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048 - 'ne'er To Be Found Again' · North and South

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  Speaker 1: Chapter forty eight of North and South. This is a
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  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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  Speaker 1: For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
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  Speaker 1: Recording by Michel Crandall North and South by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell,
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  Speaker 1: chapter twenty eight. Ne'er to be found again my own,
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  Speaker 1: my father's friend. I cannot part with thee I ne'er
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  Speaker 1: have shown thou ne'er hast known how dear thou art
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  Speaker 1: to me anonymous. The elements of the dinner parties which
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  Speaker 1: Missus Lennox gave were these her friends contributed the beauty
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  Speaker 1: Captain Lennox, the easy knowledge of the subjects of the day,
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  Speaker 1: and mister Henry Lennox, and the sprinkling of rising men
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  Speaker 1: who were received as his friends, brought the wit, the cleverness,
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  Speaker 1: the keen and extensive knowledge of which they knew well
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  Speaker 1: enough how to avail themselves without seeming pedantic or burdening
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  Speaker 1: the rapid flow of conversation. These dinners were delightful. But
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  Speaker 1: even here Margaret's dissatisfaction found her out. Every talent, every feeling,
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  Speaker 1: every acquirement, nay even every tendency towards virtue was used
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  Speaker 1: up as materials for fireworks. The hidden sacred fire exhausted
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  Speaker 1: itself in sparkle and crackle. They talked about art in
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  Speaker 1: a merely sensuous way, dwelling on outside effects. Instead of
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  Speaker 1: allowing themselves to learn what it has to teach. They
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  Speaker 1: lashed themselves up into an enthusiasm about high subjects in company,
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  Speaker 1: and never thought about them when they were alone. They
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  Speaker 1: squandered their capabilities of appreciation into a mere flow of
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  Speaker 1: appropriate words. One day, after the gentlemen had come up
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  Speaker 1: into the drawing room, mister Lennox drew near to Margaret
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  Speaker 1: and addressed her in almost the first voluntary words he
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  Speaker 1: had spoken to her since she had returned to live
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  Speaker 1: in Harley Street. You did not look pleased at what
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  Speaker 1: Shirley was saying at dinner, didn't I? My face must
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  Speaker 1: be very expressive, replied Margaret. It always was. It has
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  Speaker 1: not lost the trick of being eloquent. I did not like,
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  Speaker 1: said Margaret, hastily, his way of advocating what he knew
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  Speaker 1: to be wrong, so glaringly wrong, even in jest. But
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  Speaker 1: it was very clever, how every word told. Do you
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  Speaker 1: remember the happy epithets, yes, and despise them. You would
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  Speaker 1: like to add, pray, don't scruple though he is my friend. There,
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  Speaker 1: That is the exact tone in you that she stopped short.
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  Speaker 1: He listened for a moment to see if she would
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  Speaker 1: finish her sentence, but she only reddened and turned away.
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  Speaker 1: Before she did so, however, she heard him say, in
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  Speaker 1: a very low, clear voice, if my tones or modes
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  Speaker 1: of thought are what you dislike, will you do me
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  Speaker 1: the justice to tell me so? And so give me
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  Speaker 1: the chance of learning to please you. All these weeks
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  Speaker 1: there was no intelligence of mister Bell's going to Milton.
