Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 64. Beyond Contract: The Sacred Covenant of Marriage with NFL Chaplains LaMorris and Megan Crawford

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64. Beyond Contract: The Sacred Covenant of Marriage with NFL Chaplains LaMorris and Megan Crawford · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here at the podcast.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: So grateful to have you here for another Thursday and I am super, super excited for today's podcast.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I know a couple of weeks ago when you tuned in, you got to hear my crazy voice and I had told you that there was a podcast we had to cancel because I was too excited about this one to do it, not feeling at my best.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: And today you guys are in for a treat.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Today we have Lamoris and Megan Crawford and I was able to be introduced to Lamoris four years ago when our daughter was a freshman at Olivet, nazarene, where she is currently a senior, graduating in just a few days, and Lamoris was at either I don't know if it was the orientation weekend or the getting started, I don't know but somewhere in the process of me being a hot mess, express as a mom sending her first kiddo off, and I just remember sitting in that chapel sobbing hysterically for a lot of reasons Number one, my baby was leaving, but also being so overwhelmed at just the gospel that I knew she was going to be surrounded by.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And so to hear Lamoris' story and later to find out through Lamoris and Megan's podcast just about their relationship that started at Olivet, just knew everything that Lamoris brought in that event was confirmation for us that this was exactly where our daughter was supposed to be, and so have been a big fan from a distance for the last several years.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Lamoris, you probably don't remember, but we stalked you.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I was with the basketball team that freshman orientation and you guys were eating in the cafeteria with your family and we came up and the girls were all whispering like there he is, there he is, and so we were able to get a sweet picture of all of the freshman girls that year with you as they were coming in to Olivet.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: But Megan and Lamoris have a marriage ministry that goes back to their early years.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: We're going to hear so much about it.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: That has been involved with the NFL Lamoris has been a chaplain for the Bengals and I believe there might be something that you can tell us about, something that's coming up in your future that plays into that as well and they're just passionate about marriage.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: They recently released a podcast called Covenant Culture.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: We're going to dig into that and just the importance of treating our marriages as a covenant and how that is so opposite of what the world typically looks at marriages on.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: So I'm just excited for you guys to tell your story.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: If you wouldn't mind just kind of telling us who you are a little bit about yourselves.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your different backgrounds.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: In your first podcast episode you said or maybe it was on your website we're from the project and the cornfield.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: So you guys are a very unlikely pair with a beautiful story and would love just to kind of hear your background if you'd share it with our audience.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you so much, we're so excited.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I was like, do do I clap Do?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: I so happy to have connected with you and I just always love this because, sure, it was four years ago and there's all these moments and you're like, you probably don't even know or remember, but it's so cool because God's so intentional with everything he does.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: So you saw this moment when that little you know fangirl, which I love moment was happening, because I know I am the same way.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you want to go first, dave?
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Sure, yeah.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: As you said, nikki, we grew up in two totally different worlds, and it's fitting in the story of God that he takes the things of the world and confound them by doing something extraordinary.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: So I grew up in Chicago, inner city, generational poverty.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: My grandmother raised nine kids on welfare.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: My mother was murdered when she was 17 years old I was only 10 months at the time.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I've never met my father and there was a lot of violent murders in my family and, truth be told, I just kind of landed in the lane of repeating the same cycle of drugs and gangs and wasn't made to go to school.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: No one finished high school and went to college.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: And I went to school for two reasons I got a free meal and I loved gym class, and so that kept me coming to school.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: And when I was on the basketball court, it was my only time of peace.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: I didn't have to feel like I was alone, abandoned, no parents, poor, and that two hours gave me life.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: And so I ended up playing middle school basketball.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: I was a four-year starter in high school, but I was completely broken, even though I was turnabout king, homecoming court, prom court turnabout king.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Okay, Come on give it all to us.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Right, right, and I tell kids all the time.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: You know, no one tells you that popularity leads to loneliness and emptiness, and I was trying to fill a void in my heart with things that couldn't change me.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: And so I was completely broken at 18 years old and I always wanted to leave Chicago to play college basketball.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I got recruited.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: I narrowed it down to about six schools, but I scored a 14 on my ACT and so that landed me taking a scholarship to a community college.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: I played one year there of basketball, and when I was 19, I had an encounter that literally changed the trajectory of my life, and I had an encounter with Jesus Christ, and that came through my cousin, who was a leader of a gang at the time.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: He ended up meeting this girl walking her home.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: Her dad locked him in the living room and told him the gospel, and so he built a relationship with him, led him to the Lord and at 19, he sat me down and told me the gospel, and so it changed my life.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I ended up at that community college, finishing with an associate's degree, transferred to Olivet Nazarene University, got my bachelor's and master's degree.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: So I'm the first in my family to attend college and get a college degree.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: And I also met my beautiful wife there as well, and so I'll let her share her story and then we'll meet there and kind of tell our story.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, from the projects to the cornfields.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Actually that was a little confirmation.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: There's been a few times where I'm like, should that be the name of our podcast?
