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Episode 59. Seeking Balance in a Changing World · Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries

• 0:00
  Hi again, everyone.
• 0:00
  Welcome back to another episode of Minnesota Masonic histories and mysteries.
• 0:04
  My name is Reed Endersby, and I am very happy to be welcomed again by my friend and brother Brad Phelps.
• 0:10
  It's good to be here, Reed.
• 0:12
  It's always a pleasure to do this with you.
• 0:14
  Brad and I have been talking a lot lately about, technology, If easy is necessarily good or better, time is a really big constraint right now on all of us.
• 0:26
  I don't have the time how have we arrived at a place that more often than not feels like 10 percent of the brethren and officers are doing 90 percent of the work?
• 0:37
  Yeah, I don't think it's actually unique to us.
• 0:40
  I've been seeing it.
• 0:42
  For a while, uh, first at school and through work throughout the ages and, What I guess I would say is there's a few things at play here.
• 0:52
  One of them has to do with how stretched we are and what we hold dear as far as being Masons.
• 0:59
  So I've struggled with this before, um, being in multiple leadership roles.
• 1:05
  And as I've talked with brothers, a common answer is you got to learn to say no, right?
• 1:10
  That's a hard one to digest, especially if you're in a progressive line for one of the, let's say, appendant or accordant bodies, uh, that's a six year commitment.
• 1:21
  So if somebody asks you to, to harness your energies and do something important, you've Let's say it's, you get appointed as Grand LEO, but you're already in a line midway through in Rose Croy.
• 1:36
  How do you keep your word and walk away from that, especially if there are challenges with, with finding somebody else that could take that place?
• 1:47
  Additionally, you know, buildings around the state are having issues, uh, and they're having to be worked through with regard to updating and repair to roofs or aging carpets and fixtures.
• 2:01
  Do we make an environment for new people to come in that is welcoming?
• 2:05
  I hear these phrases a lot.
• 2:07
  If we don't make adjustments to our lodges or make adjustments to our appendant bodies and how many of them we have, we stretch people thin and there's maybe one or two people that can take on those roles and, and they, I think, feel compelled to, to do it.
• 2:26
  Uh, and there's a lot of really hard conversations to have.
• 2:30
  we defer to the 24 inch gauge frequently as Mason's is a way that we divide our time between our jobs, our recharging of the batteries.
• 2:41
  I'd like to quote something that you wrote in one of our periodicals, the Ashler.
• 2:46
  You said that as Mason's, we are taught the importance of dividing our time effectively.
• 2:50
  great leadership books, prompt us to look at our various roles and needs and prioritize around them in a world that has so many things demanding our time.
• 3:00
  And with the rise of burnout, continually reflecting on this is important.
• 3:06
  You made a really good point that there are, it's not always just saying, no, we may have prior commitments and things change and pivoting in a world in which we.
• 3:16
  We have so much technology that keeps us logged into work way longer than we should be sometimes It's really difficult to find that dividing line sometimes and know when and where to focus our time and energy.
• 3:31
  I think that's very true, especially as we try to bring leaders from industry into our craft.
• 3:36
  In those situations, we might be asking them to make a choice.
• 3:40
  If they have a finite amount of time, do they pick their career and leading in their career, or do they pick masonry and leading in masonry?
• 3:48
  And, I mean, there are ways to mitigate it if we have enough people.
• 3:52
  But as long as we're stretched, that's a really hard problem to talk through.
• 3:57
  The technology piece is something you and I talked about quite a bit off air.
• 4:03
  we have all of this tremendous technology that we should use.
• 4:07
  And yet there are times when finding that line of demarcation of logging off or how we divide that.
• 4:14
  I hear this all the time, just in life, across the board of people.
• 4:19
  I just don't have the time.
• 4:20
  I don't have the time for myself to pursue a hobby.
• 4:23
  To do anything other than the demands of parenting, my job, contributing in the lodge setting or in a civic organization when I can.
• 4:33
  How long can we keep up this pace as a society?
• 4:37
  I don't think we can, I mean, we really need to start reflecting on it and getting to the, the basic ideas of, of masonry with regard to how do we manage our time, how do we build relationships, how do we continuously improve and right now we're so busy chasing our tails.
• 4:56
  Maybe that continual improvement from a personal perspective, from a lodge perspective is, is on hold because the reality is if most brothers, I think.
• 5:08
  If they were forced to decide between giving up time with their family, or their job, or the lodge, especially if they've been involved in masonry for a while, or ignoring their own needs, too many of them are going to give up on their own needs.
• 5:24
  And that's a path to burnout.
• 5:27
  And the path to burnout could be something that one is on, and maybe not even realize it when they have accepted the frenetic pace as normal.
