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157 // How to get out of your own way and get what you want · Abundant + Aligned

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Abundant and Aligned podcast, where we welcome women who are ready to live the life of their dreams.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: So if that's you, I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I'm Jess, your host and your new bestie, here to remind you to dream big, live with intention and believe that actually, yes, you can.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Here we talk all things mindset and personal development.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We are on a mission to create abundance in all areas of our life, and playing small just isn't our jam.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: So if you're ready to expand your mind to the possibilities, turn off autopilot and start showing up with intention.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Buckle up for the ride.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: We are Abundant and Aligned.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Hello everyone and welcome back to the podcast and welcome to our first episode in the new office.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: It is beautiful.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: There is nothing better than a brand new space.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: So I am just loving this new home so much.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I can't remember if I filled you guys in on why we moved in the last episode or not, but a very long story short.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: We were living in another place and the owner of the place wanted the house back because he went through a separation.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Our lease wasn't up until February next year, so we had no idea that the move was coming up.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: But when I look back before we had the conversation with the owner about moving out, I was having these feelings of just wanting a fresh start, and not that there was anything particularly wrong with the house we were in.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I just wanted a change and I was just ready for something a little bit more fresh, new, different location.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: So I was having these feelings in the months leading up to us ultimately getting the phone call from the real estate agent saying the owner wants his house back.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: How would you guys feel about vacating early?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: We of course didn't have to because we did have a lease until February, but we both took it as an opportunity to, you know, have a fresh start and look for something different.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: And, anyways, we found the house that we're in within the week.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: We inspected it on the Monday, got approved on the Tuesday and it's beautiful.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: So it's brand new inside.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So everything is, yeah, brand new, so fresh.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: No one has ever lived in this house before.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: All new appliances in the kitchen, the bathroom, like everything, is brand new.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: So it just feels really nice and so interesting that I subconsciously attracted the owner wanting us to get out of that house so that I could move into this house and get this feeling of freshness that I was desiring leading up to moving.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of a very quick story about how we came to living here.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: And yeah, settling in the move, if I'm honest, has been the biggest pain in my ass ever and we both underestimated how big that move was going to be.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: We didn't get any help.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: We don't have family on the Gold Coast, so it was just Bart and I doing all of the moving.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, we paid for a mover list and whatever, but there's still so much work involved with moving houses and, yeah, we completely underestimated that.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: So I think this is the first day in the last two weeks that I've felt somewhat normal and not exhausted, and not like my entire body was aching.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: My hands were so dry and cracked from using them so much that my computer didn't even pick up my fingerprint when I was trying to get into it the other day.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: So my hands were gross and dry, my entire body was so sore.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I was so exhausted.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a nightmare, if I'm honest, but all worth it because we're in this beautiful, nice home and, yeah, it's all coming together.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: So you guys are tuning into the first episode in the new office.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: So, welcome to our new home and thank you for spending this next chapter with us.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: This will be.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I've had a few questions actually about if this is the dream home, and no, it's not the dream home yet.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: The big five bedroom house with the pool house and the podcast studio and the pool and the entertainers area right next to the beach that will be coming next year.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Of course, I will bring you guys along for the ride, but this is, yeah, just another step closer to that and, as I said, the fact that it's all brand new and fresh really just brings this sense of, um, yeah, freshness.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I kept using that word freshness, um.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: So yeah, really excited to see what this next year brings in the new house with this new fresh feeling and new energy and, yeah, as I said, it will ultimately lead us to the dream home.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So that's what will be next.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: But anyways, for today's episode, let's dive in.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: That's a bit of a life update from me, actually, quickly before I do so.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: By the time you guys listen to this, we will be well and truly into the early bird release for the Gold Coast immersion.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Pre-sale sold out within the first two days, so that's really exciting.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: And now there is a second release available for the early bird price, so you will be saving a hundred dollars, available for the next couple of weeks or until sold out.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: So an FYI if you miss the pre-sale, the second release is now available.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: You do still get a discount, not as big as the first release, but a still discounted ticket, and there are only a limited amount left.