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  Speaker 1: He had spoken of it at Helstone as of a
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  Speaker 1: journey which he might have to take in very short
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  Speaker 1: time from then. But he must have transacted his business
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  Speaker 1: by writing. Margaret thought ere now, and she knew that
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  Speaker 1: if he could, he would avoid going to a place
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  Speaker 1: which he disliked, and moreover, would Little understand the secret
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  Speaker 1: importance which she affixed to the explanation that could only
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  Speaker 1: be given by word of mouth. She knew that he
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  Speaker 1: would feel that it was necessary that it should be done,
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  Speaker 1: But whether in summer, autumn, or winter, it would signify
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  Speaker 1: very little. It was now August, and there had been
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  Speaker 1: no mention of the Spanish journey to which she had
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  Speaker 1: alluded to. Edith and Margaret tried to reconcile herself to
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  Speaker 1: the fading away of this illusion, but one morning she
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  Speaker 1: received a letter saying that next week he meant to
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  Speaker 1: come up to town. He wanted to see her about
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  Speaker 1: a plan which he had in his head, and moreover,
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  Speaker 1: he intended to treat himself to a little doctoring, as
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  Speaker 1: he had begun to come round to her opinion that
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  Speaker 1: it would be pleasanter to think that his health was
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  Speaker 1: more in fault than he when he found himself irritable
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  Speaker 1: and cross. There was altogether a tone of forced cheerfulness
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  Speaker 1: in the letter, as Margaret noticed afterwards, but at the
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  Speaker 1: time her attention was taken up by Edith's exclamations coming
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  Speaker 1: up to town. Oh dear, and I am so worn
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  Speaker 1: out by the heat that I don't believe I have
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  Speaker 1: strength enough in me for another dinner. Besides, everybody has
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  Speaker 1: left but our dear stupid selves, who can't settle where
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  Speaker 1: to go. There would be nobody to meet him. I'm
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  Speaker 1: sure he would much rather come and dine with us
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  Speaker 1: quite alone than with the most agreeable strangers you could
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  Speaker 1: pick up. Besides, if he is not well, he won't
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  Speaker 1: wish for invitations. I am glad he has owned it.
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  Speaker 1: At last. I was sure he was ill from the
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  Speaker 1: whole tone of his letters, and yet he would not
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  Speaker 1: answer me when I asked him, and I had no
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  Speaker 1: third person to whom I could apply for news. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: he is not very ill, or he would not think
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  Speaker 1: of Spain. He never mentioned Spain. No, but his plan
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  Speaker 1: that is to be proposed evidently relates to that. But
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  Speaker 1: would you really go in such weather as this? Oh,
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  Speaker 1: what will get cooler every day? Yes, think of it.
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  Speaker 1: I am only afraid I have thought and wished too
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  Speaker 1: much in that absorbing, wilful way, which is sure to
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  Speaker 1: be disappointed or else gratified to the letter, while in
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  Speaker 1: the spirit it gives no pleasure. But that's superstitious, I'm sure, Margaret. No,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think it is only it ought to warn
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  Speaker 1: me and check me from giving way to such passionate wishes.
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  Speaker 1: It is a sort of give me children or else
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  Speaker 1: I die. I'm afraid my cry is let me go
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  Speaker 1: to Cadiz, or else I die. My dear Margaret, you'll
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  Speaker 1: be persuaded to stay there, and then what shall I do? Oh?
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  Speaker 1: I wish I could find somebody for you to marry here,
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  Speaker 1: that I could be sure of you. I shall never marry.
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  Speaker 1: Nonsense and double nonsense. Why, as Shulto says, you're such
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  Speaker 1: an attraction to the house that he knows ever so
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  Speaker 1: many men who will be glad to visit here next
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  Speaker 1: year for your sake. Margaret drew herself up haughtily. Do
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  Speaker 1: you know, Edith? I sometimes think your Corfu life has
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  Speaker 1: taught you well, just a shade or two of coarseness.
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  Speaker 1: Edith began to sob so bitterly, and to declare so
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  Speaker 1: vehemently that Margaret had lost all her love for her
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  Speaker 1: and no longer looked upon her as a friend. That
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  Speaker 1: Margaret came to think that she had expressed too harsh
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  Speaker 1: an opinion for the relief of her own wounded pride,
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  Speaker 1: and ended by being Edith's slave for the rest of
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  Speaker 1: the day, while that little lady, overcome by wounded feeling,
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  Speaker 1: lay like a victim on the sofa, heaving occasionally a
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  Speaker 1: profound sigh, till at last she fell asleep. Mister Bell
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  Speaker 1: did not make his appearance even on the day, to
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  Speaker 1: which she had for a second time deferred his visit.