• 5:37
  We spend so much time in our jobs, and just in life in general, it seems like these days, we're not planning, we're reacting.
• 5:46
  We're just dodging the next thing that comes our way.
• 5:49
  But when we go back to the lodge setting, new officers are taking places in new positions in the upcoming year.
• 5:57
  How can we work together better in terms of past Masters contributing more?
• 6:04
  And not in the sense of, well in my year I did it this way and so should you.
• 6:09
  Where are those opportunities where we can take some of the burden off of the new officers that time and again 10 percent of them are doing everything.
• 6:19
  And it's not always been that way.
• 6:21
  So there's a few different things that I, a few different tactics that I, I would apply to this one.
• 6:28
  And this is probably the hardest.
• 6:30
  Are we to a point where.
• 6:32
  We can't resolve this without huge adjustments.
• 6:37
  Because I would pose to you Reed that if you're brand new to the craft, it's not fair for me to hurl you into the east a year or two after joining.
• 6:46
  And I'm seeing that, and how do we expect those brothers to be successful?
• 6:52
  So, I think a part of that is that recognition and asking ourselves a bigger perspective.
• 6:58
  Going beyond what's good for a lodge and instead asking what's good for a district or what's good for masonry in general.
• 7:06
  Sometimes that means making some really hard decisions, whether it's merger or consolidation.
• 7:12
  And the thing is, if we get to a point where that merger or consolidation is healthy and you get.
• 7:18
  People that are really working together if there's an opportunity again to split apart and have two healthy lodges and wonderful But that that is a spiral that's really hard to break out of by just bringing in new people based on the time that it takes to build relationships and get people aware of How masonry operates, you brought up a good point of not prematurely vaulting someone into a leadership position or even an officer position.
• 7:48
  If it can be avoided, that's somewhat become the default We'd love to have some new members and then we can put them to work.
• 7:55
  Well, the new person on the team doesn't even know what it means to be, a Mason.
• 8:02
  And there's a lot of onboarding and institutional knowledge that happens indirectly, well, both directly and indirectly.
• 8:11
  But then we're taking an already tired, burned out brother with all of his other obligations in life and just heaping on more.
• 8:20
  And finding that balance has been tricky.
• 8:23
  Yeah.
• 8:23
  And I've heard people say.
• 8:25
  We don't have a membership problem, we have a retention problem.
• 8:28
  And I think this conversation plays into why that might be.
• 8:32
  for the past masters out there, I would ask to try to find balance and level set on expectations.
• 8:40
  What we were able to do 15 years ago, we might not be able to do today based on, you know, people aging out or just not being involved anymore for any reason and You know, we can't make them be involved.
• 8:54
  It's it's a volunteer organization So sometimes it takes momentum to get people back and reengaged So level setting our expectations and realizing that a new group of people may not handle it exactly the same way, having the patience to mentor and coach, share ideas, share our knowledge, all important things.
• 9:17
  Because I, I have been in some groups where that knowledge has been lost and there's been a whole new group, come in and try to figure those things out and, and don't have the support they need.
• 9:30
  Uh, in order to, to do things we'll say, right.
• 9:34
  we are already well aware of a big catalyst for new members wanting to join is because they have a lack of connection out there.
• 9:43
  There's the isolation.
• 9:44
  It's that.
• 9:45
  Working remotely, like you don't have to leave your home for anything these days, it can all be delivered, creature comforts, entertainment, you name it, perhaps we're reaching a point where that has become too much.
• 9:59
  there may be a leveling effect of that, that there is a real.
• 10:03
  Seeking of giving back to the greater good of new friends.
• 10:07
  I recently spoke with a young man who not only seeking just a set of new people to engage with, but was really looking to be around others that have a commitment to integrity.
• 10:18
  Owning the kindness space, possibly someone that could give life advice and that mentor mentee relationship.
• 10:26
  all of this feels like fertile ground for a lodge to be able to re engage its existing members.
• 10:33
  How would you like to come back in and help guide planning and executing of events?
• 10:39
  We seem to be in society in that mindset of, well, I did my time and now it's someone else's problem.
• 10:47
  if we're close to that person that is to the place where I did my time.
• 10:52
  You might want to ask him, have you found mastery in masonry yet?
• 10:58
  Because if they think that, it's a lifetime journey and they might be of that opinion and yet it is erroneous.
• 11:06
  Nicely done, sir.
• 11:07
  So, but, but it is important to be patient too.
• 11:10
  If somebody did a large engagement and they need some reboot reboot time, we need to support them.
• 11:17
  Uh, in my case, I had a moment like that when Taryn was born, but a brother reached out to me and was checking in on me.
• 11:25
  And that made all the difference in the world and brought me back to the craft.
• 11:28
  and very understandable as taking a break is crucial but that aspect of knowing what's going on in each other's lives is really where it's at.