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: So I'm really looking forward to meeting some of you in person and getting to do the work that we do together here on this podcast in an in-person environment and really like, obviously there's only so much I can do and help you guys with through a microphone when you are listening to me in your car or on your work.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: The work that's really required to get the life that you want is somatic work, so involving your entire body, subconscious mind, work using particular modalities that we need to be doing in person.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: So that's what you'll be doing in the in-person event, and I was actually just sending out an email before to say if you aren't seeing the results that you want in your life, getting them isn't going to require you to work harder or post something different on Instagram or read another book.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: You'll keep seeing this slowness and this stuckness and you'll keep creating the results you always have, unless you do the type of work we'll be doing together at this event.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: And it's really getting in and upgrading your subconscious program, increasing your thermostat and changing what you are vibrationally a match for.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: So that's the vibe of the event and I guarantee you'll finish feeling like you have never felt in your entire life and I keep saying this is like a transformation.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Some go their entire life without having so.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Just wanted to quickly pop that in there.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Pre-sale all linked in the show notes below, but otherwise let's kick off with today's episode.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Let me just get my notes up.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: So last week, we spoke about how to be the most successful, wealthy and confident woman in the room, and I gave you a lot of actionable steps you can follow in order to cultivate that new identity and, as a result of doing that, you will create new results.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I'm very aware that a lot of you walked away feeling inspired and feeling like you have a clear direction in terms of what it really takes to be the most successful, wealthy and confident woman in the room.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: But then life probably happened the next day and you returned to your usual patterns where you procrastinated, you put things off, even though I gave you some things to stop doing and start doing.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Maybe you haven't started on that list, even though you know what needs to get done.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Maybe, even though you are very aware of you know more specific to your life, what needs to stop and what needs to start, as I said, you haven't taken any action.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: So today we're talking about like why is that?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Why is that the case?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Why do we get in our own way Some obvious signs that you are getting in your own way some not so obvious signs?
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, how to get out of your own way, because the old saying is we are our own worst enemy is so true in the case of getting the life that you want, and I know so many of you know what needs to get done in order to create the change that you want, whether it's making more money, working for yourself, starting those new routines, committing to those practices that you know will make you feel better.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: But we don't do them and we get in our own way.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: We procrastinate on things, we do other things that ultimately aren't going to get us to where we want to be.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: So today's episode is really just talking about why do we get in our own way and, of course, how to move aside so that the version of us who is here to live a life so abundant, so free, so wealthy, can finally step up to the stage and live the life she is here to live.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: So if you are someone who constantly gets in your own way, then welcome to an episode that will help you with that.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's kick off with what getting in your own way.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Then welcome to an episode that will help you with that.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's kick off with what getting in your own way looks like, and there are some obvious things that you may do where you're like, yeah, I know that is me just getting in the way of my own growth.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: But then there's some other things that maybe you are doing, which is actually you getting in your own way as well.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: And I wanted to start the episode here because awareness is key, right, in order to create change in our life, we first have to realize, well, where do we need to change?
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: You know, like, what have we been doing up until this point and what do we need to tweak in order to create something different.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: So I thought we would talk about, you know, the not so obvious things, just so that, when you do these things, you can recognize okay, that was you self-sabotaging, that was you trying to get in the way of your growth and then, obviously, make a different decision in the moment.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: But we'll start off with the obvious ones first.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: So obvious ones like having a business, for example, and knowing what needs to get done in order to move the needle forward, but spending hours scrolling on Instagram instead comparing yourself to others, and then, when you do, you're focusing on what they're doing and what you're not doing, and feeling this sense of all what I'm doing isn't enough, having negative thoughts that it won't work out for you.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Whatever that is so wanting to do something but then having these constant thoughts that it won't work out, or constantly focusing or making up a bad scenario that could come from whatever step you were about to take, or just generally making things harder than they need to be.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: So, whether that is coming up with a to-do list a mile long to do something that you could do with just two steps, or creating this entire plan in your head first and you feel like you have to perfect that plan before you can take any form of action, or just assuming that in order for you to get from where you are now to where you want to be, it's going to take a lot of hard work, many steps, it's going to be a big, scary process, and you're making the big picture just seem terrible and not appealing at all.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: So there's some obvious ones that maybe a lot of you can resonate with, and maybe you do these quite often.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Now for the not so obvious ones, and so these ones may prick your ears up a little bit, because I guess I will probably be calling a lot of you out on the behaviors that you don't even notice because they are so a part of who you are.