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: But we landed in company culture, so it's fine.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I just basically you can think of a story and then think of the complete opposite.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: And that was my life.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: So I grew up out in the country, out in the middle of nowhere that's where obviously, shout out to the cornfields come from.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: My parents weren't farmers but we lived around like everyone I went to school with.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: They were farmers and that was everyone's main form really of living.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: So I grew up in church.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I was five years old, I believe around that age, when I accepted Christ and from that point on, truly, I mean, I remember being really little and knowing the difference in right and wrong and knowing, you know, we'd walk into a grocery store and there was bulk candy available and I was like I could just take it, stealing Right.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: So so my understanding for conviction and church and that foundation did begin really early, so I'm really grateful for that.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: With that being said, that also was, in a way, a hindrance to me, because I had generations of religion that I grew up in and, yes, there was a lot of relationship too.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: But my parents, excuse me, grew up very strict.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: My mom like no makeup, no jewelry.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I always tease and say they don't know what to do with me.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I have like bedazzled nails most of the time and they're just like who are you?
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: My dad, of course the same way, but the male version.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: So he would be sitting in church and a pastor would preach at him from the pulpit about his shiny rims and how.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: That was too much.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: So there was a lot of unhealth in the way that I was raised Again, although I'm very grateful that they took me to church and they knew how to tell me about Jesus.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Of course they were still dealing with we like to call it the residue.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: So they had accepted Jesus, they did know him and there was just a lot that they were undoing from how they were raised.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, then I go to high school.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Of course I'm skipping some steps here and I'm just.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I've been very serious about the Lord.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I committed, probably in middle school at church camp, that I would not have sex before I was a year old.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I would not drink alcohol.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: That was a part of the tradition, the denomination we were in and I meant it.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: And so then I go to high school, I start bringing like loads of kids with me to youth group.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, my heart is just about Jesus.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Then I go to college and one thing I've always been told from my parents is that you're not better than anyone.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: You love everyone, right.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: And so I get there and I meet Lamoris literally at orientation.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: That was my fangirl experience and I, like, didn't think much.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: And the reason I didn't think much I mean of course I thought he was cute and all of that, but was because my parents had always told me that I could never marry a black man.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: That was like the one thing that I do know for sure you can't break a mom.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: So it didn't really cross my mind.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: And then things got a little deeper, and one thing led to another.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Here we are, so everything worked out.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: But, with that being said, that was a huge piece of my testimony of just ransacking scripture and finding out what the Lord said and walking through that with my family and, yeah, so that was honestly that was a huge part of where my testimonies began.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: And of course, there have been many, many since that day, but that was the first time in my life where I was like, wait what Like?
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Everything's going well.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I love Jesus.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: You do too.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: This is fine, so yeah.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when I met her we talked on the phone till about five in the morning.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: We got on at about midnight.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: We talked about five in the morning and at the end of the call, she goes.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: I have to be honest with you.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: My parents won't agree with me liking you because you're black.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: And when Warren says well, that's okay, because I won't date you without your dad's permission.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And then I was like oh no, who is this guy?
