Latest / The Golden Chronicles / Episode 13: Assuming- You Know What They Say About Assuming....
Transcript
- Danielle: ⁓ Great. Check, check. Looks like our volume is good. Hello, hello, hello. Again. Hello, hello, hello. Let's maybe bring this closer. Can you slide it at the same time? Yeah. One, two, three. Might need to adjust your Yeah, that's that's good. You might need to adjust your or s sit back sub maybe. Hello, hello. Mine is on mute. Yeah, as it should be. Okay. Test, test, test. Yeah, great. Okay. Test test again. Test, test, test. Yep, great. Okay. okay. But if you're gonna be reading, maybe we does that help you read different? No. You're like this. Okay. My glasses are crap. All right. ⁓ Where is I'm Danielle. I'm Victoria. ⁓ there we go. Okay. Would you like to start or do you want me to start? ⁓ with the episode. The normal way we start the episode. I'm sorry? But just the normal way we start the episode. Hi, welcome to the Golden Chronicles Podcast. I'm Victoria, I'm a millennial. I'm Victoria. Are you starting at Lake Real? No. I'm a Vic I'm Victoria. I'm a Boomer. Hi, welcome to the Golden Chronicles Podcast. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome. If you're returning, welcome back. I'm Victoria, I'm a Boomer. And I'm Danielle, I'm the Millennial. And then I can get into what we think what the episode is about. And then you can read the first definition and I'll read the health for life counselling. Okay. we ready? Hi, welcome to the Golden's Chronic Hi, welcome to the Golden Chronicles Podcast. If you're Hi, welcome to the Golden Chronicles Podcast. If you're new, welcome. If you're a returning listener, welcome back. I'm Victoria and I'm a boomer. And I'm Danielle and I'm the Millennial. And we are so glad that you've joined us on this week's episode of the Golden Chronicles. Today we are going to take a deep dive into assumptions and what they mean and how they show up in our life, how they can be harmful, how they can be beneficial, all those things. So you know how we like to start it off with the definition. We're gonna get into the definition, so take it away. So assume to take upon oneself to play. Place oneself in, for example, a position. Assumption. The act of laying claim or taking possession of something and assuming that something is true. So cool. ⁓ I went and looked up what assumptions mean in relationships and how to explain them in relationships. And I found this really great definition on health for life con ⁓ sorry. I found this really great definition on Health for Life Counseling's website that says that ⁓ an assumption in a personal relationship is a belief that you accept as true or a conclusion that you draw about a person's thoughts, feelings, or motives without concrete evidence. ⁓ so it's more like assuming why a person acted a certain way. or why they have the current behavior that they did and it's often projecting our own fears or past experiences onto someone else and believing that we already know exactly what a person thinks or feels or wants without them having to actually say or clarify or even asking for clarity. ⁓ which I think shows up a lot in personal relationships. I know that that's one thing that has shown its head a lot in our relationship and so ⁓ we just wanted to have a discussion about that. so what are some examples of the things we assume? ⁓ personally I ⁓ assume that my mom will remember dates and times and schedules. I assume that well I assume that too. Yeah. I think in general in life, I assume that ⁓ conversations that I have will be remembered or that details that I share with people will be remembered, not in a remember every single detail, but like if we're talking about plans, but then assuming that, and sometimes I myself don't even remember conversations that we have, so whether that's a fair assumption or not, I don't know. I assume that most people have good intentions. ⁓ At least that's a hope and I think that that an assumption comes with that. What about you? What do you feel like are some things that you assume? For me, specifically in our relationship, I assumed that ⁓ my access to you would remain the same. I didn't take in consideration when you got married, ⁓ with a child I did not realize that that access would change. I just assumed that it would always be the same. But if I had taken a moment to think about it, of course, your the access to you will change. You don't your your your your time is now limited. Yes. I think that there is though a difference between assuming and observing, right? Like we should be it's one thing to be paying attention and to make calls based on or observations based on what you've seen. it's another thing to assume someone's motive behind it. So I guess to assume that my your limited your to assume that your limited access to me after, you know, getting married and being a stepmom, is because I'm mad at you or because they don't care. I think that's where assumptions ⁓ can become a problem. And sometimes I know in my case it's just a matter of me not being mindful, ⁓ not having pondered the situation. I'm an internal thinker. It takes me a minute to think and process information. And if I don't do that, those assumptions that I have kind of take over. And they I would ass I would have to say those assumptions cause me to have an incorrect ⁓ thought process as to what is actually happening or what needs to happen or something to that effect. Yeah. I think assumptions are like the story that we attached when we don't fully know all the information and so we just start to assume things and you know what they say about assuming. ⁓ What do they say? ⁓ but I think our brains just kind of start without it being a conscious decision, I think our brains jump in and start filling in the blanks before we even really have a chance to process the fact that we're actually a assuming. Right. Because an assumption is a way of thinking that is not based on facts. Right. So Well That's not always the case. How do you Because if a store says that they're open twenty four hours, we can assume that the store is going to be open. So When if you go It's a c a an a assumption can be based on facts. Okay. And I don't think yeah. Right. Okay, I agree. I agree. ⁓ why do you feel like you personally make assumptions aside from the fact that you don't realize that you're making assumptions? I think it has a lot to do in my case with what I think of myself. And then I project what I think on myself of myself on that other person. if I don't think I'm intelligent enough to give a response or make a plan, then if I'm in a conversation with the person concerning those type things, I'm automatically going to assume they think I'm stupid because with my negative self talk, maybe I'm thinking I'm stupid. Yeah. And I'm assuming that I've been told that before. ⁓ so everyone must be thinking that. I'm assuming that what I was told and what I have told myself is factual when it is not. Yeah. I think I assume sometimes in a way to protect myself or even to abs absolve my own responsibility in something, on my days where I assume at work I assume that someone else is taking care of X, Y, or Z. ⁓ and as that assumption, assuming that someone who I think should be responsible for that is doing it, like takes that responsibility away from me. Whether it's a f you know, fair or not, I don't know. But I think that sometimes that is a way. And then also to protect myself. So like if I assume that someone hasn't reached out 'cause they're not interested that I'm not like hoping for them to call or like if I'm waiting for To hear back about a job and they said they're gonna call on Friday and it's now the next Thursday and they haven't called. I'm just going to assume that they're not interested, so I'm not waiting around making plans. Although at the end of the day, sometimes by assuming, I end up just hurting myself, right? Because I'm not I don't have the facts I'm just assuming based on whatever information I've told myself and with some of the information that may be factual, but I'm not asking for clarity. And so sometimes I had a situation recently where I was expecting to. hear back from a job on Friday. I hadn't