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: They have been a part of who you are for your entire life and you watched your parents or those in your family or community do the same, and so you're not even recognizing that behavior is keeping you stuck.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: That behavior is keeping you limited.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: That way of living is not in alignment with getting the life that you truly want, so they're not so obvious ones.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Number one my first example is, I guess, like what we were saying before having a business and knowing what needs to get done to grow that business and actively telling people.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: You know, I have the goal in my business to make X amount of money or promote to this level in my marketing business.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Or, you know, launch this program.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Like, you have all of these goals in your business and you always tell people about these goals and you do know mostly what needs to get done in order to grow that business.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: But then subconsciously you overcommit at work, which requires you to stay back beyond your fixed work hours, which means you're now working in that job late into the night.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: So of course you don't have time to go home and work on your business because you've had a big day at work and you need to just have some dinner and get to bed because you're tired and you had a big day at work and of course that's not your fault, but that's just what happened.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Or agreeing to catch up with friends, or always either agreeing or planning social catch-ups or social events to ultimately pull you away from your home office or away from your computer again, so that you can be like I just haven't had time to work on my business this week, like I really do want to, and I have these incredible goals and I know what needs to get done, but I just had a lot on my calendar this week, socially or at work.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: That's you getting in your own way.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: The second example I have is partying on the weekends or having big weekends where you're drinking and you're going out with friends and you're not getting much sleep.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: So then naturally, then the next week you are exhausted and all you want to do is sleep in.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: And then you tell yourself that's okay, because you didn't go to sleep till 2am on Saturday night and you were super hungover on Sunday, so nothing got done, and so you spend the week sleeping in and catching up from the weekend, which means that you aren't making time for that morning routine that you know will enable you to mentally rehearse the dream life and retrain your brain to be able to create the success that you want.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: And so, because you had that big weekend partying and drinking, you sleep all week and then you don't do those routines.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Another example of a not so obvious sign of you getting in your own way is manifesting physical symptoms.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So you stay still and blaming an illness or a physical ailment on the reason why you can't take action, or a physical ailment on the reason why you can't take action.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: And when I say this one, I'm never here to downplay anyone's illnesses or physical symptoms.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I'm never here to say you're making it up and you need to be tougher and get on with it.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: That's definitely not what I'm saying.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Be tougher and get on with it.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: That's definitely not what I'm saying.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is just be mindful when you blame your illness on the reason why you can't take action, and if you are embodying the sick girl identity too much, in which case it doesn't allow you to take action, because the sick girl doesn't take action.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: The sick girl just needs to rest.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: And when you only ever wear that hat, you adopt that identity and then, of course, you behave in that way and you create results in accordance with that.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: It doesn't happen as much anymore because I've worked on my subconscious program a lot, my subconscious program a lot, but in the early stages of business, a pattern that I saw a lot was I would actively go towards a goal and after I had achieved the goal, I would always get sick.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: I would always get like a cold or flu or something would happen where I would be really run down and just needed to have a chilled week.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: And so I noticed this pattern of, yeah, I would achieve a goal, I would move outside my comfort zone, I would start to see the changes that I consciously wanted, but then my body was pulling me back into the familiar place that I was so aware of, so that I would stop taking the action that would continue the growth and I would stop showing up so that the momentum didn't continue.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Because, of course, we know the subconscious wants you to stay in your familiar.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: And so for so long my familiar was business was hard, it was a struggle I broke.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Money was always so hard for me to make, so that was my subconscious blueprint, and so when I started to make more money or see that momentum I found, this pattern of then getting sick and getting the cold or getting a cold or flu, so that then I would put a pause on all that momentum that I had built.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: So then I was back into the familiar which is struggling and broke.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: So just being mindful of that pattern in your life as well and, of course, just taking active steps to look after your body physically but doing the work on the subconscious mind so it doesn't keep trying to pull you back by manifesting physical symptoms you are.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: The placebo by Dr Joe Dispenza talks a lot about that notion, so worth a read if that resonated with you.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Another example of a not so obvious way you may be getting in your own way is meeting and going on dates with the same kind of guys.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: So if you are currently single and you feel like every guy you meet is an absolute douchebag but you keep finding yourself meeting only douchebags, that is an indication that you are getting in your own way.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: We're going to be talking about like why you do these things in a second, but again just behaviors and patterns to look out for.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Another example is creating excuses that feel so real and that you believe.