• 11:37
  understanding that there was a new addition to the family, which is going to require a certain level of time and effort committed elsewhere for a while, getting to that point of knowing what's going on in each other's lives is.
• 11:52
  It's only going to happen if there's a rapport amongst each other of having deep trust, empathy, sometimes knowing when to turn off the jokey banter.
• 12:03
  you learn so much about some of the hurdles that people are battling in life.
• 12:09
  how do we go about pursuing the act of talking less and listening more?
• 12:14
  Man, that's tough.
• 12:15
  It is.
• 12:16
  I think one of the great ways to hone that skill, and it's one that takes practice, is to be comfortable with silence.
• 12:25
  Another one is, instead of telling people things, maybe ask questions.
• 12:31
  it's really hard to walk in someone else's shoes.
• 12:35
  Because we all see the world through our own eyes and maybe the best way to to better understand that and serve people as a leader is to ask questions there's a pin I have that I love that's a Masonic pin that's be the example and I think we really do need to be an example for people, to practice that and more people I think will be inspired to have that skill set if they see it and see the, the, uh, Positive effects that those, those listening skills have with people that are around them.
• 13:09
  I still defer to the sign that I saw in a lodge in Minnesota that said, Be the man that you needed when you were younger.
• 13:17
  Oh, I love that.
• 13:18
  that just packs a punch.
• 13:20
  It really does.
• 13:21
  And it makes me think to the, back to the people that I wish were still here that have inspired me and maybe a definition of success for me would be That I positively impacted somebody in a very similar way that I have earned a place in their heart and a right to be remembered.
• 13:42
  so as we encourage say a past master or a member of a lodge to re engage in 2025.
• 13:49
  There's plenty of work to do.
• 13:51
  There are plenty of places in which someone can contribute and be a leader.
• 13:57
  Being a leader is not just the worshipful master sitting in the east wearing the hat.
• 14:02
  Leadership is influence.
• 14:04
  Leadership is seeing I love that quote of Simon Sinek, leadership is seeing those around us rise, not always having the answers or saying, do it this way, How can I help serve?
• 14:15
  That might be a phone call.
• 14:17
  That might be guidance on planning of an activity.
• 14:21
  To your earlier point, the challenge of not speaking so quickly but trying to listen more.
• 14:28
  We all have best practices that we've seen along the way that we feel strongly about, but may not necessarily be the answer to the challenge of today.
• 14:37
  But man, that 10 percent of officers and members that are doing the lion's share of the work could really use some help.
• 14:45
  And there's plenty of opportunities to do so.
• 14:48
  That, that whole thing is also about making sure the right people are plugged into the right places, isn't it?
• 14:54
  Yes.
• 14:54
  And then there's a balancing piece of that too, which is understanding what people's aspirations are and supporting it.
• 15:02
  Uh, and that's more of a longer play.
• 15:04
  How, how do we get somebody who wants to Run a committee into a place where they're, they're ready for it.
• 15:12
  Somebody who has aspirations to be in the progressive line that we just don't put them in there because they're a new warm body.
• 15:19
  But get them ready for what the responsibility really is and teaching them through example that when you make the commitment, you're gonna follow through on it.
• 15:29
  And that falls right back to the question that was asked is easy, necessarily good or better.
• 15:36
  Certainly it would be easy to say, let's just bring in some new members and prematurely put them into an officer position because, well that's easy.
• 15:45
  Because doing what we're saying takes time, takes commitment, selflessness to be able to invest in those new guys or maybe a brother that returns to Lodge after having taken some time away for whatever reason.
• 15:58
  I'm reminded of a movie.
• 16:00
  I'm going to, I'm going to ask you if, if, if we're comfortable with the minimum levels of flair and I bring that up for some comic relief, but there is, there's a lesson here too, from the standpoint of we can check off boxes and say we have people sitting in various seats and, just by doing that.
• 16:17
  We're not ensuring effectiveness.
• 16:19
  We've met our needs to the letter of the law, but have we met it in spirit?
• 16:25
  as individuals, as the craft, as lodges, need to ask ourselves, are we being true to ourselves here?
• 16:32
  And are we having the, the critical conversations to get better?
• 16:36
  And people that are around me know I talk about the difference between being nice and being kind.
• 16:43
  And the people that have made the most impact in my life were not always the, the happy, soft, tell me what I want people.
• 16:53
  The people I remember We're the hardest teachers that I had that were just brutal on what they expected out of us and learn and the reality is in retrospect, I know it's because they knew we could do it or the, the, the friend that will tell us as it is, as opposed to what we want to hear.
• 17:10
  They're the ones that are really watching our six and trying to make sure that we're successful or the person that is worried about us and tells us that even though it might be an uncomfortable conversation.