heard anything. I was trying to make some decisions. So I just wrote them off as not interested anymore. And then I was about twelve minutes away from making another decision to do something else. And then the opportunity that I really wanted that I assumed they'd gone in a different direction called back, which really I should have just asked for clarity, reached out, double checked with them. Fortunately it worked out and I even though I assumed I assumed too slow and so the they still had time to reach out. But I think, you know, to protect myself and then also to ab absolve myself of responsibility are some of the reasons why. I make assumptions and yeah. Can we talk about other reasons why people might make assumptions? Yeah. than we don't share how she doesn't realize she's making an assumption. I think I kinda said that already. Yeah, so I said you said you don't re we don't realise we're making assumptions. ⁓ it's easy to say ⁓ mental shortcut. You can say that. we kinda talked about to complete the story full holds on the information, fairly protective. We may assume to avoid asking vulnerable questions. Where are you? R ⁓ N three, why we make assumptions. Okay, so I know for me I definitely make an assumption when I just don't have the correct information. And I you know, I said before, I'm mistaken. And instead of even thinking that I'm mistaking ⁓ mistaken, I assume that what I'm thinking is correct when it is not. Yeah. Interesting. I think that ⁓ assumptions are also like I think a mental shortcut. So instead of having to do the mental work of figuring out what someone meant or what someone's going to do or whatever you're assuming, it's just easier for your brain to already fall back on that. Fall back on on an assumption and also sometimes it requires vulnerable questions and so to not or vulnerability. Sometimes getting clarity re I think also sometimes getting clarity requires vulnerability and so instead of ⁓ getting clarity on something we just Don't want be vulnerable, we don't want to ask those questions. We don't really want to know the answers, you know? And so we just don't ask and we just make assumptions and then the assumptions we can prepare for in our mind because we've made them up and we're able to prepare for those assumptions. And that's so good because why are we doing that? Yeah. Why are we just taking those assumptions and taking them as truth instead of questioning our thinking process? Maybe that would be Well, 'cause it's Questioning our thinking process takes a lot of brain power. It's not always comfortable. And so it's easier to just not. It's easier to just assume. And I think that assuming feels like a shortcut, but it's like the shortcut that actually, you know, adds seventeen miles to your journey. Even though it might take less time, it still adds more miles. I don't know. That's good. I would agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. What do you feel like fear plays a role in your assuming? Or what role do you feel like fear plays in your assuming? I wouldn't thinking about it right now, I wouldn't say that fear plays a part in my assuming. Because when I assume, it kind of takes away the fear. Because now I know, although I'm assuming But I'm telling myself that this is the truth. Yeah, so the f assuming feels protective. So the fear is whatever's on the other whatever the truth is. And so if you're able to assume, although you don't make it's not really conscious really, but subconsciously maybe the fear of whatever the answer is. For me, when you okay, so if I think about the fear, the fear now is then challenging who I believe that I am. Mm. If if I've been told certain things and that causes me to assume a certain way or a certain thing, now I have to confront that and look at what is really the truth. And so maybe that's where the fear lies. Now I have to challenge that assumption to get to the truth. Yeah. And that can take work. will I be able to accomplish that task? ⁓ so I guess that's where the fear comes in for me. Yeah, that's fair. Segue. ⁓ So, since this is the Golden Chronicles podcast, how are some ways that we see assumptions and assumings showing up in our relationship as mother child, child, mother? And what are some things that you see in other relationships where people assume, specifically thinking the parent child dynamic? I think the parent might assume that the child the adult child must listen to their advice. Or not must, should. Yeah. Sh I think the adult the parent is thinking that my advice is good and you should take my advice. That I think is the assumption. So maybe assuming that I have the answer for you. Yeah. At this point in your life. Right. Whereas I may have had the answer for you when you were ten. Yeah. This is what you're wearing to church today or whatever. Yeah. ⁓ but that you're not the same person as you were ten, sixteen, even twenty five. Yeah. I think the bigger thing of that is assuming that you're child, parents, partner, friend is who you knew them to be. Right? So child assuming that I am who I was when I was ten and giving advice for a ten year old, but I'm a thirty eight year old and so there's a lot more nuance to my life than what was present at a t as a ten year old. Which has a lot to do with what we were talking about several episodes ago when we were talking about roles and allowing people to change their roles in your life. I think that this plays into that too is assuming that people are the same people that they've always been. And fortunately, praise be that we all change. We have the ability to change, we have the capacity to change, and so sometimes we aren't the same p person that we were. And so assuming that we we were and that your advice for us is the same as This so on my Facebook or even in person I see people who have had the same hairstyle for thirty years. And it's time to change. And I think that that kinda relates to we get stuck in a different in a certain hairstyle that hasn't been in style for thirty years. But we get stuck in that. And that's kinda likened to we get stuck thinking that the role that this adult parent or this adult child is in, we s we we get stuck in that. Not the person themselves. They've moved on. But the one in relationship with them has gotten them stuck there. Yeah. I think too, personally, I sometimes have found myself just assuming that you as my parent should know things or have things figured out. ⁓ assuming that adults should have the answers, although being an adult I'm like, I don't know. I don't know anything, you know? But I think a lot of people assume that their parents have the relational aspects sorted and it is kind of hard when you realize that like maybe they don't have it all sorted but you just assume and that ta also ties into expectations, expecting them to have it figured out but or assuming, you know, maybe not yeah, I guess expectation as well. so I I think that's something that I have felt personally is assuming that you have the answers and then you're like, I don't know how to do this. And I'm like, why not? You've been on Earth for sixty five years, you know. But ⁓ yeah, making those assumptions. I think too, like with having a younger child, assuming that she has the skill set to make decisions, know information, ⁓ and assuming not just with a child, but assuming that anybody has the same information that I have, or assuming that they've processed the information in the same way that I have, or that they interpret the information in the same way that I have, that can get me in trouble sometimes 'cause I'm like, are we reading the same book or you know And I can see where that can really damage a relationship because if I'm assuming that you don't know what you're doing, you're gonna make the wrong decision. That's gonna have me that's gonna cause me to relate to you in a way that is based on what is not true. Yes. I think that this is a conversation that you and I have had before because sometimes in the past and I don't think that it's happened too much recently but it used to happen a lot, my mom would and I think we've talked about this on a little bit also she would react or respond to me in a way that didn't