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: So excuses like I just don't have the time, or blaming your kids Now I will tread lightly here because I don't have kids, as you guys know, and so I will be the first to admit I have no clue what it's like to actually be a mom, and I can imagine it would be very hectic and very chaotic, and I'm very, very, very respectful of the fact that your time is no longer yours, so I'm not here to ever say you're all making it up and it can't be that hard.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely not saying that and I salute all of the moms out there.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I Sometimes I even struggle to take care of myself and be on time and make sure things get done in my day, and I'm just looking after myself.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: You have one or two or three kids to do that for.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: So you are super women, all the moms out there.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: But be mindful of blaming your kids as to why you haven't done something that you keep saying you're going to do, or blaming your kids as to why, yeah, you're not taking the action.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: So of course, there is the days where it generally is so chaotic in your house and the kids need your attention, but that wouldn't always be the case, and I would love for you just to turn your attention over to where you automatically just go oh, I can't because of the kids and I guess just remember some of the things I was saying in last week's episode.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: We can delegate, we can pay for help, we can ask family members for help, we can, you know, put our kids in childcare, we can get a nanny, like.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: There's options that you can tap into to give yourself some time.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: And, on that note, go and read the book we Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rogers, and she talks a lot about broadcast decisions and millionaire decisions.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: And a lot of the broadcast decisions she provides like examples of is the woman who wears all of the hats and complains about it and, as a result of wearing all of the hats, isn't actively doing anything to take care of herself and create the life that she wants for herself.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, the ripple effect goes into her family and, you know, just holding herself back because she prioritizes her kids and everybody else above her and recognizing that that is going to keep you broke and stuck and unfulfilled, drop your kids off to daycare or ask your mom to look after them, or send them to school early or whatever, instead of making up all of the reasons as to why you can't do that, like that will make you a bad mom.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: People will say you have to put your kids first.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Like starting to just recognize, like where you've been playing into that and yeah, no longer using the fact that you're a mom as a reason why you can't also have a life that you want.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: So just something to be mindful of for the moms out there.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: Another one, more generally, is like just blaming others, so saying that your boss held you back at work.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Of course we can communicate boundaries with our boss and if they're not respectful of that, then you need to find a new workplace.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Who is, if you are rostered on to work and you do need to go home that day for whatever reason, like voicing that and standing by that and making sure you're in a work environment where they respect that your life isn't just work.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: And I feel like I can say that because I was a lawyer before.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: I worked for myself and the legal industry is very, very stressful, chaotic.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: There is never a dull, quiet moment.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: But I found myself in a workplace that, even though it is an industry that is, it never stops.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: She was always respectful of the fact that we had a life outside of work, always respectful of the fact that we had a life outside of work.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: And even if I had so much to do still, you know, on my files she would always say, like you can still go home.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: So I just want you to know there are workplaces out there that would allow that and would celebrate the fact that you have a commitments outside of work.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: So if work isn't it for you at the moment and if it's not allowing you to do other things that would actively create the life you want, then quite simply have the conversation and enforce some boundaries or start to look for a different workplace that is more supportive of that stuff.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Just going back to the example of blaming others maybe you are in network marketing and the reason you're not growing well, you say the reason you're not growing to the levels of success you want is because of your team, and you're blaming consultants in your team, or you're blaming the clients that you have and saying that that's the reason why you're not growing.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Maybe you are just blaming, like just saying you can't do something, or saying you're not good at something.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: So, oh, I haven't started that business because I'm not very tech savvy, or I haven't started that hobby because it's there's no place in my area that does it, or I haven't gone out and purchased that book to start my journaling, to start my morning routine, because the shops are always shut when I finish work.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Just like blaming something else as to why you're not doing the things that would create the change that you want and then just to wrap up the not so obvious things that you may be doing.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: That is very much getting in the way of your success and the life that you want is constantly doing things on your to-do list that isn't getting you to where you want to go and making your day more about the mundane tasks like the laundry, cooking, driving your kids around, doing the groceries, driving your kids around doing the groceries, making your life more about those mundane autopilot tasks, as opposed to being a visionary and taking active steps to go after the life that you want.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: So just have a think about that one and we'll leave that section there.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to have a quick sip of my fizz stick.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we have taken a look at some obvious things that we do that get in our own way, that we are very aware of scrolling on Instagram for hours or TikTok comparing ourselves to others and spending more time looking at other people's business as opposed to our own business, having having negative thoughts that something won't work out and therefore not taking action because you've created or made up a bad scenario, or just making things harder than they need to be.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: These are usually behaviors that we can catch ourself out doing where we know consciously, we know we're doing these things every single day.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Why is that?