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I love him.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: So that was really dicey for me immediately, because I mean, guys, just don't say that it doesn't matter that it's 2025 and it did not matter that it was 2004.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Hearing that, I was like oh, he's serious and he's different.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: And that began a very long journey of three and a half years of Lamar's calling my dad.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, from Olivette.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Now her parents are three and a half hours away and I will call him and ask if I could take her out.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: He would say no.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he'd say no more.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: So I don't think that's a good idea and I.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: The irony here, which we laugh about randomly, is that my maiden name is petty and we were just walking through the definition of that word.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: But it was so powerful too because, like we know and like we can say as believers, of course kids in high school or in college are not thinking this way at the time, but we can very easily say now that this was bigger than just us.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this was for a whole.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: God had a whole trajectory planned for my family, for his family, for covenant culture ministries right, this marriage ministry we never imagined having, and so I'm glad that we had to go through the character refining tests.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: It was real.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: But I'm also grateful for that, because I know that God was teaching us so much during that time.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and so yeah, like she said, that took a three and a half year journey of her parents saying no, no, no, and even in that three and a half years we could see glimpses of God's grace that we were supposed to be together, right, there was still character things I had to work out in me.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: We were still kind of honoring our parents, right, like we knew we wanted to do it the right way, and in my mind I'm like I already have a strike against me because of the color of my skin.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: So my heart was to be above reproach, to not give any kind of evidence or credence to the false idea of me being an African-American male.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Right, so now you have to be perfect.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah Right, and I know I'm not perfect, so we were seeing God even do a work in us as we're trying our best to honor her parents.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: And after that three and a half years I called him and I said you know, mr Petty, I'm calling to officially ask you if I can date your daughter.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: And he says yes, but right, and then it felt like the longest pause in my life.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: He said I want to talk to you first, and so I ended up.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: That was in May.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: I drove down in June.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Well, we drove down together.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we drove down in June and then I was walking out of their home.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: He's in front of me, I'm behind him, walk through the door and it's a beautiful, beautiful morning.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: I mean Saturday morning is absolutely sunny.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: It's not a cloud in the sky, literally.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: And, mind you, they live next to acres of farmers, so it's, I mean, it's just clear blue skies, beautiful, yeah.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: But he turns around and he has tears in his eyes and he goes Lamar, first I want to ask you to forgive me for being racist.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: And then, secondly, he said, had I not seen Christlike character in you, I would have never given you permission to date my daughter.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: And we hugged.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: And only way I can express the moment with the picture is it felt like when Jesus, after his baptism, when the Holy Spirit descended and rested on him.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: That's exactly what it felt like in that moment.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: While we were hugging, it was almost like the Lord's presence blanketed us.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: I started crying, he's crying, we're hugging, and it was just a powerful moment.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: And I'm over by the barn, I don't know, a few hundred feet away, just petting a horse.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Why are they hugging?
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Why is there tears?
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're all so happy and I'm like I am so confused.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I remember I've listened.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: When you guys launched the podcast it was like three or four weeks in, I think that you had been doing it.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: When I saw that you had the podcast and I was driving to Indiana for my daughter's basketball games and I I started binge listening and I remember driving down the highway and listening to it's episode two and I'll make sure to link it in the show notes titled this is us, where you guys were telling the same story and I I just listening to it again this week to get ready for the interview.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I already knew what was coming in the story and I'm still like, like sobbing, just picturing that story of her dad turning and, you know, apologizing for being racist and Megan you in the podcast at some point it might've been that same episode.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Use the analogy that for me was so powerful and I think is I would love for you to share it about the ham and how somebody had been cooking their ham and to me that was such a visual like kind of an awakening of.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I need to examine a lot of the things that I do in my parenting, in my marriage, in friendship, in how I communicate and expectations, because we do we learn so much?
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not even all bad, but it just becomes second nature how we operate.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Would you share just that kind of analogy?
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, and I think, even hearing you explained it even more to me, right, but that's what happens, that's what the Lord does.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I just shared there's kind of a funny little story.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: This girl, she's baking her hand and a friend is over and she's like, uh, she cuts the end off of her hand, puts it in the oven, and her friend's like, oh, why did you cut the end off of your hand?
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Does it make it juicier, more tender?
