
• 5:52
  believed in your abilities and that want to help you shine and are behind you.
• 5:57
  And so having those people around you is really powerful.
• 6:00
  I have one mentor who is purely my cheerleader.
• 6:03
  You know, He helped me a lot when we worked together in a past.
• 6:07
  Company and we've kept that relationship going and it's super valuable to
• 6:11
  me to have that one person who is always so enthusiastic about what I'm
• 6:15
  doing at a hundred percent behind me.
• 6:17
  So it doesn't even have to be somebody who has a technical knowledge that you need,
• 6:22
  or sometimes we just need a cheerleader, but it's also helpful to find somebody
• 6:27
  somebody in your field that can help you with, seeing where the industry's going
• 6:32
  and, that kind of building your vision work as well can be really helpful from
• 6:37
  the outside because sometimes people from the outside can help you think more
• 6:40
  creatively and they may be in touch with other external factors that you're not
• 6:45
  seeing from the inside of your company.
• 6:47
  Who else would you add to that on how to identify mentors, Sarah?
• 6:52
  Sara: I think those are two really great points, the internal and the external.
• 6:55
  And then you also touched on like the technical and the non technical, right?
• 7:00
  Building that vision.
• 7:01
  I'm reminded that we don't need just one mentor, so I think we can sometimes get
• 7:07
  pigeonholed like I have one and that's good enough, but perhaps there's, this
• 7:11
  goes back to identifying your needs from the mentor and that's going to
• 7:16
  help you identify who that mentor is.
• 7:18
  Jill: Yeah, Sarah, and I've seen clients that have just a handful
• 7:22
  of mentors, maybe four to six, but I've also seen clients that have.
• 7:27
  many mentors, even a couple dozen because they're just touching base
• 7:31
  with them at a different interval.
• 7:33
  So we can really start to expand our our vision of what mentorship can be
• 7:38
  and how many influences and the kind of support system that we could really have.
• 7:42
  Sara: Yeah, I love that because mentorship is unique to the individual, there really
• 7:48
  isn't one cookie cutter way to do it.
• 7:51
  Jill: Exactly.
• 7:52
  That's great.
• 7:53
  So when you find your mentor, our step four is cultivating that relationship.
• 7:58
  And so thinking about if it's an informal or a formal relationship
• 8:03
  can be really important.
• 8:05
  And sometimes it's really awkward when somebody just approaches you
• 8:09
  and you've never met them before and they're like, will you be my mentor?
• 8:12
  So it's better to maybe start out as an informal relationship and when it's
• 8:17
  not a company sponsored program and, maybe just invite them out to coffee
• 8:22
  and see if you click first, because that's a really important piece.
• 8:26
  And so Sarah, how would that work in your mind?
• 8:28
  Sara: Yeah, I love that.
• 8:30
  Because when we hear that question, like, will you be my mentor?
• 8:32
  There's a little bit of expectation that comes with it.
• 8:35
  So the mentor may be thinking like, I have to do all of this.
• 8:39
  I don't know this person.
• 8:40
  so maybe holding off in the beginning to formalize it, creating like an implied
• 8:45
  mentorship and a reciprocal relationship.
• 8:49
  Whereas you're coming prepared with some specific questions to talk
• 8:53
  about and with an outcome and the conversation just begins more naturally.
• 8:58
  And then you can wait to formalize it later.
• 9:01
  Like if we want to think about developing them into a sponsor, right?
• 9:04
  That's another topic, but I'm starting with just the informal relationship.
• 9:11
  I feel like that's sometimes more appropriate at the beginning.
• 9:14
  And so you can really build a relationship with them.
• 9:17
  They can get to know you, you can get to know them at a personal level and then
• 9:20
  start to bring in like what it is that you want to work on with your career.
• 9:26
  Any other thoughts?
• 9:27
  Jill: I think it's important to remember what you just were talking about, that
• 9:30
  this is a relationship and that we do want to bring a little of ourselves to
• 9:36
  the relationship and get to know them as a person too, and make sure that you're
• 9:40
  connecting because that's an important piece for having the mentorship go
• 9:45
  deeper, potentially getting developed into a sponsor relationship as well.