warrant how I responded. So I would she'd ask a question, I would answer, her response to my answer would be elevated and I would be like, Whoa, like I don't think that that her reaction like my response validated that reaction. But I think what was happening is you were expecting you were assuming that based on some other piece of data that I was going to respond a certain way and then even when I didn't in your mind you had already made up that that's how it's going to respond. So you weren't really able to hear how I was responding because you were already like, this is how she's going to respond. Does that make sense? Does that relate to tone? ⁓ perhaps maybe because tone is a conversation that you all know we've had. If you've listened to this podcast before, you know that Yeah, yeah, even a single time you'll know that that is something that is a struggle s you know, still in our relationship is tone. And so maybe because I'm sure there are times where I have a tone. And I'm sure as a teenager there were lots of times that I had a tone. but yeah, I guess assuming that it at this age it's it seems to be a little bit more personal than it was when you were a teenager. ⁓ now it seems as though it's purposely She's frustrated with me. She thinks I'm stupid. Whereas when you were a teenager if you had a tone, I didn't think those things. Yeah. Well, maybe my history of having a tone has now made led you to believe that I'm always going to have a tone so that even when I respond and I'm like, There is no tone, you're still assuming that there's a tone or and and even if there is a tone, assuming what the tone means. Assuming what the tone means. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think too, sometimes people assume that someone asking questions, specifically a parent or a partner or a close friend asking questions, is like a sign of disapproval or you're like questioning my judgment. I I see this a lot of times in work where I'll ask someone a question and I try to like make sure I'm phrasing my question in a way that doesn't seem accusatory. But like I if we're having a technical issue and I know that it's going to take time to fix, but I'm just curious are we working on it? What have we done already? Where w are we waiting for things? And so sometimes I'll ask my crew chief or whoever, Hey, where are we on this project? And sometimes people respond as if I'm like micromanaging them. And I'm like, I friend, friend. I do not care how long it's going to take. I just want to make sure that when someone asks me, when production management asks me what's the status on this, that I have an answer for them that I'm not like, ⁓ I don't know. Like I can say, this is what they've tried, this is what they're working on, this is where they're going, this is when we'll have an answer for you and so that I can be educated and I think that sometimes in parent child relationships specifically, you, parent, asking me questions about a d choice that I've made or something that I'm doing is like Why does it matter? You know, why do you care? Why are you judging me like that? But it's not always about that. And sometimes I'm assum I assume that a question is coming from a different place that it is, just like my texts sometimes assume that I'm trying to either micromanage them or that I don't trust them to do the job. It's not about not trusting me. It's not about not trusting them. It's about just trying to get information. So do you feel that it's your responsibility to clarify that before asking the question of where we are w where are we on this? ⁓ is it on the person who is being accused of a particular behavior or mindset or way of thought, is it on them to clarify it for the person who has made the assumption? ⁓ I don't know whose responsibility it is. I feel like I recognize the pattern that sometimes when I ask people Hey, what's the update on this project or whatever? Or where are we on this project? They get a little defensive and so I think when I notice that pattern I have to take a minute and be like, Okay, how am I asking this question in a way that is making people feel this way? Also, like I work in a industry with a lot of men, so I'm like, Is it that I'm a woman in the ⁓ like you know, just trying to understand why it's that way and then trying to do my part in making sure that I still need the information and I don't need you to be defensive in giving me the information. So whether it's my responsibility or not, yeah. Unsure, but I need this this is something that I need and so how can I Yeah. Yeah. I think you answered that question. It's not your responsibility. Yeah. Because what's happening is they're basing that on assumption on what has happened to them, just like I said. Yeah. Or their thoughts or whatever. Right. And so it's not your responsibility to clarify. You're not you're just trying to get the information. that you need. They know you need the information. Yeah. But there's something else in their mind and in the way of th that they think of themselves, that causes them to have a negative response or sensitivity. And it can be that like maybe I don't trust them and maybe they know that I don't trust them. And so I am in this moment asking for information but because of our past interactions, they already know maybe I've even told them I don't trust your judgment. Or mm I'm gonna ask for a second opinion. You know, I don't know what what has caused that. So ⁓ but I think yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if I notice that you have an assumption about me, ⁓ if I explain what you think you see is an assumption, would you believe me? Mm You think that I'm assuming something and you try to explain to me why that's an assumption and not the truth, would I believe you? Yes. There is also like intent versus impact part of it too. Explain that. ⁓ so back to the situation with like my text, if I am just asking for information, let me think of how I can how I can tell this story. Impact versus int intent. So your Let's just talk through it. Let's just talk through it. ⁓ You I assume something of you and you're like that's not True. Okay. I think that I would believe you. I would believe that it wasn't your intent, right? So if I assume what's an example of something that you feel like I've assumed about you? Well, we definitely can't use this. ⁓ I think it would be too controversial. Okay, th then use something that we can use. I was just gonna give you an example of it. When And we can we're gonna have to cut this, but I just want you to ⁓ when I was saying that you guys aren't black. Yeah. Because I was trying to protect the fact that you are you Yes. You're what do you feel like I was assuming? Right. I felt like you were assuming that I did not like black people. That I thought I was better than other black people was not the case. Mm-hmm. ⁓ and so I don't know how to relate that to another example of ⁓ were you assumed. Maybe when I used to use when I used the term the first time that I used the term with you, stay in my lane, that I want to stay in my lane. What did you assume that meant? What I was saying was, ⁓ I need to know my place. That's what I was saying. I need to know my place. What did you think that that meant? could you say that you assumed something different? Well, I assume that you meant know your place, but I just felt like you were saying it like flippantly. Like No. Or like not flippantly, but like Yeah, flippantly. Th I know what I know what you're talking about. I guess I'll I just need to stay in my lane. I guess I'll just stay in my lane or or not even flippantly, but like maybe ⁓ Sarcastically or pitifully. Or yeah, like pitifully, like ⁓ manipulatively where it's like Well, I guess I'll just stay in my lane. I'll just stay over here in the trailer park and yeah. Well I guess I know my place now. You're right. But that's not how I meant it at all. I yeah. I n I need to know my place so that as it comes to our relationship, I stay in my lane. Yeah. And I don't try to get into your lane and you know, mess with what you've got going. I've got a place. Okay. And yeah. Let's start that conversation over the part of the conversation over so we can