• 17:21
  It's really important that we have kindness in our heart do we focus on doing things right and maybe aren't so easy or do we take the easy path?
• 17:32
  It's a balancing act.
• 17:33
  And there's a real danger in Telling someone what they want to hear and then sniping about them behind their back or complaining in a way that look if if there's a difficult conversation that needs to be had, let's have that, but do so in a way that is constructive, civilized.
• 17:53
  Brother to brother, friend to friend, and make it productive, not focusing on the minutiae, but on the, the bigger.
• 18:01
  Start with the why.
• 18:02
  It's all about the why, isn't it?
• 18:04
  We, we love to jump to the conclusion, this is how it should be, well tell me why.
• 18:10
  Well, and then that's, there, there is the speed bump.
• 18:15
  Yeah, there's two aspects of that.
• 18:16
  Why are you having the conversation?
• 18:19
  And why do I feel compelled to say something?
• 18:23
  And that was a lesson I learned a long time ago.
• 18:25
  I don't know exactly when it clicked.
• 18:27
  I'm not going to remember the exact phrasing.
• 18:30
  I think it came from Benjamin Franklin, which had to do with, uh, it's good to say what needs to be said, and it's even better to know the appropriate time to not say it, yes.
• 18:43
  Now, there is a figure in history and a brother Mason who had social intelligence off the charts.
• 18:50
  as you wrote Brad in your article for an upcoming Ashler in the publication that we are a volunteer organization which presents unique challenges and demands a leadership style that encourages voluntary engagement.
• 19:03
  We certainly continue to encounter obstacles, societal shifts, As we talked about the growing responsibilities, the commitments, you talked of the competing demands that have strained the volunteer time.
• 19:17
  As we roll into a new year, We flipped the calendar and we're looking forward to many exciting things in the coming year.
• 19:25
  Leadership training, the civility project, the 10, 000 families initiative that we talked about on a prior podcast.
• 19:33
  in closing, what would you suggest for a brother, say, returning to lodge or that catalyst of, well, how I can, how can I get involved?
• 19:42
  I've been away for a little bit.
• 19:43
  First, show up.
• 19:44
  I think it's a, it's a really important thing.
• 19:47
  Kind of get an idea of what the new dynamics of the Lodge might be since you were last there, get to know some of the brothers, attend a dinner.
• 19:54
  Rochester is really good at having an awesome spread before the meeting.
• 19:58
  So it's a great opportunity to meet some of the people that are interested in coming into the craft and reconnecting with brothers.
• 20:05
  Get an idea of those dynamics.
• 20:07
  Come to the table understanding what your priorities are, um, make sure you're finding balance with your family, with your job, what can you give to masonry, and try to find alignment with the things that are important to you, to what it is that the lodge needs, and then growing out, if you're involved with the officer line, try to find alignment with many of the state programs you were talking about, Reed, and what the lodge can offer to it.
• 20:34
  because we are all small components of those greater, those greater programs and systems thinking that makes masonry in Minnesota even that much more effective.
• 20:44
  And not forgetting that we are in the relationship business.
• 20:47
  The brotherhood that we talk about, that is the foundation and it is so crucial that we know what's going on in each other's lives.
• 20:55
  How about even that for a starting point?
• 20:57
  How are you?
• 20:58
  What's new in your life since we saw you last?
• 21:01
  Where would you like to get involved?
• 21:03
  It brings up a good thing.
• 21:04
  I, yes, I think that's great.
• 21:06
  Assuming you know some of the people that are there, but depending on how long you've been out, you may need to be prepared to introduce yourself.
• 21:13
  And then while I'm at it, if you have somebody you were involved with in Lodge, maybe it was somebody who came through with you that hasn't been involved in a while.
• 21:21
  Maybe try to bring him with you.
• 21:23
  Curiosity is the cure for that, is it not?
• 21:26
  If he's someone you don't know or haven't seen in a while.
• 21:29
  That's the fastest way around that awkward initial social interaction.
• 21:33
  I think it's important for us to keep that in mind too.
• 21:35
  Every single person in our lodge has a story.
• 21:38
  And one of the things that's so much fun is to try to learn that story.
• 21:42
  Brad Phelps.
• 21:42
  It's been a pleasure chatting today.
• 21:44
  We're looking forward to 2025.
• 21:46
  Thank you for the time that you devote to Freemasonry, your Grand Lodge education officer position, and that you are an all around good guy.
• 21:55
  And I'm really grateful to call you friend and brother.
• 21:58
  Thank you, Reid.
• 21:58
  I likewise, my friend.
• 22:01
  As we do go into 2025, I'm really interested in learning about what people's visions are to get us there upward and onward.
• 22:08
  And, uh, let's make 2025 a great year.
• 22:12
  This has been another episode of Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries.