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What to Say to a Grandchild Who Is Hurting · Calm the Chaos with Rich Christiansen

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that means you'll never know.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what I did know is this little girl was deeply loved and she was deeply hurting.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I couldn't help but draw a conclusion of what would I tell my grandchild if they found themselves deeply in that scenario?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I I came to three things.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: The first is this hurts not going to last forever.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to carry this alone.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Allow others to be there and support you and be with you.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hello.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be an abbreviated version today.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I are getting ready to go down to Argentina, and a member of my team, Tim, insisted we had to get a podcast in to keep congruence, so I've got a good one for you today.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: A really fun message.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh one that popped out of my travels in Belgium uh this past summer.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one that's really deeply relevant that I'm I'm kind of excited to talk about.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe we'll wrap up on a little bit of personal note of why I'm going to Argentina and uh why it's relevant to actually what you should be doing too.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Without uh doing that spoiler alert and ruining it right out of the gate.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me let me take you back to Bruges, Belgium.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We were on a 30-minute uh drive into the city, and if you haven't been to Bull uh Bruges, you gotta do it.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's like Christmas town, it's a medieval city, just amazing.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, uh one of the the most beautiful statues, one of the Michelangelo statues, or actually uh that's outside of Italy, is there in Bruges.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so really excited to go into this uh old medieval canal town.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And on the bus ride in, we were sitting next to this uh just very eclectic, kind of fun, loving, quirky family.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And first thing that I noticed was the father was cracking just the worst bad dad jokes you can ever imagine.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he was flirting with his wife very awkwardly as she was giving him like a lot of grief but engaging it in great humor, talking about kiss and ride, and he was trying to convince her for the longer the uh ride the more kisses he would get.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: The grandfather was sitting one seat up and then the grandmother was sitting next to this young fourteen, fifteen year old girl.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And as I saw this uh beautiful young woman, uh my my heart kinda sank.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: She had uh cuts all over her, some deep, some shallow, but just covering her arms and her legs.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I instantly tried to make sense of it.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching this family, I was instantly trying to I mean, isn't it crazy how we as humans we just have to figure it out, we have to have a conclusion, a tidy little thing we can put a bow on and twist it up and put it in the box.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so here I found myself just wrestling with this as I was watching the dynamics is is there some abuse going on?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about is there is there uh a terrible thing happen?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is there some dysfunction?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I mean the Logato family guy was trying to get stability for this family.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell you, at the end of watching this, uh every appearance, everything that I could gather was this was not only a functional family, but a loving family.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is I'll never know.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that means you'll never know.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what I did know is this little girl was deeply loved and she was deeply hurting.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: As I kind of draw a conclusion to that, it kind of troubled me the whole day.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And on the bus ride back, they weren't in our bus, but I found myself just reminiscing of what would I, which it's a little ironic that that's where I went to.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's no conclusion to this.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, I I couldn't help but draw a conclusion of what would I tell my grandchild if they found themselves deeply in that scenario.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I I came to three things.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: The first is is this this hurts not going to last forever.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so maybe maybe it's okay to pass on for it.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is is you don't have to carry this alone.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the third is is allow others to support you.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do this all alone.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Allow others to be there and support you and be with you.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're enjoying this episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like to receive more tools, frameworks, support, and resources, go to rich Christiansen.com and they're all there available for your free use.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, I I think that we all have these challenges in our life.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if I could just, I I wish I honestly just wanted to kind of hug this little girl and just tell her, let it go, let it go, whatever it is, let it go.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes we as humans were like crawdads.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've seen crawdads, but if you throw an old stinky rotten piece of bacon down, that crawdad will snatch onto that piece of bacon and it will hold on to it all the way knowing that you're gonna cook it in its boiling pot.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: All you gotta do.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now try catching the little critter without that piece of bacon.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Good luck.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: They are speedy, sly, and they'll snap at you.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But if you throw that piece of bacon, it will grab onto that piece of bacon and all the way into your net will be snapping at you until you shake it off and then you have a nice uh fresh water tasty lobster pot.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we're kind of like that as humans.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we just hang on and hang on to things that we shouldn't be hanging on to.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to take this precious little girl and tell her whatever it is troubling you, just let it go, let it go and move forward and a big vibrant life.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Life has ups, I love my chigong, life has downs, and both are actually good.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we try getting stuck on the ups and live hyperactive or stuck on the ears, the down, poor as me woe of life that we get into trouble.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're big and sometimes we're small, and that's the order of things.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: The tide goes up and the tide goes out.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so we've just got to be able to roll and flow and embrace it when we have those down moments, but let's not get stuck on it.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't have to go through it alone.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're deeply loved.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And uh let it pass, let it pass.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's the advice that I would give.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if you if you find yourself deeply struggling or someone you love, you know, maybe those three little tidbits will come into play for you.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to finish a little bit on this Argentina thing.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my wife and I have really prioritized our health, and I recently um have helped facilitate uh some of the top top stem cell research in the world coming here to my home state.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited about this technology.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I I think first of all, because it it can be a game changer.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: But the the real thing I wanted to get at here is we've got to make sure that we prioritize our health.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Above all else, I've just discovered had a number of people really close to me that when we don't have our health, and we're always struggling with health, everything we want from that point.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just really encourage uh you all to make sure that you provide yourself.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't take a power hour, take a power half hour.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't take a power 15 minutes, please, for heaven's sakes, give yourselves 10 or 15 minutes to do a little exercise, do a little stretching, do a little breath work, and and take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is, is man, we're going fast right now, and this world is a firestorm, and our limbic systems just cannot sustain the intensity.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited after this little trip.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, we'll have a couple little pokes uh pokes and and uh some fun things, going to see uh Iguazoo Falls, one of the most beautiful large waterfalls in the world, right on the border of Argentina, Paraguay, and Brazil.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And man am I looking forward to that.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna collect a stone, put that on a rock board, and and really look forward to sharing that experience.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And hopefully a metal four will come out of that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I bless you, and I hope you also have a wonderful big adventure and and take care of yourself and remember that you're loved, someone loves you, and uh let things go that you're hanging on to, and uh don't have to go through it alone.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to seeing you on the next side on Calm the Chaos.