actually use it. Okay. ⁓ so intent versus impact And times that I've assumed. So a time that I've assumed that you felt like I assumed something would be ⁓ like a time where you said that you're just gonna stay in your lane and I assumed that you were saying it in like a pitiful woe is me, manipulative Well I guess I'll just stay in my lane, kind of, you know. I guess I just know my place. I I see I see your true colors kind of like, you know, vibe. And you were like, that's not what I meant at all. Right. What I did mean is that I need to know my place and I need to not ⁓ try to push myself. into a place where I do not belong. Yeah. ⁓ like I said, you my my lane being in my lane with Terrence is one thing today. When Terrence gets married and and if he has kids or not, my lane changes because I I just need to stay in my place and that's how I meant it. Yeah. As a as a respect to I guess it didn't come across that way, but it was a as a respect to you. I know my place. Yeah. And so I believed you when you said ⁓ that You mean when I explained it? Yeah, when you when you explained what you meant. ⁓ ⁓ There are some assumptions, I guess, that I make that are just based on patterns that I don't know that you necessarily recognize as a pattern. And so in my mind I'm like, this is a part of the pattern. And you're like, it's not a part of the pattern. It's, you know, this is a unique experience. And I'm like, the same as it was the last time, you know? so I think I yes, believe that the assumption, whatever I'm assuming wasn't your intention. But I think the intent versus impact is if there's something that you're doing and I'm noticing a pattern and I'm making an assumption and you're trying to tell me that my assumption is just that an assumption without all the full facts, but I've seen a pattern, then sure you can tell me that, but I y the int the intention may not be that that's that you're whatever, but the impact is that this is how it's coming across and now I'm building a picture if that makes sense. Mm-hmm. I and we you may want to cut this part too. I spent some time with Corey. I I spent some time with Corey and Corey was asking me about ⁓ Corey, Danielle's husband. ⁓ he was asking me about what time did I want to leave. We had gone out of town to our birthday party and he wanted to know what time I wanted to leave and I was asking him whatever time he wants to leave and his response to me was something like, You're a grown adult, make a decision and then I said to him, I want to be respectful of your time. And he got it. And he said, Thank you. And so I don't know what causes people to have a particular assumption. Was there a pattern that had gone on beforehand that made him think that I'm not wanting to make decisions on my own? That I'm not trying to be respectful of his time. I don't you know, I don't know how. So sometimes assumptions can happen and you have no clue as to where those assumptions come from. It and like I said earlier and like I said earlier, my assumptions come from what I believed about myself and what I believed others thought about me, not about what was true. I think that once you start noticing assumptions, they start to show up everywhere. You start to see them in friendships, you see them in texting conversations, you see them in at work, you see them in the way that we read someone's body language. Should we address the assumptions of others towards us? I think that other people's assumptions Towards us definitely definitely something to consider, but like it's another person's opinion, is that based on fact. Why are they assuming that? Is there a pattern that they're seeing? I don't think that like we should just take other people's assumptions about us necessarily at face value and just you know, hold it and run with it. But I think if everybody assumes that we're You know. gonna show up at work and yell at everybody. Why is everybody assuming that? Is that something that they've seen us do in the past? Is that how we come in? Is that the energy we bring to the table? If they assume that you're gonna overreact to something, well why are or if they assume that you're not gonna show up, why are is that the assumption that they're making? Are they assuming that because you are flak flaky? ⁓ and so I think it can be definitely other people's assumptions can be a good data point and a good resource for us, but I don't know that we should be taking people's assumptions at face value. I think, you know, there's good and bad at in everything and we did say that the definition of assumption or one of the definitions is assuming that something is true. Yeah. so it could be true. But if we automatically assume that a thing is true, when we really have no evidence that that thing is true. Yeah. that's when it can be problematic. Yeah, for sure. ⁓ I think assumptions show up like in areas that we don't necessarily expect them to show up. So like, for example, ⁓ sometimes I will be texting with my husband and he'll put a period at the end of his sentence instead of an explanation point. And I just assume that he's distracted or busy or not interested in having the conversation. Or he'll, you know, respond. ⁓ I'll And make I'll make a joke and he'll respond in a way that I'm like that you're supposed to think I'm the funniest woman on the planet. Why aren't you actually laughing? And so Or it's ended with the wrong punctuation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You said ha ha, but you put ha ha period and not ha ha explanation point. So clearly you're in a grumpy mood you know? ⁓ so like assuming based on a text which really can't read his tone. I mean I know him well enough that sometimes I'm like It's a busy day at work, isn't it? You know, but ⁓ which is where assumptions like can sometimes be beneficial. If he tells me that he has a lot of meetings today, I can assume, probably safely, that he's not gonna be texting me back every five minutes. You know, he'll probably go several hours between text messages. I think also, we can find ourselves assuming what a response or a reaction implies, which is kind of what we've been talking about where someone responds a certain way and then we're Well, they definitely hate us You know, or Corey not texting back immediately, Well, he's probably not having a good day where maybe he is and maybe he's just it's a busy day, not that it's a bad day. Or, Woe is me, they think I'm stupid too. Yeah. And then that's how you connect with that person. That's how your relationship goes with you thinking that assumption causes you it can cause issues in the relationship. You can't have a honest relationship or a true relationship if you have a untrue assumption. Yeah. I think also assumptions can make any kind of conflict worse. Right, instead of asking for clarity, we're just like building this own picture in our head and then it's really hard to get out of whatever it is that we've assumed because we've been assuming. ⁓ you know, with you saying that, that reminds me of when I was in high school. And I had a friend who I thought was my very best friend. And it turned out she was my absolute worst enemy. Your frenemy ⁓ She was a frenemy Mm-hmm. ⁓ And had ⁓ no ⁓ And I found out that my assumption was incorrect, I was ⁓ devastated. So can have assumptions ⁓ I want to say of grandeur. I don't think that's the right ⁓ Well, think the goal is probably to assume better of people and not worse. And so I don't know that it was assuming that she was your best friend when she was pretending to be your best friend. Of course you're going to assume that the woman who says that she's your best friend is going to be your best friend and not stab you in the back. You know? Like that's not an unfair or an unreasonable assumption and given that true the level of that relationship. Right. Yeah, that was pretty devastating, but Yeah. But it it was an assumption all the same. Yeah. Nonetheless. I know you're saying that you find yourself making assumptions about yourself. Why do you f what types of assumptions do you find yourself making about yourself? Are they assumptions of grandeur? Are they, you know, assuming that you're the Worse weather than the