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: And she was like I don't know, that's a good question.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I'll have to ask my mom.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: She always did it, so I do.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: So she gets her mom on the phone and she asks her mom and her mom's like I have no idea why I cut the end off my hand.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: My mom always did it, so I did it too.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: So they get grandma on the phone, right, and they're like grandma, why did you always cut the end off of your hand?
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Like what did this actually provide?
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: What was it doing for us?
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: And she's like oh, I don't know why you guys cut the end off of your ham.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: I did it because my pan was too small.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And that gives me the articulation for the scripture that transformed my life, which is that the tradition of man makes the word of God of no effect.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: We continue to do things into your point they're not always bad things, right but when we're doing them out of a space of like, we don't actually know why we're doing them, Right.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: That just speaks to the motive of your heart and the decisions you are making.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: And the just again to your point, the self examination and evaluation of what do I need to like, take inventory of what do I just do, because I've always done it and I don't really have a good reason or or know why we do that.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: And that, for me, was a very clarifying scripture when it came to us, because I was like okay, so we always love everyone.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: We don't treat anyone poorly.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Everyone is a child of God, right?
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: These are the things I was learning.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: And then I'd come home on breaks and there'd be a stack of papers on my desk of why it was not okay to be with a different race, and so that obviously provided confusion, and I also knew that the author of confusion was Satan.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: So I was just going through a lot Like I felt bad, made my parents question things and, second guess, I hadn't ever done anything up until this point.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Life looked just difficult with them and we were having difficult conversation and there was tension and unspoken tension, and we had never gone through that.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: So I was like man, is this even worth it?
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: Right, but that scripture for me was more than even just us.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: It was what in my life, with my relationship with the Lord, have I not taken responsibility for?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: What in my life do I need to be aware of and how can I grow from here?
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I can't even imagine so you get through and again your parents aren't bad people.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I saw you were just with your parents and you know you love your parents and they're good, god loving people that had this false narrative that was passed down to them.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: And for you guys to keep pursuing that.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: God, lamar, is for you.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Gave you the strength three and a half years.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Most guys would be like dude, this is too much work.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, as a parent, I'm like that's the kid.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I want to marry my daughter because if he's going to fight like that for three and a half years and be patient and honor us, how has you guys following that path and then ultimately getting to the point that you have approval, that you have your father-in-law not at the time, but your current father-in-law apologizing for recognizing that he was racist and how that had to transform.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Now what's happening in your guys' family?
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: You have four beautiful children, who you know interracial, and I imagine that it looks totally different now and how has that impacted generationally?
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: I think Megan kind of alluded to it earlier that this experience with us was bigger than us, that God has used this relationship literally to impact their entire family.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: And so my father-in-law has five brothers.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: That's a different story.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: No five, wait, four brothers.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: There's five of them, yeah.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: And so we don't even tell their side of how they treated me or even her.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: She has three older brothers.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: It was the same as well, so you would never have known that they had any beef against me today.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: They love me.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right you would never have known that they had any beef against me.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: Today they love me.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: So we realized that what God was doing in us has transformed an entire legacy of family as far as our children is concerned.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: One of the first things I said to my in-laws is a joke, and I still say it today I was like y'all almost missed out on the cutest kids.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: You got the cutest grandkids.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: So really you should thank us.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: Okay, none of your brother's grandkids even touched these.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: No, ain't no white man going to give you that Exactly.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Wait, I want to piggyback on something too, because the truth is like we've heard our story a few different times.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Honestly, not a lot, not often.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: But of course, people come up to us because you can see and once you've heard, like, oh, they get it right.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: They've walked through some hard things and for the most part I'm trying to think if I know one, but for the most part I think this is the truth.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know a couple of it actually, just and this is not to toot our horns, honestly, but it's going back to your question and I think it's a very important fact and most people don't consider this because it's painful and it's a difficult experience and nobody wants to walk through it.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: But most people don't.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: They're not patient in the process and so they want what they want and they do and kind of cheat and go around it and whatever Versus we had both decided.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: The night he said well, I won't date you without your dad's permission.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: He meant it and that helped me because I felt the same way.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like we could be doing whatever we want.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: They wouldn't even know.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: But I didn't want that either.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Neither one of us wanted that, and I think that even more fruitful than some of the little experiences we could talk about is the fact that I don't know that you would have just seen us together with my family and spending time with them had we not gone about it in this way, because the whole point was to point back to Jesus and for the Lord to break the back of racism off of my family and off of future generations.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: That was the point.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: So if we would have missed that and and no, we didn't again, of course we didn't do things perfectly but if we would have missed that and not been patient and not been obedient, I think the outcome would have looked so much different, and I don't know that we would have missed that and not been patient and not been obedient.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: I think the outcome would have looked so much different.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: And I don't know that we would have ever had their blessing and I don't know that we would have ever been married, honestly.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: So we watch other people and the shortcuts and again, this is no shame or condemnation, it's just the reality of like.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: If there is someone listening, there is a couple needing this to know like do it the right way, god can back that he honors his word, but when we don't do it the right way, we can't be surprised by the outcome.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: That is just kind of mediocre.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: And we say like this if you want God's best, you do it God's way.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: Right and we know that our decisions has impacted our kids in profound ways.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Even in the race piece we teach our kids that they are biracial.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: We know the world labels them one way, but we teach them from a kingdom perspective.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're like you're black anyway, yeah, you're first a child of God, but this is how the world gonna view you.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: So your last name's Crawford.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: You're gonna walk in integrity, you're gonna walk in character and you're gonna love people.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: So You're going to walk in integrity, you're going to walk in character and you're going to love people.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: So I think even in our experience it has impacted our kids and them knowing our what happened, that in just a short handful of years you went from finding God at 19 to I'm going to go into ministry to then.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: How did you guys end up working with the NFL primarily, I mean as a chaplain, but I'm assuming that's where a lot of the passion for covenant marriage came from assuming that's where a lot of the passion for covenant marriage came from.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: So we ended up being an admissions counselor at Olivet for six years and I had felt a call to ministry fairly early, about a year after I came to Christ and the Bears.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: One of the things that triggered my passion for pro athletes was the Bears training camp was at Olivet and I was asked to be a door monitor for the players.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: So I would find myself in these spiritual conversations and I remember, you know, I would be my my.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: They had the curfew at about 11 o'clock so I was off at about one and I remember just walking back to my apartment like man, this is awesome, like like I could just feel like a passion birthing in me and so that kind of began the passion.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: And then the Lord just did a few other miracles and one of those was we had the opportunity of meeting the chaplain from the Chicago Bears at the time I was serving a coach there and his son, and after that conversation we both was like and his son, and after that conversation we both was like man, this could be something that we do like as a ministry.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Well, he was like are you ready to be a chaplain in the NFL?
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Like do you know what that sacrifice is?
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: And Lamar was like yes, and I'm just smiling and sitting there.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: And he's like, what about you?
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And I was like inside thinking I didn't know I was also going to be a chaplain.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: But I immediately just said yes because I knew God had called us to ministry and I knew the desires he had, and so I'm like I'm in and that's yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: That is what opened our understanding to like, oh, this is a real possibility.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then through another miracle of events, I ended up in a relationship with the chaplain from the Indianapolis Colts at the time, and at the time I met him he had been a chaplain there for 25 years, and so he began just to kind of download me with kind of the ministry to pro athletes and then he asked me if I would be a chapel speaker.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: So then I started doing chapel services for NFL teams and then my passion is just over.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: I mean I'm ready, like I could do this for the rest of my life.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because we didn't even know it was a job.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: We're like, oh well, this makes so much sense, yeah, and so then we ended up from that those chapel services, our name began to circulate a little bit.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: From that, those chapel services, our name began to circulate a little bit, and we got approached by a pro ministry through Campus Crusade called Athletes in Action.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: And so they recruited us to come on staff and one of the assignments that was open was the Cincinnati Bengals.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: And so we went, met with Coach Lewis, interviewed, and it was an instant click.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: And so that's how we ended up start serving, start to serve in the NFL.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: But it is funny because, like all of those situations where only the Lord could have done it Right, even the relationship with the Colts Chaplain that did come through one of my really good friends, through our friend, because of their relationship, but even it's so interesting, like all of it was like oh yeah, wanted to introduce you to someone.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so it was nothing.