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: We'll get to that in a second.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: And then we've also spoken about the not so obvious things so subconsciously agreeing to things, overcommitting, being a people pleaser, self-sabotaging by drinking or dating the same shitty guys, manifesting physical symptoms, living in this sickness identity, creating excuses whether you are saying you don't have time, you're blaming others, you're blaming your kids, you're saying you can't do something, and you're spending more time doing the mundane tasks as opposed to spending your life creating a life you want.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: So why do we do this?
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Why, despite having this beautiful vision for how we want our future to look, despite knowing what it is going to take in order to get there, why do we spend more time scrolling on Instagram?
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Why do the moment we sit down to do some business work?
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Why do we get up and go and hang the washing on the line?
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Why do we add more things to our plate so that we don't have time to do the things that will make ourselves feel better?
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Why is this so?
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: There's a few reasons, and I'm going to talk about them and then I'm going to give you.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: We're going to wrap up the episode with some things you can start to do to get out of your own way and to finally step into the woman that you want to be, who can remain consistent, stay on the bandwagon and build the momentum and keep it without continuing to have these setbacks.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: So why do you get in your own way?
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Number one you are addicted to the way things have always been for you.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: If life has always been quite chaotic, you're addicted to that.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: If you have always had some kind of struggle, whether it's financially or with sickness, you are addicted to that.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: If you have been someone where drama always seems to find its way to you, whether it's at work or within friendships or just out and about, you are addicted to that.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So you are addicted to the chaos, the struggle, the drama, literally addicted to it.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: So the emotions that are generated when you are in a chaotic situation or when you are in this dramatic situation with your friends or you're in some kind of struggle whether again it's financially or you're sick your body releases certain chemicals and your body becomes addicted to those chemicals.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: So your body right now is addicted to the emotions you feel when life is chaotic, when you're struggling and when there's some kind of drama.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: And so, just like a drug addict would really struggle if we took their drugs away, you will struggle.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: If I come along and said when you wake up tomorrow, there'll be no chaos, there'll be no struggle and there'll be no drama.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: What would you talk about with your friends if you had nothing to complain about?
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: What would you be thinking about when you're not constantly thinking where those sales are going to come from or if that guy's going to text you back?
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: What will you be feeling in your body when you have nothing to be anxious about?
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: And so what we're talking about here is a whole new state that you haven't actually experienced, or at least for an extended period of time, and therefore your body would have withdrawals from the old emotions you used to feel when there is chaos and struggle and drama.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: So you get in your own way so that life remains how it has always been, so that you keep getting a squirt of those chemicals in your body, and so your body gets the fix of the emotions of anxiety, of struggle, of lack of sadness, of frustration.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: When it feels those emotions it's like, oh, thank God, just like a drug addict who's just had a hit.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: Another reason you get in your own way is you have a belief about yourself and or life in general that you want to keep confirming.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: So it's called confirmation bias, and essentially what your brain does is it will find evidence in your life to support a belief that you have.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: So if you have a belief within you that you aren't good enough, your brain will scan your reality and ensure that if you were to go on a date with a guy, you go on a date with a guy that doesn't make you feel very good about yourself, so that it confirms a belief you already had.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Or if you have a belief that making money is hard, you will block clients or you will block money finding its way to you, so that you can confirm that belief that you already had.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Or if you have a belief that life is just supposed to be hard.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: You know, it's just the way life is.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: Then again, you have this tendency to constantly be busy and overworked and stressed and burnt out, so that you can confirm that belief that life is just that way.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Of course, a lot of this happens subconsciously.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: So when we sit here and have these conversations, like consciously, we're like, oh my God, that sounds ridiculous, why would I do those things?