rain. Yeah. The scum between my toes. I so I believed ⁓ the negative ⁓ conversations or the negative the negativity that others spoke over me. I received that because I didn't know that who I was. I didn't know that I didn't have to accept that because that's not who I was. ⁓ I can remember being in high school and one of the girls, ⁓ that was going to school with me, she really didn't like me and I wasn't quite sure why. But anyway ⁓ so the bell rang, we're all in the hallway. The bell rang and you know when the bell rings and you got five hundred kids in your school, everybody's in the hallway. No, sorry, never experienced that. I was homeschooled. There's that. And she yelled out, You're a disgrace to the black race. And I didn't know what to do with that. I so I probably just internalized it 'cause I didn't have a counselor to go talk to discuss it with, you know, or my mom, I didn't have her to discuss it with. So I just accepted it as truth. I was shocked by it. But I and and I can't say that I thought that's true, but it just shaped shapes what I thought of myself. Yeah, interesting. I didn't go around thinking that I was a disgrace, but I felt like there must be something behind that. Yeah. That has to do with me. Interesting. 'Cause I did say if someone makes an assumption about us that we should, you know, th think about that. But I think that there's gotta be a balance between Taking what someone says and if you are noticing a pattern starting to be introspective and then something else too, when someone is making assumptions about you or speaking things about you that aren't true, being able to ⁓ let it go. Mm-hmm. Like I know that that's not true about myself or but I that I feel like that can get so messy because people are like, I know what's true about me. I know myself, I am not an asshole. And it's like, ⁓ If no one else in the room is an asshole, then maybe it's you. You know, ⁓ so, you know, just I don't know. Could I and I sometimes now excuse that and I don't even know if this is the correct excuse, but for the past few years, now I'm sixty five, so but for the past five years I started thinking maybe that had more to do with who she thought she was or what she felt about herself yeah than what she felt about me. Yeah, maybe she's assuming that whatever she believed black culture was or what black should look like was the only her only her only the only experience of black people in Tampa, Florida. Where there's a lot of experiences and just because that's not what you think is black doesn't mean that You are a disgrace because you have a different experience. Have a different exper and I bring something different to the table. Yeah. Which is o can only be positive if the person is not threatened by what I bring to the table. Yeah. And that may have had a lot to do with it too. Yeah. I find myself sometimes assuming that people are gonna get to know the real me and they're not gonna be interested. Oohhh? yeah, ⁓ ⁓ it happens a lot with new ⁓ ⁓ in new like work environments especially 'cause I come in ⁓ you know, I am a woman in a role ⁓ predominantly male based. I'm a black woman in a role that's predominantly white male white male based. And so people want to know how I got here and they think it's so cool that I'm doing this and all these things and I feel like sometimes The roll or the prestige that comes with the role or for people who yeah, or peop for people who aren't, you know, on a crew, the new friends who I make and I tell them that I tour and you know, they ask who I work for and I tell them and then I feel like they they think that's really cool and so they want to get to know how I got to do that. And then I'm like, I'm gonna tell them all these cool things and they're gonna be so interested in like being my friend and then I'm gonna start being my quirky, awkward only when I talk about deep relational issues self so weird and Overwhelming and you know golden chronicle. Yeah, exactly. This is my outlet, you guys. no that that they're gonna see that and or that I'm just gonna be quirky. I'm can be so socially awkward sometimes and I'm like they're gonna see all this stuff and they're gonna be like, She's not actually that cool. She's a little weird, you know, but I mean I think the weirdness is what makes us who we are. But you know, sometimes those are that's one of the things. Okay, well extra I think sometimes assumptions for me are about who I believe I am in a race relationship. Yeah. ⁓ or in a situation in life. In life, yeah. Less about what other people think or believe. ⁓ question. Mm-hmm. Do you think where do you think I should tell the story about I had the wrong assumption about being at the end, remember when we talked about We on five? No. Assumption and repair, I think, is what we okay. Where where are we now in our notes? Mm We are at the end of five. Okay. Do you feel like you're able to tell you're getting you're becoming more able to tell when you're reacting to ⁓ an old story about yourself or someone else as opposed to responding in the present? Well, yes, but what has helped me in that like for years, okay, so I'm sixty five years old, so for forty five years I stuffed feelings. And so I didn't feel them. I just stuffed them 'cause they why, you know? And so now that I'm feeling feelings, I think that Would you repeat the question? Do you feel like you're able to tell when you're reacting to an old story versus what's actually happening in the present moment? Now that I'm feeling feelings, ⁓ because for forty years I didn't feel feelings, but now that I do feel feelings and don't stuff them, I realize first of all, that's probably an assumption that I have of myself. That is not correct. And it gives me the opportunity to take a moment to process that thought, to question that thought, and to give myself an answer for that. I feel like if we don't catch those stories, catch ourselves when we're in the stories of the past, they can start turning into something like heavier and deeper. it might just begin as like a simple thought, but I think if we sit with it long enough, ⁓ without processing it and checking it, that it can become hurt and it can turn into like anger and resentment. Checking it is a big thing. Checking it. Yeah. have you ever had a dream a dream about someone who like wronged you? This happens I feel like to women a lot where they like have a dream that their partner cheated on them and they wake up and they're just like angry with their partner all day. Assuming that you did this and you know what you did, but you know, it's just a dream. I think that's ⁓ yeah, yeah. That's I think that's a funny example of holding resentment for some w assuming somebody's intentions or s assuming something that didn't actually happen 'cause you know, they don't know what they did in your dream but you're you're holding you wake up and you're all resentful, you're angry, you're like, I'm getting a divorce. So I used to have these dreams that your dad was cheating on me. ⁓ and in the middle of my dream, now we're both asleep. This is the craziest thing. In the middle of my dream I would punch him in the stomach. Yeah. I mean, actually punch him physically in the stomach. He probably did something. He deserved it for some reason. For some reason, yeah. Yeah. Maybe not cheating, but maybe it was the trash and you know He had me wash the car and clean it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, ⁓ so that I can see where, you know, we can wake up with just And not even ⁓ being asleep, but just assuming yeah that there is something going on. Yeah. There is nothing. Yeah. Or expecting people to know things that we've never communicated. That can definitely be one of those things that build resentment. If I just expect that you are going to keep everything in your mind and your mind doesn't work that way when you don't remember things that I've told you I might come across to me like you don't care and then I'm like, Well, she doesn't care and then it turns in it just spirals and it turns into something bigger. And that has a lot to do with the way a person communicates 'cause I think in one of our other conversations I talked about expectations. Yeah. Where ⁓ your dad expected a certain thing and I just wasn't getting it because I there was just words thrown at me, not thrown at me in a in a hostile manner, but just not a full conversation on this is what I need. Yeah. Or this is what I want. So he had an as assumption that I understood what he needed and he wanted and I didn't. Yeah. ⁓ so Which can definitely harbor resentment and then also ⁓ I think I have often assumed that you in the past, not not so much anymore, I've learned my lessons. ⁓ I've assumed that we communicate the same and we do not. We do not. We do not communicate the same. We don't Yeah. We got the same toes. ⁓ we got the same skin complexion. But we do not communicate the same not at all. I don't think that we I think we've been clear that like not every as assumption is wrong or I don't think that we should fall into like ignoring patterns. Sometimes assumptions are practical, you know. but and sometimes they're protective. Yes, absolutely. I would agree with that. I think it's important to know like when assuming is practical and beneficial and when is it harming us and hurting us and causing us undue anxiety and strife. And harming others. And harming others, yeah. And causing others strife and and just undue pressure. Yeah. Are there times that you feel like you've made assumptions that have been valid or you've had maybe a s ⁓ it wasn't quite an assumption, it was discernment or intuition. Yes, yes. I don't know if this will fit. Someone was ⁓ calling a friend at work and having inappropriate conversation with this person. The person that they were calling did not know who it was, but he was calling her at work and saying things that he should not have been saying. And without really even thinking about it, I knew who it was. Mm. And but that was an assumption, but it was truth. Yeah. ⁓ so based on it data points that you had gathered? An intuition. Yeah. A discernment. And now saying discernment, you gotta be careful with that because sometimes you can discern something that is really not there. Yeah. ⁓ but yeah, this was definitely I just knew that I knew it was this guy. Yeah. And it turned out to be that guy. I'm very careful with that. ⁓ because like you know, intuition and that kind of thing can be dangerous. You can it can be used as a weapon. Right. You know, so I I really have to be careful with that. Right. I think ⁓ and because that affects my assumptions as well. Yeah. Especially if you think that well, I got that last one right. Yeah. Right. He's the one who set that fire. Yeah. ⁓ I talk a lot about ⁓ data points. It's one of the things that I love to talk about. ⁓ and I think that sometimes Like one thing will happen, right? Someone will blow up and they'll have a bad day and we've talked about this a little bit, but someone will say, ⁓ they they're showing me their true colors and so I must they start to assume that that's who that person is. Where I think that we Can use these data points and in my mind it's like, okay, they had a bad day. That is a point of data on my plot of all the data I know about this person. Good days, bad days, when they've been nice to me, when they've been mean to me. Not like I'm like keeping score or anything like that, but it's just a data point. It's just a piece of information. And over time with all the little points of data you can start to recognize a pattern and so you can start to make assumptions based on real information. So, ⁓ when there's like a clearer repeated pattern, someone's showing you the same behavior over and over again, I feel like it's reasonable to use that information to make an assumption about that. And and the the behavior could be wonderful. Yeah. And you and you're making a decision based on Yes, it could be a generous assumption. It could assume that this person and it could be a generous assumption and still be wrong, right? You could Someone can always be pleasant and always be super kind to you and super you know, and you assume that this is a good person and that they would never do anything wrong and then you find out that they have, you know They're a serial killer. Guinea pigs trapped in a you know Yeah, that they're a serial killer or something crazy like that, you know. ⁓ but I think ⁓ At some point those data points add up and you're not really making something up from nothing. You're you're noticing a pattern and you're you have information. You have information that you're making these assumptions on and I think that's like a valid assumption 'cause you're noticing a pattern. It's pattern recognition. that's good. Pattern recognition. Which is ⁓ that's something that we should use. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. ⁓ keep those data points. You're not it's not just one time someone blows up or one time someone's nice to you and you're like, we're in love you know, like that's look at all the things. They've been mean to you every other day, but they were really nice to you the day that you had free tickets to the Knicks game. You know? ⁓ Right right. And so also I think when safety is involved, we're free to assume we're free to assume risks. Absolutely right. Like that's we're not saying that assumptions are bad. Assumptions can protect us, they can keep us safe. And so like assuming Because if you are you know because you need to have a plan. This is real life. You need to have a plan to get out of this bad situation. Yeah. So if you look at that assumption and say okay I'm gonna come up with the plan but if he's really if this let's just say it's a guy girl relationship and the guy's really nice and you're assuming he's a serial killer you not gonna go punch him in the throat just because yeah you're gonna take all that information from those data points and say, Okay, this guy I think is okay. But if you get the impression based on those data points that maybe it's not okay. Well first of all maybe you shouldn't be hanging around that person. Yeah. But also you need to understand that this could be a bad situation for you. Yeah. I think also ⁓ there are some things that we in everyday life assume we talked just a little bit about this, but like once again If a store says that they're open from eight AM to twelve PM, I expect if I go at eleven thirty that they're gonna be op if I go at a you know, any time within those hours that they're gonna be open. I don't think that's unfair, nor do I think it's unreasonable. I think it's fair to assume things like when someone says yes that they mean yes. If you tell me something, I think it's fair to a assume that you're telling me the truth. I'm not gonna go around assuming that everybody's lying. If you're telling me I really like steak, I don't think that you're lying about steak. You know? Like I'm gonna assume that if you say your favorite flower is a rose, I'm gonna assume that your favorite flower's a rose. and then also, ⁓ I think that we should be making generous assumptions about people and so instead of when someone keeping in mind the data points. Keeping in mind the data points. Absolutely. So someone like I said, someone you they blow up, they have a bad day, they, you know, are short with you. Let's not just assume that they're a terrible person. Let's assume that maybe they're having a hard day. What are they going through? That that's not how they normally are. So what are let's be generous in our assumptions or ⁓ Yes. You know, sometimes you text me. I think that we were talking about this in our discussion of the episode about ⁓ texting and how sometimes I don't text back. And instead of us assuming that I'm mad at you and I don't want to talk to you and that I don't care, like I assume that I'm really busy. Mm-hmm. Assume that I will text you back when I get chance. And I did not realize that because like I said, I thought I had the same access to you that I did before. But then when you explained to me how busy you are, now I take that in consideration. ⁓ she's busy. And if I send you a couple of texts. I hope that you understand. I just want you to ponder them at your opportunity and then just get back with me then. Yeah. I just gotta get ⁓ out because I might forget what it is that I w wanna tell you. ⁓ but yeah