• 9:50
  And that there are also some mentors that's not going to happen with.
• 9:52
  And you may just check in with them, maybe just a half hour conversation.
• 9:57
  Once or twice a year could also be a very beneficial mentor relationship.
• 10:01
  That's always going to stay informal.
• 10:03
  So I think just having some flexibility and freedom in how you're thinking about
• 10:08
  this relationship can be really helpful.
• 10:09
  Sara: Yeah, I love that.
• 10:11
  And I think this is a really good point to go back to when you are
• 10:15
  in these conversations, checking back in with those beliefs.
• 10:19
  Like maybe there's a thought pattern that continues to come up
• 10:22
  about your belief around mentoring that needs to be reframed.
• 10:25
  And we talk a lot about reframing in the Sister Smart Program.
• 10:29
  So I just want to, touch on that.
• 10:31
  Yeah.
• 10:31
  Now that you're in the activity of engaging in the relationship,
• 10:35
  some thoughts may come up and how do you want to manage those?
• 10:39
  Jill: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:40
  Always checking back into limiting beliefs is important.
• 10:43
  Okay.
• 10:44
  So that brings us to our step five is okay.
• 10:46
  We have the relationship, but what do we talk about?
• 10:48
  And that is always such a big deal for so many of our clients is, how do we
• 10:52
  create the actual conversations and get the information that we want to get?
• 10:57
  So, where do you start with that,
• 10:59
  Sara: Yeah, I think it's really important to use, there's
• 11:03
  models of networking, right?
• 11:04
  So think about, your networking, you want to get to know them.
• 11:08
  So you might bring in some of these communication tips like form, talking
• 11:13
  to them about their family, their work, what they like to do for fun,
• 11:17
  and what brings meaning to their life,
• 11:19
  and then also to bring back to what did you want to get out of the
• 11:23
  mentorship, so we want to really be able to articulate what you
• 11:28
  need and how they can support you.
• 11:31
  So make sure you're driving the conversation.
• 11:34
  You've got targeted conversation after building that relationship
• 11:38
  and it's in alignment with your vision, And where you want to go.
• 11:43
  And, you can always ask, them to like any tips at the end of the conversation,
• 11:48
  any tips They would recommend that you do in your role now to help
• 11:53
  get you to where you want to go.
• 11:55
  So you really want to come prepared and have the, that, especially
• 11:59
  the initial few conversations to be more thoughtful, right?
• 12:02
  Because you are as the mentee driving the conversation and driving
• 12:07
  the relationship in the beginning.
• 12:09
  Yeah.
• 12:09
  Anything you want to add to that, Jill?
• 12:11
  Mm-Hmm?
• 12:11
  Jill: I also think it's important to have an agenda and have thought
• 12:15
  through strategically what is it that you want to talk about that day and
• 12:19
  give those questions to them ahead of time so they can think about
• 12:22
  it ahead of time if they want to.
• 12:24
  Some people like to have that runway and, thinking about what can I
• 12:29
  bring to the relationship as well.
• 12:31
  So it's not only about.
• 12:33
  Asking for information from them, but it's also about understanding it's a
• 12:37
  reciprocal relationship and that you need to provide something to them so
• 12:41
  that they enjoy their relationship too.
• 12:43
  And a lot of my clients will ask, like, I'm at a lower level.
• 12:47
  What could I possibly do for this person?
• 12:49
  And one of the first things I always go to is You know, the higher up
• 12:53
  you get, the harder it is to know what's going on in the front lines.
• 12:56
  And so maybe you can bring information to them about what's
• 12:59
  happening and what you're seeing.
• 13:01
  And that can be extremely helpful for them.
• 13:03
  And as you get to know them, you might also understand some
• 13:08
  topics that they're hot on.
• 13:09
  So you could maybe share an article that you read or, things like that
• 13:13
  that might help them because who has enough time to be learning
• 13:17
  everything they need to know as well.
• 13:19
  there may be something in your background that you've done beyond
• 13:23
  this current role that they might be interested in learning more about.