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  Speaker 1: The next morning there came a letter from Wallace, his servant,
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  Speaker 1: stating that his master had not been feeling well for
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  Speaker 1: some time, which had been the true reason of his
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  Speaker 1: putting off his journey, and that at the very time
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  Speaker 1: when he should have set out for London, he had
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  Speaker 1: been seized with an apoplectic fit. It was, indeed, Wallace
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  Speaker 1: added the opinion of the medical men, that he could
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  Speaker 1: not survive the night, and more than probable that by
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  Speaker 1: the time miss Hale received this letter, his poor master
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  Speaker 1: would be no more. Margaret received this letter at breakfast
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  Speaker 1: time and turned very pale as she read it, Then,
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  Speaker 1: silently putting it into Edith's hands, she left the room.
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  Speaker 1: Edith was terribly shocked as she read it, and cried
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  Speaker 1: in a sobbing, frightened, childish way, much to her husband's distress.
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  Speaker 1: Missus Shaw was breakfasting in her own room, and upon
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  Speaker 1: him devolved the task of reconciling his wife to the
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  Speaker 1: near contact into which she seemed to be brought with death.
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  Speaker 1: For the first time that she could remember in her life,
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  Speaker 1: here was a man who was to have dined with
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  Speaker 1: them to day lying dead or dying instead. It was
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  Speaker 1: some time before she could think of Margaret. Then she
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  Speaker 1: started up and followed her upstairs into her room. Dixon
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  Speaker 1: was packing up a few toilette articles, and Margaret was
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  Speaker 1: hastily putting on her bonnet, shedding tears all the time,
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  Speaker 1: and her hands trembling so that she could hardly tie
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  Speaker 1: the strings. Oh dear Margaret, how shocking. What are you doing?
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  Speaker 1: Are you going out sholto? Would telegraph or do anything
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  Speaker 1: you like? I am going to Oxford. There is a
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  Speaker 1: train in half an hour. Dixon has offered to go
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  Speaker 1: with me, but I could have gone by myself. I
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  Speaker 1: must see him again. Besides, he may be better and
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  Speaker 1: want some care. He has been like a father to me.
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  Speaker 1: Don't stop me, Edith, but I must. Mamma won't like
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  Speaker 1: it at all. Come and ask her about it, Margaret,
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  Speaker 1: you don't know where you're going. I should not mind
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  Speaker 1: if he had a house of his own, but in
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  Speaker 1: his fellow's rooms. Come to Mamma and do ask her
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  Speaker 1: before you go. It will not take a minute. Margaret
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  Speaker 1: yielded and lost her train. In the suddenness of the event,
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  Speaker 1: missus Shaw became bewildered and hysterical, and so the precious
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  Speaker 1: time slipped by. But there was another train in a
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  Speaker 1: couple of hours, and after various discussions on propriety and impropriety,
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  Speaker 1: it was decided that Captain Lennox should accompany Margaret, as
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  Speaker 1: the one thing to which she was constant was her
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  Speaker 1: resolution to go alone or otherwise by the next train.