and I used to send very long girl I would open my phone Wake up in the morning, open my text message. ⁓ my mom sent a two-page text message. Six of them actually, back to back. One thousand words. Then when I realized my access is not the same that it used to be. Yeah. ⁓ they went down to maybe three texts, five, seven words, tops. Yeah. Consider this one and I would always say as time permits. Yeah. Yes. hilarious. I think assumptions are part of being human. The goal is not to never assume. Right. It's just to be noticeed. Notice when an assumption is being made. Yes. And recognize that it's just an assumption. Whether you know, un dissect it. Is this an assumption based on fact or is this an assumption based on feeling? Right. Exactly. Yeah. ⁓ What helps you challenge an assumption? I think you said taking a minute, taking a deep breath, thinking about Yeah. Taking a deep breath and thinking about what it is that I'm assuming. Yeah. And even if I can't get past that, I can at least get to the part where I may be wrong. Yeah. And if I can get to that part where I may be wrong, that breaks down that assumption. And that then that will give me an opportunity to even if I don't have the mind to a and and I don't have to at that point say that assumption is not true. Yeah. But just to realize that assumption may not be true. Right. And proceed that way. And that that opens my mind to think of it differently. Yeah. I personal example, ⁓ I got home from the road and I opened up my cabinet with my plates and my drinking cups. in it and there was a measuring cup in there and my husband put the away the go the ⁓ dishes and put the measuring cup in with the plates. I'm like he knows where the measuring cup goes. Why in the world would you put the measuring cup in with the plates? And the first thing I was like Is he just like trolling me? Like is he just doing this because he knows I'm gonna be like, What in the world is going on? But then I was like, Okay, really, I need to understand this because I can make all kinds of assumptions. He's tired, he's lazy, he's, you know, trolling, he's you know, will for wilful ignorance or, you know ⁓ what's it called? mali malicious compliance, you know, I didn't really I didn't quite understand it and so I asked him, I was like, Babe, when you put the measuring cup away in and ⁓ you know, trying to say it in a way that's not gonna come off as accusatory because I am really curious. I wanna know what the process is some when you put the measuring cup in with the plates, what was your like pro thinking process? And he was like Honestly, I didn't even know that I did that. He's like I was just on autopilot and I'm just like probably thinking about a million other things and my brain just opened up a cabinet and I was probably putting other things in there and I just put the measuring cup in there 'cause it was on the counter. I'm like, okay. So it wasn't malicious compliance. And you knowing you like I do, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but you would never do that. Because that is not where the measuring cup belongs. It has a space. Yeah. Yeah. It has a home. And then and this is the thing too. And this is like total sidebar. But I'm like, if you just put it where it belongs when you go to f look for it next time, you'll know exactly where it is. And that's in my mind, I'm like, why would he put it in here? Like he's gonna n go to cook something, need the measuring cup, not be able to find it. It's gonna add stress to whatever it is that he's doing if you just put it away the first time but he's not even it's not like he's doing it on purpose. He just wasn't ADHD, you know? Right. And so ⁓ right. Yeah. Asking those clarifying questions I think is what helps me to challenge the assumptions 'cause I find myself falling it's just so it just feels like second nature. You just assume. You just start to assume. Right. It's and then you're not really thinking about it's it's I'm going to assume right now. Right, right, right, right. It just happens Just like that. Yeah. I think even when we try to slow down and f ask clarifying questions and pause before reacting and take all the data points, I think that we're still ⁓ gonna get it wrong sometimes because we are human. but I won't like what happens when we realize that we reacted to the story in our head instead of the person in front of us. What what's the next step for us there? That's good. I mean, because even in our conversation about conversations, ⁓ we were you were explaining something to me and instead of me really listening to the conversation, I was in my head. thinking not about my response like some people would do, but I was thinking, is she gonna think I'm stupid? Is it gonna seem as though I'm aloof? You know, those type of things. But I wasn't listening to what you were saying. I was thinking. Yeah. And so I think that has a lot to do with making assumptions when we're really not listening to the words that are being seen. Yeah. And asking for clarity if we don't under and understanding that we need sometimes to ask for clarity. Sometimes we don't even think that. We jump that. Yeah. And go right into this ⁓ you know what what is she thinking? Is she thinking this or that when we need to stop and say what is she saying? Yeah. Letting that person correct your assumption. Letting that person additional information. Right. Additional data points. And not that it becomes your responsibility, but if you see that the person is struggling, then you're gonna help them understand. ⁓ you know, this this is what I'm saying to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think also apologizing when we reacted to something that we thought and not something that was actually happening. you have a bit of a story about that? Yeah, so like I said, Cory and I went to a birthday party, ⁓ my sister in law, and I was staying in a hotel And I was standing by the elevator waiting for some of the other family members to come up the elevator. They were in just had just gotten into the hotel and we're gonna come up. We were all on the same floor. And so I'm standing there and the elevator doors open and a little white boy, maybe about ten years old, got off the elevator and before he stepped off he kinda hesitated and then he walked past me really quickly. And then ⁓ the elevator came up again and really quickly it did and his sister got off and she was probably thirteen and she walked past me like it was nothing. I was just you know, it wasn't a big deal. And when she caught up with him, he said something to her and they both looked back and then they hurried into their room. I was my room was next door to their room. And they hurried into their room and then someone opened the door after they went in and looked down the hall and they could see me putting my key in the door to get in my room and realize that I was just not following them. But I can understand how it could seem that way 'cause I was following them to get to my room. ⁓ and so I the next morning I went down to breakfast and the family was there and I walked up and I said, My name is Vic I feel like you should skip all of that and just say that you like they don't need to know every detail. Okay. You can just say after that experience I assumed that the that reaction was because I was black in a very predominantly white talent or whatever. I don't think you need to go into how you you went to breakfast, you told them that like I don't think we need to get that's just gonna get lost. I'm gonna have to edit that all out. Should I not tell them that I said that if I'm wrong I would apologize? That's what I told them. ⁓ Because what we're talking about is assumptions. I think you just say that you had assumed that because of their response, their behavior response, I assumed that their Yeah. Based on being in a the state of the world, based on the fact that you were a black woman in this predominantly white Georgia town, all these things, you assumed that their reaction was because you were a black woman and that you had some conversations and then you realized that maybe you had made some assumptions and that you needed to Yeah. You know, you would you'd said something to their parents and then you had more conversations and you realize I don't you need to go like in on to all the details about it. I had a conversation with Danielle and she helped me to see that maybe I had misunderstood what I saw. Yeah. Okay. But then you can also say like so So they so I peeked out of the room, they saw that you were going into your room. The next day at breakfast you said something to the family and then had conversations with me. You don't to tell them all the things. You had you said something to the family about the interaction. You saw them at breakfast, you said something to their parents about the interaction that you had. And then you were able to have some more conversations and you realized that maybe you had assumed. So while I was in ⁓ Georgia visiting my sister in law going to her birthday party. I was waiting by the elevator for family members to come up. And a young boy, a young white boy, got off the elevator and hesitated because in my mind he hesitated because he saw me standing there. And then when his sister joined him, ⁓ he said something to her and they looked back at me and I assumed at that point that they were racially pro profiling me. And so the next morning at breakfast I spoke to the parents and told them what I suspected. then They explained that they did not raise their kids that way, but they apologized anyway. Later on that day I spoke with Danielle and she told me that maybe I misunderstood what I had seen. And when I thought about it, I realized maybe I did misunderstand what I had seen. ⁓ so I did apologize to the family and ⁓ you know, apologize for any harm that I caused, but that was definitely an assumption based on what's happening in the world today. ⁓ they were white, I was black, and I didn't give it much thought. I just assumed that that's what was happening. Where I could have thought, you know, in today's society children are being snatched and maybe he didn't know He might have been afraid. He might have just heard something about a kid in his school that was snatched. ⁓ and that's what he was basing that information on and not because of the color of my skin. Yeah. That's yeah, that's a interesting story about Assuming. Assuming. Assuming and then big of you to go back and apologize because I couldn't wait to apologize. Yeah. And it really you could tell in their interaction with me afterwards that they were I'm I wanna use the term grateful, but not because I did anything for them, but that You were able to see that she was the sea able to see the truth about her kids. She had not raised her kids that way. Yeah. And ⁓ it really made the whole experience better. They saw that I was remorseful. I saw that I was wrong. Yeah. And it was it was a good thing. Yeah. So letting someone correct our assumption, apologizing for reacting to a story instead of the situation. I think like in my situation with Corey in the in the measuring cup, like giving like asking questions to understand, looking seeking knowledge and understanding, not not you know, doubling down or you know because the mom spoke with me earlier and I doubled down. But then when I realized, ⁓ man, I was wrong. Yeah. I assumed. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ I think that repair starts when we're able to say, ⁓ I think I I think I was wrong. I think maybe I didn't quite understand. Maybe that was me. Yeah. You're wrong again. Yeah. so. Anything else to add in a conversation about assumptions? ⁓ Great. ⁓ I think ⁓ I assume you're gonna end the show. Yeah. You assume I'm gonna land this plane. so as we wrap up, the thing to take away is that ⁓ assumptions are human. We are some assumptions are practical. Some assumptions are fair and valid. and it's something that we're still working on. We don't want to make negative assumptions, we don't wanna get caught in a s in an a in assumption and not in actually in the truth. Assumptions are a normal part of is just things, something that we do and that what we need to be mindful that we may be doing. Yeah, to recognize the fact that what's happening for sure. ⁓ before we wrap up What is one assumption that you are trying to stop making? Me? Yeah. I'm okay. I'm gonna stop making the assumption that ⁓ your tone and you guys know how I am about tone, that I'm try gonna st I'm working on making s I'm I'm working on not making the assumption that first of all you have a tone and that secondly your tone is frustration. Yeah, it's just A tone. It's just a tone. It's not a judgment of me. That's where that assumption comes out because I think it's a judgment of me, so I'm assuming that you're judging me. And so I'm gonna stop assuming that you're judging me based on your tone. It's just a tone. Yeah. I am working on not just assuming that people are malicious. in their compliance. That they're not just trolling or you know, trying to assume that like there's a reason why people are the way that they are. And so trying to just assume good things and not assume negative, I think so I don't I think that I don't know if there's one assumption I don't know that there's one assumption in particular that I'm gonna try to make less, but I think I'm just going to try to give people the benefit of the doubt, to continue to give people the benefit of the doubt more often instead of and trying to understand why. Does assumption actually have to be a part of our relationship with others? Can we have relationship without assumptions? Once I guess maybe once we're healed or Well, I think like once again some assumptions are p are practical. If you you tell me that you really like it when I call you that I'm gonna call you. If you tell me that you really like it when I call you before nine AM I'm going to assume that you really like it when I call you before nine A. ⁓ I'm not and if you pick up one morning and you're like, Why are you calling me at eight thirty AM? I'm gonna be caught off guard because you told me like I assumed that this is what you wanted because this is what you told me. So I think yeah, I think that like assumptions are good. I think that they're beneficial. Like they help us build pictures and all that stuff. But like I think we just need to be mindful that we're not assigning value like the data points that I was men mentioning. There's no value that's not good or bad. It's just a piece of data that we're building a picture. Is this a person who I want to invest time in, be friends with? respond to this way or is this a person who I don't want to be be friends with don't want to respond to that way because you know, whatever, it's just data points. It's just information that we're gathering and so ⁓ continuing to not assign. And we're not to give it too much weight. Yeah. Yeah. So now when we see the full picture of all the data points, of course you make a decision based on that. But that becomes less The set of data, we make it a an assumption on the set of data, not on a single data point. Yes. Yeah. Science science terms. sweet. Well that is the end of our episode this week of the Golden Chronicles. Yes, we so appreciate having you here. We appreciate you being a part of the conversation. If you didn't get our special summer memo, we're just going to do ⁓ an episode every three weeks this summer instead of every other week. ⁓ just to give us some time. And my summer girls. My summer is so busy. My summer friends, my f all all of the girls, the guys, the everybody. ⁓ my my schedule's very busy, so we're gonna do ⁓ three weeks every three weeks and then we'll resume our Regular schedule at the beginning of August, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. August is when we'll resume our normal school. Yeah. So Thank you guys for being a part of this conversation. Please don't forget to share this podcast with any friends that you think might be interested in joining the conversation with us. We would love it if you rate and review our podcast on Spotify and Apple Music specifically, but anywhere that you can rate and review. Follow us on Facebook. Facebook, yes, and Instagram, the Golden Chronicles Podcast. Yes. ⁓ please, yeah. Until next time. As always, thanks for cheering us on. Okay, bye. Bye. Okay.