• 13:27
  So, really finding out what they want to learn that supports their
• 13:31
  role can really help you to do that reciprocal work, which often is
• 13:36
  kind of a sticking point for people.
• 13:37
  Sara: Yeah, I love that because our mentors are investing time in us.
• 13:42
  They want you to be a good investment.
• 13:44
  So I think one other thing in addition to that is also to follow up with them.
• 13:50
  To let them know, like, how did you use their tools or techniques or how did you
• 13:55
  use the conversation to improve yourself?
• 13:58
  Think of it as yeah, that I love that and bringing that reciprocal
• 14:03
  inspiration back by sharing the impact that their mentorship has had in you.
• 14:08
  So I
• 14:09
  Jill: think that's really important in being a good mentee, is showing that
• 14:13
  you took their advice and that you made good on this relationship and the
• 14:17
  effort that they're putting in with you.
• 14:20
  There's also some traps that we can fall into when we're talking to our mentor.
• 14:25
  And one of the things that I hear is A lot of times people will come to their
• 14:29
  mentors, particularly internal mentors we want to avoid this with, is coming to
• 14:33
  them to help them solve your problems.
• 14:36
  So it's a sales process, not a therapy session.
• 14:39
  that's something to remember is internally you are always selling them
• 14:43
  on how great you are and all of the good work that you're doing and you're
• 14:48
  getting feedback and advice from them.
• 14:51
  not problem solving because you really don't want to be coming to them as the
• 14:54
  person with the problems all the time and that you are always having problems.
• 14:58
  You need to be talking about your successes as well and letting them,
• 15:02
  kind of keeping them up to date on the great work that you're doing.
• 15:05
  And then you can use the problem solving conversations with your external
• 15:09
  mentors who aren't going to be the people who are speaking up for you in
• 15:13
  like a hiring conversation it's those conversations that are happening in the
• 15:18
  rooms where you're not present, that you want to be preparing your mentors
• 15:21
  to be able to speak highly of you.
• 15:23
  And so you only have so much time with them and you want to
• 15:26
  be really focused on that piece.
• 15:28
  So what are some other traps that you
• 15:31
  Sara: Yeah.
• 15:31
  Another trap that I've seen people fall into is that there's a belief
• 15:35
  that they can only have one mentor.
• 15:37
  Like it might create some competition across the
• 15:39
  organization or some perceptions.
• 15:42
  And so one good way to get around that is to, Perhaps talk with your manager,
• 15:46
  help them co create the solution of finding you, mentors that could support
• 15:51
  you and have a conversation with them.
• 15:53
  Who would really benefit me here?
• 15:55
  And then they get to be part of that solution with you.
• 15:59
  Jill: Fantastic.
• 16:00
  I think another trap is also thinking that the mentor drives the
• 16:04
  relationship and that it's funny.
• 16:06
  Sometimes people just kind of come to the conversation and show up and
• 16:10
  they're not sure what to talk about.
• 16:11
  And so it's really not their job to figure out what to talk about.
• 16:16
  It's your job.
• 16:17
  And so always keeping that in mind that I'm the driver of this relationship.
• 16:21
  Sara: Yeah.
• 16:21
  So important.
• 16:23
  Jill: So how do we be a good mentee?
• 16:25
  I think this is an important piece is how to be a really good mentee, because
• 16:29
  that builds that relationship and it makes people want to invest in you.
• 16:34
  Sarah, what are your thoughts on that?
• 16:35
  Sara: So just some tips on being a great mentee is one, making sure you're
• 16:40
  enjoying the conversation and they're enjoying the conversation, right?
• 16:43
  There's that reciprocity and flow, making sure that you've thoughtfully shown up.
• 16:49
  For the conversation.
• 16:50
  And perhaps as Jill mentioned, send them some things if
• 16:54
  that's their style in advance.
• 16:56
  So the conversation is very useful and making sure you follow up with
• 17:00
  your mentor on what worked well and what you used from the conversation.
• 17:05
  That's so important.
• 17:07
  That's going to give them so much joy, right?