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Oftentimes people will say like how did you guys get involved?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: How did you like that's what I want to do, how do we do that?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: And we're like, honestly, god did this and that's how we all want it right, and it doesn't mean don't pursue what you feel called to or that the Lord's leading you in no, of course.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: But it's also really beautiful because a piece of it is just supernatural when he's calling you right.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Man doesn't bring the promotion God does.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Right, right and with opening doors that you would have never been able to open for yourself if you were trying to pound him down.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: So it's so clear that that's where he was building that passion in you.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: I think it's hilarious that you were the door monitor for the professional athletes, who knew that was a thing, but that's a funny job.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there's some stories there.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: So talk to me a little bit about this covenant culture.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: So I know you guys talk a lot in this ministry about how most of us look at our marriage as more of a contract and that's kind of how the world looks at it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: And in a typical contract there's a lot of ways you can get out of something or there's that loophole or this person didn't live up to that, and just how a marriage that is faith-based, that's centered on Jesus, how marriage looks so different and what that covenant culture in marriage is.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean we teach a couple principles.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: Number one is that god started humanity with the marriage and he's going to end it with one and so this is how significant marriage is to god, that he has centered the human race, the church.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Who is the bride in our soon coming husband?
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: This is the whole narrative of the kingdom.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: It's a marriage right.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: And so God, in his infinite grace, spoke to Megan and told her, woke her up out of her sleep.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, she was about to go to sleep.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: I was sleeping.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was awake.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: She woke you up out of your sleep.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: He told her I want you to have a marriage that's never been seen before.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: And honestly, I just cried because I was like I don't even know what that means.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: That's not even how.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: If I were saying it, I wouldn't have even articulated it that way.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: And so I just asked him why?
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Because that's just our human nature.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I'm like what, why?
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: And in very God-like fashion he said because I love you.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: And then I just cried and was like we should tell the Morris.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: But yeah, that is, that's one of our principles.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Another principle we teach is that God created marriage to make us wholly not happy, and that doesn't usually rub people the right way at first but, the reality is like happiness comes when you're being obedient and you're living and you know your identity and whose you are and how to operate, and when you actually get what agape love means, and then you're happy because you're living in the fruit of good decisions and of godly choices and in his will, right Versus.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, holiness matters so much to him and he is concerned about our character and our motives Because, yeah, holiness- matters so much to him and he is concerned about our character and our motives.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and so this idea of covenant was God's idea.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that he would say I am going to enter in an agreement with you, that's bound.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: Catch this by death and blood forever.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: And so the ignition of a covenant, especially in marriage, is that you die to get in and you die to get out.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: And so if we can get couples to understand covenant first, it'll ignite your motive to want to fight to stay in it.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Right, Because that's exactly what God did with us.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Jesus' death blood being spilled, entered us into a new covenant with God.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: It's true.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: And so he says okay, here is the principle.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Now take that in your marriage.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: The moment you stand at the altar and I say I do, the pastor says I want to introduce to you for the very first time.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: That's an interesting statement, because when you both walk out off that stage, there's the old you that stays, that's the death.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: So when you walk into new covenant, the old you dies and you're on a journey for the rest of your marriage of dying to yourself to love your spouse, and the journey is to become one.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: And so covenant is very significant, and if we can get couples to have a revelation of covenant when it's in you, you always fight for what's in you.
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: You don't fight for what you know, because what you know can be changed, but when something's being revealed in you, it can never be taken away.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: And man, how many marriage therapists would not be needed if we in marriage Probably I don't want to say every, because that's a broad statement, but a huge percentage of marriages that are struggling if you could go back to that die to get in.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: There's probably the root of most marriage issues that stem from one or both not being willing to die to self just that selfishness.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: And so this is your guys' whole life now and you focus primarily on marriages.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: And it's interesting because you work with what the world would say is the dream scenario that you've got people who have success and they have finances and they have fame, and I'm sure that you see as much, if not more, pressure and struggle on marriage.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: And what are you guys seeing when and I know you work with not just professionals, that's a big part of your job but you do a lot of marriage retreats with smaller groups and a lot of speaking at marriage conferences what do you see is the biggest issue facing marriages today?