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: But I want you to know this is not you consciously doing any of this.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: It's all subconscious, it's all happening under the surface, and so that's why the subconscious mind work is so important.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Um, and then another reason why you do get in your own way is you are reinforcing an identity that you have subconsciously adopted somewhere in your life.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: So an example is I don't know maybe, growing up you were always sick, whether it was just like minor colds and flus.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: You were always the kid that fell over and had a broken arm or a broken leg.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: You know, you were just always the snotty nose kid.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: And so growing up, your parents would always say, oh, she's always sick, she's always sick.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: And so now that is your identity You're the always sick girl.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: And as we learned last week, when you have an identity, you create the results sick girl.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: And, as we learned last week, when you have an identity, you create the results that would match that identity.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: And so you find yourself always sick, because of course you have to be sick if you have the identity that you're always the sick girl.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Another one, another big one, is if, when you were growing up, your parents would always say, oh, she's so shy, you know, she's the, she's the shy one out of my kids, then you subconsciously adopted the identity that you're shy.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: And now you're still living as that shy, timid little child.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: And so that's why you lack confidence, because you're still living up to the identity that was placed upon you when you're a child.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: And again, if you have the identity of I'm shy, not confident, very timid, you show up like that and you create results like she would.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Maybe your entire life.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: You've always been told oh, you're so hopeless, you're all over the place, you would forget your head if it wasn't screwed on.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You then subconsciously have adopted this identity that you're just kind of all over the place, you're a no-hoper.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: And again you will begin to not begin, but you will show up in that way and therefore your results will equal that.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: And then, finally, maybe you have always been the hard worker or the resilient one.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Finally, maybe you have always been the hard worker or the resilient one.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Again, if you have an identity of a hard worker, of course you'll behave that way and then you'll keep manifesting situations that require you to always work hard so that you can keep your hat on that.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: You are the hardest worker in the room.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Resilient is a good one to talk about, because I feel like resilience is like a quality that you may consider positive, and I actually did this exercise with one of the groups in her empire and I was kind of putting them to the test, because we're talking about this very, this very notion like you will always reinforce an identity that you have subconsciously adopted by manifesting situations that require you to keep living up or living yeah, living within that identity.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: So, like I mentioned before, if you've adopted the identity that I'm a hard worker, well then you'll keep manifesting situations that require you to constantly work hard so that you can keep saying I'm a hard worker.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: But resilience, I, like I said, I did this exercise with the girls in her empire and I said can you please send through some qualities about yourself, and I was angling for them to send stuff like this, and one of the girls sent a quality saying resilient, and I said, okay, well, what if I took away all situations that would require you to be resilient?
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Because, when you think about it, resilience really is the act of always being able to get up when you fall over, or pushing through even when things are hard, and being someone that can get through no matter what, and so that kind of implies, well, in order to wear the identity or the hat that you're resilient.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: You therefore need to be thrown into situations that require you to be resilient.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: So can we see where we're going with this?
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: You will therefore manifest situations that require you to be resilient, and they're not the situations we really want to find ourselves in.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: We don't want life to be something we have to, you know, constantly push through and grind through.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: We don't want to have to always get up after we fall down, we want to just not fall down at all.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: We want life to just be easy and cruisy, and so, therefore, you wouldn't need to be resilient, so I would have to remove that crown and you wouldn't be able to wear that anymore.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: And now you've lost something about yourself.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Can we see how deep this work is and it's insane.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, there's just.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: They are some ways that you or sorry, they're reasons why you get in your own way.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: You're addicted to the way things have always been.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: You have a belief about yourself that you want to keep confirming and you are reinforcing an identity that you have subconsciously adopted.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: So how do we get out of our own way?
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: How do we finally show up with this sense of momentum, consistency, belief, and not continue to see ebbs and flows, not continue to see unfolding before our eyes ourselves literally getting in our own way, procrastinating and self-sabotaging the growth that had just happened or was about to happen?
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: So, to finish off, just a few things that you guys can do to get out of your own way.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: Number one, of course, is the awareness, awareness piece, so addressing what will happen if you followed through with the test, the, the steps or the actionable tasks that you keep putting off, so you know what needs to get done in your business.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: So if you actually took those steps, what new results would you see?
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: You know that in order to feel better, you need to exercise and have a better diet.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: So if you actually followed through with that, who would you then become as a result of that?
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: And just identifying, like, what comes after the fact?
