Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - I Waited My Whole Life to Drive a Human

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - I Waited My Whole Life to Drive a Human · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to very fine friends what are we doing today francis
• 0:21
  bonus
• 0:23
  me and bra
• 0:27
  Joe
• 0:30
  can we please get a suggestion
• 0:32
  your suggestion is
• 0:34
  domesticated
• 0:35
  domesticated
• 0:40
  yeah
• 0:41
  have you heard that wolves are like trying to
• 0:44
  domesticate themselves
• 0:45
  they're like buying property and stuff
• 0:48
  what are they doing to make this happen they're becoming friendlier to people like they're trying
• 0:54
  to get people to like shelter and feed them oh yeah it's like happening really quickly
• 0:59
  because they i think they're tired of being outside that's such a weird thing that like
• 1:06
  wolves have just decided to be pets well i think they see dogs and cats and it's like
• 1:13
  they want that for themselves seems better than what we're doing i could roll over
• 1:18
  wolves are quite huge right like do i say wolves yeah you said wolves i meant foxes
• 1:26
  i'm pretty sure i said you said wolves oh all right all right but okay so foxes are trying
• 1:33
  to do that yeah you're not talking about pretty ladies that's one of my favorite sayings by the
• 1:40
  way like someone's foxy samuel l jackson called gina davis that and um long kiss goodnight
• 1:46
  he said you foxy bitch and i always thought wow what a great saying yeah it's pretty good yeah
• 1:54
  foxy is flattering but the bitch part really yeah oh yeah oh you foxy bitch well sometimes
• 2:00
  the word bitch is nice like it's like a compliment like you bitch yeah like oh you like
• 2:07
  not just you yeah yeah i agree we should watch that sometime okay um okay so foxes are foxes
• 2:18
  want to be in the house okay well it's still weird that like an entire species is just like
• 2:23
  well i'm sure it's not all of them some of them still want to be free yeah yeah but i mean like
• 2:29
  does doesn that make you think like they been talking to each other i always wonder how animals communicate Like in how animals know just know things Yeah You know Like that incredible to me
• 2:40
  They must be talking.
• 2:42
  Yeah.
• 2:43
  Maybe even telepathically.
• 2:46
  Probably not telepathically.
• 2:47
  Maybe because, okay, this is kind of sad, but I'll tell you.
• 2:50
  I saw a, I read a thing once where it was saying how they did this horrible experiment.
• 2:53
  This is so sad.
• 2:54
  But basically they had a mama rabbit and she went in a submarine
• 2:58
  and they had her two babies on earth
• 3:00
  on land I meant
• 3:01
  and they killed one of the babies
• 3:04
  and when the baby was killed
• 3:06
  because the mama rabbit
• 3:08
  had like stuff attached to her
• 3:10
  like electrodes and stuff
• 3:11
  and when the baby was killed she raised the submarine
• 3:14
  to the surface
• 3:16
  of the water like she knew something happened
• 3:18
  what
• 3:21
  yeah
• 3:22
  this feels so made up
• 3:23
  how did she have control of a submarine
• 3:27
  who's letting that rabbit dry
• 3:31
  it's yeah it's not like a
• 3:32
  it's not like a potato clock
• 3:34
  like I think you would need a bit more power than that
• 3:37
  listen
• 3:37
  they didn't give me all the information necessary to tell
• 3:40
  people about this I just read
• 3:42
  about it a long time ago
• 3:44
  in the
• 3:46
  early 2000s maybe
• 3:48
  okay
• 3:50
  alright well listeners if you find
• 3:52
  this study whoever finds the study
• 3:55
  and sends it to us isn't that sad
• 3:56
  though if it was true use hashtag rabbit electrodes yep uh at very fine friends and then you will get
• 4:05
  a prize which is your own rabbit oh or not we'll decide what the prize is later yeah but if you do
• 4:11
  get a rabbit all of it's be prepared for it to commandeer your vehicle and now improv
• 4:26
  Katie, you're gonna love me.
• 4:30
  Oh, okay.
• 4:33
  I've solved your problem.
• 4:34
  You know how you always have so much work to do?
• 4:37
  Oh, my God, yes.
• 4:38
  And you're complaining that you lose time when you're driving.
• 4:41
  Also, you don't want to take public transportation because of, you know, whatever.
• 4:45
  I know, I know.
• 4:47
  I got you one of them dog driving cars.
• 4:53
  What?
• 4:54
  Yeah.
• 4:54
  it's a it's a greyhound oh like a greyhound bus no like a greyhound dog and he's gonna drive your
• 5:03
  car he was trained to do this at the institute for talented pets whoa i i didn know this was a thing i know i been keeping it from you Every time you go to the internet I block the website so you can see it
• 5:17
  Ha ha!
• 5:18
  Uh, Peter.
• 5:19
  Kiss me, Katie.
• 5:20
  Kiss me now.
• 5:22
  Love ya.
• 5:24
  Well, let's see.
• 5:25
  Oh, oh, look, oh, there he is.
• 5:27
  Oh, he's got a little,
• 5:29
  he's got a little cap on.
• 5:31
  Like he's a driver.
• 5:33
  Good morning, miss.
• 5:35
  Oh!
• 5:36
  Oh, he speaks.