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  Speaker 1: Whatever might be said of the propriety or impropriety of
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  Speaker 1: the step, her father's friend, her own friend was lying
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  Speaker 1: at the point of death, and the thought of this
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  Speaker 1: came upon her with such vividness that she was surprised
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  Speaker 1: herself at the firmness with which she asserted something of
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  Speaker 1: her right to independence of action. And five minutes before
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  Speaker 1: the time for starting, she found herself sitting in a
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  Speaker 1: railway carriage opposite to Captain Lennox. It was always a
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  Speaker 1: comfort to her to think that she had gone, though
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  Speaker 1: it was only to hear that he had died in
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  Speaker 1: the night. She saw the rooms that he had occupied,
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  Speaker 1: and associated them ever after, most fondly in her memory,
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  Speaker 1: with the idea of her father and his one cherished
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  Speaker 1: and faithful friend. They had promised Edith before starting that
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  Speaker 1: if all had ended, as they feared they would return
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  Speaker 1: to dinner, so that long lingering look around the room
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  Speaker 1: in which her father had died had to be interrupted,
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  Speaker 1: and a quiet farewell taken of the kind old face
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  Speaker 1: that had so often come out with pleasant words and
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  Speaker 1: merry quips and cranks. Captain Lennox fell asleep on their
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  Speaker 1: journe home, and Margaret could cry at leisure and bethink
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  Speaker 1: her of this fatal year and all the woes it
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  Speaker 1: had brought to her. No sooner was she fully aware
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  Speaker 1: of one loss than another came, not to supersede her
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  Speaker 1: grief for the one before, but to reopen wounds and
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  Speaker 1: feelings scarcely healed. But at the sound of the tender
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  Speaker 1: voices of her aunt and Edith, of merry little Sholto's
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  Speaker 1: glee at her arrival, and at the sight of the
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  Speaker 1: well lighted rooms, with their mistress pretty in her paleness
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  Speaker 1: and her eager, sorrowful interest, Margaret roused herself from the
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  Speaker 1: heavy trance of almost superstitious hopelessness, and began to feel
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  Speaker 1: that even around her joy and gladness might gather. She
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  Speaker 1: had Edith's place on the sofa. Shulto was taught to
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  Speaker 1: carry Aunt Margaret's cup of tea very carefully to her,
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  Speaker 1: and by the time she went up to dress, she
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  Speaker 1: could thank God for having spared her dear old friend
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  Speaker 1: a long or a painful illness. But when night came,
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  Speaker 1: solemn night, and all the house was quiet, Margaret still
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  Speaker 1: sat watching the beauty of a London sky at such
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  Speaker 1: an hour on such a summer evening, the faint pink
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  Speaker 1: reflection of earthly lights on the soft clouds that float
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  Speaker 1: tranquility into the white moonlight out of the warm gloom
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  Speaker 1: which lies motionless around the horizon. Margaret's room had been
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  Speaker 1: the day nursery of her childhood, just when it merged
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  Speaker 1: into girlhood, and when the feelings and conscience had first
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  Speaker 1: been awakened into full activity. On some such night as this,
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  Speaker 1: she remembered promising herself to live as brave and noble
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  Speaker 1: a life as any heroine she ever read or heard
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  Speaker 1: of in a romance, a life sans pure atsan's reproach.
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  Speaker 1: It had seemed to her then that she had only
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  Speaker 1: to will and such a life would be accomplished. And
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  Speaker 1: now she had learnt that not only to will, but
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  Speaker 1: also to pray was a necessary condition in the truly heroic,
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  Speaker 1: trusting to herself, she had fallen. It was a just
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  Speaker 1: consequence of her sin that all excuses for it, all
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  Speaker 1: temptation to it, should remain forever unknown to the person
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  Speaker 1: in whose opinion it had sunk her lowest. She stood
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  Speaker 1: face to face at last with her sin, knew it
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  Speaker 1: for what it was, mister Bell's kindly sophistry that nearly
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  Speaker 1: all men were guilty of equivocal actions, and that the
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  Speaker 1: motive ennobled the evil had never had much real weight
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  Speaker 1: with her. Her own first thought of how if she
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  Speaker 1: had known all she might have fearlessly told the truth
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  Speaker 1: seemed low and poor. Nay, even now, her anxiety to
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  Speaker 1: have her character for truth partially excused in mister Thornton's eyes,
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  Speaker 1: as mister Bell had promised to do, was a very
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  Speaker 1: small and petty consideration, now that she was afresh taught
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  Speaker 1: by death what life should be if all the world spoke, acted,
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  Speaker 1: or kept silence with intent to deceive, if dearest interests
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  Speaker 1: were at stake and dearest lives in peril, if no
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  Speaker 1: one should ever know of her truth or her falsehood,
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  Speaker 1: to measure out their honor or contempt for her by
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  Speaker 1: straight alone where she stood in the presence of God,
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  Speaker 1: she prayed that she might have strength to speak and
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  Speaker 1: act the truth for evermore. End of Chapter forty eight,
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  Speaker 1: recorded by Michell Crandell, Fremont, California, October two thousand seven.