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And when you do that, I want you to look at the good and the bad.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: So we tend to focus on the good that will come.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, if I exercised every day and ate a really nutritious diet, I would feel really good about myself.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: I would, you know, love my body.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: I would feel healthy, I'd look healthy.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: Or if I followed the steps that are required to grow my business, my business would make more money.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: And so we tend to focus on the good things, but usually the reason that you are self-sabotaging isn't because of the good things that will come from the actionable steps.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: It's the bad things that will either come or you subconsciously think will come.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: So, and the bad things are usually the ones that you're not focusing on or you haven't become aware of, but your subconscious mind has, and so you'll keep avoiding the steps to create the change, because your subconscious mind thinks it's doing its job by trying to keep you away from those bad things.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: So, for example, if you did follow the steps that's required to grow your business and you did make more money, as we've just established, what's something bad or negative that may also happen, and maybe you've got this subconscious story that the more money you make, the more stressed you'll be, because you watched your dad live out that your entire life.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Or maybe, if you start to follow those new routines and therefore feel better about yourself, you then can't join in with your friends when everybody's complaining, and so you may subconsciously fear that you will then lose your friends or you won't be relatable to them anymore.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Again, most of the bad stuff or the negative stuff isn't something you're consciously aware of, and if we applied some logic, we can be like well, that's probably not going to happen, but this is all coming from that subconscious belief.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, like, if you follow those steps and actually created the change, yes, we would see different results, good and bad, but more generally, you would become someone new, and that someone new is someone you have never, ever lived before.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: And to the to the brain, to your brain, that's unpredictable, because if you woke up tomorrow living as someone you've never lived before, living a life you've never lived before, your brain isn't able to predict what that's going to look like or feel like, and therefore it keeps you away from the change so that it can keep predicting your tomorrow, your next week, your next year.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: So if you were to make more money, you would lose the struggle, and so your brain wouldn't be able to predict that tomorrow you're going to be thinking about struggling with money.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: It doesn't know know what new thoughts and feelings you would have, so it's all unpredictable.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: So it keeps you away from the change.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: That life can stay the same, so it stays predictable and so it stays safe.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: The next thing you want to do, after you've addressed what will happen if you follow through with the steps, you also want to address what you will lose.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: So we spoke just before about some of the bad things that may come from the new identity.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: But what may you lose if you get what you want?
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: Again, our brains don't tend to look at this, or your subconscious does, but you don't consciously look at this.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: But of course, we create what we subconsciously focus on.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: So if you were to make more money, something you would lose is the struggle and, deeper than that, you would lose the ability to be able to sit and complain with your friends and family about how much you're struggling with money at the moment.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Or if you were to get away from that drama, you wouldn't be able to sit and gossip with your friends or have something to generate that anxious feeling in your body.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Or if you were to meet that nice guy, you wouldn't be able to complain about how all guys are shit and you wouldn't be able.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Like you wouldn't.
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't spend most of your day sitting there wondering if he's going to text you back.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: So it's like, okay, well what?
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: What will you do instead?
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: What will you talk about when you can't complain?
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: What will you think about when you aren't wondering where the sales are or whether that guy will text you back?
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: Or what will you be feeling in your body when you don't have to be stressing about going back to work on Monday?
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Again, it's a new state that you aren't used to and you've never lived before.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: So your brain's just doing its job by trying to keep you away from all of those things, because it's just unfamiliar territory.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: So that's where your work lies making it more familiar, making the change familiar.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: I always talk about this, but visualization is so, so powerful to do that, because you're mentally rehearsing living as someone you've never lived before.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: You're mentally rehearsing having this new inner state where it's calm, it's free, it's abundant and practicing not feeling emotions like struggle, lack and anxiety.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Practicing having conversations with friends that isn't revolved around struggling and complaining and gossiping.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Actually practicing who you want to be.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: And when you do that your brain doesn't know the difference between a real life experience or a visualization.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: But every single time you practice having that new inner state, your brain thinks you've already lived another day that way.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Of course, when something's familiar, it's no longer unfamiliar, and when something's no longer unfamiliar, the change actually happens.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: You remain consistent with these routines.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: Things start to shift.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: So the guy does text you back, the good guy texts you back, the sales roll in and they keep coming in.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: You don't have a good month and then a shit month.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: You get promotions at work, you get a new boss that lets you go home early, like things start to line up with how you want to live your life.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: When your brain's not resisting the change, which will happen when you make the change more familiar, you're also going to catch yourself out and, in particular, be mindful of those automatic responses that you are having to things.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: So watching how often you'll just say things like, oh, I don't have the time, when you actually do have the time or you could make the time, or I can't do that when you actually, if you tried, could figure it out or at least Google it or ask someone, or no, I'm not going to do that Like ask for a pay rise or reach out to that client or ask that guy on a date, cause I'll just say no.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Well, is it actual fact that they'll say no?