• 5:39
  Hi, I'm Katie.
• 5:41
  Katie, Mittens Madobo.
• 5:45
  Mittens Madobo.
• 5:46
  Pleasure to be at your service.
• 5:48
  Can I just say, whoa, waiting my whole life to drive a human?
• 5:52
  Well, I gotta say, I'm thrilled about this.
• 5:57
  This is going to be such a time saver.
• 5:58
  Can I just say, you seem delightful.
• 6:03
  I feel like we're going to get along swimmingly.
• 6:05
  Ah, me heart swells and bubbles.
• 6:08
  Oh, Mittens, are you...
• 6:10
  Are you a bit British?
• 6:14
  Aye, just a bit, miss.
• 6:16
  From all around Britain.
• 6:18
  I've been driving since I was a pup.
• 6:20
  Now get in, let's go, let's take you somewhere.
• 6:22
  Okay, um, well, it's almost nine, let's go to work.
• 6:27
  All right, is your husband back in the house?
• 6:30
  Yeah, yeah.
• 6:30
  I don't know what to do.
• 6:32
  Oh my god, Mittens.
• 6:33
  I don't know what I'm doing.
• 6:35
  Mittens. What? What do you mean?
• 6:37
  No. Well, don't start driving.
• 6:39
  So many levers. Let's go. Let's go.
• 6:41
  Oh, God.
• 6:42
  No. Read your book, Katie.
• 6:45
  Get something out of this.
• 6:47
  Mittens. Mittens.
• 6:49
  Oh, God.
• 6:51
  What am I?
• 6:52
  Pull over. I can't. You like being on the curb?
• 6:54
  I kind of like it.
• 6:57
  Watch out. Watch out for that.
• 6:59
  Oh. Sorry, Mrs.
• 7:01
  Flattery.
• 7:03
  Oh, I'm so sorry.
• 7:04
  Don't humanize him. Let's go.
• 7:07
  Mittens, mittens, what happened to your accent?
• 7:10
  I'm not really British.
• 7:11
  What?
• 7:12
  I'm from a kennel in Nebraska.
• 7:15
  Oh, my God.
• 7:16
  Katie, can I call you Katie? I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
• 7:19
  Yeah? No, well, don't get on the freeway. What are you doing?
• 7:23
  Honk, honk. Get out of the road, you p-d-
• 7:24
  Mittens, mittens, mittens.
• 7:28
  What are you working on back there?
• 7:30
  I'm working on not dying.
• 7:32
  Oh, God.
• 7:33
  no mittens okay just just breathe just calm down just calm down
• 7:37
  okay pull pull over to the side of the road all right love looks like we got to your destination whoa yes oh my god we at my office yeah yeah we know what we doing here loves what mittens what happened to your nebraska accent i don
• 7:54
  know what you're talking about mittens get out of the car katie we shared a moment mittens a moment
• 8:00
  i drove you were driven that's all mittens we both almost died that bonds
• 8:08
  a lady and a greyhound together.
• 8:13
  You can't deny that.
• 8:16
  Everyone's denying anything, Katie.
• 8:18
  The moment's passed.
• 8:19
  It was what it was.
• 8:20
  We'll always have 9th Street.
• 8:22
  Get out.
• 8:24
  Okay, but how am I going to get home
• 8:26
  after work's over?
• 8:27
  I'll be back, Katie.
• 8:29
  Okay.
• 8:30
  All right.
• 8:33
  Cut to 5.57pm.
• 8:36
  Oh, Mittens, you're back. Good, thank God.
• 8:41
  All right, miss. Hop in the car, love.
• 8:43
  Okay, okay, so I'm assuming from your accent that this is a version of you that remembers how to drive.
• 8:50
  I don't know what you're talking about.
• 8:52
  All right.
• 8:52
  I'm a trained dog. A dog who drives.
• 8:56
  A dog who uses his paws for levers and brakes and steers the wheel, yeah?
• 9:01
  All right, well, you got me here the first time.
• 9:04
  Just bring me home, if you can, please.
• 9:06
  To Peter.
• 9:07
  To Peter.
• 9:10
  I don't know what to do.
• 9:14
  No, not again.
• 9:16
  I'm scared.
• 9:17
  Mittens, mittens.
• 9:19
  Katie.
• 9:22
  Mittens, this is part of your process or something.
• 9:25
  Oh, my God.
• 9:25
  We're going the wrong way.
• 9:27
  I'm from Britain, that's why.
• 9:29
  I thought you were from Nebraska.
• 9:32
  I pooped.
• 9:32
  Oh, God, you did.
• 9:34
  It's everywhere.
• 9:35
  Welcome home, miss.
• 9:38
  We're back at my house.
• 9:41
  And here comes Peter.
• 9:43
  I'll see you tomorrow morning.
• 9:45
  What?
• 9:46
  Babe.
• 9:48
  Mittens?
• 9:49
  Did you just call me babe?
• 9:53
  Peter.
• 9:54
  Oh, Peter.
• 9:55
  Hi.
• 9:56
  Oh, you're back.
• 9:57
  Yeah.
• 9:57
  I told you you were going to love me, Katie.
• 9:58
  Uh, yeah.
• 10:00
  This was...
• 10:02
  No shit in the car!
• 10:05
  Seed.