• 17:09
  To know that their conversation and their mentorship is having an impact on you.
• 17:14
  And also to know that.
• 17:16
  It's more of a hierarchical structure.
• 17:18
  And we think about mentorship, like we have a mentor and then a mentee,
• 17:22
  and we're on different levels, versus like more of that flat line.
• 17:26
  And so, just knowing that this is also a professional relationship, it
• 17:30
  can definitely turn into a friendship with time, but in the beginning,
• 17:34
  when you're first getting started, know to bring that professionalism
• 17:38
  to the relationship as well.
• 17:40
  Jill, anything else that you'd like to add?
• 17:42
  Jill: I think just doing good on the advice, being somebody that's worth
• 17:46
  investing in because you use it and you you really put it into play.
• 17:52
  Because, one of the most, we were talking about this, that
• 17:55
  we've all known people who.
• 17:57
  you give them advice and then they completely ignore you.
• 18:00
  And you're like, why did I waste my breath?
• 18:02
  You know, And we were talking about this with friends earlier,
• 18:05
  Sarah, and you may have friends that don't ever take your advice.
• 18:08
  And then you have friends that try out the stuff that you suggest.
• 18:11
  And it's so rewarding when they do that.
• 18:13
  And so that's what we want to take into our mentor relationships is really,
• 18:17
  really, really, giving it a good shot of what they're recommending and coming back
• 18:21
  and circling back to them and telling them about roadblocks that you ran into or
• 18:27
  why it didn't work or how well it worked.
• 18:29
  And either way, it's showing that you're really using their time
• 18:33
  well and, using it in good faith.
• 18:36
  Sara: Yeah.
• 18:36
  I love those tips.
• 18:38
  Jill: Such a great conversation we've had, Sarah, about mentorship
• 18:40
  and we've covered so many different topics around it that I hope that our
• 18:45
  listeners will get so much value from.
• 18:47
  We always like to, each episode with the three shifts that you can make today.
• 18:53
  Our first one is to think about, do you have a mentor?
• 18:57
  And if you do mentor or mentors, if you do have a mentor, assess
• 19:01
  the relationships and see, how well are these relationships going?
• 19:05
  And what did you learn from this episode that you could use to further
• 19:08
  deepen those relationships to get more out of them and to reciprocate more.
• 19:12
  And then thinking about what other mentors do you need?
• 19:15
  Our second shift is assessing yourself as a mentee.
• 19:20
  So what is your mentee brand and how are you showing up in alignment
• 19:24
  with how you want to be perceived?
• 19:26
  Sara: And then the third shift is to notice how you're
• 19:28
  being in these relationships.
• 19:30
  Is it ideally how you want to show up as a leader and a mentee?
• 19:36
  And just take these tips and maybe there's one that you'd like to change.
• 19:41
  Are there some, habit that would support you in this relationship
• 19:45
  and building it more effectively?
• 19:47
  So taking some time to self reflect how you're showing up as a mentee.
• 19:52
  Jill: That's beautiful.
• 19:53
  Thank you so much.
• 19:54
  So what is your next step to strengthen your mentor network?
• 19:58
  Let us know in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube.
• 20:01
  And download our checklist for what to look for in a mentor, so you can start
• 20:05
  expanding your mentor network today.
• 20:07
  There's a link in the show notes to download it.
• 20:10
  And if you want to dive deeper into women's leadership and how to
• 20:13
  move up in your career, subscribe either on YouTube or wherever you
• 20:16
  listen to your favorite podcasts.
• 20:18
  We're on a mission to help more women get into leadership and stay there.
• 20:21
  And if that's aligned with you, we'd love to have you be part of this community
• 20:25
  and tune into more episodes on Sister Smart Leadership that will support you
• 20:29
  in becoming the leader you want to be.
• 20:31
  If you're ready to fully lean into your feminine leadership and get promoted
• 20:35
  from director to vice president and beyond, hit that subscribe button so
• 20:39
  you'll get all the episodes to come and check out the recommended video here
• 20:43
  to see how women are rising up without playing by the old rules that built these
• 20:47
  male dominated industries and systems.