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: Well, of course, it's not nothing in the future's pre-written.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: It's up to you to decide that.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: So it's about catching yourself out when you're automatically just making up excuses and trying to get in your own way by using particular statements and phrases and your language, and reconsidering.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: Is that actually true?
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Is it actually true that I don't have the time, or am I just saying that as an excuse?
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Is it actually true that they'll say no or is there a possibility they'll say yes?
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Is it actually true?
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: I can't do that, or could I figure it out and reconsidering it and then changing the narrative?
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: Actually, you know what?
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: I'm going to make the time and I'm going to ask for help so that someone can come and pick the kids up, so that I can sit and just have an hour of me.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: I've never created a website before, but I'm going to YouTube a video on how to create a website using Squarespace.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: They could say no to the pay rise or to going up in that different level in my job, or going to grab a drink with me or you know, offering to do something.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: They could say no, but they could also say yes, and that's what I'm going to choose to happen here.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: And then, finally, you want to retrain your brain to stay on task.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: So the reason you procrastinate is because your brain's used to procrastinating.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: It's just an automatic response that happens without you even knowing.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: You sit down to do something that would change your life.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Automatically you get a thought you better go hang the washing on the line.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: You go to sit down in the morning to start to meditate, and then you have a thought that you don't have time because the kids need to be at school soon.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: You need to retrain your brain to stay on task.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: So, when you feel that, pull away from what you're about to do, sit and force it for just one more minute and then build on it next time.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Another minute, five minutes, 10 minutes, forcing yourself and going against the automatic pull away from what you're about to do.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: And, of course, this is where that conscious intention needs to come into play and we need to be actively living our life and not just living on autopilot and not letting our body run the show which is our subconscious mind.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: So stop just letting that thought of oh I need to go hang the washing on the line.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: Just make you go and hang the washing on the line.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: Resist against that Push back and go.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'll do that after I sit for another five more minutes and just continue with this task.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: Or, yeah, if I was going to meditate in the morning and I've just made up this excuse that the kids need to get ready for school, I'm just going to sit for one more minute.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: What's one more minute in the day?
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Can we spare one more minute?
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we can.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: And you're just going to sit and you're going to do another moment like one more minute, and eventually you're pushing back on that automatic resistance.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: When you do that, it'll loosen the group and your brain will stop trying to constantly pull you away from what's ultimately going to change your life, because just sitting there for another more, like another minute, then becomes a behavior and a repeated behavior becomes a habit.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: Now you have a new habit where you do just stick to a task, where you don't procrastinate, where you perform what you said you were going to do, without your mind wandering off in a million different directions.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: So retraining your brain, it does.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: It requires you to be the captain of your ship in terms of where your thoughts are, what your body is doing and where your life is heading.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: And again, it's about turning off that autopilot function and being back in the driver's seat, being back in control of every decision, every thought, every feeling and every result that comes your way in your life.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: So I hope that one has helped a very all-encompassing episode, no matter what it is that you're blocking or how you're getting in your own way and, of course, so many steps to follow to get out of your own way so that the momentum stays.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: You stay on the bandwagon, you stay consistent and life isn't just this constant ebb and flow of one minute it's good and then it's shit.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: One minute you feel good and then you feel crap.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: One minute you're making all this money and then you're freaking out because you've got none.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: Like it's just up, up, up, up up, which is a reality that is possible for every single woman, no matter what that.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: This is the stuff that will help you get there.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: So I hope you liked today's episode.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: Please let me know over on Instagram what you thought about this one.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: Even better yet, leave a comment on Apple if you tune in through Apple, or a rating on Spotify if you listen that way.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: Again, always so grateful for you guys who take the time to do that.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: Um, any questions about the upcoming gold coast event?
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Please reach out a bit of an fyi, because I guess that's also around the corner.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: The wealthy woman which is my six week money manifestation course is opening again on the 2nd of september, which is next month now.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: So just an fyi if that interests you, but otherwise we'll leave it there today.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for being here and I will talk to you next week.