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: That's a good question.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I mean I will go back to this because this popped into my heart how you are reiterating what he said that we say this often but the reason marriages don't work is because one or both parties refuse to change.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: So that goes right back to the dying yourself, right?
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's a few.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: I feel like that is definitely one of them, because we get so puffed up and so prideful and you know I'm going to fight for me and live for me and forget what the Lord has called us to.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: And that's the truth.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: I really do mean forget.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: God has said since the beginning remind you and your children and your children's children do not forget.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: So it's truly been something that I wouldn't even say is a malicious act.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: It's just like we're taught to defend us ourselves.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: But, instead, when you recognize like this has to be a life given to God first and then identity, and if we don't have our identity set in him, I mean, it's hard.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: We are in a world that is all over the place.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: When it comes to identification, id yourself, however, you want to say what you want and it is fought for and validated, and when we just take it scripturally, we know what the word says and we need to be reminded again of what our true identity in him is, and there wouldn't be so many questions.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: But that's just my perspective.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: What would you say?
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I think that's great.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: I think, whatever the fruit of a marriage is, let's say, to answer your question, the biggest challenge right there's going to be different fruit that presents itself as a challenge in marriage but, I, think the root of that fruit is pride.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: I think for whatever issue in marriage, it will all stem right back to pride.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: That's really the biggest issue in any marriage that because of something you've done.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I will respond this way when agape love says, love keeps no record of wrong.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: And no matter how you respond.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: No matter how you respond, I'm responding to the Lord.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: That's right, because agape love is not dictated by the behavior of your spouse.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: Right that's between you and the Lord.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: So if I get out of agape, then pride settles in, and so I think the number one issue with every marriage is pride.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you can trace it to pride.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: It's true, yeah, that's powerful.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: And when?
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you, just you can take.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, even in my own head I'm running through some of my own things right Like huh, that might be a me issue, that might be a pride issue.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: And right Pride can be thinking too highly of yourself, and also it can be a pity party.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: It can be either one.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: It's when the focus is either I'm too good and I deserve better, or nobody cares about me, nobody sees me, poor little me.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: We don't think of that as pride.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: It really is both extremes there.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: All right, friends.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Well, I hate to do this, but we are going to pause the episode here and make you wait for a week.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: We have another 40 minutes of just jam-packed goodness.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Next week you can come back and hear there's going to be some good laughs next week.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: In the second part of this interview I asked Lamoris and Megan some spicy questions and it got pretty funny.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: So be sure to come back next week, not just for the spicy talk, but also just to have some more encouragement on how to fight for your marriage, how to really work in your marriage relationship with Christ at the center in a covenant style relationship, as well as how to put aside pride, one of the main roots of marriage struggles that they see in their work with couples.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: So much goodness to come next week.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I hope today was just a blessing for you.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: So many beautiful moments in hearing their story and hearing the redemption of just the racism that was able to be broken in the family lines, and just am so grateful for Lamoris and Megan sharing their story.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Friends, usually at the end of an episode I ask you to share this.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Of course, I'm gonna ask you to share this with a friend that you think might benefit from it Somebody who's walking into marriage maybe, is in a marriage that's struggling, or just in a marriage and could use just some good, fun and encouragement from the last 30 minutes that you just got to experience.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: I'm also going to ask you, if you don't mind, before you hop out of your app, wherever you listen, would you mind going and rating and or reviewing the show?
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Rating and reviewing is how we continue to get into the algorithms.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful and blessed for the way that this podcast continues to grow.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful and blessed for the way that this podcast continues to grow.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Recent stats show that we're in over 50 countries and have been aired in over 1,300 different cities, and I know that's because so many of you listeners are sharing this podcast with others and the word is getting around and we're getting into the algorithms and people are finding us here, which the main reason we want people here isn't for likes and for views.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: It's because we're passionate about cultivating strong families, and so we want that message to get to as many as possible.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: So an interview like today, we know it can influence relationships and it can influence families.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, when you come back to get the second half of this interview.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Take care.